Are we romantic????????????!!

[Ibro2g]

Lol its been a while since I've had this much laughs....And it seems I had brain swap or something cuz I cant remember making a post here, and I made 2, lol.
Goggs, Husnaa, the doubles from hafcy and ummitah...lol

We got some really nice advice here and learnt alot. That it takes two, that it takes hard work, that we must be patient and loyal and romantic at least in our own ways. That we should be forgiving and never play mind games, cuz niether parties ever win. That we must never buy suya lol etc.

But how romantic are we today? We never really were, but we are all tryina be. I mean Rome wasnt built in a day. I believe there has been significant developement over the past few decades. From our parents who took bold steps in thier times, to our senior bros and sisters that go on dates after marriage and movies and stuff. To now, We(not me though) who take bolder steps to suprise, say words, comment, even lie to please the partner. we are a long way from there, but we are far from where we started.
Even in the case of polygamy, many men and women are begining to accept and play thier cards right according to thier religions and moral beliefs.


Like Husnaa mentioned, we live in a society with double standards of Hypocracy and we try to match it up. It is a difficult society we live in regarding the financial and socio-economic status of our society. Still, we smile evryday, we have faith in a better tomoro and we make "little efforts" to make things beter. This forum, this post is an evidence of these little efforts.

So, the question are we Romantic answers NO. but like manythings in this country and in the Hausa lands, we are getting there...slowly yes, still surely.


Safety and peace be upon u

[HUSNAA]

@ Husnaa- I thot the article was written by a woman (Whitney)  ???

So? ??? ??? Kai sunan ka Gogannaka in reality???.

The point is that it is supposed to make it more acceptable as advice coming from a woman than advice from a man to women. Obviously as its so heavily one sided, it wont be appreciated from a man. So get a feminine pseudonym... ko ba haka ba. In kuma mace ce ta rubuta wannan, then, she must be still be a twilight spinster wishful thinking..how she's goin treat her man! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

On one occasion a newly wed wife confided in me that she hates it when the only advice given to her is to 'yi hakuri' at all times. This made it seem to her that marriage is all cheat-no fairness.

Yi hakuri really has its limits if u are not cut out for sainthood ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

@Ummita- Many people have the traditional belief that our forefathers were always better. Why do you think that nowadays polygamous husbands cannot treat their wives equally?I mean if our forefathers can do it then why can't we?

who gave you the idea that or forefathers were able to do it? or were any better than the average husband of nowadays? human nature is time invariant. It doesnt change. Its never changed.  and it wont change.

Anyway in the Holy Qur'an Allah SWT Has Told humanity - men that they can never behave equitably towards their wives. To sai dai maza ku kamanta kurum tun da fadar Allah ce SWT

A man believes that showing too much of his emotions is a sign of weakness and as the protector, that becomes a minus.

One doesnt want a wimpy husband, neither does one want a hard hearted husband... the middle course pls.

@EMTL nice comparison....LOL.
In my case and Muda we're still preparing for our SSCE  ;D

Yr SSCEs: u mean u are at the level where u dont even have GFs or intended..then. cos that's SSCE level.
Degree level is when u are husband to no 1.
then sai ka je karo kwas with no 2
no three entitles u to an msc
and with no 4, ka digirgire.
amma at below ssce... lol ;D ;D ;D

PS A levels is when u have secured a fiancee!! ;D ;D

[Hafsy_Lady]

@Ummita- Many people have the traditional belief that our forefathers were always better. Why do you think that nowadays polygamous husbands cannot treat their wives equally?I mean if our forefathers can do it then why can't we?

Yawwa!!!! Alhamdulilahi!!!! Ka sa kanka cikin keji da nake so. To bari na ja maka ayoyi. Let me draw the differences for you, in so many angles, don haushin tambayannan, am ripping my point to you in all directions.

