Salaam All,
Marriage is an important institution in our religion. This is the root of our survival both as human and as a nation.Also, the focal point for our personal happiness and prosperity. It affects the life of every Child have from the marriage and the influence of that Child affect our Global being.
Referencing our case to Hausa land.
What is Ur view about the root of lots of marital problems? and proper advises and solutions.
What is Ur view about Family Planning, Child Spacing and Child restriction amid present situation of unemployment, poverty that ravaged the nation.
The polygamous model, with comparism to other cultures and Islamic States.
i don't like family planning
???i guess ur right bro!its good to think ahead cos marriage isn't a days job,i believe the reason for the increasing rate of divorce these days is just due to the cheap sadaq parents collect,if u pay more u won't want to loose ur wife easily,and i believe the question of too many girls than boys.but still the desire to have more is inevitable.that why getting married in maiduguri,borno is damn more expensive and less divorce rate.hope you reason!!!
QuoteReferencing our case to Hausa land.
What is Ur view about the root of lots of marital problems? and proper advises and solutions.
One of the problems is our non romantic nature.
Quotei don't like family planning
Mhm Kharuldeen, I beg tell us why U dont like family planning?? I think say every thing needs planning. Failure to plan, is it not planning to fail??
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One of the problems is our non romantic nature.
Thats true Gogannaka. I score U one. More analysis.....
Quote???i guess ur right bro!its good to think ahead cos marriage isn't a days job,i believe the reason for the increasing rate of divorce these days is just due to the cheap sadaq parents collect,if u pay more u won't want to loose ur wife easily,and i believe the question of too many girls than boys.but still the desire to have more is inevitable.that why getting married in maiduguri,borno is damn more expensive and less divorce rate.hope you reason!!!
I slightly agree with you Ali g. dat increasing rate of divorce, na due to cheap sadaqi...but remember prophet commend a marriage with less Sadaqi and nowadays, there are lot of bidia or let me say cultural attatchment to the marriage that put both de gals and de boyz in dilema. I think both de boys and de gals are hooked but could not afford the marriage due to de expenditure.....Me, i don de commend sadaka marriage for this our talauci period.
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One of the problems is our non romantic nature.
Assalamu alaikum,
Gogannaka, Very interesting comment, especially from somebody like your goodself, getting set to quit bachelorship.
In my opinion one of the solutions to the above problems of marraige in our society is by being concious that marriage is an Ibadat. Threfore, when we come to choose spouses we should try to value beauty-below-the-skin; character, morals, etc., above attractions like beauty, wealth, positions, etc., the former do not bring perpetual happiness.
I think the major problem is to lie to ur partner (KARYA) in the form of money or something else.and is both on the couples. one hausa proverb "ramin karya kurarre ne"
? And for family planning it's accepted in islam but under one condition,if the health of the mother is in danger or will be in danger if pregnant so it is allowed to eliminate the pregnancy.
PLS CORRECT ME IF AM WRONG.
Salam,
I quite agry with gogannaka and EMTL....But then other problems are: Mu maza mun cika karya da yawa, the Yan mata are too materialistic and Iyayenmu mata na da kwadayi.
Ali G. yanzun ma yaya Balantana kuma a ce sadaki ya fi haka ???
One problem is the believing in the extra superiority, and misunderstanding of marital responsibilities!
Another is the lack of trust
Another would be total absence of love(illusion to us!) and marriages seems to only survive via loyalties...and children(some).
QuoteAnd for family planning it's accepted in islam but under one condition,if the health of the mother is in danger or will be in danger if pregnant so it is allowed to eliminate the pregnancy.
?PLS CORRECT ME IF AM WRONG.
I agree with u kofa but seems our culture is turning women to child producing machine without due care to their reproductive health.
Still on the move....I use to wonder why most of the advanced educated youth in Northern Nigeria doesnt prefer to marry gals with almost same education like them.
Is it they are afraid they could not manipulate those educated gals as it some times happen?? Or why do the shy away from the deeply educated gals?
i think it is the way people get married this days.as we know marriage is no child's play it is a life acceptance.
it is said in the holy book that talaq(divorce) is most disliked by Allah. and in hausa land we ve a very big problem with this
the rate of females being devorced are to much just bcos they
thing marriage is a one day job which is not.to ve long an ever lasting marriage u ve to get to know each other better
and love must be there. cos to me if u really let love rule ur emotions, then u 'll be a perfect person.
Quotecos marriage isn't a days job,i believe the reason for the increasing rate of divorce these days is just due to the cheap sadaq parents collect hope you reason!!!
