KanoOnline.com Forum

Member Showcase => chit-chat => Topic started by: Hausa Error on May 10, 2003, 07:15:32 AM

Title: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Hausa Error on May 10, 2003, 07:15:32 AM
hello kanoonline memebrs, i made an analysis and i see the most frequently used word(abi na abbreviation i nono) is 'LOL'.
...since y'all ?like to Laugh Out Loud!!! ,thot may be we can crack som jokes ?
..... here r som

A reporter was captured by som cannibals in the jungle and taken to a camp where he was goin to be prepered for the cheif's supper "wat do u do back home" asked the cook as he was about to light the fire. " i was an editor" repleid the journalist. " hmm! u will soon be editor-in-chief" said the cook.

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?;D
" why did u leave ur last job? "
"somthin the boss said"
"was he abusive"
"not exactly"
"wat did he say then?"
" you r fired"

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?;D

the new office boy ?came into his boss's office and said " i think u r wanted on the phone sir".
" wat do u mean , u think?" asked the boss
"well, sir the phone rang, i answerd and a voice said, ' is dat u ,you old fool"'
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?;D
" am the boss u r nothin"
"wat r u"
"nothin"
"wat am i"
"boss ova nothin"
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Venom on May 10, 2003, 02:48:00 PM
Quote

 " i was an editor" repleid the journalist. " hmm! u will soon be editor-in-chief" said the cook.? ? ? ? ?  ? ? ? ? ?
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?


nice 1
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Sas on May 10, 2003, 07:58:14 PM
I just don't get it
but here are some Q/A about lawyers

Q:   How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A:   His lips are moving

Q.   How do you save five drowning lawyers?
A.   Who cares?

Q:   What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
A:   The bucket.

Q:   Where can you find a good lawyer?
A:   In the cemetery.

Q:   What`s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
A:   A hooker will stop fucking you when you're dead.

Q:   If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve  
A:   It might be your bicycle.

Q:   Why are lawyers buried 12 feet underground?
A:   Deep down their good.


Q:   What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A:   The lawyer charges more.

Last one and funniest

Q: What will you do If you are locked in a room with a lion, a lawer with a gun in your hand and three bullets inside.

A: Shoot the Lawyer thrice!

Hope you enjoy the jokes and incase there is a lawyer out there I'm sorry. Thats just what lawyers are like(I think)

.
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Hausa Error on May 12, 2003, 05:19:14 AM
HEHE!! ;D ;D, nice 1 man


? ? ? ? Emeka was sayin his prayers as his father passed by the ?his bedroom door.

"God bless mommy,and God bless daddy,and please God make Enugu the capital of Niigeria."
?"Emeka," said the father " why u want Enugu to be the capital of nigeria?"
" because thatz wat i wrote in geopraphy test"

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ;D ;D ;D
Mother : i told you not to eat cake before supper.

DAUGTHER : but Mom, it's part of my homework . "if u take an eighth of a cake from a whole cake, how much is left?"

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?;D ; ;D ;D
Teacher: now harrison, if ur father borrows $10 from me and pays me back at $1 a month, at the end of six months how much will he owe me?

harrison: $10, sir.

teacher: am afraid u dont know much bout maths , harrison.

harrison:i'm afraid u dont know much bout my father!
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Sas on May 12, 2003, 05:03:23 PM
ok ok
I got these and they are nice

I have one right now also

Some people went inside a house ;D ;D ;D And they come out. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ;D ;D ;D

lol
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: IBB on May 12, 2003, 08:03:34 PM
BREAKING NEWS: A 25yr young man got marriaged to a 75yr old woman and the next day he was reported dead. doctor said he died because he drank an expired milk.

Is it ok if ?i stay with u till i sort out where my next attack will be. Pls would u be my next suicide bomber
Sender:
Osama:
+2348038685461

latest invention -- shan mama da straw
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: IBB on May 28, 2003, 02:57:50 PM
BIg pu**y, small pu**y, hairy pu**y, bald pu**y, wet pu**y, dry pu**y, which one do you want coz our cat gave birth and we are giving them out.
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Anonymous on May 28, 2003, 05:24:38 PM
Your Puusseeyy!
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: ummita on May 30, 2003, 05:46:38 PM
 Hausa Error! kan I use a lil space & put sumthing out here? Oh thnx ;)

k, I dunno why I put it out, mayb juss 4 laffs.......but I luv d Igbos with a passion.

THE IGBO MAN!!!!!!!
There was this very rich Ibo man in Nnewi who had only one daughter.
When the daughter was of marriage age, the father sent news around town
that all the eligible young men should come out on a particular day to
compete in a test which would determine who was fit to marry his
daughter. On that set day, all the able-bodied young men came out.
Some came with paper and biro and others with cutlasses and swords.
The rich man took them to his swimming pool and addressed the men: "any
of you who can swim from one end of this swimming pool to the other would
marry my daughter. In addition, I'll give him 15 million naira, a car
and a house so they can start of life well. I shall be waiting to meet my
son-in-law at the other side. Good luck!" As the young men, all very
excited at the prospect of winning, started taking off their shirts, a
helicopter came over the pool and dropped snakes and crocodiles into the
pool. Immediately all the men turned back and started wearing their
shirts again. Dissapointed, some of them said "make de man go marry im
pikin jo!". All of a sudden, they heard a splash in the pool.
Everybody watched in amazement as one gentleman struggled his way
across, avoiding the snakes and crocodiles. Finally, he made it to the
other side as the would-be in-law, panting. The rich man, could not
believe it. He asked the man to name anything he wanted. The man was
still panting uncontrollably. Finally, he got himself together and made
his request saying, "Chei, chineke God, ...show me the pesin wey... push me inside di
swimming pool"
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: gogannaka on June 02, 2003, 04:31:22 AM
u guys hav really nice jokes :D :D :) keep us laughing out loudly :D :D
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: baby_gal_84 on June 02, 2003, 03:33:09 PM
:D :D but ummita i dont get it.......so was the push by another person..........
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: ummita on June 02, 2003, 04:19:41 PM
Well actually bay_bee gurl it took me a while 2 assimilate & digest d joke wen it was being sent 2 me by a freind.........but wen I did.....it was so funni 2 me.

Basically d guy who fell in2 d pool & reached d other end........it was not his intention 2 du so, cuz of d deadly reptiles thrown in d river, but mistakenly sum1 pushed him in.......so his wish was 2 fynd out 2 pushed him in........not 2 ask 4 d gurls hand in marriage. Did u get it?
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: baby_gal_84 on June 02, 2003, 05:43:21 PM
:D :D :Dlol i get it very funny lalle da gaskiyar sa ai at that moment that all he cud needed
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: moha on June 02, 2003, 06:24:30 PM
;D ;Dthat was off da hook nice one   ;D
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: IBB on June 04, 2003, 12:17:19 AM
wata sarauniya (queen) a zamanin-da ran ta ya baci (was annoyed) sai aka sa shela (announcement) a gari ana neman wanda zai sa queen dariya. then one came and did the 2nd came and the joke goes like this.  wani mutum yana cin abinci sai yai taci (cont eating) yai taci, yai taci, ci yake fa ranki yadade, ci yake fa, yai taci yai-taci yai taci, yaci gaba da ci, bai daina ba, ci yake, ci yake, yai taci, yai taci, ci yake fa rankiya dade.

is it funny? if u don't understand call sumone to read it pls b4 u diss me  ;D ;D ;D  
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Anonymous on June 04, 2003, 05:58:03 PM
I wasn't funny at all cos I heard it also in one Hausa series I can't remember the name (zaman duniya?) anyway it was shown by CTV. Even the one posted by Malam Sanusi A Alassa is some how one of those from the same even only that it was I think the first man that went in to make her laugh, he said "wani mutum ya shiga gona...... sai ya fito" and he started laughing before they eventually kick him out. To me, that one was even funnier cos it was stupid enough to be laughed at.
Anyway I think it was not funny even on TV. 8)

How about this one

Clinton and the priest:
The priest died minutes after clinton and mistakenly, the priest was taken to Hell and clinton went to heaven. After a while, the mistake was recognised and they were both told to go to their real destination (i.e clinton Hell and the priest Heaven) on the way are two intersecting elevators, one going up to Heaven and one coming down to Hell. When they (Clinton and the priest) met, clinton saw the priest in a hurry and asked him "why are you hurring to Heaven?" The priest stopped and said to him in a low voice so that no one will here " I want to go and meet VIRGIN Mary"
Clinton nodded his head immediately after hearing VIRGIN and brought his mouth closer to the priest ears and wispered "too late"

;D ;D ;D



This joke is popular in america and any american will laugh extremely at this. If you remember the clinton case with monica lewinsky, since then, all jokes about clinton are about having sex and stuff like that.
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: IBB on June 08, 2003, 04:25:13 AM
thats a killer mr amaduu ;D ;D ;D i cant stp laughin.

