The travails of marriage in Hausa land

[ummita]

Still on the move....I use to wonder why most of the advanced educated youth in Northern Nigeria doesnt prefer to marry gals with almost same education like them.
Is it they are afraid they could not manipulate those educated gals as it some times happen?? Or why do the shy away from the deeply educated gals?

GOD BLESS UR SOUL! MAH OWN IS NT EVEN MARRIAGE DEY ALSO TEND 2 PURE-HATE! Haba.....Adam, Allow Eve 2 get her share. Bt in general terms I hav a few says, I once had afreind, more of a bigggg uncle friendy his mum was puttin d pressure on him 2 marry cus he was turnin thirty ish or close 2 dat, so dey where havin a conversation, & u know d hausa style his sistas & mum (another hausa norm) d family muss choice wife 4 son (wahala!).....dey proposed a gul & he asked she finished skool? dey said already finished her degree, he just said she is ticked out dat shes past his ?power & d man had already acquired his Phd a pilot infact. So wat does he want? A donkey 4 a wife or whut? ::) A'a wahala!!! I taut it can b a fifty fifty thing......together man & wife can support each other, he works & maintains family, wive works & helps pays bills, a little grocery shoppin I mean u cnt leave d xcess on d husby.....2 give & give woman shud also give.....u know give & take, am nt pickin bt really I hated how so many hausa women go: Alhaji maggi babu, kawo kudi,yara no skool uniform kawo kudi, salt babu....these lil things if woman is educated, & works she can help koh? Men dat wnt allow wife 2 study or work, s'pposin u loose ur job, or ur cash cow stops milkin & ur finance stops flowin, all ur share investmensts, trust or stocks things go wrong.........man can fynd himself in precarious situations. So if only wife was workin @least she can supply d least she can. Take all those celebrities d women 4 xample, dev made millions eg: Missy Elliot bt she still nt wedded or even hooked, we hav ppl lyk Oprah Winfrey, dey all single.......ppl lyk who do we hav in d north, oh yes d guls. So wats really d problem? Do dey feel these sort of women r ova their league! ? Men dat do this kinda thing....u berra stoppit!, even if she is educated, so whut? Guls dat can simply read & write r nt Lions dey wnt eat u up, dey r nt aliens juss pure humans lyk u, & wat is d problem, d men a far educated dan d women? Oya fear dem no more! do nt b in fear 4 dey will nt harm u! (she laffs) ........ Howeva, mostly d blameworthiness lies on d guls, these educated uni guls tend 2 b so rude, nastyf & feisty, stuck up, lookin down on others......they ?treat ppl with disrepect & dey feel bigheaded & pride worthy & dey treat these men lyk dirt so of cos these r nt being in fear dat dey cnnt manipulate these guls, rather dey r WAHALA, its betta 4 dem without dem....I so second men on this!.

[madori]

Ummita,
Wow! Terrific!! you will make a good marriege councillor, or are you one already? so that we go begin come

[Fateez]

GOD BLESS UR SOUL! MAH OWN IS NT EVEN MARRIAGE DEY ALSO TEND 2 PURE-HATE! Haba.....Adam, Allow Eve 2 get her share. Bt in general terms I hav a few says, I once had afreind, more of a bigggg uncle friendy his mum was puttin d pressure on him 2 marry cus he was turnin thirty ish or close 2 dat, so dey where havin a conversation, & u know d hausa style his sistas & mum (another hausa norm) d family muss choice wife 4 son (wahala!).....dey proposed a gul & he asked she finished skool? dey said already finished her degree, he just said she is ticked out dat shes past his ?power & d man had already acquired his Phd a pilot infact. So wat does he want? A donkey 4 a wife or whut? ::) A'a wahala!!! I taut it can b a fifty fifty thing......together man & wife can support each other, he works & maintains family, wive works & helps pays bills, a little grocery shoppin I mean u cnt leave d xcess on d husby.....2 give & give woman shud also give.....u know give & take, am nt pickin bt really I hated how so many hausa women go: Alhaji maggi babu, kawo kudi,yara no skool uniform kawo kudi, salt babu....these lil things if woman is educated, & works she can help koh? Men dat wnt allow wife 2 study or work, s'pposin u loose ur job, or ur cash cow stops milkin & ur finance stops flowin, all ur share investmensts, trust or stocks things go wrong.........man can fynd himself in precarious situations. So if only wife was workin @least she can supply d least she can. Take all those celebrities d women 4 xample, dev made millions eg: Missy Elliot bt she still nt wedded or even hooked, we hav ppl lyk Oprah Winfrey, dey all single.......ppl lyk who do we hav in d north, oh yes d guls. So wats really d problem? Do dey feel these sort of women r ova their league! ? Men dat do this kinda thing....u berra stoppit!, even if she is educated, so whut? Guls dat can simply read & write r nt Lions dey wnt eat u up, dey r nt aliens juss pure humans lyk u, & wat is d problem, d men a far educated dan d women? Oya fear dem no more! do nt b in fear 4 dey will nt harm u! (she laffs) ........ Howeva, mostly d blameworthiness lies on d guls, these educated uni guls tend 2 b so rude, nastyf & feisty, stuck up, lookin down on others......they ?treat ppl with disrepect & dey feel bigheaded & pride worthy & dey treat these men lyk dirt so of cos these r nt being in fear dat dey cnnt manipulate these guls, rather dey r WAHALA, its betta 4 dem without dem....I so second men on this!.

