The etiquettes of the wedding night 2

[bamalli]

There are also hadith about this, among them:

First: "Whoever has sexual intercourse with a menstruating woman, or a woman
in her anus, or approaches a soothsayer and believes what he is told has
disbelieved in that which was revealed to Muhammad."

Second: On the authority of Anas ibn Malik, who said: "When one of their
women has their period, the Jews used to put her out of the house, and they
would not eat, drink, or sleep with her in the house. The Prophet was asked
about this, and Allaah revealed the verse:

"They ask thee concerning women's courses. Say: They are a hurt and a
pollution: so keep away from women in their courses, ...

Then the Prophet said: "Be with them in the house, and do everything except
for intercourse itself." The Jews said: "This man wants to leave nothing
which we do without doing something different." Then, Asyad ibn Hudair said:
"O Messenger of Allah, verily the Jews says such-and-such, should we not
then have sexual intercourse during menstruation? " The Prophet's face
changed such that they thought that he was enraged with them, so they left.
As they were coming out, they saw a gift of milk being brought to the
Prophet. The Prophet then sent someone after them to give them a drink of
milk, so they felt that he was not actually angry with them." [Muslim, Abu
'Auwaana and Abu Daawood].

15. The Penitence of One who Has Sex during Menses

Whoever is overcome by desire and has sexual intercourse with his wife when
she is menstruating and before she becomes clean must give the value of one
dinar's weight of gold or about 4.25 grams (4.2315 to be more precise), or
half that amount. This is based on a hadith narrated by 'Abdullaah ibn
'Abbaas from the Prophet in relation to one who enters his wife while she is
on her period as follows: "Let him give one dinar in charity, or one half
dinar." [At-Tirmidhee, Abu Dawood, At-Tabaraani and others: Saheeh].

16. What is Permissible when She is on her Periods

It is allowed for him to enjoy pleasure with his wife in any way except for
her private parts when she is on her period. There are several hadiths about
this:

First: "and do everything except intercourse itself." [Muslim, Abu 'Auwaana
and Aboo Daawood]

Second: On the authority of 'Aa'ishah who said: "When we were on our
periods, the Prophet used to order us to put on a waist cloth that her
husband can then lie with her." One time she said: "... her husband can then
fondle and caress her." [al-Bukhaaree, Muslims and others].

Third: On the authority of one of the wives of the Prophet who said: "When
the Prophet wanted something from one of his wives who was on her period, he
put a cloth over her private parts, and then did whatever he wanted." [Abo
Daawood: Saheeh]

17. When is it Allowed to resume Sexual Activity after Menses?

When she becomes clean of any menstrual blood, and the flow stops
completely, it is allowed for them to resume sexual activity after she
washes the place where the blood had been, or performs wudhuu', or takes a
complete bath. Whichever of these three alternatives she does makes it
allowed for them to resume sexual activity, based on Allaah's statement in
the Qur'an:

"But when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them in any manner,
time, or place ordained for you by Allah. For Allah loves those who turn to
Him constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure and clean."
[Al-Baqarah 2:222]

This is the position of Ibn Hazm, 'Ataa, Qatadah, al-Awzaa'ee and Daawud
az-Zaahiree and of Mujaahid: as Ibn Hazm says: "All three of these are
purification - so whichever of them she uses after the cessation of her
periods, then she is lawful for her husband."

The same term is used to mean washing the private parts in the Ayah revealed
concerning the people of Qubaa:

"In it are men who love to be purified; and Allah loves those who make
themselves pure." [at-Tawbah 9:108]

There is nothing here in the Ayah however, or in the Sunnah, to restrict the
Ayahin question to any of the three meanings - and to do so requires a
further proof.

18. The Lawfulness of Coitus Interruptus

(Withdrawal of the penis from the vagina at the time of ejaculation with the
purpose of avoiding impregnation. This can be done only with the permission
of one's wife).

It is allowed for a Muslim man to practice coitus interruptus with his wife.
There are several hadith about this:

First: On the authority of Jaabir who said: "We were practicing coitus
interruptus, and the Qur'an was being revealed." [al-Bukhaaree and Muslim].
In another version, he said: "We used to practice coitus interruptus in the
lifetime of the Prophet. This reached the Prophet, and he did not prohibit
us from doing it." [Muslim, an-Nasaa'ee and at-Tirmidhee] .

Second: On the authority of Abu Sa'eed al-Khudhriy, who said: "A man came to
the Prophet and said: "I have a young girl (right-hand possession), and I
practice coitus interruptus with her. I want that which men want, but the
Jews claim that coitus interruptus is minor infanticide. " The Prophet said:
"The Jews have lied, the Jews have lied. If Allaah wished to create a child,
you would not be able to prevent it." [An-Naasaa'ee in al-'Ishrah: Abu
Dawood and others: Saheeh].

