THE PLIGHT OF THE YOUNG BLACK AFRICAN WOMAN

[Anonymous]

IN SEARCH OF MR. RIGHT OR WRONG IN DIASPORA:
THE PLIGHT OF THE YOUNG BLACK AFRICAN WOMAN



It was a Saturday afternoon and we were having an all girls get-together at my little student apartment in Halifax Nova Scotia Canada. As always my friends were young women from different countries, Nigeria, Cameroon, Zimbabwe, Kenya, Eritrea, Somalia, Ghana, South Africa and Jamaica. It was a good group of bright, young, smart and fun loving women. You know what that means; the party was just about to get started.




 

At exactly 2pm there was a knock on my door. Outside, was my group of friends carrying the freshness and beauty of Black Africa (food). Ladies welcome, it's always fun having my girls around. Where is Shade? Is she not coming? No answered Felicity, she called to say she won't be able to make it. She has a graduate thesis presentation tomorrow and is busy breaking her back in the library. Oh! Poor thing we wish her well.

Change that music Annie, who is crazy about the blues, definitely not me shouted Halima. Oh yeah, I am said Teckler. Look Halima you need to get yourself a good man with warm water or blood running through his veins. Not that trailer pushing looking guy I see you hanging out with. The dude has muscles like that of a truck pusher. Instead of him giving you romance in this cold Halifax weather, my sister you are asking for a black and blue eye. I don't trust those funny looking muscles. You will spend all your time working after graduation, while he will spend all your hard earned money punching or pushing (whatever he does) iron in the gym or who knows on another woman's backside.


These comments created a euphoria in the room as everyone busted into laughter. Of course Halima did not find the comments funny at all and she made her feelings know right there and then. The women insisted that Teckler apologize to Halima, which she did but the discussion continued right into lunch and through dinner Asmarat, the 'princess' from Eritrea looked gloomy. She is the only one in the group with two or more masters' degrees in Engineering and is presently studying to be a patent lawyer. She is quiet and really laid back. She takes her time to think things over, before she makes a statement. Today, Asmarat had something to say and all the women listened.



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How many of you have boyfriends, husbands or even seeing someone right now with the possibility of a serious commitment? Asmarat asked. I have a fiance, I said like you all know he is in the States and we are getting married immediately after we both graduate, he from a PhD program and I from my Master's program. Okay Annie we all know that..what about you Felicity, Teckler, Mufaro, Makia, Odi, Clara and Lizzy? Look ladies, this is a genuine question and it's something that has been on my mind since I started my law program. Living abroad has put us in a box where men are concerned. You are forced because of lack of choices and a thin pool of educated, descent, okay looking and well mannered young Black men to now accept anything that looks your way. This is frustrating Asmarat lamented. The other day, one low life, uneducated Black guy accused me of being a snub because I refused to give him my number. It's even harder finding an African male of your choice because the ones that under normal circumstances you won't even look at are running after White women. Even when you give them a chance to get close they treat you like you should be happy to have them.

But aren't they running after White women for obvious reasons that you and I are aware of? Interjected Clara. For the mere fact that there are more White women in this society and it's easier to have a White woman say yes to them than the limited number of Black women. Secondly, some of them are foreigners, just like all of us here and are looking at women with prospects (that is paper) but if they link up with us they may never be able to stay in this society and achieve their dreams?


You know what said Maki, Clara you are right I agree with you on that note that most Black men go after White women for obvious reasons, let's not deny this sometimes it could be out of love too. Which is okay, but look at us I am almost 26 years old in a PhD program, Lizzy you are almost 29 years old almost through with your Architecture PhD program, Clara you are an MBA student, Teckler you will soon be a Doctor, Halima you are an English graduate student. Look at us beautiful; brilliant women with no man not even the wrong man. Every Saturday we all get together like this and talk about this same issue until we slum into soberness. Annie we know you are the only one with a man, how did you find him, please let us know we all need the lecture right now. All the girls laughed. It was nice to see them smile again especially after such depressing discussions on how personal our personal lives were.


I am not sure this is the right time to talk about how I met my fiance, maybe at the next get-together in Teckler's rosy apartment I will tell. It was hard to talk about my luck, knowing fully well that I was going to speak with a faint smile on my face. I didn't want the woman to feel you know...so I kept quiet but decided to serve the margarita. More drinks ladies..yeah..they all screamed.


The day went on smoothly, with Miles Davies crooning with the ballads of a King to a John Coltrane serenading the women with his Love Supreme. The moment was quiet as we listened to the smooth flow of jazz and blues. It was a moment of reflection for all of us. I will be turning 30 in August Odi had complained the other day. I worry that I may never find a Mr. Right or Wrong. I can't date an Asian, a Caucasian, or even someone from the Middle East my parents will kill me. Why not, I asked? Look Annie, it's not an option; cultures, dealing with racism, how to integrate into their world or them mine..there are too many issues to deal with. I am not ready for that. It's hard alone being a Black woman in this society, look they are all out of the question. Okay I said so what are your options? I don't know, she replied. I keep getting "how I for do" Black men approaching me, they seem to have more confidence than the well educated ones. I wonder why. Yeah, I said because the well educated ones are either hooked to be married or are married. Not all of them but I would say most.


Listen ladies it's time to run. I have to give a presentation tomorrow and I am still in the process of completing the paper said Halima. Well thank you ladies, hopefully we will solve some of these puzzles someday soon i said. Teckler next Saturday right..yeah come with your best behavior..no man talk. And the women laughed.

[precious]

And i am hooked!-to the story. :D

[_Waziri_]

How many of you have boyfriends, husbands or even seeing someone right now with the possibility of a serious commitment? Asmarat asked. I have a fiance, I said like you all know he is in the States and we are getting married immediately after we both graduate, he from a PhD program and I from my Master's program. Okay Annie we all know that..what about you Felicity, Teckler, Mufaro, Makia, Odi, Clara and Lizzy? Look ladies, this is a genuine question and it's something that has been on my mind since I started my law program. Living abroad has put us in a box where men are concerned. You are forced because of lack of choices and a thin pool of educated, descent, okay looking and well mannered young Black men to now accept anything that looks your way. This is frustrating Asmarat lamented. The other day, one low life, uneducated Black guy accused me of being a snub because I refused to give him my number. It's even harder finding an African male of your choice because the ones that under normal circumstances you won't even look at are running after White women. Even when you give them a chance to get close they treat you like you should be happy to have them.

But aren't they running after White women for obvious reasons that you and I are aware of? Interjected Clara. For the mere fact that there are more White women in this society and it's easier to have a White woman say yes to them than the limited number of Black women. Secondly, some of them are foreigners, just like all of us here and are looking at women with prospects (that is paper) but if they link up with us they may never be able to stay in this society and achieve their dreams?


........Look at us beautiful; brilliant women with no man not even the wrong man.

I really am confused a bit. I don't know how to begin helping.... To be sincere with you even here in Africa finding the right man is not easy. Every blessed day our fear is the kind of person who will come asking for the hands of our younger and elder sisters who are yet to marry, especially when prospective husbands are known to be something otther than good, cos good people are very hard to come by be it in Asia, Africa or Europe. Just stay calm and maintain a very sound state of mind and make sure you are alwaysguided by higher human values.