Author Topic: GROWING RATE OF DIVORCE IN KANO  (Read 83631 times)

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Offline Dan-Borno

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Re: GROWING RATE OF DIVORCE IN KANO
« Reply #75 on: January 28, 2009, 10:12:30 AM »
1. taje tayi istikhara
2. kayi kwalliya, tayi kunshi, etc.
3. ta aikawa mijinta na da yazo suyi zance ta nemi afuwa abin ya faru, ayi sulhu
4. ta gayamashi ' Mai gida Don Allah (SWT) kayi hakuri ka maido ni dakina, mu yafi juna, nayi alkawarin zan gyara halina- na koma Amarya sabuwa fil!'

haba wannan ai is a great injustice, kana son kace mini kashi 95%
a cikin sake sake mata ne masu laifi? i disagree totally, saboda left
to me, more than 75% of divorce is caused by mazaje.  so in view
of this, your above suggestion should be the other way round.

1. yaje yayi ta istikhara
2. ya tsabtace jikinsa, kasan maza kazamai ne wallahi
3. yaje gunta ya nemi afuwa abin ya faru, ayi sulhu
4. ya gayamata ' Amarsu Don Allah (SWT) kiyi hakuri ki dawo dakinki,
    mu yafi juna, nayi alkawarin zan gyara halina - na koma ango sabo dal dal!'


in har mazaje suna da imanin yin hakan, da mataye bazu ma fara
maganan wai peaceful demonstration ba in the first place.  amma just
like what myself said, sai kaga alhaji a cikin unguwa daya ya auri mata
fiye da uku, an san halinsa haka ne amma babu mai iya yi masa wa'azi
sai kawai idan sun tashi zasu yi zanga zanga sai malamai su fara bada
fatawa - where were they when things are going bad?

aunty Maiduguri, awww, your royal highness, ai bamu da aunty anan
maiduguri, sai dai a can dala gari mai mata mai mota, ko da me kazo
an fika - ina dam megona ne? (amma fa i heard that the story is all
fake, she was interviewed on the radio, kawai irin sharrin maza ne, sun
ga budurwa kyakkyawa taki ta kula su sai suka yi mata kage)


@ Myself:
wallahi ba kaskanci bani, this is not our intention, but you have to call
it by its name - ai kamar yadda kika ce ne, wata bazawaran ko an kawo
yan mata trailer guda baza su gwada mata komai ba - experience is the
best teacher.  akramakallahu, ni ma dai ina ganin i will go for one zawar lol.
"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

Offline Muhsin

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Re: GROWING RATE OF DIVORCE IN KANO
« Reply #76 on: January 28, 2009, 01:01:14 PM »
thank God ur not speaking on behalf of the muslim ummah!!!

I'm.

tell us about the hadith you have at hand supporting your argument????

Tell me yours.
Get to know [and remember] Allah in prosperity & He will know  [and remember] you in adversity.

Offline bakangizo

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Re: GROWING RATE OF DIVORCE IN KANO
« Reply #77 on: January 28, 2009, 04:01:50 PM »
My disaproval for the demonstration stems from my respect for the women. I don't honestly believe anything good will come out of it other than ridicule and mockery for the womenfolk. I don't know for you people,. but I personally wouldn't want to see my sister/mother/cousin on the street carrying placard and singing or shouting, telling the world that she's a divorsee and is seeking justice. I know our society. They would just be turned to a laughing stock. There's no dignity in it. If any of you supporters of the planned demo think it would bring about anything positive, you are gravely mistaken. I laughed when I read some ppl here saying the demonstration would be silent and the women would wear hijab. That's naive, or rather wishful, thinking. Did the planners of the demo told you so? Do you have any guarantee that it would be so? Is that even the issue? What guarantee do you have that the demo won't be hijacked and the women molested, mocked and/or jeered at?

So if you will take a second and consider it dispassionately, and situate the whole issue within the context of our society/culture and, most importantly, religion, you will see that it is not in the best interest of anyone, especially the women. We may be so passionate and try all sorts of linguistic gymnastics, but there's no way you can convince any sensible muslim that Islam does not frown at a woman moving on the street demonstrating. Think also that a great number of those women planning to take to the street are not blameless about their situation. Some of them caused the breakup of their marriages. A lot had turned their homes into hellholes for thier husbands, leaving them no option but to divorce them. Conversely a lot are victims of men's selfishness and disregard for holy matrimony. Saboda haka in bera da sata, daddawa da wari. Kowa da nasa laifin. So in as much as I feel strongly about the situation, and I hate what our marriages are turning into, I don't think for a second that a street demonstration is the solution or a step in the right direction.

Offline amira

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Re: GROWING RATE OF DIVORCE IN KANO
« Reply #78 on: January 28, 2009, 05:21:13 PM »
1. taje tayi istikhara
2. kayi kwalliya, tayi kunshi, etc.
3. ta aikawa mijinta na da yazo suyi zance ta nemi afuwa abin ya faru, ayi sulhu
4. ta gayamashi ' Mai gida Don Allah (SWT) kayi hakuri ka maido ni dakina, mu yafi juna, nayi alkawarin zan gyara halina- na koma Amarya sabuwa fil!'

