Author Topic: Make Me Laugh!  (Read 407817 times)

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Offline IBB

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #405 on: November 08, 2007, 11:57:17 PM »
God created the donkey

and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset
carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,
you will have no intelligence and you will live  50 years."

The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years"
God granted his wish.
..........................................................................................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


God created the dog
and said to him:

"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.
You will be a dog. "

The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years.
" God granted his wish.
..........................................................................................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


God created the monkey
and said to him:

"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live
20 years. "


The monkey answered:
"To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years."
God granted his wish.
..........................................................................................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Finally God created man ...
and said to him:

"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals..
You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."

Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only
20 years is very little,
give me the 30 years that the donkey refused,
the 15 years that the dog did not want and
the 10 years the monkey refused.
" God granted man's wish
.........................................................................................

And since then, man lives

20 years as a man ,
marries and spends

30 years like a donkey,
working and carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house
and eating whatever is given to him,

so that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

That's Life.
Is'nt it ??????????
IHS

Offline IBB

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #406 on: November 09, 2007, 08:34:48 PM »
Mandela was enjoying a hearty breakfast - bacon, eggs, coffee,
croissants, toast, butter, jam, etc. when Bush (chewing gum) sits next
to him and starts a conversation:

Bush: "You South Africans eat the whole bread?"

Mandela: "Of course."

Bush: (blowing bubbles with his gum ) "We don"t. In the    States,  we
only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle,
rebake them into croissants and sell them to South Africa ."

Mandela: "Oh Really?"

Bush: "D'ya eat jam with the bread?"

Mandela: "Of course ."

Bush: (chuckling and crackling his gum) "We don't, in the States we eat
fresh fruit for breakfast, put all the peels, seeds and left overs into
containers, recycle them into jam and sell it to South Africa ."

Mandela: "Do you have sex in America ?"

Bush: "Of course we do."

Mandela: "And what do you do with the condoms?"

Bush: "Throw them away of course."

Mandela: "We don't. We pack them into containers, recycle them, melt
them down into chewing gum and sell them to America ."

IHS

Offline Bee

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #407 on: November 09, 2007, 09:59:28 PM »
Oh dear!
Born To Bee Great

Offline Dan-Borno

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #408 on: November 13, 2007, 06:31:57 PM »
good for Bush  ;D.

take this one:

One Night 4 College Students Were Playing Till Late Night
And Didn't Study For The Test Which Was Scheduled For The Next Day.
In the morning they thought of a plan.

They made themselves look as dirty and weird with grease and dirt.
They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night
and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car!
all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days.
They thanked him and said they will be ready by that time.

On the third day they appeared before the Dean.
The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test,
All four were required to sit in seperate classrooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.

The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks.

Q.1. Your Name........ ......... ........( 2 MARKS )
Q.2. Which tyre burst ?........... ....( 98 MARKS )

a) Front Left
b) Front Right
c) Back Left
d) Back Right .....!!!
"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

Offline Bayya

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #409 on: November 13, 2007, 06:44:13 PM »
Hahaha. Da kyau.
Mu ga karshen karya 
ke nan.
Some dreams do come true

Offline IBB

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #410 on: November 13, 2007, 07:30:20 PM »
lol to DB


A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead:

"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.

"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."

The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss.

By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:

"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND,

YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Coz . . . he replied laughing,"I just love hearing it. . . ."


==========


To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.


==========


HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED


Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings,

poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
« Last Edit: November 13, 2007, 07:34:09 PM by IBB »
IHS

Offline Dave_McEwan_Hill

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #411 on: November 14, 2007, 07:10:52 PM »
The Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has just

opened in New York City , where a woman

may go to choose a husband.  Among the

instructions at the entrance is a description

of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the value of the

product increases as the shopper ascends

the flights. The shopper may choose any

item from a particular floor, or may choose

to go up to the next floor, but you cannot

go back down except to exit the building!



So, a woman goes to the Husband Store

to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

 


Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.


The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.



The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids,

and are Extremely Good Looking.



"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to

keep going.


She goes to the fourth floor and the sign

reads:


Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids,

are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.



"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:


Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids,

are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with

Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic

Streak.


She is so tempted to stay, but she goes on

to the sixth floor and the sign reads:


Floor 6   -   You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.  There are no men on this floor. This

floor exists solely as proof that women are

impossible to please. Thank you for shopping

at the Husband Store.

 

 



To avoid gender bias charges, the store's

owner also opened a New Wives store just

across the street.




The first floor has wives that love sex.



The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.

 



The third through sixth floors have never been visited.
---------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

 

maigemu

Offline IBB

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #412 on: November 14, 2007, 10:02:17 PM »
lol
IHS

Offline gogannaka

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #413 on: November 15, 2007, 05:20:21 PM »
The Husband Store

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's

owner also opened a New Wives store just

across the street.


The first floor has wives that love sex.



The second floor has wives that love sex and have money. 



The third through sixth floors have never been visited.
---------------------------------------------------------------


LOL.....very funny...i can't stop laughing.
Nice one!
Surely after suffering comes enjoyment

Offline MySeLf

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #414 on: November 15, 2007, 10:50:31 PM »
The Husband Store A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman
may go to choose a husband.  Among theinstructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the product increases as the shopper ascends
the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose
to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store
to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign
reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids,
are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids,
are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with
Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes on to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6   -   You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.  There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.



Lol Megemu!
But guys read carefully, this shop owner is still bias..... He never mentioned the men
are filthy rich plus good looking and all that.
Has he said that in the first floor none of the women will get to the second floor.....  ;D ;D ;D



!!!........................I STAND 4 ISLAM..........................!!!

Offline Dave_McEwan_Hill

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #415 on: November 16, 2007, 07:30:52 PM »
Look away now. A rude joke coming up (those of clean mind probably won't understand it anyway!)

A unoversity lecturer is addressing her class.
" Now guys and gals" she tells them " You will all have to be here tomorrow for your final assessment at 2pm. No excuse accepted. None at all. You won't get your degrees if you don't show up."
A smartass at the back of the class shouts out " Miss, what if I can't come due to severe sexual exhaustion?"
" I'll just get you to write with your other hand" the lecturer replies.
maigemu

Offline *~MuDa~*

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #416 on: November 16, 2007, 09:00:51 PM »

Mandela: "We don't. We pack them into containers, recycle them, melt
them down into chewing gum and sell them to America ."



Oh Men...lol...that hurts a lot...lol, oh my!
...He begot not, nor is He begotten!
www.articlesdir.co.cc

Offline Dave_McEwan_Hill

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #417 on: November 18, 2007, 08:02:30 PM »
Two guys talking to each other.
One says " If you were to hear that the world would end in 30 minutes what would you do?"
The other replies " I'd make mad,passionate lover to anything that moved. What would you do?"
The first replies " I'd stand perfectly still!"
maigemu

Offline HUSNAA

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #418 on: November 18, 2007, 08:05:44 PM »
hahahahahahaha!! That was quite funny Dave!!!
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Offline Dave_McEwan_Hill

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Re: Make Me Laugh!
« Reply #419 on: November 27, 2007, 12:55:16 AM »
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, Johnny Byrne?"

"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Mary Walsh?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Brown?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Margaret Doyle?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Anne O' Neil?"

"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Catherine 0' Tool, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped Johnny, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Tommy slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months' holiday and five good leads."

maigemu

 


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