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General => General Board => Topic started by: Anonymous on October 18, 2002, 10:02:04 PM

Title: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Anonymous on October 18, 2002, 10:02:04 PM
PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE

I have never met a person who didn't want to be loved. But I rarely meet a person who doesn’t fear marriage. Something about the end seems hopeless, not encouraging. Marriage appears easier to be understood for what it cuts out of our lives than what it makes possible within our lives.

When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends getting married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering days and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate. And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at each other’s habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much love each other less?

The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed.  It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the onset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages. Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colours the way you see yourselves together.  It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which the relationship eventually survives or fails. You need to find a way to see beyond the initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side. This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual altogether in an attempt to get to know each other, apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.

The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality. This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately you need to look beyond it for there are keys to companionability.

One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each other's company over long time. You will have a healthy relationship to the world if your laughter together is good and healthy; and not at the expense of others. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new. Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour over time. Sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.  After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly captivating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages, the outside world becomes important again.  If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.

There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not reveal; and private commitments to a vision of life we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those sacred parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives. From there it is only a small jump to the cataloguing of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates. So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your heart.

I pick "M" words carefully whenever I speak of miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child.  Only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and to be lived by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex. So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow. If you have sufficient faith, that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken, and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience. Then; you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of marriage will make it worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom.
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Dan-Sokoto on October 19, 2002, 09:34:22 AM
I.Waziri, what you expressed is a real food for thought. But i was kind of wondering how those thoughts really fit into a situation where a man has or is contemplating marrying more than one wife? Lets say in a case where one has four wives as permitted by our great religion of islam.

Grateful

Dan-Sokoto
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Ihsan on October 19, 2002, 01:46:50 PM
I. WAziri, do you write poems?  :-/
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Blaqueen on October 19, 2002, 09:20:21 PM
Waziri... that was beautiful!!!!!!!!..... i only pray that people will realize such things...

DSoks... whut would be YOUR reason for gettin' a second wife??? juss wondering!!!


and waziri..madd props to ya'!!!!.... i love the write up! i pray more people have proper mutual relationships!
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Fulanizzle on October 19, 2002, 11:32:01 PM
AYYYYYYYYYYYY  IBRAHEEEEEEEM, THAT WAS JUST TOO GOOD FOR WORDS TO BE UTTERED!!!

AMORA IHSAN, HE DOES WRITE POEMS, CHECK IT OUT IN THE POETRY SECTION....

SALAM
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Dan-Sokoto on October 20, 2002, 01:48:34 AM
Fyne Queen? You asked for my reason or a reason for getting a second wife?

Well for that simple reason our religion allow us to have more than one wife which i am sure you know very well.

Dan-Sokoto
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Ihsan on October 20, 2002, 10:11:12 AM
Assalaam Alaikum,

Ukhty Fulanicious, I thought as much...cause that was really good and meaningful as well  :D
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: fatee on October 20, 2002, 04:32:06 PM
Dan sokoto  ???,
that isn't a proper reason of marrying 2 ,3 or 4. islam allowed u to,amma with conditions , and u know "ana barin halal don kunya " :-/
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Dan-Sokoto on October 21, 2002, 03:02:40 AM
Fatee da FD Queen!

Ni kam sai na yi su hudu complete domin in cika lada na. Kuma a cikin zuciya ta nayi alkawalin yin justice a soyayya da zan nuna masu individually and collectively.

Don allah ina neman addu'ar duk musulmi da kiran ubangiji ya taimake ni a guri na, na yin jutice a tsakanin mata na hudu idan na yi su insha allah.

Allah ya taimake mu baki daya, kuma mu masu son auren mata hudu ya taimake mu da rika su, ya bamu ladan auren da ke ciki. Idan lokacin na, na kara mata yayi, zan nemi taimakon abokai na na kanoonline domin introduction to very good bakanuwa.

Dan-Sokoto
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Anonymous on October 21, 2002, 02:01:55 PM
Good Greetings,

I think it is better we believe the author of the above piece to remain anonymous. Infact that was why I left it unsigned by anybody.

