WHY DU WOMEN HAVE JELOUS MINDS?

[sadiq]

[


how d'ya mean??? i dun gettit![/quote]

Wen ur woman sees u chattin wit a lady, she thinks u even hav kids together somewhere. What i cant put a finger on has 2 do wit their complex nature.Help me out! :roll:

[dan kauye]

u saying women r complex??? dat i believe ya 150%..they can be so unpredictable..wit women y'neva knw whut comes next..can i let ya in little?? k,dis sounds more like a confessional but y'gotta b'lieve its f'real not make believe..where do i begin??..dis gurl i knew 4 close 2 say..er.erm..say 4 years..to me?? half JUST ladypal & half my gurl(lol)..funny huh?? but dats juss whut it was!..though she knows whut i really feel 4 her was more dan JUST mere frendship yet often times she treats me no more dan a casual frend..thot bout quitting d whole frendship ties betweenus but..somhow i felt i was gonna be on d loosing end if eva i ventured in2 dat coz she neva seem 2 care..dont get me wrong,we get2gether,blend well,swap txt msgs,calls,chats,hang out & all..but dat aint half close 2 d real thang ,is it? nope!...this went on 4 a very darn tyme...y'knw..though she told me she's boyfrend free & any guy she hangs wid is juss as mere a frend 2 her as i was..or so she said..she neva gets jealous weneva i mention a new gurlf or sum'en..y'knw its really killing wen u dnt knw ur stand..s***t  was too damn casual(xcuse d S word but dats exactly whut it was)..den i left kano 4 skool..still we kept in touch y'knw on & off...dis particular tyme came wen she sent me an unusual txt msg(coz she sends me frenship dis..frendship dat txts)..it read...
"I WISH I NEW WHY I SENT THIS TEXT & I WISH I KNEW WHY IT HAS 2 BE U"..i was like ..weida min! is she falling or whut??? half me wants 2 b'lieve but d other half was adamant 2 be b'lieve so i just let slide & carry on..more intimate txts went on d way..a'a i got so confused & i cudnt bring meself 2 tel anysoul coz i b'lieve nobody cud conprehend it..normally wen i come 2 kano i call her 2 announce my arrival 2 see if she wud luv 2 hang wid me or som'en  but NAH!..if she's not sooper bizy wid skool den she be attending a special wedding or party/get2gether sometymes even funeral..kai all sorts of lies dai..i olweiz invite her 2 any happening i come accross but she declines my offer..siting reasons like being bizy or som'en..so dis time i was in town..not any curious 2 cee her like b4 coz i was already loosing interest in d whole thang..i sent her a text telling her i've bin around 4 like a month & juss decided 2 say hi! how she reacted??? she freaked out!.."so u've bin around 4 2 long but neva rememberd 2 come ova & say hi or see me"..she went on & on & on..which confused me d more..cos dis was som one who neva takes special delight in seeing me  other dan d casual ritual..not 2 talk of hanging out & yet all of a sudden she's perplexed,annoyed & surprised by ma indiffrence 2 visit or call her ..a'a ..dis gurl was really falling & dats f'real!..it got 2 a point wen she cud no longer hold on so she called 2 see if i cud come over 2 her crib..me neman kuka an dake shi(lol)..ofcourse i went..no sooner dan i settled dat she started blurting out..as if she's bin told she's gon loose me if she ddnt...she started..d truth is..i..i..i..then went ahead 2 beat abaut a perfect bush..eeek! infact triple eeeek big tyme!..went silent 4 a coupler mins..y'knw dat kinda thang..den i went...see i perfectly undastood u ..i really got ur jerk..y'neednt say it & all..she was kinda relieved..leaving a big shock in me..even as i rode home..then came endless,txts,mails,calls,..olweiz asks ma frends thangs abaut me..or if i'm around or if i was spotted hanging wid some gurl or som'en..i began 2 wonder..why all d sudden change of mind?? is it possible not 2 lov som one @ 1st & then go ahead 2 alternate/ change?? is it f'real??? dusnt she hav an ulterior motive?? is dat how women's heart works?? are women dat complex??? ...i knw its narrow mindedness 2 conclude dat all women r like dat but one but lotta lotta women r dat complex i just dnt get it! is it dat they find it hard 2 say d three words or better xpress them..must they play hard 2 get ??? is it a trait in hausa gurls??? an onliner whose name i think is..humrah once said som'em which made a prominent relevance in respeact 2 hausa gurls..she said som'en about hausa chicks not being honest 2 themselves & going 4 whut they truly want..instead they reverse d caes under d cloud of pretense..she went"they r heavily paying d price 4 it" and its tru @least in mah case coz truth be told..WALLAHI..i've lost considerable interest in her now dats she's ready 4 som'en real..though i cnt deny dat i still hv a little thang 4 her cozy'cnt eradicate it overnite.can ya???..so SADIQ..i think women r more complex than a chemical compound(in some ways)..peace y'all!