Aii check this out
A female clerk sees her boss pants unzipped she said Sir ur garage door is open. Boss: can u see my Ferrari? Clerk: No, I see a small scooter with 2 flat tyres
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: IBB on June 14, 2003, 07:55:58 AM
An igbo converting to islam was told by da imam 'if u adopt the name of great men like Mohammed, God will bless u like them' Ibo man responds how about Dangote?
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Ihsan on June 14, 2003, 10:19:24 PM
lol ...nice one! lallai mutum da son abun duniya ake!
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Sas on June 15, 2003, 03:25:41 AM
Aamadu and IBB those are great. I couldn't stop crying!

This one

The Brain Store

A man went to a brain store to get some brain for dinner. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offered at this particular brain store.  
So he asks the butcher: "How much for Engineer brain?"
"3 dollars an ounce."
"How much for  brain?"
"4 dollars an ounce."
"How much for lawyer brain?"
"100 dollars an ounce."
"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many lawyers you need to kill to get one ounce of brain?"
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Sas on June 15, 2003, 03:36:13 AM
I remembered this one but its in Hausa

Yaro mai suna Babba da Babansa

Wata rana wani dan fulani yana tafiya tare da yarinsa Babba yaron yana gaba. Dan fulani dai ya gaji da kallon kan yaron wanda yake yayi kwalkwal yana ta kyalkyali. Sai Dan fulani yace wa dansa "Babba koma baya tchautchayi shegene"

Abun da take nufi shine the more ya kalli kan Babba the more yake son yaci moriyar kansa sai dai yace wa yaron ya koma baya.
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: baby_gal_84 on June 15, 2003, 01:28:45 PM
QuoteI remembered this one but its in Hausa

Yaro mai suna Babba da Babansa

Wata rana wani dan fulani yana tafiya tare da yarinsa Babba yaron yana gaba. Dan fulani dai ya gaji da kallon kan yaron wanda yake yayi kwalkwal yana ta kyalkyali. Sai Dan fulani yace wa dansa "Babba koma baya tchautchayi shegene"

Abun da take nufi shine the more ya kalli kan Babba the more yake son yaci moriyar kansa sai dai yace wa yaron ya koma baya.


wai lalle S A Alhasan yu sabi hausa i didnt get the joke coz i could not say this word "tchautchayi" three of us here duk mun kasa........ but i guess the joke most be funny ayya fulani dai suna shan tsiya wurin hausawa.
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Sas on June 15, 2003, 06:25:43 PM
Actually the word is tsautsayi (accident) but you know how the fulanis will pronounce it.

He was telling his son to stay back so that his heart doesn't tempt him to hit the shining head.

Its better of telling than reading so I can understand what you mean. Hope it makes sense now.
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Sas on June 15, 2003, 06:38:47 PM
This one

Nigeria President, U.S president and China president went on a solo flight and got lost with no Navigation to get them back home. An idea came to them to travel to everywhere in the world and one way or another each president will know his country. As the fly reach Washington, the Amerika president put his hand outside and pop a cd player came up. "This must be amerika" he replied. As they reach Beigin, China president saw the same type of watch the Amerika president had only that his own is fake. "This must be China" and they dropped him off. When they reached Abuja, Nigerian president did the normal routine of putting hand outside, when he brought it back his watch was missing and he proudly said "Dis must be NIgeria" "Even di air de steal"

;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Sas on June 15, 2003, 06:55:21 PM
Hereare these jokes about my man David Beckham. thet are actually funny thats why I put em up.

1.

David Beckham is celebrating; "43 days, 43 days, 43 days!" he shouts happilly. Posh asks him why hes celebrating.
He answers "Well Honey, I've done this jigsaw in only 43 days."

"And that's good?" asks Posh.
"You bet Hon" says David."It says 3 to 6 years on the box."

2.

David Beckham was driving his Ferrari around when he almost crashed into a truck. The trucker got out and went up to David and started shouting at him. David said "Yeah,yeah can I just go now?" The trucker marked out a circle and said to him "I need to get something out my truck don't go out of the circle till I get back"
He went to his truck and came back with a sledge hammer he walked up to David's car and smashed the windscreen. He turned around and David started laughing. So he got a stake and popped the tires. David started laughing harder. He poured lighter fluid on the car and set it alight. David was peeing himself!
The trucker said to him "What are you doing? I've just fucked up your Ferrari."
And David said "I know.... but each time you turn around I jump out the circle!"


www.pigboy.co.uk
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: baby_gal_84 on June 16, 2003, 02:23:39 PM
QuoteActually the word is tsautsayi (accident) but you know how the fulanis will pronounce it.

He was telling his son to stay back so that his heart doesn't tempt him to hit the shining head.

Its better of telling than reading so I can understand what you mean. Hope it makes sense now.


oh ok yanzu i get the joke da naci is that i can read hausa or what??
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Hafsy_Lady on June 16, 2003, 02:36:29 PM
Oh ma ma all u lot gat on laughin on da floor rollin. ;D ;D ;D Well i dont hav much time 2 throw ma joke now coz i've got an exam 2 catch tilll am bac. c all yah soon  ;)
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: IBB on June 27, 2003, 07:44:53 PM
hello lovely lady..i like u...where u from? i'm French. in france we love to shop! i'm Kenyan..we love to run bye!
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Borg on June 28, 2003, 06:04:47 PM
Hi guys, am finally out of hibernation... good jokes rolling here.

Bill Gates dies, at the gates of heaven and hell, the Angel tells him 'since you were the richest man in the world in your time you have been given a previledge to check out both heaven and hell and then choose the one you wanna stay in forever'.

Bill is first taken to hell... much to his amazement the place is bubbling and really happening... night clubs, naked babes, finest casinos and all the works... then he is taken to heaven, nothing so great about it, people just living thier lives being good and all.

He is finally asked where would you wanna go? He thinks for a minute and says he prefers hell... but much to his shock he was dumped in the hell we all hear of... the hell fire, punishment, screams of agony..... Bill started to scream out 'but this was not what i saw when i came the first time..' and the angel replied 'what you saw earlier was the screen saver".
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Sas on June 28, 2003, 10:21:42 PM
i don't get this joke Borg ???
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: gogannaka on June 28, 2003, 11:13:30 PM
lol hell could be so deceptive can't it :D
here's a joke i read in a book tho it is a comman one, i'll write it in hausa..............wani dan fulani ne aka gan shi yayi tagumi yana ta tunani yana cewa "hmn allah ya sawwake" sai aka tambaye shi mallam yaya?ashe wai brother din sa ne mai suna narana(4got to told u they were fulani's)ya mutu.shikenan aka tambaye shi to meye kake ta tsaki(mts tsw)sai yace "hmn ba mutuwar narana ba na ke ji ba abin da zai faru a can(lahira)" sai aka ce me zai faru? sai yace "ka san narana da zuciya ga walakiri kuma da tambayar kwa kwa, na san yanzu suna can zuna dokuwa,ga shi dama ya ce in ya mutu a binne shi da sandarsa"


Allah na tuba ba daga baki  na kuka ji wannan labari ba.. :D
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Borg on June 29, 2003, 08:36:43 AM
:p Hesham An old Arab man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted
to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work.  His only
son,Abdul, who used to help him, was being held by the FBI for aiding
and abetting terrorists.  The old man wrote a letter to his son and
described his predicament.



