Make Me Laugh!

[lionger]

mudacris dis ya latest entry is a bit ludicrous :lol:

[Dave_McEwan_Hill]

A young couple come to see the pastor at a Church.
"We would like to join the church" they ask.
"This is a very serious commitment" the pastor tells them "It is not like joining a golf club or a social club. To join the church you must be prepared for a lifetime of obedience to God's laws and discipline in your everyday living"
The couple agree they still want to join the church.
" Right" the pastor tells them " You are just newly married. To prove your seriousness and your discipline you will go without sexual relations for one month. Come back and see me at the end of the month."
At the end of the month the young couple come back to the pastor and confess they have failed.
" We went four days without sex" said the young man "Then my wife bent over to get something out of the freezer and I couldn't resist"
" Terrible " said the pastor "I will have to bar you from the church. "
" It's worse than that " said the young man " I'm barred from that supermarket as well!"

[lionger]

kai Dave u don come again wit dis ya R-rated tori
:shock:  :oops: :shock:  :oops: :shock:  :oops: :shock:  :oops: :shock:  :oops: :shock:  :oops: :shock:  :oops: :shock:  :oops: :shock:  :oops: :shock:  :oops:

[bakangizo]

Samuel was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE".

The next morning Samual got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

[Dave_McEwan_Hill]

A man in a straightjacket is brought in to a panel of doctors at a mental asylum. He has to do a test to see if he should be kept in the asylum or allowed to go home.

The chief doctor asks him
"You fill a bath with water and after you have used it you are given a spoon, a cup and a bucket. How will you empty the bath?"
The man replies
"That's easy. I will use the bucket."
The doctor replies
" Will you like a bed in here by a window. Any sane person would have pulled out the plug to empty the bath"

[Dave_McEwan_Hill]

* You can change the characters in this joke to any person or tribe you like. When I heard it it was about Sean Connery (who's nearly 80 years old) and Madonna ( from New York)

Alhaji who is 80 years old returns to Lagos from London where he has just had a heart pacemaker fitted.
He falls in with a very young and sexy Calabari girl in his Lagos hotel and is encouraged to see how his newly fixed heart is working.
He goes to bed with her and had sex three times.
"That was amazing " the girl says.
"If I have a little nap we can have another three rounds " says Alhaji
The girl agrees
" But as I sleep" Alhaji asks " Will you hold my te sticles with one hand and my pe nis with your other?"
The girl agress. Alhaji sleeps for 15 minutes then wakes and has sex three times again.
Then the same routine again. Alhaji sleeps for 15 minutes again with the girl holding his private parts, awakes and has sex three more times.
"Kai! I've never met anybody as powerful as you" enthuses the girl. Where do you get your power? Is that why I have to hold your tes ticles and pe nis?"
"Holding my things have nothing to do with the sex " Alhaji replies. "It's because the last time I slept with a Calabari she stole my wallet!"

[HUSNAA]

This is the stupidest joke I have read in ages!! Dirty, crude boring and nothing funny about it.
The straitjacket joke had some giggle potential.

[HUSNAA]

Timeline: sometime during the second world war in the early 1940s.
Country: any Nazi occupied territory.
Place: Concentration camp
Day: Hitler's birthday
Jewish inmates have been assembled for the 'special day' and a treat is promised them. The camp commandant announces:
" Today is za Feuhrer's birthday and ve are going to play a game of sqvash; Hans vill drife za steamroller!!"

[Dave_McEwan_Hill]

Well. I thought it was funny!
Here's another one - not quite so rude.

George Bush has a heart attack and dies.

Obviously he goes to Hell, where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I'm not sure what to do," says the Devil."You're on my list, but I have no room for you.

But since you definitely have to stay here, I am going to have to let someone else go".

"I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you.

I'll let one of them go, but you'll have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

The Devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon, and a large pool of water.

He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was his fate in Hell.

"No!" George shouted. "I don't think so. I am not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long".

The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks.

All he did was swing the hammer, over and over, time after time.

"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder, I would be in constant agony if all I could do was breaks rocks all day", commented George.

The Devil opened the third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton Lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose.

Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky doing what she does best.

George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The Devil smiled and said "Ok, Monica, you're free to go!"

[HUSNAA]

Now that is what I call 'tail' of the unexpected!!   :lol: :D   :lol: :D   :lol: :D   :lol: :D

[HUSNAA]

When my son was attending pre primary class, I used to help him with his homework every evening and assist him in learning 123s and the abcs. He'd just mastered numbers 1 to 10 and he could recognize them and name any number shown him, and so we moved on to ABC. After a few days, he mastered over half the alphabets.  We continued until we came to the letter w. He was not paying attention when I told him the name of the letter. So later on when he had to say the letters back to me, he was stumped when I showed him w. He looked at it, screwed his face and looking straight at me said
'That's a three lying down!!'

[mlbash]

Just a little joke to herald in the weekend,have a lovely weekend. lol!!  

One day Taribo West and Mr president were arguing, the president got so annoyed and said "why I dey even follow you argue, you wey resemble gorrila" Taribo replied him saying "aahh Mr Presido, see person wey dey call me gorrila, you no know sey I fine pass you, ur excellency?" A young man was passing by and Taribo stopped him and asked "bros abeg 4 me and this Uncle wey stand here, who ugly pass?" and the guy looked at both of them for some seconds and exclaimed "wonderful!!! abeg una two be twins?

[HUSNAA]

Kai jama'a!!
T W fine pass Uncle Sege fa!!

[Dave_McEwan_Hill]

Here's a very old joke that many of you have probably heard
A gentleman meets a young lady holding a baby and crying loudly.
"What's wrong , my dear?" he asks
"A man just told me my baby was the ugliest child he ever saw" replied the young woman.
" Here" said the man, offering the young lady a paper tissue. " I'll hold your monkey while you dry your eyes!"

[lionger]

hehe HUSNAA u sef..u object to Dave's dirty and crude joke, and then follow up with a pseudo anti-semitic one! LOL!