Men of nowadays simply kick their wifes who have been with them in sickness & in health through good and hard times with half a genuine reason to back-up for their actions.....
Diovrces fluactuates seriously in AREWA rising in its peak is in Kano...so I heard.....
Men divorce women these dayz on grounds that does not imply in sharia law or even family law.
From my own point of view, factors that r most likely to lead to seperation shud stand or can I say can only stand on these grounds:
-Young marriages under stress
-Money & other worries
-Stressful jobs/cant support family
-Two timing Husbands or wifes either way committing adultery
-Desertion: Husband or wife abandoning one party
for at least 2-5yrs.
But failingly, men of nowadays dont put these into consideration, they dont even get it. They divorce women simply on arguments, misunderstanding,misconduct,
misbehaviour & because a new bride is stepping in & he has the pride.
.........where as they can both settle their disputes without maigida ruling out that word "nasakeki saki uku"
"Would any right thinking husband come to the conclusion that his wife has behaved in such a way that he cannot reasonably sort things out & live with her, taking into account the whole circumstances,characters & personalities of his wife"? Then who is he 2 Jugde out rules not giving it a go... on resolving issue?!!!
I know of certain, even in sharia Law divorce is not granted unless a genuine reason & fact is brought forward.
In family law/English law is not granted without a proof on any one of their five facts
If this is at all true then y quick punishment is to divorce her? A man divorced his wife simply because she couldnt cook!!!!!!!
And I never did hear divorce her on the fact that is she cannot cook u meals!!! Men in your women thinking is that fair?
Why marry someone that at the end of the day you can not train her or correct her but go off divorvcing her. If am not wrong another principle of marriage is seeing how very much of a good teacher the husby might turn out to be!!
Women do you think Family law shud be reformed? Or can we negociate,compromise,learn to be disciplined with our husband.
For women who seek divorce for no good reason....angels swear upon her till the day she dies......(SO I HEARD)
My queastions standz out.. How can we minimise the cost of marraige breakdowns in our society?
Abin mamaki irin wannan important topic and nobody is replying, it is suprising.
I think divorce in Hausaland is caused by the following:
1. Lack of love
2. Ignorance
3. Dishonesty
1. Lack of Love
A lot of marriages in Hausaland are not founded on love and hence this produces lack of respect between Husband and wife and most men dont take that easy.
2. Ignorance
Religious Ignorance not illitracy. A lot of our people men and women know nothing about Marriage in Islam they therefore abuse each others right when they found themselves together in marriage.
3. Dishonesty
When a marriage is founded upon dishonesty it is definitely bound to break down. Dishonesty mostly starts from courtship when the man or the woman lies or overstate his/her status or even behaviour/character.
ni kuma really ina ganin cewa takama ce. what I mean is that most of the time, the husbands think cewa sun isa. kuma by doing that they destroy the wife life. Most of them don't consider a contract of marriage of being anything, and some them don't even follow that the Quran said about them divorcing their wives. for example according to surah Talaq(Divorce) it says that
O Prophet! When ye do divorce women, divorce them at their prescribed periods, and count (accurately), their prescribed
periods: And fear Allah your Lord: and turn them not out of their houses, nor shall they (themselves) leave, except in case they are
guilty of some open lewdness, those are limits set by Allah. and any who transgresses the limits of Allah, does verily wrong his
(own) soul: thou knowest not if perchance Allah will bring about thereafter some new situation.
one should think that since we back up most of our behavious with the holy quran we shuld know that God detest divorce, we heard it over and over again.
Abumujahid ainun abun da ka fadi gaskiya kuma na yarda da hakan,amma ni i think the major cause is that of ignorance.
MaAssalam
MARRIAGE FOR THE WRONG REASONS!!!!!!...
greed, lust, and come whut may..... ofcourse there wont be any al-barka... and people with rashin imani...
and also...women are always remind of "their duty" to their husbands... aallll the tafsirs, wa'azi, etc... from our mallams.. its always "how the woman should be"... but u hardly hear about how "men should be"...
amma, maza suna da al-haqi sosai, idan ba su shiga hankalin su ba...
My one and only ummita! Very true what you have said. On my own part I willg o with what Gimbiya said.
I heard this guy divorced his wife, & she cudnt care less, so he went on sayi oho! na dai gama dake bazawara :o These men alaso boost about divorce, immediately she steps d wrong path, he will be responding by zan sake ki. So its all about pride. Divorce is becoming a fashion to men these dayz.