Mallam Dan-Sokoto you are perfectly right, everything in the essay goes with a strong partiality towards monogamy and sincerely speaking I for long used to think that the ideal is monogamy; and wallahu a'lamu, but I believe that was why polygamy comes with qualifying conditions. My prayer is for us all to consider the conditions when getting the 2nd 3rd or 4th wife(s). One of it is financial muscle and the 2nd is I THINK HAD MALLAM SALISU (Bakano) has four wives he wouldn't have enough time to gather us here on the information super- highway, providing us with the glorious opportunity to interact to preserve our identity, culture and civilisation. Hidiman iyali and solving controversies at family level would have taken him away from us and what a tragedOUS experience it would have been for US.

IHSAN I do try my hands in poetry but my friends think it is poor-try.

My peace

Waziri
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Ihsan on October 21, 2002, 05:45:51 PM
Waziri, what u wrote there is FAR AWAY from poor...it's excellent...I like it eventhough I'm no good when it comes to poem. ;D
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Blaqueen on October 21, 2002, 10:12:39 PM
the write up is soooo tyght..... too bad men nowadays are..... :-X
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Fulanizzle on October 22, 2002, 04:17:31 AM
SALAM

MASHA ALLAH IBRAHEEM, U WRITE SOOO WELL, SO DESCRIPTIVE AND SO TOUCHING.... MASHA ALLAH

U KNOW WHAT....DAN S, ITS NOT AS EASY AS U THINK HANDLING ALL FOUR WIVES..... ASK ANYONE U KNOW WITH FOUR WIVES...
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Anonymous on October 24, 2002, 12:11:50 AM
Correction.
It constitutes desertion from Islam to say financial reasons alone determines whether or not you want to mary a second wife or get  Kids.
I know an ayah in suratul Isra'a ( forgive me for not quoting directly) that cautions or prohibits shying away from getting kids/slaying them due to the fear of poverty caused by such Kids.
The situations are analogous and I stand to be corrected if I have erred.
That all from me.
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Blaqueen on October 24, 2002, 11:44:20 AM
who said anything about slaying kids and shying away?... ah! off topic!...  :-X

dsoks.... it does NOT force u to marry 4... and trust meeh....if its about LADA!... u berra maintain with one wife... cuz the more wives, more responsibilities, and more rigima that will take place.... u'll tara alhaqi...

so chika ladan ka with one....its not that hard... newayzz... ur juss saying it... u'll prolly end up with one wife...
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Anonymous on October 25, 2002, 07:14:44 PM
Oh shucks, I was hoping Ibrahim really did write that but I guess it was wishful thinking. I mean, a guy would really need to be in touch with his feminine side to say ALL THAT! But Allahu a^alam maybe a man DID write it ! Super !!

Speaking of lada, marrying more wives doesn't give a guy $200 every time he passes go, ie, there's no automatic deposit to the lada bank for additional marriages... It all depends on niyya and the circumstances. Allah knows best.
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Anonymous on October 31, 2002, 04:12:02 PM
Assalamu Alaikum,

My apology please, I went off for sometime; breaking the strong family link without notice. Ah! Dan-Sokoto is "striking". Why? Dan-Sokoto for what?  Is it your "titlement" or entitlement.?  Ina Salisu ne?!!! Yaya kabari haka ya faru?!!!!!!!!!

Ihsan, Fulanicious kdgirl ; it was great, i felt flattered by ur comments. truly poetry, romance and beauty are what we live for, as the prophet of Islam would say: "Poetry is the bastion of wisdom and in oratory is charm.

A'a Aminuddeen yaya akayine? kudi da kake gani is very important in life. It is a determinant in many things not marriage exclusive. That was why Allah would caution us is Suratul Nur that we should hold back in the affairs of marriage if we don't have the means until when He extend His bounties(riches) unto us. Please u can check it out. It is entirely different from being afraid of poverty as you tried to eluscidate.

Waziri
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Anonymous on October 31, 2002, 11:45:17 PM
Salam
Malam you're right. I did try to ari bakinka in ci albasa.
What I meant to convey has to do with what other respondents wrote as their replies to a different topic. My mistake of not mentioning exactly who I am referring to must have totally convoluted my reply.
Do accept from me , Yallabai, apologies for misunderstanding what you wrote.
To be frank, i did not even read your write up, just replying that said article,\.
I normally dont do things like this, Dan sokoto zai iye mani shaida.
Yallabai, Allah shi bada hakuri.
Muhammad
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Blaqueen on November 01, 2002, 01:57:31 PM
Posted by: kdgirl Posted on: 10/25/02 at 4:14pm
$200 every time he passes go, ie, there's no automatic deposit to the lada bank for additional marriages... It all depends on niyya and the circumstances. Allah knows best.