[Ihsan]

dan kauye, wasu matan haka suke. They play the hard to get game and then at the end kuma give in easily. I guess it depends on the nature of the person. I know I don't give in easily with regards to such things and so the guys think that I am playing hard to get...but that's not true; I have my reasons.

It's true we r complex...one min we want this and the next we have changed to another...but that's the nature of human beings...we are unpredictable (all of us). So it's not just the girls but also the guys. Allah Ya na gani ina tsoron complexity din ku maza. Lokacin da ake wutar sonki (the first few months) they act like idan kika ce su shiga wuta, for u, they will. But da an kwana biyu kuma sai zance ya sake! U will think is he is really the same person that was doing all that wooing and stuff? Dan haka ni kam ina dan baya baya da maza shi yasa har sukan ce ina playing hard to get. I HATE to get into a relationship just to be...err what is the word...yeah! MISERABLE after some time. Relationship has it ups and down...I do expect to have a "lover's spat" among other things. But I hate it when a guy give me that "I-am-never-going-to-break-your-heart", "you-are-the-world-to-me" image; be real!

As for the main topic ...women and jealousy, all I can say is (as I have sai before)...idan munyi kishi a ce munyi, idan ba muyi ba a ce ba mu son mutum...to yaya zamu yi saboda Allah? And jealousy shows that we care and that we do not want someone to step into our territory  :lol: . Same goes for the guys...they have jealousy in their blood. And we like to see our guys jealous over us (lol)...it shows they care.

AMMA...da kwai jealousy din kuma da yake na fitar hankali. Every move u make ya sani! or vice versa. I don't like that! It's as if you do not trust one another. Relationships are about trust, caring, blah, blah, blah. Trust comes first...without it, all is lost.

[precious]

I think u guys shud read this book:'why men dont listen and women cant read maps'.apart from being educating its also entertaining.And really a lot is explained about the differences btw men and women.

[dan kauye]

I think u guys shud read this book:'why men dont listen and women cant read maps'.apart from being educating its also entertaining.And really a lot is explained about the differences btw men and women.

think i heard of dis very book..toyed wid d idea of ge'en it but ddnt quite went round 2 make any move..& there's dis other book..erm..'men r 4rm mars, women r 4rm venus..its really gr8,insights on diffrences in behavioral pattern wid respect 2 gender but in a novel way or som'en..though i agree 2 disagree wid a couple of d authors' views..d book is a definate classic!

[Anonymous]

@ ihsaneey,yup..me thinks its not really gross 2 play d hard 2 get game a little..it dusnt hurt either..afterall nothing good comes easy & in some ways its a feminine xpression of self worth but ovadoing it -is d troublem!..& dats a regular occurence in d r/ship style of hausa girls....oky,she loves him fine!..but plays sooper-hard -2-get..how d heck wud he knw she luvs him wen she acts like she ain't care,refuses 2 answer his calls properly or talk 2 him non-chalantly like she dusnt need him,wen she robs him of his confidence-yes!,wen she deflates his ego,wen ..wen...wen..then he feels cheated & looses interest ..there she goes trying 2 refresh an expired page??? revive whuts dead? starts feeling if i had knwn??..dama 'y'neva whut you have till its gone'..then u begin 2 want whut u cnt have or touch whut u cant grab???ina..emotions are not toys @least not in r/ship !