U go sista!!!

I dunno wat's up wit d hausa men

*But not all uni gals r stuck upz,

just a few

;D ;D ;D

[Dante]

GOD BLESS UR SOUL! MAH OWN IS NT EVEN MARRIAGE

DEY ALSO TEND 2 PURE-HATE! Haba.....Adam, Allow Eve 2 get her........

I fully aree wit your views, but don't forget that when women
gain too much freedom as in wit working, things become really
DANGEROUS!

And u know true religious men e.g (malam bahaushe) who take
good care & luv their wifeys would'nt like them workin in a type of
enviroment that is been mixed up wit other men. Only God know
what will happen someday!

But what is it wit most women worry about working, while their
men can take away every bit pain they might even think of ? ???
workin is a real WAHALA thin guess, but it's like u folks just like
it for the funn of it or not to be stayin @ home bored or somethin.

I said this b'cauz i saw this once happend to some couple who the
husband was very rich! Took care of his wifey in all wayz
(infact her wish was his command). There was a time when she got
pregnant, he sometimes misses his office just to take care of her just
b'cause of the luv he has for her. She gave birth sometime afterwards
but almost all the time they start 2 jist, she brings up the JOB topic
always. yet, with all the richies all she ever wanted was to WORK???

So the husband's family were totally against this & would'nt alow him
grant her this wish!

Not to continue wit this long story, what really happend @ last
was a DIVORCE. Just because she want's to work ???

U know somethin,
I always have this thought "WHAT DO WOMEN WANT ?"
can anyone read me?

I hope all u ladiez will reply to my question.

[Hafsy_Lady]

GOD BLESS UR SOUL! MAH OWN IS NT EVEN MARRIAGE DEY ALSO TEND 2 PURE-HATE!

HONEE COMBS, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY ON THE RIGHT LANEEEEEEEEE. INFACT WHERE YOU DEY HIDE? TWO DAYS ....SHIRU

MY OWN IS IF GUY THINKS THAT DATING OR BEING FREINDS WITH A GEL OR IS RUNNING OR AVOIDING GEL WEY JUSS DEY ACQUIRE EDUCATION THAT PESSIN DEY SUFFER FROM INFERIOR COMPLEX!!! AND DAT PESSIN NA ONE SELFISH PESSIN AND ANY GEL WEY DEY AROUND THESE KIND OF PEOPLE SHOULD STRICTLY BOYCOTT THESE PEOPLE BECAUSE ONLY ENEMIES OF PROGRESS WILL NOT LIKE WOMEN WEY GET BRAIN. ::)

TOH MAN AND WOMAN OPPORTUNITY DEY, IF YOU WAN BE EDUCATED YOU CAN BE IF YOU WANT TO BE ILLETRATE DAT ONE SEF NA POSSIBLE..............IF YOU WAN MARRY EDUCATED PESSIN DAT ONE NA POSSIBLE IF YOU WAN MARRY ILLITRATE A'aaa DAT ONE NA VERY POSSIBLE BUT NOWADAYS EDUCATED GULS WILL BE ON THE TOP LIST MEN ARE SEEKING FOR IN WOMEN..........

THERE IS A GOVERNOR DAT MARRIED AN ILLETRATE......SO BA MATSALA, NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, SO IF ANY GUY THINK EDUCATED CHICK PASS HIS CAPACITY, WALLAHI GO MARRY ILLERATE, INFACT LIFE GO BETTER....... ;D

[Dante]

MY OWN IS IF GUY THINKS THAT DATING OR BEING FREINDS WITH A GEL OR IS RUNNING OR AVOIDING GEL WEY JUSS DEY ACQUIRE EDUCATION THAT PESSIN DEY SUFFER FROM INFERIOR COMPLEX!!! AND DAT PESSIN NA ONE SELFISH PESSIN AND ANY GEL WEY DEY AROUND THESE KIND OF PEOPLE SHOULD STRICTLY BOYCOTT THESE PEOPLE BECAUSE ONLY ENEMIES OF PROGRESS WILL NOT LIKE WOMEN WEY GET BRAIN...    