LoL!!!!! right on point!........ u go gurl!  ;D haha automatic deposit.... *hiss* dont mind dem negroes.... ;)
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: ummita on March 31, 2003, 02:30:12 PM
mhmmm about this topic....... :-X :-X[/b]
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Ibro2g on April 01, 2003, 01:06:57 AM
QuoteDan sokoto ????,
that isn't a proper reason of marrying 2 ,3 or 4. islam allowed u to,amma with conditions , and u know "ana barin halal don kunya " :-/

 ;Dlol queen and kdgurl hahaa ;D...I'm sorry but I cant help it. "Ana barin halal dan kunya :P ;D.... hahaha. Gurlz I'm really sorry. 8) ::)

You know, I cant condemn multiple marriages coz its religion but personally I dont like it either... I mean its nothing but trouble, both here and the hereafter. There are little, very little men who both have the means and have the will... and do the just for the wives...but in our modernized hearts, we cant, I know I cant. This heart is for one woman only lol ::) :-*.
Picture it this way, even btwn ur parents, u'll like one better than the other, or at least be closer to one, and those wid kidz, u know that too. So to ur wives...huh! our hearts are no longer designed wid the special partitioning attribute, and even if they where, there is no control.
Mind u MEN: The prophet said, marry one...UPTO four IF you could.... you know the rest. The important words I have brought out (upto and if). If this means being weak then yes I am weak, but I admit, I cant marry more than a wife...thats why I must be very careful while selecting HER ::) 8). the rest of u do as u please...IF u could. :-X

Lastly I cant leave without thanking my bestest poet: Wazz, ur good man, what an article...this should bi on time or som`n of such.  8)
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: adama on April 02, 2003, 01:00:34 AM
dan sokoto,no offence.ai idan baka chika ladan ka ba,lallai kuwa zaka chika alhakin ka.ai one man one wife kawai,its safer for everyone.wai i'm not trying to reject what Allah has allowed but duniyannan yanzu sai adu'a.may Allah help us all.
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: ummita on April 02, 2003, 12:21:19 PM
Quotedan sokoto,no offence.ai idan baka chika ladan ka ba,lallai kuwa zaka chika alhakin ka.ai one man one wife kawai,its safer for everyone.wai i'm not trying to reject what Allah has allowed but duniyannan yanzu sai adu'a.may Allah help us all.
she laffs, spot on gurl.....u tell 'em, but still ni dai 4 this topic :-X
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Blaqueen on April 03, 2003, 04:20:13 PM
wai tsaya.. who come tell u say that "four" wives is religion? ku bar sapo faaaaaa!...
Islam did NOT introduce polygamy!.. did NOT!.. it LIMITED polygamy...
polygamy is tradition!
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Borg on April 03, 2003, 08:00:13 PM
The objective and the goal of marriage in Islam according to the Quran is to enable us to dwell in peace and tranquility. It is important for us to reflect on these words and their significance in the Islamic frame of reference.

In order to have peace certain condition must be met. These prerequisites to peace are Justice, Fairness, Equity, Equality, and fulfillment of mutual rights. Therefore any injustice whether it is oppression, or persecution, cannot be tolerated if there is to be peace in Muslim homes.

In the domestic realm oppression is manifested when the process of Shura (consultation) is compromised, neglected or ignored. When one partner (in most cases the husband) makes unilateral decisions and applies dictatorial style of leadership, peace is compromised. Persecution is present when there is any form of domestic abuse being perpetrated.

Tranquility on the other hand is a state of being which is achieved when peace has been established. Tranquility is compromised when there is tension, stress and anger. It is a mistake to take tranquility to mean perpetual state of bliss. Since being Muslims does not make us immune to tragedies and catastrophes.

In fact Allah tells us in the Quran that we will be tried (2:155,57). What a state of tranquility does is to empower us to handle life's difficult moments with our spouses as obedient servants of Allah. Allah in His infinite Mercy also provides us with the tools by which we can achieve this state of peace and tranquility.

The second principle besides Shura on which the Islamic family life is based is Mercy (Rehma), and in this verse Allah is telling us that He has placed mercy between spouses. We are therefore inclined by our very nature to have mercy for our spouses. Mercy is manifested through compassion, forgiveness, caring and humility.

