Author Topic: Polite joke  (Read 5483 times)

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Offline Dave_McEwan_Hill

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Polite joke
« on: January 09, 2007, 12:39:56 AM »
There was a man who worked for the post office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day a letter came addressed in shaky handwriting to God with no actual address.  He thought he should open it to see what it was about,
The letter read:-

Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.  Yesterday someone stole my purse.  It had 100.00 it in which was all the money I had until my next pension.  Next Sunday is Christmas and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money I have nothing to buy food with.  I have no family to turn to and you are my only hope.
Can you please help me?
Sincerely
Edna.
 
 The postal worker was touched and showed the letter to all the other workers.  Each one dug into his or her pocket and came up with a few pounds.  By the time he made his rounds he had collected 96.00 which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.
 The rest of the day the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would share with her friends.  Christmas came and went
 A few days later another letter came from the same old lady addressed to God.
All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.
It read:-
 
Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?  Because of your gift of love I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends.  We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
 
By the way there was 4.00 missing.  I think it must have been those bastards working at the Post Office.

maigemu

Offline Abdulaziz Ahmad

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Re: Polite joke
« Reply #1 on: January 10, 2007, 03:36:20 PM »
  A nice joke, those elderly are always like that...share the fun!

Offline Dan-Borno

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Re: Polite joke
« Reply #2 on: January 11, 2007, 10:45:08 AM »
Zato Zunubi - may be the post office staff should send her the remaining balance to clear themselves from future accusation. 
"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

Offline Tukurtukur

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Re: Polite joke
« Reply #3 on: January 11, 2007, 11:34:42 AM »
that serves them right. na di tin wey dem de do for fos ofpis.

Offline HUSNAA

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Re: Polite joke
« Reply #4 on: January 12, 2007, 06:32:47 AM »
Zato Zunubi - may be the post office staff should send her the remaining balance to clear themselves from future accusation. 


Lol they should demand their money back from her rather!!! Ungrateful old wretch!
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Offline Dan-Borno

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Re: Polite joke
« Reply #5 on: January 12, 2007, 09:29:37 AM »
Haba! Husna, she is an old folk, the way she thinks and understands the world is quote different.  Muna tare da tsofi a nan gida Nigeria, mu mun san irin kwabar da suke mana, haka nan de muke hakuri da su.
"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

Offline alkanawi

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Re: Polite joke
« Reply #6 on: January 12, 2007, 06:46:34 PM »
Haba! Husna, she is an old folk, the way she thinks and understands the world is quote different.  Muna tare da tsofi a nan gida Nigeria, mu mun san irin kwabar da suke mana, haka nan de muke hakuri da su.
Malam Dan-Barno kenan, waton yanzu ma dattijan ne suke kwaba ba samari ba? Da sannu da sannu in Allah ya yarda duk za mu tsufa and then.............
"corgito ergo sum"

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Re: Polite joke
« Reply #7 on: January 13, 2007, 08:21:27 PM »
Men....this is so far one of the best jokes the for quite a long tym....hey David...its like u hve really learned from Waziri's (...) u know..with the thread title? Aint no difference...all that matter is the laffs, and this is notwithstanding a good start.
...He begot not, nor is He begotten!
www.articlesdir.co.cc

Offline Dan-Borno

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Re: Polite joke
« Reply #8 on: January 16, 2007, 09:47:21 AM »
Hey guys, let me give a short story, it happened in Kukar-Gadu, somewhere in Potiskum LGA of Yobe State.  You know during those days, people where very truthworthy.  A man was traveling when night befalls him and he decided to spend the night in that village, sai yayi sallama a kofar wani gida, the owner of the house came out, the traveller explained to him that he wanted to spend the night in his house before he continue with his journey early in the morning.  He was received, given a room and food to east.  As early as (Assalatu), the traveller started preparing for his journey when his host saw him counting a lot of money into his bag.

As usual, he thanked his host for hosting him and bid him farewell, and off he continues with his journey.  Haba, before you know it, the host pursued him in another different direction disguising as an armed robber.  Kai, malam, meye a cikin wannan jakan naka retorted the host to the traveller.  The traveller then said "yalla bai, kayan yara da mata ne a ciki, amma gashi ka duba".  The host now bent down checking thoroughly the bag, unknown to him the traveller went round him and give him a heavy kick on his ass.  Before you know it, the host zoomed off shouting.

So, the traveller now turned back to where he was hosted to inform them of what happened: Salamu Alaikum, wallahi ga shi na fita zan yi tafiya sai barayi suka kamani suka yi mini dan karen duka. Narating his ordeal to his host.  His host rose up from where he was sitting and retorted "Karya kake yi, da kafar ka kamar bindiga".
"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

Offline HUSNAA

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Re: Polite joke
« Reply #9 on: January 18, 2007, 12:09:42 PM »


So, the traveller now turned back to where he was hosted to inform them of what happened: Salamu Alaikum, wallahi ga shi na fita zan yi tafiya sai barayi suka kamani suka yi mini dan karen duka. Narating his ordeal to his host.  His host rose up from where he was sitting and retorted "Karya kake yi, da kafar ka kamar bindiga".


