Human beings naturally change with time and circumtance.It is partly as a result of knowledge that people go in to long courtships with their would-be spouses in order for them to be able to understand and get to know ?themselves before getting married.How ever,the question is,does this period of familiarisation always leads to a blissfull mariage?even if it leads,does the marriage last?
Salam,
Sincerely speakin Barde, Courtship shud last juss one day!!!
In d mornin luv @ first syt, fall inluv & start courtin
In d evenin..........get engaged
@ Nyt.......get married.......
but honestly speakin with regards 2 wat u said based on, if ppl r married wud it last?
Technically speakin, it may & it may not.......if d shoe fits in where it wud then b it!!!
Ma cozin brova always lyk quotin this:
A woman is a woman therefore she may b wooed
A woman is a woman therefore may b won!
but how far true iz that?
Even thou luv & marriage, luv & marriage go 2gether hand in hand lyk horse & cariage but still
those words of 2 hav & 2 hold from this day 4ward, 4 better or worse, for richer 4 poorer, in sickness & in health, 2 luv, cherish, & 2 obey, till death 2 us part........heck!!!!
I kan still contradict on that.
First & foremost.......not hausa men!!!! neva!!! mhm amm, naws, No absolutely no.....Du u know Igbo men keep 2 their promises better than hausa man.....thats y me & Obinna r engaged(she laffs) 8)Hey lay_deez 4 a real regular guy who wills stick 2 marriage vows & not leave u waitin in d middle of d alter, who kan call around d clock, 4 those that wanna marry till death du them part........get an Igbo man ;)
secondly 2 me marriage is d waste-paper basket of emotions
Marraige is a bribe 2 make a house keeper think she's a householder ::)
Marriage is d sign of predominators (in a sense men!)
women bcum bay_bee producin machine
& I can go on & on..............
& sumtyms most marriages dont add 2 ppl 2gether. they subtract one from d other.
Marriage in life is like a field of battle and not a bed of roses. Why? I hav neva seen ma freind 'n' her husby in gud term...always @ each others neck. May b iz bcuz she iz 2 young....nah ::)! Its obvious!!! bahaushene :P
but........well marriage & courtship mhmm :-X
Marriage works 4 alot but still :-/ :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X
But hey marriage iz sunni & Islamicity says it all, so who am I 2 argue with d first principles of Islam? Absolutely not, but I can argue with regards 2 wat Barde said bout marriage & courtship weda they work & go hand in hand..so none shud get me wrong....
Pretty difficult 2 tlk bout marriage :-/ u dont know which iz which!! Well from this onwards I will say no more.....& let no one get bck up facts 2 diagree with ma judgements..cuz I dont wan2 say no more (she laffs)..........anyways I was juss mere rantin........I think it all cumz down 2 gettin MR RIGHT for those.,,,errr :-X
Kai this aint ma field.......let me b off 2 d nxt zone...........I heresay sum1 was tlkin bout football........this calls 4 destruction...........
Oh shud I not 4get......Barde I dey welkom u....sannu der zuwa. Join d major high way society & all 2gether ku karamaner ilimi. Nice Topic
QuoteSalam,
Sincerely speakin Barde, Courtship shud last juss one day!!!
In d mornin luv @ first syt, fall inluv & start courtin
In d evenin..........get engaged
@ Nyt.......get married.......
I kan still contradict on that.
First & foremost.......not hausa men!!!! neva!!! mhm amm, naws, No absolutely no.....Du u know Igbo men keep 2 their promises better than hausa man.....thats y me & Obinna r engaged(she laffs) 8)Hey lay_deez 4 a real regular guy who wills stick 2 marriage vows & not leave u waitin in d middle of d alter, who kan call around d clock, 4 those that wanna marry till death du them part........get an Igbo man ;)
secondly 2 me marriage is d waste-paper basket of emotions
Marraige is a bribe 2 make a house keeper think she's a householder ::)
Marriage is d sign of predominators (in a sense men!)
women bcum bay_bee producin machine
& I can go on & on..............
& sumtyms most marriages dont add 2 ppl 2gether. they subtract one from d other.
Marriage in life is like a field of battle and not a bed of roses. Why? I hav neva seen ma freind 'n' her husby in gud term...always @ each others neck. May b iz bcuz she iz 2 young....nah ::)! Its obvious!!! bahaushene :P
I have to say I couldnt ignore all these, haba! Meeta, ke how do you even know hausa men are not the best in keeping vows whne you have never been married before. ko kinyi ne bada saninmu ba lol.
