Salamualaikum....
just asking for a favor, ofcourse if it is okay with everyone :)
How does a space for jokes and riddles sound..????
Childish huh? :'(
But hey, we need some enlightment !!! It would have been nice really to have a joke once in a while...seriously... yall think about it...
salam....... I would have been fulaniciouslly grateful ...
"
Fulanicious!
This is a good idea. I can't wait to start wooh. But as the initiator of the idea, i think it is only fair for me to allow you to start.
Lets get ready Ruuummmmble!
Dan-Sokoto
Salamualaikum....
FEEELS G8T TO BE SUPPORTED!!!!!
D-Sk, i am most fulaniciouslly grateful!!!
HEY, I will give u the honor of launching the first 8) for being my first supporter :D
OOOH before I forget, please please please pleeeeeeeease no FULANI JOKES!!!!! U HAUSA people r not exactly nice when it comes to Fulani jokes!!!!!! AMORA IHSAN this is a directed to u especially ;D ;D ;D
"
Joke!!!
Afulani man goto a restaurant and ask for rice they told him that no rice until tomorrow(ba rice sai tomorrow).Then the fulani man say in hausa (KAI BAN CIKA CIN TOMORROW BA AMMA BANI KADAN)that is idon't normally eat tomorrow but give me small. :) :) :)
HEYYYYY NO FAIR, WAIT TILL I GET A GOOD HAUSA JOKE FROM MY GRAND MOM ;D ;D ;D
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says:
?That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!?
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her: ?The driver just insulted me!?
The man says: ?You go right up there and tell him off ? go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.?
and another bus joke.......
there's this FAT lady tryin' to get on a bus...
and she was kinda stuck at the entrance....
and this one man was behind her lookin' at her..
then she gets mad and says..."if u were half a man, u'd help meeh"...
then he said..."if u were half a lady, u wouldnt need help."
Assalaam Alaikum,
Ya Ukhty, ina karanta post dinki what came to my head was the Fulani Jokes ;D well, we'll do 50/50 ki bada hausa joke na bada Fulani one ;D (hehe) fair enough?
LOL Fyne....soooo funny.
A kasar Sakkwato, a ka kama wani bafulatani ya saci akuya. Shi ne sai a ka durkufar da shi a gaban alkali domin a hukuntar da shi.
Sai, alkali ya ce - amma mallam bafulatani ka bamu kunya. Kai da kake, bafulatani na sakkwato gaba da baya, za ka je ka saci akuya? ashsha ka bamu kunya kwarai da gaske domin ba'a san fulani da wannan mugun hali ba.
Alkali sai ya ce, saboda haka, ka je na daure ka shekara ashirin.
Sai bafulatani ya ce, hey oya modibbo wallah ina da magana.
Shine sai alkali ya ce menene maganar ka bafulatani?
Sai bafulatani yace -wallah modibbo ai ?uwata (babata) bahaushiyar kano ta.
Kowa a cikin kotu sai ya fashe da dariya. Alkali sai ya ce, na san sai haka, ka je an rage maka shekara goma.
Sai alkali ya ce, haba na san sai haka.
HAHA LOL...lallai ma wato kanawa aka sani da sata lol.
HAHA LOL...lallai ma wato kanawa aka sani da sata lol. Bo komai Dan Sokoto, zan samu na 'yan Sakkwato ne ;D
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL THAT WAS TIGHT ;D ;D ;D
"
Dan Allah meyasa duk sanda joke yatashi sai kaji ance fulani :(
Duk sukayen dake nigeria ba wanda aka zuba ido a "act" dinsu sai bafullace :( :( :(
Salamu alaikum....
U GASTA AGREE, THAT WAS FUNNY THOUGH
Assalaam Alaikum,
Yeah, that was really funny...eventhough 'yan kano aka yiwa ;D
well,
there was this regional meeting
and we have drinks bieng served
everyone is served with marinda
when the turn of the fulani guy comes
marinda runs out and they serve him coke.
all of a sudden we hear the fulani guy screaming
bazan yadda ba!
ai an gama da ni !
wato ni aka raina !
se aka tambaye shi...
"modibbo" may ya faru?"
and modibo answers
" aka bawa ko wa lemo ni kuma se aka bawa konan'niya?"
(they gave everyone drinks and they served me the burnt one!
lol
kayz guys me firing
se anjuma
Assalaam Alaikum,
LOL...funny ;D. Ok hear this out...dan fulani ya shigo birni..sai yaga wata bayarba mai abinci...sai yace mata "arniya ina aka tutu?" Sai tace mashi kilin jabe...shi kuma da yaji haka, sai yace anan naka jabe maki? Sai kawai yayi mata anan wajen ;D
Da kuma wanda barayi suka yi mai sata yana bacci, kuma suka aske gashin kanshi. Da ya tashi da har ya fara ihu, sai kuma ya taba kanshi yaji aski, sai yace "au ashe ma bani bane" ;D
YA SALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM
;D ;D ;D Ya Ukhty! do you need more Fulani jokes (lol)
I can't laaugh Lol, plzz gimme sum mooooore lol, oh, fulani sun shiga uku lol anya fulanicious( spelled right 4 da 1st time huh?) u won't change ur name?!! keep it going guyz. iam gonna try get one soonest
bissalam
LOL Kamil...