Dear Abdul,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't
able able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too
old to be digging up a garden plot.  If you were here, all my troubles

would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Your Dad,
Mohammad.


A few days later he received a letter from his son.



Dear Dad,
For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden,that's
where I buried the biological weapons.
Love,
Abdul.


At 4a.m. the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local
police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any
weapons. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the
old man received another letter from his son.


Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best
I could do under the circumstances!
Abdul.
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: kilishi on July 23, 2003, 03:02:17 PM
A Dr tells joe that he has 2 weeks to live,joe thinks for a minute and says"right,then i will take one week in july and the other week in september" ;D ;D
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: gogannaka on July 23, 2003, 08:26:49 PM
loooooooooooooooooooooool
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: kilishi on July 24, 2003, 02:35:45 PM
Blistered Ears                                                                                                                  
A Tanzania guy having seen blisters in both of his friends\'s ears
asked him what happened to his ears.

He said that while he was busy ironing his clothes, the telephone rang,
and he mistakenly put the iron to his ear instead of the receiver.

So the first fellow asked him what happened to his other ear,

and the reply was - ‘That fool called me again’ ! ;D :o 8)
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Borg on July 25, 2003, 02:00:44 AM
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

SAEED AL SAHAF - Iraqi Head of Information

The chicken did not cross the road.
This is a complete fabrication.
In fact, we do not even have a chicken.


HANS BLIX

We have reason to believe there may be potential for this chicken's capability, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

 
COLIN POWELL

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.


GEORGE W BUSH

We don't care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either for us or against us.
There is no middle ground.


TONY BLAIR

I agree with George.


JOHN HOWARD

I agree with George and Tony.

 
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

 
GRANDPA

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

 
OPRAH

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it felt accomplishing its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

 
JOHN LENNON

Imagine all the chickens, crossing all the roads.
You may say I'm a dreamer - but it’s not the only hen.

 
MICHAEL JACKSON

There's nothing more wonderful than sharing your bed with a chicken.

 
ARISTOTLE

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

 
KARL MARX

It was an historic inevitability.

 
ALEX FERGUSON

The chicken was not drawn to the other side fairly, and Beckham is not bigger than this club.


BILL GATES

eChicken2003 version 1.0 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your cheque book - and internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken.

 
ALBERT EINSTEIN

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

 
BILL CLINTON

I did not have sexual relations with that chicken!

 
HOMER SIMPSON

Mmmmmmmmm.... c h i c k e n
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: gogannaka on July 25, 2003, 02:28:39 AM
 loooooooooooool  very good one borg(i can't stop laffin)











i wonder what obj would say? ? ?
Give the chicken "ghana must go" i guess :D :D :D
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: ummita on July 25, 2003, 02:54:50 AM
Quote
i wonder what obj would say? ? ?
Give the chicken "ghana must go" i guess :D :D :D

Borg this was absolutely hilarious....
Goganaka that was funny...
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: al_hamza on July 25, 2003, 12:48:49 PM
          Pakistan's Math's Exam Paper

          ***===========================***
           Strictly Confidential(X)
          ***===========================***
           Pakistan Board Of Exams March-2000
           HIGH SCHOOL MATH'S PROFICIENCY EXAM

          Name: _______________________________________
          Nationality:(Pakistani/Afghan/other) _________________
          Sex: (female/terrorist) ___________________________
          Relative of any high-ranking Army Personell?
          (yes/no/willbe) _________________________________

************ Rules And Regulations****************
          1) Under any circumstances do not circulate this question paper,if found U will be shot.
          2) Any Question which is mentioned in brief should be
explicitly
          written
          in

          brief.
          3) If the student doesn't come in time for the Exam
he/she will
          be
          joining the Harquat-UL-Ansar Group.
          4) If anyone is caught copying he/she will be an
eligible
          candidate for
          Pakistan's next General Elections.

Time : 2 hours or till the next sound of AK-47
          (whichever later)

*******************************************************
           100marks.

          1. Ayub has an AK-47 with a 40-round clip. If he
misses 6 out of
          10
          shots and shoots 13 times at each village, how many
villages can he
          cover
          before he has to reload?
          2. Irshad has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8-
ball to Salim
          for
          $320, and 2 grams to Mukhtar for $85 a gram. What is
the street
          value of
          the remaining caine that he doesn't cut?

          3. Irshad wants to cut his 1/2 pound of heroin to
make 20% more
          profit.How many ounces of cut will he need to reach his
goal?

          4. Abdul gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a
Chevy and $100
          for a
          4x4.
          If he steals 2 BMW's and 3 4x4's, how many Chevys
will he have to
          steal
          to make $800?

5. Rashid is serving 6 years in prison for murder. He
received
          $10,000
          for the hit. If one of his four wives is spending $100
a month,how
          much
          money
          will be left when he gets out of jail, and how many
years will he
          get
          for killing the woman who spent all his money?

          6. If Imran tampers the ball thrice an over, what is
percent
          increase
          in fall of wickets and reduction in runs ?? In that case
what is the
          success rate in a test match and one day international??

          7. What could have been the shortest way for
hijacking Indian
          plane
          from Khatmandu not considering the killing rate in the
plane??
          Looking at
          the executive and passenger classes in Indian planes,how
many
minimum
          number of hijackers required actually to Hijack a Plane??

          8. Suppose if 35 percent of a total class is copying
70 percent
          of the
          total exam paper, what is the total percentage of
fraud ?? To
          increase
          the total percentage of fraud to 10 percent more, which
is the best
          way
          out of those two ?

9. Suppose a Missile is targeted towards Bombay which
launches
          from
          Lahore air base at about 1:00AM ISD Time. What would be
the time
          taken by
          the Missile to hit Bombay?

          10. Explain in brief fully Zia-ul-Haq and Musharaff theorems with full
          data for taking over Government's?
          ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
          Retrevied frm topsecret ISI files
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Dave_McEwan_Hill on July 25, 2003, 11:03:26 PM
I liked the Doctor joke from Kilishi
Here's two more.
Man goes to doctor for medical examination.
Doctor: I have some terrible news for you. You have only three minutes to live!
Man: My God! Can you do anything for me, doctor?
Doctor: I can boil you an egg.

and a rude one
Young women goes to doctor with stomache ache.
Doctor (after short examination): I'll need to give you a thorough examination. Take your clothes off and lie down on the couch behind the screen.
Woman (undressing): Where will I put my clothes, Doctor?
Doctor's voice (from behind screen): Over here, on top of mine.
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Anonymous on July 26, 2003, 03:47:30 PM
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D this place is so funnyyyyyyyyyy ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Twinkle on July 26, 2003, 09:00:41 PM
YOUR NAME IS THE FUNNY
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Sas on July 27, 2003, 09:19:09 PM
funny jokes, please put your sources up. no joke at the moment from me :-/
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: kilishi on July 30, 2003, 04:03:00 PM
QuoteYOUR NAME IS THE FUNNY


U are so fuunnnny, ;D ;D lallai kam this name may be he comes from the moon.
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: kilishi on July 30, 2003, 04:28:10 PM
Have u ever heard this one?
a boy was asked by his math teacher,what is a 6.9?
the boy said a 69 ,interrupted by a period. :o :o
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Dave_McEwan_Hill on August 02, 2003, 02:01:04 AM
Just remebered another "doctor"joke.
Two guys were strolling through the bush when one suddenly needed to urgently relieve himself. He went behind some bushes and was preparing to do so when a big snake suddenly pounced and bit him on the **nis.
He shouted to his friend "Help! A snake has bitten me on the pen**. What will I do? It was a green mamba. The bite is fatal.
His friend said "There is a doctor's house over there. I will run and get help".
When he got there the doctor was attending to a serious accident and couldn't come but said "Take this sharp knife. Go to your friend. Make an incision with the knife on the bite mark. Then suck the poison out."
The man ran back to his friend.
"What did the doctor say?" asked his friend.
Looking at the position of the bite he replied "The doctor says you are going to die!"
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Anonymous on August 02, 2003, 10:35:45 AM
This topic is absolute Whacko! Great great Jokes and very funny. Couldnt stop laughing at the igbo swimmer and the Bill Gates' screen saver!
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: kilishi on August 06, 2003, 03:46:02 PM
QuoteJust remebered another "doctor"joke.
Two guys were strolling through the bush when one suddenly needed to urgently relieve himself. He went behind some bushes and was preparing to do so when a big snake suddenly pounced and bit him on the **nis.
He shouted to his friend "Help! A snake has bitten me on the pen**. What will I do? It was a green mamba. The bite is fatal.
His friend said "There is a doctor's house over there. I will run and get help".