i believe there's an awesome diffrence between being MALE & being MAN..how do i possibly xplain dis?? if y'knw d diffrence btw a HOUSE &  HOME then y'knw where i'm really coming 4rm..some r just male..but not men..it takes a lot 2 be real!..wen u real evrything else abaut u becomes real ..driving my point home-a real guy/man wont stop luving ya juss coz u reciprocated ur luv 4 him...dats a whole ball game of its own & i wnt deviate in2 dat @least not now..

women & jealousy..whut more can i say??? It's okay 2 feel jealous, as long as u can contain & channel it in a positive manner .oky....i s'pose y'all knw dat there r difrent kinds of jealousy..lol..cute,healty & obsessive jealousies..i'm not venturing in2 dat too ....i agree wid ihsan dat trust is d backbone of every healthy relationship & u shouldn't let ur insecurities destroy urs. More importantly, show d lady d same respect u  wud want her 2 show u. If u can do as u please, then so can she.

just found this..5 ways 2..
Here are five ways to get a grip on your jealousy before you lose control and do something you may later regret:

1- Learn from past experiences
Look at how your behavior affected past relationships and use that to help you behave better. You may soon discover that these tantrums are the cause of your troubled love life. Realize that getting upset with him for no reason won't help your situation.

2- Deal with reality
Focus on what is really happening, not what you perceive to be happening because with time, you may end up having difficulty distinguishing fact from fiction, and you don't want to kill an otherwise perfect relationship over things that never really happened. Don't let your imagination dictate the kind of person he really is.

3- Respect yourself
Realize that he chose you for a reason and there is no need for hhim to be so easily tempted elsewhere. Remind yourself that you're every bit as deserving as those women  you feel threatened by.

4- Get a third party's opinion
Ask a friend to take note of your behavior around your boyfriend. It may help you to fully understand the extent of your actions (as well as his) by getting a neutral party's perspective.

5- Set some rules early on
Try establishing some general guidelines as to what is and isn't acceptable for you. This way, you'll both have justification for outbursts when either of you is behaving improperly.

don't overreact !..peace y'all!

[dan kauye]

@ ihsaneey,yup..me thinks its not really gross 2 play d hard 2 get game a little..it dusnt hurt either..afterall nothing good comes easy & in some ways its a feminine xpression of self worth but ovadoing it -is d troublem!..& dats a regular occurence in d r/ship style of hausa girls....oky,she loves him fine!..but plays sooper-hard -2-get..how d heck wud he knw she luvs him wen she acts like she ain't care,refuses 2 answer his calls properly or talk 2 him non-chalantly like she dusnt need him,wen she robs him of his confidence-yes!,wen she deflates his ego,wen ..wen...wen..then he feels cheated & looses interest ..there she goes trying 2 refresh an expired page??? revive whuts dead? starts feeling if i had knwn??..dama 'y'neva whut you have till its gone'..then u begin 2 want whut u cnt have or touch whut u cant grab???ina..emotions are not toys @least not in r/ship !

i believe there's an awesome diffrence between being MALE & being MAN..how do i possibly xplain dis?? if y'knw d diffrence btw a HOUSE &  HOME then y'knw where i'm really coming 4rm..some r just male..but not men..it takes a lot 2 be real!..wen u real evrything else abaut u becomes real ..driving my point home-a real guy/man wont stop luving ya juss coz u reciprocated ur luv 4 him...dats a whole ball game of its own & i wnt deviate in2 dat @least not now..

women & jealousy..whut more can i say??? It's okay 2 feel jealous, as long as u can contain & channel it in a positive manner .oky....i s'pose y'all knw dat there r difrent kinds of jealousy..lol..cute,healty & obsessive jealousies..i'm not venturing in2 dat too ....i agree wid ihsan dat trust is d backbone of every healthy relationship & u shouldn't let ur insecurities destroy urs. More importantly, show d lady d same respect u  wud want her 2 show u. If u can do as u please, then so can she.

just found this..5 ways 2..
Here are five ways to get a grip on your jealousy before you lose control and do something you may later regret:

1- Learn from past experiences
Look at how your behavior affected past relationships and use that to help you behave better. You may soon discover that these tantrums are the cause of your troubled love life. Realize that getting upset with him for no reason won't help your situation.

2- Deal with reality
Focus on what is really happening, not what you perceive to be happening because with time, you may end up having difficulty distinguishing fact from fiction, and you don't want to kill an otherwise perfect relationship over things that never really happened. Don't let your imagination dictate the kind of person he really is.

3- Respect yourself
Realize that he chose you for a reason and there is no need for hhim to be so easily tempted elsewhere. Remind yourself that you're every bit as deserving as those women  you feel threatened by.

4- Get a third party's opinion
Ask a friend to take note of your behavior around your boyfriend. It may help you to fully understand the extent of your actions (as well as his) by getting a neutral party's perspective.

5- Set some rules early on
Try establishing some general guidelines as to what is and isn't acceptable for you. This way, you'll both have justification for outbursts when either of you is behaving improperly.

don't overreact !..peace y'all!

ASHE AIKIN BANZA NAYI,ME UP THERE 4GOT 2 LOG IN.

[kitkat]

I think u guys shud read this book:'why men dont listen and women cant read maps'.apart from being educating its also entertaining.And really a lot is explained about the differences btw men and women.

see www.marsvenus.com , the site of John Gray author of men are from mars women are from venus. I think it's something along the lines of the book you refer to above, but although thse comparisons hit the nail on the head most of the time you have to consider the cultural context under which they're drawn from.

I think the bottom line is women are definitely more emotionaly complex than men, and my personal creed is not to waste time trying to understand something thats beyond human comprehension and is in a constantly evolving state.  Just live for the moment and assume youre dealing with someone that's as equally suprised at some of the things she does, as you are most of the time and you'll be fine , otherwise you'll end up in therapy.

Consider this connundrum. If jealousy is a reaction borne out of true love and true love can only exist in an atmosphere of mutual trust, then why should a woman get jealous about a guy shes caught umpteen times in the past and does not trust him beyond the front door? She'll not allow any female friends or even acquaintances because she has a graphic memory of more than 20 "friends" who have turned out to be something else. Then why bother??

Another question that queries the love-trust-jealousy triangle is polygamy. Knowing the possibility always exists should a woman trust that her husband will never really marry another in our society?  If he goes ahead (The dog!! :evil: ) should she be or continue to be jealous of the new wife?  If she dosent or she does initially then moves on , does that mean shes fallen out of love, or never really loved him??

Answers please ladies, on this issue im as dumb as the next guy. I just live by my own personal rules and they've worked for me so far :D  :D

[Ihsan]

Consider this connundrum. If jealousy is a reaction borne out of true love and true love can only exist in an atmosphere of mutual trust, then why should a woman get jealous about a guy shes caught umpteen times in the past and does not trust him beyond the front door? She'll not allow any female friends or even acquaintances because she has a graphic memory of more than 20 "friends" who have turned out to be something else. Then why bother??

Another question that queries the love-trust-jealousy triangle is polygamy. Knowing the possibility always exists should a woman trust that her husband will never really marry another in our society?  If he goes ahead (The dog!! :evil: ) should she be or continue to be jealous of the new wife?  If she dosent or she does initially then moves on , does that mean shes fallen out of love, or never really loved him??

Answers please ladies, on this issue im as dumb as the next guy. I just live by my own personal rules and they've worked for me so far :D  :D

I don't really get the first question (too much programming in my head I guess (lol))

As for the second question...hmmm...a woman should never put it in her head that she'll be the only woman mijinta zai aura! Ay dama kawai mace ta saka akanta namiji fa na mace hudu ne! Never take it to ur head that u'll be the only one when a guy tells u "you r the only one - daga ke ba kari"...yana cikin giyar so ne ya fadi haka. Give him few years zaki ji ya zo da small voice wai zai kara aure!
So first rule: a guy is for four women; never think that u'll be the only one!

I know I wudn't like to share my husband with another. But what can i do? in dai har ya saka kanshi sai yayi auren nan fa it's better to let him go ahead with it; kar ma ki tayar da hakalinki!(Yeah, right!) Da tsohuwar zuma ake magani!

[kilishi]

Kishi a wurin mata ai adone,the only thing iss that wasu basa kishin yadda ya dace meye na kishin mace don mijinta nason girkin dayan instead of zafin rai da bata rai just try and learn how to cook kema in zani tafi ki iya daura wa then tie your wrapper well so that ba afiki tsumma ba baza a yaba miki kwarkwata ba.
  Na yadda da maganar ihsan cewa maza basu da tabbasa din kara aure ,akwai friend dina da kullum tadin ta shine mijin ta yayi alkawarin ba zai yi matra biyu ba,infact da ya tashi gini he made provision 4 only one wife,this made her ta bugi kirji ta ce ai bazai iya aure ba,kuma a fannan komai na kyautatawa tana masa,she dont have problem with his family and friends they all like her cos of her fara'a da son mutane,kwatsam sai gashi mijin ta yace zai yi aure,inda ta rufa wa kanta asiri shine bata nunawa mijinta bacin ranta sosai ba,musamman tunda ba tare zasu zauna ba,amma kuma fa almost every day sai tayi kukan kishi for almost six years haka take in kun shigo gidan tadin kenan but she didnt show her damuwa to the husband .only that ta bada sharudda wanda you know men in zasu yi aure they have to comply.

[ummita]

u saying women r complex??? dat i believe ya 150%..they can be so unpredictable..women r more complex than a chemical compound(in some ways)..peace y'all!

C pessin!!.........who'z wri'en longggggggggg naaaaaa? :evil:

[Ibro2g]

Well ha! seems we got alotta profs `n experienced daters...but it still wouldnt change humans. The human mind, male or female is like a living thing of its own. It makes every decision of what is happenin to us `n what will happen... no matter our efforts we gotta defeat that first. Nothing has an enourmous effect on the mind than fear... thats obvious huh?, then the next thing is excitement, constant, momentarily and new. Nothing much. Humans trade very important things in thier lives no matter how dearly(sorry love) for excitement. Congratulations, love brings us that excitement!


Its kinda advisory 4 peeps to tell the truth in a relationship, no sweat to it! Yeah, 4 a lady I do believe a lady widout much pride has got nothing...no matter how preety or smart(she cant be even). Shez gotta play d hard to get thing but in a right way(our gurlz need lectures on this), u do dat to check on sincerity, until ur convinced dont make it easy... When u r...its best 4 u to be true, to him and most importantly, urself.
On another issue, male female relationships need not be empty. Thats wat comes about the extinction of it. When u share, u expose...but try to find a way to be suspenceful... neva lack out of her. Stay away if u both are empty. Your partner is suppose to be th one who knows u most not ur friends (since when?).Some tmes I see thangs dat makes me believe we r all illusinatin... search ur self `n prove it wrong

Jealousy on its stage is simple instinct, no overreaction, no staging, nada! Its always there, all day everyday. It becomes a problem when it cant be controlled, like a wild beast insida ya, popping up as ur mind double. Its not female or male...I think the jealousy syndrome is juss as large 4 both sexes. In our society(the world today infact) there are more women than men, I guess dat explains it all, yet again like mah sista Ihsany said up there, there are more Males than women, just a few men though, If ya get mah point.But while u remain a captive of anothers heart, you cant afford to see som`n so dearly...forgive me "dat dearly" under threat not 4 a second. But when it happens, ya juss take counter measures...Hey I dont mean get someone else, but find it in u to be sincere...at least to no one else but ur partner. Remind him or her of ur mutual importance, and if any hesitation comes up, beleieve me, ya gat som`n 2 be pissed at....take a hike, I mean a brake at it. Its not easy, but its a test 4 both of ya. If the offender is real enuff 4 u, she/he will come back. Remember, whateva was meant to befall u was neva meant to miss u, `n wateva misses u was neva meant to befall u... If ur partner wants to run away there is no winning back, only trouble! (I hate those battles) Ci sorry ka mari forget as much as u can, and hope for a betta one. If ur married haha its alot different I swear.