OK...here's another one ;D
Wani dan fulani ne, he had an accident sai aka kaishi asibiti. Da ya tashi sai aka tambaye shi, malam meye sunan ka? shi kuma da ya ga mutane da fararen kaya, sai ya ce " da dai a duniya ana she man Jauro, amma nan sai yadda kuka kirani" ;D
Da kuma wani bafulatani da matar shi; sun fita ya kaita asibiti kan kekenshi, sai kuwa kafar ta ta shige cikin kaca ( I think), matar ita sai ta fara cewa "maigida kana burge ni, kana burge ni" da yaji haka, sai ya ce "dan ma ba akan kwalta bane" sai da suka je gida yaga ta murza kafa ya tambaye ta me ya faru, tace mashi bayan tana tace mashi yana burge ta ;D
Oh Oh Oh...na manta, ina da wasu ;D
Shi kuma wannan dan fulanin ba :P ya sai sabon keke, to bai iya keken ba kuma gashi yazo gab da bango, wai sai ya hau cewa da keke "kwanari keke, kwanari" keke me yasa ni!! sai ga dan fulani ya ci da bango.
Shi kuma wannan (yet another dan fulani, lol) ya sai sabon keke, yana tafiya kan hanyar shi zuwa gida, sai ya hadu da wani shi ma akan keken amma nashi yana ta kara saboda ya tsufa. Da danfulani yaji keken dayan mutumin yana kara, sai yace wai shi me yasa nashi keken baya disco? gaskiya shi wai su yi exchanging da dayan mutumin, shi yafi son mai disco. Shi kam mutum yaga bati dama keke na bashi wuya, sai kawai yaba dan fulani tsohon keke kuma dan fulanin ya tafi yana murna wai ya cuci wan can mutumin cause shi ya karbi keke mai "disco" ;D ::)
uuhhmm...lol...ok ok...last one :D shi kuma wani ne (ban fadi ko wa ye ba, lol) yaji ance wai agogo sarkin aiki, sai yaje ya siyo agogo ya kai gonar shi dan yayi mashi aiki, yaji kwana daya, biyu shiru baiga wani aiki ba, sai ya dauki agogo yace " to kai anshe sarkin aiki yaya baka aikin naka?"
Ukhty Fulanicious, I couldn't help it ;D kuma nagan Dan Sokoto ya tsokano mu (lol).
WhOA! AMIN U SPELT MY NAME RIGHT, PLEASE CLAP FOR URSELF !!!!!!
NOPE TOO FULANCIOUSLLY PROUD TO CHANGE MAH NAME ;D
BESIDES YALL HAUSA PEOPLE R JUST JEALOUS :P LOL
AMORA IHASAN NI KO!!!!!?????????!!!!!!!! :-/
SHARRIN KI IS TOO MUCH!!!!!
lol
I'm out pEaCe
LOL sista...kinsan bazan yi maki haka ba ;D
whateva, ya Amora, u just dissed my peeps :'(
Ihsan wai shin ko ke Bagobura ce ko kuma babarbariya ???, don fa na ga kin sa fulani a gaba, kuma abin mamakin shi ne cewa fulanin da suke wannan dandali sun zuba miki ido ba sa cewa komai, ko ba su da abin cewa ne ???. To fa idan ba su ce komai ba to ni ma fa zan shigo da nawa labarin kansu. :) :) :)
a huta lafiya
Thanx 2 Ihsan, wallahi I had a gooooooood laugh lol, Fulanicious do sumthing, plzzzz, don't tell me there ain't no same kinda funny labari about ihsan's peeps, common sum1 should help my fulaniciously great sista
Ni kam bari na dan sararawa fulanicious, here:
Wani chinese man ne da yake zaman US sai yai tunain zuwa Kano domin harkar kasuwanci, to da yake ya sami abokai hausawa a can Amerika sai suka bashi shawara cewar lalai yayi hankali da kudinsa kuma ya zam ya bude ido sasai da sosai.
Da saukar dan tahaliki daga jirgi sai ya wuce Wapa gurin yan canji. Yana ta muzurai yana bata rai( wai shi ga mai wayo). Suka hadu da wani yaron Alhaji yace mas yan son ya caja dollars zuwa niara ne. Mutumin yace to bisimillah, suka shiga shago; sai yaga ya kira abokan aikinsa suna dan kus-kus. Suka gama bai ce musu komai ba sai suka kira shi, ka ce masa; " We will give you each dollar at 130 naira....." sai fa ya fara chananci, da ihu cewa dama an mas warning; sabo da haka a'a sai yace; " Noooo, I won't agree, I WANT ONE DOLLAR TO ONE NAIRA PERIOD!!!" wai shi kada a cuce shi, gba ta kai malam bahaushe ya lale masa 100,000 naira for 100,000 dollar
kool, huh?