;D ;D ;D ;D ::)
When he got there the doctor was attending to a serious accident and couldn't come but said "Take this sharp knife. Go to your friend. Make an incision with the knife on the bite mark. Then suck the poison out."
The man ran back to his friend.
"What did the doctor say?" asked his friend.
Looking at the position of the bite he replied "The doctor says you are going to die!"
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Guduma on August 10, 2003, 01:12:36 PM
JOKE ONE
Dad: How was your physics exam paper today, son?
Son: Very easy.....easy dad, only one boy failed out of fifty
Dad: How easy son?
Son: Well dad, fortynine didn't turn up for the exam at all, :-[ ;D
      while I was the only one who came late and was
      turned back!
JOKE TWO
Customer:  I want some insecticides powder for insects
Seller:       Can I wrap it up for you sir?
Customer:  No, I will eat it here!  
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: MohammedIbrahim on August 16, 2003, 05:35:34 PM
A police man went to suya joint and kept staring at a roast chicken,the man selling the suya noticed this and asked  the police man if he wanted some ,the police man then replied "sharrap! i'm arresting this chicken for immoral dressing" ;D
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: kilishi on August 16, 2003, 08:02:28 PM
QuoteA police man went to suya joint and kept staring at a roast chicken,the man selling the suya noticed this and asked ?the police man if he wanted some ,the police man then replied "sharrap! i'm arresting this chicken for immoral dressing" ;D


Ha hah aha  this is diplomacy, so no need for the suya man to offer him,he will arrest the chicken in his stomach ;D
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Dave_McEwan_Hill on August 17, 2003, 02:02:13 AM
Another joke I heard today.
Zoo in Alabama, USA gets Betsy, a female gorilla.
At first Betsy is very nice, eating bananas, hooting at the visitors etc., etc.
Then she goes crazy. Smashing up her cage, trying to escape.
Zoologist is called and diagnoses that Betsy is in heat. " She needs to mate" he tells the zoo management. But they can't get another gorilla.
"Say, how about Billy Jim Bob, the redneck trucker" suggests one guy. "He's got a huge sexual apetitite. Probably make love to anything."
It's worth a try, they decide so Billy Jim Bob is called in and the proposition is put to him "Will you have sex with our gorilla for $1000."
He thinks for a minute then says.
"OK but there are three conditions.
"One - I don't have to kiss the gorilla"
Agreed.
"Two - you won't tell anybody about this."
Agreed. What is the third condition?
"I'll need some time. It'll take me a few weeks to raise the $1000!
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Guduma on August 19, 2003, 12:30:17 AM
A thirty years old lady walks into a computer showroom admiring a set when the salesman noticed her and approached. The following conversation ensued between them:
Salesman: Ah madam, this computer is excellent apart from    
              speed, it answers any question you ask.
Lady:       I can't believe that, any question, you said?
Salesman: Yes ma'am, try it with any question.
Lady:      (types question) Where is my father?
Computer: Your father is fishing at Epe.
Lady:    (giggles) See it lied, my father died twenty years ago!
Salesman: No ma'am, that cannot be, please reframe the  
              question.
Lady:) (to computer) Where is my mother's husband?
Computer: Your mother's husband died twenty years ago,
              while your father is still fishing at Epe! ;D :o
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Borg on August 19, 2003, 01:18:00 PM
Yikes!!! That was killer ?;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: gogannaka on August 19, 2003, 02:04:24 PM
QuoteAnother joke I heard today.
Zoo in Alabama, USA gets Betsy, a female gorilla.
At first Betsy is very nice, eating bananas, hooting at the visitors etc., etc.
Then she goes crazy. Smashing up her cage, trying to escape.
Zoologist is called and diagnoses that Betsy is in heat. " She needs to mate" he tells the zoo management. But they can't get another gorilla.
"Say, how about Billy Jim Bob, the redneck trucker" suggests one guy. "He's got a huge sexual apetitite. Probably make love to anything."
It's worth a try, they decide so Billy Jim Bob is called in and the proposition is put to him "Will you have sex with our gorilla for $1000."
He thinks for a minute then says.
"OK but there are three conditions.
"One - I don't have to kiss the gorilla"
Agreed.
"Two - you won't tell anybody about this."
Agreed. What is the third condition?
"I'll need some time. It'll take me a few weeks to raise the $1000!
GO BILLY!!GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLL
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: ummita on August 20, 2003, 10:09:08 PM
THIS PIECE WAS ONE OF WOMENS FAVORITE!!!

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen."

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen,ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.
At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, "Lord,I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's
being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: ummita on August 20, 2003, 10:48:16 PM
Corporate lesson 1  
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing
up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of
arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the
wife gives up,quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs
downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the
next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll
give you 800 dollars to drop that towel that you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands
her 800 dollars and leaves.

Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps
back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets
back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who
was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.  "Great,"
the husband says, "did he say anything about the 800 dollars he owes
me?"
 
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in time
with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
exposure.

Corporate lesson 2
 
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the  road, he
stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and
crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The
priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car,
he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and
immediately said,  "Father, remember psalm 129?" The priest was
flustered and apologised profusely. He forced himself to remove his
hand.

However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on
while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun
once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" Once again the priest
apologised. "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the
convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her
way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and
looked up psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will
find glory."

Moral of the story:
Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great
opportunity!

Corporate Lesson 4

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three
wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's
gone.

In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says thesales rep. "I want to be
in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK,
you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Guduma on August 21, 2003, 12:21:58 PM
An old man was standing by a road side when an accident occured near him. A little old lady sustained some fatal injuries and died in the hospital later. The driver of the vehicle was charged to court for reckless driving and violation of traffic regulations. The old man was brought before the court to testify as an eye witness.
MAGISTRATE:  How far is the distance between the scene of
                   accident and where you stood?
OLDMAN:        (without any hesitation) Fifteen feet, nine
                    and a half inches!    
                   
MAGISTRATE: (suprised) Did you measure it?

OLDMAN:          Yes i did, i know some fool will ask me for it!
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Borg on August 22, 2003, 09:47:13 PM
Eat this!!!


Lie clock.


A  man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the

Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a
Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she

never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter
responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice,
telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.

"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Guduma on August 24, 2003, 06:52:27 PM
Dynamite! that is!!!!!!! Borg....
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: gogannaka on August 28, 2003, 03:40:37 AM
Nice one borg...........keep em' coming
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: kilishi on September 02, 2003, 06:23:12 PM
2 Eggs


An old man and women are going out for a meal to celebrate there 50th anniversary.The old man is getting ready but cant find his shoes so he looks under the bed and finds a box with 2 eggs in it and a thousand pounds so that evening he questions his wife about it at dinner.

"Well.." she said "each time I was unfaithful to you I put an egg in the box"

"And what about the thousand pound?" asked the old man.