Oh No, no & no I do respect ur reasons bt I dnt nt tend 2 reason wit ur reasons.....wat r u sayin Ali G? In a group of 10 divorced men, how many of dem divorced their wives due to cheap sadaqat? :-/ Fair reasonins, increase in divorce rate is purely due 2 some of these: unreasonable behaviour from either party, marriages irretrivably breaks down if either couple is committin adultery, couples r seperated for 5yrs or when d husband deserts d wife, forced & arranged marriages (where r d hausas, dey r ACE in dat aspect ;)) poor communication link, which is is of vital importance, dat so many hausa men lack & d problem is dat dey hate d emotional rollercoaster 2 ovatake dem, dey lyk being dominant & feel 2 big 2 sit & mediate! More reasons: women do push their boundaries aswell most eps if d husband is re-marryin again......she feels dat theres no way anoda gul will join d family she starts misbehavin, pushin her boundaries d husby gets fed up.....& d only one thing is d(I divorce u three written boldly on paper) d husband lacks patience! lacks temper control! agressiveness ovatakes, arguments escalate to wrestlin & @last she will b asked 2 leave! all these leads 2 marriage break down.........Furthermore these days ppl wed hardly eva thinkin, marriage is not lyk obtainin a drivers license, stop! man stop! woman get skilled & qualified first in d aspects of marriage b/4 u two marry....bt hardly ppl think & dey think dey r well prepared :-/ :.......example: there was a freind, who gt married really young (even thou we protested agaisnt it her parents made their final say) she gt married.......he ill treated her........turned her in2 punchin bag afta excessive alcohol drinkin, deprived her 2 visit her family, treated her family wit self disrespect, bt d biggest bombshell he was in2 sum ish.........later their marriage was ended, anulled, voided.....bck 2 Ali so do u think it was due 2 cheap sadaqat?.......truss me! her dead beat husby paid a great deal of price......! Infact if a groom had d bride as sadaqat wat diff will it make if trully dey wan2 xchange marital vows? Ppl nowadays wed without checkin bckgrounds, behaviour, weda d husby is a lone assasin he cud b killa wanted, cud b from anywhere! I dnt know y d rush......y ppl wan2 rush marriage.
Family plannin......well if a man is nt financial sustained, cnt c 2 d welfare of his family.......he cant financially support his family den yes.....family plannin is an opt- in........Religiously if its due 2 this reason den its allowed, howeva if a couple can provide 4 d family den its an opt-out bt plz hausa ppl give birth lyk mad, I visited sum woman who gt knocked by my freind, so we had 2 du u d know wat!, she was introducin us 2 her family, there was nt 1, 2, 3 bt 12 of dem & dey r all btw d ages of 10-1 d lass baby was a toddler, I had 2 balance myself agaisnt d wall now dats is juss, its juss kai.........(speechless)
Polygamy.....hmmmm allowed! nt haram! Allah permits it! Prophet (S.A.W) been there, done it.......married more dan 2.....den who r we 2 object 2 it?........if a man feels he wans 2 remarry y nt?.......plz let him go ahead.......BUT regardin religion/culture, these days men r nt marryin 4 d ryt reasons, rather culture wise, if a man feels he is well off, financially secured he marrys again & again...cus dats lykd d norm, d value, dats d style, bt d thing is if a husband cnt show equality, cnt b neutral, cnt b justifiable, cnt b unbiased den am sorry he is nt fit 2 re-marry......let him manage wit one.........How many of u kanoonline men/bois think the can marry four wives, showin equality & remainin neutral 4 d rest of their lives till dem do dem part..........(NONE!) (dat one na history). Its a difficult task handlin four bt men feel proud abt it.....one wife sumtyms cud b a headache tlkless of four :-/
QuoteStill on the move....I use to wonder why most of the advanced educated youth in Northern Nigeria doesnt prefer to marry gals with almost same education like them.
Is it they are afraid they could not manipulate those educated gals as it some times happen?? Or why do the shy away from the deeply educated gals?
