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Make Me Laugh!

Started by bakangizo, May 04, 2005, 04:02:01 PM

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HUSNAA

#195
Quote from: Dave McEwan Hill on March 06, 2007, 11:21:04 PM
Should children witness childbirth?




  Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't  have crawled in there in the
  first
  place......smack his ass  again!"


Lol that was funny!!! hehehe!!
BK's Italian joke is rib cracking as well!!!
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

precious

If Adam and Eve were Chinese,we would all still be in Heaven.
They would've eaten the snake and not the apple.

HUSNAA

lol in other words, Adam and Eve were english since they ate the apple!!  ;D
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

fulanee

Quote from: kitkat on March 06, 2007, 02:01:00 AM
Quote from: precious on December 17, 2006, 10:01:31 PM
Kai! Its such a small world.I do know the Lavers family and Husnaa knows them,too.Maybe I know Husnaa,too :D

we frolicked with one ibrahim lavers back in the days although i recall he was all black not half caste!! world keeps getting smaller precious and husnaa... heh heh heh
Hollah at u all, The Lavers were my makota, one house between us. Did any of yu lived in BUK?

Dave McEwan Hill


Dave McEwan Hill

Man to old lady " Excuse me. You have suppository in your ear"
Old Woman "What?"
Man (louder) " You have suppository in your ear"
Old Woman (cupping her hand to her ear) "WHAT?"
Man (shouting) "THERE'S A SUPPOSITORY IN YOUR EAR!"
Old woman " Gosh. I wonder where I have put the ear-piece of my hearing aid."

HUSNAA

Quote from: Dave McEwan Hill on March 21, 2007, 01:40:07 AM
Man to old lady " Excuse me. You have suppository in your ear"
Old woman " Gosh. I wonder where I have put the ear-piece of my hearing aid."

Oh Lord Dave you really crack one up!! I cant stop laughing!!!
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Dan-Borno

"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

HUSNAA

Lol Dan Borno, buya kamar yaya?  :)
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Dan-Borno

The house has been lonely since Sunday
Where are the others?
"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

kitkat

From a little book called "Disorder in the Court." 
They're things people actually said in court, word for word.



    Q:  What is your date of birth?

    A:  July fifteen.

    Q:  What year?

    A:  Every year.

     ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

    A:  Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

    A: Yes.

    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

    A: I forget.

    Q: You forget.  Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  How old is your son, the one living with you?

    A:  Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

    Q:  How long has he lived with you?

    A:  Forty-five years.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?

    A:  He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

    Q:  And why did that upset you?

    A:  My name is Susan.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  And where was the location of the accident?

    A:  Approximately milepost 499.

    Q:  And where is milepost 499?

    A:  Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Sir, what is your IQ?

    A:  Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Did you blow your horn or anything?

    A:  After the accident?

    Q:  Before the accident.

    A:  Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?

    A:  Yes.

    Q:  Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?

    A:  Yes, sir.

    Q:  What did she say?

    A:  What disco am I at?

     ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about
          it until the next morning?

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

     ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Were you present when your picture was taken?

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Did he kill you?

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  You were there until the time you left, is that true?

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  How many times have you committed suicide?

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

    A:  Yes.

    Q:  And what were you doing at that time?

     ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  She had three children, right?

    A:  Yes.

    Q:  How many were boys?

    A:  None.

    Q:  Were there any girls?

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  You say the stairs went down to the basement?

    A:  Yes.

    Q:  And these stairs, did they go up also?

    --------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?

    A:  I went to Europe, Sir.

    Q:  And you took your new wife?

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  How was your first marriage terminated?

    A:  By death.

    Q:  And by whose death was it terminated?

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Can you describe the individual?

    A:  He was about medium height and had a beard.

    Q:  Was this a male, or a female?

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
          which I sent to your attorney?

    A:  No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

    A:  All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

     ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  All your responses must be oral, OK?  What school did you go to?

    A:  Oral.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

    A:  The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

    Q:  And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

    A:  No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
           autopsy.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

    A:  No.

    Q:  Did you check for blood pressure?

    A:  No.

    Q:  Did you check for breathing?

    A:  No.

    Q:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
          the autopsy?

    A:  No.

    Q:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?

    A:  Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

    Q:  But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?

    A:  It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Q:  You were not shot in the fracas?

    A:  No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.






HUSNAA

#206
Oh kitkat those were so so classic!.... i couldnt stop laughing:

Q:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
          the autopsy?

    A:  No.

    Q:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?

    A:  Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

    Q:  But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?

    A:  It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.


Oh God that was a real cracker!!!  Such scathing sarcasm from the doctor,  he's actually telling the lawyer what a dumbass he is. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D !
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

bakangizo

Study Of Regional Economics


TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally that nation
will be a danger to mankind.
You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

FRENCH ECONOMICSYou have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a
month and milk themselves.

BRITISH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
They are both mad cows.

ITALIAN ECONOMICSYou have two cows.
You don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.

SWISS ECONOMICS
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

JAPANESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and
market them worldwide.

RUSSIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.

CHINESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.

INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You worship them.


Dave McEwan Hill

Scene in Court
A man is on trial charged with assaulting and trying to rape a young a woman.
The young woman is in the dock to explain to the court and the jury what had been done to her.
The judge is prompting her gently. " Now can you tell the court what the accused said to you when he attacked you?"
The girls stutters and stammers
" I don't think I could repeat what he said to me. It is too shameful."
"Okay " says the judge " Perhaps you can write it down and we will pass it to the jury for them to read"
The girl agrees and she writes down a few sentences and passes it to the judge.
The judge reads what she has written it. It says  "Here is what that man said to me . He said he was going to rip my clothes off and then he was going to ***** my ****** and ***** my ***** and make mad love to me . "
The judge wiped his brow and passed it to the foreman of the jury.
He read it and exclaimed " Oh my God!" and passed it onto the next member of the jury. He read it and said "That's terrible" and passed in on to the next member of the jury, a very handsome young man, who also expressed shock and passed to the next member of the jury who was a young ladyy who had fallen asleep. He nudged her awake and passed her the paper. She read it, looked at the man next to her, winked at him and folded the paper up and put it in her handbag.
"Oi" said the judge.  "Take that paper out of your bag. "
"I will not" said the lady juror. " It's a personal message from this nice young man next to me."

gogannaka

Surely after suffering comes enjoyment