"Well..." Replies the woman "Each time I got a dozen eggs I sold them"

mathematicians calculate
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Borg on September 02, 2003, 06:48:24 PM
WOW!!! All i can say is thats a lot of eggs!!!

Another one....

An elderly couple was sitting around one evening and the man says to wife,

"Marsha, we are about to celebrate our 60th wedding anniversary.  We've had a wonderful life together, full of contentment and blessings.   But there's something I've always wondered about:  Tell the truth. Have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

She hesitates a moment, then says "Yes, 3 times, Sidney."

"Three times?" How could that happen?" Sidney asks.

The wife begins recalling slowly

"Well, do you remember right after we were married and we were so broke, and the bank was going to foreclose on our little house?"

"Yes, that was really a terrible time" replies the man.

Marsha continued, "And remember when I went to see the banker one night and the next day the bank extended our loan?"  

"That's hard to take" the man says "but I guess it really was for us, so I can forgive you."

"What was the second time?"

"Well,"   she   continued   "do you remember years later when you almost died from the heart problem because we couldn't afford the operation?"

"Yes of course"   the man replies." Then you will remember that night after I went to see the doctor, he did your operation at no cost?" she explained.

"That's true."

Sidney nodded. "That shocks me, Marsha, but I do understand that you did it out of love for me, and I forgive you.

"So, what was the third time?"

Marsha lowers her head and says "Sidney, do you remember when you ran for Country Club President and you needed 62 more votes?"

The Man Fainted.
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Anonymous on September 05, 2003, 12:46:56 AM
Here's a wicked tribal joke.
The President of Nigeria was doing a tour of the Federation to promote a government camapign against tribalism. As his motorcade drove along past Umuahia he saw two guys pull a small Tivi boy out of a river with a long rope.
The President ordered his car to stop and he got out and shook the hands of the two guys. " In days to come" he told them " I hope all the tribes of this country can learn to help each other as I have just seen you help this young Tiv. I am proud of you, men. We will invite you to Abuja to receive great honours."
As he drove away one guy turned to the other and said "What was all that about? We've been using small Tivi boys as bait to catch crocodiles for years."
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: dfynest on September 05, 2003, 01:56:56 AM
ha ha ha! where did you get this one? I like the one about jim bob even more!!!!
keep em coming!
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: kilishi on September 08, 2003, 08:59:00 PM
A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a 250 dollar see-through nightgown.
Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for 250 dollars they could've at least ironed it!" 8) 8) 8) 8)
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Borg on September 08, 2003, 09:51:02 PM
OUCH!!! ;D
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Anonymous on September 09, 2003, 09:19:25 PM
This is a true story which I read in the Herald (Scottish Newspaper)today.

A girl at school for the first day had a wee "accident" which meant her teacher, Miss Smith, had to quietly take her into the back room and change her knickers.
"This is a pair of pants we keep in case of accidents" the teacher told the girl. "Put them on to go home. G et your mum to wash them so you can bring them back to us tomorrow."
The next day when the teacher got on the crowded bus to go to school she saw the girl sitting inside with her father.
"Hi, Miss Smith" shouted the girl in front of all the people.  
"Your knickers are in my father's pocket!"
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: IBB on September 17, 2003, 08:06:04 PM
U cant be a palestine and have ur country


U dont have to be a palestine to die of no reason
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Fulanizzle on September 18, 2003, 08:55:41 PM
Quote

Marsha lowers her head and says "Sidney, do you remember when you ran for Country Club President and you needed 62 more votes?"

The Man Fainted.




NOW THAT KILLED ME
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Fulanizzle on September 18, 2003, 08:58:30 PM
QuoteHere's a wicked tribal joke........
As he drove away one guy turned to the other and said "What was all that about? We've been using small Tivi boys as bait to catch crocodiles for years."



THATS JUST OFF THE HOOK!
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Fulanizzle on September 18, 2003, 09:00:26 PM
Quote
"My word, for 250 dollars they could've at least ironed it!" 8) 8) 8) 8)


THATS SO EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEHE
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Guduma on September 24, 2003, 05:14:06 PM
                  COURT CASE:

A man was escorted to court by his wife to give evidence in a case of theft against his neighbour before the court. After being sworn in, the man started talking uncontrollably. The judge, lawyers, clerks and even the court orderlies tried to halt the man form talking, but it was useless. The judge, amids the blabberings of the man, threatens to jail him for contempt, still the man went on talking, and talking.

His wife that was sitting away from the witness box where her husband was ranting, decided to do something about him. She stood up and shouted his name, "Williams!"
Instantly the man stopped talking, and turned towards the direction of his wife. She shouted at him again, this time saying, "Down!" The man shook his head in agreement and sat down quietly. Every in the courtroom was suprised and happy, now that order has return been restored. Some women!!!!!!
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Guduma on September 25, 2003, 07:21:14 PM
A man dies and goes to hell and the devil meets him at the gate and said to him, " there are three rooms here and you can choose which one you want to spend eternity in".
The devil takes him to the first room where there were people hanging from the walls by their waist and obviously in agony.
The devil takes him to the second room where the people are being whipped with metal chains.
The devil then opens the third door, and the man looks inside and sees loads of people sitting around, up to their waist in shit, drinking cups of tea.
The man instantly decides to spend eternity in the third room and went inside. He picks up his cup of tea and the devil turns back saying " ok guys, tea break's over, back on your heads!"
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Guduma on September 30, 2003, 11:28:25 AM
        ONLY ONE FOOT!

Now this is about a young a lady that married a ex army officer, a veteran who lost a leg during war. He was retired due to his condition and always uses an artificial leg afterwards. His new wife and her family have never been aware that the man's other leg was artificial. After the wedding, the groom and bride retired to their flat. To the bride's suprise, her husband shook one of his legs and removed it! In utter disbelief she rushed out of the room and went straight to the parlour and phoned her mother at home.

Daughter: Hello mom, my husband has "only" one foot! :o

Seing that the time then was 12midnight, the mother thought that her daughter was complaining about the size of the husband and answered:

MOM: You are very very lucky dear, your father has only three inches! ;D ;D
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: MatureLady on October 01, 2003, 12:28:50 AM
Hahahaha!!!
Oh Oooooooooh!!!!
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: gogannaka on October 01, 2003, 01:16:39 AM
what a mature introduction :D :DYou r wecome to the family of konline 8)
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: MatureLady on October 01, 2003, 11:22:32 PM
La goganaka  :o
Rufamin Asiri oo
But u don't know what am laughing about do u?
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Guduma on October 02, 2003, 10:47:23 PM
Hehehehehe......Maturelady, can i guess what u r laughing at?
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Anonymous on October 03, 2003, 12:41:46 AM
Hi

Another joke about hell.

Two friends, John and Sam, are killed together in a car crash.
John finds himself sitting in Heaven, playing a harp and he wonders where Sam is.
He goes to the Heavenly Gateman and enquires about his friend.
"He's gone to Hell" says the Gateman, parting the clouds and showing John his friend Sam in Hell. Sam is sitting holding a whisky bottle and has a beautiful young woman sitting on his knee.
"Oi" says John "That looks a lot better than Heaven to me."
"Well" says the Gateman  "Do you see that whisky bottle your friend Sam is holding? It has a couple of holes in its bottom. See the young lady? She hasn't. It really is Hell!"
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Bashir on October 07, 2003, 09:54:06 PM
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: ?PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS?

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: ?PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT? The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: ?BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS?

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: ?NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN? The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. Next day the headline read: ?NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00?

