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General => General Board => Topic started by: Anonymous on December 22, 2003, 12:39:20 AM

Title: Is Marriage Right
Post by: Anonymous on December 22, 2003, 12:39:20 AM
Salam all,

Everyone talks of marriage some go by arranged marriage others go do it the western way. which one will last. I used to believe that stuff, now I am livin in the western world and I can see it is not so simple it takes serious work, on both sides for success. Divorce is so common, and seeing unhappy couples everywhere is also common. I mean marriage is difficult is it better for a man just to date, and enjoy his self, or be tied down and married to a women who is displeasin him and not satisfyin him. No dissin, but should one stay married if he or she is not satisfied or seek divorce. What does everyone think. Samba

Is dis topic hot

FE SHIZZLE
Title: Re: Is Marriage Right
Post by: DanBanza on December 22, 2003, 12:28:41 PM
A man was questioned why he doesnt want to get married. Said he "why marry one woman and make her unhappy when you can stay single and please a lot of women."
Title: Re: Is Marriage Right
Post by: aisab on December 22, 2003, 05:36:34 PM
yes marriage is right. i think is better to married than to stay single, with all the difficulties and problems that attach with the marriage i believe marriage is right and good thing. also if we look at the logic of marriege we can reach a conculution of  saying that marriage is the best thing we inherit from our culture.
also western way of marriage is yield only bad fruits, so pls avoid it, it's better to stick to traditional one.
Title: Re: Is Marriage Right
Post by: hawk on December 22, 2003, 08:19:25 PM
aisab what is the western way of marriage?, marriage is marriage irrespective of the culture.  I was against marriage once, sowed my oats  ;) but when you finally meet the one - marriage becomes so natural.
Title: Re: Is Marriage Right
Post by: Anonymous on December 23, 2003, 03:27:01 AM
jeah, fe shizzle,

I agree, but that is easier said than done, how many people meet that special one? Truly it's a difficult one, and I know too many unhappy marriage. It is easy to get married, but difficult to maintain it. If a man is successful he is expected to see his share of women women if he is arabia, europe, afique or Bill Clinton or who else, I am not being sexist only tellin de truf. marriage is serious stuff, I mean pleazin de families, pleasin dey expetations. It's too much they want you with d perfec girl, and you must kiss up to her famiily, you have to get their blessin and spend you saving for de marriege, and after all you may not like the person, and after all is done end up dislikin tha person, and going else where for satisfaction!
Title: Re: Is Marriage Right
Post by: Masoyi on December 25, 2003, 01:54:56 AM
Agree wit samba 100%

It's like alot of peeps are still waitin 4 Mr or Mrs Right !
Title: Re: Is Marriage Right
Post by: Muhammad on December 25, 2003, 03:51:49 AM
Salam guys
On a more serious level does samba really believe marriage to be something harmful? it is obvoius marriage is fraught with difficulties but that isnt enough reason to forego this ingeneous union.
its the only way muslims can indulge in intercourse legally so,
i think marriage is wicked important.
ciao
Title: Re: Is Marriage Right
Post by: Anonymous on December 25, 2003, 07:32:40 AM
no, marriage is good, but mostly it's marriage dat f@r#u*kz! people up. I mean fe sheezy, on de serious note a women may have been good, and got in a bad marriage u no, O vice versa. All em sayin, yo. Marriage is no play, I mean it's a serious contract. Check it some people have a wife, a plenty galfrien. I'm sayin' why he go marry? Why him no go stay single? He no can respect marriage, ko? So why waste time, wit marriage.

abokina amin, i'm sayin if one cannot be married and take responsiblity of d marriage, why not remain irresponsible and single than wit somebody behavin irresponsibly doin as one please.

feel me, ko

fe shizzle O!
Title: Re: Is Marriage Right
Post by: Ibro2g on December 26, 2003, 03:16:57 AM