Ummita we marry women to love them and have them as our sole mates and not because of the reasons you listed above. Haba! lol lol it was funny when I read that. Only ignorant men marry women for just those purposes. I raise my case! I have alot to say but for now, lets see what my fellow brothers have to say.
Nas, dont u worry...
...Haha Ummitah, u have alwaiz hated that word ;love and even feared the other: Marriage. You need to sit down, and hit some things in ur head, reason, try again, but dont run okay...and oh...tell Obinna congratulations! ;D
courtship lasts as long as it could, give urselvs space to understand each other, I mean no one eva spoke about time limitations ,or is there? The main essence of it is to know and understand before u make a hard decision of a life time...I shouldn`t say much
gotta go
QuoteSalam,
Sincerely speakin Barde, Courtship shud last juss one day!!!
In d mornin luv @ first syt, fall inluv & start courtin
In d evenin..........get engaged
@ Nyt.......get married.......
secondly 2 me marriage is d waste-paper basket of emotions
Marraige is a bribe 2 make a house keeper think she's a householder ::)
Marriage is d sign of predominators (in a sense men!)
women bcum bay_bee producin machine
& I can go on & on..............
&
he he he veryyyyyyyyyy GASKIYA veryyyyyyyy TRUE darling!!!
Besides men they never keep to their words. Now men dont even do anything like courtship plzzzzzz as if we care ::)
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he he he veryyyyyyyyyy GASKIYA veryyyyyyyy TRUE darling!!!
Besides men they never keep to their words. Now men dont even do anything like courtship plzzzzzz as if we care ::)
Haba twinkle,how can you say that men don't keep to their words,if there are those that don't keep to their words are women, always changing like chameleon.sorry if i may sound some how.
Twinkle, dont let this started again! Its been on and on.
But before it starts I gotta say one thing...Men dont keep their words in as much as women dont....so...
all i will say is that courtship should last a lifetime....
infact it should be eternal....
even if ur married for 100 years...there should still be a courtship kinnda relationship, u know somethin to gear up and tighten the relationship, to make it last......
love doctor is out........PAZ
hm ku jira lokacin ku ;D
hehehehe
hehehehe
hehehehh
whateva man!
that was off da hook...
U r my shadow motivation
U've got me thru' d day
U r my source my of inspiration
Everything I have 2 say
U r d sunshine in my morning
U r d light along d day
But I'm giving u a warning
And place it with no delay
But if dat's not enough
There is nothing left 2 say
But u sure got me wrong
Cos' loooove, AIN'T NO HOLIDAY
NO HOLIDAY(4x)...
It was just yesterday, I could not sleep and was just playing ma Old Skool, then came up dis song: Ain't No Holiday, by Native. It was then it crossed my mind that there's some topic in dis forum that finds relevance in d content of d song. I stood up or is it stood down or is it stood sit, I dunno. What I am sure of is dat there was a movement from my lying-down position 2 my sitting-down position 2 write d lyrics of d song: LOVE AIN'T NO HOLIDAY, NO HOLIDAY, NO HOLIDAY, NO HOLIDAY...
Ma gud ppl , since 'tis courtship we r discussing not courtPlane, courtBus, courtCar or courtMotorcycle I really agree wid dis Native ppl: Love is not holiday. 'tis a process not an end; 'tis an action not a feeling; a verb that must always be performed not an abstract noun that comes when it feels like coming. We must note here that 'tis Hollywood scripts that turned love into feeling as opposed to action. But in all d literature of any progressive societies love is understood 2 be a verb. There 4 if u found ur self in a relationship, know that 'tis not just holidaying dat keeps it but hard work and sacrifice, not even understanding or overstanding or even standing, no, Sacrifice. It really doesn't matter whether u decided to marry after 2 weeks of ur 1st meeting like Hillary and Clinton or u agreed to spend a yr together before tying it. The non-holiday activities most continue 2 proceed 4 life. 'Tis ur effort. U give it life and fate (hear dis Ummita). Dat is why after spelling out d duties and responsibilities of husband and wife in Islam, God followed wid d strict injunction that u must continue 2 remain kind 2 each other. After all in d above lyrics it was source of INSPIRATION it was said not EXPIRATION.
courtship should last 7 mins and 16 seconds
there shouldn't be courtship!