1. In the name of romantic love due on to your ancestral mothers, your forefathers were romantically sensitive to her needs, happiness and feelings, appease her needs, desires, fancy, feelings likes and dislikes, her consents and consideration. As long as she remains unhappy he remains unrested, crippled and imprisoned because it is the way he is taught by the culture to love during his time as such a "good husband". She becomes his idol, the ultimate determining factor, the final influence and actual decision maker. I do not mean women seek to be evil or possessive. But in your case, man of today, mhmmm you have been brainwashed and groomed into believing that you will become woman wrapper. A weak woman-beholden man who idolizes his wife in the name of love will end up being called "ai mijin hajiya ne". Sannun kuce kune romance! >:( (hiss)

2. Your forefathers were not weird men, in the sense that it is you men of nowadays that cannot even attach some sort of value or emotion to another woman and infact a woman you claim to love all because you are a "man". To sannunku maza! >:(

3. Your forefathers were men of God, who feared God rightfully, and never hypocrites. You men of nowadays, typical example. I caught my friends husband on their wedding day, winking at one of the bridesmaid. See faithfulness and loyalty in action!!! You will have more than 10 girlfriends outside. Your forefathers were focused: very, very, very, very, very focused! Maganan kishiya to them aint even an option(GOD BLESS THEM). Amman, mazan zamani, inaaaaa, mace na dan cika gishiri a miya by mistake, sai ace za'ayo mata kishiya! See mugu threat!!!  :o Chia, men wuna too wicked.
Gogannaka, har kana da bakin magana. Yanzu idan nace ka rantse baka taba yin yanmata a lokaci dayawa (gumi zaka fara yi). Forefather's dinku kuwa? Tabbas! Basu tabayi ba, abun kunyane idan ma sukayi. Akwai rikon amana, ku plate lambar ku yanzu, CIN AMANA DOUBLE ONE.

4. Your forefathers were not selfish. If it's their last 10 Naira, they will give it to their other halves. But you men of today, he he he (kayan bakin ciki). Da kyar ma kusa ma mace credit din 2000 Naira. Its even gone bad now, Like 3years ago, men were lavish amman yanzu idan banda rowa. Sai ku dakko katon kafafunku kuzo wajen yanmatan ku da daddare, kuyi ta zuba musu surutu, ga cizon mosquito, kuyi sallama ko sisi babu. Yanzu ya kamata ma mu saku kan albashi, da kudin tadi/magana (bearing in mind, double zaku biya idan muka gaya muku lafazai masu dadi), da kudi cizon mosquito da na tsayawa for those that do zance outside, idan kuma zaka zauna ne a sitting room din diganmu, kudin ma double ne. Ai ba kuma cewa nayi we after money ba, a'a, ai KYAUTA DA TUKWICI YANA CIKIN ADDINI.

5. Proceeding, your forefathers were level headed, kind hearted. You men of today boisterous, unkind and sometimes mannerless. She will cook some nice food for you, kaci ka wanke mata hannun a china plates da iyayenta suka turo ta dashi gidanka, ka zuba mata katon gyatsa ko dauko toothpick kana mata kyas kyas kana wullo mata remnants din naman da ya makale maka a gabza gabzan hakuranka. Ba ko honey sannu da aiki, bako, princess abinci ki yayi dadi. Bako sweetie ya gajiyan aiki! Mugun bagidaje kawai! Your forefathers will not hesitate to quickly help her pack the dishes. A big thank you and a big kiss and probably will massage her feets for her all the kitchen labour she did. Your forefathers helped in kitchens, and all domestic duties. Your type will very likely turn around and ask if he looked like a houseboy! >:(

6. Your forefathers are not afraid to show their love for the wives in public. At all. I was having a chat after visiting a friend of mine whose husband came back from work and was saying, a'a yau su hajiya Hafsy ne a gidannamu, my friend hurriedly went to hug him and I heard him mumbling ke, meye haka, Hafsy na kallonmu. (Hiss). Was thinking at heart, to, dan-kauyen bagidaje, wanda be iya romance ba, ba matar ka bace ta sunna bush man? Infact try playing this on irin waninnan Alhazan kanon they will end up scolding you! (ke, a gidanku ba'a koya miki tarbiya ba). All in the name of being the man!!!

7. Your forefathers marry till eternity and their love never ages in the eyes You men of nowadays are not even loyal with your words, talkless of your actions. You will tell her I love you na dan kwana biyu. As time passes when the "honeymoon" is over, your true identity comes out, differing views and wrong role becomes an issue and many times resulting in conflicts. She no longer appeals to you in a romantic way. The vicious cycle begins. Or if your woman begin get small eye bag and wrinkle. You go begin steal perfume for wife mirror dey comot for night in search of fresh blood or youngy to bring as amarya the next day >:(. Like I wasn't one before!!!!!! Bearing in mind that you married a brand new girl (yar leda) and possibilities kai you are not! At the end of the day her henna/lalle na amarci be ma fara fita daga hannunta ba, a sako mana yarmu. Kila ma akwai embryo in its development stage. A sako mana yarmu da tsohon cikin. Wanna rashin kirki naku da me yayi kama?

Sannan ku dinga birga cewa ku you are romatic and can show love! Don Allah kada ku karamin takaici don yanzu haushi ku nake ji. Gogannaka idan wannan be gamsar da kaiba zan debo manyan misalin dana ajiya gefe.

Dama, ni before I got hooked to mr man, sai da muka tsadance, I drew up a contract and he signed it because to me romantic love is where love is exalted above all other things for any relationship to be endearing. To be romantic, anything else and everything else must be secondary. I have 2 b exclusive the "ONLY" exclusive. Nice Primary babu Secondary, nice Exclusive babu Inclusive 8), so zancen kishiya bema tashi ba. Ehe! Kitkat da kai nake!!!!!!! ;D

[Dan-Borno]

Equality ‘red tape’ in polygamous household is something u will never, never, never, never, never, never and ever find in a “MAN” of today’s world.

Ummita, by implication, are saying their is no euqality in man's dictionary
today?

So my definition of equality between a man to his four wives is this: As you come trough that door after work, if you smile 32 teeth to Uwargida, and you smiled at Amarya but only 30 teeth came into display, to me……..its inequality!!! And if my definition is immoral, my ethical credence is also that there can be no impregnable evidence of fairness in today’s polygamous family! It is a thing of the past! Who disagrees?

I disagree with you, because your inexperience in the field of polygamy leads
you to make such statements.

Kekuma Hafsy da kike comparing dinmu da forefathers, why dont you compare
the women with our foremothers also.  The problem is from both sides.

[Ibro2g]

Hafcy gaskiya bayanin ki toh! :-\
True to the need of romance in marriage or relationships, but our forefathers were not romantic....at all. Why do u think we are not romantic, we didnt wake up and decided to change one suddenly, we inherited the lack of romance. we are simply tryina change for the better.

Men of God...forefathers...well. Let me tell you something. Do u know that uptill our fathers generations people dont perform sallah until they get married. They claim its not obligatory, many of them dont even continue afterall they are not used to it. They were uneducated and ignorant that only few become malamai, hence the unguwar malamai in every Hausa emirate. Dont even get me talking of the women.

Hafcy ke nan, level headed, kind hearted. I may agree, but helping out in the kitchen, now thats hilarious. Its a serious gene inherited in hausa land my dear, the bigmanism of the maigida didnt come ni the 70's as u assume, it has always been amongst us. Its Islam that came about to teach fairness and responsibilities of the spouse in both cases of male and female in marriage. Our tradition and way of life before Islam has put so much pressure and duties to the woman, ones u will consider unthinkable. Havent u noticed our neighbouring tribes, the ones that Islam hasnt penetrated? Thier wives go to farm, come back to cook, fetch water...Its like a lion and lioness situation, just that the wife doesnt get to beat up the husband to death, she is beaten instead. And with the lack of proper islamic education, we have become better muslims and better husbands than our forefathers who didnt even have to live up to the difficult "double hypocratic standards" that we live in today.

