hey everyone
jus thought that we all need a laugh atleast once when we visit this site rite?
ok, if u have an interesting, funny, hilarious... joke, share it!
ok every one
i hav one
*Big Boss Man
when the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be boss
The brain said, "i should be boss because i control the whole body's responses and functions."
the feet said,"we should be boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go"
the hands said," we should be boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
and so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyesuntil finally the asshole spoke up. all the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole beign boss. so the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. eventually they all decided that the asshole should be boss, so the motion was passed. all the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the shit!
moral of the story: u dont need brains to be a bos - any asshole will do!
;D ;D ;D
oops. :o
i meant
moral of the story: u dont need brains to be a boss- any ASSHOLE will do
not any not a very nice person
what is wrong with this thing?
i said any ass hole will do not any not a very nice person
hey ya alien :D
got 1 4 ya
Annoyin boy on Bus.
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yellin,"if ma dad was a bull and ma ma a cow ,i i'd be alittle bull
the driver starts gettin mad at the noisy kid, who continues wit,"if ma dad was an elephant and ma mom a girl elephant, i would be a little elephant"
da kid goes on wit sveral animals until da bus driver gets angry and yells at da kid, "wat if ur dad waz a drunk and ur ma was a prostitue!"
da kid smiles and says' i would be a bus driver."
;D
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
nice one friend
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
very funny!
a letter from a redneck mother to her son
Dear son,
I'm writing this slow coz i know u cant read fast. we dont live where we did b4 u left. your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. wont be able to send u the address because the last family that lived here took the numbers with them so they wont hav to change their address.
this place has a washing machine. the first day i put 4 shirts in it, pulled the chain and havent seen them since.
it only rained twice this week. three days the first time, and four days the second time.
the coat u wanted me to send u, Aunt sue said it would be a liitle too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off abd put them in the pockets.
we got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didnt make the final payment on grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.
About ur sister, she had a baby this morning. i havent found out if it is a boy or a girl so i dont know if u're an aunt or an uncle.
ur uncle john fell in the whiskey vat. some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. we cremated him and he burned for three days.
3 of ur friends went off the bridge in a pickup. one was driving and the other twwo were in the back. the driver got out. he rolled down the window and swam to safety. the other two drowned. they couldnt get the tail gate down.
not much more news this time. nothing much happened. if you dont get this letter, please let me know and i will send another one.
love, ma
k, i hav one:
the prsidents of kenya and ghana where havin tea at a hotel n the ghanian president said to the kenyan, "do u know that my driver is very stupid? jus watch if u dont believe me."
he called his driver. "yes sir" the driver hurried over. "john, here is $10 go n get me a brand new mercedes benz, k?" "u got it sir." and he left.
the 2 presidents laughed n the kenyan pres. said, "ur driver really is stupid. but nt as stupid as my driver." he called his driver. "Henry, go home n see if i am home." "right away sir" n he left. the 2 pres.s laughed n laughed.
the two drivers now met on the way.
john said to Henry. "seriously, my master is just so stupid. can u believe what he just did? he gave me $10 to buy him a brand new mercedes and he knows perfectly well that today is sunday and the showroom is closed."
henry said" well, my master is much more stupid. he told me to go home and see if he is home when he could just use his mobile phone to call home and ask if he is home!"
:D :D :D
an english professor wrote the ff words on the blackboard and told his students to punctuate the sentence:
"woman without her man is nothing"
the men wrote: "woman, without her man, is nothing."
the women wrote: "woman: without her, man is nothing."
LOl! LOl! LOl! :lol: :lol: :lol:
lol lol lol..........:
Hope you enjoy this one:
A rich Igbo man was about to give his daughter in wedlock so he announced in the town that anyone who would like to marry his daughter should come to his house.
