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Member Showcase => chit-chat => Topic started by: *~MuDa~* on August 29, 2007, 12:52:09 PM

Title: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: *~MuDa~* on August 29, 2007, 12:52:09 PM
hi guys,

I havent been around for a while, i just wanted to express some thoughts on the topic of discussion and to here what u have to say, i was on a trip to Benin city, i passed through several naija towns and i saw several naija cultures that were intriguing. so the idea kinda popped out from somehwere and i thought it the best to share it with u guys.

Arranged marriages, what do u have to say about that? In some societies especially in the past poeple only meet their wives on their first matrimonial night? Some met their wives ages ago, some gashi nan dai, we all know about that, what do u think are the advantages, and the shortcommings? Would you rather know ur lifepartner habbits and characters earlier b4 marriage, will you trust ur parents word by accepting a wive or husband of their choice, can you take the risks of venturing into a life time affair blindly?

People pls let me hear what u have to say....as una know se many of us are yet to be married so we are eager to learn. That does not mean i have been bethroted o! Ehen.
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: HUSNAA on August 29, 2007, 05:39:38 PM
Very good topic Muda.
In some societies, arranged marriages seem to work wonders. Infact it is said that arranged marriages last longer than non arranged marriages. This is what the Fulanis and the Katsinawas are so fond of doing: auren gida, cousin marriages and so on. However in everything, the motive behind the arrangement is what makes it a success or a failure. If a father arranges his daughter's marriage based on the good character of the man in question then maybe the marriage will last. And if the wife was also obedient to the wishes of her husband, then it lasts also.  In the past arranged marriages also worked because there was extraordinary obedience and subservience to the patriarch of the house, on the part of both or one partner. For example the couple will stay married for better or for worse regardless of whether they were happy with each other or not. That is so that they would not appear to be disrespecting the wishes of the patriarch or cause any fractions within the extended family unit. Also in our polygamous society as the man is entitled to more than just one, he may after a while go after his own choice as a second wife, thus killing two birds with one stone.
I think it is better even if the marriage were to be arranged, for the prospective spouses to get to know each other socially. That way some form of understanding may develop before they take the final step. If a person chose his own spouse, its no gurantee that the person he/she chose will turn out to be an agreeable life partner. And even so, in our set up, where living together is tabooed and haram, one can never really know the person one is marrying just through the constant casual visits and gift bearing and all that. One has to really live with them. That is why some societies opt to live with each other before saying 'i do i do'. The downside to that ofcourse is that the couple easily tire with each other as is the norm with any relationship. So as there is no contract bindimng them, they may decide to split. The problem is that, this is what will keep happening no matter how many ppl they decide to live with before tying the knot. So its better to tie the knot and then grow tired of each other. That way, you cant leave each other on the slightest whim because there is a contract binding the couple.
I will tell you the best method for getting the best husband or wife. Ka/ki je ka/ki  dukufa wajen Ubangiji, by doing tahhajjud constantly and fasting now and then asking Allah Ya baka ko Ya baki abokin zama wanda ya fiye maka/miki alheri. That is the only sure bunker way of getting a good life partner.
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: Muhsin on August 30, 2007, 10:29:12 AM
I will tell you the best method for getting the best husband or wife. Ka/ki je ka/ki  dukufa wajen Ubangiji, by doing tahhajjud constantly and fasting now and then asking Allah Ya baka ko Ya baki abokin zama wanda ya fiye maka/miki alheri. That is the only sure bunker way of getting a good life partner.

Aunty Husnaa has finished magana by raising the above points. But I will also like to add something which I hope and think can be of importance when back as for now, I don't have much time.

Wish you'll return lafiya kalau Muda.
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: Muhsin on August 31, 2007, 10:46:09 AM
How to Choose a Good Wife

In Islam, a good wife is considered to be the greatest blessing in this world. Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al ‘As, may Allah be pleased with them, related that the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him said: “This world is a blessing for us, and the greatest blessing in it is a good wife.”

