On a lighter note, a friend sent me a satire on Bush and Condoleeza Rice. Its so funny I thought I should share it with all of you. Some of you may have come across it during your cybertravels on the internet. Anyway enjoy the piece and remember it is not my handiwork.
HU'S ON FIRST By James Sherman
(We take you now to the Oval Office, George Bush talking to Condoleezza Rice.)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader
of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the
Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should
send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese
food in the Middle East?
hahahha...... that is toooooooo soooooooo funny!!!!!!!!!
kai that wuz fuhunny ;D.Daman the guy looks like one jaki(lol).u guys really got him
Huda Babes, Thats trully wat u call a laff!! I like it.
QuoteDaman the guy looks like one jaki(lol).u guys really got him
I didnt know one of our kanoonline memebers was part of d meeting!!!!! ::) So Mo how does he look like ?
this is the only thing that have made me smile all week. kai dukka yen' office dimmu were laughing their guts out and yah they are AMERICAN but they still find to be so perfectly right. he's so dakiki and slow
dama wannan bush din JAKI ne da gaske hahahaha. I was told but I did`nt believe
lol this is really off tha hook. who knowz,Bush in reality might be as dull as it apears here ;D ;D ;D
and plz kepp tha jokes comin.
Ummulhuda, I like the name. I like hausa names for some reason.
This is great, very funny and everything rhyms.
Keep your scrolls on
'Huda thanks for this, it has lighten up a whole community. You are better than NEPA and Enron, keep on lightening our moods.
Quote
I didnt know one of our kanoonline memebers was part of d meeting!!!!! ::) So Mo how does he look like ?
C ur life, u come miss the whole thing MO dey yarn.
Lol well u cant blame the guy he is an American :D
Quote
I didnt know one of our kanoonline memebers was part of d meeting!!!!! ::) So Mo how does he look like ?
Ummita did'nt really get wat u were trynna say ???.actually ...........ban gane ba kawai
Quote
C ur life, u come miss the whole thing MO dey yarn.
C my life!!!! (U is surely givin b d cramps 4 lafter). U sabi c life?
Moh........guess I didnt really pick up d hint: :-/
yeah i think so,nnyways no prob ;)
HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
1. AT LUNCH TIME, SIT IN YOUR PARKED CAR WITH SUNGLASSES ON AND POINT A HAIR DRYER AT PASSING CARS. SEE IF THEY SLOW DOWN.
(i'm HAVE to try this ;D )
2. PAGE YOURSELF OVER THE INTERCOM, DON'T DISGUISE YOUR VOICE.
3. EVERY TIME SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING, ASK IF THEY WANT THAT SUPER SIZED.
4. PUT YOUR GARBAGE CAN ON YOUR DESK AND LABEL IT "IN."
5. PUT DECAF IN THE COFFEE MAKER FOR 3 WEEKS. ONCE EVERYONE HAS GOTTEN OVER THEIR CAFFEINE ADDICTIONS, SWITCH TO ESPRESSO.
7. FINISH ALL YOUR SENTENCES WITH "IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PROPHECY."
(lol.. i'mma try this f'real....)
8. DON'T USE PUNCTUATION
9. AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE, SKIP RATHER THAN WALK.
10. ASK PEOPLE WHAT GENDER THEY ARE.
11. SPECIFY THAT YOUR DRIVE-THROUGH ORDER IS "TO GO."
(LoL!!...that wld be highly annoying!)
12. SING ALONG AT THE OPERA.
13. GO TO A POETRY RECITAL AND ASK WHY THE POEMS DON'T RHYME.
14. PUT MOSQUITO NETTING AROUND YOUR WORK AREA & PLAY A TAPE OF JUNGLE SOUNDS ALL DAY.
15. FIVE DAYS IN ADVANCE, TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU CAN'T ATTEND THEIR PARTY BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT IN THE MOOD.
16. HAVE YOUR COWORKERS ADDRESS YOU BY YOUR WRESTLING NAME, ROCK HARD
17. WHEN THE MONEY COMES OUT OF THE ATM, SCREAM "I WON, I WON! 3RD TIME THIS WEEK!!!!!"
18. WHEN LEAVING THE ZOO, START RUNNING TOWARDS THE PARKING LOT, YELLING "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, THEY'RE LOOSE!!"
19. TELL YOUR CHILDREN OVER DINNER, "DUE TO THE ECONOMY, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO LET ONE OF YOU GO."
QuoteHOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
4. PUT YOUR GARBAGE CAN ON YOUR DESK AND LABEL IT "IN."
5. PUT DECAF IN THE COFFEE MAKER FOR 3 WEEKS. ONCE EVERYONE HAS GOTTEN OVER THEIR CAFFEINE ADDICTIONS, SWITCH TO ESPRESSO.
9. AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE, SKIP RATHER THAN WALK.
10. ASK PEOPLE WHAT GENDER THEY ARE.
(12. SING ALONG AT THE OPERA.
15. FIVE DAYS IN ADVANCE, TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU CAN'T ATTEND THEIR PARTY BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT IN THE MOOD.
16. HAVE YOUR COWORKERS ADDRESS YOU BY YOUR WRESTLING NAME, ROCK HARD
17. WHEN THE MONEY COMES OUT OF THE ATM, SCREAM "I WON, I WON! 3RD TIME THIS WEEK!!!!!"
19. TELL YOUR CHILDREN OVER DINNER, "DUE TO THE ECONOMY, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO LET ONE OF YOU GO."
Those were WICKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F.D.Q.!!! and the above are my faves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So John Clease! So Monty Python! So Mr BEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
QuoteHOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
1. AT LUNCH TIME, SIT IN YOUR PARKED CAR WITH SUNGLASSES ON AND POINT A HAIR DRYER AT PASSING CARS. SEE IF THEY SLOW DOWN.
(i'm HAVE to try this ;D )
I like the above bit...........
That is proper madness! That is insanity! That is way outta mentalilty.
QuoteHOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
19. TELL YOUR CHILDREN OVER DINNER, "DUE TO THE ECONOMY, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO LET ONE OF YOU GO."
i can see Venom doing this.... LoL!!!!!
LoL!!!! Ummul and Ummi... that hairdryer would juss be AWESOME.. try it in naija and people will park to flog u!!!!!
The ATM machine bit is juss crayyzzeeee!!!!! or skippin! lol...
Amma dyme u really got venom ;D .nnyway no be the guy fault na econs the guy dey study ;D
Can I juss add su'in up here! Ok...thnx 2 all of u
Read this.............it will surely help esp when all worked up r stressed out......
This is a cat a cat good cat way cay to cat keep cat an cat idiot cat busy cat for 10 seconds
NOW READ AGAIN WITHOUT SAYIN CAT
Got yah!!!!(she laffs)
Ummita! lol...that's sooo funny.
and so cat Cat CAt CAT CATTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
meow! ;) ;)
kaii so all of us na .....kai! i no fit talk am :'(
nywayz nice one :D
i'm out ;) :D
hmmmm.....Ummita na wa for u.
Laughing in hausa Dariya dariya dariyya diyya,........... Ummita Blad
Ummul I like that Meow!!! lol
Crazinesss dey for this forum no bi small. Kanoonline family thumbs up to you all
That was funny
Ummita!!(lol) ,u really got us indeed
LEARN CHINESE!
English Chinese
thats not right sum ting wong
are you habouring a fugitive? hu ya hai ding
i think u need a face lift chin tu fat
i thot u were on a diet wai yu mun ching
your body odour is offensive yu stin ki pu
our meeting was scheduled for next week wai yu kum nao?
please stay a while longer wai go nao?
You are not very bright Yu So Dum
hehe.. a friend did that lol!
51 ways to annoy ur roomates
Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
Twitch a lot.
Talk while pretending to be asleep.
Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
Become a subgenius.
Inject his/her Twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
Speak in tongues.
Move your roommate's personal effects around. Start subtly.
Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
Walk and talk backwards.
Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye."
Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. "The Road Warrior," "Repo Man," "Casablanca") almost inaudibly.
Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian Arias on a kazoo. If your roommate complains, explain that it is for your performance art class (or hit him/her with the wrench).
Collect all your urine in a small jug.
Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple of weeks."
Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can.
Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
Eat glass.
Smoke ballpoint pens.
Smile. All the time.
Collect dog poop in baby food jars. Sort them according to what you think the dog ate.
Burn all your waste paper while eyeing your roommate suspiciously.
Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho-Hos in the bottom of a trash can. When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.
Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a list of grievances.
Paste boogers on the windows in occult patterns.
Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.
Dye all your underwear lime green.
Spill a lot of beer on his/her bed. Swim.
Buy three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet.
Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it.
Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate's parents (postage due).
Pray to Azazoth or Zoroaster. Sacrifice something nasty.
Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up.
Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
Arrange thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Set one aside from the rest. Laugh hysterically at the one toothbrush. When your roommate asks about it, refuse to discuss the situation.
Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.
Whenever s/he is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with "Didja ever wonder why...." Be creative.
Shave off one of your roommate's eyebrows. Comment repeatedly on how it makes him/her look younger.
Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and pile your dirty clothes on the empty bedframe. If your roommate comments, mutter "Gotta save space," twenty times while twitching violently.
Put horseradish in your shoes.
Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall.
Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.
Always flush the toilet three times.
Subsist entirely on pickles for a week. Vomit often.
Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic's "Pennsylvania Polka," and play it at least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that it's an assignment for your primitive cultures class.
Give him/her an allowance.
Listen to radio static.
Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.
Cry a lot.
Have I been here? Dont think so...
:-/ eniwez no comments