On that day all the able bodied men assembled in the swimming pool area of the man's house.In addition to giving out his daughter he said he'd give the successful groom 15 million naira if anyone could swim from one end of the swimming pool to the other end.The men immediately started removing their clothes and bouncing into the water.Right then a helicopter flew to the pool area and dropped loads and loads of crocodiles and snakes into the pool :twisted: :twisted: Haba! all of them instantly vacated the swimming pool.Some even chanted 'make he go marry him daughter,who tell am say the 15 mil bother us?'.Suddenly someone was seen in the pool twisting and turning to avoid the reptiles till he reached the end of the pool.After succesfully coming out of the water the Father of the lady was so pleased he asked the man what on earth would he want?After recovering from the terror the hero answered shivering "show me the pessin wey push me inside the water".[/size]
Those drivers..hahahahahha :D :D
real stopids..lol
Wani mutum that cannot speak Arabic went to an arab shop in saudi and he bought a jallabiya and then he wore it to see if it fits him sai saman wuyan rigar yayi masa kadan yana dan shaqe shi.
Yana so ya ma the Arab explaining and he cant speak Arabic so he just said to the Arab...ya ustaz, Izas samaun shaqqat!
Q: why did the 19 morons go to the movies?
A: b coz it said "under 18 not allowed!"
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Someone saw Nasruddin searching for something on the ground.
"what have you lost?" he asked
"my kee" said Nasruddin. so they both went down on their knees and looked for it.
After a while the other man asked: "where exactly did you drop it?"
"in my own house"
"then why are you looking here?"
"there is more light here than inside my house." :lol: :lol: :lol:
steven was walking through the streets at midnight. the watchman asked:
"what r u doin out so l8 young man"
"my sleep has disappeared and i am looking for it!"
haha :lol: :lol: :lol: , nice joke.
A woman went to see the doctor with a small child.
"The child is very small and is not growing" she told the doctor "It is not putting on weight".
"Hm" said the doctor examining the child "it looks under-nourished. Open your blouse and remove your bra" he asks the woman.
She does so and the doc gently squeezes one breast. Then the other one. He rubs then a little then squeezes them gently again. Then he strokes the breasts for a few minutes and squeezes them gently again.
"Hm" he says to the women. "You have no breast milk."
"I know that" says the woman. "I am the child's grandmother. But I sure am glad I came"
LOL LOL LOL............so old woman ma sabi?
Shegiya...she is happy zat she habe been touched apter a bery long ytm...lol,lol. i got 1 2...check it out:
A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled her in Catholic school in the hopes to improve her math grades. During the first marking period, her mother noticed a dramatic improvement in her math studies. The girl would refuse playing with friends and eating dessert after dinner in order to study more.
On report card day, her mother was astonished to see that her daughter got an A+ in math. She asked her daughter, ?Why the sudden change of attitude about math -- do the nuns punish you?? The girl replied, ?No, but when I saw the little man on the wall nailed to the plus sign, I knew that this school is very serious about math!?
I'VE HEARD OF MALAMAI MASU CIRE ALJANU DAGA JIKIN MUTANE BUT NEVA HAV I WITNESSED IT NOR HEARD D TAPE,SAI LAST WEEK NAJE WAJEN WANI ABOKINA NA TARAR DA SHI YANA JIN TAPE DIN CIRE ALJANNU ,SAI NA ZAUNA CAREFULY .......
MALAM 2 ALJANI::::ZAKA FITA KO BAZA KA FITA BA?
ALJANN::::::::ZAN FITA
MALAM:::::::::::::TO INA SHEDAN YAKE?
ALJANI:::::::::;WALLAHI YANZU YA WUCE AGUJE TA GABAN KA...
LOL...... :D :D IZNT DAT REELY FUNNY?????
me i dont get!!! :? [/quote]
*A man is suing a bank that he attempted to rob.After employees of the bank realized he was deaf,they were able to talk during the attempted robberry,which made it easy to stall the would be robber untill the police arrived.The failed bank robber is suing the bank for discrimination.
*The Anheuser busch company was sued by a man for emotional distress,because he had no luck with the ladies after drinking their product.