If they hang out to while away their leaisure hours they will start discussing who & who is being or is to divorced and then praisin the man who divorced his chick! Men!!!1
Halfsa I cant believe men will be that stupid to say that sun gama da matar su, why did they marry her in the first place to "gama da ita" and make her bazawara?
It's like I said any man that'll say that is stupid and married for the wrong reason not for what the Almighty Allah said and not for why the Holy Prophet(SAW) asked us to marry. I-G-N-O-R-A-N-C-E is what is disturbing our people. Alot of men do not know the right of the wife and the point at which they start abusing the wives. Although most women are not well learned too but it is the duty of the husband to give them knowledge both religious and non-religious. But in our land the men know not how will the women know then? It is a pathetic situation we have to change as a people or we are doomed. The number of divorcees in N.Nigeria (esp. Kano) is twice as much as virgins (budurwas). Lets be architects of change, lets tell all we know through articles, discussions (like this forum) etc.
Hafeez
Halfsa this is too much to comprehend, except the person married for all the wrong reasons i.e. to "gama wa da ita" and make her bazawara. It all boils down to ignorance, people are just praying and believing that they will enter paradise while religion is also mu'amalat, i.e. how you live with other people. Alot of us abuse our wive's rights due to ignorance and ignorance is not an excuse.
Many Northerners/muslims do not know that their wives have certain rights over them, they just assume that they should take all nonsense. Although most of the women are also not very well thought in both religious and other knowledge I do not think is their faults since the men whose duty it is to teach them are ignoramus(es) themselves. Lets spread knowledge through articles, lectures, discussions forums, etc. No matter how little we know lets share it. Lets initiate a change, right now there are more divorcees than virgins (budurwas) among our people. Thanks Ummita and May the Almighty Allah bless you for starting this topic.
Hey i know this topic is just in general but just 2 ask cos i heard dat this "SAKI" word and process is more common to da kanawa men, is this true?, cos now a days, a lot of women ar afriad 2 marry a bakano. So even when she is getting married, when her families ask, "migin dan ina ne?" immedaitely when they say "dankano ne", u would see this scary look on the questioner's face :o. So why is it common to the Kanawa's, is it all about how rich they are? ::)or wat???
Somebody just help give me a lil reason
hmm.. AbuMujahid... u havent heard about the man who wanted to get a second wife.. cuz... "jikin mata na ya sake"... *hiss.. wallah, men better becareful
yup beebat.. kano men are usually stereotyped wit this...
also.. blame the man's friends!!!! laydeez make sure ur man has good friends and make sure he doesnt do everything they tell him...
once a man is promoted.. meaning more dough.. his friends are most likely to say "haba, ka qara mata daya"... "ya kamata ka yi aure"
so, the new amarya will get all the goods the man and his first wife struggled to gain
Kano, Kano dai kai dan Kano ya shiga uku!!!!!!!!!!!!I think we dont have to trivialise issues here. All generalisations are wrong. The number of people that respect the institution of marriage in Kano is a lot more than in several places. I know several people who are not educated and have been with only one wife. You have to agree with me wether you are man or woman that marriage failures are more to od with the individual (Man or Woman) than with the culture or practice of the people.
Man is polygamous and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala has permitted man to marry more than one wife and unfortunately our women especially modern/westernised ones do not want to accept that!
I seriously believe that more than 50% of polygamous husbands married the second wife to complement some percieved lack in the first. Please dont take me as a chavinist or something I just want you to know that since not all women are the same, all men cannot be the same either.
Nah, Mujaheed, 2 me it has nutin 2 du with modernisation or being westernised!!!
Truss me, (SUPPOSING) my man wants 2 marry in another chick, believe me,.....she is highly welcome 2 Join in as a family, aslong as we r both goin to b respected by d breadwinner 'n' my second mates goin 2 keep things goin well.
D reason she married my man, is the same reason I married him, so y shud I b selfish 'n' not let her in. Hey!!! b it 4 wives, they r all welcome. So 2
2 me, marriage in in vague now!!! Men divorce women by things da bai kai ya kawa ba!
Divorce is a weapon a man shield himself from public embarassment, so that ppl will keep his reputation goin.
Women will leave a marriage if its unbearable, whereas a men will split if they get a gud OFFER
The questioin that has neva been answered & which I have not yet been able to ansa... despite my 76yrs ;) of research in masculine soul, is WHAT DOES A MAN REALLY WANT TO KEEP HIS MATRIMONIAL GROUNDS & KNOWING HIS LIMITS & BEING RESPONSBILE FOR IT?!!!!!!!!!!!
..mhmm.. my father came from a monogamous home... my momma is the only wife... and so it will carry on... insha Allah ;D...
sorry... but i cant see meeh with a 2nd wife.. talk less of 3rd and *shudder* 4th... hmmm... and i can never ever even look the way of a man wit' a wife...
this is one thing i dont understand about females who actually give married men attention... juss my opy oh!...
newayzz...tru Islam permitted polygamy... but too many men are takin' that for granted and are MISTREATIN' their wives and children...
"... then marry such women as may seem good to you, two, three or four. If you feel that you will not act justly, then one." (Qur?an 4:3)
CLEARLY!!!! Islam prefers MONO!!!
"You will never manage to deal equitably with women no matter how hard you try" (Qur'an 4:129).
"When you divorce women and they fulfill their terms (three menstruation periods) either take them back on equitable terms or set them free on equitable terms; But do not take them back to injure them or take undue advantage, If anyone does that, he wrongs his own soul. Do not treat God?s signs as a jest." (Qur?an 2:231)
Salam!
Try as you may, you cannot treat all your wives impartially. Do not set yourself altogether against any of them, leaving her, as it were, in suspense. If you do what is right and guard yourselves against evil, you will find God forgiving and merciful. If they separate, God will compensate both out of His own abundance: God is munificent and wise.The Holy Qur'an, Surah Women, Verses 129 & 130.
FDQ there is no proof that Islam prefers monogamy and I think you are aware that for every Aya in the Holy Qur'an there is an interpretation i.e, Tafsir apart from Translation, for instance my Tafsir Teacher told me that the word amma, i.e, ainun and mim in the surah Naba'i has over 20 interpretations/tafseer.
The full translation of aya 129 of Surah Nisa'i as quoted by you in your follow up:
"And you have it not in your power to do justice between wives, even though you may wish (it), but be not disinclined (from one) with total disinclination, so that you leave her as it were in suspense; and if you effect a reconciliation and guard (against evil), then surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful."
this went on to show that Islam is not against polygamy.
Please be very careful as a worshipper you can not dictate how to worship and remember that Islam is not just a religion, it is a way of LIFE. As a muslim you Culture, Tradition, Tribe and Race are supposed to be ISLAM. Therefore if the Holy Prophet (SAW) allowed his Sahaba (RA) to marry more than one but less than four wives then it is desirable to marry more than one wife. May the Almighty Allah guide us to be good Muslims. Amin.
Sorry let me add this for your information check this site: http://www.efatwa.com/, click on Categories and then marriage and click on polygamy.
*ahem* Islam SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO prefers monogamy...
i didnt say it's AGAINST...we all agree, it PERMITS... ?AND a man BETTER has good reasons to marry a second wife... not jus to show off and represent power and pride...
Ok lets look @ it this way... sumtym its not shorties fault.
The women theirselves du things with the intention of gettin a divorce.
How about those so-called freinds that will influence a lady, persuade, induce,incite or procur a freind without lawful justification 2 leave & remain apart from her man....leavin behind her matrimonial grounds?!!!!!
Habouring is soooooooooooo popular among AREWANZ women givin shelter 2 an arrant wife.
I mean those type of gurls who were looserz from day 1 & wud like 2 have their freind in d same situation..... they wud du their outmost su taye ta fita dega gidan mijinta!!!!. So a man will start seein diff changes & then kaboom.........she will speak out "Ni kasekeni". So divorce is not subjected 2 man alone, but the woman as well (Anani)? :-/
FDQ let me have backups where the Holy Prophet (SAW) or the Almighty Allah (SWT) says monogamy is preferred. I come from a polygamous family and for the last seven years I have only one wife and guess what? I have no plan to marry an additional wife. I believe that my wife has to give me an excuse to bring somebody in and so far she has not, in fact she is closing the doors and fortifying fortresses to detar me and interested parties. How is she doing that you may guess?
By being good, proactive, honest, responsible and superbly civil. I believe most men marry additional wives to take care of some short-comings they noticed from their wives and my best advice to women who want to make their husbands monogamous is to read their husbands and find out their likes, dislikes, etc and work on them and mark you I dont mean that they should allow themselves to be used or let their rights be abused. My wife fights me everyday and everytime I tried tresspassing her rights.