Hmmm, i wounder what made u think so ???
What happened 2 ma question hafsy ?

[Hafsy_Lady]

WHICH OF YOUR QUESTIONS?

[Twinkle]

I dont know about you guys but simple example is in this forum. Some of the BIG BOYUSH ARE SCARED OF THE BIG GEZ HERE.  :lol: Ok trully its begining to scare me. Once overheard a guy say "kai wallahi tafi karfi na, tasan boko too much" Now what was that? She shouldnt learn. I dont know what is scaring the boys: They think once a girl is educated or more educated than them she will be controlling or dominating. Abi how wuna see am boys?

[elgaazus]

Kai!!!!!! ni ban yarda ba sam! Amma, men with this perception hold it so much due to their insecurity but me am the competitive type. If she has a degree i enroll for masters and if she is the maesters type, i will go for Phd..................................... but i will never marry an iliterate!!!

[_Waziri_]

Elgazus, that really made me laugh :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

I think I will here say for me I can marry any type of person. Literate or illeterate but onething that is important is intelligence and good family values. If she is intelligent, fine, cos she can learn literacy later. If she has good family values I will be sure of her integrity at least.

Remember that happiness in life is not always about getting the right people about you but it is all about being the right person yourself.

I then pray to be the one who always can tolerate and accomodate NOT the one that will always be tolerated and accomodated by his/her partner.

[ummita]

Kai!!!!!! ni ban yarda ba sam! Amma, men with this perception hold it so much due to their insecurity but me am the competitive type. If she has a degree i enroll for masters and if she is the maesters type, i will go for Phd..................................... but i will never marry an iliterate!!!

Brotha Elgaazus (she laffs) .......education is not prerogative, it goes 4 any1 wit interest in it, so also illetracy is not a priviledge. We can all learn. So I see no reason to compete with a girl, why not a male? Or is it that girls should never qualify until a guy has surpassed that qualification? Or perhaps its socially and morally wrong if a girl carries a little wise on her shoulder more worthier than a guy seems to be carrying koh? If otherwise, then please where is the wrong? In the line of education there should be no class distinction b/w males & females talkless of superiority in qualification. I taut acquring education is a choice with its good end-result, I didnt know dat is all bout competition these days.......! We got same brains, just a matter of how we use it! IN A WAY, Wat u r indirectly sayin & in ma words is this: men who have no intention of doing either degree or phd shud quickly do so only if a girl is on d process of doing it as well so that she wont b on d upper hierachy level level koh? Education as a whole is juss human thoughts ova human centuries! I know knowledge is d key to serenity & ease but that doesnt mean those that lack knowledge are useless bt that I can giv you more than 10 real facts on ppl that have acquired beneficial knowledge bt fruitless knowledge 2 dem. Fruitless knowledgable beings are those that know the right but proceed on the wrong, are those that have read & studies but useless it all. But on d whole, knowledge is the light that leads to wisdom, it is life for one's soul & fuel 4 anoda. Howeva, I wudnt care less & I dont care if one an illetrate cus wat he/she knows I myt not know or may neva know!.........

Am not prayin 4 u Elgaazuz (b/4 u kill me), but NEVA SAY NEVA!  adei fada da inshallah! to always add inshallah......Man proposes, God disposes! You might end up marrying sumone who doesnt even know wat a pen is tlkless of a paper! Theres more 2 ppl joining in matrimonial grounds not juss 4 education sake!

Seriously, its really strange d way some men react once they c a girl who happens to know book a little bit better than they do. Not d fact dat they dont kno aswell, but everyone has an area of speciality. What she knows u myt not know and what u know she might not know.......every1 has a  brain, so wats the story there? Use it as you like....wanna learn? fine! Dont wanna learn? fine! Wetin hot there?

Am not telling u all these rather, I am posing them for you considersation.

[Hafsy_Lady]

You & dis your blue headed avatar, brought it back again talking of obssesion...watevah happened to di lady with the Hijab? I liked that avatat better! Anyway its so you. From Holy to Rascal and from Rascal back again to Holy. CHILD YOU ARE  UNPREDICTABLE LOL. CHILD better not forget my birthday's around the corner, SO START SAVING :roll: .

MEETAH....TELL THEM LIKE IT IS KINJI! ONCE A GIRL KNOWS HOW TO RECITE HER A'B'C's THEY START GETTING PARANOID! THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH MOST MEN, BASA SO AT ALL, AT ALL TO EVEN HEAR A GAL GAT COMMON SENSE! AND IF SHE HOLD A BETTER QUALIFICATION IRIN SU BROHER ELGAZUUS WILL START WHINING ABOUT IT.