Ahmed, a very popular man has died. Many people come to the burial. As the body is being lowered minto the grave a Hausa man steps forward and says "I owe Ahmed 10,000 Naira and he had died. I must repay him." He throws 10,000 Naira into the grave.
A Yoruba then steps forward and says "I also owed Ahmed money and I must repay". He throws 15,000 Naira into the grave.
The an Ibo man steps forward and says "I owed Ahmed 20,000 Naira and I must pay my debt." So he writes a cheque for 45,000 Naira, throws it into the grave and takes out the 25,000 Naira the others threw in.
You can, of course, use whatever tribes you like for this joke. When I heard it it was about an Irishman, and Englishman and a very smart
Scotsman.
Its been long since we had some laffs! :lol: :lol:
Here are some jokes involving robbery cases.....
Enjoy:
Some armed robbers were carrying out an operation.
They instructed that those with money shud move to
the right while those without money should move to
the left.
The movement began but some moved niether left
nor right.
One of the robbers saw this.He hisses and shook his
head in shame,saying 'mtssss!dishonesty everywhere'
(look who's talking)....lol
2.During another operation,the robbers instructed.
"Maza su yi nan,mata su yi can"
Sai suka ga wani namiji tsamo tsamo a cikin mata.
Suka ce 'kai meka ke yi a cikin mata?Kai ba namiji bane?
Sai yace "a'a inaaa yallabai,ni ba namiji bane kune maza"
(he isn't man enuff.....) they couldnt help laughing.
3.The third one is a lousy one i guess,but here goes:
They were carrying out an operation.
If they searched you and found no money on you,
they'd ask your name and scratch it on your back
with a razor blade.
When they asked someone,he told them his name is I.K.
He knelt down and they painfully scratched I.K on his back.
As he was about to get up from his kneeling positon,his ID
card fell and they saw his name was Augustine Chukuemeka
Ikenna.............They stroke out the IK as you would strike a
mistake on paper and wrote his full name..........
(Allah sarki IK..)
Heyy heyy i'm not being devilish here.........
Allah ya kare mu.....Ameen.
A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have
a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only
know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. 'Want
to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a
solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over
to my house and I will put them with my two male talking
parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible.
My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that
terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise
and worship."
"Thank you!" the woman responded.
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the
priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary
beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two
female parrots in with the male parrots and the female
parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and
exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been
answered!"
another one!
Actual dialog of a former Wordperfect Customer Support
employee:
"Wordperfect Customer Support; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the
words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept
anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
"Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there
were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and
find the other cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into
the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way
over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's
because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked
now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing
stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up
just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the
store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"TELL THEM YOU'RE TOO STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER!!!."
LOL LOL LOL
I cant stop laffing :lol: :lol:
Those parrots were saints.......lol
Aayshaluv plz register diz in ur mind,huh.....we all aint clowns,plz lets get serious again
plz aayshaluv,am sorry 4 d previous reply i posted.i culdnt come up wit somethin funny coz aint nuttin pretty but recently a friend of mine sent me a funny text though in a very nasty way.i decided 2 share it wit every
body.it goez like diz:
in a certain primary skool,durin exams ,d class uncle gave an exam quet dat every pupil shuld draw a female reproductive organ.as d exam waz on,a girl luked at d tiny lips in btw her legz and started drawin,den a boy saw her and shouted:uncle!,uncle!,shes copyin from d original!LOL :lol: LOL :lol:
Quote from: "sa salati"Aayshaluv plz register diz in ur mind,huh.....we all aint clowns,plz lets get serious again
BA WANI HAKURI, HALAYYAKA TA MU'AMULA DA JAMA'A NE BABU DADI. BAIWAR ALLAH YA YI TOPIC KA FITO KANA KUSHE TA, AMMAN YANZU KA TASO DA NAKA HAUKAR DON KANA SON BA BAMU LABARI SHINE ZAKA ZAGAYO BADA HAKURI. "AKACE DA MAHAUKACI YANCE HAR KUN TUNA MIN"
cool,cool,i can bebeji u r tryin 2 step on ma toez.know diz, wen u dine wit d devil,u use a long spoon coz am sick enuff 2 2wist ur shit and hit it bak atchu.
