How to Make Your Husband Happy
by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed
(NOTE: To help strengthening the Muslim families and spread the teachings of Islam
in building families, the Muslim Students' Association at the University of
Alberta prepared a extremely summarized translation for two books. The
books are Arabic by Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed. An Egyptian scholar,
who graduated from the Islamic University of AlMadinah Al-Munawwarah in
Saudi Arabia. The two books are:
1- How to make your wife happy
2- How to make your husband happy
They exceed the traditional presentation of stating rights and duties to the 'Adab (good
manners) and extend into application of these rights in daily life. The
following summary highlights mainly the responsibilities or examples of what
could or should be done. Every single item mentioned by the author is
supported by evidences from Qur'an, Sunnah or the actions of the companions,
but evidences are omitted in this translation.)
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1- Beautiful Reception
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After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you,
begin with a good greeting.
* Meet him with a cheerful face.
* Beautify and perfume yourself.
* Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested.
* Receive him with loving and yearning sentences.
* Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.
(How about shaking hands with him, or giving him a hug when he returns home. you can also surprise your husband by arranging a candlelight dinner at home, it is much better than going out for a dinner.)
2- Beautify and Soften the Voice
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* For your husband only, it shouldn't be used in front of non-mahram men
(men who can marry you if you were unmarried).
(Recite Qura'an for him, it is really good to have each other recite different surahs from Quran. You can also record some surahs for him in a CD. Also you can write some poems for him and read it.)
3- Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
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* Taking good care of your body and fitness.
* Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes.
* Bath regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces
or bad smells.
* Avoide that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape.
* Avoide prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoo.
* Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes.
* Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time.
* However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course,
only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.
(Do not let him feel that his wife is so boring. Do not give him a chance to look at another woman. Think about wearing a prom dress for him Or any "Harram" clothing. (Be very careful!!! Do it only when you two are home alone.)
4- Intercourse
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* Hasten for intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it.
* Keep your body clean and smelling good as possible including cleaning
yourself of released fluids during intercourse.
* Exchange loving phrases with your husband.
* Leave your husband to fully satisfy his desire.
* Choose suitable times and good occasions for exciting your husband,
and encouraging him to do intercourse, e.g. after returning from a
travel, weekends, etc.
(surprise him by decorating your bedroom, and even your bathroom. Remember, it is not only his duty to be romantic. Do not let your shyness stop you from expressing your love or being romantic.)
5- Satisfaction With What Allah (SWT) Has Allotted
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* You shouldn't be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a
simple job.
* You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember
Allah (SWT) for all that was given to you.
* You should remember that real wealth lays in Iman and piety.
(Always thank Allah No matter what. Money is not everything. if your husband is poor, do not ask him for anything that is beyond his means. When it comes to gift giving, be creative. You do not have to buy a gift for him, you can make on. You can also give him something that belongs to you. for example, your old comb, or your old purse. Learn to cherish thoughtful gifts.)
6- Indifference to Worldly Things
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* You should not consider this world as your hope and interest.
* You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things.
* Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible
(Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the hereafter and
utilize whatever Allah SWT gave them to achieve paradise (Jannah).
* Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order
to give charity and feed poor and needy people.
(Encourage your husband and also your children to participate in charity acts. Always remember, whatever you give in charity is something that you are actually saving for Akhirah. Dedicate some hours weekly to reading Quran with your husband. Ask his opinion about various verses in Quran. Let him be your teacher. )
7- Appreciation
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* By the saying of the prophet, the majority of people in hell were women
because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.
* The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and
will do his best to please you in more ways.
* The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be dissappointed
and will start asking himself: Why should I do good to her, if she never
appreciates?
( Do not forget to thank him often. Hide some thank you notes for him in a book that he reads, or in his drawer. Or even in his socks. Whenever he does an act of kindness, mention it in a diary. Read that diary on a special occasions, such as, on Eid. )
Devotion and Loyalty
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* In particular in times of calamities in your husband's body or business,
e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy
* Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.
( Protect yourself, protect your husband. always be loyal to him. Remember you are his best friend, and a friend in need is a friend indeed. Support him emotionally if he is having a rough time.)
9- Compliance to Him
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* In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram).
* In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his
support and consultant.
(Yep! Let him feel that he is the leader. You do not have to be the commander all the time. Do discuss with him if you ever have to make any decision. Let him decide what to cook today!)