It is obvious that these are all ingredients that make for a successful partnership. Marriage in Islam is above all a partnership based on equality of partners and specification of roles. Lack of mercy in a marriage or a family renders it in Islamic terms dysfunctional.

Allah further states that He has also placed in addition to mercy, love between spouses. It should however be noted that Islamic concept of love is different from the more commonly understood romantic love so valued in the Western cultures.

The basic difference is that love between man and woman in the Islamic context can only be realized and expressed in a legal marriage. In order to develop a healthy avenue for the expression of love between man and woman and to provide security so that such a loving relationship can flourish, it is necessary to give it the protection of Shariah (Islamic law).

Marital love in Islam inculcates the following:

Faith: The love Muslim spouses have for each other is for the sake of Allah that is to gain His pleasure. It is from Allah that we claim our mutual rights (Quran 4:1) and it is to Allah that we are accountable for our behavior as husbands and wives.

It sustains: Love is not to consume but to sustain. Allah expresses His love for us by providing sustenance. To love in Islam is to sustain our loved one physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually, to the best of our ability (to sustain materially is the husbands duty, however if the wife wishes she can also contribute)

Accepts: To love someone is to accept them for who they are. It is selfishness to try and mould someone as we wish them to be. True love does not attempt to crush individuality or control personal differences, but is magnanimous and secure to accommodate differences.

Challenges: Love challenges us to be all we can, it encourages us to tap into our talents and takes pride in our achievements. To enable our loved one to realize their potential is the most rewarding experience.

Merciful: Mercy compels us to love and love compels us to have mercy. In the Islamic context the two are synonymous. The attribute Allah chose to be the supreme for Himself is that He is the most Merciful. This attribute of Rehman (the Merciful) is mentioned 170 times in the Quran, bringing home the significance for believers to be merciful. Mercy in practical application means to have and show compassion and to be charitable.

Forgiving: Love is never too proud to seek forgiveness or too stingy to forgive. It is willing to let go of hurt and letdowns. Forgiveness allows us the opportunity to improve and correct our selves.

Respect: To love is to respect and value the person their contributions and their opinions. Respect does not allow us to take for granted our loved ones or to ignore their input. How we interact with our spouses reflects whether we respect them or not.

Confidentiality: Trust is the most essential ingredient of love. When trust is betrayed and confidentiality compromised, love loses its soul.

Caring: Love fosters a deep fondness that dictates caring and sharing in all that we do. The needs of our loved ones take precedence over our own.

Kindness: The Seerah (biography) of our beloved Prophet is rich with examples of acts of kindness, he showed towards his family and particularly his wives. Even when his patience was tried, he was never unkind in word or deed. To love is to be kind.

Grows: Marital love is not static it grows and flourishes with each day of marital life. It requires work and commitment, and is nourished through faith when we are thankful and appreciative of Allah blessings.

Enhances: Love enhances our image and beautifies our world. It provides emotional security and physical well being.

Selflessness: Love gives unconditionally and protects dutifully.

Truthful: Love is honesty without cruelty and loyalty without compromise.
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Blaqueen on April 03, 2003, 08:24:11 PM
i juss made that sound we make with our throats... the *clicky* sound

na wa ooo... make i print it out! and give to.. well , y'know.....
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: ummita on April 04, 2003, 01:14:30 PM
Quotewai tsaya.. who come tell u say that "four" wives is religion? ku bar sapo faaaaaa!...
Islam did NOT introduce polygamy!.. did NOT!.. it LIMITED polygamy...
polygamy is tradition!

Well I think its not compulsory, but Allah SWT stated  that if u can and u can show equality amonsgt them then one is eligible to marry up to 4 wives...........

The prohpet married..Khadija, Sawdah,Aisha, Hafsah,Umm Habibah, Umm Salmah, Zaynab bint Jahsh, Maymunah, Juwayriyya(as kanawaz pronouce it as Zuwaira) & Safiyah,

So as long as a man treats them equal. I say.... y not...a man shud marry all 4 but if he cant bear d task of showin equal treatent he shud stick 2 one.