I think all muslims should just respect the Islamic provisions for marriages etc.
.. ofcourse, we should respect it.. but not take advantage of it... ko da yake.. kowa da laifin sa.. and mai Allah help those with gaskiya... and may He forgive the ones with layfi....... can i get an AMEN?!
newayzz... MOST of the time... its the man's fault.. amma, wallahi harda matan...
some women marry the men because they either have fame or money...
plus many of these ladies point their own destiny... i still dont understand HOW on earth a lady can actually carry herself go to a man's house who is known for divorcing wives like a sport... :-/
so wataran, su suke jawo wa kan su....
As far as Muslims r concerned, polygamy is permitted by Islam but d ryt shud b xcercised uder xceptional circumstances. Although Islam permits a plurality of wives, not xcideeing 4, it is only on condition of strcit equality of treatment among them:
The Quran says:
IF U FEAR U WILL NOT B ABLE 2 DEAL JUSTLY WITH THEM, THEN MARRY ONLY ONE. (4:4)
Soooooooo................my point is....
Nice post ya all, but pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase STOP painting kanawa BLACK!! Iam sure wat u heard ain't True, haba!! These days no body goes 4 second wifey.. wat 4?!!!
maaaaaaaan... kameel a thousand blessings on u!!! and may Allah continue to bless u till da day of judgement! all da sistaz say AMEN!....
FDQ take 'am easy! is just Kameel speaking not everybody, and nobody knows where she will be happy may be as a fourth wife somewhere.
QuoteAs far as Muslims r concerned, polygamy is permitted by Islam but d ryt shud b xcercised uder xceptional circumstances. Although Islam permits a plurality of wives, not xcideeing 4, it is only on condition of strcit equality of treatment among them:
The Quran says:
IF U FEAR U WILL NOT B ABLE 2 DEAL JUSTLY WITH THEM, THEN MARRY ONLY ONE. (4:4)
Soooooooo................my point is....
& polygamy is never something that would be fairy practised amongst hausa men to their wifes. There will never be a fair treatment.
Divorce is something that I dont think will stop. But to mention that it is increasing day by day. What good does a man do, by casting upon to miseries, two agonies on one woman? First she has been divorced, few men will be willign to marry her. As I heart men these day dont like marrying zawarawa(I dont know whether its true or not) Now burdens of no husband & sadness of breaking up with her husband. Where are our mallams? Where are the great preachers? Or havent these mallams preached to men that divorce is not the solution in marriage life?
Quote
& polygamy is never something that would be fairy practised amongst hausa men to their wifes. There will never be a fair treatment.
Divorce is something that I dont think will stop. But to mention that it is increasing day by day. What good does a man do, by casting upon to miseries, two agonies on one woman? First she has been divorced, few men will be willign to marry her. As I heart men these day dont like marrying zawarawa(I dont know whether its true or not) Now burdens of no husband & sadness of breaking up with her husband. Where are our mallams? Where are the great preachers? Or havent these mallams preached to men that divorce is not the solution in marriage life?
Equal treatment is between God and the husband. Polygamy is permitted period!!!!!! It is the prerogative of the practiser to ensure equal treatment and if he doesnt then it is between him and his Creator!!!!!!!!
INNA LILLAHI WA INNA ILAHIN RAJIUN. Yanzu dai in total 6 divorce stories happened in Kano all in JANUARY except one that happened in Kaduna last yr. Don Allah men help me quantify, what is it really the problem. Ai wannan hauka ne, kuma abun Allah ya sawake!!! Maza su dai zama auri na saki. What is reallllllllllllllly the problem? Ehen? DUk responses din mazan nan,wallahi ba wanda da tabada kwakkwaran bayani. I am lost in tunani :-/ Haka kawai bazan so nayi auri ba tun kafin nakia na da su alkaki na guzurin gidan mijina ya kare..jama'a suje an koro ni! Sam bazai yiwuba. Don haka maza wallahi kuyi hankali don zaku iya sa kanku cikin halakar ubangiji da koma rashin mace. Don ba yariyer da zata yadda ta auri na miji mai policy din just get pregnant produce one or two offsprings and you are out! Next person!! This is insane, why auri na saki? Why are these men victimising women like that????????
Bari dai 'yar uwa!! wallahi wannan abu yana ci man tuwo a kwarya!!! wai maza su rika sake mata kamar suna sake riga!!! An san dai divorce Allah ya halal ta shi...but at the same time it's the thing He most hate...I heard way everytime aka yi saki wai Al arsh yayi girgiza :-/ plz someone help me out here...
Well done Ummita for starting a thread which is almost
a problem to every house, especially here in the northern
part of Nigeria.
While we should always be respecting the Qur'anic verses,
we must NEVER attribute divorce to polygamy (not because
I am a practitioner) but because the whole of Qur'anic
injunctions lead to a better life - kulluha hudan linnasi.
It is a matter of concern, if i could remember, the day I
came back home from office with that full stress and met
my younger sister breast feeding, smiled to her and took
the baby trying to put a smile on his face. When I ask
what brought her, she broke into tears that her husband
divorced her. Immediately i dropped her baby and retire
into my inner room. Abin babu dadi, it is either you or
someone you dearly know. It took me nothing less than
72 hours of contstant negotiation, mediation and arbitration
before I could finally convince both parties that they were
meant to stay together till the end of time (2 pac)
This thread is intended to at least asnwer Ummita's long posed
question of what is really the problems and how could it be
averted. It is not a matter of dan-kano or bakatsine or balarabe,
its all about how we understand relationship at most.
Either marriage or ordinary relationship with anyone, it requires
(1) Sincerity (2) Love for the sake of Allah (3) Patience. WIthout
the above three, whichever relationship is built, will not see the
light of the day.
While men are saddled with the responsibility of taking care of their
wives, they should try as much as possible to be sincere in their
day to day life, while having it in mind that he loves his wife for the
sake of Allah only and he should also persevere in what ever evil
calamity will befall them in their relationship - (that is when the
word for better for worse was adopted), its all about patience.
This also applies to the woman, the three tenents plays a role in
panel beating their marriage life and making it more stronger and
waxer.
Where the problem usually comes is when we build our marriage
relationship based on worldly things alone; beauty, money and
sweet talks. Once any of these is absent, then the consequences
usually is separation.
The point i am trying to make is that, the happiness to a marriage
life is both in the hands of the couples, while the man carries along
more percentage than the woman, as we refer to them as weaker
sex.
The manner in which men divorce their wives is absolutely irresponsibility
and without any teaching from Islam. Islam permits divorce, when
all possible means of settling issues is being exhausted by the couples
and their waliys (guardian). However, its different here, we first of
all divorce, then later start regretting why why why why.
In a woman's thinking, when she demands for a divorce from a man, she
is portraying her bravery, while the man also shows his bravity by
pronouncing the word - at last the woman will break in tears ' wayyo
Allah na shiga uku, ka fallashe ni", while the man also start inner
weeping while she is away, turning from one side of his mattress to the
other adventuring for sleep to take him - alas no way.
Our society (before) never minds counselling married couples, this pave
way to unwanted divorce all over the place. But thanks to the modern
world, an fara wayewa sosai.
The string of marriage is with the woman, only when she gave it to the
man that he has the ability to break it. So its good for her to hide the
string in a place where it will not be found easily.
If you are married man, how will you feel when your daughter with two
children is divorced?
What about raising children far away from their mother's love? It is
either we address this issue or it becomes a cancer in our society.
Its on and on, let me allow other members to contribute.
Dan ALLAH adaina blaming side daya,kowa yana da laifinsa!
Quote from: hafiz amin umar on October 22, 2007, 02:54:00 PM
Dan ALLAH adaina blaming side daya,kowa yana da laifinsa!
Lallai haka ne, but yakamata musan cewa fa shi saki a hannu mu maza yake, komai karfin, ko iko mace, bazata iya sakin kanta ba.
Haka kuma mu maza mune shuwagabanni akansu wanda haka ya bamu damar yin yadda mukaga dama dasu (Ta yadda shari'a ta tanadar), amma a wadansu wuraren sai kaga sabanin hakan.
Maganar gaskiya dai anan itace, duk mutumin da ya damka hukuncin gidansa a hannun matarsa, tofa.................!
Gaskiya ya kamata mu maza mu rika yiwa matanmu adalci (Bawai ina nufin bayi bane, amma dai masuyi su kara, wadanda basayi kuma su rikayi)
Aure dai sunnace ta fiyayyen halitta (SAW), kuma ya koyarda yadda yakamata ayi da kuma yadda za'a zauna bayan anyi auren, matukar muka bi abinda ya koyar, to gaskiya bamu da matsala wanda har zai jawo kace wai kasaki matarka saki 3. Allah ya sauwake, amin.