GOD BLESS UR SOUL! MAH OWN IS NT EVEN MARRIAGE DEY ALSO TEND 2 PURE-HATE! Haba.....Adam, Allow Eve 2 get her share. Bt in general terms I hav a few says, I once had afreind, more of a bigggg uncle friendy his mum was puttin d pressure on him 2 marry cus he was turnin thirty ish or close 2 dat, so dey where havin a conversation, & u know d hausa style his sistas & mum (another hausa norm) d family muss choice wife 4 son (wahala!).....dey proposed a gul & he asked she finished skool? dey said already finished her degree, he just said she is ticked out dat shes past his ?power & d man had already acquired his Phd a pilot infact. So wat does he want? A
donkey 4 a wife or whut? ::) A'a wahala!!! I taut it can b a fifty fifty thing......together man & wife can support each other, he works & maintains family, wive works & helps pays bills, a little grocery shoppin I mean u cnt leave d xcess on d husby.....2 give & give woman shud also give.....u know give & take, am nt pickin bt really I hated how so many hausa women go: Alhaji maggi babu, kawo kudi,yara no skool uniform kawo kudi, salt babu....these lil things if woman is educated, & works she can help koh? Men dat wnt allow wife 2 study or work, s'pposin u loose ur job, or ur cash cow stops milkin & ur finance stops flowin, all ur share investmensts, trust or stocks things go wrong.........man can fynd himself in precarious situations. So if only wife was workin @least she can supply d least she can. Take all those celebrities d women 4 xample, dev made millions eg: Missy Elliot bt she still nt wedded or even hooked, we hav ppl lyk Oprah Winfrey, dey all single.......ppl lyk who do we hav in d north, oh yes d guls. So wats really d problem? Do dey feel these sort of women r ova their league! ? Men dat do this kinda thing....u berra stoppit!, even if she is educated, so whut? Guls dat can simply read & write r nt Lions dey wnt eat u up, dey r nt aliens juss pure humans lyk u, & wat is d problem, d men a far educated dan d women? Oya fear dem no more! do nt b in fear 4 dey will nt harm u! (she laffs) ........ Howeva, mostly d blameworthiness lies on d guls, these educated uni guls tend 2 b so rude, nastyf & feisty, stuck up, lookin down on others......they ?treat ppl with disrepect & dey feel bigheaded & pride worthy & dey treat these men lyk dirt so of cos these r nt being in fear dat dey cnnt manipulate these guls, rather dey r WAHALA, its betta 4 dem without dem....I so second men on this!.
Ummita,
Wow! Terrific!! you will make a good marriege councillor, or are you one already? so that we go begin come
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GOD BLESS UR SOUL! MAH OWN IS NT EVEN MARRIAGE DEY ALSO TEND 2 PURE-HATE! Haba.....Adam, Allow Eve 2 get her share. Bt in general terms I hav a few says, I once had afreind, more of a bigggg uncle friendy his mum was puttin d pressure on him 2 marry cus he was turnin thirty ish or close 2 dat, so dey where havin a conversation, & u know d hausa style his sistas & mum (another hausa norm) d family muss choice wife 4 son (wahala!).....dey proposed a gul & he asked she finished skool? dey said already finished her degree, he just said she is ticked out dat shes past his ?power & d man had already acquired his Phd a pilot infact. So wat does he want? A donkey 4 a wife or whut? ::) A'a wahala!!! I taut it can b a fifty fifty thing......together man & wife can support each other, he works & maintains family, wive works & helps pays bills, a little grocery shoppin I mean u cnt leave d xcess on d husby.....2 give & give woman shud also give.....u know give & take, am nt pickin bt really I hated how so many hausa women go: Alhaji maggi babu, kawo kudi,yara no skool uniform kawo kudi, salt babu....these lil things if woman is educated, & works she can help koh? Men dat wnt allow wife 2 study or work, s'pposin u loose ur job, or ur cash cow stops milkin & ur finance stops flowin, all ur share investmensts, trust or stocks things go wrong.........man can fynd himself in precarious situations. So if only wife was workin @least she can supply d least she can. Take all those celebrities d women 4 xample, dev made millions eg: Missy Elliot bt she still nt wedded or even hooked, we hav ppl lyk Oprah Winfrey, dey all single.......ppl lyk who do we hav in d north, oh yes d guls. So wats really d problem? Do dey feel these sort of women r ova their league! ? Men dat do this kinda thing....u berra stoppit!, even if she is educated, so whut? Guls dat can simply read & write r nt Lions dey wnt eat u up, dey r nt aliens juss pure humans lyk u, & wat is d problem, d men a far educated dan d women? Oya fear dem no more! do nt b in fear 4 dey will nt harm u! (she laffs) ........ Howeva, mostly d blameworthiness lies on d guls, these educated uni guls tend 2 b so rude, nastyf & feisty, stuck up, lookin down on others......they ?treat ppl with disrepect & dey feel bigheaded & pride worthy & dey treat these men lyk dirt so of cos these r nt being in fear dat dey cnnt manipulate these guls, rather dey r WAHALA, its betta 4 dem without dem....I so second men on this!.
U go sista!!!
I dunno wat's up wit d hausa men
*But not all uni gals r stuck upz,
just a few
;D ;D ;D
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GOD BLESS UR SOUL! MAH OWN IS NT EVEN MARRIAGE
DEY ALSO TEND 2 PURE-HATE! Haba.....Adam, Allow Eve 2 get her........
I fully aree wit your views, but don't forget that when women
gain too much freedom as in wit working, things become really
DANGEROUS!
And u know true religious men e.g (malam bahaushe) who take
good care & luv their wifeys would'nt like them workin in a type of
enviroment that is been mixed up wit other men. Only God know
what will happen someday!
But what is it wit most women worry about working, while their
men can take away every bit pain they might even think of ? ???
workin is a real WAHALA thin guess, but it's like u folks just like
it for the funn of it or not to be stayin @ home bored or somethin.
I said this b'cauz i saw this once happend to some couple who the
husband was very rich! Took care of his wifey in all wayz
(infact her wish was his command). There was a time when she got
pregnant, he sometimes misses his office just to take care of her just
b'cause of the luv he has for her. She gave birth sometime afterwards
but almost all the time they start 2 jist, she brings up the JOB topic
always. yet, with all the richies all she ever wanted was to WORK???
So the husband's family were totally against this & would'nt alow him
grant her this wish!
Not to continue wit this long story, what really happend @ last
was a DIVORCE. Just because she want's to work ???
U know somethin,
I always have this thought "WHAT DO WOMEN WANT ?"
can anyone read me?
I hope all u ladiez will reply to my question.
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GOD BLESS UR SOUL! MAH OWN IS NT EVEN MARRIAGE DEY ALSO TEND 2 PURE-HATE!
HONEE COMBS, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY ON THE RIGHT LANEEEEEEEEE. INFACT WHERE YOU DEY HIDE? TWO DAYS ....SHIRU
MY OWN IS IF GUY THINKS THAT DATING OR BEING FREINDS WITH A GEL OR IS RUNNING OR AVOIDING GEL WEY JUSS DEY ACQUIRE EDUCATION THAT PESSIN DEY SUFFER FROM INFERIOR COMPLEX!!! AND DAT PESSIN NA ONE SELFISH PESSIN AND ANY GEL WEY DEY AROUND THESE KIND OF PEOPLE SHOULD STRICTLY BOYCOTT THESE PEOPLE BECAUSE ONLY ENEMIES OF PROGRESS WILL NOT LIKE WOMEN WEY GET BRAIN. ::)
TOH MAN AND WOMAN OPPORTUNITY DEY, IF YOU WAN BE EDUCATED YOU CAN BE IF YOU WANT TO BE ILLETRATE DAT ONE SEF NA POSSIBLE..............IF YOU WAN MARRY EDUCATED PESSIN DAT ONE NA POSSIBLE IF YOU WAN MARRY ILLITRATE A'aaa DAT ONE NA VERY POSSIBLE BUT NOWADAYS EDUCATED GULS WILL BE ON THE TOP LIST MEN ARE SEEKING FOR IN WOMEN..........
THERE IS A GOVERNOR DAT MARRIED AN ILLETRATE......SO BA MATSALA, NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, SO IF ANY GUY THINK EDUCATED CHICK PASS HIS CAPACITY, WALLAHI GO MARRY ILLERATE, INFACT LIFE GO BETTER....... ;D
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MY OWN IS IF GUY THINKS THAT DATING OR BEING FREINDS WITH A GEL OR IS RUNNING OR AVOIDING GEL WEY JUSS DEY ACQUIRE EDUCATION THAT PESSIN DEY SUFFER FROM INFERIOR COMPLEX!!! AND DAT PESSIN NA ONE SELFISH PESSIN AND ANY GEL WEY DEY AROUND THESE KIND OF PEOPLE SHOULD STRICTLY BOYCOTT THESE PEOPLE BECAUSE ONLY ENEMIES OF PROGRESS WILL NOT LIKE WOMEN WEY GET BRAIN... (http://dantatafamily.com/images/blabla.gif)
Hmmm, i wounder what made u think so ???
What happened 2 ma question hafsy ?
WHICH OF YOUR QUESTIONS?
I dont know about you guys but simple example is in this forum. Some of the BIG BOYUSH ARE SCARED OF THE BIG GEZ HERE. :lol: Ok trully its begining to scare me. Once overheard a guy say "kai wallahi tafi karfi na, tasan boko too much" Now what was that? She shouldnt learn. I dont know what is scaring the boys: They think once a girl is educated or more educated than them she will be controlling or dominating. Abi how wuna see am boys?
