B i s m i l l a a h i r R a h m a a n i r R a h e e m
Riyad-us-Saliheen
Gardens of the Righteous
The Book of Miscellany
Chapter 40
Kind Treatment Towards Parents and Establishment of the Ties of Blood Relationship
By Imaam Aboo Zakariya Yahyaa Ibn Sharaf An-Nawawi Ad-Dimashqi
Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta`aala, the Exalted, says:
"Worship Allaah and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, Al-Masakin (the poor), the neighbour who is near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves) whom your right hands possess". (4:36)
"And fear Allaah through Whom you demand (your mutual rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship)". (4:1)
"And those who join that which Allaah has commanded to be joined (i.e., they are good to their relatives and do not sever the bond of kinship)". (13:21)
"And we have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents". (29:8)
"And your Rabb has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: `My Rabb! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young". (17:23-24)
"And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years- give thanks to Me and to your parents". (31:14)
312. `Abdullah bin Mas`ood radhiallaahu`anhu reported: I asked the Prophet Sall Allaahu`alayhi wa sallam, "Which of the deeds is loved most by Allaah?'' The Messenger of Allaah Sall Allaahu`alayhi wa sallam said, "Salaat at its proper time.'' I asked, `What next?'' He Sall Allaahu`alayhi wa sallam replied, "Kindness to parents." I asked, "What next?'' He replied, "Jihaad in the way of Allaah.'' [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
Commentary: Performance of Salaat at the stated time means its performance in earliest prescribed or at least its regularity. One should not give preference to mundane affairs over it. Salaat and Jihaad are the two most meritorious duties of a Muslim. When nice treatment to parents is mentioned along with Salaat and Jihaad, it gives further importance to this injunction.
313. Aboo Hurayrah radhiallaahu`anhu reported: The Messenger of Allaah Sall Allaahu`alayhi wa sallam said, "No son can repay (the kindness shown by his father) unless he finds him a slave and buys him and emancipates him". [Muslim]
Commentary: This Hadeeth also brings out the eminence of parents and outstanding importance of their rights.
314. Aboo Hurayrah radhiallaahu`anhu reported: The Messenger of Allaah Sall Allaahu`alayhi wa sallam said, "He who believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him be hospitable to his guest; and he who believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him maintain good the ties of blood relationship; and he who believes in Allaah and the Last Day, must speak good or remain silent". [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
Commentary: This Hadeeth is mentioned here to highlight the importance of kindness to relatives. It enjoins considerate treatment to relatives and stresses that one should maintain relationship with them at all costs. So much so that even if they misbehave and sever relations with him, one should make efforts to restore not only relationship with them but also their rights. This is what kindness to relatives really means. Islam has laid great stress on it. Relatives include both paternal and maternal relatives.
315. Aboo Hurayrah radhiallaahu`anhu reported: Messenger of Allaah Sall Allaahu`alayhi wa sallam said, "Allaah created all the creatures and when He finished the task of His creation, Ar-Rahm (ties of relationship) said: `(O Allaah) at this place I seek refuge with You against severing my ties.' Allaah said: `That I treat with kindness those who treat you with kindness and sever ties with those who sever ties with you.' It said: `I am satisfied.' Allaah said: `Then this is yours". Then Messenger of Allaah Sall Allaahu`alayhi wa sallam said, "Recite this Aayah if you like: `Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allaah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight". (47:22-23). [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
The words in Al-Bukhaari are: The Messenger of Allaah Sall Allaahu`alayhi wa sallam said, "Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta`aala says: `He who maintains good ties with you, I maintain good ties with him; and he who severs your ties, I sever ties with him".
Commentary: This Hadeeth also stresses the importance of proper treatment with relatives for the reason that this is a special means of attaining the nearness and Mercy of Allaah. A conduct contrary to it, that is to say, devouring the rights of relatives and continuation of estrangement with them, is the cause of displeasure and Wrath of Allaah.
316. Aboo Hurayrah radhiallaahu`anhu reported: A person came to the Messenger of Allaah Sall Allaahu`alayhi wa sallam and asked, "Who among people is most deserving of my fine treatment?'' He Sall Allaahu`alayhi wa sallam said, "Your mother". He again asked, ``Who next?'' "Your mother", the Prophet Sall Allaahu`alayhi wa sallam replied again. He asked, "Who next?'' He (the Prophet Sall Allaahu`alayhi wa sallam) said again, "Your mother.'' He again asked, "Then who?'' Thereupon he Sall Allaahu`alayhi wa sallam said,'' Then your father.''
