The travails of marriage in Hausa land

[bakangizo]

mhmmm as for that you girl Bakan-Gizo, you go soon bite finger  :roll: and by that time she be in the arms of another man.[/color]

Let me admit that I liked her. I really do. I wished things turn out differently. But, sorry to disappoint you. No regret so far. :D

[naijagal]

i think the whole problem with hausa men is that they are intimidated by an educated woman. oh yes its true. i was in love with a man, and i was ready to come move to kano to be with him, but i guess he felt that he couldnt control me because when somthings wrong i speak the truth and when somthings right i speak the truth. a man should never be intimidated but be proud to have a woman who can represent him at anytime.my parents want me to marry in kano. but some of the men there just make me think other wise. you see so many young men with 2 or 3 wives with so many children, and they dont have stable jobs and money to live comfortably, but yet they marry because its writtin in the quran, but some seem to forget that in the quran it states that"  A MAN CAN MARRY UP TO 4 WIVES ONLY IF HE CAN LOVE AND TREAT THEM EQUALLY"  i guess this part the men forget to read. lol but hausa men need to show a little more compassion for their wives, make her feel like his queeen and give her the love that she deserves, then she wouldnt be thinking of divorcing to marry somone else if your doing what makes her feel good. i mean come on guys we go through alot: get pregnant, give birth, raise the kids, cook, clean, wash clothes, house work. so why not show a little more respect for the woman of the house and let her know that she is appreciated rather than make her feel as if thats her daily duty.


salam
naijagal

[gogannaka]

but i guess he felt that he couldnt control me because when somthings wrong i speak the truth and when somthings right i speak the truth.
At times the truth is better left unsaid.

but some seem to forget that in the quran it states that"  A MAN CAN MARRY UP TO 4 WIVES ONLY IF HE CAN LOVE AND TREAT THEM EQUALLY"  i guess this part the men forget to read.

This one's a bit simple ai....The same God swore in the qur'an that we can never treat equally our wives.

lol but hausa men need to show a little more compassion for their wives, make her feel like his queeen and give her the love that she deserves

LOL.. the hausa men are seriously UNROMANTIC. That explains why the hausa language has very few words expressing love.Its sort of a taboo.


salam
naijagal

[naijagal]

:oops: lol your right, but i know i dont keep my mouth shut for nothing. its hard for me not to express myself. so i guess men would feel intimidated when i speak somtimes. but insha allah i might meet that one who would know where i am coming from, one who only wants one wife and one who is compassionate and romantic.

salam
naijagal

[precious]

InshaAllah.
But i doubt such a person exists among the arewa men.Ko ya zauna da mace dayar dai toh forget that romantic stuff you are yearning for.or so many other minuses...
Just pray you will be happy wat ever the situation you find yourself in.No ones perfect and the happy ever after is in fairy tales.if you understand that,then marriage will be so much happier(especially to the educated girls).

[bakangizo]

All the best naijagal, but me think the best to wish and pray for would have been a God fearing man. Someone who would treat you well and justly, rather than seeking for "romantic, compassionate and who wants only one wife". Life is not a novel or those carefully prepared romatic films, you know. Amma Allah ya bada sa'a. But do try and moderate how you "express yourself or how you don't keep your mouth shut".

Precious:  To say that such men as required by naijagal don't exist in Arewa is a little far fetched. Guda nawa kika gwada? Akwai su (mu) da yawa. Ba ki ji ance maza dangin gurjiya bane? Sai an fasa akan san na kwarai!

[neozizo]

My vew is that people make the mistake of thinking that what their son rai desires is the only suitable thing.
In reality it is almost never so.Sometimes that which you like the most is not the right thing for you but rather what might be eventually the best thing is the one you would initially shun.
So i agree with Bakan~Gizo that the premeditaded notion of romance, love, monogamy, financial security etc  are in reality not the yardstick for deciding on a life-partener(though they have adegree of importance).

What anyone(i'm presuming this thread is about marriage in muslim-hausalands) should do is perform the Sunnah of Istikhara and rely on judgements based on the criteria laid down by the Holy Prophet(saw).
I dare say the over-reliance on the aforementioned romantic notions might be responsible for the bulk of failures ofmarriages in our part of the world.

[WATERSPIDER]

This topic has turned from "the travails of marraige in hausa land" to let us bash hausa men and blame them for all the problems. Not all hausa men choose marry uneducated women, prevent there wives from working, or even have the intention of marrying more than one wife(which is allowed if u can be just between them).
My grandmother once told me in the old days it was embarassing for to wife to be an only wife resons for this are ,both social and other wise.
In the old days men dont frown when they are in there houses and then come outside and flirt with anything that walks in skirt )or wrapper).
There was a better sense of social responsibility in those days.
Marraige is about romance and companionship before the wedding and after.The girls just concentrate on "akwati nawa aka kawo na lefe","anko",and how many guests there will be in this big fancy dinner event in this fancy hotel.
The men kuma there own is worse,is she light colored?(yan kano kun san kanku),is she tall,she has a nice "figure",who is her father(minister,governor,international businessman).
Above all i beleive that if we did put 50% of the energy we put in courtship into marraige we would not have problems.Both sexes feel there is no need to do something extra for my husband/wife.
Wives dont dress up,husbands dont bring surprise gifts no more(i mean not for sallah or sunna).........................