Kai!!!!!! ni ban yarda ba sam! Amma, men with this perception hold it so much due to their insecurity but me am the competitive type. If she has a degree i enroll for masters and if she is the maesters type, i will go for Phd..................................... but i will never marry an iliterate!!!
Elgazus, that really made me laugh :lol: :lol: :lol:
I think I will here say for me I can marry any type of person. Literate or illeterate but onething that is important is intelligence and good family values. If she is intelligent, fine, cos she can learn literacy later. If she has good family values I will be sure of her integrity at least.
Remember that happiness in life is not always about getting the right people about you but it is all about being the right person yourself.
I then pray to be the one who always can tolerate and accomodate NOT the one that will always be tolerated and accomodated by his/her partner.
Quote from: "elgaazus"Kai!!!!!! ni ban yarda ba sam! Amma, men with this perception hold it so much due to their insecurity but me am the competitive type. If she has a degree i enroll for masters and if she is the maesters type, i will go for Phd..................................... but i will never marry an iliterate!!!
Brotha Elgaazus (she laffs) .......education is not prerogative, it goes 4 any1 wit interest in it, so also illetracy is not a priviledge. We can all learn. So I see no reason to compete with a girl, why not a male? Or is it that girls should never qualify until a guy has surpassed that qualification? Or perhaps its socially and morally wrong if a girl carries a little wise on her shoulder more worthier than a guy seems to be carrying koh? If otherwise, then please where is the wrong? In the line of education there should be no class distinction b/w males & females talkless of superiority in qualification. I taut acquring education is a choice with its good end-result, I didnt know dat is all bout competition these days.......! We got same brains, just a matter of how we use it! IN A WAY, Wat u r indirectly sayin & in ma words is this: men who have no intention of doing either degree or phd shud quickly do so only if a girl is on d process of doing it as well so that she wont b on d upper hierachy level level koh?
Education as a whole is juss human thoughts ova human centuries! I know knowledge is d key to serenity & ease but that doesnt mean those that lack knowledge are useless bt that I can giv you more than 10 real facts on ppl that have acquired beneficial knowledge bt fruitless knowledge 2 dem. Fruitless knowledgable beings are those that know the right but proceed on the wrong, are those that have read & studies but useless it all. But on d whole, knowledge is the light that leads to wisdom, it is life for one's soul & fuel 4 anoda. Howeva, I wudnt care less & I dont care if one an illetrate cus wat he/she knows I myt not know or may neva know!.........
Am not prayin 4 u Elgaazuz (b/4 u kill me), but NEVA SAY NEVA! adei fada da inshallah! to always add inshallah......Man proposes, God disposes! You might end up marrying sumone who doesnt even know wat a pen is tlkless of a paper! Theres more 2 ppl joining in matrimonial grounds not juss 4 education sake!
Seriously, its really strange d way some men react once they c a girl who happens to know book a little bit better than they do. Not d fact dat they dont kno aswell, but everyone has an area of speciality. What she knows u myt not know and what u know she might not know.......every1 has a brain, so wats the story there? Use it as you like....wanna learn? fine! Dont wanna learn? fine! Wetin hot there?
Am not telling u all these rather, I am posing them for you considersation.
You & dis your blue headed avatar, brought it back again talking of obssesion...watevah happened to di lady with the Hijab? I liked that avatat better! Anyway its so you. From Holy to Rascal and from Rascal back again to Holy. CHILD YOU ARE UNPREDICTABLE LOL. CHILD better not forget my birthday's around the corner, SO START SAVING :roll: .
MEETAH....TELL THEM LIKE IT IS KINJI! ONCE A GIRL KNOWS HOW TO RECITE HER A'B'C's THEY START GETTING PARANOID! THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH MOST MEN, BASA SO AT ALL, AT ALL TO EVEN HEAR A GAL GAT COMMON SENSE! AND IF SHE HOLD A BETTER QUALIFICATION IRIN SU BROHER ELGAZUUS WILL START WHINING ABOUT IT.
WELL HARDLUCK BOYS/MEN WHATEVER CATEGORY YOU BELONG TO!
Ni matsala ta da mata, yawancin su da zarar sun san sun fi mijinsu ilimi, shikenan sai girman kai ya tashi. Su na ganin sun fishi wayewa da sanin duniya. I remember a particular girl I liked. She's an undergraduate at BUK, reading Law. Duk lokacin da muke magana sai ta rika nuna min cewa duk abin da na fadi akwai kuskure akai. Ban isa in yi mata gyara a harkar ta ba sai ta bullo ta wata sigar daban, ta zulle. Wai ita ga lauya! :x Har ta taba ce min ita ko baban ta ne yayi kuskure sai ta gaya masa gaskiya, balle ni. Kai har na gaji na rabu da ita. To irin wadannan halaye shi ke sa wasu maza tsoron auren mata 'yan boko.