Quote from: "sa salati"cool,cool,i can bebeji u r tryin 2 step on ma toez.know diz, wen u dine wit d devil,u use a long spoon coz am sick enuff 2 2wist ur nuts and hit it bak atchu.
lol......infacts laff ma ass out.......wallahi i think u're d "old nick" only if u know wut dat means(hint:d devil himself).
Quote from: "Eskimo"Those drivers..hahahahahha :D :D
real stopids..lol
KAI DAI BA A I YA MAKA
WHERE ALL THOSE CASH WE U AND "LOKO" CHOT FOR B U K ABI LOKO DON DISAPPEAR WITH ALL THE CASH????
Quote from: "Eskimo"Wani mutum that cannot speak Arabic went to an arab shop in saudi and he bought a jallabiya and then he wore it to see if it fits him sai saman wuyan rigar yayi masa kadan yana dan shaqe shi.
Yana so ya ma the Arab explaining and he cant speak Arabic so he just said to the Arab...ya ustaz, Izas samaun shaqqat!
MAN BE CAREFUL OR ONE DAY U GO SEE THUNDER FROM THE NET.
Danfulani Joke
Wani bafillatani ne watarana ya fita kiwon shanunsa a daji sai ya hango wata bishiya ya ce bari ya dan kwanta a karkashinta ya huta. yana cikin barci sai barayi suka zo suka sace shanun suka yi masa aski kwalkwal. da ya farka daga barci ya ga ba shanun sai ya shafa kan sa ya ce- "awf ashe maa baa ni ba ne!"
Slow down maaami, jokin wit mah ppl aint funneee 2 mehhhhhhhhh. Am mad @ yah :evil: (she laffs).........
oh well am bad it tellin jokes...........lemme copy & paste a joke from a(she laffs). Pro'lly u had all heard o it sef!
THIS IS JOKE MADE FROM HEAVEN
Gabriel came to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to
you. I have some Nigerians up here in Heaven who are
causing some problems. They are swinging on the Pearly
Gates, my horn is missing, Maggi sauce and Ogbono soup
are all over their robes; Isi-ewu, Cow-feet
and Bokoto bones are all over the streets of Gold;
some folk are walking around with one wing, they have
been late taking their turn in keeping the stairway to
heaven clean. Some aren't even wearing their halos, saying
it doesn't fit with their hairstyles."
The Lord said, "I made them special, as I did you, my
angel. Heaven is home to all my children. If you
really want to know about problems, let's call the
Devil."
The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? What the....!,
hold on one minute." The Devil returned to the phone
and said, "Hello Lord, what can I do for you?" The
Lord replied, "Tell me what kind of problems you are
having down there." The Devil said, "Wait one minute,"
and put the Lord on hold. After 5 minutes he returned
to the phone, and said "Okay, I'm back. What was the
question?" The Lord said, "What kind of problems are
you having down there?" The Devil said, "Man, I don't
belieee.! ....hold on, Lord". This time the Devil was
gone for 15 minutes. The Devil returned and said, "I'm
sorry Lord, I can't talk right now. These Nigerians
put the fire out,and now they are trying to install
air conditioning! They even bribed my guys!!"
Quote from: "ummita"Slow down maaami, jokin wit mah ppl aint funneee 2 mehhhhhhhhh. Am mad @ yah :evil: (she laffs).........
:lol: no offence meant to all the fulani peeps in the forum!! there a lot more bafillatani jokes to come though so get ready!!!!!!!
Heard this on the radio the other day on a programme highlighting the problem of the deterioration of hausa usage and grammer by the present generation of youths and how some words are even fading away.
Mother peeps into daugthers room after preparing a meal in the kitchen and asks:
" Aisha kina son burabusco"
Aisha replies: " wanene kuma burabusco, ya ce yana sona ne?"