Third: On the authority of Jaabir, a man came to the Prophet and said: "I
have a slave girl who serves us and waters our date trees. Sometimes I go to
her, but I dislike that she should become pregnant by me". The Prophet said:
"use coitus interruptus if you like, but whatever has been ordained for her
will come." After some time, the man again came to the Prophet and said:
"She has become pregnant!" The Prophet told him: "I told you that whatever
has been ordained for her will come." [Muslim, Abu Dawood and others].

19. It is Preferable not to Practice Coitus Interruptus.

Not practicing coitus interruptus is preferable for a number of reasons:

First: It is harmful for the woman, since it reduces her pleasure by cutting
it short. If she agrees to it, it still contains the following negative
points.

Second: It negates part of the purpose of marriage which is enlarging the
Muslim nation through offspring, as in the statement of the Prophet: "Marry
the loving and fertile, for I will compete with the other Prophets with the
number of my followers." [Abu Dawood, an-Nasaa'ee and others: Saheeh]. This
is why the Prophet once referred to it as "minor infanticide" (and not
because it is forbidden as infanticide is forbidden) when asked about it
saying: "That is minor infanticide" . [Muslim, Ahmad and al-Baihaqi]. For
this was preferable in the hadith narrated by Abu Sa'eed al-Khudhriy saying:
"Coitus Interruptus was mentioned in the presence of the Prophet and he
said: "Why would one of you do that? (note he did not say "let none of you
do that") Allah is the Creator of every single soul." [Muslim]. In another
version, he said: "You act and you act. There are no people destined to be
from now until the day of Qiyama but that all of them will be." [Muslim]

20. What the two Spouses should Intend with their Marriage

Both spouses should enter into marriage with the following intentions:
freeing themselves of unfulfilled sexual desires, and protecting themselves
from falling into that which Allaah has forbidden (i.e. adultery and
fornication) . What's more, a reward as the reward for sadaqa (voluntary
giving of charity) is recorded for them every time they have sex. This is
based on the following hadith of the Prophet narrated by Abu Dharr: "Some of
the companions of the Prophet said to him: 'O Messenger of Allaah, the
affluent among us have taken the rewards (of the hereafter)! They pray as we
pray, fast as we fast, and then they give charity from the surplus of their
wealth!" The Prophet said: "Did Allaah not make for you that from which you
can give sadaqa? Verily for every time you say Subhannallah (Exalted is
Allah) there is a sadaqa, and for every time you say Allahuakbar (Allah is
Most Great) there is a sadaqa, and for every time you say Al-Hamdulillah
(Praise is to Allah) there is sadaqa, and in every act of enjoining what is
right there is sadaqa, and in every act of forbidding what is wrong there is
a sadaqa, and in your sexual relations there is a sadaqa." The Companions
said: "O Messenger of Allaah , is there a reward for one of us when he
satisfies his sexual desire?" The Prophet said: "Don't you see, if he had
satisfied it with the forbidden, would there not have been a sin upon him?"
They said: "Why, yes! He said: "In the same way, when he satisfies it with
that which is lawful, there is for him in that a reward." [Muslim,
an-Nasaa'ee in al-'Ishrah, and Ahamd].

21. What he should do the Morning After His Wedding Night

It is desirable for the husband to go to his relatives who came to visit him
in his house, on the following morning, to give them greetings and pray for
them. It is also desirable for them to do likewise for him, as in the
following hadith narrated by Anas : "The Messenger of Allaah gave a feast on
the morning of his wedding night with Zainab, at which he fed the Muslims to
satisfaction on bread and meat. Then, he went out to the Mothers of the
Believers (i.e. to his other wives), gave them greetings and prayed for
them, which they returned in kind. This is the way he used to do on the
morning after a wedding night." [Ibn Sa'd and an-Nasaa'ee: Saheeh].