Quote from: "Bakan~Gizo"Ban isa in yi mata gyara a harkar ta ba sai ta bullo ta wata sigar daban, ta zulle. Wai ita ga lauya! :x Har ta taba ce min ita ko baban ta ne yayi kuskure sai ta gaya masa gaskiya, balle ni. Kai har na gaji na rabu da ita.
Kai kuma MACE BATA ISA ta gayamaka haka ba ko? Ai tsiyan naku kenan. Nuna isa da son girma. Kasan halin mata da son surutu, you dont even know whether surutu ne yayi surutu that she went off tracks. Plus haba malam idan kayi mata gyara, kasani ko kai kanka kayi kuskure? Are you studying Law? Nnaaaayi........men! chiaw!
So you cannot face up to her but end what you had good going with her. If you think she's gone over the border, then ya kamata amatsayinka ka nuna mata daidai. Well religion says if you think your parents are in the wrong, then speak up to them so long its in accordance with Islamic rights. But kawai cus she always argues you left her (Hafsy turns around looking for her Bulala) You need a good whipping. Now what makes you think the next girl is perfect? No girl is perfect, you just have to learn to live with them and in that living you help them realise their blunders or mistakes. What make you think the next girl you get with aint like that? There must be something not too good about her we are all not perfect and NEVER perfect.
You are so used to that thing most men say. That once she got it going with intelligence, girman kai will start. Yanzu example, I believe you mum is educated, does she do girman kai? Am sure your answer will be no. Besides not all women do that. You should know better, a LAWYER ALWAYS ARGUES, besides she has her own opinion you have yours. If I was you I would have shut her by saying your opinions yours, my opinion's mine. Now lets go ask your daddy if I can marry you. End of.......(maybe I have gone overboard) but kaga magana ta kare.
mhmmmm kudena wani seeking din excuse. Kunsan abun dake damun maza masu tsoron su aure mata masu ilimi? This is just a few of the reasons.
FEAR! If not fear why would you leave the girl? Idan tayi maka girman kai kayi mata but a man of worth stands his grounds zai nuna mata dadai. And for some men its INSECURITY! What will happen, she can end up taking over my assets (lol) some is just sheer JELOUSY! Yet SOME of you still wont admit to it. Am glad most sistahs know that. Ana kawai kallon ku dashi, idan ka kara guduwa daga gulfreind dinka, she will be laughing at your behind cus she knows why!
mhmmm as for that you girl Bakan-Gizo, you go soon bite finger :roll: and by that time she be in the arms of another man.
Hafsy, easy now. zamu nada ki shugabar "Kare Hakki da Kula Da Ci Gaban Matan Arewa". Yawwa.
Now. Let's clear some few points here:
1) I have no problem with my lady/woman/girl challenging me or showing she is intelligent. I won't/didn't /couldn't even marry a girl whose educ. level is below Diploma. A 'yes sir' girl is too dull for my liking. A bit of intelligent discourse spices up the relationship. What I don't stand for is when every bit of conversation with her is a debate and she won't stand for correction.
2. Ever heard of diplomacy? It is said to be the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way that he/she would look forward to the trip. So even if telling your parents they are wrong is allowed, you don't convey the message in such an arrogant way to mean "I can correct my parents. What more of small you!".
3. Yeah, I should have tried to educate her, persevere with her behavior, make her see things my way. But what gives you the impression that I didn't :roll: ? In case you don't know, my patience and time is exhaustible, especially when there are girls out there more educated than her, more humble and ready to accede to my point when am right?
4. So malama Hafsy, irin wadannan halaye na mata su ke tsorata maza suyi tsammani ba ta da halayen kirki ko tarbiyya. Sai kaga mutum ya cika wandon sa iska, sai ku rika cewa an ki a aure ku.