But 4 marraige....I hearby :-X :-X :-X
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Ibro2g on April 05, 2003, 02:04:54 AM
Quote



But 4 marraige....I hearby :-X :-X :-X
Umiitah, why are u sooo so so scared of marriage? if u dont mind mi askin`?
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: rouqayya on April 05, 2003, 04:24:48 AM
hi ibrahim, i totally agree with you on the islamic aspect of marriage.but dont you think finding a partner in these present time is a tricky business? i mean i always thought of marriage as a gamble...u never know what to expect until ure in it. ???.and i belive that finding a husban/wife too is coz most p'ple just want to get married and will pretend to fit into ur profile untill after the marriage then u c what there trully made of and u realise they were'nt what you bargained for! so as for me (even though some might find this shocking), i'll say is go with the flow coz u never really know a person untill uve married him, after all if he/she turns out to b sumthg else, as discouraging and bitter as it may ,be u can always divorce and move on untill u find your mr right ...or is it right now?
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Ibro2g on April 14, 2003, 02:14:58 AM
Wallahi roukkah, u r right. Infact everyone is gambling right now, running after mister/miss right now, if the chosen one is found, the one part gradually disappears as I heard. The mmean time....keep playing :D ;D ::) 8) ;)
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: ummita on April 14, 2003, 10:06:43 AM
:-X :-X :-X :-X
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Anonymous on April 16, 2003, 07:34:42 PM
 hehehe......marriage is marriage.....its juss......THERE. :-/ [color/]
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: fulani_queen on April 16, 2003, 07:42:07 PM
hehe....true.....
heey....tha chic has tha same user name as i dooo..... :D
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: ummita on April 23, 2003, 01:12:02 PM
Quote
Umiitah, why are u sooo so so scared of marriage? if u dont mind mi askin`?
Huh :-/ Me? errrrr  :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Ibro2g on April 23, 2003, 02:31:43 PM
you haven't answered anything yet!
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: ummita on April 23, 2003, 03:05:06 PM
Was u askin me Bro? Nine ana ma magana :-/  :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Ibro2g on April 25, 2003, 03:26:29 AM
ehh, I am
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Anonymous on November 01, 2003, 01:22:29 AM
Hmn .............just rememberin the good old dayz



Allah sarki konline :-[ :-[ :-[
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Anonymous on November 02, 2003, 04:19:34 AM
Assalamu alaikum.am inluv wid sm1 just older wid 4yrs.hes still in d university thou.i find in him most of d qualities mentioned above,we started 3yrs back and we are still 2geda thou theres distance btw us bt i bet u we r like an inch away frm eachother.the 1 problem am facing is we both want to end up togetha,bt pple say to make a perfect marriage age gap matters???bt i always look up to annabi muhd(saw),he married a woman 25yrs old older than him,bt pple say that the prophet lived a perfect life n now its a diff. world.the pple i have that r much older than me are nt pple i want,they r too serious n i dnt think we can have a free relationship wid them,i knw they'll be this kunya thing btw.a relationship depends on trust n how u both relate,so i think d age thing is d bidi'a stuff.so pls gimme an advice,tell me ur own piece of mind.thankx,ma'asalam
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Waziri on November 03, 2003, 03:12:30 PM
gnaka,

u r not remembering the gud o'd dayz alone 4 u r also reminding. I fil like I shud drag ppl like Dan-Sokoto and Ihsan 2 K-onlinel.

Mhm... gnaka, what pains me most in this life is the joy in those thoughts of those things that are a past and cannot be retrieved back again :'(
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Waziri on November 03, 2003, 03:30:12 PM
Meenah,

I congratulate u first 4 being able to make a choice not to mention how happy I am for you both 4 achieving a state of absolute faith on each other, i.e between you and your love.

I could have adviced you better had i have a clue as to how old you are. But nevertheless, I think you should add it 2 your prayer as usual, especially now that we are in Ramadan period.

Surely no life-living that is without a strong association with problems. Therefore whoever is it you choose to marry does not exclude you from coming across problems. My father used to tell me that "life in general is an activity in problem solving" that "the sweetest thing in life is to come across a problem and be able to solve it."

I on my part feel and believe that te best way to achieve this joy in "problem solving" is when you are the one who created the problem your self. you will aproach it with more despation, diligence, sincerity and depth in thought than when it was someone that created the problem for you. you would only engage in blaming others for your predicaments thereby adding more salt to the wound.

