Author Topic: Make Me Laugh!  (Read 407786 times)

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Offline amira

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #330 on: August 21, 2007, 05:03:24 PM »
Ameen, that was a nice one mufi a real good one ;)
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Offline Mufi

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #331 on: August 21, 2007, 11:59:18 PM »
Ameen, that was a nice one mufi a real good one ;)

Thank U amira.
Life is like a flower; more exquisite and precious when shared with others.

Offline Dave McEwan Hill

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #332 on: August 22, 2007, 12:19:34 AM »
Here's a joke - some of it in Scottish dialect ( I provide translation at the bottom).

A Scottish farmer comes to a river and sees an Englishman sqauatting down and scooping water out of it in is hand to drink.
He says *"Och, mon. Ah Widnae drink that watter. It's fu o' coos keech. "
The man turns round and replies rudely " I don't understand slang foreign languages. Kindly address me in the Queen's English."
" Okay" replies the farmer " I was just saying that if you use both hands you'll be able to drink a lot more of that water."

translation " I say,sir I wouldn't drink that water. It is full of cows shit"

Offline HUSNAA

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #333 on: August 22, 2007, 10:35:34 AM »
Lol Dave! Even I would tell the rude bugger the same!!! hahaha!
coos keech how quaint!!
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Offline Dave McEwan Hill

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #334 on: August 26, 2007, 05:00:54 PM »
American tourists driving down from Jos to Kano stop at Tudun Wada Dankadai.
Trader sees them coming but has nothing much to sell so he grabs a pile of goat's shit and speads it out over the table.
American tourist approaches and asks "Gee, what are these?"
"These are special learning tablets" replies the trader "made from a ancient remedy and dried in the wholesome rays of the sun."
" Gee, how much are they?" asks the American
" 35 Naira each" replies the trader
" I'll try one" says the American, handing over a bundle of Naira and popping a "tablet" in his mouth.
" Ugh" he exclaims, spitting it out again "That tasted like goat shit!"
" See" says the trader " You're learning already!"

Offline kharuldeen

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #335 on: August 26, 2007, 11:05:35 PM »
American tourists driving down from Jos to Kano stop at Tudun Wada Dankadai.
Trader sees them coming but has nothing much to sell so he grabs a pile of goat's shit and speads it out over the table.
American tourist approaches and asks "Gee, what are these?"
"These are special learning tablets" replies the trader "made from a ancient remedy and dried in the wholesome rays of the sun."
" Gee, how much are they?" asks the American
" 35 Naira each" replies the trader
" I'll try one" says the American, handing over a bundle of Naira and popping a "tablet" in his mouth.
" Ugh" he exclaims, spitting it out again "That tasted like goat shit!"
" See" says the trader " You're learning already!"
;D ;D :Dlol.... its very funny and creative too.it shows da impractical perception of americans.

Offline HUSNAA

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #336 on: August 27, 2007, 03:50:23 AM »

                        Groggy patient on operating table is coming round, turns to nurse and says:
                        'Nurse, the doctor used a four letter word when operating on me and I am worried'.
                         Nurse surprised looks at patient and says:
                         'Oh! Really! What word did he say?'
                          Patient replied: 'He said "Oops!"
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Offline *~MuDa~*

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #337 on: August 29, 2007, 12:30:53 PM »
very funny husnaa...gaskiya u got me craqcking. Anyway check this on:

Poetry Contest

The National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate and a redneck from Texas. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “Timbuktu.”

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan;
Men on camels, two by two
Destination Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a huntin’ went.
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
...He begot not, nor is He begotten!
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Offline IBB

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #338 on: September 02, 2007, 02:13:51 AM »
Timbuktu lol. I hope odas get the joke
IHS

Offline *~MuDa~*

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #339 on: September 02, 2007, 08:04:51 PM »
Of course they will...its so simple, check this one out, its crazy..lol!

Knowing American History

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. "Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good!" said the teacher. "Now, who said, 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?'"

Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"

She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now, with almost a mob hysteria, the teacher said, "If you say anything else, I'll kill you!"

Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!"

Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

Finally, someone threw an eraser at Pedro and another student shouted, "Duck"!

The teacher, just waking up and still a bit out of it, asked "Who said that?

Pedro: "Dick Cheney 2006!"


« Last Edit: September 02, 2007, 08:47:11 PM by *~MuDaCriS~* »
...He begot not, nor is He begotten!
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Offline HUSNAA

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #340 on: September 03, 2007, 06:16:51 AM »
Pedro sounds like irin rediyan nan mai tonon asiri, da button din ta ya balle and u try to switch it off and u cant unless u smash it... ;D

A politician came home late one night and gave his wife the good news:
"Darling I have been elected!"
 "Honestly?" she asked wonderingly, smiling.
"Hey", the politician said, frowning, "why bring that up?"
« Last Edit: September 03, 2007, 06:49:53 AM by HUSNAA »
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Offline bakangizo

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #341 on: September 03, 2007, 12:08:56 PM »
Husnaa, Muda: Wallahi you made me laughed a lot with dem jokes. I like. ;D ;D

Offline HUSNAA

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #342 on: September 03, 2007, 06:14:48 PM »
OK another one  ;D
A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London with the taxi driver as the tour guide. They pass the famous White Tower at the Tower of London. The cabbie tells him what it is and construction date: begun in 1078, finished in 1087.

"Shoot!" cries the Texan disgusted. "A little Tower like that? In Houston, we'd have that up in a year."

Next they pass the House of Parliament. Cabbie points it out to the Texan and tells him date of construction: started in 1834, finished in 1852.
"We put a bigger building than that up in Dallas, and it only took a month!" says show off Texan.

Next they pass Westminster Abbey, and the fuming cabbie doesnt say anything.

"Whoa!" Cries the Texan, looking at Westminster Abbey. "Whats that?"

"Dont know" replies the cab driver. "It wasnt there yesterday."
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Offline MySeLf

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #343 on: September 03, 2007, 10:58:28 PM »
;D
!!!........................I STAND 4 ISLAM..........................!!!

Offline mlbash

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #344 on: September 05, 2007, 08:34:32 PM »
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture then replied, "Well now. That’s different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.
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