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read: ?NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE?. The Bishop was buried the next day.
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Anonymous on October 08, 2003, 10:23:44 PM
nwawo jaki ya zama lahaula.  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Hausa Error on October 15, 2003, 01:59:04 PM
? ? ? ? ? ? ?   MEMO TO ALL STUDENTS

In order to assure the highest levels
of quality work and productivity from students, it will be
our policy to keep all students well taught through our
program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S.H.I.T.). We are
trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than any other
schools. If you feel that you do not receive your share of
S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your lecturer. You will
immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list and our
lecturers are especially skilled at seeing you get all the
S.H.I.T. you can handle. Students who don't know S.H.I.T.
will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONAL EVALUATION
PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.
S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE
TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our lecturers took S.H.I.T.
before they graduated, they don't have to do S.H.I.T.
anymore, as they are all full of S.H.I.T. already. If you
are full of S.H.I.T., you may be intersted in a job teaching
others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING
LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). For students who are
attending to pursue a carrier in management and consultancy,
we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL
RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.). This course
emphasizes on how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T. If you have
further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.)

Thank you, BOSS IN GENERAL SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Anonymous on October 18, 2003, 02:31:38 AM
bullshit. ::)
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Anonymous on November 11, 2003, 02:41:45 PM
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D s.h.i.t
ama go 4 that b.i.g.s.h.i.t lesson
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: *~MuDa~* on November 11, 2003, 06:39:12 PM
ALEX FERGUSON  

The chicken was not drawn to the other side fairly, and Beckham is not bigger than this club.  


BILL GATES  

eChicken2003 version 1.0 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your cheque book - and internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken.  

 
ALBERT EINSTEIN  

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?  

 
BILL CLINTON  

I did not have sexual relations with that chicken!  

 
HOMER SIMPSON  

Mmmmmmmmm.... c h i c k e n

MUDACRIS

wayyo! waz ze chicken looking at ze road when it waz kurossing ze streets? did a crazy direba splash it on ze road, or what? somebody flease say something?
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: IBB on November 12, 2003, 09:49:06 PM
;D ;Dhhhhmn matured lady. can anybody translate this name 4 me plssssssssssssssss

GOGANNAKA: hey ibb it means BALAGARGIYAR MACE

LOL
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: kofa on November 13, 2003, 05:44:44 PM
nice jokeskam
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Anonymous on November 14, 2003, 12:14:08 AM
Quote

GOGANNAKA: hey ibb it means BALAGARGIYAR MACE

LOL
YES BALAGARGIYAR MACE JUST LIKE YOUR MAMA ;D
OR IS YOUR MOTHER NOT A MATURELADY? :-/
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Anonymous on November 15, 2003, 12:35:57 AM
Quote
YES BALAGARGIYAR MACE JUST LIKE YOUR MAMA ;D
OR IS YOUR MOTHER NOT A MATURELADY? :-/
                 Ouch!!!!!! ;D
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: IBB on November 20, 2003, 05:42:06 PM
Quote
YES BALAGARGIYAR MACE JUST LIKE YOUR MAMA ;D
OR IS YOUR MOTHER NOT A MATURELADY? :-/

nop ma mama na cus. u be balagargiya
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: *~MuDa~* on November 23, 2003, 07:08:00 PM
just alittle advice guys, i dont like anybody 2 insult my mother, pls nobody try that shit, ok?
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: *~MuDa~* on December 06, 2003, 05:39:43 AM
When I get big, fat, and juicy...


There was a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis sitting around talking about how their lives sucked.

The cucumber "Man, my life sucks. When I get big, fat, and juicy, they cut me up and stick me on a salad."

The pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it bad? When I get big, fat, and juicy, they stick me in vinegar, put spices on me, and stick me in a jar."

The Penis looks at him and says, "You think you have it rough? When I get big, fat, and juicy, they stick a rubber tarp on my head, stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out!."
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: zezezee on December 06, 2003, 09:56:42 AM
Muda tu est Bad! :D
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: *~MuDa~* on December 06, 2003, 07:44:42 PM
to karya ne? 8)
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Hausa Error on December 07, 2003, 04:50:52 PM
am back!! am back
senu da zuwan ku
sanu senu
de ku de baku seni ba de suna deni dhine  mohmodu

de shekara de murtala daya .toh shine nace beri nayi maku de introduction deni.

toh sai nazu nes time  zen zo labari
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: *~MuDa~* on December 09, 2003, 06:55:01 PM
                   
how about this:
                    Cohones de Toro... HOT!

A big Texan cowboy 8) stopped at a local restaurant following a day of drinking and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table.

Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.
He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!" :P

The cowboy, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the heck, I'm on vacation down here! Bring me an order!"

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy"!

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.

After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!" ???

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins." :o
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: gogannaka on January 05, 2004, 02:48:15 AM
A boy told his mother that he wants a bike as his christmas present.The mother told him that he didnt deserve a bike since he hadn't been a good boy thruout the year.So she told him instead to go and write a letter to God,if God decides then he can get the bike.
The boy went to his room,picked up pen and paper and began:
"Dear God,
  Please i need a bike this Christmas."

Nahh, the boy tore this letter cos it wasn't good enough...he then wrote:
"Dear God,
 I know i've been a bad boy but i'll be a good boy if i get a bike this christmas.

Still this letter was not good enough for the boy so he went to his momma and said "momma i want to go to the church right now".Hearing this,momma said 'hallelujah'.The child has finally seen the light and has come to his senses.

They drove to the church and the boy went straight up to the podium where the statue of the virgin Mary was.When the boy was certain that no one was seeing him,he stole the statue.
When they went back home the boy went to his room,took out his pen and paper and wrote:

O.K GOD NOW I'VE GOT YA MOMMA SO BETTER GET ME THAT BIKE!
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: *~MuDa~* on January 05, 2004, 01:27:55 PM
so ze boy sink he can hold Allah on ransom, ko?
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: gogannaka on January 09, 2004, 04:23:46 PM
Hmn !! lib za daniska mana...
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: zezezee on January 09, 2004, 05:01:12 PM
Quote
so ze boy sink he can hold Allah on ransom, ko?

u must be referring that to god de ko.
d boy na dan iska!
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: *~MuDa~* on January 10, 2004, 12:02:23 AM
A Nigerian igbo business tycoon was at a social gathering where other moguls and wealthy men were present. the igbo businessman looked for all ways to oppress the other rich men whom where present at the gathering.Just for that foolish reason, ?he sent his driver and had this conversation with him, "Driver go to my house,not the green one,the red one,Not the red one in ikoyi,the red one in victoria island,not the one in adeola odeku,the one in greek crescent,not no- 22,but no-11.it is blackgate you will see,fling it open you will see a green Honda civic.perpendicularly,adjecent opposite of the civic is a blue toyota carina E.it is not that one trigonometrically,geometrically,hypoteneously 90 degrees to the 306 is amazda 929.it is not that one.The mazda is very close to a reguler benz,the regular benz is behind a 406, the 406 is beside volvo S40 which is in front of a Honda CRV.that makes a crescent to the prado jeep,make a diagonal sharp turn to the left extreme right top corner,on your way to where i parked the M-class,very close to the E-class in front of the Beast at the back of the swimming pool is a lovely S-type Jaguar.Dont touch the bonnet, Go to the boot,fling it open.you will see white and blue briefcases .the red contains dollers 1o million dollers .dont touch it .the blue contains pounds,8million pounds.Dont touch it .the white contains naira,500S,200S,100S,50S 20,10 Naira denominations.I arranged them in hierarchial order.500 naira in the first layer.200 nairas in the second layer.100 naira 3rd layer,50 naira in 4th layer,20 naira 5th and 10 naira top floor.take one ten naira. go and buy pure water ,and dont forget to bring back my change....!"
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Dante on January 10, 2004, 12:12:10 AM
Quote
YES BALAGARGIYAR MACE JUST LIKE YOUR MAMA ;D
OR IS YOUR MOTHER NOT A MATURELADY? :-/

