Has anyone ever notice that northerners are unromantic?
!Ask yourself how many notherners eat together with their wives from the same plate and drink from the same cup?
How many of us take a day off to help our wife(s) with the dishes and the cooking?
How many of us hug our wife(s) and kiss them before leaving home?
How many of us dress elegantly just to impress our wife(s) or husband?
How many of us call our wife or husband from the workplace just to tell him/her you miss him/her?
How many of us take a bath with our wife/husband?
How many of us play before having sex?
How many times have you told your wife/husband you love him?
All these little things are some of the romantic things that keep a strong bond between married couples......Unfortunately the typical northerner( malan Bahaushe in particular) lacks the romantic culture......someone reading this might see it as a taboo.[imagine someone taking a bath with his wife?(allah ya sawwake)]not knowing that the Prohet S.A.W used to take bath with Aisha R.A ...............................or imagine the "maigida" doing the dishes[tabdi jam; unimaginable]
We really need to change.Dont you think so?
zis is bery true, but u know ze froblem with ze hausa feofle is zat zey had zis tough cultural believe zat have mixed with ze religional asfect and somehow gabe rise 2 babarism and archaic peelings.
ze hausa man/woman does not only repuses 2 show love 2 his spouse alone bu t2 his children and relatives 2.
this is a very nice topic which we need to address. I think this problem started rite from our grandfathers' times. Now, it is our duty to put a stop to this not so good attitude of our ppl. i dnt see any wrong in showing love to the people that deserve it, ur wives, children, parents n all. it doesnt make us less of ppl if we do that, rather it clarifies more, our inner feelings, which will make the ppl around us understand us better. even religously, theres a hadith that says the prophet, SAW used to kiss his children, rite? The uztazes in da house, pls give us a lowdown of some refrences.
kai!
Wallahi un-immaginable things ne kuwa.
okay, play b4 sex (yukh) is banned in Islam/FORBIDDEN
an american asked that in an interview with an imam of Saudi, and i happened to be watching the channel at that time,
then, you said Prophet Mohammed (S.A.W) used to take bath with Aisha(R.T.A)??????? innalillahi, anyways, since there's a hadith, that says we shouldnt wrong a hadith till we prove it to, i wouldnt say you are wrong, but i will argue.
you see according to MUWATTA IMAM MALIK, it isnt allowed for a man to see his wives private part and the woman to see her husbands, in-fact the thing(9months b4 birth thing) is to be done in the dark, with a sheet covering atleast upto the waist(ofcourse only on the person on top you dumbo).
then calling to tell how much you miss him/her?
dont they meet everyday?
kiss my wife in-front of the kids? out of the question!
kiss my kids? YEAH, I LOVE KIDS (MICHEAL JACKSON PART II, but i aint a child molester, lol) JUST LOVE THE LIL ANGELS.
DRESS ELEGANTLY? TO IMPRESS ME WIFE? LOL, WHAT DOES MY WIFE WANT ? A LOVING HUSBAND? OR A LOVELY HUSBAND? ALTHOUGH ALHAMDULILLAH, I DRESS WELL, BUT I DONT DO IT TO IMPRESS PEOPLE, I DO IT BECAUSE I FEEL COMFORTABLE, AND PEOPLE WHO DRESS TO IMPRESS ESPECIALLY THE MALE SPECIES, LOL MAN! OKAY I ZIP MY MOUTH.
COOKIN WITH MY WIFE?
WELL REALLY, THATS SOMETHING CONSIDERABLE, BECAUSE I DO BELIEVE THAT WOMEN HAVE EQUAL RIGHTS, AS SUCH SHE SHOULDNT BE THERE IN THE KITCHEN THINKING ITS A DUTY, BUT I WOULD HELP HER SOMETIMES, TO SHOW HER THAT THE FAMILY IS GRATEFUL FOR HER SERVICES.
YOURS
AL-HAMZA
Guess wat da ladies will say when they read that. 'he is so swt' lol ;D
Quotekai!
Wallahi un-immaginable things ne kuwa.
okay, play b4 sex (yukh) is banned in Islam/FORBIDDEN
an american asked that in an interview with an imam of Saudi, and i happened to be watching the channel at that time,
then, you said Prophet Mohammed (S.A.W) used to take bath with Aisha(R.T.A)??????? innalillahi, anyways, since there's a hadith, that says we shouldnt wrong a hadith till we prove it to, i wouldnt say you are wrong, but i will argue.
you see according to MUWATTA IMAM MALIK, it isnt allowed for a man to see his wives private part and the woman to see her husbands, in-fact the thing(9months b4 birth thing) is to be done in the dark, with a sheet covering atleast upto the waist(ofcourse only on the person on top you dumbo).
then calling to tell how much you miss him/her?
dont they meet everyday?
kiss my wife in-front of the kids? out of the question!
kiss my kids? YEAH, I LOVE KIDS (MICHEAL JACKSON PART II, but i aint a child molester, lol) JUST LOVE THE LIL ANGELS.
DRESS ELEGANTLY? TO IMPRESS ME WIFE? LOL, WHAT DOES MY WIFE WANT ? A LOVING HUSBAND? OR A LOVELY HUSBAND? ALTHOUGH ALHAMDULILLAH, I DRESS WELL, BUT I DONT DO IT TO IMPRESS PEOPLE, I DO IT BECAUSE I FEEL COMFORTABLE, AND PEOPLE WHO DRESS TO IMPRESS ESPECIALLY THE MALE SPECIES, LOL MAN! OKAY I ZIP MY MOUTH.
COOKIN WITH MY WIFE?
WELL REALLY, THATS SOMETHING CONSIDERABLE, BECAUSE I DO BELIEVE THAT WOMEN HAVE EQUAL RIGHTS, AS SUCH SHE SHOULDNT BE THERE IN THE KITCHEN THINKING ITS A DUTY, BUT I WOULD HELP HER SOMETIMES, TO SHOW HER THAT THE FAMILY IS GRATEFUL FOR HER SERVICES.
YOURS
AL-HAMZA
Classic al hamza ;D ;D ;D
Kai Al-Hamza Yuor post is TOO SUPER CLASSIC!
I agree with ur post 100%. I was actually impressed.
Goga: What kind of romanticity r we looking for? give us a break pls.
Teaching or spreading sex education does nothing to our society but increasing number of people commiting adultry.
Goga do u want husbands to leave their working place just to wash plates? by the way did the wives use to complain that they can't wash the plates, and if they can't then what else will they do at their matrimonial homes? ?Is it only to eat and sleep?
Husbands are really trying. One can't be busy trying to catter things for his family outside and at the same time just to please his wife, leave the place and begin cooking.
Pls make a questionare so that U can draw samples of those who comply with your criteria or not
IS THAT AL-HAMZA FOR REAL :o
(HAFSY FALLS OFF HER CHAIR AND FAINTS AGAIN) :-/
May God Help you Hafsy---lol :D
I Guess he is your fiancee ;D
To kai Al-Hamza you are scaring her off---lol
Quotekai!
Wallahi un-immaginable things ne kuwa.
okay, play b4 sex (yukh) is banned in Islam/FORBIDDEN
an american asked that in an interview with an imam of Saudi, and i happened to be watching the channel at that time,
then, you said Prophet Mohammed (S.A.W) used to take bath with Aisha(R.T.A)??????? innalillahi, anyways, since there's a hadith, that says we shouldnt wrong a hadith till we prove it to, i wouldnt say you are wrong, but i will argue.
you see according to MUWATTA IMAM MALIK, it isnt allowed for a man to see his wives private part and the woman to see her husbands, in-fact the thing(9months b4 birth thing) is to be done in the dark, with a sheet covering atleast upto the waist(ofcourse only on the person on top you dumbo).
then calling to tell how much you miss him/her?
dont they meet everyday?
kiss my wife in-front of the kids? out of the question!
kiss my kids? YEAH, I LOVE KIDS (MICHEAL JACKSON PART II, but i aint a child molester, lol) JUST LOVE THE LIL ANGELS.
DRESS ELEGANTLY? TO IMPRESS ME WIFE? LOL, WHAT DOES MY WIFE WANT ? A LOVING HUSBAND? OR A LOVELY HUSBAND? ALTHOUGH ALHAMDULILLAH, I DRESS WELL, BUT I DONT DO IT TO IMPRESS PEOPLE, I DO IT BECAUSE I FEEL COMFORTABLE, AND PEOPLE WHO DRESS TO IMPRESS ESPECIALLY THE MALE SPECIES, LOL MAN! OKAY I ZIP MY MOUTH.
COOKIN WITH MY WIFE?
WELL REALLY, THATS SOMETHING CONSIDERABLE, BECAUSE I DO BELIEVE THAT WOMEN HAVE EQUAL RIGHTS, AS SUCH SHE SHOULDNT BE THERE IN THE KITCHEN THINKING ITS A DUTY, BUT I WOULD HELP HER SOMETIMES, TO SHOW HER THAT THE FAMILY IS GRATEFUL FOR HER SERVICES.
YOURS
AL-HAMZA
HUH Al-Hamza ,the prophet indeed takes bath with his wives (not only Aisha) and they used to draw water from the same vessel.Infact their hands used to go in the pot after each other in turn (so how could they take a bath together without them seeing each others private parts?).......please check the Chapter on bathing(Ghusl) in any of the six most popular hadith books....
Quote
kai!
Wallahi un-immaginable things ne kuwa.
okay, play b4 sex (yukh) is banned in Islam/FORBIDDEN
an american asked that in an interview with an imam of Saudi, and i happened to be watching the channel at that time
Hey, wait a minute Al-Hamza, when i said play i meant foreplay b4 sex (not "play" as in football or bball).......now how could foreplay b4 sex be banned/forbidden/HARAM in Islam? ??? i wonder who the imam might be?I would love to know his basis for banning foreplay...........
So basically what this means is that when u want to do the " 9 months b4 birth thing" all u do is approach the wife and say:"lets do it" ,then u enter the room,pull the drapes,turn off the lights off,pull the sheets up to the waist(i even wonder which one comes first,turning the lights off or pulling the sheets?) and then hush-hush it's over.........man that sucks!its supposed to be the sweetest thing remember?Ah :o
remember."they are unto u like your farms so dwell .............so long as u dont approach them from the back
Kai kuma hausanicious,dama ai the post was intended to show us that mu hausawa r the least romantic feofle...
QuoteGoga do u want husbands to leave their working place just to wash plates? by the way did the wives use to complain that they can't wash the plates, and if they can't then what else will they do at their matrimonial homes? Is it only to eat and sleep?
what wud it matter if u just for once (be it weekends) help her out wid the dishes?(sai ta yi complain za ka taya ta?)........Amma ai ka san ka je wajen mai shayi ko balangu ranar asabar ko lahadi ka yini a can ana hira
And who told u that women in their matrimonial homes are meant to cook and do the dishes? Hmn! make una know say the obligation to feed dey on top the husband....if the woman like she fit siddon 4 house and do nothing sai ta ga dama........
make i stop hiya b4 dem ppl like IBB begin to say i dey fight for women rights :-X :-X :-X
Quote
Goga do u want husbands to leave their working place just to wash plates? by the way did the wives use to complain that they can't wash the plates, and if they can't then what else will they do at their matrimonial homes? ?Is it only to eat and sleep?
Husbands are really trying. One can't be busy trying to catter things for his family outside and at the same time just to please his wife, leave the place and begin cooking.
Pls make a questionare so that U can draw samples of those who comply with your criteria or not
baba i think u wont last long as soon as most of our ladies start knowing their rights as muslims...not only knowing but deciding to start implementing some of them...
did u knw that ur wife has the right to have u pay her b4 she breast feeds ur child? or did u knw that ur wife has the rite nt to cook in the house or enter the kitchen at all! so many other rights that they have, which r islamically their rights....so watch out, let me not go on n dem ladies (ummi, 1/2sy, fulanicious, babygal, who is gettin married soon, n all the rest) hear dem all n use them against us... :-X :-X :-X
gogannaka I do agree with u on the foreplay issue cause i read a book on islamic sex and it did say u should play with ur wife b4 and after u have sex. But on the issue of having a bath with ur wife I am not sure how u r ment 2 do it cause in the book it did say that both parties r not suppose 2 see each others gentiles, so I guess there only way that I see that is feasible 2 have a bath with ur wife would be 2 have it in the dark.
Al_hamza on the issue of dressing elegantly 4 ur wife I do believe that u do need 2 impress ur wife now and again. And another issue is y is it wrong 2 kiss ur wife in front of ur kids, u know there is the islamic way and the white mans way of doing it if u r talking of doing it the white mans way the sure the kids should not c it but if its the islamic way y not it shows them that mummy and daddy r happy and I am sure there would be as well. I do have 2 say I am impressed with ur view on showing love 2 ur kids cause not many men of 2day do that.
Quote
did u knw that ur wife has the right to have u pay her b4 she breast feeds ur child? or did u knw that ur wife has the rite nt to cook in the house or enter the kitchen at all! so many other rights that they have, which r islamically their rights....so watch out
MmmmmmmmmmmHhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!
Well I will not say anything till when U get married.
Amma kasani sam-sam mata ba'a burge su. Bazaka iya yi masu gwanin ta ba.
Goga u have a good topic there,though it may sound odd,but the truth is that lack of those things contributed immensely to d high rate of divorce in our society,women are like roses they need care and concern even if its by mere expression,commend a woman's work and see wonder the next day,cos she will double her efforts,a happy home also makes a great impact on the society.Women have their right but b'cos men wants to dominate the scene they wouldn't even let the woman know what is her right,I have alot but will wait for other ladies response b4 i proceed,i know they are shy,but have to overcome it.
okay,
jokes apart, gogonaka, i guess its time you do some serious research work, we all muslims agree that ignoring the rights of women is insanity, but saying the Prophet (S.A.W) used to take bath with his wife, erhmm, pls i guess even you know that such controversial things are forbiden for discussions Islam.
Appologise pls
and i am not kidding.
if you still think you are right, pls contact an imam immediately and clarify matters.
yes playing is allowed in Islam, infact its said that its wise to perform such acts before intercouse "BUT NOT THE GENITALS"
for example a man can touch his wife's upper parts "ABOVE THE NAVAL CAVITY(i hope thats cibiya)"
YOU DO KNOW AS I HOPE THAT EVERY IMAM THAT WROTE HADITHS HAS SAID THAT HE ISNT 100% SURE OF HIS WRITINGS AND AS SUCH, WE ARE MEANT TO PICK THINGS THAT WE THINK IS RIGHT AND THROW OUT WHAT WE THING IS WRONG. MANY SOUND MUSLIMS WILL AGREE THE BATHING ISSUE IS 101% CONTROVERSIAL.
I DO HOPE FOR THE SAKE OF ISLAM, FROM NEXT TIME, YOU'LL PLEASE BE MORE CAREFULL IN YOUR POSTS
YOURS
ALI HAMZA
LIONGER...... AM SURE YOU ARE VERY HAPPY WITH THIS POST.
WHATELSE WOULD MAKE A MAN WITH A PEA-BRAIN LIKE YOUR'S HAPPIER?
yes its true that a wife may not cook and there's no punishment for that.
yes a wife may refuse to clean and there's no punishment from Allah (S.W.T).
yes a wife may not do any household job and go scot-free
yes a wife may refuse to be kind with her husbands parents just because they are her husbands parents(thats without insulting which she'll be pusnished for on judgement day).
ladies getting happy? gentlemen getting worried?
no need!
because its also the right of the husband to in retaliation, forbid his wife from leaving the premesis(his house) or allowing her to visit her parents and relatives, slashing her pocket money......
if there's one thing a husband CANNOT DO is punish his wife with capital punishment (beating) in fact the Hadith goes like this
"YOU CAN ONLY HIT YOUR WIFE WITH THE CLOTH OF YOUR SHIRT THAT HANGS FROM YOUR WRIST"
how hard will you hit with that?
kai u sef..what did u even see in my two words that was confrontational :P? But once again, this another classic post from you ;D ;D .
Quote
if there's one thing a husband CANNOT DO is punish his wife with capital punishment (beating) ?in fact the Hadith goes like this
"YOU CAN ONLY HIT YOUR WIFE WITH THE CLOTH OF YOUR SHIRT THAT HANGS FROM YOUR WRIST"
how hard will you hit with that?
So r u questionin d words from d hadith? When ansa is already above d question u already asked?!!!! mhmmm. WAKE UP!
So u rather hit her hard? This is more lyk ur typical self.
Hafsy u so funni, Kilishi welkom bck.
Dis topic has already been hyperboiled will respond later!
I have done some research and I could not find any Hadith with stated that the Prophet (S.A.W) use to take baths with is wife. I did come across this hadith but from my interpretation it says they slept together and then had separate bath (if I am mistaken may Allah forgive me).
Sahih Muslim Number 160
Narrated Aisha
A person asked the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon
him) about one who has sexual intercourse with
his wife and parts away (without orgasm) whether
bathing is obligatory for him. Aisha was sitting by him.
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: I and
she (the Mother of the Faithful) do it and then take a
bath.
Venom please check out these hadiths from Sahih Bukhari:
1:250 Narrated aisha:"the prophet and i used to take bath from a single pot called faraq."
1:253 Narrated Ibn Abbas:"the prophet and maimuna used to take bath from a single pot"
Here's another one.
hadith 1:319........Narrated Zainab bint abi salama:"Um-Salama said, "I got my menses while I was lying with
the Prophet under a woolen sheet. So I slipped away,
took the clothes for menses and put them on. Allah's
Apostle said, 'Have you got your menses?' I replied,
'Yes.' Then he called me and took me with him under the
woolen sheet." Um Salama further said, "The Prophet
used to kiss me while he was fasting. The Prophet and I
used to take the bath of Janaba from a single pot."
I think the one that will clear all doubts is the one below:
Hadith 1:261.......Narrated Aisha....."The Prophet and I used to take a bath from a single pot of water and our hands used to go in the pot after
each other in turn.
I hope these hadiths have cleared the controversies surrounding the prophets bathing with his wives.The hadith you quoted from muslim does not vividly show that the prophet does take a bath with his wives..but i would recommend you read hadith 147 in muslim...........
Now back to Al-Hamzah.......I need not apologise for anything i have said.......i see nothing controversial about the subject matter..anyone who has read the hadiths will have no doubt about the fact that the prophet takes bath with his wives.....and what is wrong with taking a bath with someone that is supposed to be your lifetime companion?is it because you are shy?ko kuma ba ka so ta raina ka ne?......well if it is shyness then i think you should be more ashamed of what you do in the night(the baby making thing) than being ashamed of bathing together.......
QuoteYOU DO KNOW AS I HOPE THAT EVERY IMAM THAT WROTE HADITHS HAS SAID THAT HE ISNT 100% SURE OF HIS WRITINGS AND AS SUCH, WE ARE MEANT TO PICK THINGS THAT WE THINK IS RIGHT AND THROW OUT WHAT WE THING IS WRONG. MANY SOUND MUSLIMS WILL AGREE THE BATHING ISSUE IS 101% CONTROVERSIAL.
Ah Al-Hamzah i am surprised to see such a thing from you.........then whats the use of the Qur'an and hadiths if we are supposed to "pick what we THINK is right and THROW out what we THINK is wrong".......Man you need to think again.....islam is not about what you think is wrong or what you think is right...........and besides who said that the imams ever said they are not sure of what they wrote?why r certain hadiths termed Sahihs?................
seems like u r the one that needs to do more research........
I did look them up and they r vaild, well done gogannaka 4 enlightening us.
Talking about dressing up to impress your wife or hubby,here's an incidence that happened btw a man and his wife............
I heard the story from an imam when he was preaching on the same subject matter.........
Here goes.........wai the woman annoyed the husband to the extent that he promised himself that yana dawo wa gida he will give her the quit notice( zai sake ta saki uku)......the woman knowing that she has wronged the husband imediately took a bath and put on a her beautiful nightgown she has never worn............Bawan Allan naka da ya dawo,he was all frowning but when he saw her he was like ?:o :o :o........dont ask what happened later :-X
At the middle of the "something" he told her to please remind him to buy her a new nightgown tomorrow idan Allah ya kai su.....
Bai sake yin maganar sakin ba.............
What an innerest`n post Gogannaka. The Average Hausa person believes much more in "Hakuri" in marriage rather than making it work with "romance", another thing is that the men misunderstood their superiority over women, and the wives have a problem with "maturity" in marriage. They seem to want old age, fast. The Hausa mans problem are just as simple as they are complex. But in understanding customs and traditions must not necessarily live in the presence of Islam and the help of Education, these things are gradually changing, though slowly.
If we go with the mallam Bahaushe and his "ki yi hakuri", Honestly, our peeps are simply living on loyalty, not love or romance...definately not happiness. I wouldnt want such a life... Thanks again Gogannaka.
waaaaaiiiiiiiiitUnbelieveable. I neva thought I'd come to disagree, almost completely with Al-hamzah. Well now I am. Venom u too? dymn. Anywayz, My friend here Goggs has said whats on my mind, besides we had better be careful with our "mallams" Most run away from somethings in fear of the ummah fallen into evil by mistake, and in the process of thier silence, the ummah falls into a greater evil. Most Imams might take foreplay today to be "or at least has become" western, and u know they are quick and famous to condemn western ideas before annalyzing. Its a shame how we misplace ourselves by ourselves.
? ?I was told its an evident and islamic fact that a child begotten without foreplay will be dumb, as in a fool. Some words might sound explicit, so I'd restrict myself. Furthermore, there are two/three things, only things forbidden to the zikr is Zina( adultery), Liwadu (homosexuality)/ masturbation.
? ? ? ? ? I'd rather not say much, peace out .
You forgot to include purchasing of gifts & flowers.I just think it will take atleast 300 years b4 this happens ,so if you want to witness this,u might as well sign a contract with the nearest cryogenics center......good luck
Assalamu alaikum,
Goga, thanks for starting such a topic. A Bachelor has really re-awaken the married among us.
Goga, yaushe ne naka auren? Idan-laila-ta-kiya-a-koma-basha-mana. Idan abin yaci tura a Kanon..............to ka zo Funtua mana........... Mallam hamza ko kana da shawara?
I have learnt alot from the discourse, thanks to all our Ulama.
I wolud not like to ague on the authencity or otherwise of the Hadith qouted but would advise us not loose the fact the Holy Prophet (SAW) was an excellent loving Husband/Father. Therefore let us all try and emulate the Holy Prophet (SAW).
Every individual should first understand what his/her spouse(s) appreciate most and then try and please them, within the boundaries of the Shariah.
EMTL
QuoteYou forgot to include purchasing of gifts & flowers.I just think it will take atleast 300 years b4 this happens ,so if you want to witness this,u might as well sign a contract with the nearest cryogenics center......good luck
Haba man, dont be a pessimist.....300 yrs is a long time fa....
Let me start by thanking Gogannaka for dis important topic. It is quite unobjectional that Hausa ppl lack romantic culture. Meanwhile, we gonna refer Alhamza and his allies 4 romantic counselling....coz, we want ur partners to enjoy the best in urselves.....
-------------------
Tips to a Better Marriage
By Sr. Muntaqima Abdur-Rashid
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among
yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has
put love and mercy between your (hearts). Verily in that are Signs for
those who reflect" (30: 21).
I have listed some rules that may benefit those seeking an Islamic
marriage, as well as, those who are already married. I do not pretend
to be an expert of any kind. I have learned what I know through
marrying at the early age of 18, just 9 months after em bracing
Islam. I muddled my way through much of my 14 years of marriage, and
consider myself a graduate from the 'school of hard knocks'. The rules
are:
1. Be conscious of your physical appearance. No one was more conscious
of this than the Prophet. His Sulmah reflects keen attention to
personal hygiene and good grooming. He kept himself strong and
muscular. Most likely the first aspect of you that attracted your mate
was your appearance, so don't think that simply because you are
married the task is over. You can't hide a weight problem under
Thawbs' (dress) and long Khimars' (veils). Your mate knows. Be aware
that you live in a society that places a high premium on physical
appearance. It flaunts the shapely female and her muscular
counterpart. Temptations that beckon non-Muslims beckon Muslims as
well. Don 't allow your mate to get side-tracked by the likes of a
'Raquel Welch or an Arnold Schwarzenegger'. Jog, join a gym, roller
skate, swim and stay in shape. Insha' Allah, you will be more vibrant,
more radiant, and more attractive to your mate.
2. Be aware of your role, but do not fall into role- playing. Muslim
spouses sometimes experience difficulties because they are trying to
do things 'by the book' without giving due consideration to the
conditions prevailing in their country. For example, most female
converts are taught that the role of the Muslim woman is to be at home
raising her children. Supposedly, it is the man who works outside the
home to maintain the family. She may have read about Birth Control and
assumed that it has no place for the Muslimah; yet, it is worth noting
that the Prophet himself allowed coitus interruptus. If ideal Islamic
conditions prevailed, there would be no reason for a sister to worry
about her financial situation interfering with her right to bear
children. However, without an Islamic society, needy Muslim families
may have to resort to welfare and food stamps rather than Zakaah and
Sadaqah. This creates a feeling of dependence and humiliation that can
place extreme stress on a marriage. In this ease, it may be helpful
for the Muslim couple to delay having children, for the wife to work
while the children are young and until the couple 's financial
situation improves. Islam gives you this flexibility. Don't be afraid
or ashamed to use it.
3. Be a companion to your mate. Try to show enthusiasm for your spouse
's interests and hobbies. It is well-known that the Prophet would run
races with 'Ayesha. By all means try to involve your mate in your
interests.
4. Be active in Islamic community life. This will strengthen your
commitment to Islam while providing you wish a wholesome social
outlet. Encourage your spouse to engage in activities that promote
Islam. Have dinners at your home for Muslims as well as non-Muslims,
and don't neglect your relatives. These activities will indirectly
enhance the quality of your marriage through widening your circle of
activity and con~ac~s.
5. Admit your mistakes and have a forgiving, generous attitude when
your mate errs. This country is a difficult place to live in. Most
Muslims fall short of the Islamic ideal. Contradictions abound. Be
quick to admit your shortcomings and work to amend them. Be
understanding when your mate does not live up to the Islamic ideal and
gently try to motivate him or her in the right direction.
6. Have a sense of humour. Be able to chuckle at life's minor
aggravations.
7. Be modest when around members of the opposite sex. Do not try to
test your spouse's affection by feigning interest in another. This
will only cause dissension and bad feelings.
8. Share household duties. Brothers, take note. This is especially
important these days when women work outside the home. The Prophet
always helped his wives around the house and even mended his own
clothes. Who knows? You might find you actually like preparing the
evening meal or taking care of junior so your wife can have the
afternoon off. The Messenger of Allah said, "The most perfect of the
believers in faith is the best of them in moral excellence, and the
best of you are the kindest of you to their wives" (at-Tirmidhi).
9. Surprise each other with gifts. Treat her to an evening out alone,
away from the children. There are no words to describe the lift this
can give to a marriage.
10. Communicate your feelings to one another, good and bad. Tell him
how handsome he looks. Where there is disagreement, have an open
discussion. Don ' t collect red stamps. Nip it in the bud .
11. Live within your means. Stay away from credit cards if you can.
Sisters, take note. Don't envy the possessions of your friends, and
belittle your husband because he can't provide them for you. Muslim
couples will do well to stay away from ostentatious living. The
Prophet did not live this way, neither should you.
12. Respect your mate's need for privacy. A quiet time to oneself,
either at home or away from home, each day can make a disagreeable
person agreeable.
13. Don 't share personal problems with others. There are a few
exceptions to this rule, but if you must discuss personal problems,
make sure it is with a person in whom you have the utmost confidence.
If you have a learned Muslim brother or sister in your community, seek
him or her out first.
14. Be sensitive to your mate's moods. If you want to share a personal
achievement, don't do it when your spouse is 'down in the dumps ' .
Wait for the proper time.
You may be saying to yourself, "This is
easier said than done." Well, you're right. A successful marriage
doesn't just happen. It's not simply a matter of luck or finding the
right person. It takes hard work and determination. It means being
selfless and making mistakes. It means having vengeance on your mind
but forgiveness in your heart. But, then, its perfection is "half of
faith".
-=-=-=-
Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the
comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead
righteous. Qur'an 25:74
"The whole world is an asset and the best asset is a good
wife" (Muslim)
No no no. To me "romance" not even from religious point of view, it is part of "our" social life(I mean we humans).
Romance was defined in so many ways, like:
- "a relationship between two lovers "
- "a story dealing with love "
- "a love affair "
- "Your Love Signs "
- "Something belonging to FICTION...more than to everyday life."
The question "are we romantic?" need to be answered in this forum, and this is my little contribution.
To start with, who is/are this question thrown to? certainly the northerners, ko? Toh, are we?? sincerely speaking a real northerner is not. Because all the questions asked by Gogannaka (inconsiderate of where the questions originates) were not answered. And why? Because we are not romantic.
Here is a question during courtship what are we after? just to have the partner like a personal possession? Or is the partner a sex machine? Because one wont allow him/herself (during courtship) to be seen other than good. If this is the case, are we deceving ourselves or what?
In the north, partners dont show affection, concern, care,love, and the likes to themselves, ( especially years after marriage), talkless of their children.
To me what is wrong kissing, hugging, bathing, playing with your partner? if that is the case why are you partners? why do you invite the world to your wedding? just for the fun of it?
is there anything wrong if one dresses just to impress his partner? isn't it love?
what is wrong in partners helping themselves in either kitchen or any other part of their home?
In fact the first question that "we" need to answer, others include WHY I NEED A WIFE? before one gets married.
Gaskiya we need to study more on this topic if we want to live a happy, productive,... life.
peace, and bye.
that was me. :lol:
If the consensus is northerners are not romantic then aprta from the societal and religious influences mentioned earlier what other factors are to blame. Could it be the men? or the women?( I notice they've said little on this subject)
Come to think of it maybe romance like beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Is the western concept of "romance" being used as a yardstick?
Were there complaints of this lack of romance from earlier generations of northerners.
