Do you agree or disagree on the below issue.
I know for a fact that some of you here are mummies, daddies, sons or daugthers......some of u are in their pre-teens, teenagers or adults but I would classify majority of these onliners in their twenties & ish...........who would someday become mummies & daddies to the next coming generation of kanoonliners. I just want to know your views & mayb leave it behind for yet to come next generation to hear what we think with regards to bringing up a child.
Northerners say the best way to train a child is to beat the child when he/she makes mistakes.
Westernised countries say the best way to treat a child is to talk to the child in a sense some sort of counselling.
I feel a little bit confused.........here. :-/
I would love to train not ma kids of course ::) my sistas children in the best way.
(TARBIYA) is wat northeres say.....they say smackin a child is best way to give tarbiya..........Childs rights protectors disagree sayin no parent should beat a child becuase he has a right to do wrongful acts :-/ and no one is above mistake & because they are innocent and barely too young to reason!!! :-/
Keep smackin a child like a donkey that @ the end of the day he will get used to beating........keep makin mistakes you keep beating a child...........wat do you have a complete donkey!!!!
Or always be on the edge of counselling talking to a child coaxing & soothing him...........he turns out to be a complete nuisance because all his parents ever do is talk to him!
But from my own fair reasoning (she laffs) I dont think beating a child is the right way to training.........I feel disgusted by it and I think its barbaric!! I am agaisnt it and I think it is the most evil way of bringing a child up.
On no circumstances and on no grounds will I ever hit a child no matter wat crime he/she does ever commit xcept iden sunki yin sallah!!!! :D Bringing religion inside.....I hav not read or heard 'bout BEAT a child on every single wrongful act they commit........but hausa/ fulaniz they will even hit their own children because they refuse to eat! I think child beating should be demolished and abolised in northern countries because it is not the best but far off the worst method of training a child.
But on the other hand, What good does couselling do? ........because children of nowadays simply dont listen.
But still how far would some parents turn their own children into animals.........into donkeys........as if they never gave birth to them!
Talking to children, is it the best way to train & bring up a child?
Beating!!!! is it the best way to bring up a child?
Onliners, you will all be mothers and fathers someday........what method would you use to bring up your child in training him to have the best possible behaviour as his/her out come? On the other hand how did what technique did your parents use to raise you up & made you what you are today?
WHICH IS WHICH TALKING/COUSELLING OR BEATING KAWAI!!!
Ummiitah, Thank you especially...for bringing up this topic!
Kano onliners,
Northerners view, westerner view... I'd say a little bit of both. Truefully, the right way of bringing up a child has nothing to do with the rod, its made up of teachings and corrections. The rod can never correct niether teach.Councelling is very important, too bad most northerners lack that skill. You should agree that the best way to convince man is to his/her heart. We should use morality, inspiration and words to bring up our kids just like the Holy Prophet (s.a.w) taught us.
But it is also true that kids of nowadays are a lil bit different...They dont listen, because thats the way they were brought up. I believe its due to the immorality...the way the kid was brought up in the first place. It is generally believed and practised especially in Africa to beat a child to correction, but that is a temporary situation, the child learns to resist, and the heart turns bad. Preety soon he gets the strenght to hit back. We face so many of that case this days. If we sit back and teach our children to enforce them on what they have to do instead of making them understand what they have to do, we regret their attitudes in the future. Yet the best way to train a child remains to councell them, and when they get outta hand, scare em with th rod... before its too late!. But what parents have failed is to learn their children, know how they think and what they want...its the best way to correct him/her when they go wrong.
I can remember when I do something bad, I'd pray to be beaten up than be "preached" upon ;) :P. I hate it!. Take your time to know your kids people...its worth it. ::)
Well I dont think counselling will ever work with some of our northern parents. I dont like thats idea of beating up a child. I believe counselling and preaching to a child is the best way to bring them up. What is the point of beating up a child. A father would simply beat a child up for not passing his exams, now what point does that acomplish? God has already had it that probably a child wont do well this exams :-/ to meye na duka.
I would go with Ummita, I dont think beating a child is the way to go about it. I believe talking is the best and a child can even open up to his parents.
Its like when a child does something wrong for the fear of getting beaten up by parents he would lie and deny the fact that he did something.
but if given a chance to explain or to be told it aint right a child will learn two things
not to lie and not to do what he did wrong again. So
I SAY ALL CHILDREN SHOULD BE FLOGGED, BEATEN OR SMACKED. YARAN YANZU BASU JIN MAGANA GA RASHIN KUNYA. NIDAI I WILL FOREVER BE READY TO BEAT UP MY KIDS IF THEY MESS ABOUT........KALAS!!!!!!
ko addinin mu yace adake yaro idan yayi lefe. Westernised rules are only leading us astray. How could a child do something wrong and for correction, you should only talk to a child. Ummita as you said you will only beat up a child if he/she refuses to say their daily prayers then is it not training them to follow the rightoues path? Is it is treu then of course beating a child could be a proper measure to train a child. There are void and voidable issues in which a parent can beat a child. Smacking is best described. As its not like a parent should use all force or any dangerous item to whip a child. Two smacks could be enough, but I wonder how we the northerners do it :-/
Wires
sticks
metal objects
is what some parents use to beat their children and as ummita said of course they gave birth to them and they are no donkeys, but I think smacking is one of the fastest means to train a child
...and most unreliable too my friend.
Things are more than what they seem. Smacking... kids learn to endure, and it wont work anymore, then they physically make themselves JAKKAI.
:oUmmita, if u like make u no beat ur pikin, so dat im no go be like de donkey wey u talk :-/
de way u dey talk, i swear e dey make me vex well well. ??? but no problem u talk am say u no get pikin. by de time u get am if e come do one kine thing, :o i swear u no fit hold those ur hands wey u carry type dat thing. na den u go use give am one kind blow for im nyash like Tyson wen im want defeat hollyfield for boxing. ;D
if de pikin sabi wayo im go hala u so tiye pple go think say na opc members dey persue u for lagos streets. :D
cheersssssssssss
my name is Eskimo
:o
QuoteI SAY ALL CHILDREN SHOULD BE FLOGGED, BEATEN OR SMACKED. YARAN YANZU BASU JIN MAGANA GA RASHIN KUNYA. NIDAI I WILL FOREVER BE READY TO BEAT UP MY KIDS IF THEY MESS ABOUT........KALAS!!!!!!