Salam,
i c there are some nasty ppl in this forum,
Take it eazy. This place is for helping each other with more
beneficial information.
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: gogannaka on January 10, 2004, 02:03:45 AM
Quote
A Nigerian igbo business tycoon was at a social gathering where other moguls and wealthy men were present. the igbo businessman looked for all ways to oppress the other rich men whom where present at the gathering.Just for that foolish reason, ?he sent his driver and had this conversation with him, "Driver go to my house,not the green one,the red one,Not the red one in ikoyi,the red one in victoria island,not the one in adeola odeku,the one in greek crescent,not no- 22,but no-11.it is blackgate you will see,fling it open you will see a green Honda civic.perpendicularly,adjecent opposite of the civic is a blue toyota carina E.it is not that one trigonometrically,geometrically,hypoteneously 90 degrees to the 306 is amazda 929.it is not that one.The mazda is very close to a reguler benz,the regular benz is behind a 406, the 406 is beside volvo S40 which is in front of a Honda CRV.that makes a crescent to the prado jeep,make a diagonal sharp turn to the left extreme right top corner,on your way to where i parked the M-class,very close to the E-class in front of the Beast at the back of the swimming pool is a lovely S-type Jaguar.Dont touch the bonnet, Go to the boot,fling it open.you will see white and blue briefcases .the red contains dollers 1o million dollers .dont touch it .the blue contains pounds,8million pounds.Dont touch it .the white contains naira,500S,200S,100S,50S 20,10 Naira denominations.I arranged them in hierarchial order.500 naira in the first layer.200 nairas in the second layer.100 naira 3rd layer,50 naira in 4th layer,20 naira 5th and 10 naira top floor.take one ten naira. go and buy pure water ,and dont forget to bring back my change....!"

lol lol lol!!!!!!!!

u know the igbos wellu wellu ooh...they fit do am 4 real o...

My friend had an igbo freind.He sells spare parts.He paid a visit to my friend but met his absence so he told the "maigad"(security) "if he comes back tell him emeka pathfinder,Alloy rims,five spokes,cellular (back then the analogue cellular fone was vogue) has called"..................lol

Surprisingly, the maigad didn't 4get the description
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Hausa Error on January 13, 2004, 10:51:03 PM
There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."
Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
The wife smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time".
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Hausa Error on January 13, 2004, 10:58:35 PM
EVER WONDERED WHY IT'S SO HARD TO FIND A JOB IN NIGERIA?????
A must read Beautiful day to you. Ever wondered why its so hard to find a job in Nigeria?Chukwu Emeka had just been retrenched from a high flying job, and now he set out hoping to bounce back into the job market. He started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6a.m. While his coffee pot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN ENGLAND, IMPORTED FROM DUBAI), designer jeans (MADE IN SOUTH AFRICA) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA). After cooking his breakfast on his new electric cooker (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today.

After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN JAPAN) according to BBC (BROADCASTING FROM LONDON) time, he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY AND REFURBISHED IN BELGIUM) and continued his search for a good
paying NIGERIAN JOB.

At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Chukwu decided to relax for a while.
He sat on his leather couch (MADE IN CANADA) reading a best-seller novel (PUBLISHED IN USA). After a while he wanted to refresh himself. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), to CNN (TRANSMITTED FROM AMERICA) and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in.....NIGERIA...!
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Maleeq on January 13, 2004, 11:09:52 PM
nigga u gat mi laughin and shyt :D :Dman u gat tha insight of tha main problem, peeps just cant find a descent job in nigeria cuz theres nothin to do .Sorry to say but nigeria is kinna unproductive >:( :(
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: *~MuDa~* on January 14, 2004, 02:30:26 PM
Sflendid! ;D
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Dante on January 14, 2004, 03:00:28 PM
LoL  ;D
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: *~MuDa~* on January 14, 2004, 03:10:49 PM
QuoteThere was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."
Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
The wife smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time".




so ze wibe has been cheatin' on ze man all zis while until 4 zis last son! hahahah
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Hausa Error on January 15, 2004, 07:16:30 PM
WOMEN's PRAYER: Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong, One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks. When he says he'll call, he won't wait weeks. I pray that he is gainfully employed and when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to"How big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And never attempt to hit on my friend. And as I kneel and pray by my bed, I look at the creep you sent me instead. Amen
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Hausa Error on January 15, 2004, 07:33:51 PM
An engineering student is walking along when a fellow student arrives on a new bicycle. Impressed, he asks, "Where did you get this beautiful bicycle?"

"Well," the second engineering student says, "A couple of days ago I was just walking along when this georgeous blonde pulls up, hops off the bike, rips off all her clothes, and says 'take what you want'."

The other engineering student nods and says "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."



                        NIGEERIANS IN HEAVEN
Gabriel came to the lord and said,"I have to talk to u. I have
some Nigerians up here in heaven who are causing some problems.They
are swinging onthePearly Gates,my horn is missing,Maggi sauce and
Ogbono ssoup are all over their robes.Isi-ewu, Cow-feet and Bokoto
bones are all over the streets of Gold; some folk are walking around
with one wing,they have been late taking their turn in keeping the
stairway to heaven clean. There are beer bottles all over theclouds,
some aren't even wearing their halos,saying it doesn't fit their
hairstyles."

The Lord said,"I made them special as i did u, myangel. heaven
is home to all my children. If u really want to know about
problems,let's call the devil."The Devil answered d phone,
"Hello?What the ...!Hold on one minute."The devil returned
to the phone and said, "Hello Lord,what can i do for u?"
the Lord replied, "Tell me what kind of problems uare having
down ther. "the Devil said, "wait a minute,"and put d
Lord on hold. After five minutes he returned to the phone,and said
"Okay,I'm back.What is d question?"d Lord said what kind of
problem are u having down there?" The devil said, "Man, i
don't belieee...hold oh,Lord." This time d Devil returned and
said, "I'm sorry Lord, ican't talk right now . These nigerians
have put d fire out,and now they are trying to install an air
conditioning system!They even bribed my Guys
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: *~MuDa~* on January 16, 2004, 01:07:22 PM
A blonde walks into a doctor's office and tells the doctor
she's broken every single bone in her body.
"That's impossible!" says the doctor.

The blonde says, "No, it's really true. Look!"
She then touches her leg with her index finger and screams "Ouch!"
Then she touches her arm and yells "Eeeeoooow!"
Finally she touches her ribs and can barely maintain her composure
as the tears start to roll down her face.
She says, "See, I told you I broke every bone in my body."

The doctor rubs his chin, then conducts a thorough examination.



"Well, miss," he tells her,
"I've got some good news and some bad news.
The good news is, you haven't broken every bone in your body.
The bad news is, you've broken your finger."
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Dante on January 16, 2004, 01:29:20 PM
psycho the rapist.  ;D

A psychotherapist, starting from scratch, was having
such success in
his business that he could now afford to have a proper
shop banner
advertising his wares.

So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him & put
it above his
shop entrance.

But, instead of his business building up, it began to
slacken. He had
especially noticed the ladies shying away from his
shop after reading
the sign board.

So he decided to check it out himself. Then he began
to understand why!

The boy found a small wooden board so he had to split
the word in 3
places.

The sign read:

Psycho
-the
-rapist.
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Sophy on January 16, 2004, 07:35:54 PM
                        TOOTHPICK ISSUE!


Oga: Sonny, why toothpick dey finish so? everytime I buy, e go carry style disappear...

Sonny: Oga no be me o, na Madam. everytime I use I dey replace am but everytime she use she go troway am!


                         ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: *~MuDa~* on January 16, 2004, 09:43:43 PM
Men u guys r .....(lol)
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: *~MuDa~* on January 16, 2004, 10:26:04 PM
QuoteEVER WONDERED WHY IT'S SO HARD TO FIND A JOB IN NIGERIA?????
A must read Beautiful day to you. Ever wondered why its so hard to find a job in Nigeria?Chukwu Emeka had just been retrenched from a high flying job, and now he set out hoping to bounce back into the job market. He started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6a.m. While his coffee pot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN ENGLAND, IMPORTED FROM DUBAI), designer jeans (MADE IN SOUTH AFRICA) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA). After cooking his breakfast on his new electric cooker (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today.