Personally I dont have a problem with a couple sharing the cooking and having an unhibited love life. But unnecessary public display of affection like kissing like lunatics or fondling on the train are really not my idea of being romantic.
I have heard the theory that this kind of wanton public display is a result of a need for constant reassurance arising from an instinctive feeling of emotional insecurity.
goga am rite behind ya afterall am a man,i know how it feels like 2 luv and at da same tyme 2 be luved.peeps like hausanicious and al_hamza r all hypocrites coz deep down in their mind dats wat they've been prayin 4 but aint real enuff 2 admit it,if u luk closer peeps like them r thoze dat comit da so called adultery.
Quote from: "kitkat"
Come to think of it maybe romance like beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Is the western concept of "romance" being used as a yardstick?
Were there complaints of this lack of romance from earlier generations of northerners.
Why not apply it to your own defination, afterall its your life.
Quote from: "kitkat"But unnecessary public display of affection like kissing like lunatics or fondling on the train are really not my idea of being romantic.
the question here is isit wise, morally,religiously and so on allowed kissing like lunatics or fondling on the train (or in a public)?
come to think of it!
ize]ggogan,ni dai ban san ko mata sun yi replying to this topic ba,amma dai na so na jifeed back din su
ni dai ina da yara amma duk da baban nasu yana kokari,sau dayawa ni nakan ga baya yin yadda nake so.yakan ce wai M&b din da na karanta a makaranta fa duk karya ne.shi yana kokari amma na san mata dayawa da suke da wannan problem din.ina ma mazajen su zasu karanta wannan shafin.
by d way na yarda da everything amma dai kafin ka ga maza suna girki da matansu......hmm.A dade.
also,i suggest mutane su dinka dan copying wasu daga cikin romantic gestures na turawa.the good ones and only with the wife or husband please,ba ruwana.....
Mata let us hear your view(s) on this topic, even though mutuniyar asked for it?
it seems to me that our culture is completely against such concepts as romance... we condemn it as 'dabi'ar turawa'... but i am sure that even islamically there is nothing wrong with being romantic- in fact it is a sort of duty u owe ur spouse no??? u must learn to keep each other happy by show of affection and not with material things! so why do we pretend that little displays of affection like holding hands or embracing are culturally wrong? i think northerners, both men and women should try and be more romantic towards their spouses(whether it is white man's romance or black man's romance) ....who wants to have a dull relationship???!!!!
Quote from: "straightalkin"...u must learn to keep each other happy by show of affection and not with material things! ...quote]
kitkat here is another answer :idea:
Quote from: "sa salati"goga am rite behind ya afterall am a man,i know how it feels like 2 luv and at da same tyme 2 be luved.peeps like hausanicious and al_hamza r all hypocrites coz deep down in their mind dats wat they've been prayin 4 but aint real enuff 2 admit it,if u luk closer peeps like them r thoze dat comit da so called adultery.
AS-SALAMUALAIKUM.
DON ALLAH INA SON A DAN BANI FILI DOMIN NAYI WATA YAR JAWABI MUSANMAN ZUWA GA MALAM SA SALATI. SA SALATI A GASKIYA ZANYI MAKA YAR JAWABINAN AKAN DAYA DAGA CIKIN HALINKA DOMIN BANSAN SAURAN HALINKA BA. INA FATAN ZAKA DAUKA KUMA KAYI AIKI DA ITA BA TARE DA BACIN RAI BA. NI DAI NAKAN DAN GARZAYO FARUM DINAN SA'I-SA'I. AMMA NASAN BAN RIGA NAYI RAGISTA BA. AMMAN INA MAI TABBATAR MAKA DA CEWA NA DAN KWANA BIYU A FORUMDINNAN KUMA KA KAN KARANTA POST DIN JAMA'AN FORUM DINNAN SOSAI IDAN NA KAMMALA WASU YAN HARKOKINA. SAI NA LURA DA WASU POST DA KAYI DA DAMA WANDA BADADI. AMMAN NAGA RUFIN BAKINA YAFI ALHERI DA KARE MUTUNCINA, DOMIN BA ZANJI DADI ACE MATASHI KAMARKA YAYI MIN RASHIN MUTUNCI. AMMAN A GASKIYA DANA KARANTA WANNA POST DIN TAKA DAYI QUOTING, SAI NAGA DOLE NAYI MAGANA AKAI. YADDA KAKE AL'AMARINKA A FORUM DINNAN SAM SAM BAI KAMATA BA. ZAN IYA MAKA MISALAI BA DAYA AKAN YADDA KAKE MAGANA KANA. IDAN BAKA SANIBA YOUR BEHAVIOUR COULD HAVE A BAD INFLUENCE ON OTHERS. DAYAWANMU IYAYENE, WASUNMU MANYA NE, WASU YARA NE KAMARKA, WASU MA MATSANE KAMARKA. YA KAMATA KA DINGA TAUNA LAFAZANKA DAZAKA DINGA FURTAWA A BAININ JAMA'A. TURAWA KANCE "A GOOD PERSON SHOULD BE HUMLE" BUGU DA KARI SUKACE "THE WAY YOU CARRY YOURSELF SHOULD PRESENT YOUR GOOD IMAGE IN THE EYES OF THE PUBLIC" FORUM DINNAN IS A PUBLIC PLACE BAI KAMATA KANA GAYA MA MUTANE BAKAR MAGANA KO ZAGINSU BA. DON DAYAWA SUN GIRMEKA. YA KAMATA KASAN IRIN LAFAZAN DA ZAKA DINGA YI. ITA WANNAN MISALI KO KUMA NACE KAZAFI DA KAYI WA AL-HAMZA DA HAUSANICIOUS BAI DACE BA KO KADAN BA. IRIN WANNAN LAFAZAN DA KAYIMUSU A MATSAYINKA NA DAN MUSULMI BE KAMATA BA. WANI IRIN IMAGE KAKE SON KAYI POTRAYING A BISA MAKIYANMU? DUBU ZASU SHIGO WANNAN FILIN KUMA SAI AGA KANA CEWA KAMA MA MUTANE KAZAFI! NIDAI TUNDANAKE ZUWA FORUM DINNAN BAN TABA GANIN KO JIN YAN FORUM DINNAN SUN ZAGI JUNANSU BA KO KADAN SAIDAI IDAN SUNA WASA DA JUNANSU WATO IDAN SUNA JOKES. WANNAN KUMA ABUN SHA'AWA NE ABUN KUMA DARIYA. BUGU DA KARI ITA WANNA JOKES DIN DA SUKE MA JUNANSU YA GINA MUSU WANI TUBALI. BE KAMATA ACE KAZO KA RUSHE MUSU TUBALIN MUTUNCI DA MU'AMULA MAI KYAU BA. KO DAYAKE A CIKIN WATA POST DINKA KA AMBATA CEWA "YOU ARE ON FIRE" TO, YA KAMATA KASAN CEWA ZAMAN LAFIYA AKEYI ANAN KUMA ITA ZAMAN LAFIYA GINSHIKI NE NA ZAMAN DUNIYA. BA'ACE KADA YAYI POST BA A'A, AMMAN IDAN KANA DA HUJJA KO BAYANIN DA ZAKAYI A POST SAI KAYI SHI BATARE DA ZAGI, KO RASHIN MUTUNCI KO YIWA MUTANE KAZAFI BA. DON ALLAH KAYI HATTARA KA KUMA KOYI TAUNA LAFAZANKA. BAN SANIBA KO TASHIN MATASANCIN NE KE DAMUNKA ALLAHU WA'ALAM. AMMAN INA GANIN KANA DA HANKALIN DAZA KAYI TUNANI KA KOYI MU'AMALA IRIN NA MUTUNCI DA MUTANE. INA MAI JAWO HANKALIN MASU IRIN WANNAN NEGATIVE ATTITUDE DA SUYI HATTARA SU KOYI ZAMA DA MUTANE LAFIYA SHINE DAYA DAGA CIKIN FOUNDATION DIN GININ ZAMAN LAFIYA GA MUSULMAI DA KUMA WANDA MA BA MUSULMI BANE. DUK MUMININ WANDA YAKE KOYI DA ADDININ MUSULUCI YA KAMATA YAYI GYARA A DUK INDA AKAYI KUSKURE. A KARSHE INA ME NEMAN AFUWA IDAN RAN SA SALATI YA BACE A KAN BAYININA. SANNAN MA IDAN AKWAI WANI WANDA RANSHI KO RANTA YA BACI TO A GAFARCENI.
HAZA WASSALAM.
Taf! hausanka is stonggggggg. But from what I could reasonably digest I believe you are passing a message to sa salati . Allah ya sa ya dauka. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee MALAMI register yourself here, is people like you that should be rampant in visiting the forum...........As for your advice is good mun gode mutanen yanzu sai hakuri, but biko next time sofri sofri with the hausa because it is tooooooooo assorted. hehehehehe where is the boy sef? Come receive message (hafsy walks away shaking her head).
Quote from: "Shiekh"Quote from: "straightalkin"...u must learn to keep each other happy by show of affection and not with material things! ...quote]
kitkat here is another answer :idea:
I never had a problem with show of affection, probabaly cos I dont have anything else to give anyway. But in truth how many girls (especially in kano) will prefer a cuddle to a bottle of perfume?
CAN I HAVE THE PERFUME PLEASE! :roll: ONLY IF ITS ARMANI OR D & G. FOR THE CUDDLE..........ABEG WHICH KINE CUDDLE, HOW MANY HAUSA MEN SABI THAT ONE LOL WAYYO ALLAH CIKINA. TYPICAL EXAMPLE, MY COUSIN GOT MARRIED TO SOME DECENT HAUSA MAN, DURING WEDDING REHASALS WE INSTRUCTED HIM TO HOLD HER HAND AT ALL TIMES, THE GUY WAS BLUSHING!!!!!! HIS OWN WIFE, COMMON HOLD HAND HE CUDNT, TALKLESS OF CUDDLE. APART FROM THAT IF A TYPICAL HAUSA WOULD SEE THIS, THEY WOULD START COMPLAINING, ANA KOYA MUSU RASHIN KUNYA..........THE LAST TIME MY GRANPA HUGGED MY GRANMA, HE ALMOST BROKE HER RIBS :lol: OK JOKES APART, AFRIKANOS NO SABI SHOW LOVE AND AFFECTION. HOW MANY HAUSA MEN APART FROM MY BROTHERS, HARDLY YOU COME ACROSS MEN GIVING BROTHERLY HUGS TO EACH OTHER. CHECK OUT SAUDI MEN....THEY GIVE PECKS AND BROTHERLY HUGS PLUS SALLAMUALAIKUM, BUT PROPER TYPICAL HAUSA PERSON FINDS IT "SISSY" OR THE FEEL TOO BIG TO HUG, TALKLESS OF CUDDLE HIS "MUHARRAM" INFACT SOME SAID A BLACK MAN IS BORN TO BE COURAGEOUS AND SHAUL NEVER SHED TEARS. THATS WHY YOU SEE SOME MEN WILL UPSET THEIR WIVES, THEY CANT PAMPER HER THEY WILL ONLY SAY IDAN ZAKI HAKURA KI HAKURA" WHAT PAINS ME THE MOST, IS WHEN HAUSA MEN UPSET THEIR WIVES THEY WILL COMPENSATE HER WITH STICK MEAT "SUYA" AN MAIDA DA ITA KURA! SOME HAUSA MEN SHOW NO SIGN OF PITY OR HOW THEY FEEL REALLY BAD FOR UPSETTING U. THEY WILL BE LOOKING AT YOU WITH THEIR KORO KORO EYES. AND YOU WILL BE THINKING GOSH HIS EYES DONT EVEN SPELL OUT SORRY :roll: . TYPICAL HAUSA MAN DOESNT KNOW THINGS LIKE CARDS AND FRESH FLOWERS, HELPING TO COOK IN KITCHEN WHICH SOME WOMEN FIND CUTE IN MEN! WHAT THE YOUNG HAUSA BOYS KNOE IS ONLY IS TO COME FOR HIRA @ 9:00PM PLUS EIGHT FRIENDS ACCOMPANYING THEM, THEN SO SO THOUSAND NAIRA PLUS ANY GIFT (HISS)................LOOK ALL OF YOU ARE JUST TALKING. IN THE REAL SENSE AND IF ITS A TYPICAL HAUSA MAN, ROMANCE ENDS AS SOON AS THE WIFE DELIVERS A CHILD. SHE IS OUTTA AMARYA CATEGORY. WHY? WHEN A NEW BRIDE IS FRESH FRESH LIKE NEWLEY WEDS EVERYTHING NA VIP AFTER COUPLE OF YEARS ROMANCE IS OVER. EVEN WITH THE EUROPEANS........HONEYMOON DOESNT LAST, MAYBE FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS.........THEN ITS O-V-E-R
SO FOR THE TIME BEING JARE, CUDDLE CAN WAIT. PASS ME THE PERFUME :roll:
LOL gaskiyar ki ne yarinya! Allah ya raba mu da irin su... amin!
Iyeee Hafsy!!! Lallai wannan mijinki sai ya yi da gaske.
I'll leave the hausa guys to respond appropriately.
Ke kuma str8 ki ke biye mata ko, har da wani Allah ya raba ku da su?
Be carefull what you wish for. You might just get it!
Do you know that in Ibo culture a little beating and the occasional slap is considered foreplay?
Do you know that in some parts of Benue you honour a respected guest by offering him your youngest wife for the night, or sometimes she is offered as payment in kind for farm work when times are hard.
And you think offering suya to make up is unromantic ko?
Kwa gaya musu.
Wallahi ku yi hattara kar ku jawo ma kan ku jangwam!
Quote from: "kitkat"And you think offering suya to make up is unromantic ko
LOL Kitkat is has nothing to do with maigida sai yayi da gaske. Ba ruwan straightalkin, ni haka nake gani wannan issue in repsect of hausa men.
Honestly its sooooooooooo not romance. Buy me stick meat wallahi abun ma yabani dariya lol. Kai naga kana sai mata stick meat idan ka bata mata rai. Or to show love you must buy her suya?. mhmmm idan ba'ayi hankali ba yaji ma ya shiga idonta ko tayi poking idonta da stick din. How about fresh flowers, any cute asesory or cute gift not expensive. How can!!!! How can a man buy me suya to make up for what he has done? Haba!!! am not saying I must have a candle night dinner. I have a simple life style and I will lead it but in no heaven's way will you purchase me COW MEAT GARNISHED IN KULI KULI and PEPPER and hanged in stick rows to over shade you unjust behaviour to me. NO WAY!!!! ANOTHER ANNOYING NEW FOUND ROMANCE AMONG HAUSA MEN NOW IS IN THE EVENING A GUY WILL PAY YOU VISIT WAI ZA'A TAFI SHAN ICE-CREAM!!!!!!!!! AND ONLY IF THE GUY DOES THAT HE IS SO ROMANTIC AND GULFREIND WILL BE YAPPIN "wallahi mun tafi shan Ice-cream na after smo time gel go carry belle :roll: An tafi shan ice-cream kodai an je anyi abun da Allah ya haramta. Though its the new thing in town in Kano zuwa shan ice-cream with a boyfreind(hiss). My auntie use to use her husbys legs for pillow & her son will be handed over to the nanny. The husby loves her to death and his freind came to visit and he saw her. The typical hausa guy goes "meye haka wanna abun kunya" Typical hausa man!!! Another freind just asked her husby to massage her feet not because of romance wo but because she feel whilst cooking for him in the kitchen a very young married couple and the silly thing answered saying "ni leburanki ne" Imagine, that why I see hausa men are rated the most romantic men on earth :roll: Am not saying my husby has to be the perfect Guy or he must read all the mills & boon novels & learn how to be such a darlin. Duk wajen is minor. But a real gentleman is not told how to show love, affection and care to his wife. But hausa men wani abokinshine zai ce mishi a'a kaje kawai ka siyo mata nama? Turning elegant woman into Lion or what I dont know? I can write a book on SOME hausa men (especially those with big bellys & silver tooth,those jiddah goers) and their lack of ability to show love to their wives seeing it as something to be ashamed of. Am not talking from books of physicology, or from religious aspect this is THE REALITY OF SOME HAUSA MEN
Let me help the men a little. For married men always suprise your wife with things. You know like anniversaries etc. Bance ayi mata suprise da kishiyaba. For the young bois women love suprises but dont suprise her by marrying her best freind
AAAHHH!! :shock: Dis post wan pass me O! Oya all the kano guys, lets hear it from the boys, abin ya fi karfi na.
Ke kuma hafsy it sounds like it's getting personal. Ko dai wanni dan pagge ne ya shige gaban ki ne? :lol:
Besides maybe it's suya the average kano babe appreciates and the guys are just responding accordingly.
Like the ice cream thing, ba matan ne suke cewa "a je shan askireem ba"?
I can imagine turning up at the average pagge doorstep with a bunch of flowers and a huge teddy bear for my beloved. Watakila sai an tara malamai su mun rukkiya.
A long time ago three of us were coming back to Lagos with 3 huge valentine cakes for our babes and we made a scene with Kabo Air staff when we insisted on bringing our cakes on board. A kano girl from ABU witnessed the scene and the next day the whole of kongo campus was agog with the news of wasu "wahalallu" wai sun je har legas sayan cake din banza. We even made the campus magazine under the headline
"Na Wa for Sufferhead O!" Can you imagine?
Please guys lets hear your side of the story, abi na true she dey talk?
Lol @ Hafsy_Lady!!!!!!
this ur post must be in my library.
i can stop lafin
As-salamualaikum jama'a
Am a new viewer and I hope to familiarise myself with the system here. A' gaskiya wanna batu na Hafsy_Lady duk gaskiya ne. Lallai kin karenci mazan hausawanmu. Bayaninki ba karamin dariya ya baniba :lol: . Musannman nayi printing wannan page din zan nuna ma fiance dina. Kin mutukar bani dariya.
Quote from: "kitkat"Iyeee Hafsy!!! Lallai wannan mijinki sai ya yi da gaske.
I'll leave the hausa guys to respond appropriately.
Ke kuma str8 ki ke biye mata ko, har da wani Allah ya raba ku da su?
Be carefull what you wish for. You might just get it!
Do you know that in Ibo culture a little beating and the occasional slap is considered foreplay?
Do you know that in some parts of Benue you honour a respected guest by offering him your youngest wife for the night, or sometimes she is offered as payment in kind for farm work when times are hard.
And you think offering suya to make up is unromantic ko?
Kwa gaya musu.
Wallahi ku yi hattara kar ku jawo ma kan ku jangwam!
LOL LOL LOL Ai kitkat i have nothing to add except that what hafsy is saying is perfectly true and u men can learn a lot from such mistakes!!! OPEN YOUR EYES AND EARS!!!!
Nice post Hafsy..
To fa maza kunji fa,ba sayo tsire shine romance ba....
I also reason with kit kat.....maybe kwadayin matan ne ya sa ake sayo masu tsire.
Anyway.Here's a question!
Who are the unromantic lots?
The men or the women?
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSS Issue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hafceee u be worrior as usual!
I think the issue of romance tradition and religion has already been solved. Since religion overshaddows all, we could neglect traditions regarding dood and bad. Whats good for ur marriage might not be whats good for the survival of our dying traditon of modern hausa. As such we have to seek out to find whats ideal in our homes that matches our religion. The most romantic thing u could eva do is care, give ur spouce exactly wat she/he deserves, then ofcause that lil effort, that extra milimetre to extend the smile on his face. I swear even in the absence of love, when u make someone smile, the effort is not wasted for that smile on soght will induce one in u too. And if that was the way things have always been, there isnt anyway the love will die.
Falling in love is one thing, being in love, keeping it is another, and its a big job. Most men especially feel that once they get married, thier wahala is halved and now its the wifes turn. And to make matters worse, the wives think thier missions have been accomplished in marrrying...say...a man of their dreams, they just sit at home `n grow fat claiming "he is taking good care of her" Thats crap, they dont even make any attempts to look beautiful anymore. No one wants to do his duty, keep a marriage, a love, a smile happening by any effort. Honestly the average Hausa man is lazy, even beyond average. If u want a happy home, u gotta work for it.
Wallah gurls `n geez of k-online, this is the advice I give my sisters, and I drag it to ur ears now. Gurlz dont grow fat, keep it in there `n make things happen even after ur 10th grandson (wow wgar an age!) and men, its not time to rest, its time to double ur efforts, and keep even multiplying ur efforts by the number of children till ur strenght collapse.
If no one at all remembers u to be gr8, ur family will. Thats more important. The gr8 man, a loving and responsible father, a romantic husband....u too gurl, an unforgetable wife!
Quote from: "Ibro2g"
Wallah gurls `n geez of k-online, this is the advice I give my sisters, and I drag it to ur ears now. Gurlz dont grow fat, keep it in there `n make things happen even after ur 10th grandson [/color]
Well Ibro2g, luv isn't all about physical looks u know, even if da girl
grows fat. If da husband doesn't like her anymore cos she's fat then there
was no point getting married in da first place. Ur s'posed 2 like sum1 cos
of da content of da character and not physical looks
mhmmmm yanzu another thing is men have is this lamish idea which in their eyes is realish. A way of being romantic is to purchase a girl a stupid cell phone. :roll: In banda wulakanci, then if they are not paying your monthly bill they will load up credit on the phone and a girl should consider that bloody romantic. Ai' ko Nitel workers will consider it abusive if you give the a mobile phone.
Men kenan........that is romance for them wo! :roll: I iz lol'zing badly!
Men consider being romatic, injures their pride! Shiyasa mace zata ga tana zaune da kato a gida ba abin dayasani, saidai yaci, ya sha sannan ya dauki katon kanshi ya wani ce ya tafi nemo abinci (hiss). Most especially those kano men with big bellies and four wifes, "Alhajiyz". Wallahi nidai...nidai inda ina da yadda zanyi. I will start holding those adult classes for men. Irin a dan dinga koya musu yadda zasu kalli matarsu suce tayi kyau. Infact ko to talk to their wives. A'a saidai idan yaci ya koshi, sai ace za'a kalli news & from there kato be snoring! :roll: [/b]
Hey Hafcy!Im sending my C.V. Im applying for the post of professor in your school.
Book me down for for the 1st semester, "Romance 101".
But what about those women that consider marriage a lifetime fulfillment, a final destination and a well deserved rest from their lifelong quest for a suitable partner.
Your ravishing beauty, the apple of your eye, your twice a week salon and manicure princess suddenly decides that the chase is over and there is nothing more to prove. Sai dai ta yini a gida da zani a kirji, ita da kwalliya sai za ta je biki, and forget that hour glass figure that left an imprint on your brain hours after you saw her. Its bye bye calorie counting, in fact the only counting shell be be doing is the hours between meals( or minutes in some cases).
Sai ku sa darasin mata a makarantar taku for the sake of gender equality. Muma muna son romans din abin ne ya ke fin karfinmu wani lokacin...
Quote from: "kitkat"Book me down for for the 1st semester, "Romance 101".
But what about those women that consider marriage a lifetime fulfillment, a final destination and a well deserved rest from their lifelong quest for a suitable partner.
Your ravishing beauty, the apple of your eye, your twice a week salon and manicure princess suddenly decides that the chase is over and there is nothing more to prove. Sai dai ta yini a gida da zani a kirji, ita da kwalliya sai za ta je biki, and forget that hour glass figure that left an imprint on your brain hours after you saw her. Its bye bye calorie counting, in fact the only counting shell be be doing is the hours between meals( or minutes in some cases).
Sai ku sa darasin mata a makarantar taku for the sake of gender equality. Muma muna son romans din abin ne ya ke fin karfinmu wani lokacin...
This boy sure has a way with words..lol anyways,co-signs 150% :D :D
Kai kitty Kat.I think you are living in the sixties.Ai yanzu mata sun fa gano cewa in ma sun yi auren kwalliya sai dai ta karu,don in ba haka ba... toh ko Wallah ta ji labarin maigida a gari. :lol:
Amman dai hour glass din sai dai a yi hakuri saboda da yara sun zo fa kuma....
Kuma ba wani gender equality.We just wanna teach you men how to give the`romans?.
So which of you members are joining up?Classes are to begin as early as possible.Hafcy and I have also some good news.We have reviewed Goggs posts here and have conferred on him professorship.He will be giving classes also.
Quote from: "kitkat"...Its bye bye calorie counting, in fact the only counting shell be be doing is the hours between meals( or minutes in some cases).
Kai dai bari mallam! Sai ka shigo ka tarad da ita turus a zaune da daurin kirji, kai ba ko dankwali. Watakila ma tana sakatar hanci *shudders* :shock: Ai ka ga ko ka shigo da wani 'romantic feeling' ko 'intention' sai jikin ka ya yi sanyi :(
Quote from: "precious"Hey Hafcy!Im sending my C.V. Im applying for the post of professor in your school.
Sure thing Precious, but let me sort kitkat fast will be right back at cha to do the good talking.
Quote from: "kitkat"But what about those women that consider marriage a lifetime fulfillment, a final destination and a well deserved rest from their lifelong quest for a suitable partner.
Your ravishing beauty, the apple of your eye, your twice a week salon and manicure princess suddenly decides that the chase is over and there is nothing more to prove. Sai dai ta yini a gida da zani a kirji, ita da kwalliya sai za ta je biki, and forget that hour glass figure that left an imprint on your brain hours after you saw her. Its bye bye calorie counting, in fact the only counting shell be be doing is the hours between meals( or minutes in some cases). Muma muna son romans din abin ne ya ke fin karfinmu wani lokacin...
Yafi karfinku ko baku iya ba :roll:
To, Kitkat we dont look Phat for "men". Even fillage man, Dan Kauye, ehn too dey back Kitkat. Yaushe kukakai matsayin, kuma guda nawa kuke da za'ayimuku gayu. We are always looking cute because we have time to sit and pamper ourselves & personal hygiene is important to us and we have a variety of beauty stuffs to try ish and ish out. Please.........if marriage wasnt religious, do you honestly think we would even look at your species? Is not not after marrying your sorts, after one, two children a woman will go balloony. Ask med students, so dont even talk about calories! :roll: And is the same way you will marry another hour figure time girl and 2,3 girls itama you will claim she dont look attractive no more, cous she got calories on :roll:
Wait, kuma since one of those Malams in Kano had a preaching seminar, ya'all clinged to his statements na mace da zani a kirji! I dont blame women if they turn out that way. Why because you guys are so so so soooo not used to seeing women looking sheek, so even when your wife dresses cute you wouldnt know saboda ido be saba ganin haka ba. :P
Imagine a girl cooks for you, gets your comforts sorted out for your return home. She showers and puts flowery essence in the house and pours many perfume on herself. She picks out some nice outfit to compliment her physique. She is looking cute. You bring your lazy behind home. She welcomes you maybe with a hug and you instead giver her your briefcase, no little kiss (ko annabi (S.AW) kisses Kahdija (R.A) forehead, ku wuna no fit, infact chances are yana jin kunya ba'ayi buroshi ba :P . She ignores your mistakes and carries on her mission to be romantic. You changed and sat for your meal seeing that your table is all made with different delicacies you just zoom platter after platter with no thank you at the end or complementing her delicious cooking. Chances are you release big burb!! Kazamai irinku. She waits till you filled, tana kyafkyafta maka idanu ana muka expensive smile but you will not even take note talkless of complementing her, saidai yace ke, danAllah samin NTA zan kalli news. After that, maybe she picks Titanic for the two of you to watch and talk about life, before she reaches for the remote (he is fast snoringggg).NOW AFTER GOING THROUGH THIS SO MANY TIMES, WHAT IN THE WORLD WOULD MAKE ME DRESS GOOD FOR "A MAN" WHO DONT GIVE A HOOT HOW I LOOK? SOME MEN SIMPLY DONT DESERVE IT. NI SAI NA NAYI ALLAH YA ISA IDAN YACE I LOOK GOOD, CUS HIS EYES DONT DESERVE IT:roll:
Har kitkat kana maganan rashin iya kwalliyan mata ma mazajen su. Since when did men become clean? We even make romantic moves to make your dirty selves clean. Sai zaku office, we approach you & do your ties properly or tilt that cap that you had positioned like irin yan kasuwa, we pour some nice fragrance on you. Kafin a aureku ai ba'a saba ba lura da jiki ba. Just pick a random man on the street or anyway look at his elbow or the back of his hands (pure white, that place no see vaseline for a damn long time) :roll: Also, its when you reach office you will find out she has slipped a note in your brief case simply reading (Dont stress yourself out and when you tired call me, Luttah love.) The mumu wont even call except if his stressed self comes home, he will take it out on you! Ko dayake we dont blame you, kun saba da irin yan tangalawaja, irin yan sautan zaria, so you are use to non-romantic gestures! And hausa man if you are being romantic, they start being shy :shock: :shock: :shock: :D. Am saying, wallahi hausa girls you guys have a hell load of crap to deal with before you polish your guys modern!
Sannan a bude baki ace mace bata wanka da kwalliya sai zata biki. Noooo its when you guys are clean, thanks to us that you will open mouth and talk rubbish.
Hausa men especially, they dont know anything about being romantic, saidai the younger onces who are fast copying westerners. Amman try a middle aged man, ba abin da yasani! But try a woman, even our ancestors, you will see when they are marrying their daugthers off, they will say, wake up and bath at 6am (hiss, who born man, abeg I sleep till when I feel like waking up). Make his food and make sure you smell nice. All efforts made by woman will go in vain because MAN NO GO EVEN TAKE NOTICE TALKLESS TO COMPLIMENT. Its even when a woman is lucky sai a siyomata lemu da ayaba and for younger boys they will bring ice cream and suya :evil: don wulakanci, infact yanzu smo boi will visit your house with two tickets, if you ask what are they for/ He will reply "I am taking you to watch night of a thousand laughs" :shock: (Hafsy falls off her chair and faints) I sure laughed a thousand when my freind Stella told me about her boyfreind and their tickets trying to be romantic. Its only a matter of time before shan ice-cream will be substituted for "night of a thousand laugh".
