joke ville

[beautilicious]

steven was walking through the streets at midnight. the watchman asked:
"what r u doin out so l8 young man"
"my sleep has disappeared and i am looking for it!"

[ajingi]

haha :lol:  :lol:  :lol: , nice joke.

[Dave McEwan Hill]

A woman went to see the doctor with a small child.
"The child is very small and is not growing" she told the doctor "It is not putting on weight".
"Hm" said the doctor examining the child "it looks under-nourished. Open your blouse and remove your bra" he asks the woman.
She does so and the doc gently squeezes one breast. Then the other one. He rubs then a little then squeezes them gently again. Then he strokes the breasts for a few minutes and squeezes them gently again.
"Hm" he says to the women. "You have no breast milk."
"I know that" says the woman. "I am the child's grandmother. But I sure am glad I came"

[gogannaka]

LOL LOL LOL............so old woman ma sabi?

[*~MuDa~*]

Shegiya...she is happy zat she habe been touched apter a bery long ytm...lol,lol. i got 1 2...check it out:

A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled her in Catholic school in the hopes to improve her math grades. During the first marking period, her mother noticed a dramatic improvement in her math studies. The girl would refuse playing with friends and eating dessert after dinner in order to study more.
On report card day, her mother was astonished to see that her daughter got an A+ in math. She asked her daughter, ?Why the sudden change of attitude about math -- do the nuns punish you?? The girl replied, ?No, but when I saw the little man on the wall nailed to the plus sign, I knew that this school is very serious about math!?

[dan kauye]

I'VE HEARD OF MALAMAI MASU CIRE ALJANU DAGA JIKIN MUTANE BUT NEVA HAV I WITNESSED IT NOR HEARD D TAPE,SAI LAST WEEK NAJE WAJEN WANI ABOKINA NA TARAR DA SHI YANA JIN TAPE DIN CIRE ALJANNU ,SAI NA ZAUNA CAREFULY .......


MALAM 2 ALJANI::::ZAKA FITA KO BAZA KA FITA BA?
ALJANN::::::::ZAN FITA
MALAM:::::::::::::TO INA SHEDAN YAKE?
ALJANI:::::::::;WALLAHI YANZU YA WUCE AGUJE TA GABAN KA...


LOL...... :D  :D IZNT DAT REELY FUNNY?????

[beautilicious]

me i dont get!!! :? [/quote]

[gogannaka]

*A man is suing a bank that he attempted to rob.After employees of the bank realized he was deaf,they were able to talk during the attempted robberry,which made it easy to stall the would be robber untill the police arrived.The failed bank robber is suing the bank for discrimination.

*The Anheuser busch company was sued by a man for emotional distress,because he had no luck with the ladies after drinking their product.

[Dave_McEwan_Hill]

Ahmed, a very popular man has died. Many people come to the burial. As the body is being lowered minto the grave a Hausa man steps forward and says "I owe Ahmed 10,000 Naira and he had died. I must repay him." He throws 10,000 Naira into the grave.
A Yoruba then steps forward and says "I also owed Ahmed money and I must repay". He throws 15,000 Naira into the grave.
The an Ibo man steps forward and says "I owed Ahmed 20,000 Naira and I must pay my debt."  So he writes a cheque for 45,000 Naira, throws it into the grave and takes out the 25,000 Naira the others threw in.

You can, of course, use whatever tribes you like for this joke. When I heard it it was about an Irishman, and Englishman and a very smart
Scotsman.

[gogannaka]

Its been long since we had some laffs! :lol:  :lol:
Here are some jokes involving robbery cases.....
Enjoy:

Some armed robbers were carrying out an operation.
They instructed that those with money shud move to
the right while those without money should move to
the left.
The movement began but some moved niether left
nor right.
One of the robbers saw this.He hisses and shook his
head in shame,saying 'mtssss!dishonesty everywhere'
(look who's talking)....lol


2.During another operation,the robbers instructed.
"Maza su yi nan,mata su yi can"
Sai suka ga wani namiji tsamo tsamo a cikin mata.
Suka ce 'kai meka ke yi a cikin mata?Kai ba namiji bane?
Sai yace "a'a inaaa yallabai,ni ba namiji bane kune maza"
(he isn't man enuff.....) they couldnt help laughing.


3.The third one is a lousy one i guess,but here goes:
They were carrying out an operation.
If they searched you and found no money on you,
they'd ask your name and scratch it on your back
with a razor blade.
When they asked someone,he told them his name is I.K.
He knelt down and they painfully scratched I.K on his back.
As he was about to get up from his kneeling positon,his ID
card fell and they saw his name was Augustine Chukuemeka
Ikenna.............They stroke out the IK as you would strike a
mistake on paper and wrote his full name..........
(Allah sarki IK..)

Heyy heyy i'm not being devilish here.........
Allah ya kare mu.....Ameen.

[kitkat]

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have
a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only
know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. 'Want
to have some fun?'"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a
solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over
to my house and I will put them with my two male talking
parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible.

My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that
terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise
and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the
priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary
beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two
female parrots in with the male parrots and the female
parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and
exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been
answered!"

[kitkat]

another one!


Actual dialog of a former Wordperfect Customer Support
employee:

"Wordperfect Customer Support; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the
words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept
anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.

"Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall."

"Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there
were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and
find the other cable."

"Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into
the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way
over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's
because it's dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power outage."

"A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked
now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing
stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up
just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the
store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"TELL THEM YOU'RE TOO STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER!!!."

[gogannaka]

LOL LOL LOL
I cant stop laffing  :lol:  :lol:
Those parrots were saints.......lol

[sa salati]

Aayshaluv plz register diz in ur mind,huh.....we all aint clowns,plz lets get serious again

[sa salati]

plz aayshaluv,am sorry 4 d previous reply i posted.i culdnt come up wit somethin funny coz aint nuttin pretty but recently a friend of mine sent me a funny text though in a very nasty way.i decided 2 share it wit every
body.it goez like diz:
in a certain primary skool,durin exams ,d class uncle gave an exam quet dat every pupil shuld draw a female reproductive organ.as d exam waz on,a girl luked at d tiny lips in btw her legz and started drawin,den a boy saw her and shouted:uncle!,uncle!,shes copyin from d original!LOL  :lol: LOL :lol: