Advice to Husbands n Wives

[EMTL]

Assalamu alaiku,
I want to share this wil you:
1.Advice to Husbands from a Husband:
2.An Advice from a Wife (Mother) to a Wife (Daughter)

Advice to Husbands from a Husband:

I start my advice to the couples by talking about World War II, The British military and the Egyptian desert! One of the most decisive battles of WWII was the battle of El Alamein, which took place at El Alamein in Northern Egypt on the summer of 1942. It is well known that the Germans had occupied North Africa and advanced into Egypt. They were hoping to take control of the Suez Canal, then occupy the oil fields in Iraq and Iran, then attack the Soviet Union from the south, etc. The British were determined never to let any of that happen, so they summoned their best soldier, General Bernard Montgomery and mustered an enormous force to stop the German relentless advance. It was a big battle. The German dreams were shattered, the British won, and so many soldiers died and were buried in the desert of El Alamein.

What concerns us here is not what happened next to the British or the Germans. What concerns us now is that after the war, the families of the soldiers who died in El Alamein came to visit their graves. Some of them left few words inscribed on the tombstones of their loved ones buried there. School children in Egypt sometimes go on trips to the site of the battle of El Alamein and read the words written on the different tombstones. Among these are the words inscribed by a young English woman who came to visit her husband's grave. She wrote: "To the world, you were just a soldier. But to me, you were the whole world"

By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend. She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you; when you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you. When you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be her. During the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you, physically, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul. When you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.

The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other, is the Quranic verse which says: "They are your garments and you are their garments"

Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort and protection, cover and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaska journey.

The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquility that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of God. Only God Almighty in His infinite power, boundless mercy, and great wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact, God is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe, that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence.

As He says in the Quran: "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect."

But the human heart is not a static entity, it is very dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant iving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, and nurtured. Therefore, here are a few tips on how to keep the tree growing:

In our world, we live a hectic life surrounded by tight schedules and bombarded by deadlines. For couples, this means that you might not find anytime to spend together, alone away from the endless work commitments. You must never allow this to happen. Try to periodically secure some time for do some special activities alone away from the rest of the world. Remember that our Prophet Muhammad (saws) had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha (ra). She outstripped him but later after she had gained some weight, he outstripped her.

Do go out with her regularly and frequently to do all sorts of activities: go to the mall, visit family and friends, go to the mosque, have picnics, etc. Remember that the Prophet (saws) took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances.

Always keep some romance in your life. Modern life has almost transformed us into robots or high tech machines without emotions. Show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating. Remember, that you will be rewarded by God for any emotions you show to your wife. As the Prophet (saws) said:

"One would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of God even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife". Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car's door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet (saws) used to extend his knee to his wife to help her ride her camel...Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together.

Strengthening the bond between you and God is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with God will always result in having more peace at home. Remember that the Prophet (saws) gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet (saws) even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up even by throwing cold water on his/her face.

Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet (saws) said "the best of you are those who are best to their wives"

Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents." Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said " I don't like yours either!"

Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses and offspring. The best example in this regard is the Prophet (saws) whose love for Khadija (ra) his wife of 25 years, extended to include all those she loved and continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send parts of it to Khadija's friends and whenever he felt that the visitor on the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying "O Allah let it be Hala."

Love your wife and love what your wife loves not only until death but until you be together again in the next life Insha-Allah.

An Advice from a Wife (Mother) to Wives (Daughter & co)
'Abd al-Malik (RA) said: "When 'Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the Jahiliyyah (pre-Islamic period) married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn 'Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother, Umamah came into her, to advise her and said:
'O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you posses these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.
'O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father's wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.
'O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.
ü   Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you.
ü   The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one's husband pleases Allah.
ü   The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.
ü   The fifth and sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
ü   The seventh and eight of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.
ü   The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.
ü   Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the latter will make him unhappy.
ü   Show him as much honour and respect as you can, and agree with him as much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.
ü   Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah choose what is best for you and protect you."

[_Waziri_]

This is a very good advice EMTL if only all of us will heed. Jazakallah Khairan!


Waziri

[HUSNAA]

This is UTOPIAN to say the least!!! :P. Truly speaking NONE of the above is achievable without HAKURI!!! Best advice to couples... sabur sabur sabur on both sides.

[_Waziri_]

This is UTOPIAN to say the least!!! :P. Truly speaking NONE of the above is achievable without HAKURI!!! Best advice to couples... sabur sabur sabur on both sides.

Hajiyan Allah,

This means  you are repeating the UTOPIAN thing because the HAKURI or Sabr in Arabic means patience and perseverance, or constancy in pursuit of something, or endurance in doing something or keeping to principled position in times of hardship.

To me actually the advice above preaches keeping to duty by both the wife and the husband throughout the times of being together. It simply means sabr or HAKURI as you said it.

Yes women are suppose to obey their husbands in all cultures, religions and civilisations as much as the men are suppose to cater for the emotional and physical needs of their women. In this they need HAKURI or Sabr to ddeliver.

Waziri

[HUSNAA]

This is UTOPIAN to say the least!!! :P. Truly speaking NONE of the above is achievable without HAKURI!!! Best advice to couples... sabur sabur sabur on both sides.

Hajiyan Allah,

This means  you are repeating the UTOPIAN thing because the HAKURI or Sabr in Arabic means patience and perseverance, or constancy in pursuit of something, or endurance in doing something or keeping to principled position in times of hardship.

To me actually the advice above preaches keeping to duty by both the wife and the husband throughout the times of being together. It simply means sabr or HAKURI as you said it.

Yes women are suppose to obey their husbands in all cultures, religions and civilisations as much as the men are suppose to cater for the emotional and physical needs of their women. In this they need HAKURI or Sabr to ddeliver.

Waziri

Why I say its UTOPIAN is because at least 80% of what EMTL wrote up there isnt practiced by either wife or husband.

[EMTL]

This is UTOPIAN to say the least!!! :P. Truly speaking NONE of the above is achievable without HAKURI!!! Best advice to couples... sabur sabur sabur on both sides.

Hajiyan Allah,

This means  you are repeating the UTOPIAN thing because the HAKURI or Sabr in Arabic means patience and perseverance, or constancy in pursuit of something, or endurance in doing something or keeping to principled position in times of hardship.

To me actually the advice above preaches keeping to duty by both the wife and the husband throughout the times of being together. It simply means sabr or HAKURI as you said it.

Yes women are suppose to obey their husbands in all cultures, religions and civilisations as much as the men are suppose to cater for the emotional and physical needs of their women. In this they need HAKURI or Sabr to ddeliver.

Waziri

Why I say its UTOPIAN is because at least 80% of what EMTL wrote up there isnt practiced by either wife or husband.

Assalamu alaikum,
May be am lucky - my wives score 'A' in above- AlhamdulilLah. My own score may very very low though sai dai amma suna hakuri dani, Allah (SWT) ya biyamu da Aljanna.

[HUSNAA]

Assalamu alaikum,
May be am lucky - my wives score 'A' in above- AlhamdulilLah. My own score may very very low though sai dai amma suna hakuri dani, Allah (SWT) ya biyamu da Aljanna.

To ai kaji irin ta. Thats exactly what I mean, men can never measure up.
Ameen to the prayer.

[EMTL]

Assalamu alaikum,
Eleven House wives description of their husbands
Below is the story of eleven married women who described their husbands. This Hadith was narrated by 'Aisha (RA), the wife of the Holy Prophet (SAW).

Eleven women sat (at a place) and promised and contracted that they would not conceal anything of the news of their husbands. The first one said, "My husband is like the meat of a lean weak camel which is kept on the top of a mountain which is neither easy to climb, nor is the meat fat, so that one might put up with the trouble of fetching it." The second one said, "I shall not relate my husband's news, for I fear that I may not be able to finish his story, for if I describe him, I will mention all his defects and bad traits." The third one said, "My husband is a tall man; if I describe him (and he hears of that) he will divorce me, and if I keep quiet, he will neither divorce me nor treat me as a wife." The fourth one said, "My husband is a moderate person like the night of Tihama which is neither hot nor cold. I am neither afraid of him, nor am I discontented with him." The fifth one said, "My husband, when entering (the house) is a leopard, and when going out, is a lion. He does not ask about whatever is in the house." The sixth one said, "If my husband eats, he eats too much (leaving the dishes empty), and if he drinks he leaves nothing, and if he sleeps he sleeps alone (away from me) covered in garments and does not stretch his hands here and there so as to know how I fare (get along)." The seventh one said, "My husband is a wrong-doer or weak and foolish. All the defects are present in him. He may injure your head or your body or may do both." The eighth one said, "My husband is soft to touch like a rabbit and smells like a Zarnab (a kind of good smelling grass)." The ninth one said, "My husband is a tall generous man wearing a long strap for carrying his sword. His ashes are abundant and his house is near to the people who would easily consult him." The tenth one said, "My husband is Malik, and what is Malik? Malik is greater than whatever I say about him. (He is beyond and above all praises, which can come to my mind). Most of his camels are kept at home (ready to be slaughtered for the guests) and only a few are taken to the pastures. When the camels hear the sound of the lute (or the tambourine) they realize that they are going to be slaughtered for the guests." The eleventh one said, "My husband is Abu Zar and what is Abu Zar (i.e., what should I say about him)? He has given me many ornaments and my ears are heavily loaded with them and my arms have become fat (i.e., I have become fat). And he has pleased me, and I have become so happy that I feel proud of myself. He found me with my family who were mere owners of sheep and living in poverty, and brought me to a respected family having horses and camels and threshing and purifying grain. Whatever I say, he does not rebuke or insult me. When I sleep, I sleep till late in the morning, and when I drink water (or milk), I drink my fill. The mother of Abu Zar and what may one say in praise of the mother of Abu Zar? Her saddlebags were always full of provision and her house was spacious. As for the son of Abu Zar, what may one say of the son of Abu Zar? His bed is as narrow as an unsheathed sword and an arm of a
kid (of four months) satisfies his hunger. As for the daughter of Abu Zar, she is obedient to her father and to her mother. She has a fat well-built body and that arouses the jealousy of her husband's other wife. As for the (maid) slave girl of Abu Zar, what may one say of the (maid) slave-girl of Abu Zar? She does not uncover our secrets but keeps them, and does not waste our provisions and does not leave the rubbish scattered everywhere in our house." The eleventh lady added, "One day it so happened that Abu Zar went out at the time when the milk was being milked from the animals, and he saw a woman who had two sons like two leopards playing with her two breasts. (On seeing her) he divorced me and married her. Thereafter I married a noble man who used to ride a fast tireless horse and keep a spear in his hand. He gave me many things, and also a pair of every kind of livestock and said, 'Eat (of this), O Um Zar, and give provision to your relatives." She added, "Yet, all those things which my second husband gave me could not fill the smallest utensil of Abu Zar's." 'Aisha then said: Allah's Apostle said to me, "I am to you as Abu Zar was to his wife Um Zar." (Sahih Bukhari 7:117)