The most annoying thing is they will start sending you forward text mesgs, I love you this, you are the breathe I take, I will die for you (pure raps) now when they get a gun bucked up dey faces and asked to take a shell or two for you, dey no go fit (sai karyan words kawai). You dont have to take a girl for a candle lit dinner, or buy her roses or chocs, thats western! You can still be traditionally romantic :roll: A'a sai kiga kato baisan komai ba saidai kawai yazo yana cewa I like your shoe! Mumu....what about my face? :evil:
NO SERIOUSLY HAUSA MEN, MAKE WUNA START LEARNING. BEING ROMATIC SAVES ALOT OF DIVORCE. AND FOR ALL THIS PESKY SMO BOIS, MAKE WUNA WAIT TILL WUNA GROW AND STOP VISITING GIRLS WITH GSM or what ever they like to call mobile BECAUSE IT IS NOT ROMANTIC arghhhhhhh. Thats why these days some girls are running away to court, date and marry men from other tribes because y'all aint good in showin sum luff! :roll: Ummita wise choice you made! But if you carry dat man go house yuwa gran mama fit kill you. A rasta of all men! (This girl is insaneee)
Precious when should we begin holding classes.?We have to start teaching them how to be bold and approach a girl and stop using reharsed chat up lines. How to keep dating and avoid being dumped. On days we dont hold classes, you can suggest few romantic movies to teach these low IQ'd ppl in the field of being a lovey dovey!
Ha ha ha :D :D
Hafsy, ive got ur number!!
I bet good money i'll get a monster post out of you...
it never fails.
Zan baki amsa in an jima :D :D
Being romantic traditionally, in ze hausa sense is going for zance at least 3 tyms a week, sfending at least 2 to 3 hours standing about 2 meters away prom each oza, bringing with u some kayan marmari n ending uf talking about birtually nothing ROMANTIC oza than "wallahi na yi mafarkin ki yau", "ai tin ranar nan tunanin ki na ke yi" and so on n when leabing, making sure u leabe behind some amount op currencies.
Being romantic again can be worshiffing your girls ficture zat u froudly disflayed on ze walls op ur room so zat all ur priends can come n c ur queen.
Being romantic z showing to ur gilr priend ur new bicycle!
Quote from: "Hafsy_Lady"Yafi karfinku ko baku iya ba :roll:
[/color]
Ooops lolz
Quote from: "Hafsy_Lady"You bring your lazy behind home. She welcomes you maybe with a hug and you instead giver her your briefcase, no little kiss (ko annabi (S.AW) kisses Kahdija (R.A) forehead, ku wuna no fit, infact chances are yana jin kunya ba'ayi buroshi ba :P .
[/color]
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Quote from: "Hafsy_Lady"Kazamai irinku.
[/color]Oh mah God...........(she laffs hard)....no u didnt!!!!! :lol:
Quote from: "Hafsy_Lady"SAI NA NAYI ALLAH YA ISA IDAN YACE I LOOK GOOD, CUS HIS EYES DONT DESERVE IT:roll:
[/color]Pls, kiyi hankuri fah............madddddddddddd girl
Quote from: "Hafsy_Lady"Since when did men become clean?
[/color] Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh u got it bad :mrgreen:(http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_1_125.gif)
Quote from: "Hafsy_Lady"
Its even when a woman is lucky sai a siyomata lemu da ayaba and for younger boys they will bring ice cream and suya :evil: don wulakanci,
[/color] Oh....lolz lolz....lolz.....My tummy hurts.....(she laffs)......(http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_1_122.gif)
Quote from: "Hafsy_Lady"Ummita wise choice you made! But if you carry dat man go house yuwa gran mama fit kill you. A rasta of all men! (This girl is insaneee)
[/color]
Errrrrrrrrrrmhmm ehemmm *coughs*...dnt know wat u talkin about.(http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_1_110.gif)
Quote from: "mudacris"Being romantic traditionally, in ze hausa sense is going for zance at least 3 tyms a week, sfending at least 2 to 3 hours standing about 2 meters away prom each oza, bringing with u some kayan marmari n ending uf talking about birtually nothing ROMANTIC oza than "wallahi na yi mafarkin ki yau", "ai tin ranar nan tunanin ki na ke yi" and so on n when leabing, making sure u leabe behind some amount op currencies.
Being romantic again can be worshiffing your girls ficture zat u froudly disflayed on ze walls op ur room so zat all ur priends can come n c ur queen.
Being romantic z showing to ur gilr priend ur new bicycle!
:lol: :lol:
SHIRMENKA NA DA YAWA MUDACRIS, TO AHAKAN ZA'A BUDURWAN? KUNA DA SAURAN AIKI A GABA.............
I SAID I WILL HOLD CLASSES TO OPEN HAUSA MEN EYE.....ON BEING ROMANTIC.....AND REAL EXAMS WILL HOLD. INA KITKAT YA SHIGANE? ABI YOU DONT FIND LOVE? ADAI ZAMACEWA AN KOYI ROMANTIC WORDS...KAFIN TA GUDU :P
Quote from: "Hafsy_Lady"INA KITKAT YA SHIGANE? ABI YOU DONT FIND LOVE?
Maybe wo!
As you said..........Love one tin tin :lol:
Quote from: "ummita"Quote from: "Hafsy_Lady"INA KITKAT YA SHIGANE? ABI YOU DONT FIND LOVE?
Maybe wo!
As you said..........Love one tin tin :lol:
Where man go see love da irinku a gari??
I actually had a good thing ggoin on but it blew up in my face and I still dont know why.
Maybe shes been browsing kanoonline!!!
Quote from: "kitkat"
Where man go see love da irinku a gari??
Yauwaaaaaa! Yanzu naji magana, u go want toast girl she go dey blow grammar por you, irin su Hafsy ai sai mai Imfala, ko kuma cardillac.
tHis Is ReAl RoManCE:
a GuY, Mr. Gumbi had an argument with his wife who got too angry, packed her bags and went to her parental home.
Unfortunately for her, she had to pass her husband's place everyday she went to work or the shops.
Days passed and still Mrs Gumbi did not go back to her house until Gumbi realised that she was not coming back and he decided to go to Tru-Pep.
When he got to Pep, he bought 5 XL women underwears in different colours.
Then here comes Gumbi's wife passing by her house going home only to see one red size XL underwear hanging from the wash line....she ignores it.
The following day there is a pink one....she ignores it but she is fuming.
The next morning Gumbi sees his fuming wife approaching him,"Gumbi, no fat woman of yours will make me leave my home, I am back"!
by d way dan K U`ve sHoWN ur self by dAT pic. THumBs Up!!!!!
Well ibi like say this place is a talkin zone.
Ok make i add a little bit to the salt here. U know it never makes things bad to help out with the WIFE, normally when things are HOBBLY BOOLY with the new marriage things all goes fine , till when the TYPICAL INDIGENOUS HAUSA PEOPLE start getting into ur issues........ u knw who im talkin about .........they will start tellin u that dnt show ur wife u love her too much , so she takes that advantage and use it on , while for the other side of the brain(ur wifes side) they also tell her the same thing...... then when u people start doing things individually , later u fall apart. "HAUSA PSYCOLOGY"
For me, all i do is i try my best to see that UMMITA'S MUM is always happy, i normally help out with the DISHES (actually i like doing the dishes......i never mind) and i try to help out in other areas u know make her feel that she is appreciated for what she does, and for other small things that i feel i dnt need to ask her to do it , i do it myself .But sometimes i ask her for some small things that i can do to myself (but i normally do that , becus i want her to know i need her all the time). ok is like i normally come back home late...... hey u guys might know this...... HUNGRY...... so i ask her for some small thing to eat ....that b4 watching and going to bed. A simple THANK YOU , can make them feel apprecaited.
IT all takes a few things and u give someone a smile. So just try ur best and pray to GOD things good well. Notwithstanding , i always ve UMMITA to play with.
ZEZEZE watch and u will learn. By the way "YAR taka wants a PLANE thats can land on top of the roof.......just imagine????"
thank you gogannamu. a relevant topic. all have been said on this topic. however, the conflict between the various views are two fold.
one is that of modernity, or western culturised idea of romance and
two is that though traditional but decent, matured and northern (Islamic) culturally compliant romance.
al-hamz and co probably have showbiz idea of romance?
4play, bath, assist, help, smile, etc but let everything be decent and in accordance with the Sunnah.
may Allah bless gogannamu.
keep the flag flying
how are u Ummita? uwar gata!
Quote from: "kitkat"Book me down for for the 1st semester, "Romance 101".
But what about those women that consider marriage a lifetime fulfillment, a final destination and a well deserved rest from their lifelong quest for a suitable partner.
Your ravishing beauty, the apple of your eye, your twice a week salon and manicure princess suddenly decides that the chase is over and there is nothing more to prove. Sai dai ta yini a gida da zani a kirji, ita da kwalliya sai za ta je biki, and forget that hour glass figure that left an imprint on your brain hours after you saw her. Its bye bye calorie counting, in fact the only counting shell be be doing is the hours between meals( or minutes in some cases).
Sai ku sa darasin mata a makarantar taku for the sake of gender equality. Muma muna son romans din abin ne ya ke fin karfinmu wani lokacin...
You want a wife that is high maintenance? Then u cough up Buster!! You must lay aside the cash for the twice/ thrice weekly salon, the pedi/manicure, the spa trips, the gym workouts (or get her a mini gymnasium at home) to keep that sculpted body look, the Estee Lauder and L'oreal cosmetics ( the mid end brand names) and the clothes to keep her off from daurin kirji. Dont expect a wife to do all this just to keep u happy if she has to be the one to come up with the dough. What's in it for her? Your company? or the threat of co wife?
Quote from: "kitkat"Book me down for for the 1st semester, "Romance 101".
But what about those women that consider marriage a lifetime fulfillment, a final destination and a well deserved rest from their lifelong quest for a suitable partner.
Your ravishing beauty, the apple of your eye, your twice a week salon and manicure princess suddenly decides that the chase is over and there is nothing more to prove. Sai dai ta yini a gida da zani a kirji, ita da kwalliya sai za ta je biki, and forget that hour glass figure that left an imprint on your brain hours after you saw her. Its bye bye calorie counting, in fact the only counting shell be be doing is the hours between meals( or minutes in some cases).
Sai ku sa darasin mata a makarantar taku for the sake of gender equality. Muma muna son romans din abin ne ya ke fin karfinmu wani lokacin...
You want a wife that is high maintenance? Then u cough up Buster!! You must lay aside the cash for the twice/ thrice weekly salon, the pedi/manicure, the spa trips, the gym workouts (or get her a mini gymnasium at home) to keep that sculpted body look, the Estee Lauder and L'oreal cosmetics ( the mid end brand names) and the clothes to keep her off from daurin kirji. Dont expect a wife to do all this just to keep u happy if she has to be the one to come up with the dough. What's in it for her? Your company? or the threat of co wife?
Quote from: "kitkat"Book me down for for the 1st semester, "Romance 101".
But what about those women that consider marriage a lifetime fulfillment, a final destination and a well deserved rest from their lifelong quest for a suitable partner.
Your ravishing beauty, the apple of your eye, your twice a week salon and manicure princess suddenly decides that the chase is over and there is nothing more to prove. Sai dai ta yini a gida da zani a kirji, ita da kwalliya sai za ta je biki, and forget that hour glass figure that left an imprint on your brain hours after you saw her. Its bye bye calorie counting, in fact the only counting shell be be doing is the hours between meals( or minutes in some cases).
Sai ku sa darasin mata a makarantar taku for the sake of gender equality. Muma muna son romans din abin ne ya ke fin karfinmu wani lokacin...
You want a wife that is high maintenance? Then u cough up Buster!! You must lay aside the cash for the twice/ thrice weekly salon, the pedi/manicure, the spa trips, the gym workouts (or get her a mini gymnasium at home) to keep that sculpted body look, the Estee Lauder and L'oreal cosmetics ( the mid end brand names) and the clothes to keep her off from daurin kirji. Dont expect a wife to do all this just to keep u happy if she has to be the one to come up with the dough. What's in it for her? Your company? or the threat of co wife?
'in ba ke ba rijiya'. wetin pass romantic like dis! :shock:
akwai romance in ze north.
gogannmu, you never notice the silent revolution going on in ze north?
courtessy of fina finan hausa, a new romantic revolution is taking place.
the songs are so nice with intimate rythms.
i am sure with the acceptance of these films, this and the next generation of ze northerners will find new expressions in romance.
am also sure the film directors are accepting some of the criticisms for improvement to reflect the northern culture and decency.
'in ba ke ba rijiya'. wetin pass romantic like dis! :shock:
akwai romance in ze north.
Quote from: "Tukurtukur"'in ba ke ba rijiya'. wetin pass romantic like dis! :shock:
akwai romance in ze north.
LOL,
Lately i found out that Bororo(bororoji) people are the most romantic people in Africa.If you have observed them you will notice that the husband and wife always move together and to show his love and attachment to her,the husband plaits his hair like the woman's and he takes care of the kids most of the time.He strokes her in public and whenever they are having a chat they wear smiles on their faces.
Northerners fa?We must admit that we have our own kind of romance but mostly it occurs before marriage,and as kitkat said,after the marriage its a whole new Ball game.
Later on we will list some of the romantic attitudes of Northerners.[/color]
We're really romantic as any other tradition. Alot of issues like "kishiya" covers it and our women dont get the message when the husband tries to show...
The issue here comes from the northern girls who feed you tuwo day in day out. Calls you ALAJI instead of a sweet (romantic) name and stuffs like this...
Quote from: Dante on August 12, 2006, 06:47:23 PM
We're really romantic as any other tradition.
*Coughs*......ehemmm, uhummmm, uhummmmm. Ku suwa? Oh wai ku maza? Bros, u sure? ;D
Quote from: Dante on August 12, 2006, 06:47:23 PMand our women dont get the message when the husband tries to show...
lol, lol, lol.......Can I just ask how you show it? It sounds alien to meh........cus common to put your emotions on display wuna no go fit......instead find it condensing your macho embroidery!
Quote from: Dante on August 12, 2006, 06:47:23 PMhe issue here comes from the northern girls who feed you tuwo day in day out. Calls you ALAJI instead of a sweet (romantic) name and stuffs like this...
cant stop laughing at Hafsy's comments. You too much! But quite frankly, she has a point, she said baku saba jin hakah ba, so kada ma wai a batah lokacin farawa ;D ;D ;D
Dante iner kah boyeh neh? Kwana diyawah......Abi she don begin dey address you wit shiwit, shiweet names ne?
*Coughs*......ehemmm, uhummmm, uhummmmm. Ku suwa? Oh wai ku maza? Bros, u sure? ;D
wanene ya gwada ya ga ba hakan bane? ai kowa ya san mu wajen soyewa laaaafs!!!!!
Quote from: Dante on August 12, 2006, 06:47:23 PMand our women dont get the message when the husband tries to show...
eh ai tsayawa suke nsuna yangan mara tasiri. suna so suna kaiwa kasuwa
Quote from: sadiq on December 15, 2007, 09:32:43 PM
*Coughs*......ehemmm, uhummmm, uhummmmm. Ku suwa? Oh wai ku maza? Bros, u sure? ;D
wanene ya gwada ya ga ba hakan bane? ai kowa ya san mu wajen soyewa laaaafs!!!!!
Quote from: Dante on August 12, 2006, 06:47:23 PMand our women dont get the message when the husband tries to show...
eh ai tsayawa suke nsuna yangan mara tasiri. suna so suna kaiwa kasuwa
Ai yanga is what makes a woman complete and differenciaties her ways of doing things from a man. Iden kumah baayi yengah dinbah..........you will b the first to complain........."ai ingayamakah abokinah, iden kah gantah kamar ba mace bah
Yanzu if you ask a man the last cutest thing he did or gave his wife. In all probability this is the response you will get...* long pauseeeeeee * then, ermmm, err, I just told her I love her. Dude she knows that already!
Ask a woman, two seconds she is likely to deliver this: I made him a nice meal, escorted him to his car and before he drove through the gates I rang him to tell him I already missing his presence, I turned up to his work place unexpectedly, had my little baby held out a piece of paper that says: mummy n I luv u daddy n sent it via picture messaging, dropped a little cute message in his jacket and certain he will see it if he goes fishing for keys or other pocketries, remind him to take a lot of rest during work to avoid stress and the list in endless. You ask some of our "opposite counterpart", you will just be disappointed. Anyway not all men are like that, mudai we pretty lucky. ;D
Quote from: sadiq on December 15, 2007, 09:32:43 PMai kowa ya san mu wajen soyewa laaaafs!!!
Ewwwww, wallah I hate dat word soyayah.....Anyway, me wasun sukah iya? In banda ego centrism da pompousness kawai. If woman begin dey do all this, sai ku fara jin kunya..... toh abindah ba'a saba ba, kada mah a sayi muku. Its not a daunting job for some women, its some men that consider being r'tic.......... a herculean task! And the sooner some men stop finding being passionate difficult undertaking, the better. This is because it could rescue many marriages and relationships that are on the brink of dissolution.
Sadiq, hav u read Hafsy-Lady's comments? All of it?, Lol lol lol lol lol lol.
Quote from: ummita on December 16, 2007, 12:14:33 AM
Quote from: sadiq on December 15, 2007, 09:32:43 PM
*Coughs*......ehemmm, uhummmm, uhummmmm. Ku suwa? Oh wai ku maza? Bros, u sure? ;D
wanene ya gwada ya ga ba hakan bane? ai kowa ya san mu wajen soyewa laaaafs!!!!!
Quote from: Dante on August 12, 2006, 06:47:23 PMand our women dont get the message when the husband tries to show...
eh ai tsayawa suke nsuna yangan mara tasiri. suna so suna kaiwa kasuwa
Ai yanga is what makes a woman complete and differenciaties her ways of doing things from a man. Iden kumah baayi yengah dinbah..........you will b the first to complain........."ai ingayamakah abokinah, iden kah gantah kamar ba mace bah
Don't mind dem jare, I remember back in my youthful years. I was the definition of yanga. Yanzu ko tsufa yazo. Kinsan cikar mace iya gaye amma yaushe za'a ma a bata lokaci ayiwa wani abu wai shi namiji yanga? They often mistake kwalliya da gaye for yanga. Masu musu yangan ma nada lokacin su ne
Quote from: ummita on December 16, 2007, 12:14:33 AM
Ask a woman, two seconds she is likely to deliver this: I made him a nice meal, escorted him to his car and before he drove through the gates I rang him to tell him I already missing his presence, I turned up to his work place unexpectedly, had my little baby held out a piece of paper that says: mummy n I luv u daddy n sent it via picture messaging, dropped a little cute message in his jacket and certain he will see it if he goes fishing for keys or other pocketries, remind him to take a lot of rest during work to avoid stress and the list in endless. You ask some of our "opposite counterpart", you will just be disappointed.
Ke ki bari kawai, duk wannan na freshers ne, in zama yayi zama kina zuba musu one or two kids, an dena dauki amarya zakiga changi. Idan da ana kiranki da wani favorite name sai kiji an koma
"ke", kawo mun abinci na" don ma tsananin wulakanci. Maza!
Quote from: ummita on December 16, 2007, 12:14:33 AMAsk a woman, two seconds she is likely to deliver this: I made him a nice meal, escorted him to his car and before he drove through the gates I rang him to tell him I already missing his presence, I turned up to his work place unexpectedly,
Ke, Ummita, mhmm when breeze blow and fowl backside open ehn....Na miji ko!!! Bari na baki wani life scenario. Irin wannan surprise visits din wata kawata mijinta na aiki a NNPC, haka kawai wai ita mai son mijinta, ta tashi taci kwalliyarta, tayi mishi girke girke - varities taje kaimishi office. Ta shiga office dinshi kenan, saiga wata katuwar budurwa zaune gankeke a chinyar maigidanta kumama wai inyamura. Ko meya gani anan oho! Abun da ya raba aurensu kenan. Ta sake aurenta, yanzu wani ya aure and the proud owener of a pretty wife who really knows her worth and appreciates what she shows him. I was talking to her one random day and I out of the bloom I asked: nace wai ke wani irin abinci kikayi wa Mahmud? Tace danbanza, perpesu ne dasu sausage rolls da roasties. Nace ai da kin dauki perpesun dake foot warmer dinne da zafinshi kin kwara ma yan banzan daga shi har inyamurar. She said to me, Hafsy ai an kaini na dawo rakiya.
Quote from: ummita on December 16, 2007, 12:14:33 AM
Anyway not all men are like that, mudai we pretty lucky. ;D
La ila ha illal lahu yaushe kikayi baki haka? Ashe ana love one tin-tin ne mu na gefen wani duniya bamu sani ba. Zamuzo kallo. Inga idanuwan mara kunya? Iyyeh!!!! Ashe koke-koken nan duk na munafurci ne. ;D
Assalamu alaikum,
Kano-online is like a 'Classroom' to me, this Thread (Are we romantic?) is kind of a very educative 'Subject.'
Thanks to all contributors.
Quote from: EMTL on December 16, 2007, 10:12:49 AM
Kano-online is like a 'Classroom' to me, this Thread (Are we romantic?) is kind of a very educative 'Subject.'
Haba Malam
EMTL, you should be a prof regarding these matters...
Quote from: ummita on December 16, 2007, 12:14:33 AM
Ask a woman, two seconds she is likely to deliver this: I made him a nice meal, escorted him to his car and before he drove through the gates I rang him to tell him I already missing his presence, I turned up to his work place unexpectedly, had my little baby held out a piece of paper that says: mummy n I luv u daddy n sent it via picture messaging, dropped a little cute message in his jacket and certain he will see it if he goes fishing for keys or other pocketries, remind him to take a lot of rest during work to avoid stress and the list in endless. You ask some of our "opposite counterpart", you will just be disappointed. Anyway not all men are like that, mudai we pretty lucky. ;D
That is exactly what Dante is saying...exactly, the whole of it
(Back-up for you my brother), now ummita tell me how many hausa women, sincerely do such a thing to their husbands? How many? These things we only see on TV, other people do them, europeans do them, Asians do them, oh my God even Indians do them, why cant we please each other by doing them um?
Now tell me what a contemporary hausa woman does to be labelled romantic? They wait for you in the evening before you come back from the office, they take bath only immediately before you come back, they spray turare and ci kwaliya to the teeths, you come back they tell you Sannu da zuwa, they dont rush your briefcase, they dont pull your shoes, they dont massage your feets, they dont wipe your face when your sweaty, God they dont even help you with your Coat or Babarigar to the room. Well they bring the food alright wich is tuwo all night 24/7...c'mmon how romantic can that be? and in the end you get to discover that all the kwaliya and yanga in the first place is all preparations to ask for money for some yeye yayin biki.
Haba get a grip on yourselfs and expand your Horizons! go a little out of the box, a husband cant be spending on you 24/7 and not expect something in return, by little gifts that doesnt cost much, he will apppreciate the move, at least if you dont have any money, use out of the money he showers on you mana? Do not be rigid or stagnant, shikenan an aure ki shikenan kin zama tsohuwa? Behave like the yarinya you use to be before the marriage, wear your kananan kaya, trousers, minies, spaghetties and shorts in the house, be creative and i swear, you will NEVER, i repeat NEVER get a kishiya! lol!
Quote from: *~MuDaCriS~* on December 16, 2007, 05:05:21 PM
Quote from: ummita on December 16, 2007, 12:14:33 AM
That is exactly what Dante is saying...exactly, the whole of it (Back-up for you my brother), now ummita tell me how many hausa women, sincerely do such a thing to their husbands? How many? These things we only see on TV, other people do them, europeans do them, Asians do them, oh my God even Indians do them, why cant we please each other by doing them um?
Now tell me what a contemporary hausa woman does to be labelled romantic? They wait for you in the evening before you come back from the office, they take bath only immediately before you come back, they spray turare and ci kwaliya to the teeths, you come back they tell you Sannu da zuwa, they dont rush your briefcase, they dont pull your shoes, they dont massage your feets, they dont wipe your face when your sweaty, God they dont even help you with your Coat or Babarigar to the room. Well they bring the food alright wich is tuwo all night 24/7...c'mmon how romantic can that be? and in the end you get to discover that all the kwaliya and yanga in the first place is all preparations to ask for money for some yeye yayin biki.
Haba get a grip on yourselfs and expand your Horizons! go a little out of the box, a husband cant be spending on you 24/7 and not expect something in return, by little gifts that doesnt cost much, he will apppreciate the move, at least if you dont have any money, use out of the money he showers on you mana? Do not be rigid or stagnant, shikenan an aure ki shikenan kin zama tsohuwa? Behave like the yarinya you use to be before the marriage, wear your kananan kaya, trousers, minies, spaghetties and shorts in the house, be creative and i swear, you will NEVER, i repeat NEVER get a kishiya! lol!
O boy na true talk wo. They dont know how to nurse their husbands. All they specialise in is Asiri a mallake miji sai yadda akayi da shi. Wannan shi ne abin da matan arewa suka iya. Indeeeed, most of them do not know that the word ROMANCE,
IS A QUID PRO QUO OF A SORT
Hahahahaha.kai kun bani dariya wallah.Akwai thousand and one ways one can be romantic but it takes two to tango.A man cannot be romantic and expects his wife to be.Same thing for the wife.If for a change,the man will hold her hands in public,open the door for her before she passes though or gets in a car,give her kisses on her forehead to remind her how much he cares,hide some love notes in her cooking pots to tell her he appreciates her cooking and waiting on him,brings her breakfast or offer to cook dinner for a change,take her out for a romantic get together away from the kids,never gets tired of telling her how beautiful she is and how lucky he is,never feels too big to say he is sorry...kai the list goes on and on and on,i think that might solve part of the problem.
You see, you dont have to buy her love or romance.The mistake men make is thinking that with money,everything is possible.It is possible kam but to an extent amma have it in mind that what ever she does,she deos it for the money,like bathing some minuits before you get home and doing only what is expected of her to do as a wife and not a lover.
Do not always think that the man is the only one that needs pampering.The wife needs that too and in a romantic way.She needs to be taking care of.A woman has lots of emotional gymnastics circulating around her.Let her know that you care and will always be there.Do not always remind her that you are the head of the family so things should always go your way.She knows that.Let her have breathing space and a say when it comes to decision making.hear her out for a change.Do not always expect her to do things for you because that is absolutely not romantic.Get up and get that cup of water for a change.she will not only feel closer to you but it is also a form of exercice for you.
We all can be romantic you know.If your partner isnt,encourage him or her by trying to be very romantic yourself.Your partner will move with the flow.Good luck. :)
Quote from: *~MuDaCriS~* on December 16, 2007, 05:05:21 PM
Now tell me what a contemporary hausa woman does to be labelled romantic? They wait for you in the evening before you come back from the office, they take bath only immediately before you come back, they spray turare and ci kwaliya to the teeths, you come back they tell you Sannu da zuwa, they dont rush your briefcase, they dont pull your shoes, they dont massage your feets, they dont wipe your face when your sweaty, God they dont even help you with your Coat or Babarigar to the room. Well they bring the food alright wich is tuwo all night 24/7...c'mmon how romantic can that be? and in the end you get to discover that all the kwaliya and yanga in the first place is all preparations to ask for money for some yeye yayin biki.
Lol Muda u sound like u've got some experience hehehe. Me I say that is not being a romantic.. that is being a slave...
Quote from: *~MuDaCriS~*link=topic=1024.msg35633#msg35633date=1197821121
Haba get a grip on yourselfs and expand your Horizons! go a little out of the box, a husband cant be spending on you 24/7 and not expect something in return, by little gifts that doesnt cost much, he will apppreciate the move, at least if you dont have any money, use out of the money he showers on you mana? Do not be rigid or stagnant, shikenan an aure ki shikenan kin zama tsohuwa? Behave like the yarinya you use to be before the marriage, wear your kananan kaya, trousers, minies, spaghetties and shorts in the house, be creative and i swear, you will NEVER, i repeat NEVER get a kishiya! lol![/color]
Waya ce maka maza shower women with money? what a myth. Even the richest of them, may not be stingey when it comes to giving material things, but not lucre..... lol its like they are giving a little bit of their souls if they have to part with money!!!
Quote from: sdanyaro on December 16, 2007, 03:11:32 PM
Quote from: EMTL on December 16, 2007, 10:12:49 AM
Kano-online is like a 'Classroom' to me, this Thread (Are we romantic?) is kind of a very educative 'Subject.'
Haba Malam EMTL, you should be a prof regarding these matters...
Assalamu alaikum,
Haba Mallam kunanan ai ba mai magana- Gangaran na wuri ta ya za'a yi 'kolo yace katabus.
Quote from: HUSNAA on December 17, 2007, 01:09:08 PM
Quote from: *~MuDaCriS~* on December 16, 2007, 05:05:21 PM
Now tell me what a contemporary hausa woman does to be labelled romantic? They wait for you in the evening before you come back from the office, they take bath only immediately before you come back, they spray turare and ci kwaliya to the teeths, you come back they tell you Sannu da zuwa, they dont rush your briefcase, they dont pull your shoes, they dont massage your feets, they dont wipe your face when your sweaty, God they dont even help you with your Coat or Babarigar to the room. Well they bring the food alright wich is tuwo all night 24/7...c'mmon how romantic can that be? And in the end you get to discover that all the kwaliya and yanga in the first place is all preparations to ask for money for some yeye yayin biki.
Lol Muda u sound like u've got some experience hehehe. Me I say that is not being a romantic.. that is being a slave...
Quote from: Bee on December 16, 2007, 10:34:43 PM
Akwai thousand and one ways one can be romantic but it takes two to tango.A man cannot be romantic and expects his wife to be.Same thing for the wife.If for a change,the man will hold her hands in public,open the door for her before she passes though or gets in a car,give her kisses on her forehead to remind her how much he cares,hide some love notes in her cooking pots to tell her he appreciates her cooking and waiting on him,brings her breakfast or offer to cook dinner for a change,take her out for a romantic get together away from the kids,never gets tired of telling her how beautiful she is and how lucky he is,never feels too big to say he is sorry...kai the list goes on and on and on,i think that might solve part of the problem.
