Make Me Laugh!

[bakangizo]

Wai wasu barayi ne suka je sata wani gida da dare. Aka rasa yadda za'a haura katangar, sai suka cicciba dayan su, suka dora kan katangar ya haura. yana dira cikin gidan, sai ya hangi wani fankacecen gajeren wando an shanya a igiyar shanya a tsakar gida. Ai ba wata-wata, sai barawon ya sami benci a nan, ya taka ya hauro waje yana haki. 'Yan'uwan sa suka ce me yasa ya dawo bai dauko komai ba?. Yace musu, "ai ba ta dauko kaya ake ba. Wallahi muyi maza mu bar gidan nan, domin in mai gajeren wandon nan ya damke mu, baza muji da dadi ba!!"

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[gogannaka]

Hehehehehe!

Kai wannan barawo akwai hangen nesa.

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[Dan-Borno]

lol, wannan shine irin na wanda shi kuma da ya diro cikin gidan
ashe an soma tona shadda ne amma dare yayi, sai aka ce wai
a bari sai gobe, sai kawai barawonka ya fada a ciki.  Jim kadan
shi da kansa ya soma ihu wai wayyo Allah barawo, a zo a taimake
shi.

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[ummutameem]

A popular motivational speaker addressing his audience said: "The best
Years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"
The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: "And that
woman was my mother!"

Laughter and Applause

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried

to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a
drink. He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, "The
greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was

not my wife!" The wife went; "ahhhh!" with shock and rage.

Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the
joke, the manager finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!"

By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital
bed nursing first degree burns from boiling cooking oil.

Moral of the story: if u cant paste, dont copy!

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[ummutameem]

MARRIAGE HUMOUR
wife:what are u doing?
husband: nothing.....
wife:nothing!  youve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour
husband: yeah, i was looking for the EXPIRY DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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[bakangizo]

Yana neman tsira kenan 

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[ummutameem]

dont mind d fool, bai san duk haka muke ba! must be d X chromosome

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[ummutameem]

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to Ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she Would go to Italy to secretly have the child..

If she stayed in Italy To raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child  Turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.


To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, And Write  'Spaghetti'  on the back. He would then arrange for the Child Support  payment to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

'You received a very strange postcard today,' she said.

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he replied. The Wife  obeyed.


And watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.     
Three with meatballs, two without.           
Send extra sauce.
 

.



__,_
 
 
 

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[Dan-Borno]

lol kurika yi a hankali kada mutum ya shake
wai, spaghetti spaghetti spaghetti spaghetti spaghetti

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[Suleman]

Isaac:  "Dat burial wey I go yesterday, you see the coffin? Jesus, it is made of polished mahogany with a glass top".
Emeka: "mtttshew, see you, to say you see de coffin wey I burry my mama last year ehn?.... Die for hungry you".

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[ummutameem]

kai, super coffin ke nan!

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[Bayya]

 

    Abi!

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[bakangizo]

                    IN - HOUSE MEMO
 



TO:            My Darling & Sweetheart
FROM:        Your One & One only
SUBJECT:    FIFA World Cup 2010 – Holding between June 11 and July 11 2010  
DATE:        June 04, 2010

My Sweetheart, you know that there is nobody like you! My love for you is as solid as Mount Everest . You also know that I love football – abi???
World Cup 2010 will start on June 11 and it’s very important that I send this memo in advance as notice that things may have to change during this period. FIFA has already endorsed the memo.
                        
Please endeavour to read the sports section of all your favorite newspapers so that you are adequately aware of the goings on regarding the World of Soccer. This will enable us have fruitful conversations during the period and prevent any complaints of inadequate attention noting that all conversations during the said period, will be mainly about the “mundial”.
 
•        During the World Cup, the LCDTV in the living room, becomes mine – every time I am at home.    
          Please act as if the African Magic Channels do not exist during this period on this TV.
 
•        Please avoid passing in front of the TV during games.
 
•        When matches are on, I may be blind, deaf and mute unless I require a refill of my drink or need
          something to chop!

•        Please, please and please!! If you see me upset during or after any match DO NOT say “it’s only a
         game” because it is  not. It is more than a game!
 
•        Feel free to sit with me to watch the games but reserve all discussions for half time and
          only when the  advertisements / commercials are on.

•        Please note that action replays are as important as the main thing!
 
•        Finally please advise your friends and in fact our families NOT to arrange any gatherings that require
          my attendance  as I WILL NOT GO O!!!!!!
 


Thank you my darling for your cooperation and understanding.
I know you love me too!!!!!!
Your one and only sweetheart   - It is a goal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 


Best Regards

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[ummutameem]

ha ha, this guy is loco!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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[Suleman]

A friend told me this one.
A Japanese lady was seconded to my friends office in Germany and they got talking. He asked her how she was coping, as she said she had never been outside of Japan. She answered that it took her a bit of time to adjust especially the food. She mentioned that in Japan they eat 'cat meat' and found it a bit difficult to buy them (for food) in Germany. My friend said that was because it was not legal to kill them for food, but she rejected his claim saying "cat meat is sold even at the supermarkets". She said that one day she was going round in the supermarket and she came into this row with cats on tins of all colors; since then she said she had never had to worry about where to buy her 'cat meat'.

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