Strange Interesting Things 'Bout Northerners...

[Fateez]

Some very strange things about Northeners...This happened to me a few years ago.

There was a special event in my extended family and everyone was in

town: uncles aunties, cousins, nieces, nephews e.t.c. Anyways, My

birthday was also around that season. On that day i was about to go out

and i bumped into my dad and 2 of his younger brothers in da living

room, he wished me happy birthday and gave me a present. I was very

happy and i hugged him (As per normal thing) and happily walked out of

the house. 1 of my uncles smiled and wished me happy birthday too, but

da other one didnt say anything.


Now i didn't think it'll be a big deal, neither did i think i had done anything

wrong. Ashe he was harbouring it inside. I came home in the evening and

received the biggest UWAKI I have ever received in my

life. Uncle Grumpy waited for my Dad to leave da house so that he could

shout at me for hugging my own biological father! If i hugged someone

else, then i can understand, but my dad is my mahramm, what's wrong

with that?


If you see da kind shoutings i received, u'd think i did something so

shameful to the family. Why is it such a big deal? In my immediate

family, it is a normal thing, i hug my mum, my dad my siblings. Infact it's

a normality.

Why is this family-bonding-gesture frowned upon in our beloved society?

[HUSNAA]

Cabdi! Wa yaga kudu da arewa!!!
Ni I was thinking that yr uncle must be way older than yr dad. Their outlooks are so radically different. One liberal and one traditional.  Sai hakuri. Bayadda zamuyi da iyayen mu.
Ni kuma one of my dad's wives, when she was expecting her first child, my dad decided on a name that he was going to give the child and told it to her. Unfortunately, she had a stillborn. When one of his other wives gave birth to a boy, he named that kid the name that was supposed to have been for the kid of the other wife. Har yau after 23yrs, she has never once called that guy by his sunan yanka because it would have been the name of her first born.

[neozizo]

....you see da kind shoutings i received, u'd think i did something so

shameful to the family. Why is it such a big deal? In my immediate

family, it is a normal thing, i hug my mum, my dad my siblings. Infact it's

a normality.

Why is this family-bonding-gesture frowned upon in our beloved society?

I have a Senegalese step-mother and whenever her peoples come around there is alot of hugging and kissing going on amongst maharrams and non-maharrams.
Initialy we were shocked to wittness this strange al-ada(including other stranger stuff) but now it has become less shocking.
The funny thing is that now,some members of the family (the Nigerian part) are comfortable with huggin and kissing strangers from senegal though they still draw the line when it comes to them showing their'affection' in such a manner towards nigerian members of the family.
Talk of double standards.
But me im your grumpy-uncle-kinda-guy.
We should respect and preserve our tradition's high sense of decency.

[lionger]

Cabdi! Wa yaga kudu da arewa!!!
Ni I was thinking that yr uncle must be way older than yr dad. Their outlooks are so radically different. One liberal and one traditional.  Sai hakuri. Bayadda zamuyi da iyayen mu.
Ni kuma one of my dad's wives, when she was expecting her first child, my dad decided on a name that he was going to give the child and told it to her. Unfortunately, she had a stillborn. When one of his other wives gave birth to a boy, he named that kid the name that was supposed to have been for the kid of the other wife. Har yau after 23yrs, she has never once called that guy by his sunan yanka because it would have been the name of her first born.

Sad case Husnaa  :( .

zizo,

I have a Senegalese step-mother and whenever her peoples come around there is alot of hugging and kissing going on amongst maharrams and non-maharrams.
Initialy we were shocked to wittness this strange al-ada(including other stranger stuff) but now it has become less shocking.
The funny thing is that now,some members of the family (the Nigerian part) are comfortable with huggin and kissing strangers from senegal though they still draw the line when it comes to them showing their'affection' in such a manner towards nigerian members of the family.
Talk of double standards.
But me im your grumpy-uncle-kinda-guy.
We should respect and preserve our tradition's high sense of decency.

I don't think it's necessarily double standards zizo. Its just about accepting/adapting to other peoples' cultures while keeping your own. Last summer I lived in Quebec and the people being French also have this custom of kissing on the cheek b/w the sexes esp. among adults. I had little problem doing this, but that does not mean that I will start doing the same to my sister or mother, no way! That said, I obviously do not have any Quebecois in my extended family!
I think culture is something that evolves. Pick the good parts of others/keep the good parts of ours ans leave the bad.

[HUSNAA]

It is this ridiculous culture of not calling the name of yr first born bcos u have to show modesty (which kind I wonder?) amongst Hausa Fulani. It serves little purpose and can actually be destructive. Its destructive element comes when one must not be seen to be interacting with one's first born in public. Some women never interact with their eldest children at all, even in private. The child is thus deprived of his mother's affections for no reason whatsoever, and I am sure there must have been many a kid who felt bewildered at being rejected or totally ignored by his mother when he went looking for some warmth from her.

A mother's (practical) love is important for the mental health and  welbeing of a child. I used to hear a saying that 'yayan fari dolaye ne' translated 'First borns are dim' (intelligence wise). I think there is an element of truth in this with regards to the Hausa Fulani society because the way first borns are treated by their mothers must surely stunt their mental growth.

[neozizo]

I don't think it's necessarily double standards zizo. Its just about accepting/adapting to other peoples' cultures while keeping your own. Last summer I lived in Quebec and the people being French also have this custom of kissing on the cheek b/w the sexes esp. among adults. I had little problem doing this, but that does not mean that I will start doing the same to my sister or mother, no way! That said, I obviously do not have any Quebecois in my extended family!
I think culture is something that evolves. Pick the good parts of others/keep the good parts of ours ans leave the bad.

1.   I have always thought it deceitful(not to mention perplexing) to apply a set of values and attitudes to one set of people and another to others. Agreed there are some practices hat a person could overlook and even perform when he/she is in the midst of a society other than his/hers but there some which are definitely objectionable to his/her culture, like in the case of us Hausa-Fulani, all aspects of our(and other) cultures that do not clash with our religious beliefs are tolerable but outlawed when the reverse is the case.
2.   To accept/adapt to other peoples' cultures without necessarily putting them into practice is one thing and actually performing the unfamiliar culture is another.
3.   I agree culture should be allowed to evolve for the better but the problem lies with agreeing on the what the criterion should be for assessing decide good or bad.
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