22. The House must have a Place for Bathing

The married couple must have a place to bathe in their house, and the
husband must not allow his wife to go to the public bath houses. This is
forbidden, and there are various hadith about it, among them:

First: On the authority of Jaabir who said: "The Prophet said: "Whoever
believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him not allow his wife to go to the
Public baths. Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him not go to
the baths except with a waist-cloth. And whoever believes in Allaah and the
Last Day, let him never sit at a table at which intoxicants are being
circulated." [Al-Haakim, at-Tirmidhee and others: Saheeh]

Second: On the authority of Umm ad-Dardaa' who said: "I came out of the
public bath and I met Allaah's Messenger who said to me: 'From where have
you come O Umm Dardaa'?' I said: 'From the baths'. Then he said: "By the One
in whose hand is my soul, every woman who removes her clothes anywhere
except the house of one of her mothers has torn down all that veils her
before ar-Rahman." [Ahmad : Saheeh]

Third: On the authority of Abu al-Maleeh who said: "Some women from
Ash-Shaam entered upon 'Aa'ishah and said: "Where are you from?" The women
answered: "We are of the people of Ash-Shaam (the area of present-day Syria
)." 'Aa'ishah said: "Are you perhaps from that district which allows its
women to enter the public baths?" The said: "Yes". She said: "As for me, I
heard the Messenger of Allaah say: "Every woman who removes her clothes
other than in her house has torn down all veils of modesty between herself
and Allaah." [at-Tirmidhee, Abu Dawood and others: Saheeh]

23. The Prohibition of Spreading Bedroom Secrets

It is forbidden for either the husband or the wife to spread any of the
secrets of their bedroom to anyone outside. The following two hadith are
about this:

First: "Verily among the worst people before Allaah on the Day of Judgment
is a man who approaches his wife sexually and she responds and then he
spreads her secrets." [Muslim, Ibn Abi Shaiba, Ahmad and others].

Second: "On the authority of Asmaa bint Yazid who narrated "that she was
once in the presence of the Prophet and there were both men and women
sitting. The Prophet then said: "Perhaps a man might discuss what he does
with his wife, or perhaps a woman might inform someone what she did with her
husband?" The people were silent. Then I said: "O, Yes! O Messenger of
Allaah verily both the women and men do that." Then the Prophet said: "Do
not do that. It is like a male shaitaan who meets a female shaitaan along
the way, and has sex with her while the people look on!" [Ahmad: Hasan or
Saheeh due to supports]

24. The Obligation of a Wedding Feast

The husband must sponsor a feast after the consummation of the marriage.
This is based on the order of the Prophet to 'Abur-Rahman ibn 'Auf to do so,
and on the hadith narrated by Buraida ibn At-Haseeb, who said: "When 'Ali
sought the hand of Faatimah (the Prophet's daughter) in marriage, he said
that the Prophet said: "A wedding (and in another version "a bridegroom")
must have a feast." The narrator said: "Sa'ad said: '(a feast) of a sheep.'
Someone else said: 'Of such and such a quantity of corn." [Ahmad and
at-Tabaraani: Its isnaad is acceptable as al-Haafiz Ibn Hajr says in
Fathul-Baaree: 9/188]

25. The Sunnah of the Wedding Feast

The following should be observed with regard to the wedding banquet:

First: It should be held ('aqb - Fathul Baaree: 9/242-244) three days after
the first wedding night, since this is the tradition of the Prophet which
has reached us. On the authority of Anas who said: "The Prophet entered upon
his wife and sent me to invite some men for food." [al-Bukhaaree and
al-Baihaqi]. Also on the authority of Anas, he said: "The Prophet married
Safiya, and her freedom was her dowry. He gave the feast for three days."
[Abu Ya'laa and others: Hasan].

Second: One should invite the righteous to his banquet whether they be rich
or poor. The Prophet said: "Do not be the friend of any except believers,
and have only the pious eat your food." [Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhee and
others: Saheeh].

Third: If one is able, he should have a feast of one or more sheep. Based on
the following hadith, Anas said: "Abdur-Rahmaan came to al-Madeenah, and the
Prophet assigned Sa'ad ibn Ar-Rabee' al-Ansaariy as his brother. Sa'ad took
him to his house, called for food, and they both ate. The Sa'ad said: "O my
brother, I am the wealthiest of the people of al-Madeenah (in another
version: "... of the Ansaar"), so look to half of my property and take it
(in another version: "... and I will divide my garden in half"). Also, I
have two wives (and you, my brother in Allaah, have no wife), so look to
which of mine pleases you more, so I can divorce her for you. Then upon the
completion of the prescribed waiting period, you may marry her."
'Abdur-Rahmaan said: "No, by Allaah, may Allah bless you in your family and
your property. Show me the way to the market-place. " And so they showed him
the way to the market-place and he went there. He bought and he sold and he
made a profit. In the evening , he came back to the people of his house with
some dried milk for cooking and some ghee. After that some time elapsed,
until he appeared one day with traces of saffron on his garments. The
Prophet said to him: "What is this?" He said: "O Messenger of Allaah, I have
married a woman among the Ansaar." The Prophet answered: "What did you give
her for her dowry?" He answered: "The weight of five dirhams in gold." Then,
the Prophet said: "May Allaah bless you, give a feast if only with one
sheep." 'Abdur-Rahmaan said: "I have seen myself in such a state that if I
were to lift a stone, I would expect to find some gold or silver under it."
Anas said: "I saw after his death that each of his wives inherited one
hundred thousand Dinars." [Al-Bukhaaree, an- Nasaa'ee and others].

Also on the authority of Anas he said: "I never saw the Prophet sponsor such
a wedding feast as the one he gave for Zainab. He slaughtered a sheep and
fed everyone meat and bread until they ate no more." [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslim
and others].

26. Wedding Feasts can be give with Other than Meat

It is allowed to give the wedding banquet with any food which is available
and affordable, even if that does not include meat. This is based on the
following hadith narrated by Anas: "The Prophet stayed between Khaibar and
al-Madeenah for three days during which he had entered with his wife Safiya
. Then I invited the Muslims to his Wedding feast. There was neither meat
nor bread at his feast. Rather, leather eating mats were brought out and on
them were placed dates, dried milk, and clarified butter. The people ate
their fill." [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslim and others].

27. Participation of the Wealthy in the Feast with their Wealth

It is commendable for the wealthy to help in the preparations for the
wedding feast based on the hadith narrated by Anas about the Prophet's
marriage to Safiya: "Then, when we were on the road, Umm Sulaim prepared her
(Safiya) for him (the Prophet and brought her to him at night, and so the
Prophet awoke the next morning a new bridegroom. Then he said: "Whoever has
something, let him bring it." (In another version, he said "Whoever has an
excess of provisions, let him bring it.") Anas continues: "And so the
leather eating mats were spread out and one man would bring dried milk,
another dates and another clarified butter and so they made Hais (hais is a
mixture of the above three things). The people then ate of this hais and
drank from pools of rainwater which were nearby, and that was the wedding
feast of the Prophet." [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslims and others].

[Hafsy_Lady]

22. The House must have a Place for Bathing

The married couple must have a place to bathe in their house, and the
husband must not allow his wife to go to the public bath houses. This is
forbidden, and there are various hadith about it, among them:

First: On the authority of Jaabir who said: "The Prophet said: "Whoever
believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him not allow his wife to go to the
Public baths. Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him not go to
the baths except with a waist-cloth. And whoever believes in Allaah and the
Last Day, let him never sit at a table at which intoxicants are being
circulated." [Al-Haakim, at-Tirmidhee and others: Saheeh]

Second: On the authority of Umm ad-Dardaa' who said: "I came out of the
public bath and I met Allaah's Messenger who said to me: 'From where have
you come O Umm Dardaa'?' I said: 'From the baths'. Then he said: "By the One
in whose hand is my soul, every woman who removes her clothes anywhere
except the house of one of her mothers has torn down all that veils her
before ar-Rahman." [Ahmad : Saheeh]

Third: On the authority of Abu al-Maleeh who said: "Some women from
Ash-Shaam entered upon 'Aa'ishah and said: "Where are you from?" The women
answered: "We are of the people of Ash-Shaam (the area of present-day Syria
)." 'Aa'ishah said: "Are you perhaps from that district which allows its
women to enter the public baths?" The said: "Yes". She said: "As for me, I
heard the Messenger of Allaah say: "Every woman who removes her clothes
other than in her house has torn down all veils of modesty between herself
and Allaah." [at-Tirmidhee, Abu Dawood and others: Saheeh]

AS-SALAMUALAIKUM WARAHAMATULLAHI TA'ALA WABARAKATUHU.

But wait wo!!!! Am almost having a heart attack here and very confused. So what if you travelled and out of necessity had to lodge in a hotel? If you comot cloth bath what is the ruling on it? Because we could say "the hotel" is public as it is not your own private bathroom and will obviously be used by the public who checked in too. Also if you attend a wedding and due to the insufficiency of accomodation or there will be quite a long guest list and accomodation was made available in hotels "those married" stayed over and showered in too, what does shariah say upon this?

Should the woman ask the permission of her husband who is say in another country that she will be sleeping in a hotel with her fellow friends and would remove her clothes and shower in the morning? Seriosly am asking a question here! :-\

BISALLAMAH.

[gogannaka]

Hafsy i wouldn't call the hotel toilet a public toilet.
The hotel room is regarded your own personal room from the day you paid for it. That is why you are given the key and not anyone could just bump in to use the toilet.

This is unlike the roadside conveninece where anybody could just barge in.