Islam gives us guidance to help a man to choose a good wife because they will share the rest of their life together and she will be the mother of his children and keeper of his secrets, and she will instruct their children in the traditions and teachings of Islam. The Messenger of Allah, blessings and peace be upon him, said: “Man wishes to marry a woman for four reasons: her wealth, her family, her beauty or her Deen (the practice of Islam). Catch the one who upholds the Deen, or you will not be able to fulfill all your wishes. (Bukhari and Muslim)

What are the characteristics of a good wife in Islam? The Messenger of Allah, blessings and peace be upon him, said: “The best wife is the one who when you look at her you will be happy that she is your wife. If you ask her to do something she will do it, and when you are away she will keep herself only for you and protect your property.” (An-Nasai)  He warned us against marrying a beautiful woman with no deen. He once said to his Companions: “I warn you against marrying Khadaru ad-damin!” “What is Khadaru ad-damin?” asked the Companions. He replied: “A beautiful woman from bad family. She will weaken your Islam, spoil your children and bring you many problems. (Addaru Kutuniyya)

Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: *~MuDa~* on August 31, 2007, 07:14:06 PM
OMG Husnaa i just knew u will be the first to respond or have something to say. Anyway it doesnt matter, u have said it all, quite a good summary, but u have forgotten to tell us ur veiw, u were very clever though.

Muhsin thanx a lot for the safety prayer, i was home safe, not even a mosquito bite...lol.

I tell you guys what, i would have been very stupid if i havent posted this topic here, from the look of things, people have so much to say about this, Husnaa u said well about A. M. (arranged marriages) in ethnical context, i will have to add that i have heard that the yorubas have a tradition they call 'Wa jo ku" or sumthin...i cant really remember but it literally mean "come lets sit", technically it denotes that the wife have to leave with the husban for a certain period before he can approve of her well being, character, person and if she can bear children or not. Well na Africa.

Muhsin took the matter from a religious perspective, you explained well in details backed with hadiths and quotations from the Qur'an, but i will say u had a major flaw in ur contribution, you tittled the topic "How to Choose a Good Wife" what about "How to Choose a Good Husband"? Dont be biased now, am tired of HUsnaa, Fateez, Hafsy and Ummita picking on me that i always post misogynistic topics. so the topic is on Arraged Marriages, so all parties are affected... lol dont be offended ka ji...i just need to know how u guys feel about these things.
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: kitkat on August 31, 2007, 09:13:12 PM
I saw a documentary on arranged marriages in pakistan. It painted a very gory picture of unhappiness and despair, but it was in the context of pakistanis in britain who when an arranged marriage in britain fails, will now arrange for a groom or bride from pakistan.
The wa joko culture in yoruba i believe is a result of their fixation with the ability to bear children by the wife and so the couple are encouraged to try it out which results in a large percentage of weddings with the bride heavy with child!
 Down north i beleive if the couple are lucky and find compatibility it works like a charm, but we cant deny that problems arise from time to time.
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: amira on August 31, 2007, 10:21:37 PM
This is a good topic, but i'll be back on it ;)
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: precious on September 01, 2007, 07:51:04 PM
Hi.
You can look at A.M's from different angles.
If a man has someone chosen for him since childhood and he later falls for another it definitely wont be a gift and vice versa.
If the marriage succeeds,good for the zumunci and if it does'nt ...
The failure of arrange marriages affects the two parties involved in a negative way.I come from a family that used to,still do actually, have arrange marriages.I must say most of those marriages have been successful from our point of view.As Yaya Husnaa has pointed out though, in those days the wives were quite subservient.These days,gaskiya mun yi "ilimi" kowa ta san "rights" dinta.So women are not sooo dormant,if i may use the word,anymore.
I have seen cases in which the marriage failed between cousins and it soured the relationship between the families of the spouses and the parents all happened to be brothers and sisters.U know ,this X .The husbands father being the brother of the wifes mother and the husbands mother being the sister of the wifes father.Kun gane? Any way da auren yayi tsami haka ma zumucin yayi tsami har da 'yan zage zage.
There are different cultures and different attitudes to marriage.In my opinion marriages also work depending on how we all value marriages.And of course how religious we are.Kai! no I take that back.Allah akwai wata aunty dina da aka hada ta da wani ustaz wanda ke kwanan masallaci da azumi akai akai.In the end Allah dukan tsiyaya ke mata.Kuma  harda lokacin da take da ciki.
Anyway, my little piece on the topic...
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: kitkat on September 01, 2007, 10:22:36 PM
Hi.
I come from a family that used to,still do actually, have arrange marriages.I must say most of those marriages have been successful from our point of view.

Hmmm.. Galadanci kenan, they congregate every once in a while in zubairaiyya hall and marry off one cousin to another,keep it in the family.


Welcome back by the way...
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: HUSNAA on September 02, 2007, 05:39:17 AM
Hi.
I come from a family that used to,still do actually, have arrange marriages.I must say most of those marriages have been successful from our point of view.

Hmmm.. Galadanci kenan, keep it in the family.


Welcome back by the way...

i disagree KK, share the genes... they are good ones...dont keep them within the family lol ;D

Quote from: Muda
OMG Husnaa i just knew u will be the first to respond or have something to say

That predictable Eh? ;D
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: *~MuDa~* on September 02, 2007, 05:39:55 PM
@ Husnaa, Ehen now, i was positive.

Well i think using galandanci as a case study in Kano is a good example, the Galandanci people if not always, are into A.M.s alot. Its not bad but medically i heard that majority of them have cronic Athma, due to the intensity of Athmatic genes (i dont know jack about medicine) coming together to form an offspring (biologist am i right?) hope i am, anyway u guys get what am saying right? I'm not trying to pick on them, i have galadanci friends with the tragic ilness. What do you think?
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: precious on September 02, 2007, 08:44:59 PM
Wai a duk Kano ba mutanen da ke yin A.M ne?Everytime people ask me where im from and i tell them Kano the first thing they say is Galadanci.Duk Kano babu kyawawa(ehem) sirara masu gashi kuma wadanda suka yi ilimin gaba da sekandare sai 'yan Galadanci,ko?Mtss.It isnt fair...

Thanks Kitty Kat.You know I missed Kano online.It used to be that i'd log in every day.Till i stopped.
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: HUSNAA on September 03, 2007, 06:32:28 AM
@ Husnaa, Ehen now, i was positive.

Well i think using galandanci as a case study in Kano is a good example, the Galandanci people if not always, are into A.M.s alot. Its not bad but medically i heard that majority of them have cronic Athma, due to the intensity of Athmatic genes (i dont know jack about medicine) coming together to form an offspring (biologist am i right?) hope i am, anyway u guys get what am saying right? I'm not trying to pick on them, i have galadanci friends with the tragic ilness. What do you think?

Biologically speaking, that is correct. Too much inter marriages within same clan or family unit tends to concentrate the gene pool so that  unhealthy genes get a chance to become dominant alleles and manifest themselves oftener than they would otherwise do in a diluted gene pool. I dont know much about the Galadanci clan myself except I know one or two of them professionally. I say their genes are still good, because they are very intelligent and yes, Precious, the girls are good looking, some very much so. So they need to dilute them in order to get the best out of them. Amma kuma duk da haka, I have a sister whom duk 'yan matan galadancin sai dai su sara mata wajen kyan, da ilimin  da sheer charisma and presence! (hehehehe  ;D ;D ;D ;D)
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: amira on September 03, 2007, 06:03:16 PM
Arranged marriges can be good and bad there are so many factors, but if it works out well to sai hamdala but if not then boy you dont wanna go there cos some families take it to the extreme. Like precious rounded it up.
So you see if you eva find yourself in dis situation..........
........then i cant help you ;D ;D am kidding
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: mlbash on September 03, 2007, 07:19:22 PM

 :).
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: sdanyaro on September 03, 2007, 10:50:16 PM
I have a sister whom duk 'yan matan galadancin sai dai su sara mata wajen kyan, da ilimin  da sheer charisma and presence! (hehehehe  ;D ;D ;D ;D)
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: amira on September 03, 2007, 11:04:26 PM

 :).

Hey welcome back ;)
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: MySeLf on September 03, 2007, 11:45:24 PM
Aure sa'a ne kawai, be it arranged or self choice.
Du'a kawai Allah yayi mana jagora.
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: Muhsin on September 04, 2007, 10:16:23 AM

Muhsin took the matter from a religious perspective, you explained well in details backed with hadiths and quotations from the Qur'an, but i will say u had a major flaw in ur contribution, you tittled the topic "How to Choose a Good Wife" what about "How to Choose a Good Husband"? Dont be biased now, am tired of HUsnaa, Fateez, Hafsy and Ummita picking on me that i always post misogynistic topics. so the topic is on Arraged Marriages, so all parties are affected... lol dont be offended ka ji...i just need to know how u guys feel about these things.[/color]

This article comes from Sisters Area
http://wwww.sisters.islamway.com

Choosing A Good Husband
Date: Saturday, October 20 @ 08:29:51 EET
Topic: Marriage

One of the ways in which Islam has honoured woman is by giving her the right to choose her husband. Her parents have no right to force her to marry someone she dislikes. The Muslim woman knows this right, but she does not reject the advice and guidance of her parents when a potential suitor comes along

because they have her best interests at heart, and they have more experience of life and people. At the same time, she does not forego this right because of her father's wishes that may make him force his daughter into a marriage with someone she dislikes.

There are many texts that support the woman in this sensitive issue, for example the report quoted by Imam Al-Bukhaari from al-Khansa' bint Khidam:

"My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah . He said to me: `Accept what your father has arranged.' I said, `I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.' He said, `Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.' I said, `I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter's matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them).'"2

At first, the Prophet told al-Khansa' to obey her father, and this is as it should be, because the concern of fathers for their daughters' well-being is well-known. But when he realized that her father wanted to force her into a marriage she did not want, he gave her the freedom to choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into an unwanted marriage.

Islam does not want to impose an unbearable burden on women by forcing them to marry a man they dislike, because it wants marriages to be successful, based on compatibility between the partners; there should be common ground between them in terms of physical looks, attitudes, habits, inclinations and aspirations. If something goes wrong, and the woman feels that she cannot love her husband sincerely, and fears that she may commit the sin of disobeying and opposing this husband whom she does not love, then she may ask for a divorce. This is confirmed by the report in which the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammas, Jamilah the sister of `Abdullah ibn Ubayy, came to the Prophet and said: "O Messenger of Allah, I have nothing against Thabit ibn Qays as regards his religion or his behaviour, but I hate to commit any act of kufr when I am a Muslim. The Prophet said: "Will you give his garden back to him?" - her mahr had been a garden. She said, "Yes." So the Messenger of Allah sent word to him: "Take back your garden, and give her one pronouncement of divorce."3

According to a report given by Al-Bukhaari from Ibn `Abbas, she said, "I do not blame Thabit for anything with regard to his religion or his behaviour, but I do not like him."

Islam has protected woman's pride and humanity, and has respected her wishes with regard to the choice of a husband with whom she will spend the rest of her life. It is not acceptable for anyone, no matter who he is, to force a woman into a marriage with a man she does not like. There is no clearer indication of this than the story of Barirah, an Ethiopian slave-girl who belonged to `Utbah ibn Abu Lahab, who forced her to marry another slave whose name was Mughith. She would never have accepted him as a husband if she had been in control of her own affairs. `A'ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) took pity on her, so she bought her and set her free. Then this young woman felt that she was free and in control of her own affairs, and that she could take a decision about her marriage. She asked her husband for a divorce. Her husband used to follow her, weeping, whilst she rejected him. Al-Bukhaari quotes Ibn `Abbas describing this freed woman who insisted on the annulment of her marriage to someone she did not love; the big-hearted Prophet commented on this moving sight, and sought to intervene.

Ibn `Abbas said:

"Barirah's husband was a slave, who was known as Mughith. I can almost see him, running after her and crying, with tears running down onto his beard. The Prophet said to `Abbas, `O `Abbas, do you not find it strange, how much Mugith loves Barirah, and how much Barirah hates Mughith?' The Prophet said (to Barirah), `Why do you not go back to him?' She said, `O Messenger of Allah, are you commanding me to do so?' He said, `I am merely trying to intervene on his behalf.' She said, `I have no need of him.'"4

The Prophet was deeply moved by this display of human emotion: deep and overwhelming love on the part of the husband, and equally powerful hatred on the part of the wife. He could not help but remind the wife, and ask her why she did not go back to him, as he was her husband and the father of her child. This believing woman asked him, whether he was ordering her to do so: was this a command, a binding obligation? The Prophet , this great law-giver and educator, replied that he was merely trying to intercede and bring about reconciliation if possible; he was not trying to force anybody to do something they did not wish to. Let those stubborn, hard-hearted fathers who oppress their own daughters listen to the teaching of the Prophet !

The Muslim woman who understands the teachings of her religion has wise and correct standards when it comes to choosing a husband. She does not concern herself just with good looks, high status, a luxurious lifestyle or any of the other things that usually attract women. She looks into his level of religious commitment and his attitude and behaviour, because these are the pillars of a successful marriage, and the best features of a husband. Islamic teaching indicates the importance of these qualities in a potential husband, as Islam obliges a woman to accept the proposal of anyone who has these qualities, lest fitnah and corruption become widespread in society:

"If there comes to you one with whose religion and attitude you are satisfied, then give your daughter to him in marriage, for if you do not do so, fitnah anmischief will become widespread on earth."5

Just as the true Muslim young man will not be attracted to the pretty girls who have grown up in a bad environment, so the Muslim young woman who is guided by her religion will not be attracted to stupid "play-boy" types, no matter how handsome they may be. Rather she will be attracted to the serious, educated, believing man who is clean-living and pure of heart, whose behaviour is good and whose understanding of religion is sound. No-one is a suitable partner for the good, believing woman except a good, believing man; and no-one is a suitable partner for the wayward, immoral woman but a wayward, immoral man, as Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) has said:

Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity . . . (Qur'aan 24:26)

This does not mean that the Muslim woman should completely ignore the matter of physical appearance, and put up with unattractiveness or ugliness. It is her right - as stated above - to marry a man for whom her heart may be filled with love, and who is pleasing to her both in his appearance and in his conduct. Appearance should not be neglected at the expense of inner nature, or vice versa. A woman should choose a man who is attractive to her in all aspects, one who will gain her admiration and respect. The true Muslim woman is never dazzled by outward appearances, and she never lets them distract her from seeing the essence of a potential spouse. The Muslim woman knows that the man has the right of qiwamah over her, as the Qur'aan says:

( Men are the protectors and maintainers [qawwamun] of women, because Allah has given the one more [strength] than the other, and because they support them from their means . . .) (Qur'aan 4:34)

Hence she wants to marry a man of whose qiwamah over her she will feel proud, one whom she will be happy to marry and never regret it. She wants a man who will take her hand in his and set out to fulfil their life's mission of establishing a Muslim family and raising a new generation of intelligent and caring children, in an atmosphere of love and harmony, which will not be impeded by conflicting attitudes or religious differences. Believing men and believing women are supposed to walk side-by-side on the journey of life, which is a serious matter for the believer, so that they may fulfil the great mission with which Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) has entrusted mankind, men and women alike, as the Qur'aan says:

( For Muslim men and women - for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are constant and patient, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women who fast [and deny themselves], for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah's praise - for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward.) (Qur'aan 33:35)

In order to achieve this great goal of strengthening the marriage bond, and establishing a stable family life, it is essential to choose the right partner in the first place.

Among the great Muslim women who are known for their strength of character, lofty aspirations and far-sightedness in their choice of a husband is Umm Sulaym bint Milhan, who was one of the first Ansar women to embrace Islam. She was married to Malik ibn Nadar, and bore him a son, Anas. When she embraced Islam, her husband Malik was angry with her, and left her, but she persisted in her Islam. Shortly afterwards, she heard the news of his death, and she was still in the flower of her youth. She bore it all with the hope of reward, for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa), and devoted herself to taking care of her ten-year-old son Anas. She took him to the Prophet , so that he could serve him (and learn from him).

One of the best young men of Madinah, one of the best-looking, richest and strongest, came to seek her hand in marriage. This was Abu Talhah - before he became Muslim. Many of the young women of Yathrib liked him because of his wealth, strength and youthful good looks, and he thought that Umm Sulaym would joyfully rush to accept his offer. But to his astonishment, she told him, "O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship is just a tree that grew in the ground and was carved into shape by the slave of Banu so-and-so." He said, "Of course." She said, "Do you not feel ashamed to prostrate yourself to a piece of wood that grew in the ground and was carved by the slave of Banu so-and-so?" Abu Talhah was stubborn, and hinted to her of an expensive dowry and luxurious lifestyle, but she persisted in her point of view, and told him frankly: "O Abu Talhah, a man like you could not be turned away, but you are a disbelieving man, and I am a Muslim woman. It is not permitted for me to marry you, but if you were to embrace Islam, that would be my dowry (mahr), and I would ask you for nothing more."6

He returned the following day to try to tempt her with a larger dowry and more generous gift, but she stood firm, and her persistance and maturity only enhanced her beauty in his eyes. She said to him, "O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship was carved by the carpenter slave of so-and-so? If you were to set it alight, it would burn." Her words came as a shock to Abu Talhah, and he asked himself, Does the Lord burn? Then he uttered the words: "Ashhadu an la ilaha ill-Allah wa ashhadu anna Muhammadan rasul-Allah."

Then Umm Sulaym said to her son Anas, with joy flooding her entire being, "O Anas, marry me to Abu Talhah." So Anas brought witnesses and the marriage was solemnized.

Abu Talhah was so happy that he was determined to put all his wealth at Umm Sulaym's disposal, but hers was the attitude of the selfless, proud, sincere believing woman. She told him, "O Abu Talhah, I married you for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa), and I will not take any other dowry." She knew that when Abu Talhah embraced Islam, she did not only win herself a worthy husband, but she also earned a reward from Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) that was better than owning red camels (the most highly-prized kind) in this world, as she had heard the Prophet say:

"If Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) were to guide one person to Islam through you, it is better for you than owning red camels."7

Such great Muslim women are examples worthy of emulation, from whom Muslim women may learn purity of faith, strength of character, soundness of belief and wisdom in choosing a husband.

Alharamain Foundation
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: HUSNAA on September 04, 2007, 11:13:09 AM
Thank you for that piece Muhsin. Thank you for taking the time to search for it. It really was a good piece. There is only one thing I find a bit hard to swallow in this. The word of Prophet SAW is law in all cases that is why the freed Ethiopian woman was asking whether the prophet was commanding her to go back to her husband whom she does not love and he replied that he was merely making a suggestion. So I find a bit hard to accept that Al Khansa bint Khidam will declare to the prophet her dislike of the match and when the prophet makes a serious pronouncement on it
  `Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.'

then she will turn round and say that
'I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter's matters'.
Does she know better than the prophet in such affairs?
When Prophet Mohammed makes a pronouncement on something then that thing becomes binding on the individual because the prophet always says things under inspiration even if it is not strictly wahayy.
Anyway those of you who know better please enlighten me further. I just felt that it was as if she was taking the words of the Prophet too lightly.
There was a woman whom the prophet wished to marry and when he came upon the room she was in before she realized who it was, she said I ask Allah's refuge from whom ever is approaching and the Prophet replied you are protected. (this is not verbertim please note). So he turned back. So you see, because she asked protection from Allah and the prophet replied to her wish, she became so to speak invalidated for him (Kash for her!! I  always feel sad for her when I remember or read this hadeeth. What a lost opportunity for aljanna express!) Anyway according to some other narratives she was set up to say that by some who knew the prophet's intention.. Allahu A'alam. I try not to give too  much weight or believe this, because this one of those things that can easily lead a person to annaru khalidina fiha abadan...... :o
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: mlbash on September 05, 2007, 07:48:26 PM

uhm...someone call that a piece, well muhsin thanks for that lovely bulk! :)
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: mlbash on September 05, 2007, 07:54:59 PM

 :).

Hey welcome back ;)

 hey! thanks alot my good pal you seem to be the only one who reaaly cares, i'll make sure i send a parcel for you this ramadan, not the type ihsan promised me one time and couldn't fulfill her promise! :-\ :-[
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: HUSNAA on September 05, 2007, 08:11:39 PM

uhm...someone call that a piece, well muhsin thanks for that lovely bulk! :)

Hahahahahaaha!! lovely bulk indeed... u make it sound like an obese american......


Lol dont take it to heart too much if ppl decide to just do away with the preliminaries like saying welcome back. I am sure we are all happy to 'see' every member that has been absent for so long... ;D
Title: Re: Arranged Marriages: A Gift or A Curse
Post by: amira on September 05, 2007, 10:43:19 PM

 :).

Hey welcome back ;)

 hey! thanks alot my good pal you seem to be the only one who reaaly cares, i'll make sure i send a parcel for you this ramadan, not the type ihsan promised me one time and couldn't fulfill her promise! :-\ :-[

Ina nan kau ina jira ;D