Just parents decides. as in the Hausa movies (LOL)
This is a crazy idea and should be ignored
QuoteThere 4 if u found ur self in a relationship, know that 'tis not just holidaying dat keeps it but hard work and sacrifice, not even understanding or overstanding or even standing, no, Sacrifice.
Waz.......I dont think sacrifice is the bond that keeps relationships working.....because from the standpoint of pure reason, there are no good grounds 2 support d claim that one should sacrifice one's own happiness to that of others!!!
WAZIRI self-sacrifice enables us 2 sacrifice other ppl without blushing.......so wat makes u think if u can sacrifice ur life & fate 2 d gurl of ur dreams........she wont sacrifice u up 4 another man????
Trust is enough 4 a person in a relationship 2 go 2 d extend of sacrifice. Wud u sacrifice (.....lets say......those huge sum of money u hav instored in ur account 2 ur gurl) without half knowin whether she cares enough let alone trust, talkless of her makin sacrifices 4 ur sake!!?
2 luv some1 is 2 isolate him from d world, wipe out every race of him, dispossess him of his shadow, drag him in2 murdereous future. It is a circle around d other like a dead star & absorb him in2 a black light.......
if luv cud du all these...........wud u makes those sacrifices?
Marriage on d other hand is a wonderful invetion; but then again, so is a bicycle repair kit..........cuz gettin marriage is like the begining of endless arguments........
QuoteU give it life and fate (hear dis Ummita). Dat is why after spelling out d duties ? and responsibilities of husband and wife in Islam, God followed wid d strict injunction that u must continue 2 remain kind 2 each other. ?After all in d above lyrics it was source of INSPIRATION it was said not EXPIRATION.
Even wen Allah subhanawata'ala gave strict injuction that both parties should remain kind 2 each other. U tell me how many ppl r still followin this rule? How many men r obeyin these words of ALLAH? How many fateful, loyal & trust worthy men r still remain on these earth?
Why would someone dwell in2 courtin either relationship talkless of marriage givin their life & fate! wen on d other hand........not d other party is willin 2 du so 4 eternity. U know wen LOVE OR MARRAIGE really works!!!! it only works only in d beginin stages of courtin.....d lovers absense stimulates ur imagination, forming a sort of aura around him or her. But this aura fades wen u know too much wen ur imagination no longer has room like anyone else, a person whose presence is taken 4 granted. Hence if a woman sacrfices all 4 marraige or relationship, putin her life & fate! which is also a sacrifice on its own........if d man b'cums so used 2 her sacrifices he wont no longer c it that way but will obviously take it 4 granted
One more thing, 4 all those talkin bout love & relationship..........if anybody cant love HITLER, then they cant love & show love at all in a relationship!!!!!
kai this topic sef...from onwards I will remain :-X :-X(she laffs)
Meetah, ur posts here got me thinking and I had 2 read it again!!!! I salute the depth of ur thinking and strong wordings!! I must also mention that truly there are still some living creatures ( espcially men) who will whole heartedly love HITLER ( permit me to borrow ur wordings) and ofcourse can prove able to love in a relationship. And I ahve no doubt that there is such a man knocking ur door to sacrifice everything just 2 love you.................
i
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Waz.......I dont think sacrifice is the bond that keeps relationships working.....because from the standpoint of pure reason, there are no good grounds 2 support d claim that one should sacrifice one's own happiness to that of others!!!
WAZIRI self-sacrifice enables us 2 sacrifice other ppl without blushing.......so wat makes u think if u can sacrifice ur life & fate 2 d gurl of ur dreams........she wont sacrifice u up 4 another man????
Trust is enough 4 a person in a relationship 2 go 2 d extend of sacrifice. Wud u sacrifice (.....lets say......those huge sum of money u hav instored in ur account 2 ur gurl) without half knowin whether she cares enough let alone trust, talkless of her makin sacrifices 4 ur sake!!?
2 luv some1 is 2 isolate him from d world, wipe out every race of him, dispossess him of his shadow, drag him in2 murdereous future. It is a circle around d other like a dead star & absorb him in2 a black light.......
if luv cud du all these...........wud u makes those sacrifices?
Marriage on d other hand is a wonderful invetion; but then again, so is a bicycle repair kit..........cuz gettin marriage is like the begining of endless arguments........
Even wen Allah subhanawata'ala gave strict injuction that both parties should remain kind 2 each other. U tell me how many ppl r still followin this rule? How many men r obeyin these words of ALLAH? How many fateful, loyal & trust worthy men r still remain on these earth?
Why would someone dwell in2 courtin either relationship talkless of marriage givin their life & fate! wen on d other hand........not d other party is willin 2 du so 4 eternity. U know wen LOVE OR MARRAIGE really works!!!! it only works only in d beginin stages of courtin.....d lovers absense stimulates ur imagination, forming a sort of aura around him or her. But this aura fades wen u know too much wen ur imagination no longer has room like anyone else, a person whose presence is taken 4 granted. Hence if a woman sacrfices all 4 marraige or relationship, putin her life & fate! which is also a sacrifice on its own........if d man b'cums so used 2 her sacrifices he wont no longer c it that way but will obviously take it 4 granted
One more thing, 4 all those talkin bout love & relationship..........if anybody cant love HITLER, then they cant love & show love at all in a relationship!!!!!
kai this topic sef...from onwards I will remain :-X :-X(she laffs)
Ummita,that's a good one, i agree with all what you said but you are too bias on one thing, is it only men that are not keeping to what Allah subhanahuwata'ala has enjoin us on marriage?....Haba you have to be fair enough, as there are thousands of men who disregard norms of marriage,so also there are thousand and one women who do worse than men,you have to be fair enough on your judgement.
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Waz.......I dont think sacrifice is the bond that keeps relationships working.....because from the standpoint of pure reason, there are no good grounds 2 support d claim that one should sacrifice one's own happiness to that of others!!!
Yes u may be right Ummita, but know dat we r humanbeings there 4 everything should have limit, I mean d sacrifice am talking bout.
But then even if u cannot sacrifice ALL OF ur happiness 4 others at least u find urself doing little sacrifices 4 those around u... Even if u don't do it conciously u certainly find urself doing it if u check ur self thoroughly. It is a case of he who couldn't do "Sharan masallaci amma yanayin na Kasuwa"... get d logic?
Now, on a more serious note. U be more happy in life when u consider it 2 b a matter of being d right person instead of getting d right person...
I mean in dis life, d pleasure in giving is more than d pleasure in taking.
u know why?
If u consider life or social interaction to mean solely an affair of reciprocation u will then land in serious trouble because ppl will never ever reciprocate.
Instead it is better 4 1 2 have a paradigm dat will allow him 2 see him self giving always than taking. I think dat will be safer and dat is why I see my self LIVING 4 OTHERS instead of demanding them 2 live 4 me.
And dat is why all I care is to give ppl fair treatment not minding whether they give me or not. Yes, knowing fully that even if I mind they will never ever give me fair treatment.
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Even wen Allah subhanawata'ala gave strict injuction that both parties should remain kind 2 each other. U tell me how many ppl r still followin this rule? How many men r obeyin these words of ALLAH? How many fateful, loyal & trust worthy men r still remain on these earth?
Why would someone dwell in2 courtin either relationship talkless of marriage givin their life & fate! wen on d other hand........not d other party is willin 2 du so 4 eternity. U know wen LOVE OR MARRAIGE really works!!!! it only works only in d beginin stages of courtin.....d lovers absense stimulates ur imagination, forming a sort of aura around him or her. But this aura fades wen u know too much wen ur imagination no longer has room like anyone else, a person whose presence is taken 4 granted. Hence if a woman sacrfices all 4 marraige or relationship, putin her life & fate! which is also a sacrifice on its own........if d man b'cums so used 2 her sacrifices he wont no longer c it that way but will obviously take it 4 granted
One more thing, 4 all those talkin bout love & relationship..........if anybody cant love HITLER, then they cant love & show love at all in a relationship!!!!!
kai this topic sef...from onwards I will remain :-X :-X(she laffs)
Just do ur own part and try as much as possible 2 make ur "body system" or dis time around "soul system" 2 be resistant 2 external agression of any sort. in bolder terms im saying: "Do not allow your own happiness 2 spring from and only from d kind of treatment u get from those around u".
1 must learn 2 be response-able. Yes, have some response-ability. That means the ability to control ur own responses to the happenings around u.
Ummita, love and marriage works. U see it takes nothing more than what Mahatma Gandhi, your hero did; He used the power of d soul 2 attract ppl 2 himself.