Complexity... well I'd say its human nature...but like the laws said in Orwell's novel"All animals are equal but some are more equal than the others!" We have the same things but sometimes differ in manner or extent. Reason? They'll be nothing to write home about if we all know the same things and are all alike in all respects.(search ur holy book) So female complexity is way more forward than males. Ya see, Men are complex as humans, but women are complex even more, humanly and womanly. The woman acquires much more faster than a man, sometimes even think faster...source of very fast solutions, but immediate, has little importance to long term problems... the man on the otherhand neva....lets say doesnt forget, makes up for past and long term problems... I betta stop here b4 I get attacked!


And ahhh... Dan Kauye, I feel ya. But dont think every lil concern is lovely, I swear she might not even know what she feels bout u herself...to herself. Define complex? In anycase, I wish ya luck.

What I dont get is why cant things be simple and everyone gets wat he/she wants. If u like som1 why dont u juss tell em, if not move on and it'll solve everyones problem!

[tukur]

Its natural.  

To be jealous is devine.

To be tolerant is also divine.

To accept some one is also devine

However, to be foolish is satanic.

Be moderate and Allah will bless you.


From Tukurtukur

[Obasanjo]

Tukur this is right wat you sayd.

my quesion here is "do all men have good and not jelous minds??"
i'm a jelous person when it comes to my...... what of you?



[/size]

[ummita]

It doesnt matter if its your girlfreind or boyfreind, your wife or husband, bestfreinds etc and wat eva d circumstances might b I seriously dont c d point of being jealous. God plans our everyday life which is ineviatable.  What ever happens, happens for a reason. Jealosuy is juss painting ur inner mind with anger, frustration,sadness,misery,depression, annoyance,vengence,revenge, guilt,doubtness, (& d beat goes on).....& if you allow it 2 sabotage ur inner mind it will turn itself into somewhat......uhmmm (camourflaged evilness). So why go thru all these? Why bruise ur heart that much wen u know u can b far above jelousy. The most blessed of ppl r those who desire nothing bt d hereafta rather than being simply jealous of such & such!

C'mon...ppl (dnt make me laff in tears). How can you declare affection & say u gotta b jealous of it @ d same time? If u cared d world bout some1 then y b jealous. 2 care is 2 c no fault, no blame watsoeva, in d eyes of d oda party. So if so & so r on bout jealousy as a sign of luv. I say no, dats wat I call "tainted love"....... :? Plus lack of trust is a key element of jealousy!

Like I read above, someone said jealousy makes a complete woman: I strongly disagree. Though some even claimed that jealousy is produced by love, just like ashes are by fire, but yet jealousy extingusihes love as ashes smother the flame. So dnt u think some marriage divorces, relationship break-ups, freindships goin in shambles are all due to jealousy? Like ma brotha use to say when he feels narrow minded(she laffs).......that "Jealousy is the definition of a woman" uhmmm excuse me.......ALOT of men are so super worse! Yet even, some claim that it completes a womans personality...........ko dei it poses as a personality threat?

Or shud we start relatin episodes where women turn their hubbys into barbecue. How many related issues of hot water & oil burnin hav we nt heard bout hubbys getin, on d pronounciation of a second wife? Or is it bulldozin of a new house 4 amarya by d first wife we havent heard? Ok maybe the silliest is where d man divorced his new bride juss afta a yr & a couple of mnths of being togeda in hold matrimony, cus he so happens 2 spot her talkin to a man in d market & thinkin she was havin ex-marital affairs, when the poor guy was actually her own blood brother, or where a guy ended his relationship thinkin he was being two-timed which has become a norm of the men of now adays..... once they spot u talkin 2 a "HE"..........dey don conclude finish dat u cheatin! Perhaps jealousy is not d evil source......because it is gud of a personality right? :roll:

Oya make we all fold arms.....continue watchin these kinda of neva endin stories, jealousy is juss part of showin affection right?!

Brotha Tukur, Obj & Mujahid wuna try well well........mayb wen they show u pepper you might reconsider :lol: