The travails of marriage in Hausa land

[alimsuf]

Salaam All,
Marriage is an important institution in our religion. This is the root of our survival both as human and as a nation.Also, the focal point for our personal happiness and prosperity. It affects the life of every Child have from the marriage and the influence of that Child affect our Global being.

Referencing our case to Hausa land.
What is Ur view about the root of lots of marital problems? and proper advises and solutions.

What is Ur view about Family Planning, Child Spacing and Child restriction amid present situation of unemployment, poverty that ravaged the nation.

The polygamous model, with comparism to other cultures and Islamic States.

[kharuldeen]

i don't like family planning

[ali_grema]

???i guess ur right bro!its good to think ahead cos marriage isn't a days job,i believe the reason for the increasing rate of divorce these days is just due to the cheap sadaq parents collect,if u pay more u won't want to loose ur wife easily,and i believe the question of too many girls than boys.but still the desire to have more is inevitable.that why getting married in maiduguri,borno is damn more expensive and less divorce rate.hope you reason!!!

[gogannaka]

Referencing our case to Hausa land.
What is Ur view about the root of lots of marital problems? and proper advises and solutions.

One of the problems is our non romantic nature.

[alimsuf]

i don't like family planning

Mhm Kharuldeen, I beg tell us why U dont like family planning?? I think say every thing needs planning.  Failure to plan, is it not planning to fail??

[alimsuf]

One of the problems is our non romantic nature.

Thats true Gogannaka. I score U one. More analysis.....

[alimsuf]

???i guess ur right bro!its good to think ahead cos marriage isn't a days job,i believe the reason for the increasing rate of divorce these days is just due to the cheap sadaq parents collect,if u pay more u won't want to loose ur wife easily,and i believe the question of too many girls than boys.but still the desire to have more is inevitable.that why getting married in maiduguri,borno is damn more expensive and less divorce rate.hope you reason!!!

I slightly agree with you Ali g. dat increasing rate of divorce, na due to cheap sadaqi...but remember prophet commend a marriage with less Sadaqi and nowadays, there are lot of bidia or let me say cultural attatchment to the marriage that put both de gals and de boyz in dilema. I think both de boys and de gals are hooked but could not afford the marriage due to de expenditure.....Me, i don de commend sadaka marriage for this our talauci period.

[EMTL]

One of the problems is our non romantic nature.

Assalamu alaikum,
Gogannaka, Very interesting comment, especially from somebody like your goodself, getting set to quit bachelorship.

In my opinion one of the solutions to the above problems of marraige in our society is by being concious that marriage is an Ibadat. Threfore, when we come to choose spouses we should try to value beauty-below-the-skin; character, morals, etc., above attractions like beauty, wealth, positions, etc., the former do not bring perpetual happiness.

[kofa]

I think the major problem is to lie to ur partner (KARYA) in the form of money or something else.and is both on the couples. one hausa proverb "ramin karya kurarre ne"
? And for family planning it's accepted in islam but under one condition,if the health of the mother is in danger or will be in danger if pregnant so it is allowed to eliminate the pregnancy.


 PLS CORRECT ME IF AM WRONG.

[madori]

Salam,
I quite agry with gogannaka and EMTL....But then other problems are: Mu maza mun cika karya da yawa, the Yan mata are too materialistic and Iyayenmu mata na da kwadayi.
Ali G. yanzun ma yaya Balantana kuma a ce sadaki ya fi haka ???

[Ibro2g]

One problem is the believing in the extra superiority, and misunderstanding of marital responsibilities!
Another is the lack of trust
Another would be total absence of love(illusion to us!) and marriages seems to only survive via loyalties...and children(some).

[alimsuf]

And for family planning it's accepted in islam but under one condition,if the health of the mother is in danger or will be in danger if pregnant so it is allowed to eliminate the pregnancy.
?PLS CORRECT ME IF AM WRONG.

I agree with u kofa but seems our culture is turning women to child producing machine without due care to their reproductive health.

[alimsuf]

Still on the move....I use to wonder why most of the advanced educated youth in Northern Nigeria doesnt prefer to marry gals with almost same education like them.

Is it they are afraid they could not manipulate those educated gals as it some times happen?? Or why do the shy away from the deeply educated gals?

[figorms]

i think it is the way people get married this days.as we know marriage is no child's play it is a life acceptance.
it is said in the holy book that talaq(divorce) is most disliked by Allah. and in hausa land we ve a very big problem with this
the rate of females being devorced are to much just bcos they
thing marriage is a one day job which is not.to ve long an ever lasting marriage u ve to get to know each other better
and love must be there. cos to me if u really let love rule ur emotions, then u 'll be a perfect person.

[ummita]

cos marriage isn't a days job,i believe the reason for the increasing rate of divorce these days is just due to the cheap sadaq parents collect hope you reason!!!

Oh No, no & no I do respect ur reasons bt I dnt nt tend 2 reason wit ur reasons.....wat r u sayin Ali G? In a group of 10 divorced men, how many of dem divorced their wives due to cheap sadaqat? :-/ Fair reasonins, increase in  divorce rate is purely due 2 some of these: unreasonable behaviour from either party, marriages irretrivably breaks down if either couple is committin adultery, couples r seperated for 5yrs or when d husband deserts d wife, forced & arranged marriages (where r d hausas, dey r ACE in dat aspect ;)) poor communication link, which is is of vital importance, dat so many hausa men lack & d problem is dat dey hate d emotional rollercoaster 2 ovatake dem, dey lyk being dominant & feel 2 big 2 sit & mediate! More reasons: women do push their boundaries aswell most eps if d husband is re-marryin again......she feels dat theres no way anoda gul will join d family she starts misbehavin, pushin her boundaries d husby gets fed up.....& d only one thing is d(I divorce u three written boldly on paper) d husband lacks patience! lacks temper control! agressiveness ovatakes, arguments escalate to wrestlin & @last she will b asked 2 leave! all these leads 2 marriage break down.........Furthermore these days ppl wed hardly eva thinkin, marriage is not lyk obtainin a drivers license, stop! man stop! woman get skilled & qualified first in d aspects of marriage b/4 u two marry....bt hardly ppl think & dey think dey r well prepared :-/ :.......example: there was a freind, who gt married really young (even thou we protested agaisnt it her parents made their final say) she gt married.......he ill treated her........turned her in2 punchin bag afta excessive alcohol drinkin, deprived her 2 visit her family, treated her family wit self disrespect, bt d biggest bombshell he was in2 sum ish.........later their marriage was ended, anulled, voided.....bck 2 Ali so do u think it was due 2 cheap sadaqat?.......truss me! her dead beat husby paid a great deal of price......! Infact if a groom had d bride as sadaqat wat diff  will it make if trully dey wan2 xchange marital vows? Ppl nowadays wed without checkin bckgrounds, behaviour, weda d husby is a lone assasin he cud b killa wanted, cud b from anywhere! I dnt know y d rush......y ppl wan2 rush marriage.

Family plannin......well if a man is nt financial sustained, cnt c 2 d welfare of his family.......he cant financially support his family den yes.....family plannin is an opt- in........Religiously if its due 2 this reason den its allowed, howeva if a couple can provide 4 d family den its an opt-out bt plz hausa ppl give birth lyk mad, I visited sum woman who gt knocked by my freind, so we had 2 du u d know wat!, she was introducin us 2 her family, there was nt 1, 2, 3 bt 12 of dem & dey r all btw d ages of 10-1 d lass baby was a toddler, I had 2 balance myself agaisnt d wall now dats is juss, its juss kai.........(speechless)

Polygamy.....hmmmm allowed! nt haram! Allah permits it! Prophet (S.A.W) been there, done it.......married more dan 2.....den who r we 2 object 2 it?........if a man feels he wans 2 remarry y nt?.......plz let him go ahead.......BUT regardin religion/culture, these days men r nt marryin 4 d ryt reasons, rather culture wise, if a man feels he is well off, financially secured he marrys again & again...cus dats lykd d norm, d value, dats d style, bt d thing is if a husband cnt show equality, cnt b neutral, cnt b justifiable, cnt b unbiased den am sorry he is nt fit 2 re-marry......let him manage wit one.........How many of u kanoonline men/bois think the can marry four wives, showin equality & remainin neutral 4 d rest of their lives till dem do dem part..........(NONE!) (dat one na history). Its a difficult task handlin four bt men feel proud abt it.....one wife sumtyms cud b a headache tlkless of four :-/