Quote from: "Hafsy_Lady"Quote from: "Bakan~Gizo"
mhmmm as for that you girl Bakan-Gizo, you go soon bite finger :roll: and by that time she be in the arms of another man.[/color]
Let me admit that I liked her. I really do. I wished things turn out differently. But, sorry to disappoint you. No regret so far. :D
i think the whole problem with hausa men is that they are intimidated by an educated woman. oh yes its true. i was in love with a man, and i was ready to come move to kano to be with him, but i guess he felt that he couldnt control me because when somthings wrong i speak the truth and when somthings right i speak the truth. a man should never be intimidated but be proud to have a woman who can represent him at anytime.my parents want me to marry in kano. but some of the men there just make me think other wise. you see so many young men with 2 or 3 wives with so many children, and they dont have stable jobs and money to live comfortably, but yet they marry because its writtin in the quran, but some seem to forget that in the quran it states that" A MAN CAN MARRY UP TO 4 WIVES ONLY IF HE CAN LOVE AND TREAT THEM EQUALLY" i guess this part the men forget to read. lol but hausa men need to show a little more compassion for their wives, make her feel like his queeen and give her the love that she deserves, then she wouldnt be thinking of divorcing to marry somone else if your doing what makes her feel good. i mean come on guys we go through alot: get pregnant, give birth, raise the kids, cook, clean, wash clothes, house work. so why not show a little more respect for the woman of the house and let her know that she is appreciated rather than make her feel as if thats her daily duty.
salam
naijagal
Quote from: "naijagal" but i guess he felt that he couldnt control me because when somthings wrong i speak the truth and when somthings right i speak the truth.
At times the truth is better left unsaid.
but some seem to forget that in the quran it states that" A MAN CAN MARRY UP TO 4 WIVES ONLY IF HE CAN LOVE AND TREAT THEM EQUALLY" i guess this part the men forget to read.
This one's a bit simple ai....The same God swore in the qur'an that we can never treat equally our wives.
lol but hausa men need to show a little more compassion for their wives, make her feel like his queeen and give her the love that she deserves
LOL.. the hausa men are seriously UNROMANTIC. That explains why the hausa language has very few words expressing love.Its sort of a taboo.
salam
naijagal
:oops: lol your right, but i know i dont keep my mouth shut for nothing. its hard for me not to express myself. so i guess men would feel intimidated when i speak somtimes. but insha allah i might meet that one who would know where i am coming from, one who only wants one wife and one who is compassionate and romantic.
salam
naijagal
InshaAllah.
But i doubt such a person exists among the arewa men.Ko ya zauna da mace dayar dai toh forget that romantic stuff you are yearning for.or so many other minuses...
Just pray you will be happy wat ever the situation you find yourself in.No ones perfect and the happy ever after is in fairy tales.if you understand that,then marriage will be so much happier(especially to the educated girls).
All the best naijagal, but me think the best to wish and pray for would have been a God fearing man. Someone who would treat you well and justly, rather than seeking for "romantic, compassionate and who wants only one wife". Life is not a novel or those carefully prepared romatic films, you know. Amma Allah ya bada sa'a. But do try and moderate how you "express yourself or how you don't keep your mouth shut".
Precious: To say that such men as required by naijagal don't exist in Arewa is a little far fetched. Guda nawa kika gwada? Akwai su (mu) da yawa. Ba ki ji ance maza dangin gurjiya bane? Sai an fasa akan san na kwarai!
My vew is that people make the mistake of thinking that what their son rai desires is the only suitable thing.
In reality it is almost never so.Sometimes that which you like the most is not the right thing for you but rather what might be eventually the best thing is the one you would initially shun.
So i agree with Bakan~Gizo that the premeditaded notion of romance, love, monogamy, financial security etc are in reality not the yardstick for deciding on a life-partener(though they have adegree of importance).
What anyone(i'm presuming this thread is about marriage in muslim-hausalands) should do is perform the Sunnah of Istikhara and rely on judgements based on the criteria laid down by the Holy Prophet(saw).
I dare say the over-reliance on the aforementioned romantic notions might be responsible for the bulk of failures ofmarriages in our part of the world.
This topic has turned from "the travails of marraige in hausa land" to let us bash hausa men and blame them for all the problems. Not all hausa men choose marry uneducated women, prevent there wives from working, or even have the intention of marrying more than one wife(which is allowed if u can be just between them).
My grandmother once told me in the old days it was embarassing for to wife to be an only wife resons for this are ,both social and other wise.
In the old days men dont frown when they are in there houses and then come outside and flirt with anything that walks in skirt )or wrapper).
There was a better sense of social responsibility in those days.
Marraige is about romance and companionship before the wedding and after.The girls just concentrate on "akwati nawa aka kawo na lefe","anko",and how many guests there will be in this big fancy dinner event in this fancy hotel.
The men kuma there own is worse,is she light colored?(yan kano kun san kanku),is she tall,she has a nice "figure",who is her father(minister,governor,international businessman).
Above all i beleive that if we did put 50% of the energy we put in courtship into marraige we would not have problems.Both sexes feel there is no need to do something extra for my husband/wife.