Then this is also slavery ko?...lol!
Quote from: gogannaka on December 11, 2003, 01:50:36 AM
Talking about dressing up to impress your wife or hubby,here's an incidence that happened btw a man and his wife............
I heard the story from an imam when he was preaching on the same subject matter.........
Here goes.........wai the woman annoyed the husband to the extent that he promised himself that yana dawo wa gida he will give her the quit notice( zai sake ta saki uku)......the woman knowing that she has wronged the husband imediately took a bath and put on a her beautiful nightgown she has never worn............Bawan Allan naka da ya dawo,he was all frowning but when he saw her he was like ?:o :o :o........dont ask what happened later :-X
At the middle of the "something" he told her to please remind him to buy her a new nightgown tomorrow idan Allah ya kai su.....
Bai sake yin maganar sakin ba.............
Thats the way it should be Goga. The whole life is very easy. There is no wahala in it. We are all humans bound to wrong one another. Kuma ai karya ne ace wai shi Namiji sai abin da yake so matar sa zata yi. Domin mu tuna fa cewar Allah yayi ta da halinta kuma shima da irin nasa. Halayen sa da nata ba zai zama daya ba. Good one bro.
Quote from: al_hamza on December 02, 2003, 04:41:03 PM
kai!
Wallahi un-immaginable things ne kuwa.
okay, play b4 sex (yukh) is banned in Islam/FORBIDDEN
an american asked that in an interview with an imam of Saudi, and i happened to be watching the channel at that time,
then, you said Prophet Mohammed (S.A.W) used to take bath with Aisha(R.T.A)??????? innalillahi, anyways, since there's a hadith, that says we shouldnt wrong a hadith till we prove it to, i wouldnt say you are wrong, but i will argue.
you see according to MUWATTA IMAM MALIK, it isnt allowed for a man to see his wives private part and the woman to see her husbands, in-fact the thing(9months b4 birth thing) is to be done in the dark, with a sheet covering atleast upto the waist(ofcourse only on the person on top you dumbo).
then calling to tell how much you miss him/her?
dont they meet everyday?
kiss my wife in-front of the kids? out of the question!
kiss my kids? YEAH, I LOVE KIDS (MICHEAL JACKSON PART II, but i aint a child molester, lol) JUST LOVE THE LIL ANGELS.
DRESS ELEGANTLY? TO IMPRESS ME WIFE? LOL, WHAT DOES MY WIFE WANT ? A LOVING HUSBAND? OR A LOVELY HUSBAND? ALTHOUGH ALHAMDULILLAH, I DRESS WELL, BUT I DONT DO IT TO IMPRESS PEOPLE, I DO IT BECAUSE I FEEL COMFORTABLE, AND PEOPLE WHO DRESS TO IMPRESS ESPECIALLY THE MALE SPECIES, LOL MAN! OKAY I ZIP MY MOUTH.
COOKIN WITH MY WIFE?
WELL REALLY, THATS SOMETHING CONSIDERABLE, BECAUSE I DO BELIEVE THAT WOMEN HAVE EQUAL RIGHTS, AS SUCH SHE SHOULDNT BE THERE IN THE KITCHEN THINKING ITS A DUTY, BUT I WOULD HELP HER SOMETIMES, TO SHOW HER THAT THE FAMILY IS GRATEFUL FOR HER SERVICES.
YOURS
AL-HAMZA
You see Al-hamza, I think u have missed the score board here. What Gogannaka said is right. There are certain hadiths that narrated prophet taking bath with his beloved wife. And for you to overtly disprove and/or dispute with Goga is still debatable. One thing you should know is that even the sahabas i.e the malikis, hambalis, hannafis and co said that whatever they said if it contradicts the saying of Allah and teachings of the prophetic traditions, we should do away with their sayings and/or teachings and embrace what the prophet or Allah said based on Quran and hadith. Ala ayya ti halin. However, on thing has to be clear, and it is fundamental to this discourse i.e some of the lifestyle of prophet of Islam have not been taken very seroisly by some tribes and races simply bcos they dont believe that such lifestyles tallies with thier norms or values. But I think all what Goga said is right. It depends on you to go and verify from your Ulamas. Wallahu alimun ya mu'alllim. Ala ayyati halin Wallahu alimun bima ta'amalun. Akulu kauli haza wa'astagfirullaha li walakum
In the very very olden days before the advent of electricity, tarred roads, concrete structures, cars, and many other modern amenities; the days when women were never seen on the streets during daylight hours; when if a woman wanted to go to a naming ceremony, she left her home at the crack of dawn after fajr prayers, and only came back at dusk, in those days, a husband and wife could be married for ten yrs and in broad daylight, they'd pass each other without knowing that they were husband and wife.
The husband leaves wakes up at dawn has his ghusl goes out to pray in the mosque. When he comes back, he doesnt go back indoors but stays out in the soro. Maybe has breakfast sent to him from inside the house, or doesnt have any, but goes about his business for the day. His kids do not know when he leaves because ten to one they are fast asleep, as is the wife, who prays and then decides to get some more shut eye probably. Anyway, he doesnt come back till its around maghrib time. He has his mat brought outside the house where he sits with his chums and cronies until the call for maghrib prayers. Then he prays in congregational prayer in the mosque, and only then visits inside his house. By then the light has faded and his wife has got the smokey aci bal bal on. He probably stays long enough to to bark out an order or two to the hapless woman called his wife and his bare foot kids who only see him as the cat amongst the mice. He then goes out again and has his food brought to him in the majlis of his friends. There they will share the meal communally. Every magidanci with a wife will have his food brought out there and they will eat na gidan wane, then gidan wane and gidan wane , until they have done the rounds of the dishes. Then they will pray isha in congregation, and sit outside till around 9 pm which is considered very late as it is dark everywhere. He then says goodnight to his cronies, and turns in for the night. He enters his house to find that the wife has long gone to bed and the kids also are all asleep. So he also turns in for the night. And so to bed... not knowing what his wife looks like, what his kids looked like, what they did for the day etc......
Eewww!
I believe this still happens but in a modified manner.
Quote from: HUSNAA on December 22, 2007, 07:36:17 PM
In the very very olden days before the advent of electricity, tarred roads, concrete structures, cars, and many other modern amenities; the days when women were never seen on the streets during daylight hours; when if a woman wanted to go to a naming ceremony, she left her home at the crack of dawn after fajr prayers, and only came back at dusk, in those days, a husband and wife could be married for ten yrs and in broad daylight, they'd pass each other without knowing that they were husband and wife.
The husband leaves wakes up at dawn has his ghusl goes out to pray in the mosque. When he comes back, he doesnt go back indoors but stays out in the soro. Maybe has breakfast sent to him from inside the house, or doesnt have any, but goes about his business for the day. His kids do not know when he leaves because ten to one they are fast asleep, as is the wife, who prays and then decides to get some more shut eye probably. Anyway, he doesnt come back till its around maghrib time. He has his mat brought outside the house where he sits with his chums and cronies until the call for maghrib prayers. Then he prays in congregational prayer in the mosque, and only then visits inside his house. By then the light has faded and his wife has got the smokey aci bal bal on. He probably stays long enough to to bark out an order or two to the hapless woman called his wife and his bare foot kids who only see him as the cat amongst the mice. He then goes out again and has his food brought to him in the majlis of his friends. There they will share the meal communally. Every magidanci with a wife will have his food brought out there and they will eat na gidan wane, then gidan wane and gidan wane , until they have done the rounds of the dishes. Then they will pray isha in congregation, and sit outside till around 9 pm which is considered very late as it is dark everywhere. He then says goodnight to his cronies, and turns in for the night. He enters his house to find that the wife has long gone to bed and the kids also are all asleep. So he also turns in for the night. And so to bed... not knowing what his wife looks like, what his kids looked like, what they did for the day etc......
It is in this family way of life that eminent arewa leaders were
brought up, the likes of Sir Ahmadu Bello, Abubakar Tafawa
Balewa, Sir Kashim Ibrahim to mention but a few.
I admire this type of life. :-*
Quote from: HUSNAA on December 22, 2007, 07:36:17 PM
In the very very olden days before the advent of electricity, tarred roads, concrete structures, cars, and many other modern amenities; the days when women were never seen on the streets during daylight hours; when if a woman wanted to go to a naming ceremony, she left her home at the crack of dawn after fajr prayers, and only came back at dusk, in those days, a husband and wife could be married for ten yrs and in broad daylight, they'd pass each other without knowing that they were husband and wife.
The husband leaves wakes up at dawn has his ghusl goes out to pray in the mosque. When he comes back, he doesnt go back indoors but stays out in the soro. Maybe has breakfast sent to him from inside the house, or doesnt have any, but goes about his business for the day. His kids do not know when he leaves because ten to one they are fast asleep, as is the wife, who prays and then decides to get some more shut eye probably. Anyway, he doesnt come back till its around maghrib time. He has his mat brought outside the house where he sits with his chums and cronies until the call for maghrib prayers. Then he prays in congregational prayer in the mosque, and only then visits inside his house. By then the light has faded and his wife has got the smokey aci bal bal on. He probably stays long enough to to bark out an order or two to the hapless woman called his wife and his bare foot kids who only see him as the cat amongst the mice. He then goes out again and has his food brought to him in the majlis of his friends. There they will share the meal communally. Every magidanci with a wife will have his food brought out there and they will eat na gidan wane, then gidan wane and gidan wane , until they have done the rounds of the dishes. Then they will pray isha in congregation, and sit outside till around 9 pm which is considered very late as it is dark everywhere. He then says goodnight to his cronies, and turns in for the night. He enters his house to find that the wife has long gone to bed and the kids also are all asleep. So he also turns in for the night. And so to bed... not knowing what his wife looks like, what his kids looked like, what they did for the day etc......
That was gonna the days my dear. All these things u are talking about are now history. Most of the lifestyles that were lived in those days are hardly obtainable today. Remember, ten yrs back, if one sees his elderly neighbour, for instance, one's father or grandpa carrying a load from home elsewhwre, he/she goes to collect it as a sign of respectand follw the person to the destination. But how many ppl can come to the rescue of thier close associates, neighbours or friends today? So u see how time flies Husnaa. As Goga said, all these things can be and have been modernised in the name of so-called moderntiy and civilisation. Allah ya taimaka.
Quote from: gogannaka on December 23, 2007, 06:50:43 PM
Eewww!
I believe this still happens but in a modified manner.
Can see it happening in our nowadays community, actually. But can you elaborate it more?
Lol guys, I was trying to point out how unromantic the husband was, and u all seemed to have missed the gist of it and cottoned on to the communal way of life back then....which obviously favored the guys, which is why u all sound nostalgic and almost wishing u were a part of that existence lol.... ;D
So if we are to look at the genesis of the Hausa man's lack of a romantic bone in his nature, I'd say this fits the bill perfectly... ko kuwa?
Yes, you've landed very gently Auntin Muhsin. If from
your conclusion, you deduce the unromantic nature of
the man (hausa man), verily, it also goes down with the
woman.
I remember those days you narrated, a lady going to her
husband's house on the eve of the day, an old woman
will be summoned to see her in a private room. Guess
what? the bride will be told to be very serious and not
even smile at her husband, because that smile shine
zai jawo mata raini. Kada ki yarda kiyi wasa da shi and
mother of all, never complain to him on whatever issue.
Go to bed early, and no matter how he tries to tourch
you dont allow him (that is why, those days, you have
to be well prepared before you go to your brides room
for the first night is a battle night - ko kai - ko ita, one
of you must sustain (innjuries & bruises).
The old woman will proceed by programming the young
bride that "namiji ba dan goyo da zani bani" so whatever
the situation never trust him or give him your heart.
If you are sick, just send someone to call me, dont inform
your husband.
The programming language goes on and on. That is how
our women inherit the unromantic whatever.
Lol! @DB, baka da dama, ina kajiyo wannan hudubar that supposedly mothers are given to their newly wed daughters ??? ??? ;D ;D
Wai! Wata sabuwa ke nan DB.
This is really new.
Ina ruwan kalubale ;D
Quote from: Dan-Borno on December 23, 2007, 07:03:20 PM
Quote from: HUSNAA on December 22, 2007, 07:36:17 PM
In the very very olden days before the advent of electricity, tarred roads, concrete structures, cars, and many other modern amenities; the days when women were never seen on the streets during daylight hours; when if a woman wanted to go to a naming ceremony, she left her home at the crack of dawn after fajr prayers, and only came back at dusk, in those days, a husband and wife could be married for ten yrs and in broad daylight, they'd pass each other without knowing that they were husband and wife.
The husband leaves wakes up at dawn has his ghusl goes out to pray in the mosque. When he comes back, he doesnt go back indoors but stays out in the soro. Maybe has breakfast sent to him from inside the house, or doesnt have any, but goes about his business for the day. His kids do not know when he leaves because ten to one they are fast asleep, as is the wife, who prays and then decides to get some more shut eye probably. Anyway, he doesnt come back till its around maghrib time. He has his mat brought outside the house where he sits with his chums and cronies until the call for maghrib prayers. Then he prays in congregational prayer in the mosque, and only then visits inside his house. By then the light has faded and his wife has got the smokey aci bal bal on. He probably stays long enough to to bark out an order or two to the hapless woman called his wife and his bare foot kids who only see him as the cat amongst the mice. He then goes out again and has his food brought to him in the majlis of his friends. There they will share the meal communally. Every magidanci with a wife will have his food brought out there and they will eat na gidan wane, then gidan wane and gidan wane , until they have done the rounds of the dishes. Then they will pray isha in congregation, and sit outside till around 9 pm which is considered very late as it is dark everywhere. He then says goodnight to his cronies, and turns in for the night. He enters his house to find that the wife has long gone to bed and the kids also are all asleep. So he also turns in for the night. And so to bed... not knowing what his wife looks like, what his kids looked like, what they did for the day etc......
It is in this family way of life that eminent arewa leaders were
brought up, the likes of Sir Ahmadu Bello, Abubakar Tafawa
Balewa, Sir Kashim Ibrahim to mention but a few.
I admire this type of life. :-*
Haba DB what is there to admire in this kind of lifestyle.
Where you barely know your own Family.
Inaaaa...da sake.
Quote from: gogannaka on December 28, 2007, 08:41:00 AM
Haba DB what is there to admire in this kind of lifestyle. Where you barely know your own Family.
Inaaaa...da sake.
I am surprised to hear this from you my co-friend,
we are talking about way of life. In the former,
things are going normal, life has been so good and
very interesting, people from other world so much
admire our sense of intelligence and mode of life.
Now we are adopt(ing) the late life, things have
started changing in the opposite direction.
My grandmother is alive and she always narrate her
own version of the story when ever she came to my
house and see me seated with my wive(s), that
you children of nowadays dont even have respect
to your husbands, how dare you sit on the same
couch with your husband?
She used to say narrate the same story Husnaa
quoted. Wannan zaman aure ne, its is purely a
religious duty and must be maintained with such
seriousness. The trend of divorce is raising on daily
basis - what do you think is the problem?
Now you think taking your wife to Oasis or Mr. Bigs
or eating Dinner at Pounded Yam & Co will keep the
marriage strong and stronger - common be a man
mana.
Quote from: Dan-Borno on December 23, 2007, 07:03:20 PM
Quote from: HUSNAA on December 22, 2007, 07:36:17 PM
In the very very olden days before the advent of electricity, tarred roads, concrete structures, cars, and many other modern amenities; the days when women were never seen on the streets during daylight hours; when if a woman wanted to go to a naming ceremony, she left her home at the crack of dawn after fajr prayers, and only came back at dusk, in those days, a husband and wife could be married for ten yrs and in broad daylight, they'd pass each other without knowing that they were....
It is in this family way of life that eminent arewa leaders were
brought up, the likes of Sir Ahmadu Bello, Abubakar Tafawa
Balewa, Sir Kashim Ibrahim to mention but a few.
I admire this type of life. :-*
Nagode mutumin ;D 8) You beat me to it.
Quote from: gogannaka on December 28, 2007, 08:41:00 AM
Haba DB what is there to admire in this kind of lifestyle.
Where you barely know your own Family.
Inaaaa...da sake.
So tell me.. has our family-value system improved or plummeted since we decide to "adopt" the westernized, straight-out-of-hollywood notion of romance?
I say, bring back the old days!!!
Quote from: HUSNAA on December 24, 2007, 05:58:23 PM
Lol guys, I was trying to point out how unromantic the husband was, and u all seemed to have missed the gist of it and cottoned on to the communal way of life back then....which obviously favored the guys, which is why u all sound nostalgic and almost wishing u were a part of that existence lol.... ;D
So if we are to look at the genesis of the Hausa man's lack of a romantic bone in his nature, I'd say this fits the bill perfectly... ko kuwa?
But young lady didnt see where you mentioned the wife being romantic here. so i guess the 'thing' here is mutual. if it favoured only the hubbies,where the h**L did those kids pop out from ???. To be frank i would always go for what my lady up there said. the process has to be both ways. If you have a husband (like me ;D) who would join his wife in taking in sand when she's pregnant, tell her she looks gorgeous even when she looks like a whale, follows her to her pre-natal clinics to appreciate what shes going through, has it at the the back of his mind that no lady has 'enough' clothes......tells her INA SON KI SOSAI (ummita will love this part) more than a million times a week.....tell me which one of you ladies would have course to complain and not reciprocate?
Quote from: HUSNAA on December 24, 2007, 05:58:23 PM
Lol guys, I was trying to point out how unromantic the husband was, and u all seemed to have missed the gist of it and cottoned on to the communal way of life back then....which obviously favored the guys, which is why u all sound nostalgic and almost wishing u were a part of that existence lol.... ;D
So if we are to look at the genesis of the Hausa man's lack of a romantic bone in his nature, I'd say this fits the bill perfectly... ko kuwa?
Ah haba? But why wont they have a lack of romantic bone in their nature when the woman where extravagantly shy? lol...you come for zance and she stands behind the door or 3 yards apart, you finish your speech and all she does is smiling and playing with the end of her rapper or her toes...lol or worst answering simply "uhm" with an annoiying grin that makes the man not to be able to create any more dialogues anymore...lol...ko bahaka bane DB, zamani kun ne ko? and why do you keep refering to Her as Antin Muhsin? its confusing!!!
Quote from: *~MuDaCriS~* on December 28, 2007, 08:24:33 PM
Quote from: HUSNAA on December 24, 2007, 05:58:23 PM
Lol guys, I was trying to point out how unromantic the husband was, and u all seemed to have missed the gist of it and cottoned on to the communal way of life back then....which obviously favored the guys, which is why u all sound nostalgic and almost wishing u were a part of that existence lol.... ;D
So if we are to look at the genesis of the Hausa man's lack of a romantic bone in his nature, I'd say this fits the bill perfectly... ko kuwa?
Ah haba? But why wont they have a lack of romantic bone in their nature when the woman where extravagantly shy? lol...you come for zance and she stands behind the door or 3 yards apart, you finish your speech and all she does is smiling and playing with the end of her rapper or her toes...lol or worst answering simply "uhm" with an annoiying grin that makes the man not to be able to create any more dialogues anymore...lol...ko bahaka bane DB, zamani kun ne ko? and why do you keep refering to Her as Antin Muhsin? its confusing!!!
Assalamu alaikum,
Muda, I am still convince that staying 3 yards apart is better than 'NO GAP', etc. Ko me ka gani Mallam? Allah Ya shirye mu a-miyn.
Let us also a draw broad and distinct line between 'Courtship and Marriage' situations, then refresh ourselves with the question at hand: Are we romantic?
LOL...Engineer kenan, when did i mention 'No Gap'? i havent, i just dont like the 3 yard zance thing, it wasnt written anywhere in the sahih Hadiths that you should stay 3 yards apart during courtship.
And to clear further you claim about the line between 'Courtship and Marriage' situations, with regards to the post, well i thought that the topic is Are We Romantic? there was no any specification as to in what category and if there was, i bet you rather find out the romantic aspect of your bride to be before its too late ko? ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: *~MuDaCriS~* on December 29, 2007, 09:48:05 PM
LOL...Engineer kenan, when did i mention 'No Gap'? i havent, i just dont like the 3 yard zance thing, it wasnt written anywhere in the sahih Hadiths that you should stay 3 yards apart during courtship.
Quite right Muda. What is recommended is a third party to be present, otherwise the other third party would be Shaytan. Like Sheikh Sajid Umar Ahmed keeps saying, u may trust yr son or daughter but u can never trust shaytan!
Quote from: *~MuDaCriS~* on December 29, 2007, 09:48:05 PMI bet you rather find out the romantic aspect of your bride to be before its too late ko?[/color] ;D ;D ;D
Not necessarily Muda, and not advisable for the ladies. Most men go after the qualities of chastity and modesty in a girl after being enamoured with her charms, i.e. her youthfulness mostly or smooth skin or beautiful face. As they dont know much of her other characteristics and are not likely to truly know till after the nikaa, the only thing for a girl is to not be too brash, or outspoken. She tends to scare them off. if she yields to her romantic inclinations, she makes the guy begin to have second thoughts about her being brand new and not out of the leda yet. You know the double hypocritical standards of our societies.. what's good for the gander is not good for the goose, when we all know its not good for the gander either, but as there are no tangible consequences for the gander, it becomes quite OK.
Anyway a very good unromantic advice for all those would be brides and grooms.. insist on tests before marriage. These days some marriages are nothing but death traps.
So true, Husnaa. So true
In our society over here a girls who is free with her favours is a "slut" or a "slapper" but the guy who enjoys them is " one of the boys " or a "great guy" or a ""ladies man " and is envied.
One rule for the goose.................................
another for the gander.... ;)
Quote from: HUSNAA on December 30, 2007, 11:02:48 AM
Anyway a very good unromantic advice for all those would be brides and grooms.. insist on tests before marriage. These days some marriages are nothing but death traps.
Killerjoy!!! ::) But yeah, you're right.
Wai da gaske ne after a year or so of the marriage the sweet romance just disappears?
I was discussing marriage with a friend and we came to the househelp topic.
He said that as far as he's concerned there's no need for a househelp when its just two of you.Agreed.
Then came the hadith that the prophet SAW never provided a househelp to A'isha.That she even requested but was given some supplication to do which would give her the strength to carry out her home duties.
Is anyone aware if the Prophet provided a househelp to any of his wives?
Quote from: gogannaka on January 04, 2008, 08:29:53 AM
Wai da gaske ne after a year or so of the marriage the sweet romance just disappears?
That is the general rule brother - welcome to the extra mural classes.
Quote from: gogannaka on January 04, 2008, 08:29:53 AM
Then came the hadith that the prophet SAW never provided a househelp to A'isha.That she even requested but was given some supplication to do which would give her the strength to carry out her home duties.
Is anyone aware if the Prophet provided a househelp to any of his wives?
Assalamu alaikum,
Was it Aishat (RA) or Fatimah (RA)?
Quote from: EMTL on January 04, 2008, 11:27:18 AM
Quote from: gogannaka on January 04, 2008, 08:29:53 AM
Then came the hadith that the prophet SAW never provided a househelp to A'isha.That she even requested but was given some supplication to do which would give her the strength to carry out her home duties.
Is anyone aware if the Prophet provided a househelp to any of his wives?
Assalamu alaikum,
Was it Aishat (RA) or Fatimah (RA)?
It was Fatimah RA who came and told the prophet that she needed a househelp because of all the chores she was having to do. So the prophet said to her: should I tell you what is better than that? and she answered to the affirmative and he told her to go and recite subhanAllah, walhamdu lillah wala ilaha illallaHu walAllahu Akbar.
I think that was the dhikr that the prophet gave her. I cant remember though. Been a long time since I read that hadeeth.
Quote from: gogannaka on January 04, 2008, 08:29:53 AM
Wai da gaske ne after a year or so of the marriage the sweet romance just disappears?
I was discussing marriage with a friend and we came to the househelp topic.
He said that as far as he's concerned there's no need for a househelp when its just two of you.Agreed.
Then came the hadith that the prophet SAW never provided a househelp to A'isha.That she even requested but was given some supplication to do which would give her the strength to carry out her home duties.
Is anyone aware if the Prophet provided a househelp to any of his wives?
No the prophet never provided any househelp to any of his wives. This I think was for several reasons. It was the prophet's aqueda to live the simplest of lives since for him, this world held no great shakes (no shakes at all vecause ts worth is less than the wing of a mosquito in Allah's Reckoning). He considered himself a traveller. He even gave an analogy in one hadeeth when he was asked why his sleeping mat was made of spiked rushes, and he said something to the effect of a traveller not needing to put down roots (my own words of the hadeeth not the prophets, cos I cant remember the exact words and I dont have any books on hadeeth with me at the moment.
The prophet's humbleness was a condition emulated by his wives and the ppl around him. Besides the prophet's household was such that days would go without a fire being lighted for the preparation of a meal.
But it doesnt mean that u shouldnt provide yr wife with a househelp GGNK when u get married. Remember yr level of taqwa can never match that of the companions of the prophet or his wives. Besides its not haram or bad. The prophet never said it was; he only gave his daughter a better alternative.
Quote from: gogannaka on January 04, 2008, 08:29:53 AM
Wai da gaske ne after a year or so of the marriage the sweet romance just disappears?
Unfortunately, yes GGNK. Uc, being attracted and falling in love with a person is a way of bringing two ppl together to procreate.. add to humanity and the gene pool. Marriage was made a pre requisite to that, so that a stable and structured society is formed and built upon. Once you fall in love and get married, then the aim of being in love has been achieved. So it disappears. Love itself is just a set of chemical pheromones that come into effect when they happen to be in the vicinity of someone with a compatible set of pheromones, so that a reaction occurs. This reaction cant be sustained because like some other things it is subject to entrophy and the law of diminishing returns. The good news is that it can get replaced by something better than the highs and lows of that intense physical attraction. This is only so if you happen to find the right life partner and that is when this beautiful ayat comes into effect which says:
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect". Suratul Rum aya 21.
The sort of love that comes into effect is one in which understanding, traquillity, need, companionship contentment and a sense of purpose take over.
Mind you with today's world as it is and has become, this has become a utopian dream ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: Dan-Borno on January 04, 2008, 09:11:51 AM
Quote from: gogannaka on January 04, 2008, 08:29:53 AM
Wai da gaske ne after a year or so of the marriage the sweet romance just disappears?
That is the general rule brother - welcome to the extra mural classes.
Gaya masa gaskiya dai ya ji, alan gubro. Gara ya shirya kafin ya shigo shima ya ji yadda ake ji ;D
I'd remained purposely mute because I was under an impression that such discussion was not comprehensively for young adult like me, is it? ??? ::) Yes, eh? But after spending long time of reading its pages I discover I too can say a word or more here and would perhaphs make sense.
Well...I can boldly announce Hausas are not so romantic but the are romantic.
Quote from: Muhsin on January 07, 2008, 01:02:24 PM
I'd remained purposely mute because I was under an impression that such discussion was not comprehensively for young adult like me, is it? ??? ::) Yes, eh? But after spending long time of reading its pages I discover I too can say a word or more here and would perhaphs make sense.
Well...I can boldly announce Hausas are not so romantic but the are romantic.
In so far as your thoughts do the interaction here, then there is no such thing as a young adult on this forum. your thoughts are a formation of yr mind working. the mind unlike the physical body is ageless. So if u have anything to say, feel free to say it and dont act coy. No one will think the worse of you for voicing your opinions (as long as they are not seditious libelous or dirty).
Gaskiyane Aunty. If what you said wasn't true then there was no Muhsin at KanoOnline Online Forum because...you knew it. I been here for more about years or so since I didn't know how to write accessible and readable English, how to operate computer properly (eg how to quote when replying, to bold names, underline word, etc), how to do many things. But you people endure it and always intract with me as we are almost the same in terms of age, education, status, etc. You said nothing but a PLAIN FACT and many thanks for the approach.
Quote from: EMTL on January 04, 2008, 11:27:18 AM
Quote from: gogannaka on January 04, 2008, 08:29:53 AM
Then came the hadith that the prophet SAW never provided a househelp to A'isha.That she even requested but was given some supplication to do which would give her the strength to carry out her home duties.
Is anyone aware if the Prophet provided a househelp to any of his wives?
Assalamu alaikum,
Was it Aishat (RA) or Fatimah (RA)?
Sorry..i meant Aisha.
But it is the duty of the Husband not Father to provide a househelp ko?
Quote from: HUSNAA"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect". Suratul Rum aya 21.
The sort of love that comes into effect is one in which understanding, traquillity, need, companionship contentment and a sense of purpose take over.
Mind you with today's world as it is and has become, this has become a utopian dream Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin
You are not giving me courage at all.
You too DB and BKG
Quote from: gogannaka on January 07, 2008, 05:54:13 PM
You are not giving me courage at all.
You too DB and BKG
Allah Sarki abokina, you won't understand how this marriage
of a thing works, continue reading your hadith books and
arguments about wether to bring "boyi boyi or not", after ur
marriage, you will be running the house off-the-manual.
SAI KAYI GOGANNAKA
Quote from: Dan-Borno on January 07, 2008, 07:03:23 PM
Allah Sarki abokina, you won't understand how this marriage
of a thing works, continue reading your hadith books and
arguments about wether to bring "boyi boyi or not", after ur
marriage, you will be running the house off-the-manual.
SAI KAYI GOGANNAKA
Kai Km Bornoye! U fit kill pesin with laughter Wallahi ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
lallai ka cika masanin al'amuran zaman takewa!!!!
Auntyn Muhsin, you surely know what i mean, because
there are times you dont operate by the manual ko?
Kin san idan mutum is about to get married, he will be
reading all the hadith about marriages and every Qur'anic
verse he can lay his hands on about marriage. Suddenly
after the marriage kuma!!!!!!!! 8)
LOL dont tell them what you know Auntyn Muhsin :-X
Quote from: Dan-Borno on January 07, 2008, 07:16:28 PM
Auntyn Muhsin, you surely know what i mean, because
there are times you dont operate by the manual ko?