Marriage is a previledge, a moral way of courtship...forever.
Marriage has a lot of advantages and disadvantages just like many other phenomenoms we know, which includes LIFE. We know marriage is difficult, but so you are saying if we do find it difficult we quit it, right! people like you will also support sucide, and a whole lot of useless phenomenoms. Sorry If I sound offensive though!
  There was a time when human success was rated with his home, family and children, even before wealth. Heyy then it was wealth. And it still may be. Marriage is a huge responsibility, in a society without responsibility, you are a nobody, nothing even. And a family is a primary responsibility Samba. All that stuff about pleasing the family and all, these are challenges, if you cant pick up challenges in life, then I'm afraid you are not alive. Coz life is all challenges and how good you defeat these challenges define ur life, ur future and success. And if you believe in a God, then your afterlife as well.
    Okay, lets be free thinkers for a sec. How in the name morality and modesty do we bring up a nations' generation from cradle to the grave, with multiple mothers and a billion more fathers, all bastards of the kind?. How is any truth, justice, or good going to come outta this? Imagine every Nigerian is ur father, yet non has ur time or space. You have to be independant from birth Samba, were u?
      I'm sorry I sound so rude, but I think that maybe the closest we could be to extinction.


I'm outta here.
Title: Re: Is Marriage Right
Post by: Anonymous on December 26, 2003, 04:17:55 PM
check this, o.k, marriage is right, but only if people can live ul to what marriage means. all that stuff people used to like, be valued by their family first, homie nobody believes that L@&*. it's all about POWER, MONEY and SEX. I mean people do all this big celebration stuff for marriage most is just an act, and, just for the hell  of it, feel me, ko. Let's be real on dis issue. Some people just can't make it in marriage, how many divorcees do you know, too many. Unless you live in the village. Sh8@% if a  man want's to have children for the heck of it and claim them if one will do as one please why should he bother marry. Just have fun, I don't think anybody respect marriage, it's all about MONEY, POWER and SEX homie. A man can father children take women care for them and never do a court marriage, so why should he bother with marriage. As long as he got the Money and Power. If you beleive in God in pure faith you will be successful in this life and the next, insha'Allah. But few believe that way, it's about SEX and MONEY, and if you don't now you know. Marriage has declined over the years, but power and money has increased. should i explain more simple?

shizzle o
Title: Re: Is Marriage Right
Post by: lionger on December 29, 2003, 02:28:52 PM
well Samba obviously u believe in God right? then u should have no probs w/ marriage; at least that's what you said.

Quote  There was a time when human success was rated with his home, family and children, even before wealth. Heyy then it was wealth. And it still may be. Marriage is a huge responsibility, in a society without responsibility, you are a nobody, nothing even. And a family is a primary responsibility Samba. [bold]All that stuff about pleasing the family and all, these are challenges, if you cant pick up challenges in life, then I'm afraid you are not alive.[/bold] Coz life is all challenges and how good you defeat these challenges define ur life, ur future and success. And if you believe in a God, then your afterlife as well.

great post ibro.
Title: Re: Is Marriage Right
Post by: EMTL on December 30, 2003, 09:40:26 AM
Assalamu alaikum,
having read most opinions on this issue. I wish to refer my friends to a book written by somebody titled, Courtship and Marraiage in Islam'.

And let also remind us that the Holy Prophet (PBUH) said, “Marriage is my way of life; whosoever detests my Sunna, then indeed he detests me.”


EMTL.
Title: Re: Is Marriage Right
Post by: Anonymous on December 31, 2003, 01:36:15 AM
I am talking of court marriage where you sign paper. ???
Title: Re: Is Marriage Right
Post by: ummita on December 31, 2003, 05:58:24 AM
 In a way yes a person shud stay single in a way no, one shud jump d broom.

Marriage cud b termed as a way of increasin self-awareness & d awareness of d marriage partner, increasin exploration & self-disclosure of the spouse's feeling, increasin mutual empathy & intimacy and developin & encouragin  skills in communication,problem-solving and conflict resolution.  

