FIVE QUESTIONS MEN FEAR

Started by kitkat, December 28, 2004, 04:18:27 AM

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kitkat

The 5 questions most feared by men are:  

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat in this?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?  

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analysed below, along with possible responses.  

Question 1: What are you thinking about?  

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:  

a. Football.
b. Golf.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.  

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"  

Question 2: Do you love me?  

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:  

a. Oh Yeah, shit-loads.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?  

Question 3: Do I look fat?  

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:  

a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Sorry what did you say ? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.  

Question 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?  

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:  

a. Yes, but you have a better personality.
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
d. Define pretty.
e. Sorry what did you say ? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.  

Question 5: What would you do if I died?  

A definite no-win question.(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Lotus and a Boat"). No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:  

WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: (makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: s**t.

Nuruddeen

This is really marvelous kitkat. I can even call these questions the "five unescapables".
o try and fail is atleast to learn. That will save one the inestimable loss of what might have been (positive or negative).

bobboss

when she asked me only one of the question ie {WHEN I DIE WILL U RE-MARRY] the question almost seperate us .just pray not to be asked
m an advocate for the maintenance and preservation of the northern cultural heritage.and advocate for the movement of the northern agenda and its actaulization.

gogannaka

LOL......Thanx a lot kit kat.....
The answers were soooo diplomatic.......Kawai dai a zauna lafiya.
Surely after suffering comes enjoyment

precious


Humrah

I think it is only Nigerian women who ask these questions. In Malaysia, my home country, women are dutiful.

Fateez

Quote from: "Humrah"I think it is only Nigerian women who ask these questions. In Malaysia, my home country, women are dutiful.

ummm...it's kinda a worldwide thing, most women ask these questions u know.

But hey i don't blame malaysian women for being so dutiful to their men

cos from what i have seen: Malaysian guys r just da best! I think Nigerian

guys ought to take special training sessions from malay guys  :roll:
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."    ~ Mark Twain


dan kauye

fateez i dnt geddit! r ya being ironic or whut? :roll:
Dan-Kauye's Artist Of The Week;Robin Thicke

sharon

where is pimp dis room is get really unstuffy 4 me :roll:
layin dis tricks,doin thang in big cali way.

mlbash

Quote from: "sharon"where is pimp dis room is get really unstuffy 4 me :roll:


in a specialistic way, an samu sharon saura sylvester stallon. :lol:
t is my intention to make the neglected aspect of our societies viable

mlbash

Quote from: "Humrah"I think it is only Nigerian women who ask these questions. In Malaysia, my home country, women are dutiful.

I HEARD THAT IN YOUR HOME COUNTRY, WOMEN USE TO CHASE MEN 'COS THEY OUT NUMBERED THE MEN BREATHTAKINGLY! HOW TRUTH IT IS? AND IF YES, WHO ARE CHASING IN K-ONLINE. :lol:
t is my intention to make the neglected aspect of our societies viable