MOST DIFFICULT HELD CONVERSATIONS (WATS URS?)!!!!!

[Ibro2g]

I think I agree very well wid waziri. Talking would be alot easier, infact almost burden less with sincerity. Yet again it depends on degree of understanding. Like a good friend of mine once said in dialogues, one should appeal to one of two things, either reasoning or emotions...every sensible human uses one of these two at a certain time in any dialogue. If one's heart is so strong and he chooses to reason, then u could reason wid him, and if its emotional, u appeal to them. But all in all, its most swift with sincerity, honesty from the mind.
    With all sincerity I love this post, one of the most meaningful on the chitchat

[Anonymous]

On my side the most difficult conversation that ended a faithful freindship with my best buddy was telling him I was dating his ex- girlfriend. My best buddy, we have been together for 6yrs. Things didnt go well for him and the girl he liked and they broke up. He met another girl, infact an saka musu ranar aure. After a year and over 6  months so so I m. et the girl in Kaduna, jokingly I told her why she lost contact with us etc. Sooner we became freinds and I always tell my buddy that we have been in contact and she sends her regards. She was more of a freind & never had I stopped for once to relly think whats going on, it was too late to retrieve my love for her & her love for me. I taught it was O'K saboda ban saba ma addinin musulunci ba, kuma it was not a forbidden sin. The girl likes me and I also do the same. But my buddy made a big deal stating that I had betrayed him. I tried to explain in the best possible way that never would I and that I was indeed a true freind in mouth words but body and soul and that I will stand till what ever goes down because he was a real buddy to me and he was such a good guy. I tried holding conversations in what I can say : the best possible way he refused. He has been keeping a grudge against me and I dont expect us as adults to do so because I believe what ever happens has been written by Allah. The only thing that I know he does is saying salamualaikum and going off. To me the mot difficult conversation is this! What I have told all of you and it still is!

[ummita]

Mr Guest..................I am so behind u. I just can understand why why why why why why why why cnt these hausa ppl learn & store it in d bck of their brainz dat "juss cus u broke up doesnt mean ur buddy cnt hit it off wit ur EX"

Is it a taboo? NO!
Is it a crime? NO!
Is it forbidden in Islam? Definately NOT!

Three questions above & if they all proved POSITIVE  den I c no reason why a soul sista cnt date her freinz EX or a soul brotha not datin his EX's freind. And mostly d annyoin ansa dem hausa will give u is "ai its not fair or its rashin mutunci or eatin amana"! Duh!!!  which amana did d person eat? Was it not afta he dumped or trashed or broke up wit her dat sum1 decided 2 pick up & dust d chika 4 himself, save & treasure her? :roll:

So wats d problem there........or is it ignorance?..........If a guy broke up wit his gul & his freind picks up wats d big deal there? If it doesnt work out wit u it may work out wit him & if it dusnt work out wit me it may work out wit her!! So why cnt we continue 2 b d buddies or gulfreinz dat we eva where? Why shud it b hard 2 pass on d message & 4 d other party to assimilate & digest d news? It will b anoda wahala....Infact this kinda negatively mode of behaviour is sooooooo hausawa-like! (hiss).........

As 4 Mr Guest if u give ur salaamz 2 ur freind 3 tymz & he refuses 2 ansa u hav no Zuneeb watsoeva!
Moreso, "Another mans trash is anoda mans treasure"!!!! I wish u two all d best & juss treasure a soul sista jare!