Why would'nt u just do dat? Don't u think u can make an atmosphere be lively? Don't u think u can make others happy? Don't u think u can make others LIKE U?
Yes, if u can make others like u then you can make dem do things dat will make u happy. And dat is why I think d happiness or otherwise in ur marriage is in ur hand, u give it life, u give it fate.
Ummita dat is wher d sacrifice has 2 come, when u always have 2 try 2 make ur patner happy, and it is when u stop triyng 2 do so u will find ur self in trouble. The patner may get used 2 ur sacrifices but eventually when u stop u land in trouble.
Babban magana/ Ummita and Waziri this is surely one heated issue. I so agree with both responses. But personally I dont think courtship really last upto marraige. Because during the couritng it is then you find out about your similarities and differences between two ppl, now it is also in this stage that alot of arguments arise leading to seperation. Some people merely get bored off in the relationship, and they will obviously go for a change!!! So I dont really think courtship really works in a relationship not to mention when it is to do with northerners...mhmm tabdijan!!!
Finally, BARDE I will have to say thumbs up for a n interesting topic. This is by far among the inetesting topic. Irin wanna ai kaa buda mana basira yakeyi kada ma ace su mallam Waziri da malama Ummita! :P Keep it up Barde
Salam 2 ya all,
Reading most of the replies on this interseting topic I went 2 bed wondering what exactly has been my idea of a courtship. In my simple mind, courtship has for a very long time referred to a way of getting to know each other. Period.
Although I have no idea hw long it should last for a fact that it will very well depend on the two partners. If the man and woman are OPEN, then I think courtship should not last for too long. Otherwise, it will last for years and there will always be something new to learn thus as 1/2sy mentioned one party will get bored or tired and call it quit.
Basically, there ain't a special period termed as such ( in Hausa/Fulani) but then that period a man meets a woman until when they gets to marry could be defined as their courtship period.
Truly the length of time covered in a courtship might not matter if there is faithfulness, mutual understanding, and patiance in the relationship.
To a very large percentage of the norhern people only cultural or economical situations brings about lenthgy courtship, otherwise tehre have been marriages under just about few days and it has worked. So also, a five years old relationship or more has worked splendidly.
Thus, no matter how long courtship should last and end up successful; One will hardly remember...
I strongly feel that courtship is an important tool in any relationship. For I wonder how painful it will be to starts knowing ur wife's true colour while she's already in ur house, for any decisions rendered as solution to those findings would be deadly. Same with the woman; I mean how could she live with a hubby that unfolds new attitude every blessed day. definatley the house will be like hell.
Importantly, if during the courtship one person decide he/she cannot continue with the relationship, then he/she quits with minimal damage or hurt two the two hearts.
QuoteBabban magana/ Ummita and Waziri this is surely one heated issue. I so agree with both responses. But personally I dont think courtship really last upto marraige. Because during the couritng it is then you find out about your similarities and differences between two ppl, now it is also in this stage that alot of arguments arise leading to seperation. Some people merely get bored off in the relationship, and they will obviously go for a change!!! So I dont really think courtship really works in a relationship not to mention when it is to do with northerners...mhmm tabdijan!!!
Finally, BARDE I will have to say thumbs up for a n interesting topic. This is by far among the inetesting topic. Irin wanna ai kaa buda mana basira yakeyi kada ma ace su mallam Waziri da malama Ummita! :P Keep it up Barde
1/2_sy
Nagode kwarai,May Allah continue to shower us with his blessings.Amin.
Yallabai Barde, I will also have to say this is a very good topic.
I am actually speechless......Ummita you!!!!? :o I dont think I will have a say now but I will try.
Ummita my Godchild I was planning to marry you off soon. but our comments left me thinking !!!!
I will lay back and see where you & Waziri will end this. Both have strong facts.
