The mind of a shinobi

[Ibro2g]

here is a lil something I'm working upon, its not much but I just wanna hear some honest reviews, criticism anything. And, there will be more....hopefully




Time has been a powerful mystery, every generation tries to manipulate its own time, but with little success. We settle to record our past and anticipate our future, leaving today to the darkness of neglect... However, it is today that we live!
                    Present time, Summer, Japan
My name is Hamarou, Hattori Hamarou! I turned 16 last Fall, and looking to study journalism at the University of Tokyo. I could have gone further east to the United States but I have obligations here, annoying obligations. Even as this rain falls to my deafening ears, I do wish I was born elsewhere, with a different fate.
The train stopped at the Hiyoshi train station and I was glad the noise sublimed. And there it was, again. I listen even more carefully, filtering out everything else, the train, the rain, the murmuring and the footsteps, the drainage, the chewing, the breathing, and all the many heartbeats of the six hundred and eighty two people in the station. Yes, I could hear it all, but I want to hear only one, the heartbeat that sings, the heartbeat of the girl with the blue ribbon. Soon I was able to filter it all and I could hear her footsteps, and her humming...she is beautiful, every time.
"Hamarou!" and the shout broke my concentration. I didn't have to listen or look, it is Minorou.

[Konan]

WELL LYK IS ED BEFORE DIS IS EXCELLENT CANT WAIT TO READ THE FULL VERSION :D

[Muhsin]

What a nice peice, Ibro2g. I like the description; very vivid and how you develop your conflict, internal conflict i.e of Hamorou anoying obligations towards his studies really fascinated me.

But feel like the story isn't finished yet,huh. We are weiting for the remaining...because they won't just meet but something would likely happen.

Keep it up coming!