LOL dont tell them what you know Auntyn Muhsin :-X
Lol DB i dont even know the manual so there is nothing to tell ;D ;D ;D ;D
Three things a musulunchi are left open subject to the issue at hand and the individual.
Meaning that there are no in depth hukunche hukunche on these matters.But there are guidelines.
Babu wata manual da za ta baka shawara kan abun da za kayi if a situation arises.Your wisdom is all that matters.
These issues are:
1- Aure
2- Kasuwanchi
3- Mulki
Well EMTL has some kind of a manual for aure, ...lol just kidding, but he wrote a book about maariage in islam, it encompases everything from courtship to marriage in islam, contact him, i've already gotten mine..heheheh ;D ;D
Good on EMTL!!
Muda, ba girin girin ba!...... lets see some actions
coming out of what you read.
Quote from: *~MuDa~* on January 09, 2008, 05:49:29 PM
Well EMTL has some kind of a manual for aure, ...lol just kidding, but he wrote a book about maariage in islam, it encompases everything from courtship to marriage in islam, contact him, i've already gotten mine..heheheh ;D ;D
Mune shagirai (bachelors), thus I hope I could get my own copy so there I'll learn how to...when our time comes, ko ba hakaba? I'll contact him inshaAllah.
I think we can all be romantic if we could just get that romantic partner.
I also think hausa men tend to be romantic with women of other tribes.You see them going out for dinners etc,even holding hands in public.Which you wouldnt catch them doing to their hausa wives.
Ni dai na karanta soo many M&B novels that i have a different perspective of what love,romance is or should be.Kuma dai na san soo many of us teenagers read them.but gaskiya ba haka bane.Imagine when hes travelling and you escort him to the airport and sai ya baki hug before boarding.Sai ma ku zama abun kallo.But not sauran kabilun.Mu dai hausawa kam.Ko a gida ma naji malam dai idan ya shigo gida ba romance.Sai dai at nite ya zo ya ce toh salamu alaikum,Hajiya bude a yi sunnah!
So i heard.
That is quite true precious.
Here is an article a friend sent to me. It might relate to the issue discussed:
Love Your Husband Even
When He Drives You Crazy
Whitney Hopler
It doesn't take long after you've been married to discover that the man of
your dreams is far from perfect and that marriage is much harder than you'd
ever imagined. When marriage's demands push at you, it can feel like your
husband is driving you crazy. But, no matter how you feel, if you choose to
act in love toward your husband, you'll start to see your marriage change
for the better.
Here's how you can love your husband – even when he drives you crazy –
and start to enjoy a better marriage as a result:
Act the best with the one you love most. Instead of giving your husband
the worst of your behavior because you take him for granted (while you're
on your best behavior with other people), decide to give him the best. Don't
allow everyday frustrations and irritations to cause tension in the way you
interact with your husband. Determine that, no matter what, you'll try to
speak kindly to him and treat him well. Choose to communicate your
affection for your husband through your words and actions on a regular
basis. Let him know that you appreciate and admire him.
Fight fairly. Expect to experience conflicts with your husband; that's a
normal part of any healthy relationship. Know that it's okay to disagree
with him – but when you do, you need to handle the conflict in ways that
honor God and each other. Get real with each other, speaking honestly
about what's at the root of your conflicts. But express yourself in
appropriate ways, without avoiding each other in sullen resentment,
screaming at each other, or demeaning each other. Instead, show respect
for each other. Instead of letting anger control you, use your anger to
motivate you to seek mutually agreeable solutions to problems. Choose
your battles; be willing to let some things go when arguing about them
just isn't worthwhile.
Give him the respect he needs. Understand that all men have a deep
need for respect, so do your best to give your husband respect. Make a
decision to do so simply because God calls you to, even if you don't think
your husband deserves it. Rather than making assumptions about your
husband's motives or behavior, discuss your concerns with him. Always
be willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maintain his privacy by
refraining from sharing potentially embarrassing information about him
with others. Give him the emotional space he needs to resolve conflicts.
When talking with him, pay attention to your tone of voice, body language,
word choices, and timing to make sure they're respectful.
Accept the gender differences between you and your husband.
Instead of expecting your husband to relate to you as a woman would,
recognize that he has a different natural way of communicating. Know that
men often focus on facts rather than feelings, and try to solve problems
rather than empathize. Ask God to help you accept and love your husband
as He does – unconditionally. Choose to love your husband rather than
seeking love, and decide to try to understand him instead of trying to get
him to understand you. Trust that, in the process, God will use your
marriage to help you grow into a stronger person. Appreciate the different
perspective that your husband brings to your marriage, and make time to
listen and consider his views regularly.
Get rid of Prince Charming. Forget the mistaken idea that your husband
should like a perfect prince ready to rescue you from all your troubles and
meet all your needs. Realize that he is just what God made him to be – a
regular guy who's your companion through life. Let go of your unrealistic
expectations. Instead of turning to your husband for your happiness,
strength, and security, depend on the only One who can truly provide
that – God. Make sure that God is your top priority; give your greatest love
and devotion to Him alone. Release your husband from the pressure of
having to live up to impossible expectations and give him the freedom to
be who he is. Remember that, as an imperfect human being, your husband
will sometimes fail you, but you can always count on God.
Move beyond a stalled relationship. If you're not seeing the growth you
hope to see in your relationship, don't nag your husband about it. Instead,
ask God to show you the ways in which you need to change yourself, and
focus on your own personal growth. Know that, while you can't change your
husband, you can change the dynamic of your marriage if you change
yourself. Pray for forgiveness for any contempt you have for your husband.
Rather than lecturing your husband about concerns you have about him,
pray for the wisdom to know what to say, and when and how to say it best.
Redefine romance. Recognize that true romance isn't about fancy
dinners or chocolate, beautiful jewelry or flowers, or a glamorous trip to a
secluded island – it's all about unconditional love in a covenant commitment.
Seek to create a love story between you and your husband that only the
two of you know – one that builds intimacy through both good and bad
times, and keeps getting more and more exciting because you keep
learning more and more about each other, no matter how long you've been
married. If your husband is steady, reliable, honest, and true, be grateful
for him, realizing that such qualities are much more romantic than a man
who gives you glamorous gifts but can't be counted on to be there for you
no matter what. Keep up a love affair with your husband for the rest of
your lives together, expressing your affection in fresh ways every day.
Be willing to yield. Instead of just plowing ahead with your own agenda
when you and your husband face decisions, choose to consider your
husband's needs before your own. Realize that by being unselfish and
loving, you'll help create a marriage that will bless you as well. Understand
that it's not your husband asking you to yield in your marriage; it's God.
Decide to honor God by pursuing His design of mutual submission in
marriage. Trust that God knows what's best for both you and your husband.
Seek and follow His will.
To be continued!!!
Quote from: Venom on December 05, 2003, 02:13:36 PM
gogannaka I do agree with u on the foreplay issue cause i read a book on islamic sex and it did say u should play with ur wife b4 and after u have sex. But on the issue of having a bath with ur wife I am not sure how u r ment 2 do it cause in the book it did say that both parties r not suppose 2 see each others gentiles, so I guess there only way that I see that is feasible 2 have a bath with ur wife would be 2 have it in the dark.
This issue of fore play is categorically stressed in the holy Qur'an and some ahadith also do same e.g Qur'an says " NISA'A KUM HARTHUN LAKUM FAATU HARTHA KUM ANNA SHI'I TUM
WA QADDIMU LI AMFUSIKUM" meaning that 'your wives are tour farms, enter your farms the way you so wishes and introduces to yourselves' and hadith says 'dont go to your wives as the dogs go to theirs' in this case you can see how fore play is not only allowed but instructed to be done.
Quote from: gogannaka on January 11, 2008, 02:49:17 AM
That is quite true precious.
Here is an article a friend sent to me. It might relate to the issue discussed:
Love Your Husband Even
When He Drives You Crazy
Whitney Hopler
It doesn't take long after you've been married to discover that the man of
your dreams is far from perfect and that marriage is much harder than you'd
ever imagined. When marriage's demands push at you, it can feel like your
husband is driving you crazy. But, no matter how you feel, if you choose to
act in love toward your husband, you'll start to see your marriage change
for the better.
Here's how you can love your husband – even when he drives you crazy –
and start to enjoy a better marriage as a result:
Act the best with the one you love most. Instead of giving your husband
the worst of your behavior because you take him for granted (while you're
on your best behavior with other people), decide to give him the best. Don't
allow everyday frustrations and irritations to cause tension in the way you
interact with your husband. Determine that, no matter what, you'll try to
speak kindly to him and treat him well. Choose to communicate your
affection for your husband through your words and actions on a regular
basis. Let him know that you appreciate and admire him.
Fight fairly. Expect to experience conflicts with your husband; that's a
normal part of any healthy relationship. Know that it's okay to disagree
with him – but when you do, you need to handle the conflict in ways that
honor God and each other. Get real with each other, speaking honestly
about what's at the root of your conflicts. But express yourself in
appropriate ways, without avoiding each other in sullen resentment,
screaming at each other, or demeaning each other. Instead, show respect
for each other. Instead of letting anger control you, use your anger to
motivate you to seek mutually agreeable solutions to problems. Choose
your battles; be willing to let some things go when arguing about them
just isn't worthwhile.
Give him the respect he needs. Understand that all men have a deep
need for respect, so do your best to give your husband respect. Make a
decision to do so simply because God calls you to, even if you don't think
your husband deserves it. Rather than making assumptions about your
husband's motives or behavior, discuss your concerns with him. Always
be willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maintain his privacy by
refraining from sharing potentially embarrassing information about him
with others. Give him the emotional space he needs to resolve conflicts.
When talking with him, pay attention to your tone of voice, body language,
word choices, and timing to make sure they're respectful.
Accept the gender differences between you and your husband.
Instead of expecting your husband to relate to you as a woman would,
recognize that he has a different natural way of communicating. Know that
men often focus on facts rather than feelings, and try to solve problems
rather than empathize. Ask God to help you accept and love your husband
as He does – unconditionally. Choose to love your husband rather than
seeking love, and decide to try to understand him instead of trying to get
him to understand you. Trust that, in the process, God will use your
marriage to help you grow into a stronger person. Appreciate the different
perspective that your husband brings to your marriage, and make time to
listen and consider his views regularly.
Get rid of Prince Charming. Forget the mistaken idea that your husband
should like a perfect prince ready to rescue you from all your troubles and
meet all your needs. Realize that he is just what God made him to be – a
regular guy who's your companion through life. Let go of your unrealistic
expectations. Instead of turning to your husband for your happiness,
strength, and security, depend on the only One who can truly provide
that – God. Make sure that God is your top priority; give your greatest love
and devotion to Him alone. Release your husband from the pressure of
having to live up to impossible expectations and give him the freedom to
be who he is. Remember that, as an imperfect human being, your husband
will sometimes fail you, but you can always count on God.
Move beyond a stalled relationship. If you're not seeing the growth you
hope to see in your relationship, don't nag your husband about it. Instead,
ask God to show you the ways in which you need to change yourself, and
focus on your own personal growth. Know that, while you can't change your
husband, you can change the dynamic of your marriage if you change
yourself. Pray for forgiveness for any contempt you have for your husband.
Rather than lecturing your husband about concerns you have about him,
pray for the wisdom to know what to say, and when and how to say it best.
Redefine romance. Recognize that true romance isn't about fancy
dinners or chocolate, beautiful jewelry or flowers, or a glamorous trip to a
secluded island – it's all about unconditional love in a covenant commitment.
Seek to create a love story between you and your husband that only the
two of you know – one that builds intimacy through both good and bad
times, and keeps getting more and more exciting because you keep
learning more and more about each other, no matter how long you've been
married. If your husband is steady, reliable, honest, and true, be grateful
for him, realizing that such qualities are much more romantic than a man
who gives you glamorous gifts but can't be counted on to be there for you
no matter what. Keep up a love affair with your husband for the rest of
your lives together, expressing your affection in fresh ways every day.
Be willing to yield. Instead of just plowing ahead with your own agenda
when you and your husband face decisions, choose to consider your
husband's needs before your own. Realize that by being unselfish and
loving, you'll help create a marriage that will bless you as well. Understand
that it's not your husband asking you to yield in your marriage; it's God.
Decide to honor God by pursuing His design of mutual submission in
marriage. Trust that God knows what's best for both you and your husband.
Seek and follow His will.
To be continued!!!
Lol Gogannaka ai this is a one sided affair!! The burden of keeping the marriage falls on the wife..... If a husband drives his wife crazy there is no way there will be love between them, no matter how many times she practices the afore mentioned advices.. it just doesnt work like that!! If u can't change an irresponsible man, u may stay with him, but how can u love him?? This is something written by A MAN for women.. its not a WOMAN who wrote the above.. we are far too practical for the above whimsies!!
Man and Woman relationships kenan! Go on educating us until we learn the game to enable us bring four wives into our houses! ;D
Quote from: waduz on January 11, 2008, 12:46:17 PM
Man and Woman relationships kenan! Go on educating us until we learn the game to enable us bring four wives into our houses! ;D
Mata hudu?:o
A zamanin nan?
Lallai daukar dala da gammo kenan!
Kayi wa asusu kyakkyawar tanadi kenan!!
Goga? Kana son maganar gaskiya? Wallahi duk ka bar wadannan karance-karancen littattafan koyar da romance, ko zaman aure da sauransu. Magana daya ce kawai - Hakuri, kai zuciya nesa da kokarin yin adalici a koyaushe. Shi ne kawai yake rike aure. Musamman Hakuri, Hakuri.
@ Auntyn Muhsin's statement:
I hope this doesnt imply 'gudun talauci'?, because we
equally have on the opposite side those who have
excess money but they are single, and on most
occasions, with a wife and a son/daughter ONLY.
NB
Excess means an amount or quantity beyond what is considered
proper, usual, or sufficient.
Bakangizo, ka fadi gaskiya, i think this is the botton of
the statement.
Quote from: Dan-Borno on January 11, 2008, 03:43:37 PM
NB
Excess means an amount or quantity beyond what is considered
proper, usual, or sufficient.
Dan Borno, iam not married to four but i bet you, there is no way on this earth that one can be romantic to all four wives equally, mark my word.
Dont you ever make mistake of questioning your faith
Muda, this is the belief we were raised to uphold -
mark my words also.
Quote from: *~MuDa~* on January 11, 2008, 05:25:37 PM
Quote from: Dan-Borno on January 11, 2008, 03:43:37 PM
NB
Excess means an amount or quantity beyond what is considered
proper, usual, or sufficient.
Dan Borno, iam not married to four but i bet you, there is no way on this earth that one can be romantic to all four wives equally, mark my word.
Assalamu alaikum,
Mallam Muda, How many wives do you have? If you have less than two you may not be in good position to make balanced comments about how 'Romantic men can be.'
The Holy Prophet (SAW) has multiple wives and was very just and effectionate to all his wives. If one has good intentions Allah (SWT) shall guide him and give him the capacity to manage his family affairs. There are many people having only one wife and yet.....
The theory of marriage life is, from what i can deduce, mind you I can be wrong is:
1. When you are a Bachelor - you know nothing but pretend to know everything, That kind of ' I have arrived feeling' guys have when they finished writing a NECO or GCE exam?,
2. Those having one wife are like people that have obtained a first degree, a long way to go if you want to be a 'Don', i reckon,
3. Those with two (2) wives have obtained a 'masters degree' in family management,
4. You gets a PhD when you marry of upto 4, give out daugther in marriage or take a young lady, of your daughters' age as Amarya. This person can manage every crisis in life.
Just Ponder at the following narrated by Said bin Jubair (RA) who said, Ibn 'Abbas (RA) asked me, "Are you married?" I replied, "No." He said, "Marry, for the best person of this nation (Muslim Umma) of all other Muslims (i.e., Muhammad [PBUH]), had the largest number of wives."
I want to read your reactions.
Amma Labari:
Wani Dan barno ne wani abokinsa ya burge shi, yaji dadi, sai yace masa: 'Da ace ina da mata biyu da na baka daya'. Sai abokin ya ce: 'haba Alangubro ashe matar daya ce kawai?' Dan barno sai yace, ' an gaya maka dayan ma akwai ne?'
;D ;D ;D ;D Engineer, ashe kai ma wani Goni ne.
Ba komai, we will meet sometime somewhere, ramakon
gayya sai yafi na gayya zafi.
@ DanBorno and EMTL. It seems you guys really got me very wrong. I never said it is impossible to be able to manage four wives, i said it is very impossible to be romantic to all four equally. The romantic ideas of one wife is higher or lesser than the other, in this case what will you do if one wife is not too romantic? will you shun her and be more romantic to the others? You can manage them and treat them equally, but you can not love them equally because first of al, it is only natural to have preference on all the things of the world and such our wives are not an exception, even among your own children you have the one you prefer than the others deep in your heart. So you see what i mean my friends! :D
Quote from: *~MuDa~* on January 11, 2008, 07:52:47 PM
@ DanBorno and EMTL. It seems you guys really got me very wrong. i said it is very impossible to be romantic to all four equally.
MAY GOD PUT YOU IN HEAVEN
Quote from: *~MuDa~* on January 11, 2008, 07:52:47 PM
@ i said it is very impossible to be romantic to all four equally:D
Assalamu alaikum,
Muda,
Here, I agree with you. Because thats what Allah (SWT) said in the Glorious Qur'an.
Quote from: ummita on January 12, 2008, 05:06:16 PM
Quote from: *~MuDa~* on January 11, 2008, 07:52:47 PM
It seems you guys really got me very wrong. i said it is very impossible to be romantic to all four equally.
MAY GOD PUT YOU IN HEAVEN
Mudah, u stimulated a post out of me. Equality 'red tape' in polygamous household is something u will never, never, never, never, never, never and ever find in a "MAN" of today's world. A man who will demonstrate just & equal management on all four wives? One must have his/her head up in clouds. Equality amongst all four wives is a thing of narrated verses from ancient books, time when prehistory had it that most men of God were loyal to their wives. But if today's man will beat his chest and say he can exercise equality, I will have to say: pls quit the frolics!!!
Check on it: Friend of mine is the 3rd wife of a man with 4 wives. Though the nincompoop of a husband as my freind claimed, is even the one letting all hell loose in his household. He scandalizes is home by carrying ill talks from one room to another. He will tell my friend she is the best wife and the one he likes business globe trotting with, coz all the other wives carry their children along & that they don't know how to dress to impress him and are not as educated as her. Her house girl will rumor this to the house girl's of either wives & before you know it, my friend is ringing to inform me that Tremaine name we gave (the 1st wife) and her 2 daughters: Anastisia and Drizella, (the other two wives) have ganged up again on my friend (who is the cindrella)!
So my definition of equality between a man to his four wives is this: As you come trough that door after work, if you smile 32 teeth to Uwargida, and you smiled at Amarya but only 30 teeth came into display, to me........its inequality!!! And if my definition is immoral, my ethical credence is also that there can be no impregnable evidence of fairness in today's polygamous family! It is a thing of the past! Who disagrees?
SAIDAI KUMA WANI IKON ALLAH SUBHANA WATA'ALA
We keep playin ping-pong on this thread despite a lot of its accuracies, but one things for sure, I do not lubricate gender politics however, if I believe: man is right about so and so & woman is wrong, I will make my point clear & if: woman is off beam, vis a viz! But dis to men: regardless of ur lust of always wanting to be significantly correct; is it not also accurate that d reason y some of u r not romantic is coz u r emotionally constipated - either too shy/introverted, too pompous, too narcissistic or wanting to have the "gladiator" smugness that makes it too complicated 4 u 2 pour d anecdote of your affection to a woman and win 'the most romantic man of the year award'? Is it not so? On a flip-side, you would nevertheless agree that MOST women have softer hearts, a motherly & caring nature, are more passionate and this enables women to nurse & nourish "you things" ;D in an adoring capacity that u guys are unskilled at? Ehn?
Quote from: ummita on January 13, 2008, 02:26:31 AM
We keep playin ping-pong on this thread despite a lot of its accuracies, but one things for sure, I do not lubricate gender politics however, if I believe: man is right about so and so & woman is wrong, I will make my point clear & if: woman is off beam, vis a viz! But dis to men: regardless of ur lust of always wanting to be significantly correct; is it not also accurate that d reason y some of u r not romantic is coz u r emotionally constipated - either too shy/introverted, too pompous, too narcissistic or wanting to have the "gladiator" smugness that makes it too complicated 4 u 2 pour d anecdote of your affection to a woman and win 'the most romantic man of the year award'? Is it not so? On a flip-side, you would nevertheless agree that MOST women have softer hearts, a motherly & caring nature, are more passionate and this enables women to nurse & nourish "you things" ;D in an adoring capacity that u guys are unskilled at? Ehn?
A TAP ON UR BACK!
@ Husnaa- I thot the article was written by a woman (Whitney) ???
@BKG- Thanks for the advice bro ;). I've been to a lot of 'after marriage greetings (tasani)' and that is the most common advise and prayer offered to both sides. On one occasion a newly wed wife confided in me that she hates it when the only advice given to her is to 'yi hakuri' at all times. This made it seem to her that marriage is all cheat-no fairness.
If i do read articles and books about marriage i do so only to enlighten myself about some of the things(including all you've mentioned) which would help maintain a successful marriage. Ba wai daukan su nake sune ka'ida ba...Ilimi ai baya yawa ko?
@Ummita- Many people have the traditional belief that our forefathers were always better. Why do you think that nowadays polygamous husbands cannot treat their wives equally?I mean if our forefathers can do it then why can't we?
True,a man's 'emotional constipation' cannot be unconnected to the role he plays as the provider and protector. A man believes that showing too much of his emotions is a sign of weakness and as the protector, that becomes a minus.
@EMTL nice comparison....LOL.
In my case and Muda we're still preparing for our SSCE ;D
Our forefathers got it better because they were more realistic about life. Part of the problem now ranges from economic(kasar duk ta rikice, ba ka ji da kanka ba balle mata hudu), to the attitude of men nowadays. I beleive the treat them equally doctrine relates more to material than emotional balancing, duk abin da kama wata to sai ka yi ma yar uwarta but no one can be expected to divide his emotions into three or four and dish them out in equal measure. And i really cant understand why some men feel the need to make eacj spouse feel special by gossiping about the other, su kuma matan they lap it all up ayi ta competition na burge maigida. Stories abound of mata yan aljanna that not only encourage their husbands to marry again ( a taimaka ma kannammu da uka rasa), but welcome the amarya wholeheartedly till maybe she decides to upstage her host and the make the house her home exclusively.
Wani phenomenom kuma shine mata su dage wai su ba za a musu kishiya ba , su yi kememe suna zazzaga balai a gida, over their dead body!! Sai ka ce ba su taba jin concept din ba, some one told his wife " ke ba yar kishiya ba ce, da ba a yi a same ki??" Meanwhile in su ne za su shiga ko kuma abokiyarsu (ummita kina ji!!) to its ok, amma woe betide you ka musu maganar amarya.
Bottom line dai wannan hakurin fa sai an koma gare shi a kuma rage dogon buri yan mata!!
Lol its been a while since I've had this much laughs....And it seems I had brain swap or something cuz I cant remember making a post here, and I made 2, lol.
Goggs, Husnaa, the doubles from hafcy and ummitah...lol
We got some really nice advice here and learnt alot. That it takes two, that it takes hard work, that we must be patient and loyal and romantic at least in our own ways. That we should be forgiving and never play mind games, cuz niether parties ever win. That we must never buy suya lol etc.
But how romantic are we today? We never really were, but we are all tryina be. I mean Rome wasnt built in a day. I believe there has been significant developement over the past few decades. From our parents who took bold steps in thier times, to our senior bros and sisters that go on dates after marriage and movies and stuff. To now, We(not me though) who take bolder steps to suprise, say words, comment, even lie to please the partner. we are a long way from there, but we are far from where we started.
Even in the case of polygamy, many men and women are begining to accept and play thier cards right according to thier religions and moral beliefs.
Like Husnaa mentioned, we live in a society with double standards of Hypocracy and we try to match it up. It is a difficult society we live in regarding the financial and socio-economic status of our society. Still, we smile evryday, we have faith in a better tomoro and we make "little efforts" to make things beter. This forum, this post is an evidence of these little efforts.
So, the question are we Romantic answers NO. but like manythings in this country and in the Hausa lands, we are getting there...slowly yes, still surely.
Safety and peace be upon u
Quote from: gogannaka on January 13, 2008, 05:25:41 PM
@ Husnaa- I thot the article was written by a woman (Whitney) ???
So? ??? ??? Kai sunan ka Gogannaka in reality???.
The point is that it is supposed to make it more acceptable as advice coming from a woman than advice from a man to women. Obviously as its so heavily one sided, it wont be appreciated from a man. So get a feminine pseudonym... ko ba haka ba. In kuma mace ce ta rubuta wannan, then, she must be still be a twilight spinster wishful thinking..how she's goin treat her man! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: gogannaka on January 13, 2008, 05:25:41 PMOn one occasion a newly wed wife confided in me that she hates it when the only advice given to her is to 'yi hakuri' at all times. This made it seem to her that marriage is all cheat-no fairness.
Yi hakuri really has its limits if u are not cut out for sainthood ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: gogannaka on January 13, 2008, 05:25:41 PM
@Ummita- Many people have the traditional belief that our forefathers were always better. Why do you think that nowadays polygamous husbands cannot treat their wives equally?I mean if our forefathers can do it then why can't we?
who gave you the idea that or forefathers were able to do it? or were any better than the average husband of nowadays? human nature is time invariant. It doesnt change. Its never changed. and it wont change.
Anyway in the Holy Qur'an Allah SWT Has Told humanity - men that they can never behave equitably towards their wives. To sai dai maza ku kamanta kurum tun da fadar Allah ce SWT
Quote from: gogannaka on January 13, 2008, 05:25:41 PMA man believes that showing too much of his emotions is a sign of weakness and as the protector, that becomes a minus.
One doesnt want a wimpy husband, neither does one want a hard hearted husband... the middle course pls.
Quote from: gogannaka on January 13, 2008, 05:25:41 PM@EMTL nice comparison....LOL.
In my case and Muda we're still preparing for our SSCE ;D
Yr SSCEs: u mean u are at the level where u dont even have GFs or intended..then. cos that's SSCE level.
Degree level is when u are husband to no 1.
then sai ka je karo kwas with no 2
no three entitles u to an msc
and with no 4, ka digirgire.
amma at below ssce... lol ;D ;D ;D
PS A levels is when u have secured a fiancee!! ;D ;D
Quote from: gogannaka on January 13, 2008, 05:25:41 PM
@Ummita- Many people have the traditional belief that our forefathers were always better. Why do you think that nowadays polygamous husbands cannot treat their wives equally?I mean if our forefathers can do it then why can't we?
Yawwa!!!! Alhamdulilahi!!!! Ka sa kanka cikin keji da nake so. To bari na ja maka ayoyi. Let me draw the differences for you, in so many angles, don haushin tambayannan, am ripping my point to you in all directions.
1. In the name of romantic love due on to your ancestral mothers, your forefathers were romantically sensitive to her needs, happiness and feelings, appease her needs, desires, fancy, feelings likes and dislikes, her consents and consideration. As long as she remains unhappy he remains unrested, crippled and imprisoned because it is the way he is taught by the culture to love during his time as such a "good husband". She becomes his idol, the ultimate determining factor, the final influence and actual decision maker. I do not mean women seek to be evil or possessive. But in your case, man of today, mhmmm you have been brainwashed and groomed into believing that you will become woman wrapper. A weak woman-beholden man who idolizes his wife in the name of love will end up being called "ai mijin hajiya ne". Sannun kuce kune romance! >:( (hiss)
2. Your forefathers were not weird men, in the sense that it is you men of nowadays that cannot even attach some sort of value or emotion to another woman and infact a woman you claim to love all because you are a "man". To sannunku maza! >:(
3. Your forefathers were men of God, who feared God rightfully, and never hypocrites. You men of nowadays, typical example. I caught my friends husband on their wedding day, winking at one of the bridesmaid. See faithfulness and loyalty in action!!! You will have more than 10 girlfriends outside. Your forefathers were focused: very, very, very, very, very focused! Maganan kishiya to them aint even an option(GOD BLESS THEM). Amman, mazan zamani, inaaaaa, mace na dan cika gishiri a miya by mistake, sai ace za'ayo mata kishiya! See mugu threat!!! :o Chia, men wuna too wicked.
Gogannaka, har kana da bakin magana. Yanzu idan nace ka rantse baka taba yin yanmata a lokaci dayawa (gumi zaka fara yi). Forefather's dinku kuwa? Tabbas! Basu tabayi ba, abun kunyane idan ma sukayi. Akwai rikon amana, ku plate lambar ku yanzu, CIN AMANA DOUBLE ONE.
4. Your forefathers were not selfish. If it's their last 10 Naira, they will give it to their other halves. But you men of today, he he he (kayan bakin ciki). Da kyar ma kusa ma mace credit din 2000 Naira. Its even gone bad now, Like 3years ago, men were lavish amman yanzu idan banda rowa. Sai ku dakko katon kafafunku kuzo wajen yanmatan ku da daddare, kuyi ta zuba musu surutu, ga cizon mosquito, kuyi sallama ko sisi babu. Yanzu ya kamata ma mu saku kan albashi, da kudin tadi/magana (bearing in mind, double zaku biya idan muka gaya muku lafazai masu dadi), da kudi cizon mosquito da na tsayawa for those that do zance outside, idan kuma zaka zauna ne a sitting room din diganmu, kudin ma double ne. Ai ba kuma cewa nayi we after money ba, a'a, ai KYAUTA DA TUKWICI YANA CIKIN ADDINI.
5. Proceeding, your forefathers were level headed, kind hearted. You men of today boisterous, unkind and sometimes mannerless. She will cook some nice food for you, kaci ka wanke mata hannun a china plates da iyayenta suka turo ta dashi gidanka, ka zuba mata katon gyatsa ko dauko toothpick kana mata kyas kyas kana wullo mata remnants din naman da ya makale maka a gabza gabzan hakuranka. Ba ko honey sannu da aiki, bako, princess abinci ki yayi dadi. Bako sweetie ya gajiyan aiki! Mugun bagidaje kawai! Your forefathers will not hesitate to quickly help her pack the dishes. A big thank you and a big kiss and probably will massage her feets for her all the kitchen labour she did. Your forefathers helped in kitchens, and all domestic duties. Your type will very likely turn around and ask if he looked like a houseboy! >:(
6. Your forefathers are not afraid to show their love for the wives in public. At all. I was having a chat after visiting a friend of mine whose husband came back from work and was saying, a'a yau su hajiya Hafsy ne a gidannamu, my friend hurriedly went to hug him and I heard him mumbling ke, meye haka, Hafsy na kallonmu. (Hiss). Was thinking at heart, to, dan-kauyen bagidaje, wanda be iya romance ba, ba matar ka bace ta sunna bush man? Infact try playing this on irin waninnan Alhazan kanon they will end up scolding you! (ke, a gidanku ba'a koya miki tarbiya ba). All in the name of being the man!!!
7. Your forefathers marry till eternity and their love never ages in the eyes You men of nowadays are not even loyal with your words, talkless of your actions. You will tell her I love you na dan kwana biyu. As time passes when the "honeymoon" is over, your true identity comes out, differing views and wrong role becomes an issue and many times resulting in conflicts. She no longer appeals to you in a romantic way. The vicious cycle begins. Or if your woman begin get small eye bag and wrinkle. You go begin steal perfume for wife mirror dey comot for night in search of fresh blood or youngy to bring as amarya the next day >:(. Like I wasn't one before!!!!!! Bearing in mind that you married a brand new girl (yar leda) and possibilities kai you are not! At the end of the day her henna/lalle na amarci be ma fara fita daga hannunta ba, a sako mana yarmu. Kila ma akwai embryo in its development stage. A sako mana yarmu da tsohon cikin. Wanna rashin kirki naku da me yayi kama?
Sannan ku dinga birga cewa ku you are romatic and can show love! Don Allah kada ku karamin takaici don yanzu haushi ku nake ji. Gogannaka idan wannan be gamsar da kaiba zan debo manyan misalin dana ajiya gefe.
Dama, ni before I got hooked to mr man, sai da muka tsadance, I drew up a contract and he signed it because to me romantic love is where love is exalted above all other things for any relationship to be endearing. To be romantic, anything else and everything else must be secondary. I have 2 b exclusive the "ONLY" exclusive. Nice Primary babu Secondary, nice Exclusive babu Inclusive 8), so zancen kishiya bema tashi ba. Ehe! Kitkat da kai nake!!!!!!! ;D
Quote from: ummita on January 12, 2008, 07:40:04 PM
Equality red tape in polygamous household is something u will never, never, never, never, never, never and ever find in a MAN of todays world.
Ummita, by implication, are saying their is no euqality in man's dictionary
today?
Quote from: ummita on January 12, 2008, 07:40:04 PM
So my definition of equality between a man to his four wives is this: As you come trough that door after work, if you smile 32 teeth to Uwargida, and you smiled at Amarya but only 30 teeth came into display, to me
..its inequality!!! And if my definition is immoral, my ethical credence is also that there can be no impregnable evidence of fairness in todays polygamous family! It is a thing of the past! Who disagrees?
I disagree with you, because your inexperience in the field of polygamy leads
you to make such statements.
Kekuma Hafsy da kike comparing dinmu da forefathers, why dont you compare
the women with our foremothers also. The problem is from both sides.
Hafcy gaskiya bayanin ki toh! :-\
True to the need of romance in marriage or relationships, but our forefathers were not romantic....at all. Why do u think we are not romantic, we didnt wake up and decided to change one suddenly, we inherited the lack of romance. we are simply tryina change for the better.
Men of God...forefathers...well. Let me tell you something. Do u know that uptill our fathers generations people dont perform sallah until they get married. They claim its not obligatory, many of them dont even continue afterall they are not used to it. They were uneducated and ignorant that only few become malamai, hence the unguwar malamai in every Hausa emirate. Dont even get me talking of the women.
Hafcy ke nan, level headed, kind hearted. I may agree, but helping out in the kitchen, now thats hilarious. Its a serious gene inherited in hausa land my dear, the bigmanism of the maigida didnt come ni the 70's as u assume, it has always been amongst us. Its Islam that came about to teach fairness and responsibilities of the spouse in both cases of male and female in marriage. Our tradition and way of life before Islam has put so much pressure and duties to the woman, ones u will consider unthinkable. Havent u noticed our neighbouring tribes, the ones that Islam hasnt penetrated? Thier wives go to farm, come back to cook, fetch water...Its like a lion and lioness situation, just that the wife doesnt get to beat up the husband to death, she is beaten instead. And with the lack of proper islamic education, we have become better muslims and better husbands than our forefathers who didnt even have to live up to the difficult "double hypocratic standards" that we live in today.
Yes our forefathers marry to eternity, but when u cross examine, some things are best left unsaid. They give thier wives the quit notice a hundred times all out of ignorance and bring them back into thier homes with traditional biko(after she is divorced), and lay with her. Focused, they give her the quit notice every ten minuits even, trust me I have heard. Like I said, some things are best left burried with them. They do marry to eternity though, but the issue of a single wife....u gotta be kidding me. Ko a tarihi ko tatsuniyar hausa, there has never been a man with only one wife. If there is, he must be a teenager or something. it was regarded as prestige and maturity, it was a measure of man and manpoer and wealth and strenght to marry many wives and give birth to as many children possible. Isn't it the trait that we inherit till today?
Cizon sauro, surutu....l ;Dol toh, if it bothers them that much, in anje kar su fito. They should demand for thier salary and see how long they can keep up. Remember that Aure, zance, whatever, is not a one way thing, toh. Besides, ba ku kuka ce baku cin tsire ba? :D
Lastly, I'm so sorry, u were saying something about being in a bad mood. I hope u get better hafcy.
May safety and peace be with u
Quote from: Hafsy_Lady on January 15, 2008, 01:57:05 AM
Dama, ni before I got hooked to mr man, sai da muka tsadance, I drew up a contract and he signed it because to me romantic love is where love is exalted above all other things for any relationship to be endearing. To be romantic, anything else and everything else must be secondary. I have 2 b exclusive the "ONLY" exclusive. Nice Primary babu Secondary, nice Exclusive babu Inclusive 8), so zancen kishiya bema tashi ba. Ehe! Kitkat da kai nake!!!!!!! ;D [/color]
You sounded too confident. Am afraid but maza ba a ci musu alwashi. He can, aftr seeing another girl maybe too ::) than uwar gidan yace; since even our prohpet is polygamous, so let me emulate him/ only mara adalci ne will o to hearafter claiming he's one wife in duniya. You see from then labari zaisha banban!
There is one man in our unguwa; he's always praying day and night ya kara aure. His so-called reason is, what I can call, base on misunderstanding on the verse that says; "Wa in khiftum alla ta'adiluu fa waahidatun..." And shi kuma mai adalchi ne. In his words, whoever refuses to marry two to above wives while he's capable to, Allah would charge him as been mara adachi a gidan duniya.
Hajiya Hafsy, kitkat kyale ta. Hakan zata iya faruwa akanta. :o ;D :D
Quote from: muhsinonly mara adalci ne will go to hearafter claiming he's one wife in duniya.
Ahem!! Ban taba jin tabargaza irin wannan ba!
Quote from: HUSNAA on January 15, 2008, 11:55:34 AM
Quote from: muhsinonly mara adalci ne will go to hearafter claiming he'd one wife in duniya.
Ahem!! Ban taba jin tabargaza irin wannan ba!
Kema dai kince. :o
You'll be even more surprised if you know how he is, whats his earning, how is his house and other stuff about him. He's completely pitiful but what he adores most in his life is to add another wife. He now have two! What a thoughtlessness, ko? Allah ya kyauta.
Woman, u r too much!!! Number FIVE is the bestttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. Infact, kwana biyu, need to call and touch base with you.
Quote from: Hafsy_Lady on January 15, 2008, 01:57:05 AM
5. boisterous, unkind and sometimes mannerless. She will cook some nice food for you, kaci ka wanke mata hannun a china plates da iyayenta suka turo ta dashi gidanka, ka zuba mata katon gyatsa ko dauko toothpick kana mata kyas kyas kana wullo mata remnants din naman da ya makale maka a gabza gabzan hakuranka. Ba ko honey sannu da aiki, bako, princess abinci ki yayi dadi. Bako sweetie ya gajiyan aiki! Mugun bagidaje kawai!
Honty Afusatu............woman! U r too much. U've killed meh D ;D ;D ;D D ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: Hafsy_Lady on January 15, 2008, 01:57:05 AM
7. Or if your woman begin get small eye bag and wrinkle. You go begin steal perfume for wife mirror dey comot for night in search of fresh blood or youngy to bring as amarya the next day At the end of the day her henna/lalle na amarci be ma fara fita daga hannunta ba, a sako mana yarmu. Kila ma akwai embryo in its development stage. A sako mana yarmu da tsohon cikin. Wanna rashin kirki naku da me yayi kama?
Am in stiches.......innalilahi!!!!!Kin sha wani abu ne yeu? D ;D ;D ;D D ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: Hafsy_Lady on January 15, 2008, 01:57:05 AM
I have 2 b exclusive the "ONLY" exclusive. Nice Primary babu Secondary, nice Exclusive babu Inclusive 8), so zancen kishiya bema tashi ba. Ehe! Kitkat da kai nake!!!!!!! ;D
Inyeeee!!!!!!!! EXCLUSIVE!!!!!! Bani Biyar!!!!! ;D ;D D ;D ;D ;D
Toh, Kitkat n G-naka, Hafsy has done the homework!!! Kitkat wassap? Bodi don cold? ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
PS: Dan Borno, I will get bck 2 u in due course, I cnt start a serious conversation in light of Hafsy's commentaries ;D ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: Ibro2g on January 15, 2008, 11:18:32 AM
Yes our forefathers marry to eternity, They give thier wives the quit notice a hundred times all out of ignorance and bring them back into thier homes with traditional biko(after she is divorced)
Well that's
a man for you. Very typical of man! Instead of you to bury your weaknesses, you are here igniting ur own fire and digging your pit deeper.....CLASSIC!!!!!............
(http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_1_122.gif)
Dont let Hafsy c this........ ;D
Quote from: ummita on January 15, 2008, 07:43:33 PM
Woman, u r too much!!! Number FIVE is the bestttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. Infact, kwana biyu, need to call and touch base with you.
Quote from: ummita on January 15, 2008, 07:43:33 PM
Am in stiches
.innalilahi!!!!!Kin sha wani abu ne yeu? D ;D ;D ;D D ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: ummita on January 15, 2008, 07:43:33 PM
Inyeeee!!!!!!!! EXCLUSIVE!!!!!! Bani Biyar!!!!! ;D ;D D ;D ;D ;D
Kiyi ta zuga ta, har da tafa hannu ko?
@ HafsyLady and Meetah.... you know whenever i look at the whole situation of this arguement, women rantting about men not being equal and ish, you know i do sum it all up to be a kind of jealousy from the womenfolk man is given the right to marry up to four wives, but then have you ever wondered why Allah has ordained it to be so? Its not the men's fault after all!
Har duniya ta nade baza a daina wannan debate din ba.I think all sides have their points.
With regard to Hafcy's answers to GGNK I think our fore fathers were actually worse.In my own opinion matan ne were a lot more patient than matan yanzu,they were more illiterate and had no backing to retaliate,fight back or just plain pack their things su koma gidan ubansu.They just stayed and took it all in their stride as part of their marriage,and always believed they had less rights then than us ladies do now.Now adays mata sun san kome,suna da ilimi,da kuma gajen hakurin.
But still its not to say that bama hakuri da mazajen.Its still the same debate as I've seen in other threads,too.Maza still want everything from a woman but a woman cannot demand anything from themI hate the issue of kishiya.Men just think they can be just,are up to the task.They are not.In fact one thing I have noticed is that ayar ma da ake quoting farkon kawai ake yi,ba a karasawa har karshe.Ku je ku karanto man ku gani.
Abount romance.We are all different.Some men and women are shy,others are not.Some just need a little encouragement.
I once told him,look before going to the office I need a hug and a kiss.And also when you are back.And it wasnt so diificult.What a man wants his partner do to,why not try asking and then doing the same.Whats so difficult about that.
Quote from: precious on January 18, 2008, 05:42:43 PM
And it wasnt so diificult.What a man wants his partner do to,why not try asking and then doing the same.Whats so difficult about that.
Allah ya biya ki...
Quote from: precious on January 18, 2008, 05:42:43 PM
I once told him, look before going to the office I need a hug and a kiss.And also when you are back. And it wasnt so diificult.
You know i almost cracked my ribs when i saw this, you put so much humour in it...lol. By the way, i'm quite touch by the approach you gave the arguement. And whats better? You were right too. But then how many Hausa women or women would succumbn to that? HOnestly, very little will be able to put up to such courage.
u mean r u guys romantic i wudnt know
Quote from: ladymerciful on January 20, 2008, 12:39:15 AM
u mean r u guys romantic i wudnt know
Well...Allow me to rephrase the question LadyMerciful, Am I romantic?
Quote from: *~MuDa~* on January 16, 2008, 08:24:24 PM
@ HafsyLady and Meetah.... you know whenever i look at the whole situation of this arguement, women ranting about men not being equal and ish, you know i do sum it all up to be a kind of jealousy from the womenfolk man is given the right to marry up to four wives, but then have you ever wondered why Allah has ordained it to be so? Its not the men's fault after all!
Its not jealousy per se Muda. Its a fact of life.. a kind of protecting yr territory, which all animals do. A man automatically becomes part of the woman's territory when they become H&W. Therefore she has no inclination to see him being shared with someone else, just as an animal will mark its territory with its scent as a 'keep off' warning to others of its kind!!
The issue wondering why Allah SWT has ordained men to have more than one wife? Well let's put it this way, that is how Allah Created all male species... as polygamous creatures. If we look at a mammal in the animal kingdom for example, a bull or a lion or an ape, we find that the males of them mate with more than one female during the mating season. A lion keeps a pride of female lionesses; a bull has his herd of cows, likewise an ape keeps a harem of females. A female ape, baboon gorilla etc.. CANT mate with other males as long as there is a numero uno male, even if she wants to cos he challenges and fights any other male that encroaches on his harem. The female will only want to mate with other males if she is in heat and numero uno is neglectful towards her, since it is instinctive - almost reflexive - for the females to want to be pregnant once they are in heat. And if a female animal is in heat, she will ONLY mate with a SINGLE male.
So in general its the same with humans. Restrictions have been placed on the human simply because of his role as the vicegerent of Allah on earth. Therefore man has responsibilities which have not been made mandatory on the other creations of Allah. viz man and woman must marry before cohabitation; man can have more than one but upto 4 (as max)wives; woman cant have more than one husband (whereas with animals, the fathers of the offsprings are ever changing; i.e. from yr to yr, different males sire different offspring with same female). The process of separation (divorce) is an intricate affair with humans whereas its non existent with animals, i.e. the male mates with the female at the time and then each automatically goes his/her way. Or its a question of who is the dominant male of the moment...
Why can men marry more than one wife? Well Allah Made it that way by Making the biology of the man different from that of the female. Men are built on testestorones. This hormone is responsible for the heavier bones in male, the greater muscling, the deeper voice and the thicker or swarthier skin and the hairiness. Testesterone has also been linked with aggressive male behavior. These are all characteristics that differentiate men from women. These are the characteristics that make men providers for womenfolk in the way that Allah SWT Has Demarcated tasks between man and woman. Apart from its secondary role in the development of male sexual characteristics, its primary role is libidinal. That is it produces high sexual drives in the male species, and the function of this high sexual drive is simply the successful propagation of the animal's species. In a setting whereby it is eat or be eaten, predator and prey, law of the jungle - survival of the fittest, it makes sense that an animal should try and pass its genes to as many females of his species as it can so that its chances of survival as a species are higher. In this context, a human being is no different really.. the male has a high sexual drive which demands that he has more than one female partner. Allah thus Created man like this as He Created other creatures and Gave man the outlet to diffuse his libidinous desires within a general framework of self control since man has a higher function than other animals and spiritual role to play.
Women on the other hand have to contend with one partner only, because Allah SWT Assigned to man the responsibility of looking after his offsprings. Other animals also look after their young and so on and so forth, but the communal framework in which they carry out this function is totally different from the human societal framework. There are very few animal species (apart from humans) in the world who share the responsibility of bringing up their offsprings. In many species, it is the sole responsibility of the female to look after the young. In some avian species there are males and females who share that responsibility ( I believe the eagle is one of them); In some species, its the males who look after the young. These are very few and the only one I can think of at the moment is the sea horse. The sea horse male is the one who becomes pregnant actually not the females! The father is left witht the responsibility of carrying the eggs to maturity, dislodging them from its body and I think that is where its responsibilities end. Because once the eggs are in the water, they have a tendency to disperse. Some ofcourse will reach maturity but some will immediately enter the food chain.
Anyway back to the human female. Because of man's spiritual function and the fact that the structure of his society must have to be well ordered and have direction, in order for him to carry out his appointed task as representative of Allah SWT on earth, Allah Assigned the task of looking after the human offspring not only on the woman but on the man as well. This gives the offspring a sense of identity and belonging which is crucial to welbeing of the offspring and the society in general. The male species in general has a tendency to abandon its offspring because males dont have that maternal instincts that females do. So it becomes imperative for the man to have the KNOWLEDGE that the offspring is his and his alone and their is no paternal uncertainty attached to the offspring in question, so that the male knows that the child is his natural heir and therefore he is responsible for the welbeing and upkeep and future of that child or progeny. This only pertains to human beings. Therefore a child must be legitimate.. that is a product of wedlock, and he must belong to only one man (ofcourse). The only way to ascertain that is for the woman to have ONE husband only at a time.
Well spoken Husnaa, for a time i almost thought i was watching a documentay on the National Geographic Channel, i never ever compared the men and the male animal ego or libidenous drives, well it all fits too well, but then it still fits in my arguement right? The point i was trying to make was of man not being responsible for the permission of being allowed to marry more wives than one. Its natural, ordained by Allah, that is why i was saying women should not blame men for marrying upto four wives, i am also well aware of the female specie territory possession concept, infact that is why may beAllah SWT has put the female specie to the test to see if they can really exercise their patience (Hakuri) enough, Hakuri is something that women really lack naturally, and with the religion as a weapon of obeying and respecting the will of Allah SWT, in order to see if women can really tolerate the idea of other counterparts invading their said territory and accept it as destiny. Abi?
Quote from: *~MuDa~* on January 27, 2008, 02:03:41 PM
infact that is why may beAllah SWT has put the female specie to the test to see if they can really exercise their patience (Hakuri) enough, Hakuri is something that women really lack naturally, and with the religion as a weapon of obeying and respecting the will of Allah SWT, in order to see if women can really tolerate the idea of other counterparts invading their said territory and accept it as destiny. Abi?
I really disagree.I think and believe women are naturally more than 200% endowed with hakuri than men.What women suffer from men maza da sune baza su iya hakurin ba.That is also why women are the caretakers of the family.Take for example the way women look after children.women will spend more than half the day with children,da maigida ya dawo yara zasu fara shan fada cos he cannot tolerate dugon abin da yaran su ke that matar tolerates.Or consider how many times namiji's eyes will stray from the road and away from his wife or girl friend just to keep staring at anything in skirt or wrapper.Think as a man.How would you feel if you were with your girlfriend or wife and she keeps staring at every man that passes,and sometimes with such lust in her eyes.Think.And honestly.
I agree with you Precious totally. Women have more patience than men. Muda revise that statement. What women go thro' a man can never endure. Shi yasa ma Annabi SAW said the word 'Umm Umm Umm three times before saying 'Abb'.
Salam
Only Allah knows the reasons why He bestowed upon man to marry more than one woman if he can;but looking at it carfully,i'd say it is good to go 100%.There wont be any other suitable way than that.Look at it this way.Lets all assume that it is a woman that can marry more than one man.
1)If she has kids,there is gonna be a massive problem when it comes to who the father is.In ban da technology yanzu that one could actually go for a paternity test,there wont be any other way that will give 100% proof that a particular man is the biological father of a child when trouble arises.Sai dai if they look alike,perhaps that might workout to an extent.
2)Guys,i want you to imagine sharing your wives....keep imagining...dont stop,i want you to do that for 2 minutes.Aha!!! The mere thought of that makes you shiver yeah? That is pure jealousy.The male is naturally more jealous than the female.What do you think would happen if a woman marries more than one man and puts them in the same house? There will be 1st degree murder.No doubt about that.the male is naturally for aggressive anyway.Mace kuma fa? Sai dai ca can baki da zage zage a gida in anyi nisa a hada da dambe.
3)Look at the number of women we have these days without husbands.If a woman should marry more than one husband,there wont be more men left for every woman to marry.Scarcity of men kenan.
With all these and plenty more i think it is much better for the man to marry more than one wife but only if he can be honest yayi adalci otherwise,it will be much better for him to stick to the one woman he is married to.That way,he will save himself from a lot of trouble in this world and beyond.
C'mon ladies. I expect a fighting response!
lol i wud say yes u are u know more romantic dan i'll ever be lol
Well...Allow me to rephrase the question LadyMerciful, Am I romantic?
[/quote]
i dunno if many ppl know dis but if a guy wants to marry 1st he wud have to take permission from his 1st wife and if she says no den he cannot amrry again but if he goes ahead with the marriage den dat marriage is haram. so wud u girls give permission for ur husband to mrry again??? i wudnt.
Quote from: ladymerciful on January 27, 2008, 10:37:59 PM
i dunno if many ppl know dis but if a guy wants to marry 1st he wud have to take permission from his 1st wife and if she says no den he cannot amrry again but if he goes ahead with the marriage den dat marriage is haram. so wud u girls give permission for ur husband to mrry again??? i wudnt.
Ashe da ba za a kara din ba. Tapdi!!! some women actually hear about it when the invitations go out, or elsethe guy takes off and calls from the safety of another town to say "to Hajia an yi miki kanwa fa ;D
Quote from: kitkat on January 28, 2008, 06:47:24 AM
Quote from: ladymerciful on January 27, 2008, 10:37:59 PM
i dunno if many ppl know dis but if a guy wants to marry 1st he wud have to take permission from his 1st wife and if she says no den he cannot amrry again but if he goes ahead with the marriage den dat marriage is haram. so wud u girls give permission for ur husband to mrry again??? i wudnt.
Ashe da ba za a kara din ba. Tapdi!!! some women actually hear about it when the invitations go out, or elsethe guy takes off and calls from the safety of another town to say "to Hajia an yi miki kanwa fa ;D
MATSORATA ;D ;D
Wow, i was away during the weekend when all these
discussion were going on.
Husnaa, to your post, just as the moderator commented,
its just like watching a documentary, i read it from head
to toe and couldnt find anything to go contrary. Infact
you have made a presentation worth opening a website
dedicated to it. Even the worst human being can intellectually
grab the content, so soft and maturely writing.
@ Rahima, i dont know if its a suggestion you are bringing
or the law is in force where you reside? However, here
in Nigeria you dont need the permission of your first wife
to remarry, although you need to inform her (sometimes)
of your intention to bring in another occupant.
I heard that in Pakistan and other parts of India, the law
exist and still in force and wish to critize the law in its
entirety, because it has placed so many restrictions and
stupid obligations that men hardly fulfill to remarry and end
up keeping 'harlot' because its cheaper than to remarry a
second wife. The adoption of this system can not be
unconnected to the founding fathers of 'beijin declaration'.
Quote from: HUSNAA on January 28, 2008, 10:14:44 AM
Quote from: kitkat on January 28, 2008, 06:47:24 AM
Quote from: ladymerciful on January 27, 2008, 10:37:59 PM
i dunno if many ppl know dis but if a guy wants to marry 1st he wud have to take permission from his 1st wife and if she says no den he cannot amrry again but if he goes ahead with the marriage den dat marriage is haram. so wud u girls give permission for ur husband to mrry again??? i wudnt.
Ashe da ba za a kara din ba. Tapdi!!! some women actually hear about it when the invitations go out, or elsethe guy takes off and calls from the safety of another town to say "to Hajia an yi miki kanwa fa ;D
MATSORATA ;D ;D
I'd call it diplomacy ;D
GGNK U are not in a position to call it anything cos u are neither in the mono nor poly category!! U hide behind a whole town and say that is diplomacy??? !!!! lol! no wonder ogogoro politicians run nigeria!! ;D ;D
Toh a tona min asiri >:(
lol
Quote from: ladymerciful on January 27, 2008, 10:37:59 PM
if he goes ahead with the marriage den dat marriage is haram.
I think what LadyMercuful is tryina say is there has to be a good understanding between the husband and wife before he brings in another wife. If she does not agree, it becomes
religiously Haram not
politically wrong Could this be true?
In the early days of Islam in nigeria, alot of things were not enlightened to the populace so as to win thier faith. It is a preching strategy, da'awa still done today. And the Natives mixed Islam with thier local cultural traditions. Things changed for the better when Usman Dan-fodio succeeded with the Jihad...could information like this remain unattended all this while? is it true?[/color]
Ibro i dont understand you at all. Are speaking on behalf
of Rahima ne ko kuma just trying to translate her English
into our English?
Hmm, nice one DB, i lyk it: English into English
well ladyM Elaborate
but it seems majority if not ol of the girls will not agree to dat,
den ladyM how on earth can dem boys add furda anoda wyf?
well guys, especially dose marid, which iz beta, KANWA ko KISHIYA,
if dere is a beta one tel me, Please !
DB lol My point is in Nigeria we simply bring in another wife without the consent of the first, according to Lady Merciful that is haram... I have no knowledge of it. If that is true, our wives need to agree to bringin in another wife before we do. no more threats of "zan maki kishiya" lol Savvy?
Quote from: arubuta on January 29, 2008, 07:54:37 PM
[/i]well guys, especially dose marid, which iz beta, KANWA ko KISHIYA, if dere is a beta one tel me, Please !
Mr Man, if you want peace of mind just find that one woman you believe will sufficiently make you contented and marry and dot your full stop by leaving her as the only ultimate. Calculate and wed that one woman that is religiously sound, decent, respectable, and educated and one who will be there for you through thick and thin and always keep you in high spirits. If you do this, there won't be need for another. But the problem with some of my brothers, fathers, or sons is that: your calculations are frequently wrong. But allow me to make this evenly clear. with today's generation all these young and small boys that are getting married, all I have been hearing is one, one, one wife and no additional spouse. The last time I heard such was from one wealthy but old cabbage who was taking my very close friend as his third wife. But with the young and modern boys the norm for additional spouse is fast changing (yippie! our daugthers & their kids & their grand kid will be safe!) because they have realised that they do not want to be caught in the webs of emotional liability, financial liability, and all the liabilities attached to raising offspring's (bear in mind, a little parental zig-zag could destroy a child's upbringing) & siblings rivalry! Now, every man wants good family sustainability and to achieve this excellently, LESS IS MORE and therefore having one wife is first-rate!!!!!
So
Arubuta you might find perhaps one or two point notable and if you refuse to adher, and eventually end up with more than one, naso kata-kata go dey boast for your house. I have seen and witnessed a lot of these happenstances. If all men were ultrasound these days wallahi you will remain with one wife. Jokes apart and I am not talking about the equitable interest of us women but what some men go through at the expense of having more than one wife is saddening. Some begin to age when they are meant to be still in their ravishing youth whilst others develop BP, depression and non-exaggeratingly such issues ends up affecting their social and work cohesion infact wholly destroying them. So gentlemen, you will do yourself a hell of good if you keep one wife! ;D
Quote from: Dan-Borno on January 28, 2008, 11:43:12 AM
@ Rahima, i dont know if its a suggestion you are bringing
or the law is in force where you reside? However, here
in Nigeria you dont need the permission of your first wife
to remarry, although you need to inform her (sometimes)
of your intention to bring in another occupant.
Dan-Borno Seeking consent from your first wife to get her a mate is actually in accordance with Islamic code and of courseeeeeeeeeeeee I WILL SAY NO ;D because you cant have two captains on one boat! >:(
Lastly, what alot of you men dont understand is that it is not the KISHIYA/SECOND MATE or AMARYA that is the problem and not that she is part of the solution eitherway. The major source of the only problem in any polygamous family which is jelousy is caused by the second problem and the biggest problem: the man!!! You male species!!! Why? I will not run threadmills on my billion and one reasons but remind ourselves my most improtant reasons and already past commentaries from some members vehemently voiced it out: and it is nothing but the problem of inequality. I call it "Irrationality of all inequalities"!!! Now that is my gripe!!! Imagine refering me, your first wife in the midst of your male freinds as (TOKUNBO) and calling your amarya a (CHASIS)!! >:( If such degrading & discriminatory behaviour can start in the way you begin to address me and your second wife, how on earth can you prove yourself worthy on submitting equal treatment to the both of us? >:(
If men have no such infidelity of discrimination or favourtism in their polygamous family, for all I care, "HE" can marry 4 wives and even a surplus of concubines. Na HIS palava!
Quote from: Hafsy_Lady on January 30, 2008, 01:15:45 PM
I call it "Irrationality of all inequalities"!!!
