Make Me Laugh!

[*~MuDa~*]

Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate. St. Peter says, "OK, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe."

So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.

The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.

So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys say in unison, "How did you land with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?"

He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them." She says to the first two guys, "I lied."

[IBB]

lol he must be really ug.. then ko?

[gogannaka]

Wani labari naji a taskar labarai na gidan rediyon kano.
Wai there's this place in lagos where weed is sold and
people including police and military officers purchase
their weed there.
One day one captain went to buy his own regular. When
he smoked it he realised it wasn't strong.On observation
he realised that the 'alaye' boy sold him bitter leaf(shuwaka)
LOL....so he tried to catch the boy but he couldn't.The next
day soldiers were sent in their troops brandishing sophisticated
weapons and the market was cleared. Movement is prohibited
in the entire area now and anyone caught trespassing was given
9 lashes and like 30 mins frog-jump.

LOL,Bitter leaf i wonder how it tatses if smoked. :D :D :D

[*~MuDa~*]

Hahaha thats gud for them, very funny indeed, bitter leaf! kai, am sure the captain had a very nasty coughing session with bulging red eyes...lol!

[*~MuDa~*]

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors downa highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little oldlady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefullymunches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on hisshoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.   
She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asksthe little old lady, ' why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?'.
'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'
The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.

[gogannaka]

LOL.
Ya sha saliva.

[IBB]

lol. ya sha miyau inji yan Jigawa

[Dave_McEwan_Hill]

The Perils of Senility

An old couple invited another old couple round for a meal.
After the meal the two wives went through to the kitchen to wash the dishes etc.
The two old men were sitting talking.
"That was a lovely meal you put out for us" said the first.
" Thanks" said the other "My wife is a good cook.  We had a lovely meal last week in a restaurant in town."
" Oh" said the second  "If you recommend it so much maybe we'll go there for a meal. What was the name of the restaurant?"
" Damn it" replied the first man " Can't remember its name. I'm getting a very poor memory in my old age..... What do you call that flower with the read velvety petals, green stem and thorns?"
" Rose?" replied the second.
First man calls through to his wife  " Rose, what was the name of that restaurant we went to last week?"

[Dave_McEwan_Hill]

A sick joke

A cruise liner sank and there were three survivers - two guys and a girl - who were washed up on a desert island.
After a while they started doing what it is natural for guys and girls to do.
However the girl began to feel guilty about having casual sex with two different men and she became very depressed and commited suicide
The two guys helped each other through the difficult time and eventuallythey began to do things that men sometimes do in this kind of difficult circumstance.
But then after a couple of years they begans to feel guilty about what they were doing also
....so they buried her

[HUSNAA]

Ugh.......what puke!

[IBB]

Ohh!

[gogannaka]

I don't get it.
They were eating dead meat?
eew

[IBB]

Not with their mouth but ..........

[gogannaka]

A young Jamaican father-to-be awakened the village doctor in the middle of the night saying "Doc! Doc! Come fas nuh! Is muh wife man! She water dun brek man! She bout to born de chile!" The doctor came over and told the father "Hold de lamp higher! Hold de lamp higher nuh!" The father obliged, and behold, a baby's cry was soon heard. The father cried out: "Praise de Lard! A boy! I's de proud fadduh of A baby boy!"

The doctor again told the father, "Hold de lamp higher! Hold de lamp highernuh man!". The father again complied, and to be sure, another cry was heard.The father excitedly proclaimed: "Is twins!! I got twins! I's doubly blessed! Glory be to God!"

The doctor instructed, "Hold de lamp higher! Hold de lamp higher nuh!" Sure enough, a THIRD cry was heard! The father, somewhat subdued, in a nervous tone, muttered, "Oh. Thank ya Jesus."

The doctor repeated, "Hold de lamp higher!. Hold de lamp higher nuh man!", and a short while yet a FOURTH cry was heard. The father said nothing, being lost in deep thought.

The doctor for a fifth time commanded "Hold de lamp higher man! Hold the lamp higher nuh!"
The father then asked; "Doc, yuh tink maybe is de light dat attractin' dem?"

[Dan-Borno]

 ;D  ;D   ;D