Wives dont dress up,husbands dont bring surprise gifts no more(i mean not for sallah or sunna).........................
Quote from: "WATERSPIDER"This topic has turned from "the travails of marraige in hausa land" to let us bash hausa men and blame them for all the problems. Not all hausa men choose marry uneducated women, prevent there wives from working, or even have the intention of marrying more than one wife(which is allowed if u can be just between them).
........................
You get it. And as zizo said, the over-reliance on romatic notions is a major factor on marriage failures. It is all about illusion, you know.
:x yes you are right. im not relying on marrying a man just because. i want a man who is open minded. some of our hausa men are very closed minded and because of this, they feel as if they can do what ever they feel to their wives. or some men just want to marry a rich girl hoping in the end the in laws would leave them a piece of family inheritance :evil: . i mean come on guys! you make woman like myself get turned off from marrying in kano and looking elsewhere. the men need not to look for a woman because of her or her famililes status, rather look for a good hearted woman, a woman who fears god and respects her husband and herself :lol: . having a woman like this would give you more happiness rather than having a woman whom changed her features just to please you! i mean come on. this has been on my mind for a long time. when the man is lookign for a woman, he will shower her, tell her everything she wants to hear, and then in the end once he gets what he wants he acts as if he is her commander!!!! but i know that there are many good men in kano and i kno insha allah one day i will meet him. yes i can say i am financially stable: i work, and go to school, actuallly i will be starting my graduate degree and im only 23, but im not looking for somone just like me, no! im not looking for a rich man nor a man whom holds high status in society, just somone who is humble, somone who can make me laugh. be there when im sad, and celebrate with me when i achieve. and i know that someday and oneday he will come and i will be happy.
salam
naijagal[/b]
Kedai a ci gaba da addua.
Quote from: "ali_grema"???iand i believe the question of too many girls than boys.but still the desire to have more is inevitable.
*signs*..................u kno I hate 2 rant off a topic. Really interestin discussions wit fantastic counter arguments goin on. I did hav a few smiles 4 d ladies.....but (on a more serious tone) I got major issue 2 clear out........I seriously dnt hav issues bout men sayin all sort on women, funny enough I find my opionion same wit some men. But u kno dis really kills......it really, really, really kills meh.................cus everywhere I go....freinds, uncles, cousins, strangers, k-online crew as long as sexism favourism is going on......wat am olwez overhearin wen most men open their mouth is ........."women have a higher rate dan men", "women r just 2 much these days", "females surpass d number of males", plentyful girls r everywhere", more girls than boys"....awwwww y dnt all juss save us d headache & go on head & shove us 9 feet deeper so dat human generation can proceed :roll:
Of course women r half as much than men, ryt on point! Wit a quater of d men up in jail, a tenth of dem r nt straight & anoda quarter r nt worth ur tym & d rest are married 2 illegal substances! Wat u want sum sistahs 2 do? (she laffs) .......*wlks away*
Quote from: "Hafsy_Lady"You & dis your blue headed avatar, brought it back again talking of obssesion...watevah happened to di lady with the Hijab? I liked that avatat better! Anyway its so you. From Holy to Rascal and from Rascal back again to Holy. CHILD YOU ARE UNPREDICTABLE LOL.
U r seriosly one crazy dudette (she laffs). Its juss unfortunate dat Hafsy junior'z been named afta u....I tell u dat child is rebellin agaisnt everything...... & I can ur traces of insanity has trespassed from u her aunt unto her. :roll: Iner kinka shigah, kwana diyawa fa!
Oh by d way............Holiness I remain 2 d fullest.....those dat hvnt been touched by d hands of God........... (tongues out!) tough luck! (she laffs)
GIDANKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.
LIKE YOU HAVENT SINNED COUNTLESS TIMES, VERY BAD SINS............DONT MAKE ME TELL THE REST OF THE FAMILY HERE :twisted:
TWO DAYS, INA KIKA SHIGA?[/b]
Quote from: "ummita"Quote from: "ali_grema"???iand i believe the question of too many girls than boys.but still the desire to have more is inevitable.
Of course women r half as much than men, ryt on point! Wit a quater of d men up in jail, a tenth of dem r nt straight & anoda quarter r nt worth ur tym & d rest are married 2 illegal substances! Wat u want sum sistahs 2 do? (she laffs) .......*wlks away*
:shock: Bu ha ha ha ha ha (wayyo Allah cikina) O'gel na so you carry mouth finish them like so? Na winsh do you di day wey you write this. Cant stop laughing lol lol :mrgreen: [/b]