Are we romantic????????????!!

[Konan]

u mean r u guys romantic i wudnt know

[Ibro2g]

u mean r u guys romantic i wudnt know

Well...Allow me to rephrase the question LadyMerciful, Am I romantic?

[HUSNAA]

@ HafsyLady and Meetah.... you know whenever i look at the whole situation of this arguement, women ranting about men not being equal and ish, you know i do sum it all up to be a kind of jealousy from the womenfolk  man is given the right to marry up to four wives, but then have you ever wondered why Allah has ordained it to be so? Its not the men's fault after all!

Its not jealousy per se Muda. Its a fact of life.. a kind of protecting yr territory, which all animals do. A man automatically becomes part of the woman's territory when they become H&W. Therefore she has no inclination to see him being shared with someone else, just as an animal will mark its territory with its scent as a 'keep off' warning to others of its kind!! 

The issue wondering why Allah SWT has ordained men to have more than one wife? Well let's put it this way, that is how Allah Created all male species... as polygamous creatures. If we look at a mammal in the animal kingdom for example, a bull or a lion or an ape, we find that the males of them mate with more than one female during the mating season. A lion keeps a pride of female lionesses; a bull has his herd of cows, likewise an ape keeps a harem of females. A female ape, baboon gorilla  etc.. CANT mate with other males as long as there is a numero uno male, even if she wants to cos he challenges and fights any other male that encroaches on his harem. The female will only want to mate with other males if she is in heat and numero uno is neglectful towards her, since it is instinctive - almost reflexive - for the females to want to be pregnant once they are in heat. And if a female animal is in heat, she will ONLY mate with a SINGLE male.

So in general its the same with humans. Restrictions have been placed on the human simply because of his role as the vicegerent of Allah on earth. Therefore man has responsibilities which have not been made mandatory on the other creations of Allah. viz man and woman must marry before cohabitation; man can have more than one but upto 4 (as max)wives; woman cant have more than one husband (whereas with animals, the fathers of the offsprings are ever changing; i.e. from yr to yr, different males sire different offspring with same female). The process of separation (divorce) is an intricate affair with humans whereas its non existent with animals, i.e. the male mates with the female at the time and then each automatically goes his/her way. Or its a question of who is the dominant male of the moment...

Why can men marry more than one wife? Well Allah Made it that way by Making the biology of the man different from that of the female. Men are built on testestorones. This hormone is responsible for the heavier bones in male, the greater muscling, the deeper voice and the thicker or swarthier skin and the hairiness. Testesterone has also been  linked with aggressive male behavior. These are all characteristics that differentiate men from women. These are the characteristics that make men providers for womenfolk in the way that Allah SWT  Has Demarcated  tasks between man and woman. Apart from its secondary role in the development of male sexual characteristics, its primary role is libidinal. That is it produces high sexual drives in the male species, and the function of this high sexual drive is simply the successful propagation  of the animal's species. In a setting whereby it is eat or be eaten, predator and prey, law of the jungle - survival of the fittest, it makes sense that an animal should try and pass its genes to as many females of his species as it can so that its chances of survival as a species are higher. In this context, a human being is no different really.. the male has a high sexual drive which demands that he has more than one female partner. Allah thus Created man like this as He Created other creatures and Gave man the outlet to diffuse his libidinous desires within a general framework of self control since man has a higher function  than other animals and spiritual role to play.

Women on the other hand have to contend with one partner only, because Allah SWT Assigned to man the responsibility of looking after his offsprings. Other animals also look after their young and so on and so forth, but the communal framework in which they carry out this function is totally different from the human societal framework. There are very few animal species (apart from humans) in the world who share the responsibility of bringing up their offsprings. In many species, it is the sole responsibility of the female to look after the young. In some avian species there are males and females who share that responsibility ( I believe the eagle is one of them); In some species, its the males who look after the young. These are very few and the only one I can think of at the moment is the sea horse. The sea horse male is the one who becomes pregnant actually not the females! The father is left witht the responsibility of carrying the eggs to maturity, dislodging them from its body and I think that is where its responsibilities end. Because once the eggs are in the water, they have a tendency to disperse. Some ofcourse will reach maturity but some will immediately enter the food chain.

