Author Topic: Laugh Out Loud  (Read 44022 times)

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Offline Hausa Error

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Re: Laugh Out Loud
« Reply #105 on: January 13, 2004, 10:58:35 PM »
EVER WONDERED WHY IT'S SO HARD TO FIND A JOB IN NIGERIA?????
A must read Beautiful day to you. Ever wondered why its so hard to find a job in Nigeria?Chukwu Emeka had just been retrenched from a high flying job, and now he set out hoping to bounce back into the job market. He started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6a.m. While his coffee pot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN ENGLAND, IMPORTED FROM DUBAI), designer jeans (MADE IN SOUTH AFRICA) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA). After cooking his breakfast on his new electric cooker (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today.

After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN JAPAN) according to BBC (BROADCASTING FROM LONDON) time, he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY AND REFURBISHED IN BELGIUM) and continued his search for a good
paying NIGERIAN JOB.

At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Chukwu decided to relax for a while.
He sat on his leather couch (MADE IN CANADA) reading a best-seller novel (PUBLISHED IN USA). After a while he wanted to refresh himself. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), to CNN (TRANSMITTED FROM AMERICA) and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in.....NIGERIA...!
Life is a test. Try get a 'P' atleast.

Offline Maleeq

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Re: Laugh Out Loud
« Reply #106 on: January 13, 2004, 11:09:52 PM »
nigga u gat mi laughin and shyt :D :Dman u gat tha insight of tha main problem, peeps just cant find a descent job in nigeria cuz theres nothin to do .Sorry to say but nigeria is kinna unproductive >:( :(
akavelli da don till I`m gone!!!

Offline *~MuDa~*

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Re: Laugh Out Loud
« Reply #107 on: January 14, 2004, 02:30:26 PM »
Sflendid! ;D
...He begot not, nor is He begotten!
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Offline Dante

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Re: Laugh Out Loud
« Reply #108 on: January 14, 2004, 03:00:28 PM »
LoL  ;D
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Gaskiya tafi komai..........هو الذي

Offline *~MuDa~*

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Re: Laugh Out Loud
« Reply #109 on: January 14, 2004, 03:10:49 PM »
Quote
There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."
Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
The wife smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time".




so ze wibe has been cheatin' on ze man all zis while until 4 zis last son! hahahah
...He begot not, nor is He begotten!
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Offline Hausa Error

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Re: Laugh Out Loud
« Reply #110 on: January 15, 2004, 07:16:30 PM »
WOMEN's PRAYER: Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong, One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks. When he says he'll call, he won't wait weeks. I pray that he is gainfully employed and when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to"How big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And never attempt to hit on my friend. And as I kneel and pray by my bed, I look at the creep you sent me instead. Amen
Life is a test. Try get a 'P' atleast.

Offline Hausa Error

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Re: Laugh Out Loud
« Reply #111 on: January 15, 2004, 07:33:51 PM »
An engineering student is walking along when a fellow student arrives on a new bicycle. Impressed, he asks, "Where did you get this beautiful bicycle?"

"Well," the second engineering student says, "A couple of days ago I was just walking along when this georgeous blonde pulls up, hops off the bike, rips off all her clothes, and says 'take what you want'."

The other engineering student nods and says "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."



                         NIGEERIANS IN HEAVEN
Gabriel came to the lord and said,"I have to talk to u. I have
some Nigerians up here in heaven who are causing some problems.They
are swinging onthePearly Gates,my horn is missing,Maggi sauce and
Ogbono ssoup are all over their robes.Isi-ewu, Cow-feet and Bokoto
bones are all over the streets of Gold; some folk are walking around
with one wing,they have been late taking their turn in keeping the
stairway to heaven clean. There are beer bottles all over theclouds,
some aren't even wearing their halos,saying it doesn't fit their
hairstyles."

The Lord said,"I made them special as i did u, myangel. heaven
is home to all my children. If u really want to know about
problems,let's call the devil."The Devil answered d phone,
"Hello?What the ...!Hold on one minute."The devil returned
to the phone and said, "Hello Lord,what can i do for u?"
the Lord replied, "Tell me what kind of problems uare having
down ther. "the Devil said, "wait a minute,"and put d
Lord on hold. After five minutes he returned to the phone,and said
"Okay,I'm back.What is d question?"d Lord said what kind of
problem are u having down there?" The devil said, "Man, i
don't belieee...hold oh,Lord." This time d Devil returned and
said, "I'm sorry Lord, ican't talk right now . These nigerians
have put d fire out,and now they are trying to install an air
conditioning system!They even bribed my Guys
Life is a test. Try get a 'P' atleast.

Offline *~MuDa~*

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Re: Laugh Out Loud
« Reply #112 on: January 16, 2004, 01:07:22 PM »
A blonde walks into a doctor's office and tells the doctor
she's broken every single bone in her body.
"That's impossible!" says the doctor.

The blonde says, "No, it's really true. Look!"
She then touches her leg with her index finger and screams "Ouch!"
Then she touches her arm and yells "Eeeeoooow!"
Finally she touches her ribs and can barely maintain her composure
as the tears start to roll down her face.
She says, "See, I told you I broke every bone in my body."

The doctor rubs his chin, then conducts a thorough examination.



"Well, miss," he tells her,
"I've got some good news and some bad news.
The good news is, you haven't broken every bone in your body.
The bad news is, you've broken your finger."
...He begot not, nor is He begotten!
www.articlesdir.co.cc

Offline Dante

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Re: Laugh Out Loud
« Reply #113 on: January 16, 2004, 01:29:20 PM »
psycho the rapist.  ;D

A psychotherapist, starting from scratch, was having
such success in
his business that he could now afford to have a proper
shop banner
advertising his wares.

So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him & put
it above his
shop entrance.

But, instead of his business building up, it began to
slacken. He had
especially noticed the ladies shying away from his
shop after reading
the sign board.

So he decided to check it out himself. Then he began
to understand why!

The boy found a small wooden board so he had to split
the word in 3
places.

The sign read:

Psycho
-the
-rapist.
_________________________
Gaskiya tafi komai..........هو الذي

Offline Sophy

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Re: Laugh Out Loud
« Reply #114 on: January 16, 2004, 07:35:54 PM »
                        TOOTHPICK ISSUE!


Oga: Sonny, why toothpick dey finish so? everytime I buy, e go carry style disappear...

Sonny: Oga no be me o, na Madam. everytime I use I dey replace am but everytime she use she go troway am!


                          ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
ife is nothing without friendship!

Offline *~MuDa~*

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Re: Laugh Out Loud
« Reply #115 on: January 16, 2004, 09:43:43 PM »
Men u guys r .....(lol)
...He begot not, nor is He begotten!
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Offline *~MuDa~*

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Re: Laugh Out Loud
« Reply #116 on: January 16, 2004, 10:26:04 PM »
Quote
EVER WONDERED WHY IT'S SO HARD TO FIND A JOB IN NIGERIA?????
A must read Beautiful day to you. Ever wondered why its so hard to find a job in Nigeria?Chukwu Emeka had just been retrenched from a high flying job, and now he set out hoping to bounce back into the job market. He started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6a.m. While his coffee pot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN ENGLAND, IMPORTED FROM DUBAI), designer jeans (MADE IN SOUTH AFRICA) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA). After cooking his breakfast on his new electric cooker (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today.

After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN JAPAN) according to BBC (BROADCASTING FROM LONDON) time, he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY AND REFURBISHED IN BELGIUM) and continued his search for a good
paying NIGERIAN JOB.

At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Chukwu decided to relax for a while.
He sat on his leather couch (MADE IN CANADA) reading a best-seller novel (PUBLISHED IN USA). After a while he wanted to refresh himself. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), to CNN (TRANSMITTED FROM AMERICA) and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in.....NIGERIA...!



And ze joke is (WRITTEN IN ENGLISH)
...He begot not, nor is He begotten!
www.articlesdir.co.cc

Offline gogannaka

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Re: Laugh Out Loud
« Reply #117 on: January 16, 2004, 10:27:52 PM »
LOL LOL LOL... these are the funniest jokes i've read in ages...nearly fell off my chair........keep em comin guys

sophy, ur joke made me stop using toothpics..lol
Surely after suffering comes enjoyment

Offline Maqari

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Re: Laugh Out Loud
« Reply #118 on: January 17, 2004, 01:47:02 PM »
alright here is a funny one : HAFSY
LOL nah im just screwing arround ya'll , i have nothing against the young lady its, its just kind of funny to see a young hausa lady composing sentences in pure east coast ebonics , LOL,( 'yo Hafsy whuts da deal shorty rocks,im kinna diggin your style boo, im sayin' can a nigga holla ? )LOL isnt that how it sounds ? however here is a real joke:

A white boy made his name for himself locally for having the biggest dick in Gary Indiana, he became the beauty parlor topic for young women,eventually he got married to a chick name Wendy to impress his gorgeous new bride he went and got the letters WENDY written in bolds tattoed on his penis,
a while later  on a safari trip through africa,he happened to stop by lagos stadium to watch a soccer game,after the game he went to take a piss in the men's room and next to him stood this full blood black male doubtfull of the infamous myth,the whiteboy starts pearing to his side trying to catch a glimps of the black guys equipment, on the first peek he saw the letter Y tattoed  near the tip , then on the second look he saw the letter W at the base as the man puts his dick  away.
  astoshined at the facts the white boy looks at the black man and asks him : so your wife is named Wendy too,
black man replies :why ?
white man : because u have it tattoed on your dick !
 feeling insulted the black man rips his pants off and exposed his penis holding it with one hand as he angrilly explained:
IT DOSENT SAY WENDY FOOL !!!  IT SAYS :
WELCOME TO NIGERIA AND HAVE A VERY GREAT DAY

 some of ya'll might know this joke in another form or fation , i changed it up a bit just to fit the category , hope ya'll enjoy it ONE peace

Offline kilishi

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Re: Laugh Out Loud
« Reply #119 on: January 17, 2004, 02:41:10 PM »
Quote
EVER WONDERED WHY IT'S SO HARD TO FIND A JOB IN NIGERIA?????
A must read Beautiful day to you. Ever wondered why its so hard to find a job in Nigeria?Chukwu Emeka had just been retrenched from a high flying job, and now he set out hoping to bounce back into the job market. He started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6a.m. While his coffee pot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN ENGLAND, IMPORTED FROM DUBAI), designer jeans (MADE IN SOUTH AFRICA) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA). After cooking his breakfast on his new electric cooker (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today.

After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN JAPAN) according to BBC (BROADCASTING FROM LONDON) time, he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY AND REFURBISHED IN BELGIUM) and continued his search for a good
paying NIGERIAN JOB.

At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Chukwu decided to relax for a while.
He sat on his leather couch (MADE IN CANADA) reading a best-seller novel (PUBLISHED IN USA). After a while he wanted to refresh himself. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), to CNN (TRANSMITTED FROM AMERICA) and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in.....NIGERIA...!



Yes he can't find a job,since he himself doesn't patronize things made in Nigeria,all his belongings are imported,so how does he think that without patronage the industries will work,that serve him right :o ::)
ilishi

 


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