Ideal guest

[bamalli]

Ideal guest

Welcoming guests is a part of our way of life.But being a good guest is
the other side of this coin.There are some tips to keep your hosts happy
and your visit virtually problem-free.
Tip #1: Don't overstay

Khalid ibn Amr relates that he heard the Messenger of Allah, the Prophet
Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) saying: He who believes in
Allah and the Last Day should honor his guest as he deserves.

He was asked: `And what does he deserve, O Messenger of Allah?' and
he answered:

`A day and a night of what he deserves, and hospitality for three
days. More than this is charity.' (Bukhari, Muslim).

As the above-mentioned Hadith indicates, guests are to be welcomed. But
this openness and generosity should not be abused so as to be a burden
on the hosts.

This factor should be taken into consideration for those of us who come
from families back home who may not be well off financially. We should
act wisely and judge for ourselves how long is too long for our hosts.

Tip #2: Give gifts

It is narrated by Aisha that the Messenger of Allah said: `Exchange
presents with one another, for they remove ill feelings from the
hearts.' (Tirmidhi).

What better way to bridge the gap between relatives hundreds or
thousands of miles away than to give a gift? In particular, encourage
kids to give gifts to relatives of the same age and gender. This may be
the springboard to developing a deep, meaningful friendship, not just a
blood relationship. But these gifts should not become an excuse for
extravagance or showing off, both of which are condemned by Islam.

Tip #3: Receive gifts graciously

Giving gifts is only one part of the equation. Receiving gifts is the
other. Adults and young people coming from North America may have become
used to the idea of exchanging gifts they may have too many of or may
not like.

This is not acceptable when visiting friends and relatives, especially
those in or from Pakistan. Such behavior could be considered obnoxious
and ungrateful.

Accept all gifts graciously. Even if it's the 100th leather wallet
you've received, don't make a fuss about it.

Tip #4: Respect your elders

Abu Musa Ashari related that the Messenger of Allah said: `It is
part of glorifying Allah to show respect to a grey-haired Muslim, and to
a person who can teach the Quran.' (Abu Dawud).

Respecting your elders is a requirement of Islam, whether you're in
North America or in Pakistan. Certain behaviors need to be avoided in
this regard: speaking with disrespect, even if you disagree with an
older person; stretching your legs or putting your feet up on the table
in front of everyone present when there are elders there, for example.

Tip #5: Know the local customs

For example: no does not always mean no amongst some relatives and
friends in Muslim countries. In other words, if you're no longer hungry
after a fantastic meal at your aunt's and she asks you to take more
dessert, your answer may be no, but that may translate as yes. For every
one of your no's, she may spoon more dessert into your bowl.

Find appropriate ways to respond to this, whether it's by using a
truthful excuse (i.e. I really will get very, very sick if I eat any
more), or even better, tell her the Hadith about eating in a way that
you have one-third water, one-third food and one-third air in your
stomach.

The ideal guest will be polite, discreet, grateful and respectful. He or
she will also make sure not to hurt the host's feelings or be hostile.

Tip #6: Know the customs of the house

This means for example, sleeping and waking up earlier than normal if
your host family is used to getting up and going to bed early.
Maintaining the same schedule as you normally do at home in this case,
may disrupt your host's home life and cause problems.

Tip #7: Respect the family's Islamicity

If you try your best to practice Islam, Alhamdu lillah. But this may not
be the case with your host and their family. While your visit may be a
great way to increase their Islamic awareness, it's important to respect
their privacy and not to humiliate them. That means not hitting them
over the head with incessant lectures about how this and that are Haram
(forbidden) in their home or how they are not practicing.

So if you wake up for Fajr, and not all members of the host family do,
make Wudu and pray without disturbing others. Perhaps later in the day,
you can talk about how much you enjoyed going to pray Fajr at the local
mosque, or the peace and tranquility you felt praying in the silence
before sunrise.

That said though, this does not mean you give up Islamic duties to
please guests. Prayer, wearing appropriate Islamic attire in front of
the opposite sex, for instance, must be maintained, regardless of the
level of Islamicity of the host family.