Anyway back to the human female.  Because of man's spiritual function and the fact that the structure of his society must have to be well ordered and have direction, in order for him to carry out his appointed task as representative of Allah SWT on earth, Allah Assigned the task of looking after the human offspring not only on the woman but on the man as well. This gives the offspring a sense of identity and belonging which is crucial to welbeing of the offspring and the society in general.  The male species in general has a tendency to abandon its offspring because males dont have that maternal instincts that females do. So it becomes imperative for the man to have the KNOWLEDGE that the offspring is his and his alone and their is no paternal uncertainty attached to the offspring in question, so that the male knows that  the child is his natural heir and therefore he is responsible for the welbeing and upkeep and future of that child or progeny. This only pertains to human beings. Therefore a child must be legitimate.. that is a product of wedlock, and he must belong to only one man (ofcourse). The only way to ascertain that is for the woman to have ONE husband only at a time.

[*~MuDa~*]

Well spoken Husnaa, for a time i almost thought i was watching a documentay on the National Geographic Channel, i never ever compared the men and the male animal ego or libidenous drives, well it all fits too well, but then it still fits in my arguement right? The point i was trying to make was of man not being responsible for the permission of being allowed to marry more wives than one. Its natural, ordained by Allah, that is why i was saying women should not blame men for marrying upto four wives, i am also well aware of the female specie territory possession concept, infact that is why may beAllah SWT has put the female specie to the test to see if they can really exercise their patience (Hakuri) enough, Hakuri is something that women really lack naturally, and with the religion as a weapon of obeying and respecting the will of Allah SWT, in order to see if women can really tolerate the idea of other counterparts invading their said territory and accept it as destiny. Abi?

[precious]

infact that is why may beAllah SWT has put the female specie to the test to see if they can really exercise their patience (Hakuri) enough, Hakuri is something that women really lack naturally, and with the religion as a weapon of obeying and respecting the will of Allah SWT, in order to see if women can really tolerate the idea of other counterparts invading their said territory and accept it as destiny. Abi?

I really disagree.I think and believe women are naturally more than 200% endowed with hakuri than men.What women suffer from men maza da sune baza su iya hakurin ba.That is also why women are the caretakers of the family.Take for example the way women look after children.women will spend more than half the day with children,da maigida ya dawo yara zasu fara shan fada cos he cannot tolerate dugon abin da yaran su ke that matar tolerates.Or consider how many times namiji's eyes will stray from the road and away from his wife or girl friend just to keep staring at anything in skirt or wrapper.Think as a man.How would you feel if you were with your girlfriend or wife and she keeps staring at every man that passes,and sometimes with such lust in her eyes.Think.And honestly.

[HUSNAA]

I agree with you Precious totally. Women have more patience than men. Muda revise that statement. What women go thro' a man can never endure. Shi yasa ma Annabi SAW said the word 'Umm Umm Umm three times before  saying 'Abb'.

[Bee]

Salam
      Only Allah knows the reasons why He bestowed upon man to marry more than one woman if he can;but looking at it carfully,i'd say it is good to go 100%.There wont be any other suitable way than that.Look at it this way.Lets all assume that it is a woman that can marry more than one man.
1)If she has kids,there is gonna be a massive problem when it comes to who the father is.In ban da technology yanzu that one could actually go for a paternity test,there wont be any other way that will give 100% proof that a particular man is the biological father of a child when trouble arises.Sai dai if they look alike,perhaps that might workout to an extent.
2)Guys,i want you to imagine sharing your wives....keep imagining...dont stop,i want you to do that for 2 minutes.Aha!!! The mere thought of that makes you shiver yeah? That is pure jealousy.The male is naturally more jealous than the female.What do you think would happen if a woman marries more than one man and puts them in the same house? There will be 1st degree murder.No doubt about that.the male is naturally for aggressive anyway.Mace kuma fa? Sai dai ca can baki da zage zage a gida in anyi nisa a hada da dambe.
3)Look at the number of women we have these days without husbands.If a woman should marry more than one husband,there wont be more men left for every woman to marry.Scarcity of men kenan.
   With all these and plenty more i think it is much better for the man to marry more than one wife but only if he can be honest yayi adalci otherwise,it will be much better for him to stick to the one woman he is married to.That way,he will save himself from a lot of trouble in this world and beyond.

[Dave_McEwan_Hill]

C'mon ladies. I expect a fighting response!

[Konan]

lol i wud say yes u are u know more romantic dan i'll ever be lol

Well...Allow me to rephrase the question LadyMerciful, Am I romantic?
[/quote]

[Konan]

i dunno if many ppl know dis but if a guy wants to marry 1st he wud have to take permission from his 1st wife and if she says no den he cannot amrry again but if he goes ahead with the marriage den dat marriage is haram. so wud u girls give permission for ur husband to mrry again??? i wudnt.

[kitkat]

i dunno if many ppl know dis but if a guy wants to marry 1st he wud have to take permission from his 1st wife and if she says no den he cannot amrry again but if he goes ahead with the marriage den dat marriage is haram. so wud u girls give permission for ur husband to mrry again??? i wudnt.

Ashe da ba za a kara din ba. Tapdi!!! some women actually hear about it when the invitations go out, or elsethe guy takes off and calls from the safety of another town to say "to Hajia an yi miki kanwa fa ;D

[HUSNAA]

i dunno if many ppl know dis but if a guy wants to marry 1st he wud have to take permission from his 1st wife and if she says no den he cannot amrry again but if he goes ahead with the marriage den dat marriage is haram. so wud u girls give permission for ur husband to mrry again??? i wudnt.

Ashe da ba za a kara din ba. Tapdi!!! some women actually hear about it when the invitations go out, or elsethe guy takes off and calls from the safety of another town to say "to Hajia an yi miki kanwa fa ;D

MATSORATA ;D ;D

[Dan-Borno]

Wow, i was away during the weekend when all these
discussion were going on.

Husnaa, to your post, just as the moderator commented,
its just like watching a documentary, i read it from head
to toe and couldnt find anything to go contrary.  Infact
you have made a presentation worth opening a website
dedicated to it.  Even the worst human being can intellectually
grab the content, so soft and maturely writing.

@ Rahima, i dont know if its a suggestion you are bringing
or the law is in force where you reside?  However, here
in Nigeria you dont need the permission of your first wife
to remarry, although you need to inform her (sometimes)
of your intention to bring in another occupant.

I heard that in Pakistan and other parts of India, the law
exist and still in force and wish to critize the law in its
entirety, because it has placed so many restrictions and
stupid obligations that men hardly fulfill to remarry and end
up keeping 'harlot'  because its cheaper than to remarry a
second wife.    The adoption of this system can not be
unconnected to the founding fathers of 'beijin declaration'.

[gogannaka]

i dunno if many ppl know dis but if a guy wants to marry 1st he wud have to take permission from his 1st wife and if she says no den he cannot amrry again but if he goes ahead with the marriage den dat marriage is haram. so wud u girls give permission for ur husband to mrry again??? i wudnt.

Ashe da ba za a kara din ba. Tapdi!!! some women actually hear about it when the invitations go out, or elsethe guy takes off and calls from the safety of another town to say "to Hajia an yi miki kanwa fa ;D

MATSORATA ;D ;D

I'd call it diplomacy  ;D

[HUSNAA]

GGNK U are not in a position to call it anything cos u are neither in the mono nor poly category!! U hide behind a whole town and say that is diplomacy??? !!!! lol!  no wonder ogogoro politicians run nigeria!! ;D ;D