[bakangizo]

This topic has turned from "the travails of marraige in hausa land" to let us bash hausa men and blame them for all the problems. Not all hausa men choose marry uneducated women, prevent there wives from working, or even have the intention of marrying more than one wife(which is allowed if u can be just between them).
........................

You get it. And as zizo said, the over-reliance on romatic notions is a major factor on marriage failures. It is all about illusion, you know.

[naijagal]

:x yes you are right. im not relying on marrying a man just because. i want a man who is open minded. some of our hausa men are very closed minded and because of this, they feel as if they can do what ever they feel to their wives. or some men just want to marry a rich girl hoping in the end the in laws would leave them a piece of family inheritance :evil: . i mean come on guys! you make woman like myself get turned off from  marrying in kano and looking elsewhere. the men need not to look for a woman because of her or her famililes status, rather look for a good hearted woman, a woman who fears god and respects her husband and herself  :lol: . having a woman like this would give you more happiness rather than having a woman whom changed her features just to please you! i mean come on. this has been on my mind for a long time. when the man is lookign for a woman, he will shower her, tell her everything she wants to hear, and then in the end once he gets what he wants he acts as if he is her commander!!!! but i know that there are many good men in kano and i kno insha allah one day i will meet him. yes i can say i am financially stable: i work, and go to school, actuallly i will be starting my graduate degree and im only 23, but im not looking for somone just like me, no! im not looking for a rich man nor a man whom holds high status in society, just somone who is humble, somone who can make me laugh. be there when im sad, and celebrate with me when i achieve. and i know that someday and oneday he will come and i will be happy.

salam
naijagal[/b]

[bakangizo]

Kedai a ci gaba da addua.

[ummita]

???iand i believe the question of too many girls than boys.but still the desire to have more is inevitable.

*signs*..................u kno I hate 2 rant off a topic. Really interestin discussions wit fantastic counter arguments goin on. I did hav a few smiles 4 d ladies.....but (on a more serious tone) I got major issue 2 clear out........I seriously dnt hav issues bout men sayin all sort on women, funny enough I find my opionion same wit some men. But u kno dis really kills......it really, really, really kills meh.................cus everywhere I go....freinds, uncles, cousins, strangers, k-online crew as long as sexism favourism is going on......wat am olwez overhearin wen most men open their mouth is ........."women have a higher rate dan men", "women r just 2 much these days", "females surpass d number of males", plentyful girls r everywhere", more girls than boys"....awwwww y dnt all juss save us d headache & go on head & shove us 9 feet deeper so dat human generation can proceed :roll:

Of course women r half as much than men, ryt on point! Wit a quater of d men up in jail, a tenth of dem r nt straight & anoda quarter r nt worth ur tym & d rest are married 2 illegal substances! Wat u want sum sistahs 2 do?  (she laffs) .......*wlks away*

[ummita]

You & dis your blue headed avatar, brought it back again talking of obssesion...watevah happened to di lady with the Hijab? I liked that avatat better! Anyway its so you. From Holy to Rascal and from Rascal back again to Holy. CHILD YOU ARE  UNPREDICTABLE LOL.  

U r seriosly one crazy dudette (she laffs). Its juss unfortunate dat Hafsy junior'z been named afta u....I tell u dat child is rebellin agaisnt everything...... & I can ur traces of insanity has trespassed from u her aunt unto her. :roll: Iner kinka shigah, kwana diyawa fa!

Oh by d way............Holiness I remain 2 d fullest.....those dat hvnt been touched by d hands of God........... (tongues out!) tough luck! (she laffs)

[Hafsy_Lady]

GIDANKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

LIKE YOU HAVENT SINNED COUNTLESS TIMES, VERY BAD SINS............DONT MAKE ME TELL THE REST OF THE FAMILY HERE :twisted:


TWO DAYS, INA KIKA SHIGA?[/b]

[Hafsy_Lady]

???iand i believe the question of too many girls than boys.but still the desire to have more is inevitable.

Of course women r half as much than men, ryt on point! Wit a quater of d men up in jail, a tenth of dem r nt straight & anoda quarter r nt worth ur tym & d rest are married 2 illegal substances! Wat u want sum sistahs 2 do?  (she laffs) .......*wlks away*

:shock:  Bu ha ha ha ha ha (wayyo Allah cikina) O'gel na so you carry mouth finish them like so? Na winsh do you di day wey you write this. Cant stop laughing lol lol :mrgreen: [/b]