[Hafsy_Lady]

Whoa whoa whoa, hold it up right there aka: sweet pumpkin. Yes theres nothing wrong with that. Let me pose this question to you.
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF THAT YOUR "PRINCE CHARMING" :wink:  SUDDENLY BECOMES MY BOO. OR IF YOU BROKE UP WITH GBENGA AND HE PROPOSES TO MARRY ME? HOW HAPPY CAN YOU GET :!: (Dama he has been eyeing me lovingly) :lol:

@ GUEST, I ONLY HAVE THIS TO SAY. ARE YOU SURE YOU WHERE NOT SEEING THE GIRL WHILST YOUR FREIND WAS DATING HER ASWELL? THIS SUDDEN SWOP SEEMS BAFFLING! ALTHOUGH I BELIEVE IN THE MIRACLES OF ALLAH AND EVEN THOUGH LIFE IS FULL OF SUPRISES, DATING YOUR BEST FREINDS GIRL WILL OBVIOUSLY HURT YOUR BUDDY DUK DA BA SU TARE DA CHIKAH IT. THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS THAT HE WASNT "A REAL JEALOUS GUY"

[Anonymous]

wallahi an tabo ni sosai.Actually i'm glad hafsy got back to this topic cause now that i've read it i can say how i feel without giving out my identity.Anyway i am a married woman of almost ten years and we do have kids.Just last year my man was moved to another town and i couldnt follow him for some reasontill after months.then wat does he tell me?oh mah  God!!!!!!i'm sorry but i didnt want u to hear from anyone but the rumour is that i have been married for some years now.so i asked him and he said no he is not married but she's been his mistress for years and blah blah blah.wat shud i have done?
i cried my eyes and heart out.wallahi i cried more tears the pst few months than i had in ma wholelifetime and i am not so young.Yadda naga daren haka naga ranar.okay i know  guys will be saying so wat?to me it was the ultimate betrayal.I am religious and have done my utmost to be a good wife.i was working at a job and because we were trying to make ends meet ,wat with school fees and all i sacrificed my salary every single month for us to feed and etc while he used his to feed his parents and brothers .I worked hard to keep three course meals on his table,to make everything okay.
i know u are all getting bored but i am not done yet.for the whole of my marriage i was unhappy with my man.he was never at home .he will come back and eat and will leave the house after bbc hausa service nwes -9 pm kenan ,ko?And will not come back till around 1 or 2 am.and i never complained to anyone.so now tell me how do i cope and forgive?

[Anonymous]

i said i wasnt finished.my queation is how can one forget and forgive or is it forgive and forget?now i have no trust in him and to top it all my friends knew but couldnt tell me cos it would hurt,so i was running around and all were laughing or insulting me as a foolish woman.kai!!!nayi Allah ya isa har ba a magana.but i am still married.so u guys please help.

[Twinkle]

Mrs Guest, you will read my comment on your post but it might probably upset you. But as the saying goes "truth is bitter" the truth is what am about to tell you. You are married with kids. First of all your husband has no self respect for himself, for you or for the kids you had together. If he had he would have been loyal, honest and truthful. If he really loved you he wouldnt have kept a mistress and denied your rights to knowing of such thing. As a muslim brother am sure he knows the rules and regulations of adultery. To save himself of such that why marriage plays such an important role. Now, how would he feel if his children are being pointed at saying their dad has a mistress? Happy? I doubt much! If you have been a good wife with all those good qualities you mentioned of yourself what more does he want in a woman? If he wants a wife there is a way to go about it which religion does not forbid. And if he told you am sure with you good heart you wont deny him getting a second wife!
But your man has been dogging you. You cant even think of the consequences of men who dog around :? If a man is dogging: Once a dog always a dog and he cheats on you. Once a cheater always a cheater! The most important thing is if he really feel bad about what he done, nigga would have come clean! Am not a married woman not to mention starting up a family but I am "all grown up" "mentally" to say whats right or wrong, to put a wrong brother right! Woman! you have such a good heart! Supposing he came home and found you in someone's arms am sure you would be a "goner", thats how some men are. Even though now you now you are still with him despite all his bad behaviour? Woman what are you still doing there if he is not a changed man? :o  What the most difficult part: Telling him you fed up with his bad ways? Or telling him you have beena good wife and he has been a prick? :roll:  Or telling him Islam despises men of such behaviour?  ONE THING: PLEASE GET UP AND LEAVE! With four kids, honey you are still young, because life begins at fourty. It is not easy so as to say, but you got to do the right thing. Give him his children and leave. I know its not easy letting go, because those kids are a part of you but them their dad is tearing you apart! You can still love your kids but you need to be loved as well! You are not his door mat. Ke matarsa ce ta sunnah and he owes you every Shariah obligation needed from a husband on to his wife. Idan be chanza halinshi ba, Ki rinka mishi rokon Allah and if he wont change GET UP AND LEAVE! Allah zai baki mafi alkhairi

Wasu maja ehn, allah ya sawake, and they are bitterly complaining about woman, what makes some of them any better? :roll:

[Hafsy_Lady]

Wasu maja ehn, allah ya sawake, and they are bitterly complaining about woman, what makes some of them any better? :roll:

YOU TELL'EM, GAYAMUSU DAI.

Mrs Guest, Twinkle is absolutely right. LEAVE is the only possible word. And ROKON ALLAH as Twinkle mentioned already. But you have the patience to endure all what your husband has been doing. Inda nine DUKAN TSIYA ZAN MISHI :roll: Kiyi hakuri, Inshallah God will resolve your problem, but in the time being DUKAN TSIYA ZAKIJE HAR GIDAN MISTRESS IN TASHI, KIYI MATA DUKA SHI KUMA TELL HIM YOU WILL DISGRACE HIM THREATHEN HIM SAYING YOU WILL GO TO HIS WORK PLACE AND EMBRASS HIMM, IDAN YAKI KIYI MISHI DUKA SHIMA. Man trampling on your feet and letting him off the chains that easily :roll:

[kitkat]

Wasu maja ehn, allah ya sawake, and they are bitterly complaining about woman, what makes some of them any better? :roll:

YOU TELL'EM, GAYAMUSU DAI.

Mrs Guest, Twinkle is absolutely right. LEAVE is the only possible word. And ROKON ALLAH as Twinkle mentioned already. But you have the patience to endure all what your husband has been doing. Inda nine DUKAN TSIYA ZAN MISHI :roll: Kiyi hakuri, Inshallah God will resolve your problem, but in the time being DUKAN TSIYA ZAKIJE HAR GIDAN MISTRESS IN TASHI, KIYI MATA DUKA SHI KUMA TELL HIM YOU WILL DISGRACE HIM THREATHEN HIM SAYING YOU WILL GO TO HIS WORK PLACE AND EMBRASS HIMM, IDAN YAKI KIYI MISHI DUKA SHIMA. Man trampling on your feet and letting him off the chains that easily :roll:

Mrs Guest I have 2 words for you. "Get Real"!!

Kiji tsoron Allah kiji tsoron shawarar yan Destinys Child fan club.

Your husband f***ed up big time, he owned up , you rode the proverbial emotional roller coaster and now its time to face the reality of the situation and get on with your life. Your husband is probabaly wracked with guilt right now so it may be the best time to have a long serious chat, reappriase the ground rules in the house and squeeze out some concessions while youve got him over a barrel.  

Get him to commit to some time with the family etc etc. Sometimes couple slips into a false sense of well being with no "real" communication until something major like this happens. Milk the opportunity for all its worth and think of your kids and your future.

Ku kuma yan taratsi wai har da wani "leave is the only option" sai ka ce ku kuka sama mata mijin. Mrs guest life does not begin at 40 for the average woman especially with 4 kids. Its a jungle out there and thats probably how your man got into this mess in the 1st place. A man can only resisit so much temptation. And if you do decide to take your chances, guess who your compettition will be? The Twinkles and the Hafsys of this world, young, free, trim and childless and representin like theres no tommorow, with their only worries being getting the latest girl power single or maybe that darned exam that they havent read for but still want to pass. You've been down that road nearly two decades ago and the rules have changed believe me!!

Ke kuma Hafsy me cewa a yi dukan tsiya, how do you know the mistress is not of oturkpo or ijaw extraction with biceps the size of small yams? Kada a garin dealing with her a je a fada wani hali fa?  

So there you have it, forgive the poor chap and give him a chance to redeem himself. Keep an eye on him and look inwards to see if there's something you're doing or no longer doing that helped to push him over the abyss. Not that there has to be anything, like I said its a jungle out there and Wallahi duk wanda bai fada hannun yan matan yanzu ba to Allah ne kawai ya cheche shi ba dabararsa ba.

Guys may be dogging it out there but you'll agree with me that theres a whole lotta bit*h*n going on  too!!

[Anonymous]

Thank you to all of you for your advice.I am quite relieved that i was able to bare ma soul out.Kun san an ce a problem shared is a problem halved.
By the way i dont rememer having told you my age and the number of kids i have.I am just 30 this year and only two kids.so there you are .I still have youth on my side ko?
Prayers kam ina yi sosai so zan ci gaba.I am thinking of how to make my life better.By the way kitkat you man or woman?you made me really think.Am i ready 2 start all over again?Some times they say better the devil you know than the one you dont.
Thank you all of you.

[_Waziri_]

I scarsely come around this chit-chat forum only for me to see these few later posts thisday. I believe some reasonable voice should be heard always around here so that a serious damage may not be incurred when a very serious issue like the complaints by guest is being treated.

I think I can speak on this kind of problem with some degree of presicion. I belong to an extented family of nothing less than 1949 people, from executives to messengers in their working places, ploiticians and business people  of all walks of life. Everybody among my family members will relate his/her problems to me without feeling he/she is speaking with a stranger. This put me in a position where I see the real things of our social life the way they are.

Kitkak has done very well in this regard and I strongly urge Madam to follow strictly the letters of  her/his advise. I really wonder what is wrong with men these days but true to God if you should just leave that man the chances are 70% percent that you would get to fall in the hands of HE who is WORST than him.

You maybe just 30 and with only 2 kids but the truth remains that after leaving that man the next man at your doorstep is that one who will marry you believing you to be a frustrated woman whom he is redeeming. Whatever the case may be you are only a second class woman who is finding a refuge in him( at least that will always remain in his mind and it signals greater danger).

Yes, tis a jungle out here as Kitkat would say. The women are just terrible. We come across them in our offices everyday. They stop us on the streets to ask for twenty naira inspite of the heart punching looks and intimidating carriage they take along with them. It really needs an extra faith pure from God of all to resist their kind offers. This is the reason why I always advice yound men to stay virgin until they marry for atleast it will make it easy for them to restrict themselves to their wives since they do not have experience anywhere.

Finally, on the good things you do to the family keep it up do not relent. It is Allah that will pay you who says good Muslims are the ones who say: "Inna Nud'imukum li wajhilllahi la nuriidu minkum jazaan wala shukura", meaning" We feed you only for God's sake, we need not reciprocation from you nor do we need you to thank us"

Also in marriage God oblige on us to be kind to one another. This does not mean we be kind only when our partners are kind to us, no we be kind and continue to be kind for it is only Allah that can pay us back for it is His commands we obey.

Finally, if a man cheats on a woman or a woman cheat on her man the truth of it all is that man or woman is commiting sin against God ne kawai not commmiting sin against his / her partner. And Allah says: "...Waqma anta Alaihim bi Nazir...", meaning, "...You are not a watcher over them..."

So stay calm and discharge your duties approprietly until God brings about the best way out for you for He promise saying : "Wallazina Jahaduuufina, Lanahdiyannahum subulana... , meaning, "Those who strive in our way, we open up pathways for them".

Madam, continue to strive in the way of Allah, Allah will surely fulfill His promise for you and for all of us who desire peace and consolation.

[/b]

[Anonymous]

I scarsely come around this chit-chat forum only for me to see these few later posts thisday. I believe some reasonable voice should be heard always around here so that a serious damage may not be incurred when a very serious issue like the complaints by guest is being treated.

I think I can speak on this kind of problem with some degree of presicion. I belong to an extented family of nothing less than 1949 people, from executives to messengers in their working places, ploiticians and business people  of all walks of life.

[/b]

mhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Jama'a to waye voice dinshi or dinta is voice is unreasonable? Nice contribution anyway

[_Waziri_]

Well, I really am not interested in pointing fingers at some posters. I am most interested in the topic and the likely action that the one seeking for the advice is likely to take after this discourse. One suprising thing is how the poster before me is not tasked for taking a position with references that are most obvious.

Anyway, I pray we are not out to get unto some people. For me, I really  am sorry, for if you find my reference to some unreasonable voice here offensive, I apologise but hope this guest to be different from the guest who asked for the counsel.

[Twinkle]

LOL @ GUEST. Allah sarki, Please leave our waziri alone. ALLAH SARKI DI BAWAN ALLAH IS APOLOGISING. What a good guy. If it was that pesky guy HE WOULDNT But the nice guy Waziri is, is already apologising for a minor thing! Please ignore the Guest, your contribution is absolutely great.

@ KITKAT Nidai I will say it again despite the way you labelled my opinion :D  "as destiny's child fan club" I will still say it again, "IF SHE CANT STAY WITH THE MAN, AND HE AINT CHANGING HIS WAY" then that communication aint gonna work. Sau nawa zata yi mishi magana? TALKING WILL NOT PUT SENSE INTO HIM. She should @L" with a capital
L-EAVE. If at all, she cant get a grip any longer. IF SHE KNOWS SHE IS BOUND TO SUFFER! Bound to slip. GOOOOOOOOOO HOMEEEEEEE Period.

Kitkat wani irin time for commitment with family, The commitment is that, instead he is using the time for committment with the mistress!!! Real communication? A man who is old to have two kids is old enough to knock some sense into himself. In the first place only a man with normal number 6 will marry and raise a family. Ko ka taba ganin mahaukaci yayi aure? Unless if he is on some sort of rehab! So if Mrs Guest's Hubby doesnt change when will he ever change? Uhmmm..... let me see, when he clicks age 90yrs? She said she got respect, love and affection for her man but that doesnt mean she should suck up his doggy ways. Excuse me.....she is a human being not a Muppet! Dont get me wrong, I said she should keep praying for his ways to change. If he doesnt what should she do? Sit at home and wait till he comes home from his stand-by mistress? Probably, the mistress also have other homelords paying her visit. And urrr.......kitkat, should I say this? There so many things referred as "communicable diseases" of different types and we all know the big "A" don't we? And ohhhhhhhh need I mention a sweet sister is at home holding his fort, loving him and caring for him and crying out her heart for him to stop acting low! Thats Mrs Guest right? And you are here saying he is maybe Guilty? Hell yah he is! If he wasnt he wont be acting that way. Because uhmmm...urrr let me see! Oh yeah! he took a young woman from her parents home, tying a knot, promising and taking an oath that he will cater, serve her right and love her. Marriage is such a big thing you know. Abu kadan mutum zai iya shiga halak and a smile on your wifes face can send you to paradise! So hanyar shiga aljanna is not only under a husband right leg. Righteous to your wife counts a great deal!!! She gave him kids and her own oath is still entwined to his, but he has entangled is part being a nuisance! Humans are meant to be patient which is a virtue, but patience also has its limits. She might have swallowed the fattest bone for too long now! And oh.... about age begining @ 40. Yes it does! A divorced woman and a young girl makes no difference to a MAN WHO KNOWS ALLAHS RULES! She can always re-marry. Isnt it men that are degrading the status of a divorced woman? Apart from that what makes her any different to me? Apart from the fact that Mrs guest is married, with two children and having marital problems and she has tried so many solutions which doesnt seem to help. Apart from that she is a woman just LIKE MEEEEEEEEE. If I also want that. I will just carry my phone and dial that number which is on fast dial (and say to him, am ready lets get married) and without hesitating he will do it, ko yau nace. Children? And if he starts acting the way Mrs Guest hubyy, does and am suffering. Thats riggggh.....he is hitting the freeway, or am packing out! I will seek guidance from the Shariah Judges, to declare the marriage annulled if I CANT COPE! So she is nothing different from me. She is a girl, a woman, a female. I am a girl, a female a woman!!! So whether ta taba aure or not, whether she has children from another marriage dont make no difference. Duk na mijin kwarai wont hesitate to marry her with her excellent behaviour if she keeps up to it. Its just the way SOME selfish men like categorising women from other women! So what makes you think she cant get a FAR, FAR, FAR, FAR, FAR, FAR more better hubby that then first one? Uhmmm......he is the only man available? Absolutely NOT! We have so many women married and out of their marital home who have good grounds for their marriages breaking up. Isnt it same category of men that look down on them? Abeg age aint nothing but a number it wont stop her getting married again.
Kitkat, nothing like girl power here, Don Allah kayi hakuri Kitkat but am turning the tables round to ask you one question. With uttermost due respect to your parents, SUPPOSINGGGG, FOR INSTANCE, MISALIIIIII (before you kill me) If your dad was treating your mum that way, and he doesnt seem to listen and mehz sure your mum has a good heart doesnt she? If your dad was treating her trash, what will you do. Just tell her to swallow, ignore, or fashy it? So she should stay up everyday still 2:00am waiting for him to come back from his mistress to have a real communication? Oh pluzeeeeeee. Am sure NOT! Am not making any accusations to you or Mrs Guest but abeg reason smo naaaa!! So what is one word you would refer to a married woman who goes to brothel or brings men not of her Muharram to her room? So she will be called a whore ko? Amman its ok for a man to do that right? OPEN YER EYER AND VISION THIS WOMANS SITUATION CLEARLY? Haba! All di intelligent sense wey you gather kitkat? T'work it up mana!
I said she should pray and if she cant handle it she can seek help from the sheiks and if it has reached a bad xtend am sure her parents will say. Ya isa irin wahalan da yar mu take sha. And His father can anull his marriage. Now will all these. Where can this poor woman seek solace? HABA! it aint fair.

Kitkat is there saying destinys child, girl power. I appreciate the fact that you have made some FANTASTIC point kitkat and I do agree with you but Mennnnnnnnn........ you have to be a woman to know a woman's pain.
Bari naje na sha ruwan sanyi. Infact am taking a break to have a kitkat :D . I be back.

[Hafsy_Lady]

SECONDED! Twinkle SHINEEEEE ON :P

You guys should note that, it also boils down to attitudes of some typical hausa men. They dont like the idea of "peace keeping talks" It just gotta be their way. Also they feel since they are the boss they dont like being advised or talked upon, especially when they are at wrong. Some Hausa Men that are so full of their selves, mhmmm. Akwai maza masu aure wanda girman kansu yayi yawa. Common to apologise for a mistake to his wife, is wahala! Talkless of him sitting down and negociating on how to substitute his unjust behaviour for a good one! (Point of notification, 'ehn get no common sense ne :roll: ? Ba zai iya ma kanshi fada ba?) Like Twinkle said: If he doest change his game, right there and then, when will he ever do so? For SOME typical hausa men, even when they are guilty, they will never confess and seek forgiveness. Infact when the woman wants to talk about that issue which is causing a threath to her matrimonial home, that is disrespect to the husband. If ya know what I mean :roll:  But I think it MIGHT help if they also seek counselling, or as Kitkat said if she holds "peace talk" with her husband.Hopefully it will walk. If not then WHAT WILL SHE DO KITKAT?  :evil:   :D  She's good to go.
As a matter of factly Kitkat, Ni I hate destiny's child on a serious level fa!

My dear Mrs Guest I will pray for you inshallah everything will work out. God is with you. BUTTTTTT (saying out loud) IF YOU STILL DONT FEEL RIGHT ABOUT YOUR MAN'S BEHAVIOUR :twisted:  YOU KNOW WHERE THE DOOR'S AT HONEY!!