Make Me Laugh!

[Dave McEwan Hill]

A farmer is worried that his bull is not doing the business with his cows so he goes to the vet who gives him some powder to feed the bull. The farmer mixes it up with the bulls feed and gives it to it. The next day the bull is rampaging about the field mounting every cow it can catch.
The farmer next door notices this and a few days later he comes round and asks the first farmer what he is feeding the bull.
" I don't know what it is called" says the first farmer "but it tastes a bit like chocolate!"

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[HUSNAA]

Hi Dave!! Long time no write.. I only ever see u browsing the forum these days.. if to say una no dey write, we for put yr name for 'cigiya 'yan uwa' for as far as wetin consine una consine us as una sef be white northern nigerian (ko kuwa?)

(Sorry for my atrocious pidgin english) 

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[Dave McEwan Hill]

I'm still here and I visit daily. Every time however that I bring up a subject which some on this forum find hard to deal with (as I did on the item on Northern prostitution and my experieces on the matter as VC of a female college) there is a deafening silence following it.
Wallahi, there are some bad things in the North that everybody wants to avoid facing up to.

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[*~MuDa~*]

Hey Dave, i have to ask the same question, where have u been? About the excerpt, i will like to read it myself, show me where it is, thankxx.

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[Dave McEwan Hill]

Mudacris
Posted on the General Board on 9th July in response to a serious concern by Al Nazeer on " Northern Nigerian Girls and Prostitution". Not a pleasant read.
Dave

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[Dave McEwan Hill]

And a rude joke..................

Man goes to plastic surgeon. Is concerned about the tiny size of his manhood and asks the doc if there is anything he can do about it.
Doc tells him " I have friend who is vet. If you're prepared to pay me $10,000 and keep what I am offering a secret we can give you a big transplant."
Man agrees and goes into the operation. When he wakes up he has indeed a huge thingy.
"From a donkey" confesses the doctor. " Give it a week to get properly fixed and then try it out. Let us know how it works."
A fortnight later the man arrives back to see the doctor.
"Well?" says the doctor.
"It's g-g-g-g-great" says the man. " My w-w-w-ife and my g-g-g-irl f-f-friends thinks it ma-ma-ma-marvelous. Only p-p-p-problem is I've now g-g-g-ot this terrible st-st-st-stutter. I'm a senior le-le-le-lecturer. I'll have to have it off again!"
He goes in for reverse operation.
A fortnight passess and the man arrives back again at the doc's surgery.
" I've decided to give up my job as a senior lecturer and get that donkey's thinggy stitched back on again" he suggests to the doctor/

"To-to-to-too l-l-l-late" says the doctor.

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[IBB]

ha ha

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[HUSNAA]

Judging by the blue jokes that are so ubiquitous in this thread, I think it shouldnt be called make me laugh. It should be called the blue corner..

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[*~MuDa~*]

Lol... Bad man Dave..lol

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[*~MuDa~*]

This is funny but a little bit blue...sorry

Go To Work

Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomachache and my legs hurt. I not come work."

The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I can go to work. You should try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

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[*~MuDa~*]

THis one is completly blue free...enjoy

Wrong Expression

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."

"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.

"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"

"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."

"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"

So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.

"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."

"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."

Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!”

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[bakangizo]

I think it shouldnt be called make me laugh...

Huh? Blue or red, they still make us laugh

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[bakangizo]

Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!”

Wayyo, wannan ya shiga uku

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[IBB]

APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:...........................

I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest authority in my life for the following period:
Time of return: ..........   Date: ........ Time of departure: ............ NOT to exceed: ...........

Should permission be granted, I do solemnly swear to only visit the locations stated below, at the stated times. I agree to refrain from hitting on or flirting with other women. I shall not even speak to another female, except as expressly permitted in writing below. I will not turn off my mobile after two pints, nor shall I consume above the allowed volume of alcohol without first phoning for a taxi AND calling you for a verbal waiver of said alcohol allowance. I understand that even if permission is granted to go out, my girlfriend/fiancé/wife retains the right to be pissed off with me the following week for no valid reason whatsoever.

Amount of alcohol allowed (units): Beer.....  Wine......... Liquor ........ Total ..........

Locations to be visited:
Location:......... From:...... To:.......
Location:......... From:...... To:.......
Location:......... From:...... To:.......

Females with whom conversation is permitted: ..................................................

IMPORTANT – STRIPPER CLAUSE: Not withstanding the female contact permitted above, I promise to refrain from coming within one hundred (100) feet of a stripper or exotic dancer. Violation of this Stripper Clause shall be grounds for immediate termination of the relationship.

I acknowledge my position in life. I know who wears the trousers in our relationship, and I agree it’s not me. I promise to abide by your rules & regulations. I understand that this is going to cost me a fortune in chocolates & flowers. You reserve the right to obtain and use my credit cards whenever you wish to do so. I hereby promise to take you on an unlimited shopping spree, should I not return home by the approved time. On my way home, I will not pick a fight with any stranger, nor shall I conduct in depth discussions with the said entity. Upon my return home, I promise not to urinate anywhere other than in the toilet. In addition, I will refrain from waking you up, breathing my vile breath in your face, and attempting to breed like a (drunken) rabbit.
I declare that to the best of my knowledge (of which I have none compared to my BETTER half), the above information is correct.

Signed - Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:...................

Request is: APPROVED......... DENIED..............

This decision is not negotiable. If approved, cut permission slip below and carry at all times.
...……………………………………………………………………………………………………………....................
Permission for my boyfriend/fiancé/husband to be away for the following period of time:
Date:.......... Time of departure:........ Time of return:..........

Signed – Girlfriend/Fiancé/Wife:.............................

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[IBB]

APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE GIRLS

Name of Girlfriend/Fiancé/Partner/Wife:.....................................

I’m going out.

Signed: (me) _____________________________

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