Hehehe!!
Ashe a wajen barebari fulani suka koyi wauta!! lol...... ;D
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Offline Dan-Borno

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Re: Polite joke
« Reply #10 on: January 18, 2007, 01:12:02 PM »

Hehehe!!
Ashe a wajen barebari fulani suka koyi wauta!! lol...... ;D
[/quote]

Haba Aunty! i thought you are on my side? because if you continue supporting them (Fullos), they will let you down, ga ilmi amma akwai wauta.

This remind me of my encounter with a Fulani man at a nearby shop, he bought a sweet, as he just started sucking it, it sliped down through his makogoro, before you know it, my servant started to shout that "wallahi ba zan yarda ba, an cuce ni, abu ko dandanonsa ban gama ci ba! mu kam an cucemu walla"

"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

Offline neozizo

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Re: Polite joke
« Reply #11 on: January 18, 2007, 08:55:04 PM »
1.   A recruit was asked by a training instructor, "Give me an example of how to fool the enemy."
The recruit answered, "When you are out of ammunition, don't let the enemy know -- keep on firing!

2.   There was once a small boy who banged a drum all day and loved every moment of it. He would not be quiet, no matter what anyone else said or did. Various people who called themselves Sufis, and other well-wishers, were called in by neighbors and asked to do something about the child.
The first so-called Sufi told the boy that he would, if he continued to make so much noise, perforate his eardrums; this reasoning was too advanced for the child, who was neither a scientist nor a scholar. The second told him that drum beating was a sacred activity and should be carried out only on special occasions. The third offered the neighbors plugs for their ears; the fourth gave the boy a book; the fifth gave the neighbors books that described a method of controlling anger through biofeedback; the sixth gave the boy meditation exercises to make him placid and explained that all reality was imagination. Like all placebos, each of these remedies worked for a short while, but none worked for very long.
Eventually, a real Sufi came along. He looked at the situation, handed the boy a hammer and chisel, and said, "I wonder what is INSIDE the drum?"

3.   One day a Westerner was watching a Chinese gentleman burning bank notes before the tablets of his ancestors. The Westerner said, "How can your ancestors benefit from the smoke of paper money?"
The Chinese bowed courteously and said, "In the same way in which your dear departed relatives appreciate the flowers you put on their graves."

4.   If a pot can multiply: One day Nasrudin lent his cooking pots to a neighbor, who was giving a feast. The neighbor returned them, together with one extra one - a very tiny pot. "What is this?" asked Nasrudin. "According to law, I have given you the offspring of your property which was born when the pots were in my care," said the joker. Shortly afterwards Nasrudin borrowed his neighbor's pots, but did not return them. The man came round to get them back. "Alas!" said Nasrudin, "they are dead. We have established, have we not, that pots are mortal?"

5.   A man who went into a shop and asked the shopkeeper, "Do you have leather?"
           "Yes," said the shopkeeper.
           "Nails?"
            "Yes."
           "Thread?"
           "Yes."
           "Needle?"
           "Yes"
           "Then why don't you make yourself a pair of boots?"


Offline HUSNAA

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Re: Polite joke
« Reply #12 on: January 21, 2007, 06:55:13 PM »
A nasriddeen joke.
One day Nasruddeen took his six donkeys to the market, presumably to sell them. As he left the house he counted them to make sure he had six. Then he went on his way. After a while, he became tired and decided to ride a donkey. So he hopped on one and continued on his way. A little way on, he thought that one of his donkeys was something missing. So he counted them again and was disturbed when he only counted five. He stopped and waited until he saw someone coming his way, then he asked him if he'd seen a stray donkey along the way. He explained to the person that he came out with six donkeys and counted them before he left home, now he could only see five in front of him.
The man looked at him and said that  he could see seven donkeys in front of him. Nasruddeen asked him how that could be. So the man said let me count them for you. So he pointed at each donkey and said
'1,2,3,4,5. The 6th is under you and you are the  7th!'   ;D
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Offline neozizo

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Re: Polite joke
« Reply #13 on: January 26, 2007, 06:23:20 PM »
Nigerian Businessman: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : " I will choose my own bride!"
Businessman:  "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"

Next Businessman approaches Bill Gates.

Businessman : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates:      "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Businessman: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates:         "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Businessman goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Businessman:  "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President:   "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Businessman:   "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

This is how business is done in Nigeria!! ;D ;) ;D

 


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