Religiously, Marriage is part of sunni is Islam. A womans pride & dignity is a place in her husbands house. A mans respect and dignity is havin a wife in his house.

Howeva its not as it is. Men & women of nowadays not value marriage not religiously, not even morally. So it cud b possible 2 say that its better 2 stay unmarried than married or mayb odawise. Why because? Marriage is an  important agreement between two individuals.
Its, one of the few responsibilities that is entered in2 with little, if any preparation. mhmmmm some men & women  put more preparation in2 obtaining a driver's license than obtaining a marriage license. Some men & women think they hav inhereted some knowledge of how to be the perfect husband or wife ::). Howeva these assumptions r d very cause 4 divorce rates rising up becus only wen they havent prepared well enuff sooner or later...will dey b seekin 4 divorce ::). But a prepared man is ready 2 get married, ready 2 commit & stay committed        

U c marriage is about preparation: Men you have to prepare!. U have to know what u r doing? The responsibilty and not maltreatment. In my own point of view there r four stages to a marriage. First theres the affair. then the marriage, then children and finally the fourth stage without which u cannnot know a woman is d divorce

Samba, women will only leave a marriage if its displeasin whereas men will split if they get a better offer.

Divorce is not bout wen your woman displeases u, only ignorant men consider that, Marriage shudb anulled under five facts and only that five facts shud stand as grounds 4 divorce, of which r adultery, seperation for more than 2 or 3yrs, desertion  and unreasonable behaviour. Now will you tell me that men of these days consider that. They dnt even consider displeasing.......if she simply puts too much salt in the food he will send her packin!!!!

It is universally acknowledged (so dont disagree) that any bachelor in search of any single man in posssession of a gud fortune, must b in want of a wife.......so if u wan gud fortune OYA GO BRING WIFE! Odawise u know d rest (she laffs)

D only reason y sum husbands divorce their wives is because being a husband is a whole-time job. That is why so many husbands fail. They cannot give their entire attention to it!

Of course one can stay married, if he gets his act right. If he treats her ryt, if he cums homes home early, if he duznt go pickin @ nyt and most of all if he stays humble, sincere, trust worthy & all responsibuley!!! Wats d point of datin a woman wen u know that @ d end of d day u gonna fall 4 her & d big M (marriage) myt not happen? A waist of her time and a waist of ur tym.! If u dnt wanna go thru hassle beta stay single & not 2 even date..........Its d same thing ....wen u with a woman u with a woman & wen u with a man u with a man!!!!

So u tryna say u did not appreacite havin ur parents bring u in2 d world? Cus only wen dey got married did dey give brith 2 u......and surely every man & wife hav ups & downs so u sayin, wen a lil aruguments arises b/w ur parents ur father shud juss divorce ur mum & marry anoda woman? Bro it duznt work that way.

On d oda hand, beta 2 stay single (she laffs) why because? Most marriages dnt add 2 ppl 2geda. They subtract one from d oda........furthermore Marriage is like a bribe 2 make a house keeper thinks shes a househoulder ::)

In marriage u face all problems, duties take kids 2 skool, cook, clean, do d laundary........apart from d normal daily chores....of cookin & cleanin, u hav 2 leave up 2 d expectations of problematic inlaws.......u hav lil rascals runnin around d house mournin & winin, u hav 2 run around & pick up toys, clothes & diapers, in d middle of that d breadwinner cums home....u prepare d food he hassles u bout either 2 much salt or too lil salt but he hav 2 remain patient & b calm cus he is d husband.

D door swing both ways. Both men & women face issues in marriage........but d thing is y committin urself 2 marriage wen @ d end of d day u know that u can live up 2 that?

2day d problem of women that has no name, is how 2 juggle work, love home and children.........& if any1 feels that this is too much of a task betta stay single. I for one think marriage is a bigger commitment & will only stand a chance 4 those with as much greater or stronger committed minds

Apart from jugglin with all those........marriage is like a waist basket of emotions.......lyk she said "why shud marriage bring only tears? All I wanted was a man, with a single heart, and we wud stay togeda, as our hair turned white, not somebody always makin my life miserable.

Marriaed & unmarried ppl........love life dusnt come with guarantees.........so its betta 2 stay perharps in b/w I guess.
Title: Re: Is Marriage Right
Post by: ummita on December 31, 2003, 06:02:18 AM
 Whoa that is long......  :o Ok I took sum painkillas that seem 2 b havin a bad effect first I cant sleep & second I juss fell inluv with typin......no blamin!!!
Title: Re: Is Marriage Right
Post by: Anonymous on January 03, 2004, 08:23:08 AM
Fe Shizzle, true dat 1up.

live life and love to live, life is livin and livin is lovin'

DanBanza, where ye been O.

Big up all, ShiZZle
Title: Re: Is Marriage Right
Post by: Gimbiya on January 05, 2004, 07:04:37 PM
 I want to put my little 2cents in this thread, 'sod it's interesting. I used to think that there's no used of marriage, it brings you noghing but headache. sometimes when hearts been broken you feel like why put the heart in that position again? especially the position of no returns, I thought well at least if there's no legal bound that tied two hearts toghther then it will be an easy way out. I was doing a bit of research about all this, some of my co-workers believe that why rushed yourself into marriage you should love yourself first and your lord. so I came across this  

"O you young men! Whoever is able to marry should marry, for that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty." (Al-Bukhari)
Modesty was regarded as a great virtue by the Prophet. He said, "Modesty is part of faith." (Al-Bukhari)
The importance of the institution or marriage receives its greatest emphasis from the following hadith of the Prophet,


"Marriage is my sunna. Whosoever keeps away from it is not from me."

to fa! kunji fa this is islamically, but I look at the atmosphere that I live in which is the western atmosphere and there too I can see some of the advantage of marriage, first of all in America being married can save you a lot of money. ;D and then I find this article

Married people drink, smoke, and abuse substances less; live longer; earn more; are wealthier; and have children who do better. Yet, many public policies undermine marriage

so as I can see marriage is something one most consider in life, whether you are looking at here after or for right now. don't you think? also remember life is a test so hearts can be broken but it's impossible to run away from all the hardships in life.
Title: Re: Is Marriage Right
Post by: Anonymous on January 06, 2004, 12:16:20 PM
yes it's true fe shizzle, but marriage doesn't gurantee anything but thinning hair. Many married people drink, smoke and are abusive, it doesn't necessarily mean marriage makes someone live longer or shorter, but "what is marriage?", is it just a bunch o words we say in front of D judge ir Imam? And if we can't live up to those words is it best to do tha "common law marriage, where a man is recognized as the provider, and has the responsiblility, but no paper or formality to the relationship, let's be serious some people have so many women they can't choose one it is impossible, so why be a hyprocryite and say one does, when one doesn't, it seems more sensible to make an agreement betwen the two parties, and as long as a man is paying that big money and caring for his women then what de wahala? Love and marriage can be deadly and a heartbreak can kill a person or make them insane! I know many dun go KukU.

but also everyone makes very good points :D

ShizZle
Title: Re: Is Marriage Right
Post by: EMTL on January 06, 2004, 01:29:10 PM
Assalamu alaikum,
Sambo, am afraid you may be developing Marriage-Phobia.
Title: Re: Is Marriage Right
Post by: Dala on January 07, 2004, 12:59:27 AM
So u prefer the clubbing life ko?

Zaka gaya musu!
Title: Re: Is Marriage Right
Post by: Anonymous on January 09, 2004, 12:52:36 AM
No, I don prefer clubbin', but finding that special someone is difficult :-/, those who found that person is lucky person.

ShiZZle  ;)