Therefore, I suggest you marry your young love so that you bury your dead together with some measure of happiness attached to the activity. After all it is not a rule that an older person must be better and kinder to a woman than a younger one. No! pls meenah do not say I say this because I am young, No! because it is true in the sight of God, the ultimate healer.
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Gimbiya on November 03, 2003, 03:59:26 PM
Meenah,
you go on with your young love, 4yrs is nothing he's not too young for you. hey even if we look at it scientifically, the level of male thinking is just 4yrs behind female. so technically you guys are on the same level of thinking, I don't think he will annoyed you after a while. so wish you both luck and remember he's not too young for you.
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Fulanizzle on November 03, 2003, 09:46:15 PM
MEENA......SISTA...I FEEL U....AGE DON MATTER..AS LONG AS THERE IS  MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING BETWEEN YALL TWO....

AND WILL TELL YAH WHAT...WHEN CHOOSING A LIFE TIME PARTNER THE GAP IN AGE AND GENERATION MATTERS VERY MUCH.FOR EXAMPLE U WILL DEFINATELY RELATE MORE WITH A GUY 4 YEARS OLDER THAN U THAT A GUY THAT IS A GENERATION OR HALF A CENTURY OLDER THAN U! NO ITS REALLY TRU....U WILL UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER MORE...

AS I SAID, AS LOOONG AS YALL HAVE MUTUAL UNDERSTANDIN BETWEEN YALL.....HE COULD BE 899 YRS YOUNGER THAN U,IF BY ALLAH U HAVE THAT UNDERSTANDING,YALL WILL SURELY SOAR HIGH IN THE SKY......THAT APPLIES IF HE IS 645 CENTURIES OLDER THAN U TOO OR UR MATE....WHATEVA!!!

BESIDES U SAID HE HAS THE QUALITIES U SEEK FOR IN A MAN....GURL MAY ALLAH MAKE THIS WORK OUT JUST FINE! ITS RAMADAN PRAY HARD FOR ALKHAIR..AND INSHA ALLAH THERE WILL BE KHAIR.... KEEP YAH HEAD UP N STAY GOOD....

ONE MORE THING...ALWAYS GO WITH UR HEART..ITS NOT THE PEOPLE THAT WILL MARRY N LIVE WITH HIM...THE PERSON THAT WILL ACCOMPLISH THAT IS U!!!!

SALAM AND I HOPE IT HELPS INSHA ALLAH
SALAMU ALAIKUM!
PEACE OUT HERMANA!
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Ibro2g on November 04, 2003, 02:14:40 AM
Meenah
   I admire what u have, coz I have soo much part of ur dream. I have always had this arguiment wid my mom and her friends... I insist I want to get married to my mate. 4 yrs is even too much in my agenda, seriosly speaking I have faith and believe it will work. I'm not ready for marriage but I bearly change( my mom thinks I will when I'm ready) My mom claims My wife will grow old faster than I do and it usually causes problems wid the men, but then there was neva a marriage mutually...
    Let mi put it this way, if u and ur lover trully believe in the unity and happiness of ur mutality together, then it will work out for you. If one is taking advantage of the other, then thats trouble. Marriage has nothing to do with age, but in Hausa lands it has been made a priority, and that is why my dream looks quite bleak, but I know I will get i and it'll work.
   The biggest mistake u could make is getting married to the wrong person, and having ur whole life lived in misery with ur husband out of loyalty. If u however marry someone u see in the inside, who also sees u back Meenah, Insha Allah u shall have no problem.
   Meenah, I'd say u are the one to decide, as u are closer to my dream, u go ahead if u are sure it will work for you.


where is dat my sista, where is ummitah, she runs away from any thing concerning marriage yet I believe she has the best Ideas
gotta go






...we shall help one other with the little knoledge God Almighty has given to each other...
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Anonymous on November 05, 2003, 12:53:53 AM
alhamdulillah!am soo happy soo many pple think just like i do.Insha Allah we'll keep on praying,may Allah(swt)reward u in his special ways.thankx alot! :-*
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: ummita on November 08, 2003, 01:56:04 AM
Meena, lemme 1st start by sayin u r MOST highly welkom......Toh minkem! wat kan I say.........am so bad very poor in this field of topic but woman if u lyk d guy & he lyks carry on.......marry him, stay & grow old 2gether koh?

mhmmm Ibro wat I think of marriage r as followz:

sum marriages dont add 2 & 2 2geda..they subtract one from d oda.

Marriage is not bed of roses but a field of battle

Marriage is d waste paper basket of emotions (u r happy) nxt gettin married, crisis starts 2 begin all u hav in ur binbasket is wet tissues(tears)

Marriage is a bribe 2 make a housekeeper thinks shes d householder.

In English marriage system.....under dem registy aure.....they go "2 hav & 2 hold from this day 4ward 4 better or worse, 4 richer 4 poorer in sickness & in health, 2 luv & 2 cherish & 2 obey till death death du DEM part.......well these analysis goes same 4 all religious weddins......but hear this

A lady dumped her man cuz he turned out disabled afta an accident......(where was d in sickness & health vow?)

A woman left her man 4 Mr richie rich(I taut she took d oath of richer or poorer?).

A gul claimedshe duznt luv her husby anymore (taut she said 2 luv & cherish ::)

How many women obey their husbands(a woman whipped her husby up juss 4 cumin home late) Obeyin indeed!

Aha! 4 d till death du them part bit(Now how many women hav already cut short d lives of their husby!)

Marriage is juss sum'en else........look @ it as u c it........but nah one big dimension.......mhmmmmm :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Ibro2g on November 12, 2003, 12:54:00 PM
ummitah You tell mi now. You a muslim 4 sure, yes but could u live ur whole life without the company of a man, legally...marriage. I wouldnt know the answer. Its about time u start thinking of ur reaity wouldnt u think?  thiink u scared of marriage coz of ur experineces, every one has a bad day(forget mah spellings this keytboard sucksd), everyone has a screwd life, but the succeful people are those who know how to turn things around, how to endure and live through the bad to the good. Now I dont know things much but I know u r a winner, u r succesful and u r strong... what is left is for u to klnow trhat ummitah. All u peeps better know that

my power lies in the help I give and take from k-online
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Bashir on November 13, 2003, 09:07:38 PM
marriage sucks. love n aversion wear off with time.
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: ummita on November 15, 2003, 03:13:28 PM
Quoteummitah You tell mi now. You a muslim 4 sure, yes but could u live ur whole life without the company of a man, legally...marriage. I wouldnt know the answer. Its about time u start thinking of ur reaity wouldnt u think? ?thiink u scared of marriage coz of ur experineces, every
A'a which xperiances kuma :o Toh............(she laffs) Yeah Alhamdulilah I was born a muslim, wud die a muslim,
Marriage is part of sunni, Allahs sayins no doubt, wont argue with lurd almyt's wording but we tlkin issues concernin marriage.................so u r tryin 2 say............marriage has ONLY d bright side........Ibro try raisin your blind folds and also look at it from the negative aspect...........in d main tym :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: ummita on November 15, 2003, 03:17:43 PM
Quotelove n aversion wear off with time.

Wont say it sucks, Prophet also brought out d best in marriages it has a well-positive side However, Bash but you are soooooooooooooo correct with your second statement...............plz shed more light.
I dont even know wat nomenclature best 2 use to explain is issue. I truthfully remain :-X :-X :-X dis tym
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Ibro2g on November 15, 2003, 04:16:44 PM
True too But Mah sista, everything has a dark and a bright side. Besides marrage is preety complex and is so mixed up, but the ssue remains clear; Marriage s the only legal way to do it, to survive, for the contnuity of humanity.
  Furthermore sis, no matter how bad we dislike what we are facing, the lord said" Do you think You wouldnt be tested", my poem says every life wll be tested.
  Accept marraige as a test in life, as an Ibada...make it a habbit to love it coz the blessed woman will die in it. I dont know too many things Ummitah but I know u are blessed... I swear u r.
      Marriage could be very bad but ts advantages are a hundred percent better than its dsadvantages. Believce mii.

Let us put the love of faith, truth, and goodwll in our hearts and we shal triumph in this world and the next.



As pa bature level, marriage sucks ;D
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Bashir on November 16, 2003, 10:07:02 PM
QuoteTrue too But Mah Marriage s the only legal way to do it, to survive, for the contnuity of humanity.
y is it that ppl think continuity of d species is such a good thing?

quote author=Ibro2g link=board=general;num=1034967726;start=45#50 date=11/15/03 at 13:16:44]True too
Furthermore sis, no matter how bad we dislike what we are facing, the lord said" Do you think You wouldnt be tested", my poem says every life wll be tested.
? Accept marraige as a test in life, as an Ibada...make it a habbit to love it coz the blessed woman will die in it. [/quote]

i wont put my head in a croc's mouth to test my faith.

QuoteTrue too
Marriage could be very bad but ts advantages are a hundred percent better than its dsadvantages. Believce mii.

advantages of marriage:

1. sex ?2. physical companionship ( u cd b lonely inside)

disadvantages:

1. nagging ?2. jealousy ?3. multiplication of worries ? 4. boring sex ?
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Gimbiya on November 17, 2003, 05:16:49 PM


OOOOOOOOOOkay I can see this topic is getting so intense. I have a lot of issues when it come to marriage, I think it's really hard to decide that who you will like to spend the rest of your life with. I know that marriage isn't all good and dandy and it shouldn't be. I actaully starts suspecting a relationship that is 100% perfect because it doesn't exist. the way I see this is that if at some point in life parents and children run into some hardships understanding each other what make you think that a husband and wife can understand each other the whole time. I'm also not saying that marriage is packed of hardhip and misundersdtanding, no it's not, there's time where you'll feel that you can live with your partners till death do you apart and there's going to be time that you will be saying to yourself what the heck was I thinking. I believe most of the time you just don't see it coming one day you are smiling and the next you are raising your voice and tears are running out of your eyes and veice versa. it will continue on and on just like an energerzer battery, but why will we stop ourself from having that one moment of happiness that one moment of smile that feeling that heart never felt before? why? becuase we are scared? well some people say that I am very choosey, according to my mother, I also know that at a point of a person life all parents want to see is their child to be married but am I really choosy or in my words I said careful. the question here is how CHOOSY/CAREFUL can one be to be happily married or close to being happily? HoW? ???
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Bashir on November 22, 2003, 10:52:21 AM
oh yeah, i hadnt fininshed that time.
d most f*cked up thing about marriage is children. as a kid, u r always being told to " stop that! put it down, come into the house out da rain" or (slap!!) "that will teach u not to say that again." then think of primary school n all those sadistic teachers n the boys who were bigger n stronger than u n they thot u were a chihuahua. the worst is secondary school. u r going thru ur adolescent blues n u r expected to write jsce n ssce. or those bloody seniors who were always brutalizing u n extorting ur grub. this is all before u discover girls n how they can make u want to crawl under a stone with just a glance. then university. lectures that wd make hitler look like ur kindly uncle. credit loads n carry overs n what not. ooh its very screwed man. then u r supposed to start all over again n put someone thru all that sh*t? i think not. this is all from d  child's point of  view. now d parents. if u read d "holy books" carefully, u'll see that d latter ppl hav a higher chance of going to hell. considering that d earlier generations had a 20% chance of salvation, what do u think d chances r now? so if u give birth to kids, they will probably all go to hell. y wd anyone want to do that to anybody? n then what if u give birth to them n u cant take care of them?
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: ummita on November 30, 2003, 12:17:51 PM
 *signs* mhmmmm some ppl never seem to appreciate the facts of life :-/. B glad that u alive & been all through that!!!. Life is all about learning, U learn in life & move on a wiser person.
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: ummita on November 30, 2003, 12:20:41 PM
Ibro I hear u, I absolutely agree & also disgaree with ur comments but in the main tym .......I remain  :-X :-X :-X :-X
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Hafsy_Lady on December 01, 2003, 02:54:53 PM
Mhmmm I think I need to hold a freinds meeting. The earlier we marry her off the better. What do you reckon Ibro?

Bashir oya mind yuwa language.........you like using F'ing this ef'ing, ef'ing this ef'ing that, Kabari ko san fito da tsumangiya ::)
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: zezezee on December 01, 2003, 06:38:08 PM
tsumangiya?  :o :o :o :o   i think i better stay outta this conversation.    men i hate that stuff. i remember back in the days when my big bro used to buy them for popsy!
Title: Re: Concerning marriage: What do u tink bout dis?
Post by: Bashir on December 01, 2003, 09:42:31 PM
QuoteMhmmm I think I need to hold a freinds meeting. The earlier we marry her off the better. What do you reckon Ibro?

Bashir oya mind yuwa language.........you like using F'ing this ef'ing, ef'ing this ef'ing that, Kabari ko san fito da tsumangiya ::)

u c what am saying ko. someone is already threatening me. i was traumatized by all d brutality. now am delicate(when am not being macho)