Yes our forefathers marry to eternity, but when u cross examine, some things are best left unsaid. They give thier wives the quit notice a hundred times all out of ignorance and bring them back into thier homes with traditional biko(after she is divorced), and lay with her. Focused, they give her the quit notice every ten minuits even, trust me I have heard. Like I said, some things are best left burried with them. They do marry to eternity though, but the issue of a single wife....u gotta be kidding me. Ko a tarihi ko tatsuniyar hausa, there has never been a man with only one wife. If there is, he must be a teenager or something. it was regarded as prestige and maturity, it was a measure of man and manpoer and wealth and strenght to marry many wives and give birth to as many children possible. Isn't it the trait that we inherit till today?

Cizon sauro, surutu....l ;Dol toh, if it bothers them that much, in anje kar su fito. They should demand for thier salary and see how long they can keep up. Remember that Aure, zance, whatever, is not a one way thing, toh. Besides, ba ku kuka ce baku cin tsire ba? :D

Lastly, I'm so sorry, u were saying something about being in a bad mood. I hope u get better hafcy.

May safety and peace be with u

[Muhsin]

Dama, ni before I got hooked to mr man, sai da muka tsadance, I drew up a contract and he signed it because to me romantic love is where love is exalted above all other things for any relationship to be endearing. To be romantic, anything else and everything else must be secondary. I have 2 b exclusive the "ONLY" exclusive. Nice Primary babu Secondary, nice Exclusive babu Inclusive 8), so zancen kishiya bema tashi ba. Ehe! Kitkat da kai nake!!!!!!! ;D [/color]

You sounded too confident. Am afraid but maza ba a ci musu alwashi. He can, aftr seeing another girl maybe too ::) than uwar gidan yace; since even our prohpet is polygamous, so let me emulate him/ only mara adalci ne will o to hearafter claiming he's one wife in duniya. You see from then labari zaisha banban!

There is one man in our unguwa; he's always praying day and night ya kara aure. His so-called reason is, what I can call, base on misunderstanding on the verse that says; "Wa in khiftum alla ta'adiluu fa waahidatun..." And shi kuma mai adalchi ne. In his words, whoever refuses to marry two to above wives while he's capable to, Allah would charge him as been mara adachi a gidan duniya.

Hajiya Hafsy, kitkat kyale ta. Hakan zata iya faruwa akanta. :o ;D :D

[HUSNAA]

only mara adalci ne will go to hearafter claiming he's one wife in duniya.

Ahem!! Ban taba jin tabargaza irin wannan ba!

[Muhsin]

only mara adalci ne will go to hearafter claiming he'd one wife in duniya.

Ahem!! Ban taba jin tabargaza irin wannan ba!

Kema dai kince. :o

You'll be even more surprised if you know how he is, whats his earning, how is his house and other stuff about him. He's completely pitiful but what he adores most in his life is to add another wife. He now have two! What a thoughtlessness, ko? Allah ya kyauta.

[ummita]

Woman, u r too much!!! Number FIVE is the bestttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. Infact, kwana biyu, need to call and touch base with you. 

5. boisterous, unkind and sometimes mannerless. She will cook some nice food for you, kaci ka wanke mata hannun a china plates da iyayenta suka turo ta dashi gidanka, ka zuba mata katon gyatsa ko dauko toothpick kana mata kyas kyas kana wullo mata remnants din naman da ya makale maka a gabza gabzan hakuranka. Ba ko honey sannu da aiki, bako, princess abinci ki yayi dadi. Bako sweetie ya gajiyan aiki! Mugun bagidaje kawai!

Honty Afusatu............woman! U r too much. U've killed meh D ;D ;D ;D D ;D ;D ;D

7. Or if your woman begin get small eye bag and wrinkle. You go begin steal perfume for wife mirror dey comot for night in search of fresh blood or youngy to bring as amarya the next day At the end of the day her henna/lalle na amarci be ma fara fita daga hannunta ba, a sako mana yarmu. Kila ma akwai embryo in its development stage. A sako mana yarmu da tsohon cikin. Wanna rashin kirki naku da me yayi kama?