Quote from: Hafsy_Lady on January 30, 2008, 01:15:45 PM
Imagine refering me, your first wife in the midst of your male freinds as (TOKUNBO) and calling your amarya a (CHASIS)!! >:(
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D let me laugh before i
start replying your post Hafsy Ladyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Quote from: Hafsy_Lady on January 30, 2008, 01:15:45 PM
So Arubuta you might find perhaps one or two point notable and if you refuse to adher, and eventually end up with more than one, naso kata-kata go dey boast for your house. I have seen and witnessed a lot of these happenstances. If all men were ultrasound these days wallahi you will remain with one wife. Jokes apart and I am not talking about the equitable interest of us women but what some men go through at the expense of having more than one wife is saddening. Some begin to age when they are meant to be still in their ravishing youth whilst others develop BP, depression and non-exaggeratingly such issues ends up affecting their social and work cohesion infact wholly destroying them. So gentlemen, you will do yourself a hell of good if you keep one wife! ;D
[/color]
Duk wata lacca taki da alaye, bamu yarda da ita ba. Mun gane wayon. :P Sai mun karo muku masu taya ku zaman gida. Guys, maza ayi himma a kokarta ayo kari. Kawai sai ka zauna da mace daya
kamar Pastor ko fitilar Vespa >:(
BakanGizo, you are todays HERO :-*
Quote from: Bakan~Gizo on January 30, 2008, 06:30:17 PM
Quote from: Hafsy_Lady on January 30, 2008, 01:15:45 PM
So Arubuta you might find perhaps one or two point notable and if you refuse to adher, and eventually end up with more than one, naso kata-kata go dey boast for your house. I have seen and witnessed a lot of these happenstances. If all men were ultrasound these days wallahi you will remain with one wife. Jokes apart and I am not talking about the equitable interest of us women but what some men go through at the expense of having more than one wife is saddening. Some begin to age when they are meant to be still in their ravishing youth whilst others develop BP, depression and non-exaggeratingly such issues ends up affecting their social and work cohesion infact wholly destroying them. So gentlemen, you will do yourself a hell of good if you keep one wife! ;D
[/color]
Duk wata kacca taki da alaye, bamu yarda da ita ba. Mun gane wayon. :P Sai mun karo muku masu taya ku zaman gida. Guys, maza ayi himma a kokarta ayo kari. Kawai sai ka zauna da mace daya kamar Pastor ko fitilar Vespa >:(
Ka mun daidai Wallahi, da kana kusa da na ma kyauta irin ta mutanen da. Kar ku yarda da wani turancin banza. Romans za mu ci??
HAFCYYY Nice to see you. Amma with the way you are talking its like u may never give into marriage. I just wanto to point out two things here
In a marriage (whether thier is an issue of kishiya or not), when there is a problem in the marriage its not the MAN's fault or the WIFE's fault either, when you have a problem then YOU have a problem. You need to settle down and solve it. We never really get anywhere by exercising our powers or rights forcefully anywhere likewise marriage. And pointing fingers have never solved our problems either. If we do not share our strenghts and find the patience to tollerate our mates, forgive in our hearts and make selfless contributions, then we might as well just give up marriage. The correction we all seek ladies and gentlemen is in our hearts, starts with us. Kishiya shouldn't even be an issue, even when it comes to romance. Which brings me to my second point....
This thread was a question that looks into our character and traditions of whether we(Hausa/fulani, yan maiduguri, yoruba and all naija) are Romantic or not, by nature or by adaptation. There are great men I know today that live a blissful life with 3-4 wives. Thier kids are in perfect harmony and whenever I'm there, I envy such a family. They are indeed blessed and great men.
Now Honestly, Romance is a double edged sword that can only be measured by the one on the other edge. Those who complain probably have no romance in them. If u think u do, then allow urself be judged, dont just complain about him/her.
I was judged by Rahima back there ;D lol someone should bring a testimony 8)
May Safety and peace be with you
Despite a very good comment from Husna, recently you guys are still going at it.
Quote from: Hafsy_Lady on January 30, 2008, 01:15:45 PM
it is not the KISHIYA/SECOND MATE or AMARYA that is the problem and not that she is part of the solution eitherway. The major source of the only problem in any polygamous family which is jelousy is caused by the second problem and the biggest problem: the man!!!
Dang!!!!! Jackpot..........you've just hit the nail on the head.
Quote from: Hafsy_Lady on January 30, 2008, 01:15:45 PM
If such degrading & discriminatory behaviour can start in the way you begin to address me and your second wife, how on earth can you prove yourself worthy on submitting equal treatment to the both of us? [/color]
(http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_1_125.gif) My brothers!
Quote from: Hafsy_Lady on January 30, 2008, 01:15:45 PM
Imagine refering me, your first wife in the midst of your male freinds as (TOKUNBO) and calling your amarya a (CHASIS)!! >:(
Quote from: Bakan~Gizo on January 30, 2008, 06:30:17 PM
Kawai sai ka zauna da mace daya kamar Pastor ko fitilar Vespa >:(
Quote from: kitkat on January 30, 2008, 11:32:05 PM
Romans za mu ci??
Dear Lord.......... ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D. You people wan kill pessin. This topic just gets better. Let me quickly grab some popcorn, a chair and an iced drink. Show down!! ;D
DBN, BG n Goga......darm it! Where was I when all of this was taking place? You know guys, for those of us that still have three extra rooms to be filled with, you know, the thread is quite interesting. I have never accross any thing that directs the "intending husband", to first seek for
permission from his wife before he takes another. But I know very well
that the husband should, as a mark of respect and regards for his wife,
tell her that he intends to get married to another wife, as the Koran and
Hadith have enjoined men, who can be able to have more than one wife,
to do so. To seek for permission from one's wife before before grtting
another? No! There is no woman that can listen to that, or even the husband
such permission! Some men have to be men enough to acquire
what is allowed for them!
Ofcourse, traditions and cultures may vary, but the actual deeds of the marriage,
like payment of dowry, fatihah, witnesses etc, are the same requirements and nobody
can change them. However, the aspect of how celebration of marriages differ
as people celebrate according to the dictates of their traditions. Even at that,
the religion recognizes Walimah as a better way of celebrating.
Let us keep talking, we are all learning.........
Waited so long in anticipation of Hafsy and the: "Men's association of one man four wives" here.........still no show from them (*yawns*) .......!!! Am disappointed. >:( Was hoping for a big rumble!!!! ;D
Anyway, I was reading this news online and the first person(s) that came to my mind was you guys, remembering the funny banters that were going on in respect of the subject in place & I taught to bring it to the dinner table.............
Few weeks back and in Riyadh..........this man got married without informing his first wife and brought his new wife home after some days honeymoonin. Cold pleasantries were exchanged between puzzled faced-first wife to her husband and the female guest. Now comes the "very kind", "one single sentence" explanation from the husband: Meet my new wife!!!!! Shocked in disbelief, the first wife ran to the balcony and plunged from a 17th flat storey building. Though still alive, but now completely paralyzed neck down............
Message for the soul sistas: goes at our expense, but hey, least we know what's the deal.............!!!!!
THEORETIC POEM
If a man lives 4 himself, he will not live for you. So women should not be fooled by romantic love because ultimately he will not love you more than he loves himself. For even if it appears to be so, he is doing it only for himself, which is still self-love. So don't be tricked!
(*she laffs*)
wow alot of replies ok erm well no im not enforcing the law because there is no such law where i live firstly becoz bigamy is not allowed in the UK and considered a crime.
but i do know that without the consent of the first wife a muslim is not allowed to marry again. i dont know the laws of nigeria but i do know the laws of islam.
C'mon Rahima, support your self with proofs
we are waiting!!!!!!!!!!!
Quote from: ladymerciful on February 03, 2008, 12:22:26 AM
wow alot of replies ok erm well no im not enforcing the law because there is no such law where i live firstly becoz bigamy is not allowed in the UK and considered a crime.
but i do know that without the consent of the first wife a muslim is not allowed to marry again. i dont know the laws of nigeria but i do know the laws of islam.
Which Islam are you talking about? Certainly not the one I know?
the same islam as u gusy man lol u knw my grand mother is a very religious woman and i confirmed it with her but there is a hadith which does say permission of the 1st wife is needed and i will find that hadith ppl i will find it lol dont worry right after i do these up coming exams, projects, courseworks, lab repots and omg i swear the lecturers think im a robot
We'll be waiting Rahima.
Kai ni auren ma gaba daya ya fita rai na >:(
Akwai wani saying that 'why get married and keep one woman happy while u decide to not get married and keep alot of women happy'.
N.B DB,BKG,Husnaa and one other person ku kuka yi discouraging nawa.
Quote from: gogannaka on February 05, 2008, 12:30:46 PM
We'll be waiting Rahima.
Kai ni auren ma gaba daya ya fita rai na >:(
Akwai wani saying that 'why get married and keep one woman happy while u decide to not get married and keep alot of women happy'.
N.B DB,BKG,Husnaa and one other person ku kuka yi discouraging nawa.
Aure ya fita daga ranka? Haba gogannaka...whats wrong? You must be kidding, huh. And forget that damned saying. Whoever says it lacks good religios backround, am telling you. But...how comes? :o
Quote from: gogannaka on February 05, 2008, 12:30:46 PM
Akwai wani saying that 'why get married and keep one woman happy while u decide to not get married and keep alot of women happy'.
N.B DB,BKG,Husnaa and one other person ku kuka yi discouraging nawa.
Let me rephrase that to read; "why marry one and keep her happy, when u can marry four and keep them happy?"
As for discouragement, ba ruwanmu. Mun dai gaya maka gaskiyar al'amarin zamantakewar aure ne kawai. Haba, kar wani abu ya tsorata ka. Sai kace ba namiji ba ? ;D Amma fa gaskiya, ba don sunna ne da farilla ba, da da yawan mutane basu yi.
LOL Bakan Gizo.Here is another one:
'why get married to four wives,make them happy while in the process you make yourself unhappy when you can marry one wife,make her happy and in the process,make your self happy'
How about that? ;D
lol at bee dats a gud one. ive been so busy guys but i will find that hadith i'm determined to everyone who has a religious background all say that u must ask permission to marry another woman from ur 1st wife. and the ones who lack the religious background disagree maybe becoz they're fed up of their 1st wife and want to marry someone else to satisfy their own needs knowing that the 1st wife will disagree. hope that made sense
BKG i tot if one can safeguard oneself from committing sins lyk adultery and the lyk,
one can remain unmarried. one can continue fasting!! ko ba haka ba? without gettin married.
dnt discourage GGNK 4rm fasting, Maybe he'll be doin it after evry oda day!
My lady, kip on searching, but i wud lyk to kno, wud i hav to ask both my wyfs
if i'm to leap 4rm "bigamy" to polygamy?
lets say one agrees n tha oda didnt, how am i to do?
oh gud luck in ur exams, projects, courseworks, lab repots, etc my lady 8)
Quote from: gogannaka on February 05, 2008, 12:30:46 PM
We'll be waiting Rahima.
Kai ni auren ma gaba daya ya fita rai na >:(
Akwai wani saying that 'why get married and keep one woman happy while u decide to not get married and keep alot of women happy'.
N.B DB,BKG,Husnaa and one other person ku kuka yi discouraging nawa.
Assalamu alaikum,
Haba Goga............. think about the what the Holy Prophet (SAW) said...am sure you would change your mind.
Quote from: gogannaka on February 05, 2008, 12:30:46 PM
We'll be waiting Rahima.
Kai ni auren ma gaba daya ya fita rai na >:(
Akwai wani saying that 'why get married and keep one woman happy while u decide to not get married and keep alot of women happy'.
N.B DB,BKG,Husnaa and one other person ku kuka yi discouraging nawa.
HABA HABA DE you that ı was expectıng to say you wıll marry 5 ıf possıble kuma se kayı mana cold feet haba de. abeg that sayıng ıs extınct, ıts gone wıth the wınds, no body uses that sayıng anymore... the realıty ıs no matter how unhappy a marrıed woman ıs, she ıs better off marrıed than not whıch means she ıs happıer marrıed than not marrıed. no matter how unhammy she ıs wıth her marrıage, trust me she ıs at least happıer or better than an unmarrıed woman. am ı makıng sence hıa.
ok the poınt 4 you ''jst get marrıed eh''. waı ance ALLAh yafı ganın mu da daraja ıdan munyı aure.
Quote from: arubuta on February 05, 2008, 11:37:07 PM
My lady, kip on searching, but i wud lyk to kno, wud i hav to ask both my wyfs
if i'm to leap 4rm "bigamy" to polygamy?
lets say one agrees n tha oda didnt, how am i to do?
oh gud luck in ur exams, projects, courseworks, lab repots, etc my lady 8)
Yawwa, Malam. Good point there ;D Ta bamu amsa.
You remain mute, gogannaka. Ba tacewa ne? LOL ;D
Mallam Muhsin kenan....wato ka ga an saka ni a kwana ko ::)
I think now is not the time to even try to fantasize on being married.
My friend is getting married and i'm actively involved in the preparations....i tell you that thing aint easy.
Remember that post that DB posted about a fast way of transferring money?To lallai Dan borno yayi gaskiya.
E no easy at all,at all.
Quote from: EMTL on February 06, 2008, 08:15:43 AM
Quote from: gogannaka on February 05, 2008, 12:30:46 PM
We'll be waiting Rahima.
Kai ni auren ma gaba daya ya fita rai na >:(
Akwai wani saying that 'why get married and keep one woman happy while u decide to not get married and keep alot of women happy'.
N.B DB,BKG,Husnaa and one other person ku kuka yi discouraging nawa.
Assalamu alaikum,
Haba Goga............. think about the waht the Holy Prophet (SAW) said...am sure you would change your mind.
Da wannan dan wannan ;D
A hankali a hankali....watakila nima na cike hudun cos na ga those advocating for polygamy are doing a great job.
BKG wai kai kana da aure ne? Sai aikin lecture akan zamantakewar aure? >:(
Quote from: gogannaka on February 06, 2008, 02:15:55 PM
BKG wai kai kana da aure ne? Sai aikin lecture akan zamantakewar aure? >:(
Af!, ka dauka ni tuzuru ne irin ka? ;D
Quote from: Bakan~Gizo on February 06, 2008, 02:27:31 PM
Quote from: gogannaka on February 06, 2008, 02:15:55 PM
BKG wai kai kana da aure ne? Sai aikin lecture akan zamantakewar aure? >:(
Af!, ka dauka ni tuzuru ne irin ka? ;D
Kai ban yarda da kai ba.
Then why did you tell amira in members prediction thread that you are not married yet eh?
Abi na tactics ;)
OOOOPPs,
Ya sa so ya mata shigo shigo ba zurfi ne watakila ;D
Quote from: ladymerciful on February 03, 2008, 12:22:26 AM
but i do know that without the consent of the first wife a muslim is not allowed to marry again. i dont know the laws of nigeria but i do know the laws of islam.
Yo Mrs Hataki, its not that a man must get the consent of his first wife before he is allowed to marry the second one, it is advisable and preferable for the man to let his first wife know his intention of adding a second wife, you know...show her a little bit of a picture, she doesnt hold his permission, but it is some sort of respecting your spouse. Get it? Its not compulsory, because other first wives only get to know through their own copy of the wedding invitation Card..lol thats wicked!
Quote from: gogannaka on February 05, 2008, 12:30:46 PM
We'll be waiting Rahima.
Akwai wani saying that 'why get married and keep one woman happy while u decide to not get married and keep alot of women happy'.
Haba really? Tell me my friend...in what way? lol!
Quote from: Bee on February 05, 2008, 03:39:46 PM
LOL Bakan Gizo.Here is another one:
'why get married to four wives,make them happy while in the process you make yourself unhappy when you can marry one wife,make her happy and in the process,make your self happy'
How about that? ;D
Haba Bee?...lol...How Selfish?
Quote from: gogannaka on February 06, 2008, 03:04:14 PM
Kai ban yarda da kai ba.
Then why did you tell amira in members prediction thread that you are not married yet eh?
Abi na tactics ;)
Huh? ??? When was that? I can't remember ever saying or even implying that? I recommend you go back and re-read the thread. All I remember was you predicting me thus:
QuoteMy predictions on BKG:
In his early 30's,Mid 30's Max
Tall, handsome and stylish.
Likes reading newspapers,enjoys movies and can be very adventurous.
He is a devoted companion and has only one girlfriend who he intends to marry very soon
And I responded thus:
QuoteI give you 90%. But you were way off the mark by that last preciction.
. Yes I'm devoted (can't say I'm not, can I?). But...
Kar ka bata min suna a wurin ameera mana ;D ;D I enjoy a very high rating, integrity-wise, from her. Ko ameera? ;) ;D
lol all this talk about mariage and in the next 2 months i'll be attending 2 on of my best frend SHOCKIN ABSOLUTELY ShOKING we all thought i wud be the 1st to get married and she'd be the last and the 2nd wedding of my cousins she getting mArried to a rICh lawyer money money money MUHUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA
sorry ppl im jus thrilled i finished my lab reports
Ladymerciful,
This isn't an excuse, am telling you. You are only thrilled about your friend's getting married to a rich lawyer. She's marrying money, huh. LOL ;D I guess you hoped it was you...hahaha ;D :D
Quote from: ladymerciful on February 04, 2008, 12:28:49 PM
the same islam as u gusy man lol u knw my grand mother is a very religious woman and i confirmed it with her but there is a hadith which does say permission of the 1st wife is needed and i will find that hadith ppl i will find it lol dont worry right after i do these up coming exams, projects, courseworks, lab repots and omg i swear the lecturers think im a robot
Here is a piece I got from other site, which is solving this issue. Ladymerciful and all of you guys, I hope you'll go through every line of it. There is also URL link to the full text. Thanks.
Question:
My question is if you would help me to know the Hadith or the point of vieuw from the Islamic law on the follwing situation.
If a woman is married to a man and that this man is also married to an other woman without her, the last, knows about this marriage.
No need to say that this is a difficult and very exceptional situation but seems the best concerning the circumstances?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The wife's approval is not a condition for plural marriage, and it is not obligatory for the husband to have the approval of his first wife if he wants to marry a second wife. But it is good manners and kind treatment to approach the issue in such a way as to reduce the pain which women naturally feel in such cases, by smiling at her, greeting her warmly, speaking nicely to her and spending money on her according to his means, in order to gain her approval. Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/204.
If a husband takes a second wife, he has to treat his wives equally as far as possible. If he does not treat them equally then he is exposing himself to a stern warning, for it was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever has two wives and inclines more towards one of them than the other, will come on the Day of Resurrection with half of his body leaning." (narrated by al-Nisaa'i, 'Ushrat al-Nisaa', 3881; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Nasaa'i, no. 3682).
When Allaah permitted us to marry more than one woman, He said (interpretation of the meaning):
"but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice"[al-Nisaa' 4:3]
So Allaah commands that a man should restrict himself to one wife, if he knows that he cannot be just. And Allaah is the source of strength.
See Fataawa Manaar al-Islam, 2/570.
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
http://islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=12544&ln=eng
nice one muhsin
what a research
waiting for lady m's
Quote from: Muhsin on February 07, 2008, 02:40:40 PM
Ladymerciful,
This isn't an excuse, am telling you. You are only thrilled about your friend's getting married to a rich lawyer. She's marrying money, huh. LOL ;D I guess you hoped it was you...hahaha ;D :D
kun gani ko, yan mata wants moneyyy
take this to the other forum
kano babes na wa o!
Quote from: arubuta on February 07, 2008, 11:41:11 PM
kun gani ko, yan mata wants moneyyy
take this to the other forum
kano babes na wa o!
arubuta, we don't have to take that there. So they are wherever in the world, am telling you. And, for example, LadyM probably has never been to Kano but...hahaha ;D No insult. ;D
muhsin ders no quote dat really backs dat info up does it or ne hadiths ANNNNYYYYYYYYYY HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
no i dont want to get married to da rich lawyer dnt u get my drift he'll be my brother-in-law im gonna get a rich brother-in-law and since i'll be his lil sis HE'LL HVE TO BUY ME ALL DA THINGS I WANT muhuahahahahahaa most likely a PS3 if only
Quote from: Muhsin on February 07, 2008, 02:40:40 PM
Ladymerciful,
This isn't an excuse, am telling you. You are only thrilled about your friend's getting married to a rich lawyer. She's marrying money, huh. LOL ;D I guess you hoped it was you...hahaha ;D :D
Haba Muhsin how can you be so sure? Stop putting words in her mouth!
please stop send me this matter that one is urs own what you mean!! ::)
hahahaha puttin words in my mouth dont worry dat'll never happen
Quote from: Sulaiman on February 08, 2008, 07:16:18 PM
please stop send me this matter that one is urs own what you mean!! ::)
welkom mr, but cant undasitand a word u said?
ok MUHSIN ba matsala, u mean haka suke a ko ina???
My Lady ai sai ki je Kano ki dan ga ta.
arubuta ddnt understand a word u sed at all sorry
Lady M, get Ibro2g to translate it for you.
aww man why dont u guys tell me hmm i dunno whre ibro is havent seen him around lately :(
ok i now know wot arubuta sed. erm yh maybe i'll go to kano oneday i'll put that on my list of places to visit before i die
Quote from: ladymerciful on February 12, 2008, 09:01:17 PM
ok i now know wot arubuta sed. erm yh maybe i'll go to kano oneday i'll put that on my list of places to visit before i die
And you will see how romantic our girls claim to be..lol
I have come to realise that almost all men have this problem with women.
No matter how romantic,caring,loving you are to a woman,one day you
make a mistake she will say you are not romantic,caring,loving etc.
So whenever she says that to you don't be too angry. Haka suke.
some of em really know its not u, that its really thier fault. Hey what the hek, I'm feeling really romantic at the moment so.... anyone care to fetch me some roses?
lol here's a rose for u <a href=http://www.glitter-graphics.com><img src=http://dl8.glitter-graphics.net/pub/834/834878gifmmueuat.gif width=281 height=404 border=0></a><br><a href=http://www.glitter-works.org target=_blank>glitter-graphics.com</a>
ook so dat ddnt work lets see if dis works
(http://dl8.glitter-graphics.net/pub/834/834878gifmmueuat.gif) (http://www.glitter-graphics.com)
Awwww...thanks Senorita merciful, Arigato
Ibro2g you have proved that men are more
romantic than women. thanks for saving our
asses.
Quote from: gogannaka on February 17, 2008, 12:15:27 PM
I have come to realise that almost all men have this problem with women.
No matter how romantic,caring,loving you are to a woman,one day you
make a mistake she will say you are not romantic,caring,loving etc.
So whenever she says that to you don't be too angry. Haka suke.
and remember, women and elephants
never forget injury
so all you guys there
take note !
Noted Arubuta!
Quote from: Dan-Borno on February 17, 2008, 09:04:10 PM
Ibro2g you have proved that men are more
romantic than women. thanks for saving our
asses.
Yeah...and not only that, he now speaks spanish too
and adds it to his romantic arsenal!
lol erm remember dis guys im the one who sent the rose to senor ibro
Quote from: Ibro2g on February 17, 2008, 08:05:52 PM
some of em really know its not u, that its really thier fault. Hey what the hek, I'm feeling really romantic at the moment so.... anyone care to fetch me some roses?
may be we shuld refresh your memory, he made
the request and suggestion!!!!
lol well i think that both men and women are romantic depending on wot ur romantic views are. anyway but i'll tell u dis i am soooooooooo not romantic at all hehehehe. bt that doesnt mean all women are not romantic blive me der are loadz same goes for the men loadz
ladies and gentlemen of this great forum, kindly permit
me to announce to you the most unromantic lady in the
forum in the person of "Rahima" popularly known as
Lady M. However, she manages to send some rose
flowers despite her incapacitation.
LOL!!! ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: Dan-Borno on February 21, 2008, 07:44:20 PM
ladies and gentlemen of this great forum, kindly permit
me to announce to you the most unromantic lady in the
forum in the person of "Rahima" popularly known as
Lady M. However, she manages to send some rose
flowers despite her incapacitation.
You don't have to do that DBN as she has done that herself, ko?
Quote from: ladymerciful on February 19, 2008, 07:41:56 PM
lol well i think that both men and women are romantic depending on wot ur romantic views are. anyway but i'll tell u dis i am soooooooooo not romantic at all hehehehe. bt that doesnt mean all women are not romantic blive me der are loadz same goes for the men loadz
HHHHMMMMM......... DAN BORNO.............. ;D
This thread has been going on for ages and I just realised that I have no idea what men take as romance or to be romantic.
So guys please post your idea of what you think is romantic.That way us girls,ladies will have an idea.Im assuming all the guys know what we girls take to be romantic.
I really want to see DB's list :)
[quote ]
I really want to see DB's list
[/quote]
Precious, is this a challenge directed at me or
because of my qualification with double major?
Ok, i am equal to the task.
Warning - Activate the parental advice on your
screen - age limit (35).
1. Obedience and loyalty (to the husband and members of his family)
2. Very Religious and have the fear of Allah
3. Sexy eyes (as if she is feeling asleep or drank ogogoro)
4. Shoulders (a woman's shoulder is the front line of her beauty)
5. I never mind the size of the boot, what matters is giving it shape.
6. Wushirya is an added advantage (not the artificial one)
7. Lipstic is what triggers me well, especially (RED)
8. The fox lamps should be well packaged (thanks to these designers)
9. movement - prefarably cat walk, but doesnt add anything to me.
10. soft and submissive voice counts a lot
11. Skin colour doesnt matter, but i dont like baki-wuluk
Precious, manage these ones for now.
Danborno, yau fa da pawanka ka shigo! ;D
HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA o u guys are so funni jus sent dat rose in kindness YA KNOW lol BD ur too funny perhaps i am the most unromantic girl in this forum hehehehehe
I am really laughing hard.
You know DB its not a challenge and its not because of your "double qualification" as you put it.
See,kai ne kan gaba wajen tsokanar mata,when it comes to romance,polygamy,love etc.So i wanted to see your list.
But I cant decide whether you were describing the kind of woman you like or would like,or what kinda woman or the kwaliya that you like(to put it proper).Kasan akwai yara a nan da za su iya leko wa.
Some time back I asked this guy what he really thinks is a romantic thing to do.His answer?wai to make sure he provides financially for his family so they dont want.Ni kam nasan wannan mutum baya nan aka yi rabon romance.
Alright all you other guys.I am waiting.What is romance or romantic?
lol dan Barno. I really dont get your list. I thought u were asked to present "romance". I'll just lurk on a corner and see what u guys come up wid...lol ;D
Nice question precious.
DB kai kuma kada ka bada maza mana.
An daina yayin jan baki(lip stick a.k.a 'kan ta kile') yanzu gloss ake yayi.
And your list might not pass the 'romantability' test.
However,the show of boldness in quickly answering the precious question is laudable.
Ni dai idan na saka baki yanzu yanzu za ka ga su wa'e da wa'e sun fara cewa ai GGNK ba shi da aure
ko kuma a ce i should stop believing all the romantic things i dream about etc. Don haka i keep mute :-X
I'll tell my madam only.
Quote from: precious on February 22, 2008, 09:29:39 PM
But I cant decide whether you were describing the kind of woman you like or would like,or what kinda woman or the kwaliya that you like (to put it proper). Kasan akwai yara a nan da za su iya leko wa.
Quote from: Ibro2g on February 23, 2008, 11:11:25 PM
I thought u were asked to present "romance". [/color]
i though the question posed by precious is .........
."So guys please
post your idea of what you think is romantic" and the word romantic
looks more of description, thus my list of what i felt will be romantic
to me. Ibro2g, the ross flower sent to you by El-Rahima could be
described to be romantic, but romance is entirely a different thing
to me.
Quote from: gogannaka on February 25, 2008, 03:32:42 AM
your list might not pass the 'romantability' test.
what are the criteria for this test? waiting anxiously!!!!!!!!!!!
Quote from: gogannaka on February 25, 2008, 03:32:42 AM
DB kai kuma kada ka bada maza mana.
An daina yayin jan baki(lip stick a.k.a 'kan ta kile') yanzu gloss ake yayi.
me gloss kuma GGNK, lallai an barni a baya, some body
upgrade my romance software please.
Ibro2g and GGNK, lets see your list.
Quote from: precious on February 22, 2008, 09:29:39 PM
..Kasan akwai yara a nan da za su iya leko wa.
its a sex education, there is no harm children consuming it.
Quote from: gogannaka on February 25, 2008, 03:32:42 AM
I'll tell my madam only.
Assalamu alaikum,
Who are you referring to as your Madam? Or you mean would-be Madam? Kasan Sadiq ya gaya mana a 'Marriage Crashers' kai 2-star general ne.
Lol...Kai EMTL you hardly forgets anything at all. So you had to go digging that info in that old Thread?
1)spontaneity: that unexpected, impulsive show of affection that comes when u least expect it( cd be anything really!)
2)s**y lingerie
3)the ability to overlook our more obvious shortcomings( like when we forget valentines, (AND YES EVEN B/DAYS!!)
4)making up after that quarrel that no one can even remember over what!!
5)A little appreciation for when we kill ourselves to do something and its still considered nothing!( like remembering that anniversary even if its at 6pm on the day)
7)expressing affection and not hoping we can read minds(if not clear see 1 above)
part 2 to follow shortly
Hmmm.Not bad for a man.Though that bit about overlooking shortcomings doesnt really strike me as romantic.More like Hakuri.
Waiting for part 2.
DB I've got you a teacher.Follow Kitty Kat and learn.
As for the other maza onliners I think they are more chicken than ....
Quote from: precious on February 28, 2008, 04:02:37 PM
As for the other maza onliners I think they are more chicken than ....
U'uhm...precious, wathc it before you get your mouth smacked by a chicken wing....lol!
Score Board
Precious - 1
DB - 0
8) 8)
Quote from: precious on February 28, 2008, 04:02:37 PM
As for the other maza onliners I think they are more chicken than ....
AH ah ah... dont expect so much without puting in some effort. If you want something from us, u'll have to lay urs down first. I wasn't gonna put anything, but since u r so
desperate, I'll might reconsider when u post ur list.
russel fussel warsel @!%&|:'~
safety and peace
notherners are no romantıc at all abeg nawawo ı wonder why. ı thınk the problem ıs mostly form the men. ıf you leave the job of beıng romantıc the ladıes am sure we wud do a better job. all thıs nothern guys sef ıs ıt that they are ashamed of theır wıves that they cant express theır feelıng often ın a romantıc way? hmmm... how do we ımprove thıs ıssue among notherners?