Kin burge ni wallahi yaran basa jin magana
Obviously this is a cultural issue; westerners say its child abuse, nigerians call it discipline. I think it could be either depending on the circumstances.
Spanking definitely has its place, but I think it should be sanctioned by the level/nature of the child's offense. I mean, children should not be beaten for failing their exams, like someone mentioned here. And I think it should be a last resort; not for every flimsly misbehavior.
Secondlyly, I also think that the manner in which the spanking is done/ instruments used is very important also. This is what makes the ultimate difference between 'spanking' and plain abuse. I've seen some ppl using whatever their hands could find (belt, shoe, extension cord), or both hands and feet, to knock their children around. I think spanking should be focused on one part of the body, like the hand, butt or back, and it should not be overdone, i.e. bleeding, swelling is clearly unacceptable.
One of my western friends told me that africans spank their children as the easy way out. I think its true in some cases, but after observing some of these american/canadian children for a while, I think a good dose of our sadistic secondary school teachers is well in order. Lack of respect, blatant immorality, in some cases shooting up the place - yea, i think a good 25 lashes on the bottocks should do them good lol. I dunno if I'll spank my kids; it depends on where i end up. If I settle in Nigeria, then yes. If in the West, then of course not. We have to be aware/accomodating of cultural differences.Plus there are many other ways of punishing children u know.
Interesting discussion,
True to god, must things we see and think are western cultures today are not in reality culture - culture here as a set of dogma that is believed to be the accepted ways of life. No, but ways of life that are a product of research.
You look at the history of social relation in the West today, you will see how they in the beginning found themselves in the same mind-set that believes beating children to be the most sure way of carving out gentle-men. But then as a result of research in the fields of psychology and psychoanalysis they developed a way that seems neater in child-training.
Well, I don?t really know may be the Hausa should take what the white man says hook line sinker and stop beating his children or conduct his own research in the field of psychoanalysis hereby coming-up with a better way of handling children. Or continue in his antiquated ways of doing things further distancing him-self from the term progress in the areas of social relations.
There are indeed many things we can learn from the West. But then if we say they are always wrong then we must bring-forth an alternative to we think is right. Mark you, when we we say alternative, it does not just mean an alternativve -----we mean a better one.
Well what can I say? Child beating, some parents take it to the limits! Child abuse in a way. There are many parents who beat their children not because they did wrong but simply because of the mere fact that they themselves (the parents) were frustrated, suffering from distress or emotionally traumatised then they will start over reacting on the children. I personally dont really think beating a child is the only means to train a child. There are so many ways to punish a child but not to beat. Akwai abubuwan da idan yaro yayi yaza ce yes! ya kamata a hukuntashi amman ba akan kananan abubuwa da basu kai sun kawo ba! Allah ya tarbiyar mana ya yaranmu ta hanyan addinin Islam (Amin)
Nice post Meeta
To me beating a child is just as spoiling him. How can a child confront his parents if he does wrong, when all they do is land on him like vultrons!! Beating is so ill and I consider it one of the sickening method to child upbringing. Puff! I wasnt broguth up that way yet I know I have a good behaviour to last me eternity. So please am all agaisnt this beating ::)
What do you to a child that's been crying and having tantrums for hours?
Give him a reason!!!!!!! ;D ;D ;D
I for one won't hesitate to spank a child when the occassion calls for it.
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I for one won't hesitate to spank a child when the occassion calls for it.
i guess that's vintage 'mama lagos' attitude lol
:-/ :-/ :-/ beatin is barbaric. kids can be frustratin and they push yu to do wot yu dont want to. but my belive is that when kids are young (i mean 2 to about 6) they shud only be shouted but not beatin when doin somethin wrong but as muslinci said when a child is 7yrs old if baiyi sallah he shud be beatin............. but i like the way we are brought up africans/nigerian i thank god i am african nigerian coz i swear some kids are far from wot we call moral behaviour. Allah dai ya kiyaye.
I dont think babaric is the right word to descrite child beating that's a strong or rather harsh word.Sometimes one dosen't know when he/she loses temper which results to beating most of the time..At times when someone beats a child unnecessarily he/ she regrets and at times apologises,but if the child really deserves spanking he really shud be spanked b'cos there r things that when a child does shud be punisshed severely.For example when a child abuses an elderly person he shud be punished else he'll/she'll adopt the habit..
I strongly believe that the best way to raise up a moral child is to ask God almiighty 4 assistance and the mother shud always pray 4 the child to be of good morals;since the mother's du'a is very important......allah ya bamu yaya' masu albarka kuma ya albarkaci zuriyar mu..ameen..
one thing i 4got (this is to my brothers out there)"when looking 4 a wife ku zaabo wadda take da tarbiyya +good upbringing that way u're assured of your children's good upbringing inshaallah
QuoteI dont think babaric is the right word to descrite child beating that's a strong or rather harsh word.Sometimes one dosen't know when he/she loses temper which results to beating most of the time..
What is best to describe beating then? Of course it is barbaric! Is it not barbaric to carry something, like a big rod, cable or a big branch of a tree and start beating a child with no feelings! That child is crying! that child is hurt! That child has blood marks! That child is being beaten upon by a grown up person whose strength cannot be compared to that of a child but very overpowering! That child is crying seeking for forgiveness stating that he/she will never do what they did wrong but the parent or who so ever wont listen! They beat their children that will live them with marks till the end eternity and GOGANNAKA YOU SAY ITS NOT BARBARIC OR WE SHOULD NOT DESCRIBE IT AS BARBARIC? ::)
And agains you said its temper!!!
Oh give me a break!!!!!!!!!!! if a parent cant control his/her temper so the child is an animal for the parent to unleash their temper simply because they cannot control it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!? So the child becomes a beating bag! or an object for parents to take it out (their temper) on a child? If at all they fill their child has done wrong, why cant they control their temper, sit a child down and vehemently inform him of his wrong doings and stating why its wrong and tell him of the right thing to do.....!!!!!!!
I strongly say that beating a child is not the key element to a successful way of bringing up a child. As a member stated in this thread that she was not being beaten up by her parents yet she is proud to speak up that she has a very good behaviou and the way her parents broguht her up indicates that beating is not the way to train onces child!!!!!!!!!!! I am very much with the thread starter (ummita) am with you. Duka ba shibane HANYAR TARBIYAR DA YARA (KADAI) A DUNIYANNAN.
Haba nafeey,u're still insisting that "barbaric" is a right word for describing beating?
Please try and understand what i mean.I'm not ssaying that beatin is a very good way of training a child, but to face the reality it's not always that one can control his temper especially when dealing with kids.thats why i said at times one regrets after beatin a child...
pls note that i'm just not convinced that beatin a child for diciplinary measures be described as barbaric.If it could,then what can u say about the prohet's(s.a.w) saying that a child that reaches the age of 10 can be beaten for not performing his prayers..
if i may ask u are u the type that never lose ur temper?coz i wud like to hav freinds(maybe a wife also) that never lose their temper ;)
hhhmm gnaka describin beatin as barbaric might be right coz it only animals that are to be beaten coz they cant speak but when it on human especially kids then i think that cud be barbaric thats is why kids shud not let there parent treat them as animals since they can speak but beatin kids :'( that are small whom cant even speak i think gaskiya it barbaric some people beat kids out of frustration which is not fair a child that does not know yes or no shud not be beaten... i love kids and i dont think i will ever use a hand on my kids only exceptions.
u see u said "exceptions"kin gani thats why i reject the word barbaric .it's too harsh
Islamically it is allowed to beat your children when they misbehave but its up to you to decide how to come about it, ok. Definitely the way some parents beat their children is HARSH but its them that will take them to hospital if they injured them.
The issue of whether it is allowed or not should not be a problem to a Muslim except if your Iman is weak (i.e the westerners have gotten what they want from you and you think their way is better).
You can beat your child but in a reasonable and sensible way. Also you may choose not to beat him and talk to him. Thats your own cup of tea. For me I No go beat my child cos I tried it and it worked with my nephew.
My nephew was "afraid" of me but not afraid of my brothers and sisters because I was the only one that don't beat him. Mostly ina zare mashi ido ne kuma yayi sosai. The thing is that if you have what he wants, he will do what you want.
Hey you know that Islamically you can even beat your wife if she misbehaves right (with a clothe).
Salamu alaikum
there's a lot to beating....rather than callin it barbarism.....
personally...i dont see myself beating my kids or beating up any others.....coz i never beat my younger siblings....
u know....i was against beating kids...until YESTERDAY....WHAT I SAW YESTERDAY....sorry to say this but some kids need a good smack upside their backheads!
see we have children that are just madd strong headed no matter how nice u are or what u do to them...now those need arrangement of their bone structures....
aiight tell ya what....I personally think that PARENTS should be the ONLY ones to lay hands on their kids....and when i say lay hands i dont mean brutal beating...the parents know whats good for their kids and dont want the kid to repeat the same mistake again. anyways,,,, no parents would beat up their kids like goats...
and that is why i think TEACHERS beating kids should be legally banned...coz most of the time the teachers's will take out on the kids with their own frustration and other personal problems...especially that the child isnt theirs....they dont care what harm or damage they will do to the poor soul....
parents too shouldnt be the type to beat their children for every atomic mistake they make......a parents should try to scold more than beating.... beating should be done in very rare cases...that is if the child did something very VERY bad. coz if u keep beating ur child everyday....the child will get used to it and will be like more care free....
a child should be taught that beating is done when he or she greatly misbehaved.....so the kid wouldnt get too used to da beating and would be scared that he will be beaten up if he's done something majorly bad....
hmmmm did yall get what im trying to say.....??
peace salam.....
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Salamu alaikum
there's a lot to beating....rather than callin it barbarism.....
personally...i dont see myself beating my kids or beating up any others.....coz i never beat my younger siblings....
u know....i was against beating kids...until YESTERDAY....WHAT I SAW YESTERDAY....sorry to say this but some kids need a good smack upside their backheads!
see we have children that are just madd strong headed no matter how nice u are or what u do ?to them...now those need arrangement of their bone structures....
aiight tell ya what....I personally think that PARENTS should be the ONLY ones to lay hands on their kids....and when i say lay hands i dont mean brutal beating...the parents know whats good for their kids and dont want the kid to repeat the same mistake again. anyways,,,, no parents would beat up their kids like goats...
and that is why i think TEACHERS beating kids should be legally banned...coz most of the time the teachers's will take out on the kids with their own frustration and other personal problems...especially that the child isnt theirs....they dont care what harm or damage they will do to the poor soul....
parents too shouldnt be the type to beat their children for every atomic mistake they make......a parents should try to scold more than beating.... beating should be done in very rare cases...that is if the child did something very VERY bad. coz if u keep beating ur child everyday....the child will get used to it and will be like more care free....
a child should be taught that beating is done when he or she greatly misbehaved.....so the kid wouldnt get too used to da beating and would be scared that he will be beaten up if he's done something majorly bad....
hmmmm did yall get what im trying to say.....??
peace salam.....
Assalamu alaikum, What you said is straight forward and i think is an ideal way of upbringing any child.
Well said Fulanicious. We shouldn't throw away the baby with the bathwater. And seriously, after observing the West's painful destruction - or as they would liike to call it, 'redefinition' - of the family structure, I think this is one point on which we can afford to give ourselves a LITTLE pat on the back.
For all I know and for all I care.........if beyound reasonable doubt a child does wrong. That butt will should surely go red. I dont tolerate anything. Am a no-nonsense taker from a child. I wont go to that extend to say its barbaric beating a child, but if Islam advices a little spanking. Very well northerners take it to the extremes when beating their child to CORRECT THEM. I do agree to beating a child only if he does wrong and in a very reasobbdid not say brutalise your child or turn him into a donkey. nable way.
::)please ::) which african child do you think will sit and listen to mummy sayin "oh dont do it again its very bad, now you can go continue playing" what makes you think he wont do worse than before? Ansa me?
But when he does wrong, mummmy pulls down those boxers and makes sure that black butt turns red.........wat makes you think that if he cant sit his butt proper wont make him stop!!!!!!? Children of nowaday dont take to talking. A child should me spanked when he does wrong.
All those saying they object blah blha .................just trying to be so westernised and all that. When your forefathers raised ya'all, ya'all didnt know anything like couselling or talking it over.......sai yanzu!!!!!!!! ::) A child, I repat should be flogged when he does wrong.
Sannunku masu iyayin "yan kada a doki yara"
I hereby raise ma case. :P hey I missed everybody
;) no one cud've said it better than 1/2sy..Trust ya ;)
I was discussing this topic with my uncle and he gave me this little story.
wani mutum ne yana da yaronshi about three or four yrs old.they slept in the same room(father mother and child).every time the boy would wake up and ask his mother he wants to eat this he wants to eat that e.t.c.maman sai tayi ta fada sai baban ya ce mata haba da'allah ki je ki samo mai abin da yake so saboda kar ya hana mu barci...the poor mum would then go and fetch the boy what he wants....one day the mother was pregnant and was admitted in the hospital so the boy was left with his father...deep in the night the boy woke up and said"baba zan ci burabisco"(a kind of food hard to prepare)baban ya juya yace "me" yaron yace "zan ci burabisco" angrily the father swooped his hand under the bed and found a very good shoe...haba he started beatin the child like what..the boy cried and cried(poor him ) .
When the mother came out from the hospital, after some few days she realized the boy dosen't disturb anymore,she asked the father if he had noticed it and he told her the story "wai kawai yaron nan ya tashi da tsakar dare wai zai ci burabisco" she said "ai da ka tashi ka samo masa" to me kayi masa ya" and he told her what he did to the boy...tho she was'nt happy but at least she didn't hav to always wake up to serve the boy
so ina masu cewa ba za a daki yara ba? ? ? ? ?
:o ::)Tell them let them hear it loud and clear,they want to emulate oyingbo, :-[ :-[ :-[and they dont know that oyingbo mentality is diifferent,look at their children they are mannerless, ???and dont even have pity for their parent,and their culture is different from ours. :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :ouh i am out
i will talk for the north,
we all know what western culture has taken them to.
Alhamdulillah its the way our parents bring us up that has so far kept us good muslims.
a lady asked my mother when i was young, probably 7, why a cane was hung to the wall always in our drawing room. and she said....
"Annabi yace gidan da aka rataya bulala, yaran gidan bassa fitina".
oh yes someone might talk of the prosperity and technological advancement of the west,
but honestly in Islam bieng rich isnt a goal.
I agrre with the beating of the child to some extent but at the same time other ways are possible. The person I fear the most in my life is my dad and I can only remember once that he bit me with counter "charbi" and it was because I bit hit some doughter of our housegirl.
All he does is to deny me what I want and that works a lot. If a child wants to ride horse, if he misbehave don't give him and next time he won't do what he did. If chocolate is the childs wish, don't give him unless he behaves well. This atleasr works with me and I strongly agree with all the sides of the argument.
It depends on how you raise a child that you will punish him. If he is raised in a crowdy area like in Kano City, definitely talking will not work but if its in quiet area, beating will not work.
To the parents, don't listen to what others have to say about raising your child. Just look back at your early years if you can remember and how your experiences are for someone bringing up his child then do what you have to do. As long as you are old enough to have the child, then you should be old enough to make decisions and decipline him.
One thing that I think is missing in the northerners parenthood is that mostly, the father leaves the house and the mother with children, he never knows what happens and comes back and ask the wife how they are. "Lafiya lau", she will say and they will only talk about them a few minute. The fathers don't normally sit with their children(boys) and talk to them about mens issues as much as the mother does for her daughter.
Good Topic Ummita.
My sibling sisters they dont say beating the say (NASTY CALL)
Just a couple of days ago I heard a shocking story. A yoruba woman gave her daugther the donkiest beating that left her daughter paralized from navel down. The girl was not given MEAT (imagine akan naman miya) so she sneaked to the kitchen and took a piece of meat. The mother found out that a piece was missing. She she gave her daughter NASTY!!!! and now the girl is paralysed for life. (subhanallah)
When I was a little boy (aged 9yrs).I was very naughty, but my mother has never laid a hand on me, but she threatens me saying (zan maka allura) anyway I was very curios about injections. I was so curios trying to inject somebody on my own. My aunty was a Doctor and she normally keeps her First Aid box out of our reach. I stood on a stool & opened the box. I took out a syringe and a dose of choloquine, dragged the whole thing out and injected her little toddler who was just 3 yrs. She gave me the donkiest beating of my life,. gave me a nasty call. Later another shocker!! we learnt that even the chloroquine dose was expired. Since that day I never went near a first aid box.
So now beating left a girl paralysed, beating taught me a lesson that I will never repeat again.....but still I dont think I will ever give my wife the orders to lay hand on my child. I dont want the Yoruba mistake happening on my child.
THE CHYLD IS PARALYZED NOW....AWWW
POBRESITA! AYY
SEE THATS WHY PARENTS SHOULD KNOW THEIR OWN GROUNDS.....WALLAH WANNAN POVERTY KE BUGGIN NASU....HOW CAN U BEAT A CHILD OVER A MEAT! SOO MUCH THAT...R U SURE ITS HER OWN DAUGHTER???
NOW WHAT UR MOMMA DID TO U WAS 190% CORRECT!
I WOULD HAVE GIVEN U MORE MA! KAI!
ANYWAYZZZ I AM SUCH A LAID BACK PERSON COZ WHATEVER THE DISRESPECT MY SISTERS DO TO ME...I NEVER HIT THEM EVEN IF I TRY THEY JUST LAUGH AT ME...
SO ITS LIKE EACH SUMEMR INSTEAD OF SUMEMR SKOOLZ, ILL SEND MI KIDZ TO THEIR GRANNY....MY MOM...HAH! NOW SHE IS HOTTER THAN FIRE WHEN IT CUMZ TO DISCIPLINE! FLAWLESS FIRE LADY--her middle name
better be beaten than to be INJECTED with xpired chloroquine lol@papi.
hey papi welcome back ;) ummita as well ;D
Thanx Gogannaka..........
(she laffs) really? Gogannaka............it wasnt easy with those itchy chloroquine experiences ryt?............. :P
To be quite honest, I have read alot bout this issue and I have reasoned with alot of ppls view, but all the same why hit a child? Any person in the right mental capacity should know that children are bound to make mistakes and of course it is the duty of the parents to put them right & not 2 batter them. Theres a difference b/w hitting a child, beating a child, spanking a child and battaering a child. Islamically it stated that it is permissable for the parents to spank their kids if they refuse to pray. Now how many parents spank their children? No they dont spank they beat. And to me beating is just like battering an innconet soul who is bound to make mistakes & beyound reasonable doubt we all know the minds & brains of children is different from ours. It is our duty to guide them. However we should not turn them into animals I dont have children of my own, but I feel it is my duty to train (eg my aunts kids) not even her kids, any muslim child, we have duty on any muslim child we see doing wrong, it is our duty to put them straight, for my aunts kids I dont beat them, I actually deprive them of having what they like....I stop them from having(lets say) sweets, I send them 2 bed early......& do u know it really really works. Because what hurts children is not having what they want but getting what they dont like.
Honestly to me, hitting children does not improve their behavior. It seemed in fact to be reinforcing the very behaviors parents are trying to eliminate. Beating a child will in no doubt perpetuate a cycle of child abuse. Parents who hit their children are also teaching them to hit someone smaller and weaker when angry. Just like Papi said, beating left a girl paralysed, absolutely injuries occur.! There have been issues of the past about children's deaths due to corporal punishment. Not only parents even schools that use corporal punishment often have poorer academic achievement, more vandalism, truancy, pupil violence and higher drop. Beating is often not used as a last resort. It is often the first resort for minor misbehaviors. Spanking hinders development of empathy, remorse, and compassion. The child focuses on the pain rather than the effect of his or her behavior on others. The natural human reaction to being hurt is a flood of anger and fear reaction. This ensures that your child cannot listen, think, or feel remorseful while in the midst of a painful experience. What good does it do, you have finished (giving ur child NASTY, as papi said ;)) but it doesnt do any good.Now why wont we take a pity on these souls, that dont know the difference b/w ryt or wrong @ a tender age? I am sorry (Eskimo) yah u can get upset but I would not (by Allahs will) I will not hit a child neither would I raise my hands on anybodys child as a means of putting them staight.
Dear Ummi,
I saw the recent response you posted on this subject and disagree with you on the alternative punishment of sending child to bed early. Here is a piece on sleep disturbance in children please. Thanks.
ZARAMI
SENDIN a child to bed early....OOH GURL..wazzup wit chu wake up and smell life that doesnt work!...
OH SURE, a child sniffs bamboo...SEND EM TO BED EARLY
YEAH..a chyld cumz home drunk...SEND EM TO BED EARLY
Hmm a child comes home from clubbin..SEND EM TO BED
A CHILD curses his elders..sure why not send em to bed early
A chyld cums home pregnant....PLS tuck her to bed early!
YEAH AND THEN THE WORLD WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE! ::)
..I would have been a much more cheerful person if my momma sent me to bed early!! ?:-/
Send them to bed?hum i am with u fulanicous,so is after the damage has already being done?i am against beating child to some extent but not completely,a lttle tap here and there will do.
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a child sniffs bamboo...SEND EM TO BED EARLY
a chyld cumz home drunk...SEND EM TO BED EARLY
a child comes home from clubbin..SEND EM TO BED
a chyld cums home pregnant....PLS tuck her to bed early!
Oh puhleeeeeez ma sista!! rominate deep! Now u tell me......those list of bad behaviours u enlisted up there its OBVIOUS a lil kid wud in NO way any of those.... Now tell me teeanagers, grown ups or babies? .......tell me, at wat age would any reasonable person expect a child 2 du these?........
ok wud a 5 yr old sniff Ganja?
Wud a 5 yr old go clubbin?
Wud a 4 yr old get pregnant?
or wud a 3yrs old BABY get drunk?
If these could be termed as the impossbile then I c no reason why an appropriate punishment like sending them 2 BED aint ryt?
Ok ok!!!!! obviously I wouldnt send my 23yr old daugther 2 bed, if she came home drunk, pregnantor is on drugs or alcohol.......As tym flies as days goes by & as children grown....common!!! its obvious my system of punishement will definately CHANGE, no not corporal punishment.
Now send a four yr old 2 bed early shut off their lights(watching their cartoons) 2 bed......It personally works 4 my (grand kids). I am not also enforcin MY own strategy of punishment 2 kids 4 their unlawful behaviour or 4 their nuisance way, RATHER I am suggestin that 4 those that have kids who r @ age group of (say) 3-6yrs it could be possible that sending them 2 BED works!
And finally sendin them 2 bed is not d only strategy I proposed as a reasonable way of dealing with kids for their gross misconducts.......How about deprivin 'em from wat they like best, scolding them, holdin long tlks blah blah blah....but not beating.....
Finally 2 digress this issue abit....even some married men beat up their women!!! ....
Hafys darlin, I have read ur comments but I will hav 2 say......(u know better ;) ) but still I wouldnt recommend that beating any person who does wrong is right, besides no one is above mistake!
As this applies 2 d same issue @ stake, & 4 those that encourage spanking/beating lets talk about beating GROWN UPS....yeah adults Yeas :o some ppl do it! Now Hafsy, supposin ur husby gave u a beatin 4 not gettin his breakfast on tym, wen u r juss 5mins late......ITS RYT? Its abosultely ryt wen he lives u with marks? Its totally ryt 2 give u a black eye? Its perfectly so alryt if u fell ill due 2 d severe beatings u received? And nooo there isnt any problem @ all if u end up DEAD!! Now it is extactly wat is happenin with children who receive beatings from their parents....
Back 2 those who oppose 2 sendin kids 2 bed early 4 MINOR & NOT MAJOR MISTAKES...so Zarami.....I should not send a kid 2 bed if he has been duin my head-in, say....(by cryin non-stop)Am I not duin ma self gud? ..cuz only then, I cud hav a piece of my mind back 2gether.....& hello!!! @ d end of d day that kid will fall asleep. But definately not will I send a husby 2 bed 4 beatin his wifey? Cummon if u understand wat I mean........besides a child and an adult there is this HUGE (sense gap)!!! So for any mistake a person should be beaten both adult & children ryt? ::)Age gap implies wen it comes to discipline.!!!!! I wud send a very young kid 2 bed early..........4 misbehaviour as simple as that.
Beating teaches that hitting others is morally correct. That means it's only correct if the other person is doing something wrong and won't stop it. A child rarely walks up to another child and hits him or her for no reason. A child hits another child for taking a toy and not giving it back or for calling a name and not stopping. When parents hit children for misbehavior it's no wonder it increases the probability of children hitting each other ::)
Supposin my child seizes a toy off my neigbour, its right if I get my mules or loffers & start hittin a child....(sai kace wata maihauka).....I will get d toy back 2 d owner..drag my child inside, tell him he'z wrong & owes my negibours son an apology, if he tries 2 give me an atty......am sendin u 2 get....shuttin d lights out.....& bannin u from wat u like. Kapish!. Ma aunts kids...sometimes I dont evensend them, I juss say I will put u in d dark...End of story they stop!
And my biggest worry is, even if beating is d way some parents choose 2 bring up their kids......haba!!! some parents beat their kids lyk they will neva c 2moro. A woman was spankin her kid juss cuz he doesnt wan2 drink water......OH IT IS PERFECTLY ALRYT
Not surprisingly, spanked children grow up to spank their own children anyway ::)
By d way KILISHI u r welkom
ummita u said u had grand children? ??? ???
U dont know? :o oh boi u r lost!!! YES TRULLY I DU HAV GRAND KIDS.....Yeah... yeah I know...its strange 2 hav old women surfin d net!!!..but I think its quite an acceptable 4 an n old woman surfs d net.....& drops comments in kanoonline ko?
loool maybe u shoould be founder
"cybergrannies of kanoonlline" ;D ;D
Mi amora,
Come on....me iz not talking about 3 or 4 or 5 or even up to 10 years old.......punishing them is even wrong...its like punishing angels...they are angels!!!! whats a worse a 5 year old do? spill a coffe on ur silk dress? (lets pls forget Lpapiez case)..... anywayzzz those u dont even need to send them to their rooms.......
thats too harsh.... for example if they spill coffee....just take them to the kitchen and direct them to get a cloth and clean the table...tahts all... just advice them what to do...no beating or punishment required coz they r just learning stuff..... besides i personally think its cute when a toddler does crazy things.. hehehe
BUT I BE TALKING ABOUT HARD CORE KIDZ...from 12 and above....no goody -goody just send them to MY MOMMA!
Quote.... besides i personally think its cute when a toddler does crazy things.. hehehe
be careful what you wish for... Dem toddlers can raise hell sometimes... Remember Dennis The Menace?
QuoteGood Topic Ummita.
When I was a little boy (aged 9yrs).I was very naughty.
Ai kai you were more than a terrorist ::) Uncle Ladies Papi
As I have stated earlier, beating a child is not what you can call discipline. In school the teacher beats your child for not doing his homework. He comes home mummy hits him for not doing his homework, because he was sent with a letter home addressing the parents. He finally does the work and submits it the next day. He gets 15 strokes for failing number 10 which is simultaneous equation. He goes out during lunch to play in the play ground, school bullies beat him up! He goes home with a shreaded school uniform, father beats him up for waisting his uniform why "because DADDY paid for the uniform, after mummy joins in, why? Because she said I should never be clumsy.
Habaaaaaaa!!! HABA! HABA! They are human being and not species. To me this is CHILD ABUSE.
And for men that beat women, nidai idan nasan ban saba ma addinin musulunci ba based on marriage and a man dares lay a hand on me!!!..mhmmmmm :-X :-X :-Xmhmmmmm kai bari dai nayi shiru
When I was training to be a teacher we did child psychology and I remember the lecturer arguing that if a child learns early enough to be obedient beating will never be necessary.
Up to 18 months is the best time to instil obedience in a child he told us and a small child is very susceptible to a strong tone of voice. If the child is very stubborn a stinging smack on the buttocks or the back of the hand (which pains but does no damage) will reinforce the message "NO" and the child will become very biddable. Learning to do what it it is told before 18 months and showing respect becomes a very good habit as the child grows up.
Many silly white people have developed a theory that a child should do as it likes when it is very young. "It will learn by its mistakes" is their theory. Like it will learn that the ground is very hard when it falls out a three storey window or kills itself by sticking its fingers into the electric socket! These children are the ones you see the parents beating - as the theory has proved to be wrong, the child won't do what it is told and the parents can't control them. If you have no control early on you can't then get control when the child is adolescent - and beating makes the behaviour worse - even to the extent of hitting back.
QuoteWhen I was training to be a teacher we did child psychology and I remember the lecturer arguing that if a child learns early enough to be obedient beating will never be necessary.
Up to 18 months is the best time to instil obedience in a child he told us and a small child is very susceptible to a strong tone of voice. If the child is very stubborn a stinging smack on the buttocks or the back of the hand (which pains but does no damage) will reinforce the message "NO" and the child will become very biddable. Learning to do what it it is told before 18 months and showing respect becomes a very good habit as the child grows up.
Many silly white people have developed a theory that a child should do as it likes when it is very young. "It will learn by its mistakes" is their theory. Like it will learn that the ground is very hard when it falls out a three storey window or kills itself by sticking its fingers into the electric socket! These children are the ones you see the parents beating - as the theory has proved to be wrong, the child won't do what it is told and the parents can't control them. If you have no control early on you can't then get control when the child is adolescent - and beating makes the behaviour worse - even to the extent of hitting back.
Some theories are not applicable,'cos every child has his own peculiarity.
Assalamu alaikum,
Islam enjoined parents to protect their their children from all evils of Saytan[LA], by educating, counselling and advising them on their ways of lives, according to the dictates of Al-Islam. In the course of doing these tasks parents are allowed to beat their children only when they (children) attained the age of seven years (7) but not before. At the age of seven parents can scourge their wards, for instance, if they refuse to say their salat (prayers). The parents therefore have the responsibility of teaching the child the importance of all aspects of worship.
I remain convinced that the above islamic method is more preferrable in dealings with children. More information could be obtain from my little book, 'Hakkin Jarirai da Yara akan Uwaye'
Thanks ummita for initiating this important discourse.
Wassalamu alaikum.
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Some theories are not applicable,'cos every child has his own peculiarity.
If that is so, then y not adopt & apply a theory which will b applicable 2 ur childs peculiarity. Obviously not every sort of punishment works 4 every child. If a child does wrong................a theory u can apply KILISHI(Go directly, see wat d child is duin & tell him he musnt)! Parentage is a very important profession in life, for a parent 2 b'cum a professional they hav 2 apply the best way 2 train their kids. If if they think beating is by far the best way to bring up & discipline a child, then I dont think that person fits d role of parent 2 d child. Why? Sooner or later that child will get used to beating & wat point does it make wen a leaopard does not change his spots or change his feelings that spots r rather a credit? :-/
They beat children but it doesnt change their ways!
Kanoonliners:All protocols duly observed.
Ummita,
I sincerely enjoyed 'ur comments on child upbringing,but as a new member I would like to begin with a short one.
To me, I don't regard beating or maltreatment of children as a solution to morality.The act of being good or bad actually depends on the way we study the personality of our children.
The way they behave and relate with their immeadiate environment is very imprtant to us. It is very vital to teach a child good habit;show him how to respect his elders and senior ones. If she/he went wrong somewhere, try and correct
them in a polite manner.Make them realise their mistakes by telling them the implications of disobedience and indiscipline.As regards to white man's way of child rearing, I would want to u to believe that its the best way 'cos he values human being more than the blacks.The white man is very good in the management of human resources. The only fallacy to his school of thought is too much freedom. As far northerners, i want to say its the hard way among the illetrate ones and the fairest way among the literates.There4 ummita, kindness, love, care and affection are very useful to the upbringing of a child.
Nura.
Quote
If that is so, then y not adopt & apply a theory which will b applicable ?2 ur childs peculiarity. Obviously not every sort of punishment works 4 every child. If a child does wrong................a theory u can apply KILISHI(Go directly, see wat d child is duin & tell him he musnt)! Parentage is a very important profession in life, for a parent 2 b'cum a professional they hav 2 apply the best way 2 train their kids. If if they think beating is by far the best way to bring up & discipline a child, then I dont think that person fits d role of parent 2 d child. Why? Sooner or later that child will get used to beating & wat point does it make wen a leaopard does not change his spots or change his feelings that spots r rather a credit? :-/
They beat children but it doesnt change their ways!
By the time u get the children you will understand what i mean ;D ::) ::)dem go show u pepper :P
To the best of my knowledge I believe beating is not the best. Though I'm not a father yet(about to be),I think the best way to train a child is by councelling and talking. It really helps. In fact that is the option we opted for.
Beating will just succeed in hardening the child. I believe there are more civilised ways of correcting a child. Beating is the most primitive way. I pray to God never to raise my hands on my children. My father never raised his on me.
Lest I forget I will only raise my hand on my child if he or she refuse to pray at the age of seven(7). May God never let me see that day.
Where I stand on the issue of beating a child is I believe it is ok to correct ur child through light physical contact. What I mean is if a child crosses the line the parent could spank the kid, not to the extent where the kid would have a scare the next day. No it should be done in a manner where by it does hurt the child but lightly so that the kid learns not to do that thing again. I remember as a child whenever I did something wrong my mum would spank me (she never 1s spanked me 2 the extent where it hurt the next day or left a scar) and then I would go 2 my room and I would realise what I did wrong and I would not do that thing ever again. 4 me personally, God willing when I do have kids I would punish them psychologically (I learnt that from my dad), when ever they do something wrong I would give them this cold look at immediately they would know they have done something wrong. Now dont get me wrong this does not instil fear into the kids it instils respect. All in all I would give my wife the green light 2 spank my kids if they do something wrong (not 2 the extent where by she leaves scares on them). ?
QuoteWhere I stand on the issue of beating a child is I believe it is ok to correct ur child through light physical contact.
Light Contact?!!!!! :o Wat? Who du u think wud give lyt contact as in say.........a spank @ their back? If u tlkin bout Nigerians most especially northerners theres no such thing as litht contact.....however theres blows & real corporal punishments ::)
Quote
Light Contact?!!!!! :o Wat? Who du u think wud give lyt contact as in say.........a spank @ their back? If u tlkin bout Nigerians most especially northerners theres no such thing as litht contact.....however theres blows & real corporal punishments ::)
haba ,ai kowa yasan na yoruba sabi beat their child like donkey,but is minimal in the north
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haba ,ai kowa yasan na yoruba sabi beat their child like donkey,but is minimal in the north
TRUE
They wiill keep on agreeing and disagreeing,some of them na lash be their breakfast but here :-X :-X
I believe children need love, good care and counselling makes better and well behaved kids. Beating i think can be a little harsh to kids..........
Guduma, why are you resurrecting these old threads?
I am of the opinion that beating a child will only help issues on a short-term basis. You beat a child all it's life, you are going to end up with a really messed up adult. The beaten child will directly or indirectly end up with enough psychological trauma to last a lifetime. And nobody will notice it till when it's usually too late. So many of people's psychological or mental problems are linked greatly with what happened to them as children. What I endeavour to do is talk to the child, it's not a brainless animal, you just have to know how to communicate effectively with it.
QuoteI am of the opinion that beating a child will only help issues on a short-term basis. You beat a child all it's life, you are going to end up with a really messed up adult. The beaten child will directly or indirectly end up with enough psychological trauma to last a lifetime. And nobody will notice it till when it's usually too late. So many of people's psychological or mental problems are linked greatly with what happened to them as children. What I endeavour to do is talk to the child, it's not a brainless animal, you just have to know how to communicate effectively with it.
I strongly agree with fastboi here.HABA!!!!we wre talking about human beings here not animals!And the most innocent of all being at that.I believe that any parent who hits his/her child is the one with the problems not the child.
*HISS*
This is how all of you will or have already spoilt rotten your children, if a child misbehaves set the record straight!!!! KOBOKO/BULALA please! ::) 3 strokes will be enough I didnt say turn pikin into donkey.......Abeg all of you are yannin nohnsihenz ::) wait till you have children of your own, if they do u shege, you will know worra I mean. (infact I just happen to smack my aunt daugther for pourin water on the bed because I diluted her cordial ::) after smacking her she is now an angel for the time being
for all that oppose to hitting a child are pure rantinggggggg kawai, harda ke (a.k.a) Honey combs chika beeheeve by meh(ummita) ::) ;D
MAGANA YA KARE..............................
I am a young mother and my daughter is just getting to the age that discipline is going to become an issue. I don't agree with beating a child, especially a young child as they won't understand fully why you are beating them. In my opinion, a little slap on the hand whilst using a cross tone is one of the best ways of showing them that what they have done is bold. Every parent has their own way of disciplining their own children but I do believe that beating them is wrong but having said that if that was they way you were raised it might be the only way you know how to discipline your child. :D
:-[ :-[ :'(i think i disagree with all of u most especially da girl not da lady, beating a child is not da solution at all, they say there are many ways to catch a thief so are there many ways to stop a child frm doing bad things, when a child is doing wrong (3-10) stop him frm getting some goodies let him know u would not let him/her ve it untill he/she stops what ever he is doing or going to do. and when a child is at da age of 10.......till old age, what they need is advice what i mean ve a heart too heart talk with them all da time, at least all way ve time for ur kid. i ve seen this work before it is da best, children r not animals u beat with a stick to correct evil ways cos it will come to a time they will enjoy doing evil and say after all i ll only get a beating at home. so pls dont make that mistake,get close enough to ur kid to know him and understand him/her better. :-/
Thnx all ;D
Nidai kan ban yarda a daki yara ba idan sunyi laifi. Amma idan sunki yin sallah akan lokaci to a dake su amma ba sosai ba.
Quote from: Bashir Ahmad on January 13, 2010, 02:10:21 PM
Nidai kan ban yarda a daki yara ba idan sunyi laifi. Amma idan sunki yin sallah akan lokaci to a dake su amma ba sosai ba.
Allah ko? When I was young I use to received beating that you cant imagine. I lost my finger nail due to beating I was about 7 years old.
I and my sister have contemplate running away. Little things as small as gagagin-barci when ask leave the sitting room and go to our room to sleep. If gagagin-barci made you come back or forget to go and pee before going to bed, the beating is only Allah that could come to our rescure.
Who could remember electric kettle code the ones in the 80s or radio code those things finish in our bodies. one time they have to get me a new school uniform, because my white Magwan special primary school uniform was socked in blood and torn all from beating. Guess what I did? I lied to save myself because i was going thru interogation of why i am told to go to sleep but i came back and sleep on the sofa.
Why I lied is becaused I was so little that I dont know what gagagin-barci is, so i said 'ba komai' (no reason). What my parent hate to hear. Beating start i cant say ba komai again i have to say this lie and that lie to save myself to no avail.
However I still believe beating children could be necessarry sometimes. Because I,am happy of the man I become today. However I could not beat my children that bad. There should be limit
wow, an old but important thread indeed. i nearly lost the
point if not my patience to finish IBBs post, however, at the
end, its says all.
there is definitely a limit to beating, amma no beating at all?
sam sam, though still depends on the type of child God gave
you.
Quote from: IBB on January 13, 2010, 03:29:07 PM
Quote from: Bashir Ahmad on January 13, 2010, 02:10:21 PM
Nidai kan ban yarda a daki yara ba idan sunyi laifi. Amma idan sunki yin sallah akan lokaci to a dake su amma ba sosai ba.
Allah ko? When I was young I use to received beating that you cant imagine. I lost my finger nail due to beating I was about 7 years old.
I and my sister have contemplate running away. Little things as small as gagagin-barci when ask leave the sitting room and go to our room to sleep. If gagagin-barci made you come back or forget to go and pee before going to bed, the beating is only Allah that could come to our rescure.
Who could remember electric kettle code the ones in the 80s or radio code those things finish in our bodies. one time they have to get me a new school uniform, because my white Magwan special primary school uniform was socked in blood and torn all from beating. Guess what I did? I lied to save myself because i was going thru interogation of why i am told to go to sleep but i came back and sleep on the sofa.
Why I lied is becaused I was so little that I dont know what gagagin-barci is, so i said 'ba komai' (no reason). What my parent hate to hear. Beating start i cant say ba komai again i have to say this lie and that lie to save myself to no avail.
However I still believe beating children could be necessarry sometimes. Because I,am happy of the man I become today. However I could not beat my children that bad. There should be limit
Sorry. I can imagine it. Ina ganin dukan yara yana cikin hanyoyi na tarbiyya. Domin ko musulunci ya zayyana cewa za'a iya dukan yaro in ya kai wasu shekaru baya sallah. Amma fa duka bai kamata ya zamo na ko da yaushe ba. Kuma sai in har ta kama ayi dukkan, sannan ba dukan lahanta yaro ba.
Ya ma za'ace anbar yara
ba kwabo ina ma zaiyiwu
ina ma dan dukan ya akacika
Its a good post and words has deep meaning.Really nice.
Parents should cultivate an atmosphere of love with their children.
Fear is the best feeling a child should have about hi/her parents.
You, the parent, ios the one adviser who should normally never lead the child astray.
If he/she cant find a listening ear from you, they'd seek it someone else, God forbid they find it from the wrong person who'd lead them astray.