10-Pleasing Him If He Is Angry
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* First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger.
* But if it happens that you can't, then try to appease him as follows:
1- If you mistaken, then apologize.
2- If he mistaken then:
# Keep still instead of arguing or
# Yield you right or
# Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully
with him.
3- If he was angry because of external reasons then:
# Keeping silent untill his anger goes
# Find execuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, some one
insulted him
# Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened,
e.g. 1) You should tell me what happened? 2) I must know what
made you so angry. 3) You are hidding something, and I have the
right to know
(If he is angry, and you get angry too, there will be no solution to this problem. If he is angry, try to hold his hands and tell him that you love him. If he is angry and throwing things around, do not worry. A hug will fix his anger. Do communicate with him, as communication is the key)
11-Guardianship While He is Absent
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* Protecting yourself from any prohibited relations.
* Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things
that the husbands don't like other people to know.
* Take care of the house and children.
* Takecare of his money and properties.
* Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full
hijab.
* Refuse people whom he does not like to come over.
* Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place.
* Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence.
(When he is absent, write letters to him. Call him and ask him if he has been eating well, sleeping well and so on.)
12- Showing Respect for his Family and Friends
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* You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his
parents.
* You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives.
* You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose
between his mother and his wife.
* Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to
sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.
* Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home.
* Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for
them, support them in calamities, etc..
(The best way to win your husband's heart is to win his family's heart. Give your mother-in-law thousands of hugs each week. A good night hug, a good morning hug, a welcome-back hug, a bye bye hug, and so on. Be really sincere to his family. Remember, his family is your family too. If you do not live in a joint family, do call his family members often. If his family members are not muslim, then do dawah to them by your actions first.)
13- Admirable Jealousy
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* Jealousy is a sign for wife's love for her husband but it should be kept
within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulating or backbiting others,
disrespecting them, etc..
* You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.
(letting him take another female friend is a NO NO! it is harram. So be a good friend to him. If you are a good listener and a good friend, he would never need another woman in his life. Do not be jealous if he spends more time with his family, rather encourage him to meet with his family members.)
14-Patience and Emotional Support
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* Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.
* When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your
hsubandh, your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases,
accidents, death, etc.
* When facing hardships in Da'wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested,
etc.), be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and
remind him of paradise.
* When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment
(Remember, Allah promised to be with those who are patient. So have patience. Often remind him the good news from Qura'an. If he is angry, repel his anger by your love. If he is not willing to listen to you, then give him sometime. Try to write something good on a paper and explain to him how you feel)
5- Support in Obedience to Allah, Da'wah and Jihad
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* Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory
and voluntary worships.
* Encourage him to pray at night.
* Listen and reciting the Qur'an individually and with your husband.
* Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband.
* Remember Allah SWT much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.
* Share in arranging Da'wah activities for women and children.
* Learn Islamic rules (ahkam) and good manners ('adab) for women.
* Support your husband's activities by encouraging him, offering wise
opinions, soothing his pains, etc.
* Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband
for Da'wah.
* Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed and remind him that you and
children will be in the preservation of Allah SWT.
(Dawah is a duty! Do encourage him to do dawah and Islah. if he has non muslim friends and family members, encourage him to meet with them also to discuss about Islam. Pray and read Quran, learn Arabic, memorize surahs from Quran. Remember Allah always, so Allah swt Remembers you and blesses your relationship. Never let satan deceive you in anyway)
16-Good Housekeeping
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* Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged.
* Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom.
* Perfect of food and prepare healthy foods.
* Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing.
* Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way.
(No matter how much messy your husband is, he still expects you to keep your house clean. So be a good housekeeper. Do discuss with him first if you want to make any changes at home. Remember always! sharing is caring. Try different recipes from all over the world. If you are from USA, do not cook macaroni and cheese all the time...... and if you are from Pakistan, do not cook roti all the time. Try out different dishes from all over the world. Be in touch with sisters from different parts of the world and exchange recipes with them. Remember, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach)
17-Preservation of Finances and the Family
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* Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission
unless you are sure that he agrees on this.
* Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.
* Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc. Take care of
their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc. Teach them Islam
and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions.
Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed,
for the translator brother Abu Talhah, and for the reviewer,
brother Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so
forgive us our faults and correct our errors.
Muslim Students' Association
University of Alberta
Edmonton, Canada