Hmmm,things i consider romantic ::)
Quote from: hafsee on February 29, 2008, 02:53:36 PM
notherners are no romantıc at all abeg nawawo ı wonder why. ı thınk the problem ıs mostly form the men. ıf you leave the job of beıng romantıc the ladıes am sure we wud do a better job. all thıs nothern guys sef ıs ıt that they are ashamed of theır wıves that they cant express theır feelıng often ın a romantıc way? hmmm... how do we ımprove thıs ıssue among notherners?
The way i see it, Hafsee, which ever the way the men still proves to be more romantic at the end,
they make the first move,
they come to your house to see you (creating atmosphere for physical confrotation),
they always call you on the phone,
they buy you things,
you are just at the receiving end doing nothing...haba!
Quote from: *~MuDa~* on March 03, 2008, 08:56:19 AM
Quote from: hafsee on February 29, 2008, 02:53:36 PM
notherners are no romantıc at all abeg nawawo ı wonder why. ı thınk the problem ıs mostly form the men. ıf you leave the job of beıng romantıc the ladıes am sure we wud do a better job. all thıs nothern guys sef ıs ıt that they are ashamed of theır wıves that they cant express theır feelıng often ın a romantıc way? hmmm... how do we ımprove thıs ıssue among notherners?
The way i see it, Hafsee, which ever the way the men still proves to be more romantic at the end, they make the first move, they come to your house to see you (creating atmosphere for physical confrotation), they always call you on the phone, they buy you things, you are just at the receiving end doing nothing...haba!
Muda Allah ya saka ma da alheri.
Kai, amma Muda, nagode maka 8). Ka san ba abinda suka sani illa dai a basu su karba. Ba reciprocation. Sai complain. Godiya ce tai musu karanci. That is why a man will go to the saloon and cut his hair; while a woman will go to the saloon to add attachement na gashin doki to her own hair ;D
Gashin doki? To fa! Barka da ratse baffa! Goga, ai ma baka sani ba, sai ka kawosu gida ka musu komai da komai, amma rana daya, sai a ce maka, "me ka taba yi man!" Ai wadansunsu kaji ne, su ci su gogen bakinsu! Nace, ko ka janye wancan magana kan Bee dinne kam, Goga?
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
....ina matan suke
...ai sun ganmu sun gudu
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Look u guys are forgetting one thing. All yr give give give b4 the marriage is to impress the girl. Once ta shiga cikin gidajen ku, u make an about turn and curtail yr expenditures. So if she takes takes and takes its because she is making the most of the temporary donations that u guys make prior to the bondage.
Alas, a brave one has spoken! Husnaa u maybe right, but even after the marriage, mostly the man continues to supply, continues to enslave himself to provide, its his duty and honour. The man gladly fulfills, mostly. As if it is not romantic enuff, he makes sacrifices, for d "betterment" of the family. Isnt Sacrifice the ultimate romance?
He goes on, provodes protection, security and comfort. True, his duty. Still he delivers.
Even the most uptight men show concern to the slightest sign of pain from thier spouse, but maigida is just too unromantic isnt't he. When in truth most of em prefer a raise in thier allowances than a book of poetry from thier husbands.
I didnt come to make any accusations, i just want everyone to accept he/she has a role to play in the romancing of our nation. I'll start with saying, "sorry my dears, we'll do better"
Safety and Peace
Quote from: Ibro2g on March 04, 2008, 02:25:24 AM
Alas, a brave one has spoken! Husnaa u maybe right, but even after the marriage, mostly the man continues to supply, continues to enslave himself to provide, its his duty and honour. The man gladly fulfills, mostly. As if it is not romantic enuff, he makes sacrifices, for d "betterment" of the family. Isnt Sacrifice the ultimate romance?
He goes on, provodes protection, security and comfort. True, his duty. Still he delivers.
Safety and Peace
A man has to provide security protection and comfort for his family becos it is his RELIGIOUS duty to do so. There should be no gunaguni about that from the men. If the domestic financial situation were ideal, women would not go out to work. I am telling you, despite the fact that we like to be financially independent, I can assure you that given the ideal situation where by the husband provides for his wife adequately, sees to all her needs, doesnt crap about it, ba gori, and doesnt belittle her as a result of that (by making her feel like an almajira when she is entitled to be looked after by him), doesnt blackmail her with threats of divorce or additional kishiya simply becos he has the capability to add another woman, or becos the wife cant maintain herself in the way that he can maintain her, or that she would fall into financial difficulties if she leaves him... if none of these happen, no wife would leave the comfort of her home to go and slave all day for a mere pittance somewhere.
Quote from: Ibro2g on March 04, 2008, 02:25:24 AMEven the most uptight men show concern to the slightest sign of pain from thier spouse, but maigida is just too unromantic isnt't he. When in truth most of em prefer a raise in thier allowances than a book of poetry from thier husbands.
I didnt come to make any accusations, i just want everyone to accept he/she has a role to play in the romancing of our nation. I'll start with saying, "sorry my dears, we'll do better"[/color]
That is absolutely untrue. Few men do that. These are the sensitive ones with just one single wife to cater for. They know that if they dont take care of her, their whole world will become topsy turvy... so they do so. In other words there is always a selfish reason motivating them to show the concern and do something about it. A man with three wives isnt going to bother. His life would just go on as normally as possible. The slight inconvieniences would be that if she dies he has to sit for the makoki. That is all. If she is incapacitated, and the wife stays at home, in most cases, you find that the husband doesnt employ any nurse or some one with a professional qualification to look in on the health of his wife even on a weekly basis. If she has to have someone to stay with her, it is never an arrangement whereby the husband ropes in a relative of his to look after her and lets say that it is even remunerated so that the relative doesnt feel like she is being used. What happens most of the time is that the parents of the woman, come in on their own accord and take over the situation, providing the necessary care throu a dependent relative and so on. In many cases if it is an incurable disease, the husband gives permission for the wife to move out of the home back to her parents house where she can be better taken care of. All this is
HIS responsibility, but he reneges on it.
God Help the wife in a ka ce ma ciwon yoyon fitsari ne ya kamata ta. Some poor women with this condition have been known to prefer to remain in hospital rather than go back to their husband's houses. The wulakanci is simply too much.
Kai you Hausa men or Hausa Fulani men, you got nothing to say. Marriage to most of you is simply an unavoidable situation that is all. Amma if it were possible to avoid it.. it were better. :( :( :(
YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ROMANTIC BEHAVIOR AND U CAN HARDLY FULFILL THE MUNDANE DUTIES INCUMBENT UPON YOU... YOU CANT EVEN BE CALLED SENSIBLE WHICH I GUESS IS THE OPPOSITE OF BEING ROMANTIC.... YOUR SENSES JUST DESERT YOU SOMEWHERE ......
Quote from: HUSNAA on March 04, 2008, 08:51:23 AM
YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ROMANTIC BEHAVIOR AND U CAN HARDLY FULFILL THE MUNDANE DUTIES INCUMBENT UPON YOU... YOU CANT EVEN BE CALLED SENSIBLE WHICH I GUESS IS THE OPPOSITE OF BEING ROMANTIC.... YOUR SENSES JUST DESERT YOU SOMEWHERE ......
Easy. Easy. Problem din mata kenan da ake fadi. So now we are not even SENSIBLE? What are we then? Senseless? I think you've allowed your anger to prevent you from presenting reasonable argument. All you did so far is accuse, deny, accuse, condemn. Just tell us one single thing a woman does towards contributing to romance in the house.
Gaskiya The anger here is unnecessary. I do understand ur dispair on many things that u have seen, but dont be too quick to judge the generality of hausa fulani men. The character of people mostly differ individualy and sometimes independently. There are good men, and there are bad men, likewise women. The character of a few terrible men doesnt make the generality a wicked gender. By God if all men were as u described then even mothers wont encourage thier daughters to get married. Because it'll be worse than imprisonment and/or slavery.
Many men do shy away from thier responsibilities, in as much as that many women do from thiers. Women are just more prune to complaints thats why we hear this here and there.
Quote from: husnaaA man has to provide security protection and comfort for his family becos it is his RELIGIOUS duty to do so. There should be no gunaguni about that from the men. If the domestic financial situation were ideal, women would not go out to work. I am telling you, despite the fact that we like to be financially independent, I can assure you that given the ideal situation where by the husband provides for his wife adequately, sees to all her needs, doesnt crap about it, ba gori, and doesnt belittle her as a result of that (by making her feel like an almajira when she is entitled to be looked after by him), doesnt blackmail her with threats of divorce or additional kishiya simply becos he has the capability to add another woman, or becos the wife cant maintain herself in the way that he can maintain her, or that she would fall into financial difficulties if she leaves him....
...ahhh your point?
Well anyway, my arguement is simple. Regarding romance we all have a role to play. The moment we accept our shortcommings and embrace solutions the better we will be. Today, everyone is giving an effort to be romantic, but it wont help anyone if we do not accept our shortcommings in romance.
One thing is certain, we have learnt better romance than our fathers and our sons and daughters will know better if we let them.....
Safety and peace to u all
Quote from: Bakan~Gizo on March 04, 2008, 09:14:37 AM
Quote from: HUSNAA on March 04, 2008, 08:51:23 AM
YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ROMANTIC BEHAVIOR AND U CAN HARDLY FULFILL THE MUNDANE DUTIES INCUMBENT UPON YOU... YOU CANT EVEN BE CALLED SENSIBLE WHICH I GUESS IS THE OPPOSITE OF BEING ROMANTIC.... YOUR SENSES JUST DESERT YOU SOMEWHERE ......
Easy. Easy. Problem din mata kenan da ake fadi. So now we are not even SENSIBLE? What are we then? Senseless? I think you've allowed your anger to prevent you from presenting reasonable argument. All you did so far is accuse, deny, accuse, condemn. Just tell us one single thing a woman does towards contributing to romance in the house.
Easy for where? I am not angry, just frustrated. A sensible person is hardly a romantic person because he does everything that is required of him without a whit of imagination or initiative, but at least he fulfils those duties required of him as a husband. What I am saying is that not only are some men not romantic, but they dont even fulfil these basics and as such cant be regarded as sensible or being sensible to their obligations.
Kuma as for ibro saying that I am not talking about the generality of Hausa Fulani men, well I am. In general that is what Hausa Fulani men are: uncaring, selfish and insensitive. And believe me when i say that I write this in a calm and collected manner just as I wrote the above in a calm and collected manner.
Quote from: Bakan~Gizo on March 04, 2008, 09:14:37 AMJust tell us one single thing a woman does towards contributing to romance in the house.
When a woman cooks for her husband, she brings out her best crockery, tries to cook his favorite dish, makes a presentation of the dishes and dresses herself to look her best.. in her own way she is trying to be romantic, since that is one of the ways she knows, as red roses are not part of our culture. When she wears her best lingerie, she is trying to be romantic... come on... that extra effort that u put in to unexpectedly please yr partner is considered romantic and women are more conscious of trying to please the husband than the other way round, not least becos they know that they may not necessarily have a monopoly over the husband.
No. Deny it all you want, but what you posted is clearly in anger. 'Cos I can't for the life of me see the justification for calling us senseless (or whatever u mean by we are not sensible). Isn't that the whole point of this debate? I mean u do everything for a woman, and God help u if a litle quarrel starts. She calls u names, that is, apart from the standard 'me ka taba yi min?'.
You accuse hausa-fulani of being insensitive and unromantic. How can he, when he did everything to bring you in, only for him to discover that apart from ingratitude of a typical hausa woman, she's lazy, most doesn't know how to cook anything appetizing, aside the normal tuwo da miya. Ga rashin iya kwalliya, sai daurin kirji, kai ba dankwali, gashi a hargitse?
So when a woman cooks and dresses herself, she's doing a hell of a lot. But when the man gives her everything, he did nothing right? It is only his "duty". Mata.
Quote from: Bakan~Gizo on March 04, 2008, 03:44:56 PM
You accuse hausa-fulani of being insensitive and unromantic. How can he, when he did everything to bring you in, only for him to discover that apart from ingratitude of a typical hausa woman, she's lazy, most doesn't know how to cook anything appetizing, aside the normal tuwo da miya. Ga rashin iya kwalliya, sai daurin kirji, kai ba dankwali, gashi a hargitse?
hahahahahaha.... BKG lallai baka da dama... Touche! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Each to his own then...
lol at both of u. Well since the swords are away, we can learn from this. Lets know what is expected of us, and in turn we can tell you what is expected of you. This way, reasonably and sensibly we can learn from each other....
Safety and peace be with u all
Wadansu abubuwan ai ba sai an fada ba. Most people believe that, a couple that is living peacefully, then it is the husband that is tolerant. A man married to two wives was taken to the Hospital very sick and was even unconcious throughout the first day. On the second day he regained consciousness and was barely awake. The two wives decided to tell him something and the senior one came closer to his ears and said, "maigida, bamu abinda zamu ci yau." The husband instantly went into comer again! ;D
Subhanallah.
What a blunder.
This shows an uncaring,selfish and insensitive character (just like Husnaa mentioned).
Quote from: waduz on March 05, 2008, 10:31:13 AM
The senior one came closer to his ears and said, "maigida, bamu abinda zamu ci yau." The husband instantly went into comer again! ;D
Assalamu alaikum,
Allah Sarki ta sumar dashi.............
Quote from: Ibro2g on March 04, 2008, 06:11:09 PM
lol at both of u. Well since the swords are away, we can learn from this. Lets know what is expected of us, and in turn we can tell you what is expected of you. This way, reasonably and sensibly we can learn from each other....
...and romantically too..lol!
Quote from: gogannaka on March 05, 2008, 11:17:25 AM
Subhanallah.
What a blunder.
This shows an uncaring,selfish and insensitive character (just like Husnaa mentioned).
I think Waduz meant it the other way round.. insensitive uncaring wives hahahahahahaha
kai Husnaa...lol very tactical, anyway am not too surprised, you are a woman...lol ;D
Quote from: waduz on March 05, 2008, 10:31:13 AMThe two wives decided to tell him something and the senior one came closer to his ears and said, "maigida, bamu abinda zamu ci yau." The husband instantly went into comer again! ;D
EXACTLY MY POINTTTTTTTTTTTT. WHEN I MENTIONED THE DILEMMA THESE MEN GO THROUGH AT THE EXPENSE OF HAVING MORE THAN ONE WIFE, HAKA YAN SAMARIN NAN DA DADDY SUKAYI MIN TARON DANGI (Bakan-Gizo, Zeezee, Wadus da Daddy) HAR WANI NACE MIN ROMANS ZASU CI. NAYI MUKU SHIRU KAWAI.(kallon up and down) >:( KADA KAYI ROMANS DIN, HAKA WANI DAN SAURAYI KO DATTIJO ZAI ZO KANA JI KANA GANI YA NUNA MATA ROMANS DIN YA KWACE TA.
TO DAI GASHINAN, MATA BIYUN ZASU KARASA WANI. (Kallon up and down).
INSTEAD OF THESE UNROMATIC MEN HERE WHO SEEM TO BE DOING NOTHING BUT NOISE AND WE GETTING NO WHERE WITH THE DISCUSSION. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK ME, THE EXPERT. FOR EXAMPLE.........DADDY DAN-BORNO, YOUR WIFE JUST GAVE YOU A NEW BABY. YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO DO SOMETHING ROMANTIC NOT THE TRADITIONAL KAYAN YAJI DA NAMA >:(.
INFACT I WILL BE HOLDING CLASSES FOR THOSE THAT ARE INTERESTED TO SIGN UP. ANYTHING YOU WANT TO DO, GIVE ME THE SCENARIO OF IT AND I WILL RECOMMEND SOMETHING REALLY ROMANTIC FOR YOU WIFES, GIRLFRIENDS, FIANCES AND CRUSHES. MY ASSISTANTS UMMITA, MUFI AND HUSNA WOULD BE AT HAND TO HELP. HAJIYOYI AI KUNA DA DAN EXPERIENCE ABI?
JIDAI YADDA MAZAJEN NAN SUKE TA MANA KAUYANCI (abun ya bani haushi, wai romans zasuci). TO, ANCE MUKU MUMA I LOVE KAWAI ZAMUCI? KO ANCE MUKU DAGA KAWAI KUN AURE MATAN SHINE ROMANCE? YOU GOTTAH KEEP DOING ROMANTIC STUFF FOR THE MARRIAGE TO LAST TILL YOU ALL GO GREY HAIRED.(Hiss).
SHIYASA SHEKARU GOMA DA ZUKA WUCE NACE ZAN AURI WANI SPANISH BATURE AKA HANA NI A GIDA (kuzo kuga romance: Flawar safe daban, na rana daban, na dare daban. Pet/sweet names kuwa ba'a magana. ayi shiru kawai). AMMA AKA KI BARI NA AURESHI, HAKA AKA TURA MIN WANI BAFULATANI KO ROSE BE TABA MIKOWABA >:((Hiss).
Quote from: Hafsy_Lady on March 14, 2008, 02:30:52 PM
...SHIYASA SHEKARU GOMA DA ZUKA WUCE NACE ZAN AURI WANI SPANISH BATURE AKA HANA NI A GIDA (kuzo kuga romance: Flawar safe daban, na rana daban, na dare daban. Pet/sweet names kuwa ba'a magana. ayi shiru kawai). AMMA AKA KI BARI NA AURESHI, HAKA AKA TURA MIN WANI BAFULATANI KO ROSE BE TABA MIKOWABA >:((Hiss).[/color]
I gotta hand it to you ;D
To amma duk wadannan flawowin da Dan-Bature-Mai-Jan-Kunne ya ba ki suna ina? Yanzu ai duk sunyi yaushi. Basu da wani value. Its all in ur head. Amma Dan Bafulatanin ki ko ba komai kya ci naman shanu ki sha nono. ;D
Quote from: Bakan~Gizo on March 14, 2008, 03:10:32 PM
Amma Dan Bafulatanin ki ko ba komai kya ci naman shanu ki sha nono. ;D
Abi, and e go show for her body. Wancan dan spanish kiwon flower zai mata
su IBB iyayen magana
Quote from: Dan-Borno on March 17, 2008, 05:06:55 PM
su IBB iyayen magana
To kai ya ka gani? Ai gaskiya BK ya fada mata
IBB, sai kuma aka cemaka kindirmo da nama ya dameni? Ga irin abun nan ai. You people are just proving yourself and giving my verdict on hausa men a solid ground to stand on! I remember commenting that all you people know is buy her ice-cream and meat and you "things" said I was wrong. Toh IBB........FOOD IS NOT ROMANCE................
ALLOW ME TO JUDGE SOME OF YOU THAT I HAVE PICKED UP RANDOMLY ON THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS BEFORE I TELL YOU WHATS BEHIND IT.
These are judt dummy questions, not real so dont take it personal..........
So IBB, you used to like this girl since high school years and you lost contact. Fate brought you back together and you are trying to rekindle your love for her. So a date is set..........show down........from A-Z tell me what you will do, romantically.
NEXT, Bakan-Gizo, You are marking your one year anniversary as a married man with your wife. Whats set for the romantic day?
NEXT iner daddy yake? Kaima matso. Dan-Borno. Your wife complained that all you do is work, work, work and even though she knows you care, she feels unimportant sometimes. You decided to stay the whole saturday with her instead of as usual spending it with your pen and paper. What's in for the romantic day?
NEXT....where is Admin? So you came home and your wive was a bit moody "just because she wants to be moody" you know women, we love attention. So how do you intend to brigthen up her day lovingly?
NEXT Ummita....he he he. So you back from work, feeling abit sad cos your boss was on your case. Already an over-heated argument erupted the night before, and you were on the usualities, silent treatment and you know its killing him. Tell us what you very well know he will do romantically to cheer you up and ask for your forgiveness. What's he gonna do? ;D
NEXT Husna......its your husbands end of the year award ceremonies and you told him you will be there prompt and would pick up his ceremonial suit for him and you forgot. You also forgot to tell him about the million dollar contract that awaits his phone call, he also forgot to check his flight bookings as he will be on business trip for a lengthy period. He comes up not upset but very sad as he will be leaving you the next day for his trip. You want to make up for all your wrongs. What will be the MOSTTTTTTTTTTT ROMANTIC thing you will do. ;D
NEXT Muhsin........you just met "tha one"!!!!! Eagerly you want to propose to her without making her feel, you moving to fast. How do you intended to do s romantically
NEXT Zeezee he he he, so she founds out that you are going out with her best freind. But deep inside you want her as wifey. How would you ask for forgiveness in the most romantic form?
NEXT Bamalli..........religiously, how romantic can you get with your muharram wifey after blessing you with a lovely child? And you want to do something religiouslyyyyyyyy romantic to show your appreciation, what will you do?
Dave..............you just got back with your "ex" after a failed marriage and she complained that you was just not romantic enough thats why she took off with the milkman and you are ready to show her that you are romantic too. First 5days, whats it gonna be?
Gogannaka, this is your very first date ever and you really want to impress her romatically. Whats on your plate?
Mufi, yours is very simple. From A-Z what is the most romantic thing you ever done to your other half?
Lastly Mudacris, you want to break off with a girl, how do you go about it "romantically"?
I will draw my conclusions from you and tell you what I think and we can all call this topic a wrap!!!!
By the way you will be graded based on your perfomance. ;D ;D
GOOD LUCK
Quote from: Hafsy_Lady on April 12, 2008, 05:20:36 PM
So IBB, you used to like this girl since high school years and you lost contact. Fate brought you back together and you are trying to rekindle your love for her. So a date is set..........show down........from A-Z tell me what you will do, romantically.
GOOD LUCK
What I will do on that is very simple, cheap and romantic Madam Hasfy, and let me tell you there is food involved.
I will invite her to my house and I will cook a romantic dinner for her. NO flowers, if you see anything close to flower on the table is spinatch.
Quote from: Hafsy_Lady on April 12, 2008, 05:20:36 PM
IBB........FOOD IS NOT ROMANCE................
My romantic date has prove FOOD can be ROMANCE. Ladies in the house are you with me?
Quote from: Hafsy_Lady on April 12, 2008, 05:20:36 PM
NEXT Husna......its your husbands end of the year award ceremonies and you told him you will be there prompt and would pick up his ceremonial suit for him and you forgot. You also forgot to tell him about the million dollar contract that awaits his phone call, he also forgot to check his flight bookings as he will be on business trip for a lengthy period. He comes up not upset but very sad as he will be leaving you the next day for his trip. You want to make up for all your wrongs. What will be the MOSTTTTTTTTTTT ROMANTIC thing you will do. ;D GOOD LUCK
I'll say to him
'Oh dear! amm.. well never mind.. what's a tinsy bitsy lill ceremony anyway?
oh about the contract... ahem... i heard that there will be another bidding for 20 million, so dont worry... so much about the loss of this one, even though they were there waiting for ur signature to seal the deal..
So u forgot to check yr flight booking? >:( must i do every thing for u. who tell u say na made to order secretary u married? o jare commot for my sight now. u are not serious.... ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D'
Quote from: Hafsy_Lady on April 12, 2008, 05:20:36 PM
NEXT, Bakan-Gizo, You are marking your one year anniversary as a married man with your wife. Whats set for the romantic day?
GOOD LUCK
I will sit down preparatory to drawing up a romantic action-plan. Then she would call to remind me that 'ba naman miya a gida'. I would pick up my phone, call mallam Rabiu mai kaji to send home 2 or 3 kajis. Back to my action plan. Half way through, a call from my boss to finalise those reports. So immersed in work that an manta da action plan. Finally I closed from work around 8.00pm. On my way home, she sends a text message, 'Frisocrem din muhammad ya kare'. So I branch at Kantin mallam Abubakar to get two tins. Got home by 9am, hungry and tired. Hugged her and say, 'happy first anniversary. Ina abinci na?'.
Quote from: Hafsy_Lady on April 12, 2008, 05:20:36 PM
NEXT iner daddy yake? Kaima matso. Dan-Borno. Your wife complained that all you do is work, work, work and even though she knows you care, she feels unimportant sometimes. You decided to stay the whole saturday with her instead of as usual spending it with your pen and paper. What's in for the romantic day?
i am proud of this ma daughter wallahi, she is so creative.
ok, back to ur question, what i will do on that free day is
to wear gajeren wando throughout the day. Bayan sallar
magariba kuma, i will take her out for a unique and special
dinner in a 5 star hotel and at the end of the day kuma i
will improve more on the usual thing.
Quote from: IBB on April 13, 2008, 01:05:59 AM
I will invite her to my house and I will cook a romantic dinner for her. NO flowers, if you see anything close to flower on the table is spinatch.
LOL...wallahi ka bani dariya.[/quote]
Quote from: Hafsy_Lady on April 12, 2008, 05:20:36 PM
NEXT Zeezee he he he, so she founds out that you are going out with her best freind. But deep inside you want her as wifey. How would you ask for forgiveness in the most romantic form?
GOOD LUCK
Character assasination???? Is this the easiest form of re-entrance into K-Online you have resorted to? At least a good one to get you hugs and more hugs after the long silence.
Glad to have you back sis, and even happier to see you are doing well, as well as having not changed at all :D
We missed u!
LOL...zata tona wa wasu asiri.
Quote from: gogannaka on April 14, 2008, 04:07:54 PM
LOL...zata tona wa wasu asiri.
lol. May be sun san juna ko?
wallahi bamu san juna ba....sharrin Hafsy ne kawai!
this comes through especially at a moment when I need my reputation to come clean soo badly :D
Can sombody tell me what is going on here? And how come people are getting interrogated by Hafsy? Since when did we began hosting celebrity shows? Whats going on? ???
Quote from: *~MuDa~* on April 15, 2008, 10:11:19 AM
Can sombody tell me what is going on here? And how come people are getting interrogated by Hafsy? Since when did we began hosting celebrity shows? Whats going on? ???
tell hafsy to bring down the water pot. its Ramadan time. Let her rest and then quench our thirsts? ko ba haka ba?
This little mahawara came up btw some guys (my cousin and his friends actually), and I thought I should put it here, ko na samu fatawa daga experienced mutanen forum. Unfortunately the ladies of the house have systematically disappeared. I know we'd have gotten valuable insight from them. Anyway, the question is this:
Is it romantically wrong to shower a girl you just met with gifts? Is it safe? Is it a wrong move? I mean, won't it spoil her? Would that stop her from loving you sincerely, instead looking at you "materially" so to speak? How do girls actually view guys that are eager to spend on them? If its a bad move, then how 'old' should a relationship be before a guy is safe and feel free spend on gifts?
This is a complex question BKGZ.
I know that the prophet says kyauta na kara soyayya and it really does.
Idan zaka yi kyauta kawai ka yi don Allah ba don neman birgewa ba. Most generous people find pleasure in yin kyauta not even to ladies but to everyone.
Amman dai like you said,a bar wa experts,mutanen gabas su yi magana akai.
bakangizo, stinginess no go do u good, in zaka yi kyauta kawai
kayi mata kyauta ba sai kayi engaging dinmu in a very long discussion
ba lol.
Is BKGZ's question answered? ???
BKGZ questioin requires no ans if i may say. At this stage of life i believe he knows what is right and wrong as per giving gift to ladies.
In zakayi kayi don Allah, and stop branding women as being gready. You know the gready ones why follow them?
Quote from: Dan-Borno on October 02, 2009, 11:24:51 AM
bakangizo, stinginess no go do u good, in zaka yi kyauta kawai
kayi mata kyauta ba sai kayi engaging dinmu in a very long discussion
ba lol.
It is not me really. Haba mallam, kaima kasan mun dade muna soyewa ;D We've seen the good and the bad. But like Hadley Chase said, "You Never Know With Women".
Quote from: IBB on October 02, 2009, 01:54:10 PM
BKGZ questioin requires no ans if i may say. At this stage of life i believe he knows what is right and wrong as per giving gift to ladies.
In zakayi kayi don Allah, and stop branding women as being gready. You know the gready ones why follow them?
You missed the point, broda. Firstly, no be me. So forget about "
at this stage of life I should know...." Seondly, the issue is not about "yi don Allah". It is about the genuine concern of a guy expressing the fear of his well intended action (gifts) being misinterpreted.
Kuma kar ka hada ni fada da su hajia Husnaa. Me I nefa brand women as gridi. :D
Quote from: Muhsin on October 02, 2009, 11:41:07 AM
Is BKGZ's question answered? ???
Ato. Maimakon su amsa sun tsaya suna 'yan surkulle. ::)
Nima zan so inji wannan amsar. Will help me a lot in my quest for. . .eh? ;D
BKGZ ai ba wani professional da zai iya amsa wannan tambayar.
Idan kana san mace kawai do the best you can and don't let misery take over.
Haka kuma don't over do o! Kada ka kai kanka inda Allah bai kai ba.
@ Muhsin, hope that satisfies your curiosity.
LOL ;D GGNK.
Yeah, it adds (not does, for I already posed that question to a female friend, and has aptly answered it).
And what was her answer?
He answer was lucid. In summary, she simply alluded no incentive relation.
And believe me, the girl is not greedy.
But come to think about it Muhsin, with all the tips you use to get here from the Veteran professionals in this game you should at least by now introduce us to your...you know lol!
Quote from: Muhsin on October 07, 2009, 05:21:06 PM
He answer was lucid. In summary, she simply alluded no incentive relation.
And believe me, the girl is not greedy.
And what does that
mean? Can you talk plain, straight english?
Quote from: *~MuDa~* on October 26, 2009, 03:44:40 PM
But come to think about it Muhsin, with all the tips you use to get here from the Veteran professionals in this game you should at least by now introduce us to your...you know lol!
I wish I had one.
Quote from: Bakan~Gizo on October 26, 2009, 05:42:46 PM
Quote from: Muhsin on October 07, 2009, 05:21:06 PM
He answer was lucid. In summary, she simply alluded no incentive relation.
And believe me, the girl is not greedy.
And what does that mean? Can you talk plain, straight english?
Hadn't noticed it; its a typo. Simple.
I wanted to write: no incentive
no relation.
My apology, Sir.
Muhsin ai an yi ba'a yi bane.
Kace kawai bata baka wani gamsasshen labari ba.