In another narration: "O Messenger of Allaah! Who is most deserving of my fine treatment?'' He Sall Allaahu`alayhi wa sallam said, "Your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father, then your nearest, then nearest". [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
Commentary: This Hadeeth tells us that the rights of the mother are three times more important than that of the father for the reasons that:
1 She is weaker than the father.
2. The following three troubles are borne exclusively by the mother while the father does not share them with her:
a) She carries the baby in her womb for nine months,
b) The labour pain which she suffers.
c) Two years' period of suckling which disturbs her sleep at night and affects her health. She has also to be very cautious in her food for the welfare of the baby.
317. Aboo Hurayrah radhiallaahu`anhu reported: The Prophet Sall Allaahu`alayhi wa sallam said, "May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced, whose parents, one or both, attain old age during his life time, and he does not enter Jannah (by rendering being dutiful to them)". [Muslim]
Commentary: The word ``Ragham'' means soil. When a person's nose is soiled, it is a mark of his extreme humiliation. This metaphor carries a curse for an unfortunate person who does not win the pleasure of Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta`aala by serving and obeying his parents. In fact, it is a malediction as well as a prediction of someone's inauspicious end. Service of parents is essential at every stage of their life - whether they are young or old. But this Hadeeth mentions their old age for the reason that in that period of their life they stand in greater need of care and service. It is a very callous offense to leave them at the mercy of circumstances when they are old, senile and depend on others for their needs. To neglect them at that stage is a major sin for which one deserves Hell-fire.
318. Aboo Hurayrah radhiallaahu`anhu reported: A man said to the Messenger of Allaah Sall Allaahu`alayhi wa sallam: "I have relatives with whom I try to keep the ties of relationship but they sever relations with me; and whom I treat kindly but they treat me badly, I am gentle with them but they are rough to me.'' He Sall Allaahu`alayhi wa sallam replied, "If you are as you say, it is as if you are feeding them hot ashes, and you will be with a supporter against them from Allaah as long as you continue to do so". [Muslim]
Commentary: This Hadeeth has three important lessons:
First, the misbehaviour of one's relative is no justification for the misbehaviour of another, let alone the severing of relations on that account.
Second, the person who treats his relatives nicely in all events and circumstances is blessed by Allaah Who will send from heaven helpers to support him.
Third, the consequence of denying compassion and kindness to relatives is as woeful as the eating of hot ashes.
319. Anas radhiallaahu`anhu reported: The Messenger of Allaah Sall Allaahu`alayhi wa sallam said, "He who desires ample provisions and his life be prolonged, should maintain good ties with his blood relations". [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
Commentary: One who is benevolent and compassionate towards one's own relatives, stands to gain at least two definite advantages in this world besides the reward in the next. These two advantages are the increase in his subsistence and longevity of life.
Increase in subsistence means that Almighty Allaah will increase the quantity of his worldly goods or his means of subsistence will be blessed by Him. Similar is the case of longevity of life. The life of such person is either actually increased (in terms of years) or his life is graced with the Blessings of Allaah. Both interpretations are correct.
320. Anas radhiallaahu`anhu reported: Aboo Talhah radhiallaahu`anhu was the richest among the Ansar of Al-Madeenah and possessed the largest property; and among his possessions what he loved most was his garden known as Bairuha' which was opposite the mosque, and Messenger of Allaah Sall Allaahu`alayhi wa sallam often visited it and drank from its fresh water. When this Aayah was revealed: "By no means shall you attain Al-Birr (piety, righteousness - here it means Allaah's reward, i.e., Jannah), unless you spend (in Allaah's Cause) of that which you love,'' (3:92). Aboo Talhah radhiallaahu`anhu came to Messenger of Allaah Sall Allaahu`alayhi wa sallam, and said: "Allaah says in His Book: `By no means shall you attain Al-Birr, unless you spend (in Allaah's Cause) of that which you love,' and the dearest of my property is Bairuha' so I have given it as Sadaqah (charity) for Allaah's sake, and I anticipate its reward with Him; so spend it, O Messenger of Allaah, as Allaah guides you". Messenger of Allaah Sall Allaahu`alayhi wa sallam said, "Well-done! That is profitable property. I have heard what you have said, but I think you should spend it on your nearest relatives.'' So Aboo Talhah radhiallaahu`anhu distributed it among his nearest relatives and cousins. [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim].
Commentary: This Hadeeth has already been mentioned in the chapter which deals with the merits of spending of what one loves best in the way of Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta`aala. It has been repeated here in support of benevolence to the relatives. Its repetition makes it clear that while spending in the way of Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta`aala, one should always first of all consider his relatives and help those of them who deserve assistance. After fulfilling their needs, if anything remains then it can be given to others.