After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN JAPAN) according to BBC (BROADCASTING FROM LONDON) time, he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY AND REFURBISHED IN BELGIUM) and continued his search for a good
paying NIGERIAN JOB.

At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Chukwu decided to relax for a while.
He sat on his leather couch (MADE IN CANADA) reading a best-seller novel (PUBLISHED IN USA). After a while he wanted to refresh himself. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), to CNN (TRANSMITTED FROM AMERICA) and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in.....NIGERIA...!



And ze joke is (WRITTEN IN ENGLISH)
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: gogannaka on January 16, 2004, 10:27:52 PM
LOL LOL LOL... these are the funniest jokes i've read in ages...nearly fell off my chair........keep em comin guys

sophy, ur joke made me stop using toothpics..lol
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Maqari on January 17, 2004, 01:47:02 PM
alright here is a funny one : HAFSY
LOL nah im just screwing arround ya'll , i have nothing against the young lady its, its just kind of funny to see a young hausa lady composing sentences in pure east coast ebonics , LOL,( 'yo Hafsy whuts da deal shorty rocks,im kinna diggin your style boo, im sayin' can a nigga holla ? )LOL isnt that how it sounds ? however here is a real joke:

A white boy made his name for himself locally for having the biggest dick in Gary Indiana, he became the beauty parlor topic for young women,eventually he got married to a chick name Wendy to impress his gorgeous new bride he went and got the letters WENDY written in bolds tattoed on his penis,
a while later  on a safari trip through africa,he happened to stop by lagos stadium to watch a soccer game,after the game he went to take a piss in the men's room and next to him stood this full blood black male doubtfull of the infamous myth,the whiteboy starts pearing to his side trying to catch a glimps of the black guys equipment, on the first peek he saw the letter Y tattoed  near the tip , then on the second look he saw the letter W at the base as the man puts his dick  away.
 astoshined at the facts the white boy looks at the black man and asks him : so your wife is named Wendy too,
black man replies :why ?
white man : because u have it tattoed on your dick !
feeling insulted the black man rips his pants off and exposed his penis holding it with one hand as he angrilly explained:
IT DOSENT SAY WENDY FOOL !!!  IT SAYS :
WELCOME TO NIGERIA AND HAVE A VERY GREAT DAY

some of ya'll might know this joke in another form or fation , i changed it up a bit just to fit the category , hope ya'll enjoy it ONE peace
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: kilishi on January 17, 2004, 02:41:10 PM
QuoteEVER WONDERED WHY IT'S SO HARD TO FIND A JOB IN NIGERIA?????
A must read Beautiful day to you. Ever wondered why its so hard to find a job in Nigeria?Chukwu Emeka had just been retrenched from a high flying job, and now he set out hoping to bounce back into the job market. He started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6a.m. While his coffee pot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN ENGLAND, IMPORTED FROM DUBAI), designer jeans (MADE IN SOUTH AFRICA) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA). After cooking his breakfast on his new electric cooker (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today.

After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN JAPAN) according to BBC (BROADCASTING FROM LONDON) time, he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY AND REFURBISHED IN BELGIUM) and continued his search for a good
paying NIGERIAN JOB.

At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Chukwu decided to relax for a while.
He sat on his leather couch (MADE IN CANADA) reading a best-seller novel (PUBLISHED IN USA). After a while he wanted to refresh himself. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), to CNN (TRANSMITTED FROM AMERICA) and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in.....NIGERIA...!



Yes he can't find a job,since he himself doesn't patronize things made in Nigeria,all his belongings are imported,so how does he think that without patronage the industries will work,that serve him right :o ::)
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: kilishi on January 17, 2004, 02:50:31 PM
Quote? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? TOOTHPICK ISSUE!


Oga: Sonny, why toothpick dey finish so? everytime I buy, e go carry style disappear...

Sonny: Oga no be me o, na Madam. everytime I use I dey replace am but everytime she use she go troway am!


? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?;D ;D ;D ;D ;D


This is so funny,so they don they use sonny's toothpick unknown,ouchhhhhhhh :o :o
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Anonymous on January 17, 2004, 11:32:59 PM
u have 2 cross da road twice b4 u look.
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: IBB on March 01, 2004, 05:50:10 PM
joke: how do u stp a man 4rm readin ur e-mail? Rename the mail folder to "instruction Manual".


wat goes around comes da oda way round
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: IBB on March 01, 2004, 05:52:15 PM
b4 u look left look right cross da road
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: WATERSPIDER on March 02, 2004, 12:12:49 AM
A flight from london to kano develops faults in nigerian airspace.
Very worried the captain calls the aminu kano airport.
"Aminu kano airport this is captain smith reporting flight 007" "Do
you copy?"
Kano tower;- "yes alhaji smith we kofi"
British Airways "Flight 007 Reporting technical faults"
kano tower;- "kai haba!"
British Airways ;- "sorry tower couldnt get that"
kano tower ;- "okay phlight 007 kan you tune fawa in injin?"
British Airways ;- "Negative power in eingines dead"
Kano tower;- "bala'ie"
British Airways ;- "Negative didnt copy"
Kano Tower;- "Kan u kom down to altitude twenty thousand fit?"
British Airways;- "negative tower, wings wont respond"
Kano tower;- "kai!"
British Airways;- "negative didnt copy that tower"
Kano Tower;- "okay d flane will kom down in som tym due to low injin fawa, ofun yo taya at altidute sis thousan fit, due ist sebenty digri"
British Airways;- "Negative, cant activate the landing gear"
kano tower;- 'wayyo!'
British Airways;- "awaiting order, flight 007"
Kano Towers;- "okay refit apfta me"
British Airways;- "okay what?"
Kano Tower;- "ASHADU ALLA ILAHA ILLALAH, WA ASHADU ANNA MOHAMMADAN RASULILLAHI"
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Anonymous on March 02, 2004, 05:50:41 PM
eeeh we sabi this 1 :-[
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: Guduma on March 03, 2004, 10:14:27 AM
A drunk phoned police to report that thoeves have entered his car, "they have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, brake pedal and even the accelerator," he cried out.
However before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time, and the same voice camd over the line.
"Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake,"
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: WATERSPIDER on March 09, 2004, 10:38:10 AM
Water To Wine
>>
>>
>>When Our Lord Jesus changed water to wine, some
>>church
>>fathers
>>are now saying that what was not recorded was the
>>action taken by
>>the presence of a Yoruba man, a Hausa man and an Ibo
>>man at the scene
>>of conversion.
>>
>>Immediately he changed the first drum of water to
>>wine, the
>>Yoruba man dipped his hand into the drum, tasted it,
>>jumped on Our
>>Lord and screamed: Yeeeeeh! Agbara Jesu. Iwo omo
>>Olurun to toh. He
>>dropped
>>his belongings and followed Christ.
>>
>>On hearing this, the Hausa man ran to the sight of
>>the
>>miracle,
>>tasted the wine jumped on Our Lord and screamed:
>>Bissimilahi!
>>Gaskiana, bis is bery bery good bine. At once he
>>dropped his belongings
>>and
>>followed Christ.
>>
>>Immediately the Ibo man heard the shout, he ran to
>>the
>>sight,
>>Tasted the wine and jumped on our lord shouting. My
>>Lord Bikonu! My
>>Lord..........WE ARE IN BUSINESS. "JESUS AND SONS
>>ENTERPRISES
Title: Re: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: figorms on March 09, 2004, 03:20:42 PM
a man entered a plane going to newyork, he sat in the first class section which was not ment for him, so the flight adendant told him to move to the other section but he refused
soshe told da backup pilot and he said, i'll go talk to him, when he got there he said something to the and and the man ran as fast as he could to the other part,then dalady asked him what did u say to him, ijust told him this part of the plane is going to hong kong the other part is going to newyork.
Title: Laugh Out Loud
Post by: IBB on May 24, 2004, 07:18:41 PM
why do some women prefer circumcised men? A: Because they can't refuse anything with 10% off :lol: