Depression and Repentance

[Mujib]

Depression and Repentance
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Answered by Shaykh Gibril Haddad

Question:

I have been committing a sin which is really grave in its nature and very destructive for the past two years. I have sought forgiveness but I relapse on many occasion that I feel my heart has gone too black that I need too drastically change my life and my attitude towards my deen or I will destroy more then just myself.
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I am also a university medical student in my first year but I am failing badly. I have no care anymore as I feel I am gonna be doomed.  I want to leave the course and study something else, and work and earn enough money to go on a pilgrimage so that I can draw a very thick line under it.
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What shall I do? I ask you to answer me urgently plz, as I feel I have not much time left. I am so ashamed of myself and so hopeless.
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Wa `alaykum as-Salam:

A condition of true repentance is sincere contrition, therefore rely on Allah Who has given you in this state a sign of His acceptance of your repentance. Despair of oneself is a good sign, but we never despair of Allah nor of His forgiveness. You must insure that you keep your five daily prayers and that you seek a spiritual guide or murshid to help you, even if it takes traveling to one. Regarding your studies you should make istikhara and perhaps consider something besides school and more involved in physical work such as learning a craft for example. In the meantime recite the following devotion morning and evening to the intention of healing and guidance:

1. Repeat shahada three times
2. Astaghfirullah 70x
3. Fatiha 1x
4. Last two verses of Surat al-Baqara (Amana ar-Rasul)
5. Surat Inshirah (Alam nashrah laka sadrak) 7x
6. Surat Ikhlas (Qul Huwa Allahu Ahad) 11x
7. Surat Falaq 1x
8. Surat Nas 1x
9. La ilaha illallah 10x
10. Darud (Allahumma Salli `ala Muhammadin wa`ala Ali Muhammadin wa Sallim) 10x
11. Fatiha 1x gifted to the Prophet and his Family and all Awliya
12. Blow to your right and left as well as on your person.
13. Make du`a of tawassul through the Prophet, which is:

"O Allah, I am turning to you by means of your Prophet Muhammad for the fulfillment of my need. O Muhammad, I am turning by means of you to my Lord. O Allah, pair me with him."

Allahumma inni atawassalu ilayka bi-Nabiyyika Muhammad li-qada'i haajati. Ya Muhammad, tawassaltu bika ila Rabbi. Allahumma shaffi`hu fiyya.

Then you mention your need(s).

Was-Salam,

Hajj Gibril


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