WELL HARDLUCK BOYS/MEN WHATEVER CATEGORY YOU BELONG TO!

[bakangizo]

Ni matsala ta da mata, yawancin su da zarar sun san sun fi mijinsu ilimi, shikenan sai girman kai ya tashi. Su na ganin sun fishi wayewa da sanin duniya. I remember a particular girl I liked. She's an undergraduate at BUK, reading Law. Duk lokacin da muke magana sai ta rika nuna min cewa duk abin da na fadi akwai kuskure akai. Ban isa in yi mata gyara a harkar ta ba sai ta bullo ta wata sigar daban, ta zulle. Wai ita ga lauya! :x  Har ta taba ce min ita ko baban ta ne yayi kuskure sai ta gaya masa gaskiya, balle ni. Kai har na gaji na rabu da ita. To irin wadannan halaye shi ke sa wasu maza tsoron auren mata 'yan boko.

[Hafsy_Lady]

Ban isa in yi mata gyara a harkar ta ba sai ta bullo ta wata sigar daban, ta zulle. Wai ita ga lauya! :x  Har ta taba ce min ita ko baban ta ne yayi kuskure sai ta gaya masa gaskiya, balle ni. Kai har na gaji na rabu da ita.

Kai kuma MACE BATA ISA ta gayamaka haka ba ko? Ai tsiyan naku kenan. Nuna isa da son girma. Kasan halin mata da son surutu, you dont even know whether surutu ne yayi surutu that she went off tracks. Plus haba malam idan kayi mata gyara, kasani ko kai kanka kayi kuskure? Are you studying Law? Nnaaaayi........men! chiaw!
So you cannot face up to her but end what you had good going with her. If you think she's gone over the border, then ya kamata amatsayinka ka nuna mata daidai. Well religion says if you think your parents are in the wrong, then speak up to them so long its in accordance with Islamic rights. But kawai cus she always argues you left her (Hafsy turns around looking for her Bulala) You need a good whipping. Now what makes you think the next girl is perfect? No girl is perfect, you just have to learn to live with them and in that living you help them realise their blunders or mistakes. What make you think the next girl you get with aint like that? There must be something not too good about her we are all not perfect and NEVER perfect.

You are so used to that thing most men say. That once she got it going with intelligence, girman kai will start. Yanzu example, I believe you mum is educated, does she do girman kai? Am sure your answer will be no. Besides not all women do that. You should know better, a LAWYER ALWAYS ARGUES, besides she has her own opinion you have yours. If I was you I would have shut her by saying your opinions yours, my opinion's mine. Now lets go ask your daddy if I can marry you. End of.......(maybe I have gone overboard) but kaga magana ta kare.

mhmmmm kudena wani seeking din excuse. Kunsan abun dake damun maza masu tsoron su aure mata masu ilimi? This is just a few of the reasons.
FEAR! If not fear why would you leave the girl? Idan tayi maka girman kai kayi mata but a man of worth stands his grounds zai nuna mata dadai. And for some men its INSECURITY! What will happen, she can end up taking over my assets (lol) some is just sheer JELOUSY!  Yet SOME of you still wont admit to it. Am glad  most sistahs know that. Ana kawai kallon ku dashi, idan ka kara guduwa daga gulfreind dinka, she will be laughing at your behind cus she knows why!

mhmmm as for that you girl Bakan-Gizo, you go soon bite finger  :roll: and by that time she be in the arms of another man.

[bakangizo]

Hafsy, easy now. zamu nada ki shugabar "Kare Hakki da Kula Da Ci Gaban Matan Arewa". Yawwa.

Now. Let's clear some few points here:

1) I have no problem with my lady/woman/girl challenging me or showing she is intelligent. I won't/didn't /couldn't even marry a girl whose educ. level is below Diploma. A 'yes sir' girl is too dull for my liking. A bit of intelligent discourse spices up the relationship. What I don't stand for is when every bit of conversation with her is a debate and she won't stand for correction.

2. Ever heard of diplomacy? It is said to be the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way that he/she would look forward to the trip. So even if telling your parents they are wrong is allowed, you don't convey the message in such an arrogant way to mean "I can correct my parents. What more of small you!".

3. Yeah, I should have tried to educate her, persevere with her behavior, make her see things my way. But what gives you the impression that I didn't :roll: ? In case you don't know, my patience and time is exhaustible, especially when there are girls out there more educated than her, more humble and ready to accede to my point when am right?

4. So malama Hafsy, irin wadannan halaye na mata su ke tsorata maza suyi tsammani ba ta da halayen kirki ko tarbiyya. Sai kaga mutum ya cika wandon sa iska, sai ku rika cewa an ki a aure ku.