Author Topic: Make Me Laugh!  (Read 407765 times)

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Offline IBB

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #375 on: October 18, 2007, 08:38:54 PM »
lol. Wannan sirikar lallai ta hana ruwa gudu. the second one is really funny (-came to feed the aligators) n smart.

Husnaa thanks I get it now 'I bang my f***ing knee'. Lol
IHS

Offline Mufi

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #376 on: October 18, 2007, 10:19:25 PM »

Lol!!! lallai kam IBB wannan sirikar ta hana ruwa gudu, i wonder what the wife would think of such a gift to her mother. ;D ;D

Okay!! here is another one.
Enjoy ;) ;)

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."
Said and done, the next time God looked the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.
God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?
And the man replied, "I don t know, my wife told me to stand here"

Life is like a flower; more exquisite and precious when shared with others.

Offline IBB

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #377 on: October 19, 2007, 05:15:26 AM »
lol this guy is the worst.

Here is another one.

This joke is about a debate between Muslim students and Christian students

When the debate was about to start the Christians asked the Muslims to start, the Muslim politely decline saying Christianity came before Islam so the Christians should start.

So the Christian speaker stood up and ask the Muslims your prophet Muhammed (SAW) where is he? The Muslim speaker answered He is in Heaven with the All Mighty. Christian speaker asked, so He is with God and the Muslim answered yes. Three times he asked and get the same answer. Then he said to the Muslim, If Muhammed (SAW) was with God why didnt He ask God to save His grandson from being killed? Since He is in heaven with God.

The Muslim speaker answered: Yeah He asked God to save his grandson. But God cried. When the speaker said that everyone kept quiet for some seconds. The christian asked God cried? The Muslim said yeah God cried and said to Muhammed (SAW) sorry I couldnt even saved my son from the Jews

« Last Edit: October 19, 2007, 05:44:55 AM by IBB »
IHS

Offline IBB

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #378 on: October 19, 2007, 05:43:04 AM »
This Joke is about a Jehovah witness preacher

There was this Jehovah witness preacher who always goes to one man's office to preach to him. But every time he comes the officer keeps giving him excuses. So one day he (officer) said to himself i'm going to deal with this preacher. The officer told his secretry that -that preacher is coming today, when he comes let him in and when we are in the middle of the conversation come and whisper something in my ear.

Time on the dot the preacher came and the secretry let him in. The preacher went in and started preaching to the officer. 'God Jesus died for our sin, so accept Jesus and you wil.....' the secretry knocked, entered and whispered in her boss ear and left. Then the boss just kept quiet and held his head and started crying. The preacher ask him what is wrong why is he crying? The officer said I just received a very bad news. The Preacher ask him to calm down and tell him what is wrong in Jesus name it will be okay. So the officer calmed down and told him "I'm just told that Angel Gabreil is dead". So the preacher busted and laughed, and said is that why you are crying? Calm down Angels dont die and cannot die.

Hearing that the officer gave the preacher a very bad look. And asked Angels dont die? And all along you been telling me God died -get out of my office   
IHS

Offline waduz

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #379 on: October 19, 2007, 09:23:04 AM »
A man noticed that toothpicks were fastly exhausted from his dining table. One day when it persists, he decided to ask his steward why, and the following ensued:

Master: Hey, why are my toothpicks finished in no time.

Steward: Oga, sorry-o, na madam.

Master: How?

Steward: Oga, me, any time i use am, i dey replace back, but
             madam, she dey turoway! ;D ;D ;D

Offline Dan-Borno

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #380 on: October 19, 2007, 09:43:28 AM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D yesssso ooooooo
principle of recycling.
"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

Offline waduz

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #381 on: October 19, 2007, 03:15:56 PM »
Yes, jan borgo ;D, oh danborno! I will give the steward kudos for applying the rule of "tsimi da tanadi" ;D

Offline kitkat

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #382 on: October 21, 2007, 03:16:23 PM »
This was written by a guy...

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that b**ch knows I can give as much as I take.


Offline sadiq

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #383 on: October 21, 2007, 03:20:36 PM »
Yes, jan borgo ;D, oh danborno! I will give the steward kudos for applying the rule of "tsimi da tanadi" ;D

Yes oh! This guy went to a bar and the bar attendant noticed him to be a regular. He offered to give him $1000 if he can take a bucket full of beer. He said 'fine,but just give me a few minutes,i'l be back'. The guy went out and was back in a few minutes. He said he was ready, and in no time drank the whole bucket full. The attendant was amazed. 'I've never seen such in my whole life' he said. 'But tell me please before i hand over your reward, what did you go out for?'. 'Nothing', the man replied. 'Just went out to practice with TWO buckets of water'.
oday s beautiful moments are tomorrow s golden memories.

Offline kitkat

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #384 on: October 21, 2007, 03:26:47 PM »
A colledge class was told they had to write a story in as few words as possible.The instructions were the short story had to contain the following three things:

1) Religion
2)Sexuality
3)Mystery

The following answer was  addjudged A+

"Good God, Im pregnant;I wonder who did it."

Offline Dan-Borno

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #385 on: October 21, 2007, 04:02:04 PM »
'Nothing', the man replied. 'Just went out to practice with TWO buckets of water'.

Ina ruwan Tiga Dam   ;D   ;D    ;D welldone Sadiq

"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

Offline HUSNAA

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #386 on: October 22, 2007, 03:45:34 PM »



                       http://youtube.com/watch?v=CNoAo72_Mug
This is such a funny piece.  I dont know why I thought of   :-X  when I saw the clip!!!!!!!!! hehehehehehehe!
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Offline MySeLf

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #387 on: October 22, 2007, 05:35:36 PM »
                           NAIJA POLICE  ;D

A man was driving alone at 1.00am midnight, come to a checkpoint.
A police man stopped him and asked for particulars which he has intact,
So the police has no reasons to keep him, but still want him charged,
guess what the police man said, I charge you for driving alone at
this time of the night, if you come get accident now who go go tell your people ?"
The man replied:
I'm not alone, Jesus Christ is with me here, Angel Gabriel, Angel Raphael,
Angel Micheal, five angels are here with me.
The police man said: "all these people inside this your small car ?
I charge you for overloading.
               ;D

!!!........................I STAND 4 ISLAM..........................!!!

Offline sadiq

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #388 on: October 23, 2007, 03:22:20 PM »
A colledge class was told they had to write a story in as few words as possible.The instructions were the short story had to contain the following three things:

1) Religion
2)Sexuality
3)Mystery

The following answer was  addjudged A+

"Good God, Im pregnant;I wonder who did it."



 ;D  ;D  ;D Somebody stop me!!

This business tycoon threw a party at his mansion and invited all the hot shots. While the groove was at its peak, he invited all to his backyard and down to his swimming pool. He had put in the most dangerous reptiles you can imagine. 'Ladies and gentlemen' he shouted. 'Any one that dares to get into this pool and swims safely to the other side will,be rewarded with either half of my weath, my big mansion or my precious daughters hand'. No sooner than he shut his mouth, a guy from nowhere dove in and safely swam to the other end. Everyone warmly applauded him for his courage. The tycoon went over to him and asked him what he wanted. 'Half of my wealth?'. Panting 'no'. 'My mansion?' 'No' said the man again. Frowning 'you want my daughter?'  'No'. Sighing with relief, the tycoon asked 'you must want something? just say it'. Still panting, the man looked at him and said 'I JUST WANT TO KNOW THE NAME OF THE GUY WHO PUSHED ME IN!!! 
oday s beautiful moments are tomorrow s golden memories.

Offline waduz

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #389 on: October 24, 2007, 02:17:47 PM »
A tourist in a Cairo bazaar was offered a large skull by a street-trader. “dis de original skull of great Queen Cleopatra, by friend,” said the trader, “only one hundred pounds.”
“No thank you,” said the tourist. “It’s far too expensive.”
“How ‘bout dis one, my friend?” said the street trader, producing a small skull.
“Whose skull is that?”
“dis de original skull of great Queen Cleopatra when she was a little girl!” ;D ;D


 

 


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