BAZAWARA/BAZAWARI ISSUES.

[waduz]

The matter that culminated into the move by bazawarais to embark on a rally to enable them "display" and push home their need to be married by the menfolk, calls for urgent and critical analyses and solutions. The questions are,

What are the merits and demerits of such actions as per as the religion is concerned?

Are there enough and willing potential husbands to go round all the bazawarais?

Is it true that lack of husbands to marry. drives them to contemplate embarking on the demonstrations?

Can demonstartions solve their problems?

What can be done to stem the rising instances of divorces among couples?

[EMTL]

Assalamu alaikum,
Thank you for your concern. My only hope is people like Dan barno will realistically comment on this issue.

[waduz]

EMTL, my greatest concern really, is the dent issues relating to unmarried women will cause to our societies. Now look at the number of unmarried girls roaming the streets, that it seems they are just too many that they maight out number the eligible males! The unwanted pregnancies, the ever raising cases of rapes and adultery. Don't you think people are just satisfying their s.... needs any how and not bothering about getting married at all? Perhaps those thinking of demontrating to force men to get married, might afterall, be having a case???  ???

[Muhsin]

Am really afraid to talk on issues like this. I'm prone to be miscalculated. But I'll, inshaAllah, say more when I get back. Good, Waduz.

[Dan-Borno]

muhsin, lets be audacious and face our own problem with a
view to finding a lasting solution.  its my daughter 2day,
my sister tomorrow, my mum next tomorrow etc.  arrijalu
kauwamuna alannisa'i, the wheels of matrimony is in our hands,
we give out and at the same time we receive. so its our own
problem.

now that a new thread for failed marriages is being started, i
think we should give it a fair discuss trying as much as possible
to understand where the problem is.

[ummita]

Ratatap tap! Salamualaikum. Na shigoh Waduz? Zan danyi manganah.

Salamz Wadus & the rest.

1st things first.......it is not about the availability of "enough" men but about the availability of "sufficient GOOD" men. Islam consents a man to marry four and so I do not think there is a problem of "enough" men "to go around all the bazawarai". However, what lies beneath is men are "incapable" of and keeping a wife.

Likewise, it not about "willing potential" men but it's about "competent" men! Am talking about men that can administer fair treatment to their wives, men that are worthy and trustworthy, men that are honest and humble, a man who really knows what it takes to be a "husband" to his "wife"! Am talking about marriage as a whole! I am talking about companionship and the whole camaraderie that comes in marriage. I am talking about ability to understand your wife, to endure her behaviour misplacements and to accommodate conflicting differences, a man being a husband leader not a forceful dictator, a man who has real merits of submitting his religious marital righteousness to his partner, his virtue for patience and so on and hence forth. Staying married is just not about consummating the marriage, having and rearing children. It's also about respect, kindness, sympathy and many more. And all these qualities must be exercised. This is what makes a marriage! This is what makes a man a husband! A capable husband! And this is what saves a marriage from nullification!


Waduz, we cannot just sit and moan about the rising rate of divorcees and blaming women for the misfortunes they find their selves in. I really don't see the merit of frolicking that the consequences of being bazawarai is that these category of women will not have enough men for them to go round or they will end up being raped, committing adultery or having unwanted pregnancies. We should not ignore some of the real roots of the quandary. For example, (i.e. How many stories of arranged marriages, family crisis and other pressure issues that has lead girls to run away from home? I see no bearing of a divorcee being the sole perpetrators on the issues of rape, adultery & unwanted pregnancies.

Waduz, have you noticed this for I have. Some men have taken to mockery with ahappy face of women saying things like "ai yanzu mata sunyi yawa no husband". Some of these men have been singing a choir about this since 2003 and the chorus of their mockery is far too strong now! I keep saying this, before our forefathers were born and before mankind knew earth, Allah subhana wata'ala has written bold that there will be two categories of mankind male and female and either they return to HIM married or unmarried. And so word of advice to those who take pleasure mocking women or divorcees about their search or desperation for a husband or women outnumbering men not to forget that they too have mothers, sisters, daughters or other female relatives.  So careful! I say, careful!

Lastly, the biggest and first step to deal with the increase rate of divorcees is to STOP THE STIGMATISATION of divorcees by the surrounding society especially by men. People should know a divorcee could be a MALE and not only female! Two, it's not an abomination to marry a divorcee! Three, learn to endure and not send a woman packing for the tiniest, silliest and forgivable mistakes. However, some ignorant men fail to understand these simple concepts. And you need to hear the arrant nonsense that emanates from their mouth. How they denigrate and tarnish the image of divorcee is far beyond repulsive to me. The stigmatisation, labelling and de-meriting of divorcees as the most unwanted choices amongst the most preferred is absolutely disgusting!!!  

And on what can be done, Ah alot! Making people aware that divorcees have good marriage credentials too, enlightening the society about the religious significance of marriage, the symbol it carries and what it requires to stay put in marriage, The list is endless.............

But a big starting point is to start by erasing and eradicating the stigma attached to zawarci (a very big step if done)!!

Demonstrations? *chuckles* lol, lol, lol, gerroutofhur!....ka bani dariya sosai. Who are you kidding? All the forced marriages I've heard of or witnessed is where a woman is forced into matrimony but hardly any man!! :D If you ask me I'd say kawai Mutum dei yah zamah mei rike Allah dah addininci. Mace tah zama mei tawakkahl. Mace ta zama mei hankura, mai barin ma Allah komai. Demonstration a masayin mace on these sort of issues wanda Allah ne ya saukar, to me, poses as a sign of nuna fin karfi ko girman kai ko rashin yadda dah kaddarah. Toh mace wa zatayiwah? Abun da Allah ya sakah, shi zei cire. One should just kneel and subject his/herself to God period! He is ever granting.

[ummita]

Am really afraid to talk on issues like this. I'm prone to be miscalculated. But I'll, inshaAllah, say more when I get back. Good, Waduz.

Afraid? Wallah kah batah mini raina fa. >:( Kaga, a thing you should learn in life is pay mind to no one. Your opinions are yours and if you fill so strong willed about anything, spit it out and so it shall be! What another party can only do is agree to disagree but it doesnt change your own perspectives on things. Be free to spit things the way you think fits! Enter, spit and out. I have a very nonchalant attitude to things said here because its just a discussion threadddddddddddd. As long as you feel connected to your judgements that all. So what if you are miscalculated? Doesnt change your opinion!

Wallahi shiyasaka suna maka tsokana dayawa. You are just too, too, too innocent and sweet. I think, I need to numb encore you abit ;D!

Yay! bari naje na karya azumi. Lokaci shan ruwa yayi. It felt like forever!!!!

PS: Best wishes to all members for the New Yr. Sorry it was late. :-\

[waduz]

Aaaaa, Ummita, ah, lallai kin shigo! Kuma kin dan yi magana. Amma dai azumin ki kam, karyashi kikayi, ko kin bude baki ne, ko kuma duka biyu kika yi, wato karyi da budi?!... He laughs........!

Am so happy that you gave a very lurid and understandable account of what a good husband should be. But ironically, you failed to give us any detailed account of what a wife should be to her husband, or, how she should behave inorder for her matrimony life to last, albeit, forever. For the fear of not being called a chauvinist, when posting this thread, I chose the title, bazawara/bazawari, just to give it a better human chest, sorry, face. I believe though, Ummita, that you raised points of impotance, not only to our dear women folks, but also, to us, the men.
I will not delve much into the cumbersome, or rather absurd triviality of how marriages are  broken at will, but rather what it entails in making up a good and lasting relationships between a woman and a man. That, we cannot dicerpher, if we do not understand what marriages are, and the goodies that go with it. A point of significant and fundamental objective, is that, a marriage is sacred and that nothing, absolutely nothing is good between the two sexes like marriage. As an integral part of it, relationships have to be established first, and then the ground is set for the consumation the union. Of course, by traditions, the man makes the first move by making advances that will ultimately culminate into making an offer to the woman for marriage.
A move starts by looking for a would be sweet heart by choosing from the right family, meaning from a good family with a solidly built foundation of honor and integrity. After that, the woman's family also, makes equal inquiries into the man's way of life and also his family's background, so as to avoid giving their daughter's hand for marriage to a wayward person, with some questionable background. We all know what it takes to organize a marriage, the paraphernelia and ultimate understanding that a new family, Allah SWT willing, is about to be started. Afterwards, good parents continue to pray for the newly weds to live in blissfully happy and everlasting peace.
Some significant and fundamental objectives that demand our attention at this point, are, what ususally goes wrong between couples that results into break ups? What do we do to reverse the trend and make us enjoy our marital relationships, without coming apart? Surely, it does nobody any good when a separation is announced between a couple.The wife comes home, distressed and disorganized, while the husband is left remorseful and dejected. If the couple had kids, then the beginning of their lives without mom or dad, defending on where the kids go, starts unpleasantly for them. The fleet of bazawara and bazawari is increased geometrically.
I agree with you, ummi, that a good husband must be a good leader and a great support for his wife. I will also add that, he must be God fearing, tolerant, humble, caring, supportive, understanding, loving, chaperon, fortify and gingerly act as her guide and defender, any day and time. The husband must also play a lot of roles to his new wife, especially if she happens to be young. Our elders used to say, when you get married, be ready to play the role of a father, mother, friend and teacher to your wife apart from playing the bigger role of a husband.
The woman on her part, equally has to shoulder and verily execute some complimentary roles to her husband. She must be unflinchingly faithful,loyal and obedient, she must demonstrate unquestionable love and regards to her husband. She must also believe that the husband is the head of the family and therefore directs the affairs of the house the way he thinks is better for him. Of course, from time to time, the two must have to put heads together to come up with sound solutions to issues affecting the family.
There is nothing, so beautiful and enchanting, like beholding a couple living in concordance and harmony. A broken family is always looked upon as bad and the constant disharmony makes life for the couple and even that of their neighbors, very distasteful. Why do some families separate for some flimsy and irrational excuses? Why do such families never give a hoot to what separation will bring to the family? How can society check these maladies and prevail on couples to trudge on, as life is, but a moving shadow?
The prevalent number of unmarried women in our societies is very alarming and disturbing. It clearly shows that the society is failing in this regards, first by elders who have shirked their responsibilities of guiding, counselling and admonishing young couples to be tolerant of one another. The young couples also are to be blamed for not paying attention and heeding the experienced words of advices from the elders. Many instances abound where young couples disregard elders intervention in their feuds with just a wave of the hand, 'rabu da tsohonnan, yanzu zamaninmu ne.' and go ahead to separate.
The society itself is not helping matters. The penchant, or dire unsatiable, rapacious need for worldly materials among men and women is taking a gargantuan toll on marriages. This calendestine raphsody is more pronounced on the women. The assessment of would be husbands by women, sometimes blinds them into falling woefully into wrong hands that ultimately takes them no where, and at the end, making their hopes for a better life, dashed. Mostly, girls hope for getting a husband that is from a well to do family, who can buy things they needed most, by being unmindful of the strong love ties and cohesion. Some men also during courting behave as if they can do anything, even achieving the impossible, just to conquer the heart of the unsuspecting young girl's mind.
Now, how can society tame the tiger of divorce that has led to so many unmarried men and women roaming the streets? What can society do to bring back the sacredness and sanctity of the institution of marriage?
As moslems, we must begin to take marriage with all the seriousness it deserves. We all know that the religion allows us to divorse, but, it is also a very distasteful halal in the eyes of the Almighty SWT. We need to treat one another with respects and regards. We need to understand one another's feelings and avoid hurting each other. We also need to understand the reasons why the Almighty SWT ordered us to get married. We must also be tolerant and merciful and be contented with the little we are endowed with, while hoping that Allah SWT will, in HIS infinite mercy, bless, guide and fend for us. We must think of what will become of our up springs after divorce.
I have noticed with a lot of chagrin, how some religious organizayions have made it a duty upon themsleves, to making census of all marriageble males and females in some towns with the intent of finding willing husbands/wives. It is really yielding some positive results as more and more are getting married through these unions. We should encourge them by participating actively, believing that the Almighty SWT will reward us abundantly, amen.

May our wrong deeds be forgiven by HIM in whose hands our lives are, amen.

[Dan-Borno]

summary pls.

[waduz]

Summary? A gaskiya ya kare, bani dashi yanzu! DBN kenan!

[HUSNAA]

You know say babu bazawari unless there is a bazawara. Watau the name itself is solely attributed to women. A divorced woman is automatically a bazawara. The man only becomes a bazawari if he is looking to marry her. Otherwise if he is 100 times divorced and without a wife he is not considered a bazawari. Just gwauro.

[Rais]

tell dem Aunty

[waduz]

Aunty, LoL! An unmarried woman, ie a divorcee is usually refered to as gwauruwa. A man that has exceeded the usual number of years for him to get married and stayed like that without getting married, is known as Tuzuru. while a woman like that is called Tuzuruwa, ko? ;D

[*~MuDa~*]

Likewise, it not about "willing potential" men but it's about "competent" men! Am talking about men that can administer fair treatment to their wives, men that are worthy and trustworthy, men that are honest and humble, a man who really knows what it takes to be a "husband" to his "wife"! Am talking about marriage as a whole! I am talking about companionship and the whole camaraderie that comes in marriage. I am talking about ability to understand your wife, to endure her behaviour misplacements and to accommodate conflicting differences, a man being a husband leader not a forceful dictator, a man who has real merits of submitting his religious marital righteousness to his partner, his virtue for patience and so on and hence forth. Staying married is just not about consummating the marriage, having and rearing children. It's also about respect, kindness, sympathy and many more. And all these qualities must be exercised. This is what makes a marriage! This is what makes a man a husband! A capable husband! And this is what saves a marriage from nullification!

That sounded more like your own version of the  Obama Presidential Speech, but in this case i call it: "The Remaking of a Husband"...lol...just kidding. But well spoken Ummitah, you make me want to start a revolution: "Movement Of The Ideal Husbands", its possiblke right? though i know i will face a lot of challenges, what do you think?

[waduz]

Muda, I do not think you can start any revolution through a "movement" for an ideal husband, unless, of course,  if you have garnered a lot of experience, by being married to, at least, three wives! This is so, because without having that number of wives, you might be inexperienced and might be dangerously unskilled, to venture into such a highly classified, detailed, confidencial,and gingerly revered issue of what a Husband should or should not be.
However, I will suggest that the matter be hereby tabled for other views, especially from the Danbornos and Gogas, who, from all indications, might be married to more than two (knives) sorry, wives! ;D