Am in stiches.......innalilahi!!!!!Kin sha wani abu ne yeu? D ;D ;D ;D D ;D ;D ;D

I have 2 b exclusive the "ONLY" exclusive. Nice Primary babu Secondary, nice Exclusive babu Inclusive 8), so zancen kishiya bema tashi ba. Ehe! Kitkat da kai nake!!!!!!! ;D

Inyeeee!!!!!!!! EXCLUSIVE!!!!!! Bani Biyar!!!!! ;D ;D D ;D ;D ;D

Toh, Kitkat n G-naka, Hafsy has done the homework!!! Kitkat wassap? Bodi don cold? ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

PS: Dan Borno, I will get bck 2 u in due course, I cnt start a serious conversation in light of Hafsy's commentaries ;D ;D ;D ;D

[ummita]

Yes our forefathers marry to eternity, They give thier wives the quit notice a hundred times all out of ignorance and bring them back into thier homes with traditional biko(after she is divorced)

Well that's a man for you. Very typical of man! Instead of you to bury your weaknesses, you are here igniting ur own fire and digging your pit deeper.....CLASSIC!!!!!............


Dont let Hafsy c this........ ;D

[Dan-Borno]

Woman, u r too much!!! Number FIVE is the bestttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. Infact, kwana biyu, need to call and touch base with you. 

Am in stiches…….innalilahi!!!!!Kin sha wani abu ne yeu? D ;D ;D ;D D ;D ;D ;D

Inyeeee!!!!!!!! EXCLUSIVE!!!!!! Bani Biyar!!!!! ;D ;D D ;D ;D ;D

Kiyi ta zuga ta, har da tafa hannu ko?

[*~MuDa~*]

@ HafsyLady and Meetah.... you know whenever i look at the whole situation of this arguement, women rantting about men not being equal and ish, you know i do sum it all up to be a kind of jealousy from the womenfolk  man is given the right to marry up to four wives, but then have you ever wondered why Allah has ordained it to be so? Its not the men's fault after all!

[precious]

Har duniya ta nade baza a daina wannan debate din ba.I think all sides have their points.

With regard to Hafcy's answers to GGNK  I think our fore fathers were actually worse.In my own opinion matan ne were a lot more patient than matan yanzu,they were more illiterate and had no backing to retaliate,fight back or just plain pack their things su koma gidan ubansu.They just stayed and took it all in their stride as part of their marriage,and always believed they had less rights then than us ladies do now.Now adays mata sun san kome,suna da ilimi,da kuma gajen hakurin.
But still its not to say that bama  hakuri da mazajen.Its still the same debate as I've seen in other threads,too.Maza still want everything from a woman but a woman cannot demand anything from themI hate the issue of kishiya.Men just think they can be just,are up to the task.They are not.In fact one thing I have noticed is that ayar ma da ake quoting farkon kawai ake yi,ba a karasawa har karshe.Ku je ku karanto man  ku gani.

Abount romance.We are all different.Some men and women are shy,others are not.Some just need a little encouragement.
I once told him,look before going to the office I need a hug and a kiss.And also when you are back.And it wasnt so diificult.What a man wants his partner do to,why not try asking and then doing the same.Whats so difficult about that.

[Ibro2g]

And it wasnt so diificult.What a man wants his partner do to,why not try asking and then doing the same.Whats so difficult about that.

Allah ya biya ki...

[*~MuDa~*]

I once told him, look before going to the office I need a hug and a kiss.And also when you are back. And it wasnt so diificult.

You know i almost cracked my ribs when i saw this, you put so much humour in it...lol. By the way, i'm quite touch by the approach you gave the arguement. And whats better? You were right too. But then how many Hausa women or women would succumbn to that? HOnestly, very little will be able to put up to such courage.