Ya Ukhty...haba haba...ay banyi maki haka fa...nima ay they are my peeps :D
Kamil, waye yaki banza ga garabasa har gida ;D
Awwal, no I'm not ko daya daga cikin wadanda ka lissafa. Infact, I'm hausa/fulani ;D
uuhhmmm...da dai I was going to give another joke ...ok, I'll still do it. But Ukhty Fulanicious, I promise this will be the last one, ba dadi ba kari ;D
Wani danFulani ya siyo sabon keke, to bai san kan keken ba kuma gashi ya sharo gudu, bai san yadda zaisa birki ba, sai ya hau iho yana "jama'a ku tare, keke ya sato mutum"....
Ok...I'm done...no more Fulani jokes.
A'a Ihsan ya ya kika sare da wuri, ai ya kamata ki ci gaba ki gaya mana yadda suka kare, ko mutanen sun ceto shi daga keken da ta sato shin ko kuma? :) ;D
To tun da haka ne to ni ma dai bari in ba da nawa.
Wani dan fillo ne dai matarsa ta haihu sai ya je ya sawo ragon suna, to unfortunately ana gobe suna sai dan ya mutu ranar sunan ma kuma sai ragon sunan ya mutu washegari ma dai sai uwar yaron ta ce ga garinku. To bisa al'ada akan je a yo jaje wa wanda aka yi amsa rasuwa, to koda jama'a suka taru sai suka ce to jauro sai dai a yi hakuri. To kun san abin da gogan naku ya ce ;D sai ya ce to ya ya za a yi hakuri ai ya zama dole tun da dai Allah Ya yi mana kasha-kasha (kaca-kaca) ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
a huta lafiya
Awwal
Uhmm...wa yasan ma me yake yi ;D
Awwal, nifa bani na ba ka wuri ba ;D idan 'yan fillo sun kama ka ba ruwana ;D
Ihsan ai ba komai don nima daga cikinsu nake, to sai dai kin san mutanen namu ne babu dama wajen.....shi ya sa ma aka raina mana ake fadin duk wani abin da aka ga dama a kanmu :-[ :-[ :-[
To amma dai duk da haka, idan fa suka biyo ni to wajenki zan buya ;D ;D
Fi Amanillah
Awwal
LOL...ni kam babu ruwana...ta kaina zanayi ;D
SALAM,,,, KAMIL KALLE SU KAWAI.....
SU IHSAN ARE LUCKY THAT FULANI PEOPLE R SOOO NICE BY NATURE,,,, THEY ARE TOO NICE TO EVEN WASTE THEIR TIME ON MAKING TRIBAL JOKES :D
AMORA IHSAN BAKI DA KIRKI, YANZU TSOKAN MU KIKE KARA :D???? MUN GODE LOOOL, SHUKRAN JADHEEEEELAN!!!!!
LOL, LET ME JUST MY HANDS ON ONE GOOOOOD HAUSA JOKE. LOL ;D
OH KAMIL, UR JOKE BROKE ME DOWN WITH LAUGHTER!!!!!!
THANX
ITS ALL GOOD, FULANI DONT BEEF 8)
Assalaam Alaikum,
LOL, Ukhty...ay ban karawa...I'll post hausa joke Insha Allah... ;D
Subhanallah!
yanzu all the time u knew hausa jokes and never posted a single one!!!!! and u've been dissing the Fulaniz all this time :o :o :o
Halla, Hallah ya ukhty....ammaaaaaaaaa
HAHAHA...I couldn't help it ne wallah...fulani jokes din abun dariyar yayi yawa ;D
Uhhmmm lets see wanne zan fadi maku ::)
Wani bahaushe ne ya siyo kifi, to suna cikin ci shi da matarsa sai kaya ta makale wa matar a throat dinta...sai aka tafi asibiti, da aka je wajen likita, sai likita yace "What is the matter?" sai kuwa bahaushe yace "Halo dan likita, this is 'yar matata, kaya is makwalandiyus in di makogaro, ko da 'yar kwayar magani ce ka bamu" ;D
Shi kuma wannan yaga makafi suna ta samon kudi idan sun yi bara sai kuwa ya rufe idonshi ya tafi bara...ya kuwa samo kudi sosai, amma da yazo bude ido, sai ido yaki budewa...uhhmm mutum dai yayi, yayi ya kasa bude ido...sai can yace "Allah baka san wasa bane, daga wasa sai manau ido"
I'll get more Insha Allah...na manta na hausan ne ;D
I can't wait 4 those Hausa jokes, Fulani keep searching, thank God Ihsan is gonna go searching too lol. Here is one (Fulanicious don't freak, it ain't about u peeps lol):
A Hausa man, An Igbo man and a Yoruba man found theselves in a desert, ba gida gaba ba gida baya, sun gama galabaita kamar za su mutu, can sai uka cinci jimmy bottle( wani dan aljani) after freeing jimmy he ask them to make one and only one wish. The Igbo man started and he said he wished to see himself in a big town inside a shop full with spare parts and suddenly his wish was granted. The Hausa man was next to make a wish, he said I wsih I will see myself in a big mansion with four wives(lol) and differnt flashy cars" his wish was also granted instatnly. It remained the Yoruba man, he was thinking for too long when Jimmy shouted hey I don't have all day, say your one and wish, so I can go... The Yoruba man said" Ohh!! I wish my two friends were here to help me say my wish!!!" His wish was also granted and the IGbo and Hausa man saw themselves back in the desert without knowing what happened. (How foolish, hope no yoruba man dey here lol)
Kamil
NOW THATS WHAT I WANTED TO READ!!! 8)
HAHAHAHA....wallah that is sooo funny...amma dai ma bayarben mutum
Ahhh, Ihsan I missed those two, that was really funny thanx, plz give us sum more...
;D ;D..I'll think about it first (LOL)
Assalaam Alykum,
Ok here's another HAUSA joke ?;D
Wani bahause ne matarshi ta haihu...sai aka ce to ya siyo ragon suna...da yaji haka sai cewa yayi wai a sakawa baby din delu (not sure about the name but it ain't Islamic name) wai ay babu delu a Qur'ani dan haka ba sai an yanka ragon suna ba.... ;D
Wani mutum( na manta ko Bahushe ko bafullatani) akai masa haihuwa, ya syo ragon suna bayan kwana uku sai baby ya mutu, washe gari sai ragon ya mutu shima, ana gobe suna sai sai mahaifiyar jaririn tace ga garinku nan. Mtane suka zo gisuwar mtuwa washe gari suka gaida mtumin suka ce wane ai sai ai hakuri. Sai ya kada baki yace" To ba dole ba tunda mu Allah yayi mana kaca-kaca!!"
I am pretty sure it was a bahuashe... ;D
no ,
i did istakhara
it was a fulani
i see igbo niggi for mine oh! :o
Salam,
Ya ko na raba gardamar ne?lol, guysit doesn't matter did ya all had a good laugh?
Hola peeps
i got 1 real one for u.
A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket, and ordered a double scotch. A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, he told the bartender that he's had enough. The bartender said, "I've got to ask you - what's with the pocket business?" The man replied, "I have my lawyer's picture in there. When he starts to look honest, I've had enough."
peace
Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness. The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!" The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!" Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to harass the cat."
Good one huh?
Ga wani kuma na Fulani i heard, but i betcha it aint true
nwayz....wani bafulatani yaje birni. Sai yaga public buses da yawa. So he decided to take one to wherever it was he was going. Mota tana ta tafiya sai akaje kan highway. Ana ta gudu dan fulani yana ta kallon irin abubuwan birini da babu a kauye (basically gine gine) sai ya kula while motar take gudu bishiyoyi ma gudu sukeyi. Abin ya bashi mamaki sai ya tsokani fada da mai karban kudin mota yace wai sai an bashi kudinshi ya sauka shi bushiya zai hau. Ita zata kaishi inda zai je.
Back on board and here to CHIT CHAT ;D
LOL I've heard the last one as well...it's really funny and could be TRUE!! you know how them fulani are da abun dariya ;D...Ok I didn't say that :-X
ihsna... mynd ya self oh...
ahem...
Joe, a college student, was taking a course in ornithology, the study of birds. The night before the biggest test of the semester, Joe spent all night studying. He had the textbook nearly memorized. He knew his class notes backward and forward. Joe was ready.
The morning of the test, Joe entered the auditorium and took a seat in the front row. On the table in the front was a row of ten stuffed birds. Each bird had a sack covering its body, and only the legs were showing. When class started, the professor announced that the students were to identify each bird by looking at its legs and give its common name, species, habitat, mating habits, etc.
Joe looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He started to get angry. He had stayed up all night studying for this test and now he had to identify birds by their LEGS? The more he thought about the situation, the angrier he got.
Finally he reached his boiling point. He stood up, marched up to the professor's desk, crumpled up his exam paper and threw it on the desk. "What a ridiculous test!" he told the prof. "How could anyone tell the difference between these birds by looking at their legs? This exam is the biggest rip-off I've ever seen!"
With that, Joe turned and stormed toward the exit. The professor was a bit shocked, and it took him a moment to regain his composure. Then, just as Joe was about to walk out the door, the prof shouted out, "Wait a minute, young man, what's your name?"
Joe turned around, pulled up his pant legs and hollered, "You tell me, prof! You tell me!"
;D Aunty Dyme wooo...nace I never said that ;D
HAHA...lallai kam sai ya fadi mashi sunan shi ta haka...sooo funny
there's this fulani guy and a hausa guy sitting under the shade of a tree,
suddenly the hausa guy sees an ant on his fulani friends shoulder.
he says "modibbo an ant walks on your shoulder"
the modibo removes the ant gently and places it on his foot.
the hausa guy gets confused but decides to remain quite.
then the ant reaches the fulani guys shoulder again.
the hausa guy shouts again "modibbo ga kiyashi fa kusa da wuyan ka"
again the modibo places it on his foot.
the process continues 3 to 4 times again and again.
finally the hausa man full of curiosity asks...
'modibo why do u place it on your foot and allow it to climb up to your shoulder again and again?"
the modibbo replies full of the air of supriority
"am gonna make it walk and walk till it dies of fatigue"!
LA ILAHI
FOR THE SAKE OF RAMADAN`S BLESSINGS LET FULANI TAKE A BREAK!!!
AN ETERNAL BREAK IF U MAY!!!
akwai wani fulani man that went to work on his farm,yaje tun da safe bai ci komai ba. Ya dawo gida bai samu abinci ba ,to ya kwana da yunwa,sassafe sai ya tashi ya tafi kasuwa .da isa sai ya ga rogo(cocoyam right?) ,yayi ta cin rogon nan yaki kuma ya biya domin bashi da kudi ,sai mai rogo ya kai kara .da Alkali ya kira shi sai yace wa Alkali " Nakali ka wuni baka shi ba ,ka kwana baka shi ba to ko Ubanka ne yaga rogel baya shi ba"
THE REALISTIC FATHER
There was heavy flooding a few weeks ago in Lagos and several families lost valuable personal effects to the disaster. This was about the time the prices of foodstuff had skyrocketed including garri, which then sold for N100.00 as against N15.00 per measure a few months ago.
While the flood was devastating a neigbourhood, a peasant family was trying to salvage their children and whatever could be rescued. While the rescue operation was going on, the father of the household ran to his sack of garri and placed the heavy commodity on his head, ignoring "JUNIOR", his 4 year old son to his fate. His exasperated wife shouted at him and charged him to drop the sack and salvage his son first. The man refused, saying "Junior can swim, garri can't".
ARMED ROBBERS WITH INTEGRITY
A group of armed robbers apprehended a luxurious bus travelling from Kano to Onitsha. They ordered all the passengers out of the bus. They then instructed them to separate themselves into two groups. Those with money on them to the right while those without money to the left side of the bus. They now commenced their search with those on the left. (those without money). The first man they searched was an elderly man and they found large sum of money cleverly concealed around his trunk. The robbers got very angry and called the elderly man a liar. "It is people like you that give this country a bad name", said one of the thieves.
THREE DRUNKS IN MAIDUGURI
Two drunks in Maiduguri who had engaged themselves in the pub till the early hours of the morning when it was almost daybreak were engaged in a heated argument with one another. They needed to resolve whether what they were observing in the sky was the moon or the sun. While the argument was still going on, another drunk was staggering home himself from the pub.
"Excuse me mister" said one of the drunks to the third man. "We need to know what that is", pointing to the sky. The third drunken man took a serious look at the sky and said matter-of-factly, "I am sorry, I can't help you. I am a visitor in this town!!
LoL!!!!!!!! Waleee those are sooooo funny! lol...
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
A blind man walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out, Can I help, sir? No thanks, says the blind man. Just looking.
man dat was funny
hey i'm laughing mah head off ;D ;D ;D
Venom...... VERY FUNNY!!!!!!
this aint a joke tho
Two Very Good Questions.....
Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before scrolling down to the answer of this one.
Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:
Candidate A: Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B: He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whisky every evening.
Candidate C: He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any extramarital affairs.
Which of these candidates would be your choice?
(Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answer).
:P
:P
:P
:P
:P
:P
:P
;D
;D
;D
:P
:P
:P
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Candidate B is Winston Churchill,
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.
And by the way: Answer to the abortion question if you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.
Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone...and remember, Amateurs built the ark ... Professionals built the Titanic
i would have voted 4 hitler if u hadnt given the answers as ma presido, and Beethoven wouldn't be dead
A man and his wife went to a restaurant...sai mutumin asked for an opener (u know the normal opener!!)...when the lady heard that, she was like "darling, nima zansha opener" :o :o
Wasu maza su biyu kowa da matarshi... one of the men said to his wife "can u please pass the honey, honey" and the other one said to his wife "please pass the milk, cow" :o
Shi kuma wannan (I neva se hu 8) )
ya sayi tea and bread... sai ya gusara bread din and put it in the tea, idan ya fito da shi ya gan yayi soaking, sai yace "kai ta rube" ya karayi sai yace "kai ta rube" at the end dai yayi ending up with nothing!!!
Quote
Shi kuma wannan (I neva se hu ?8) )
ya sayi tea and bread... sai ya gusara bread din and put it in the tea, idan ya fito da shi ya gan yayi soaking, sai yace "kai ta rube" ya karayi sai yace "kai ta rube" at the end dai yayi ending up with nothing!!!
haha kai wannan anyi jaki annan, sai kace Homer. ;D
Very fuhunny Ihsan ;D.Dyme i think i'd advice the woman to abort the baby and stop giving birth gaba daya ;D :D
Muhammed, kai ur own is just too much ahahaha....kaish
If Osama Attacked Nigeria
After the tragedy in New York and Washington the question arises, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF Nigeria IS ATTACKED?
Well ... if that happens, there can be no comparison. That's because in Nigeria we are much better prepared for these kind of attacks.
We do not construct exaggerated elevated buildings.
We all get on the job late in the morning, so at 8:45 there won't be sufficient people to kill.
Fire fighters and police officers will do their utmost not to get to the spot in time. They will reach there just when everything is over, so there will be no casualties among them.
Nigeria Airways would surely have fouled up the terrorists plans by being delayed again.
Nigerians would've never let a terrorist hijack a plane. They would've kicked his ass, and sent him back to where he came from.
A Nigerian would not have used his cell phone to call home. He would've hit the terrorist with it over the head.
If a terrorist was living for one year in Nigeria he would've been robbed and molested so many times he would've given up and gone back home a long time ago.
In Nigeria the terrorists would not have gotten the flight manual, they would've had to pay for it.
Osama would be so confused with who is really in power
You see... in Nigeria we are well prepared or at least, we think so!
Poor Old Woman
Once upon a time, there lived a poor old woman. She had only one child who currently was living in The United States of America.
Unfortunately, the old woman finds it so hard to eat. Sometimes, only one meal a day and sometimes, none at all.
Her concerned Landlord decided to see how he could help and the following conversation ensued...
Landlord: Mama, I thought you have a child living in the United States ?
Poor Old Woman: Yes sir, I do
Landlord: So, why doesn't she send you any money?
Poor Old Woman: Shioo!...That ungrateful girl! After all the sacrifices we made for her. She never sends money to me. Instead, she sends pictures of some old men I don't even know at all
Landlord: Ehh??..ahh??......thats bad o!. Can I see the pictures?
Poor Old Woman: Don't mind her ojare, Yes you can see the pictures
The woman handed over the pictures.
What the old woman had described as pictures of old men were lots and lots of paper notes (DOLLARS!)
So.......what would you do if you were the landlord?
;D
Hehe nice one well! I'll help her keep the old guyz pics ;D
Hehe nice one well! I'll help her keep the old guyz pics ;D
Assalamu alaikum
wannan labarin da gaske ne,wani ne yazo hutu wurina anan lagos,to kowa yasan yadda garin yake ,mun fita dashi muka je wurare da dama to duk inda muka je zai ga anbiya kudin shiga ko kuma kudin duba mota ko dai wani abu makamancin hakan,sai muka je kasuwa nan ma zamu yi parking sai yaga mun biya kudi,ashe shi duk abin nan da ake yi yana lura,wataran muka fita muka je wani wuri ,to sai na ke ce masa in ka dawo kaga signboard din can ka zauna a wurin zan zo in same ka,dana gama na fito sai ban ganshi ba nai ta 'yan dube dube ban ganshi ba,can sai na hango shi a tsaye akan pavements sai na tsallaka na kira shi ,nace kai da nace maka ga inda zaka jira ni sai kaje ka tsaya acan?sai yace ai shi ba kudi a hannun sa ne shi yasa bai tsaya ba kar azo neman kudin kallon signboard!!!!! ??? ???
Wani dan sakkwato ne yan aiki a wani gida gashi da zuciya kuma komai shi ya sani,rannan sai aka aike shi ya siyo waken gwangwani,duk an gama ready za'a ci a binci sai ga wake a leda aka ce dansakkwato bude yana budewa sai aka ce aa mai ye wannan waken gwangwani fa ak ce,sai yace ai wannnan din ma da gwangwani ake auna wa....
lol! barka da zuwa Shira. nice ones up there.
THE FACT OF LIFE
Boy: Dad, what's politics?
Dad: Let me set an example with our family. I have all the money so we'll call me the management. Mom receives most of it so we'll call her the government. We'll call the maid the working class, you are the people, and your baby brother is the future. Do you understand now son?
Boy: I still don't understand dad.
Dad: Think about it for a while son. That night the boy wakes up because his baby brother is crying. He goes in and finds out he's soiled his diapers. He goes to tell his mom but she's asleep he goes in to the maids room but she's in there having sex with his dad. He bangs on the door but no one can here him. The next day...
Son: Dad I understand politics now.
Dad: Good, explain it to me in your own words son.
Son: The management is screwing the working class while the governments fast asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is full of SHIT!
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.
As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."
"Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you are really cute!"
Where have I been all my life that I have NEVER opened this topic on enlightenment? I have been laughing for the last hour especially at Ihsan's jokes. lol Ihsan I didn't know you had such a great sense of humour.All those Fulani jokes.
Have you heard about the Rich man and the leper?
Wani kuturu yana zaune wuri daya yana bara
'Allah Ya baku musamu'. Sai wani attajiri ya zo zai shige. Sai kuturu yasake cewa
'Allah Ya baku musamu'. Attajirin sai ya shige bai kula kuturu ba. Sai kuturu ya bishi da kallo ya ce
'Kuci anan, muci acan'.
Ashe attajiri yaji, sai ya juyo yace da kuturu
'Muci anan, muci acan'.
Sai kuturu ya kalle shi a fusace yace
' Basai ayi !&***^%*! ba!'
Have you heard about the concentration camp joke?
It was during the second world war and it happened to be the day of Hitler's birthday. So in this concentration camp, the camp commandant assembled all the inmates and makes an announcement:
'Today is za Fuehrer's birthday and to celebrate it, Ve are going to release three prisoners; Van (one) Englander, van American, van Juden (JEW). But first za lucky prisoners must ansver van question each'
So a selection is made and the three prisoners are taken each one by one to the commandant's office to answer a question. The American was first. The commandant goes:
'In nineteen hundred and tvelfe, a ship vaz sank. Vat iz za name of za ship?'
The American answered 'Oh the Titanic!'
'You are vree to go'. Said the commandant.
The Englishman was next. The commandant goes:
'In nineteen hundred and tvelfe, za Titanic vaz sank. Vat sank it?'
The English man replied 'Oh an iceberg'.
'You are vree to go' said the commandant.
Lastly the Jew came in. The commandant goes:
'In nineteen hundred and tvelfe, za Titanic vaz sank by an iceberg. Vife hundred people died. Name zem!'
Another one! The Fuehrer's birthday again.
In this concentration camp, this time only jews, were there, the camp commandant assembled all the inmates and makes an announcement:
'Today is za Fuehrer's birthday and to celebrate it, Ve are going to play Squash. Hans vill drife za steam roller!'
Nyc topz, ya'all gat some madddd jokes:, but sumtyms I fynd jokes kinda geeky..cuz one is being told a story d nxt minute.a pessin starts laffin!! Isnt that mental.cuz I say 2 ma self now whuz d real joke...a person or d story? Anywayz
Herez one.................
An airplane is flyin ova U.S.A & d pilot said d flight was loosin height & therefore baggages muss b thrown out
D pilot said we r still lossin height therefore anything muss b thrown out of d cabin
Still d pilot says: we r goin down, therefore passagerz muss b thrown out
Theres a big gasp from d passagerz :o :o :o, but says d pilot: 2 make things fair we r goin 2 throw ppl out Alphabetically
So any Afrikanz on board?!!!!!!!!!! No one moves
Any Blacks on board?!!! No one moves!!!!
Any Carribeans on board!! Still no one moves
Then far @ d end a lile boi who happens to b with his father amongst d passagers said to his father:
Father!...............wat r we?!!!!
The father said.............well son....tonyt son we r [/B]ZULU's[/B]............................................................
Which basically mean Z is d lass alphabeth.............so duz that mean they have a chance of survival ;)
lol Ummul...that's sooo funny...500 names? let the commander name them... :D
hehehe Ummita...they might have a chance mana...
Quote
So any Afrikanz on board?!!!!!!!!!! No one moves
Any Blacks on board?!!! No one moves!!!!
Any Carribeans on board!! Still no one moves
Then far @ d end a lile boi who happens to b with his father amongst d passagers said to his father:
Father!...............wat r we?!!!!
The father said.............well son....tonyt son we r [/B]ZULU's[/B]............................................................
;)
Hurray for the Zulu!
Any Africans, Blacks, Carribeans?
ABC- which ever letter, still the negro first to be got rid of!!!!!!!!!!! :( :( :(
To Allah Ya Kyauta kurum.
Guess what ummita? When I was writing those jokes earlier, somebody was telling me the joke you posted up there! Talk about telepathy!
I received this in my mail this morning. Enjoy it:
(1) BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL WOMAN IS HERSELF 8) 8) 8)
(2) OH MY GOD, I THINK I'M BECOMING THE MAN I WANTED TO MARRY! :-[ :-[ :-[
(3) GINGER ROGERS DID EVERYTHING FRED ASTAIRE DID, BUT SHE DID IT BACKWARDS AND IN HIGH HEELS :-/ :-/ :-/
(4) A WOMAN IS LIKE A TEA BAG...YOU DON'T KNOW HOW ? STRONG SHE IS UNTIL YOU PUT HER IN HOT WATER ;) ;)
(5) I HAVE YET TO HEAR A MAN ASK FOR ADVICE ON HOW TO COMBINE MARRIAGE AND A CAREER :( :( :(
(6) SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME 8) 8) 8)
(7) COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN ... SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH ;) ;) ;)
(8) DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN
(9) I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I HAVE A GUN ::) ::) ::)
(10) WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT 8) 8) 8)
(11) OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME ;D ;D ;D
(12) DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN :D :D :D
(13) ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE :o :o :o
(14) I CAN BE ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENS TO BAD PEOPLE ::) ::) ::)
(15) HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY? :-/ :-/ :-/
(16) DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES :-[ :-[ :-[
And last but not least:
(17) IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN ;) ;) ;)
;D ;D ;D
dayummmmmmmmmmmm
yall off the hook, i tell ya, off DEM HOOK!!!!!
Salam peeps, a lil somethin somethin i was sent and wanted to share wit yall
peace
Mr. Bean in action
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain
tumour.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!
****
MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just
twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!
****
CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND
Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it
Ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a
horror film. I didn't see any picture.
Friend: What tape did you take anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.
****
Mr. Bean: (crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
After 2 minutes Mr. Bean cries even louder
Friend: what now?
Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!
****
MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING
Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an
elevator for 4 hrs. because
of a power failure.
Mr. Bean: Thats alright, me too...I got stuck on the
escalator for 3 hrs.
****
Spelling lesson
Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of
successful....is it one c or two c?
Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!
WHILE IN A DRUG STORE
Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the
alphabet yet!!
****
QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE
Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: four asterisks!
****
Friend: how many women do you believe a man must
marry?
Mr. Bean: 16
Friend: Why?
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4
poorer, 4 better and
4worse.
****
LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
wheytin u laff at... he sounds juss like u.....lol...
are u ajebota or paki????/ :o :o :o ::) 8)
12 ways to make the determination
If you step on a nail and bleed, you might be ‘Bota,
If you step on a nail and BEND IT, you're ‘Paki!
If you see the words Madam, Sir or Esq. after your folks name on an envelope, you might be an ajebota...
But, if people refer to your folks as either "Iya-beji", "Mama-baby", "Mama-Chukwudi", or "Baa Lamidi", you are NOT ajebota!
If you have your home periodically fumigated with scentless pest repellants so it's virtually roach and termite free, you might be an Ajebota....
But, if your aim with either your Cortina or Skoll can nail a flying cockroach to the wall, you're an Ajepaki!
If your folks carry wallets and purses, you're possibly an Ajebota,...
But if your mom reaches into her bra to get money in the glaring eyes of the public, your Paki is level 5! 8)
If you have a borehole installed in your compound for year round water supply, you might be an Ajebota, ...
But if either you have a 'kanga' irrigation system or the middle of your head is hairless due to having logged over 65,000miles from hauling pails of water, you're an Ajepaki!
If, after using the bathroom, you have an assorted barrage of scented toilet tissues to choose from, you just might be an Ajebota,..
But if you use water to 'tamba' ya self, you're an Ajepaki!
If you brush, rinse, gargle and floss, you just might be an Ajebota....
But if, after chewing your Pako,you can spit the pako-paste 40 yards, your pakiness is considered level 10! ;D
If you had underwear that had the elastic bands at the waistline, you could be an ajebota,....
But if your underwear looks like the flag of Ghana and has a drawstring, you're DEFINITELY PAKI! :D :D
If you happened to have wandered into a neighborhood during Ileya[lahiya] and got amazed by the fact that people found ram-fights amusing, you might be an Ajebota, .....
But if YOU took the ram to fight after feeding it 'igbo', you are definitely a paki!
If your home has sophisticated theft deterrent systems like barbed-wires, dogs, a camera and an alarm system, you just might be an Ajebota,....
But if people are scared to scale your fence because of widely spread rumors of your folks having installed a SHIGIDI' (whatever that is), you're an Ajepaki!
If you go to a hair salon in Naija to get your do, you just might be a ‘bota,..
But if you and your 'onidiri' sit for six hours on an Apoti under a tree while she did your hair, you're PAKI!
Finally, if you and your mate know what foreplay means, you just might be a ‘bota,....
But if you try foreplay with your woman and she replies impatiently: "Baa Karimu, E se' nte' se, E ye f'ori Omu si E', you are a PAKI!!
;D ;D ;D
may be u heard this one b4
This is the story of four people named Everybody, Somebody,
Anybody, and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was
asked to do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's
job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody
realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. Consequently, it
wound up that Nobody told Anybody, so Everybody blamed
Somebody.