Mallam Kameel you are aboslutely right. and I strongly agree with Hafsy. Courtships dont last because by the time a man and a woman spend a month or so they will start getting fed up of each other. I personally dont like courthing, I have courted alot and am bored with the whole thing, ;D But without courting how are we sure (we the men) we are getting hooked up with the right girl or a dome to wahala :-/?
l-papi,
without courting how are we sure(females) are hooking up with the right man. there's something that's call infactuation and this usually happen the first couple of month in courting and after a while you will see that the way you felt before totally change, but when the real thing come you feel that everyday you are getting deeper into the sea than before that's when you will start realizing that he or she might be "the one". so to finalize my point I think people should be together for a bit while 9month to a year to make sure that they didn't get married while they are infactuated.
peace out,
--Gimbiya
Quotel but when the real thing come you feel that everyday you are getting deeper into the sea than before that's when you will start realizing that he or she might be "the one". --Gimbiya
She laffs & laffs again...Gimbiya kenan!(the lady can defineeeeee ;)!!!)
Ok, ok!!!!! Ladies Papi....If any party in a relationship shud start getin bored in d middle of their courtship..........they were neva in luv anywa? So wats d poin of courtin if both knew they wud turn out 2 b bored with each other?
& Waz.......dont get me wrong....of course we have 2 make each other...happy even not 4 d sake of lov, but 4 d sake of Islam.....wen I meant we shudnt sacrifice happiness....blah blah & blah I meant wen it cums 2 issues concernin relationship....where one party does not put faith & sacrifice. Now u tell me, then wats d point of sacrificin ur happiness........wen u know 4 a fact that wat u will receive bck aint happiness>?! I can make sooooooo many sacrifices & I hav actually done alot....& it came with gurantee that they were happy.
On d other hand, LOVE & MARRIAGES dont cum with guarantees.......u cant fynd them in d heart of ur lover, let alone ur lover assurin u that. So whether two lovers court or not....there isnt any guarantee whether they wud b 2gether 4 eternity....xcept in d will of Allah
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So whether two lovers court or not....there isnt any guarantee whether they wud b 2gether 4 eternity....xcept in d will of Allah
na true you talk my sister.
The only people that worry about love and marriage are men! ::)Anyway it is their responsibility to start courting & finally to seek a girls hand in marriage, but that depends if she agree or not. Men wuna dey try wo ;D
Yah right!! Amma ance hannu daya baya daukan jinka ko twinkle? Wel, no m,an will be successful in his efforts to win a woaman's heart without her help or total support. A kind word might heal a wound, a harsh word will rekindle a burning heart. A gentle word will sooth a worried mind; so da grls ahve a little to do too...
QuoteThe only people that worry about love and marriage are men! ?::)Anyway it is their responsibility to start courting & finally to seek a girls hand in marriage, but that depends if she agree or not. Men wuna dey try wo ;D
Haba ke kuwa twinkle,how can you say such a thing,don't you know that nowadays there are women who ask men out?infact women worry about marriage more than men,girls normally have peak periods, as soon as a girl reaches the age of say 20-30 she will start panicking some even go as far as visiting malaman zaure for a husband but a man can stay as long as he wishes and gets married to a woman of his choice as soon as he is ready for the marriage.
QuoteThe only people that worry about love and marriage are men! ?::)Anyway it is their responsibility to start courting & finally to seek a girls hand in marriage, but that depends if she agree or not. Men wuna dey try wo ;D
it's really funny to hear you said that Twinkle. I think in our society nowadayz the woman should care more about love and marriage because there's possiblity of itace za a bari cikin heartache and baccin rai. men should also care but most of them don't.
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it's really funny to hear you said that Twinkle. I think in our society nowadayz the woman should care more about love and marriage because there's possiblity of itace za a bari cikin heartache and baccin rai.
Thanx Gimbiya,you better make Twinkle understand the realities on ground.
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On d other hand, LOVE & MARRIAGES dont cum with guarantees.......u cant fynd them in d heart of ur lover, let alone ur lover assurin u that. So whether two lovers court or not....there isnt any guarantee whether they wud b 2gether 4 eternity....xcept in d will of Allah
DAMN RIGHT. MA BLAD. ;)
I DONT SEE ANY REASON WHY A GUY AND A GURL SHOULD COURT THEMSELVES ANYWAY ::) IF AT THE END OF THE DAY, THEY HAVE BOTH KNOW THEY MIGHT NOT MARRY EACH OTHER. THEN WHY IN THE NAME OG LURD SHOULD THEY COURT. TO ME, ITSN A BIG WAY OF WAISTING A VALUABLE TIME.
SIMILAR TO WHAT MY GIRL TWINKLE, WAS SAYING. WOMEN DONT NEED NOTHING LIKE COURTING. THE MEN ARE CLINGING TWENTY FOR SEVEN! KUMA STILL AT THE END. WE GET BORED OF THEM. mhmmmm DEAR LIFE.
