How long should courtship last?

[Anonymous]

Meetah, ur posts here got me thinking and I had 2 read it again!!!! I salute the depth of ur thinking and strong wordings!! I must also mention that truly there are still some living creatures ( espcially men) who will whole heartedly love HITLER ( permit me to borrow ur wordings) and ofcourse can prove able to love in a relationship. And I ahve no doubt that there is such a man knocking ur door to sacrifice everything just 2 love you.................

[Barde]

i

Waz.......I dont think sacrifice is the bond that keeps relationships working.....because from the standpoint of pure reason, there are no good grounds 2 support d claim that one should sacrifice one's own happiness to that of others!!!

WAZIRI self-sacrifice enables us 2 sacrifice other ppl without blushing.......so wat makes u think if u can sacrifice ur life & fate 2 d gurl of ur dreams........she wont sacrifice u up 4 another man????

Trust is enough 4 a person in a relationship 2 go 2 d extend of sacrifice. Wud u sacrifice (.....lets say......those huge sum of money u hav instored in ur account 2 ur gurl) without half knowin whether she cares enough let alone trust, talkless of her makin sacrifices 4 ur sake!!?

2 luv some1 is 2 isolate him from d world, wipe out every race of him, dispossess him of his shadow, drag him in2 murdereous future. It is a circle around d other like a dead star & absorb him in2 a black light.......
if luv cud du all these...........wud u makes those sacrifices?

Marriage on d other hand is a wonderful invetion; but then again, so is a bicycle repair kit..........cuz gettin marriage is like the begining of endless arguments........




Even wen Allah subhanawata'ala gave strict injuction that both parties should remain kind 2 each other. U tell me how many ppl r still followin this rule? How many men r obeyin these words of ALLAH? How many fateful, loyal & trust worthy men r still remain on these earth?

Why would someone dwell in2 courtin either relationship talkless of marriage givin their life & fate! wen on d other hand........not d other party is willin 2 du so 4 eternity. U know wen LOVE OR MARRAIGE really works!!!! it only works only in d beginin stages of courtin.....d lovers absense stimulates ur imagination, forming a sort of aura around him or her. But this aura fades wen u know too much wen ur imagination no longer has room like anyone else, a person whose presence is taken 4 granted. Hence if a woman sacrfices all 4 marraige or relationship, putin her life & fate! which is also a sacrifice on its own........if d man b'cums so used 2 her sacrifices he wont no longer c it that way but will obviously take it 4 granted

One more thing, 4 all those talkin bout love & relationship..........if anybody cant love HITLER, then they cant love & show love at all in a relationship!!!!!

kai this topic sef...from onwards I will remain :-X :-X(she laffs)

Ummita,that's a good one, i agree with all what you said but you are too bias on one thing, is it only men that are not keeping to what Allah subhanahuwata'ala has enjoin us on marriage?....Haba you have to be fair enough, as there are thousands of men who disregard norms of marriage,so also there are thousand and one women who do worse than men,you have to be fair enough on your judgement.

[Waziri]

Waz.......I dont think sacrifice is the bond that keeps relationships working.....because from the standpoint of pure reason, there are no good grounds 2 support d claim that one should sacrifice one's own happiness to that of others!!!

Yes u may be right Ummita, but know dat we r humanbeings there 4 everything should have limit, I mean d sacrifice am talking bout.

But then even if u cannot sacrifice ALL OF ur happiness 4 others at least u find urself doing little sacrifices 4 those around u... Even if u don't do it conciously u certainly find urself doing it if u check ur self thoroughly. It is a case of he who couldn't  do "Sharan masallaci amma yanayin na Kasuwa"... get d logic?

Now, on a more serious note. U be more happy in life when u consider it 2 b a matter of being d right person instead of getting d right person...


I mean in dis life, d pleasure in giving is more than d pleasure in taking.

u know why?

If u consider life or social interaction to mean solely an affair of reciprocation u will then land in serious trouble because ppl will never ever reciprocate.

Instead it is better 4 1 2 have a paradigm dat will allow him 2 see him self giving always than taking. I think dat will be safer and dat is why I see my self LIVING 4 OTHERS instead of demanding them 2 live 4 me.

And dat is why all I care is to give ppl fair treatment not minding whether they give me or not. Yes, knowing  fully that even if I  mind they will never ever give me fair treatment.

[Waziri]

Even wen Allah subhanawata'ala gave strict injuction that both parties should remain kind 2 each other. U tell me how many ppl r still followin this rule? How many men r obeyin these words of ALLAH? How many fateful, loyal & trust worthy men r still remain on these earth?

Why would someone dwell in2 courtin either relationship talkless of marriage givin their life & fate! wen on d other hand........not d other party is willin 2 du so 4 eternity. U know wen LOVE OR MARRAIGE really works!!!! it only works only in d beginin stages of courtin.....d lovers absense stimulates ur imagination, forming a sort of aura around him or her. But this aura fades wen u know too much wen ur imagination no longer has room like anyone else, a person whose presence is taken 4 granted. Hence if a woman sacrfices all 4 marraige or relationship, putin her life & fate! which is also a sacrifice on its own........if d man b'cums so used 2 her sacrifices he wont no longer c it that way but will obviously take it 4 granted

One more thing, 4 all those talkin bout love & relationship..........if anybody cant love HITLER, then they cant love & show love at all in a relationship!!!!!

kai this topic sef...from onwards I will remain :-X :-X(she laffs)

Just do ur own part and try as much as possible 2 make ur "body system" or dis time around "soul system" 2 be resistant 2 external agression of any sort. in bolder terms im saying: "Do not allow your own happiness 2 spring from and only from d kind of treatment u get from those around u".

1 must learn 2 be response-able. Yes, have some response-ability. That means the ability to control ur own responses to the happenings around u.

Ummita, love and marriage works. U see it takes nothing more than what Mahatma Gandhi, your hero did; He used the power of d soul 2 attract ppl 2 himself.

Why would'nt u just do dat? Don't u think u can make an atmosphere be lively? Don't u think u can make others happy? Don't u think u can make others LIKE U?

Yes, if u can make others like u then you can make dem do things dat will make u happy. And dat is why I think d happiness or otherwise in ur marriage is in ur hand, u give it life, u give it fate.

Ummita dat is wher d sacrifice has 2 come, when u always have 2 try 2 make ur patner happy, and it is when u stop triyng 2 do so u will find ur self in trouble. The patner may get used 2 ur sacrifices but eventually when u stop u land in trouble.

[Hafsy_Lady]

Babban magana/ Ummita and Waziri this is surely one heated issue. I so agree with both responses. But personally I dont think courtship really last upto marraige. Because during the couritng it is then you find out about your similarities and differences between two ppl, now it is also in this stage that alot of arguments arise leading to seperation. Some people merely get bored off in the relationship, and they will obviously go for a change!!! So I dont really think courtship really works in a relationship not to mention when it is to do with northerners...mhmm tabdijan!!!

Finally, BARDE I will have to say thumbs up for a n interesting topic. This is by far among the inetesting topic. Irin wanna ai kaa buda mana basira yakeyi kada ma ace su mallam Waziri da malama Ummita! :P Keep it up Barde

[Anonymous]

Salam 2 ya all,
Reading most of the replies on this interseting topic I went 2 bed wondering what exactly has been my idea of a courtship. In my simple mind, courtship has for a very long time referred to a way of getting to know each other. Period.
Although I have no idea hw long it should last for a fact that it will very well depend on the two partners. If the man and woman are OPEN, then I think courtship should not last for too long. Otherwise, it will last for years and there will always be something new to learn thus as 1/2sy mentioned one party will get bored or tired and call it quit.
Basically, there ain't a special period termed as such ( in Hausa/Fulani) but then that period a man meets a woman until when they gets to marry could be defined as their courtship period.
Truly the length of time covered in a courtship might not matter if there is faithfulness, mutual understanding, and patiance in the relationship.
To a very large percentage of the norhern people only cultural or economical situations brings about lenthgy courtship, otherwise tehre have been marriages under just about few days and it has worked. So also, a five years old relationship or more has worked splendidly.
Thus, no matter how long courtship should last and end up successful; One will hardly remember...
I strongly feel that courtship is an important tool in any relationship. For I wonder how painful it will be to starts knowing ur wife's true colour while she's already in ur house, for any decisions rendered as solution to those findings would be deadly. Same with the woman; I mean how could she live with a hubby that unfolds new attitude every blessed day. definatley the house will be like hell.
Importantly, if during the courtship one person decide he/she cannot continue with the relationship, then he/she quits with minimal damage or hurt two the two hearts.

[Barde]

Babban magana/ Ummita and Waziri this is surely one heated issue. I so agree with both responses. But personally I dont think courtship really last upto marraige. Because during the couritng it is then you find out about your similarities and differences between two ppl, now it is also in this stage that alot of arguments arise leading to seperation. Some people merely get bored off in the relationship, and they will obviously go for a change!!! So I dont really think courtship really works in a relationship not to mention when it is to do with northerners...mhmm tabdijan!!!

Finally, BARDE I will have to say thumbs up for a n interesting topic. This is by far among the inetesting topic. Irin wanna ai kaa buda mana basira yakeyi kada ma ace su mallam Waziri da malama Ummita! :P Keep it up Barde

1/2_sy
Nagode kwarai,May Allah continue to shower us with his blessings.Amin.

[Anonymous]

Yallabai Barde, I will also have to say this is a very good topic.

I am actually speechless......Ummita you!!!!? :o I dont think I will have a say now but I will try.
Ummita my Godchild I was planning to marry you off soon. but our comments left me thinking !!!!
I will lay back and see where you & Waziri will end this. Both have strong facts.

Mallam Kameel you are aboslutely right. and I strongly agree with Hafsy. Courtships dont last because by the time  a man and a woman spend a month or so they will start getting fed up of each other. I personally dont like courthing, I have courted alot and am bored with the whole thing,  ;D But without courting how are we sure (we the men) we are getting hooked up with the right girl or a dome to wahala :-/?

[Gimbiya]

l-papi,
without courting how are we sure(females) are hooking up with the right man. there's something that's call infactuation and this usually happen the first couple of month in courting and after a while you will see that the way you felt before totally change, but when the real thing come you feel that everyday you are getting deeper into the sea than before that's when you will start realizing that he or she might be "the one". so to finalize my point I think people should be together for a bit while 9month to a year to make sure that they didn't get married while they are infactuated.

peace out,
--Gimbiya

[ummita]

l but when the real thing come you feel that everyday you are getting deeper into the sea than before that's when you will start realizing that he or she might be "the one". --Gimbiya

She laffs & laffs again...Gimbiya kenan!(the lady can defineeeeee ;)!!!)

Ok, ok!!!!! Ladies Papi....If any party in a relationship shud start getin bored in d middle of their courtship..........they  were  neva in luv anywa? So wats d poin of courtin if both knew they wud turn out 2 b bored with each other?

& Waz.......dont get me wrong....of course we have 2 make each other...happy even not 4 d sake of lov, but 4 d sake of Islam.....wen I meant we shudnt sacrifice happiness....blah blah & blah I meant wen it cums 2 issues concernin relationship....where one party does not put faith & sacrifice. Now u tell me, then wats d point of sacrificin ur happiness........wen u know 4 a fact that wat u will receive bck aint happiness>?! I can make sooooooo many sacrifices & I hav actually done alot....& it came with gurantee that they were happy.

On d other hand, LOVE & MARRIAGES dont cum with guarantees.......u cant fynd them in d heart of ur lover, let alone ur lover assurin u that. So whether two lovers court or not....there isnt any guarantee whether they wud b 2gether 4 eternity....xcept in d will of Allah

[dfynest]

So whether two lovers court or not....there isnt any guarantee whether they wud b 2gether 4 eternity....xcept in d will of Allah

na true you talk my sister.

[Twinkle]

The only people that worry about love and marriage are men!  ::)Anyway it is their responsibility to start courting & finally to seek a girls hand in marriage, but that depends if she agree or not. Men wuna dey try wo ;D

[Anonymous]

Yah right!! Amma ance hannu daya baya daukan jinka ko twinkle? Wel, no m,an will be successful in his efforts to win a woaman's heart without her help or total support. A kind word might heal a wound, a harsh word will rekindle a burning heart. A gentle word will sooth a worried mind; so da grls ahve a little to do too...

[Barde]

The only people that worry about love and marriage are men! ?::)Anyway it is their responsibility to start courting & finally to seek a girls hand in marriage, but that depends if she agree or not. Men wuna dey try wo ;D

Haba ke kuwa twinkle,how can you say such a thing,don't you know that nowadays there are women who ask men out?infact women worry about marriage more than men,girls normally have peak periods, as soon as a girl reaches the age of say 20-30 she will start panicking some even go as far as visiting malaman zaure for a husband but a man can stay as long as he wishes and gets married to a woman of his choice as soon as he is ready for the marriage.

[Gimbiya]

The only people that worry about love and marriage are men! ?::)Anyway it is their responsibility to start courting & finally to seek a girls hand in marriage, but that depends if she agree or not. Men wuna dey try wo ;D

it's really funny to hear you said that Twinkle. I think in our society nowadayz the woman should care more about love and marriage because there's possiblity of itace za a bari cikin heartache and baccin rai. men should also care but most of them don't.