MEN PLZ CHILL!!! (THE PURPOSE OF MAN ON EARTH IS TO LOVE ANYWAY, SO GIRLS WHY BOTHER? ::)
That is great,
Many ppl have commented and all are making sense. I personally do not think courtship to be that necessary but suggest that ppl should be guided by principles NOT emotions in relationship.
That was why I said and asserted that love is no HOLIDAY, and it is not a feeling or a noun but an action and a verb. It is not something you cannot help feeling but it is something u can afford to give, control and monitor. So whether there is courtship or not, your relationship, its sustainability, is something in your full control.
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.....
& Waz.......dont get me wrong....of course we have 2 make each other...happy even not 4 d sake of lov, but 4 d sake of Islam.....wen I meant we shudnt sacrifice happiness....blah blah & blah I meant wen it cums 2 issues concernin relationship....where one party does not put faith & sacrifice. Now u tell me, then wats d point of sacrificin ur happiness........wen u know 4 a fact that wat u will receive bck aint happiness>?! I can make sooooooo many sacrifices & I hav actually done alot....& it came with gurantee that they were happy.
On d other hand, LOVE & MARRIAGES dont cum with guarantees.......u cant fynd them in d heart of ur lover, let alone ur lover assurin u that. So whether two lovers court or not....there isnt any guarantee whether they wud b 2gether 4 eternity....xcept in d will of Allah
You see, Ummita, right from the outset, I did not suggest that one must sacrifice ALL his happiness for those his loves but I said one must learn to make sacrifices for it is in making sacrifices you achieve happiness in marriage and all other relationships.
Even if we consider such assertion from my humble self to mean sacrificing one's happiness, I think I can find justification in history. Because it was the sacrifices of our predecessors which sometimes meant them losing their own lives, at times in marriages like that of the wife of Ahmadu Bello Sardauna of Sokoto that brought us to where we are today as humanbeings and "happy" social beings.
Ummita, if u can make ppl happy, sarifice for them, for the sake of Islam, why then can you not do the same for the sake of love? Here we can conviniently ask to hear the difference between love and Islam. After all a good Muslim is he who loves and hates only for God's sake.
Ummita, marriages do not come wid guarantees. Yes, they don't. But the challenge is always to work hard even after the marriage in order to get, discover and carve out the guarantees. and This is the sole reason why we say: LOVE IS NO HOLIDAY. Whe u choose to enter into it, you work to keep it and when u cease to work to keep it, it begins to detoriate and rot, thereby shattering your partner's ever dream of happiness thus infecting your own happiness too.
For if you kill ppl you are killing your self
the more you harm others the more you harm yourself
It is a reflecting mirror and the image is yourself...
The boomerang is boomeranging and the target is yourself
Ummita, the above verses are the same when you do good. When you sacrifice everything of your happiness for those you love, in the name of Allah. You will at the end of the find that you are not sacrificing for others but for yourself.
Thank you all and God Bless.
I am sorry pls... tis not that am an expert or a "grand" councellor like that. But some person who is interested in saving his generation from gross self-mismanagement which inturns affect their disposition and character in private and public living. Making them to at the end of the day loose grip and remain unhappy for the rest of their life.
It is quite unfortunate. And as a result I offer a sort of free "councelling" here. Any body who feels we can help him/her solve her personal problem through deep insight and sound reasoning can e-mail or IM-mesage us, or even express the problem on the General Board of this forum.
Insha Allah, we will try as much as we can to the best of our abilities to see that we help him/her out thereby leaving those things we cannot achieve to Allah the ultimate healer.
Salam,
Left to me I will say there shouldn't be any coyrtship before marriage. This is because it is nothing but fake. No one shows his/her true character. The guy always try to be Mr. Nice while the babe potrays a very different character. I remember once a friend confided in me a day after his wedding., that if his wife had a twin sister, he could have said they gave him a wrong bride.
As per issue of lasting marriage one should just pray to God.
I think courtship is a necessary bridge b4 marriage.As saurayi said people tend to portray their good side and i believe it's in this period of portrayal that the couple get to understand each other.it is at this point that the question of how long courtship should last comes to effect....On my part i believe courtship should last for nothing less than a year coz it would be difficult for one to pretend for a year that he's/she's this or that.....