1. yaje yayi ta istikhara
2. ya tsabtace jikinsa, kasan maza kazamai ne wallahi
3. yaje gunta ya nemi afuwa abin ya faru, ayi sulhu
4. ya gayamata ' Amarsu Don Allah (SWT) kiyi hakuri ki dawo dakinki,
    mu yafi juna, nayi alkawarin zan gyara halina - na koma ango sabo dal dal!'



okay this is understandable both parties givin eachother hakuri, gaskiya if this were to happen i bet you
it woukd be better for them both equalling less divorcees.
Some guys ego/ pride bazai bari su tunanin wannan ba they'll just be like ba ga sunan kamar jumpa a jos ba,
she aint the only mace a duniya, am i rite or am i rite :)

some maza are to quick at pointing the finger rather than apologizing.


Wallahi maza mamaki suke bani da suke jin dadin kiran bazawara a qasqance, wato second class mace kokuma no longer a woman all together cos she ain't virgin no more :o But how did she lost it? Baku mazaba?......... Kuma Kun manta da sunnar annabin mu, kamar yadda husna tayi pointing, Aurenshi na farko Bazawarace kuma much older than him, If there is any fault in bazawara da baiyiba..

Aure qaddarane kuma wani lokacin barinshima qaddarace bawai mugun hali kowai yake kawo divorce ba.....Wani lokacin wata bazawarar tafi budurwar ta ko inna.

Ku tina da irin mazan nan yan auri saki saboda ganin suna da wadata... Su auri mace gidi gidi bayan wata kadan tana cikin jin dadin zaman sai yace ya saketa saboda ya hango wata... So irin wadan nan meye laifin aurensu as zawara?
kinyi dai dai.

i'd also like to mention something thats kind of related to this subject, i dont know whether anyone here has watched a programme that came up with the name child brides in nigeria?
well anyway its about these young young girls getting married early, getting preganant but not always giving birth due to complications leading to fitsula and giving an end result to becoming a divorcee, wallahi it was sad but anyway what am saying here is that a girl is given to a guy in good condition amma don rashin mutunci when the girl develops fitsula the guy divorces her kuma ba dan shi bane ta shiga matsalar dake damu ta ba, please tell me this isnt rashin mutunci and to top it up the girl may become permenantely damaged as with one girl in the programme, wallahi abin tausayi.
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Offline Lawwali

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Re: GROWING RATE OF DIVORCE IN KANO
« Reply #79 on: January 28, 2009, 05:32:18 PM »
Ma'assalam,
I initially decided to keep mute, because the rate at which women are divorced in Northern Nigeria and kano in particular is as astonishing and alarming as it is being carried out with men impunity. The only fact that men are considering the rope (igiyar aure) given by ALLAH in their Hands as a means to "hire and fire" any woman at any time they deemed fit startle me most.

But this is clear indication of the level of religious illiteracy in the people are considered as the religious guide of the ummah. The whole Islamic concept of marriage and establishing family has been grossly undermined collectively by us ( the society).

How can an Imam tie the rope of a marriage between the couples that he did not know? the Prophet (SAW) have never done so, How should a father or the Waliy presided over a marriage with a parson he has never interracted with? How sickly do you percieve a parents that cannot swear to the moral rectitude of their in-laws?. These are the examples of how recklessly and carelesly we are treating marriage issue.

The Divorce itself has been taken softly by our Ulama'a. I cannot uptill now understand the interpretation our scholars are given to the Qu'anic Verse in Surah TALAQ ( Wa ash hi duu zawai adlin minkum. wa aqeemush shahadata lillah), Meaning "AND YOU KEEP TWO TRUSTWORTHY WITNESSES AMONGST YOU. AND UPHELD THE WITNESSTH FOR ALLAH" . Now, If as enshrined by this Verse, One has go and look for trustworthy people (2NO) from the community How do you think Divorce will be this easy, just like removing one's shirt? And this was supported by a prophetic saying that Divorce is a Permisseable act that ALLAH dislikes.

Although some interpretes the Verse as refering to contracting the marriage, But I strongly argue that the whole surah was dedicated to Divorce, and if the prophet will say Divorce is a Halal that ALLAH dislikes i dont see reason in saying the verse is refering to contracting the marriage. It is only logical that if ALLAH dislikes something HE provides adequate protection to it, which HE did in this verse, and infact in the whole Surah various steps were given on how to Divorce a wife. But Here we tried vehemently to Attribute our failure to our religion.

Moreover, In the Surah NISA'I, (DEdicated to women) ALLAH has prescribed a process of settling Disputes between Husband and wife:
In this Verse ALLAH says: WALLATI TUKHA FUUNA NUSHUZA HUNNA, FA'IZU HUNNA, WAH JURUU HUNNA FIL MADHAJI'I, WADHRIBUU HUNNA. In other place HE says FAB'ATHUU HAKMAN MIN AHLIHI WA HAKMAN MIN AHLIHA, IN YU REEDAA ISLA HAN YUWAFFIQILLAHU BAINIHIMA............

You in the Above Qur'anic provisions there are steps before divorce ( which is the last resort):

1. FA'IZUU HUNNA that is preach to them, counsel them
2. WAH JURUU HUNNA FIL MADHAJI'I, that is refrain from sleeping on their Beds, Avoid them
3. WADHRIBUU HUUNA, that is slaps them reasonably
4.FAB'ATHU HAKMAN MIN AHLIHI WA HAKMAN MIN AHLIHA..............., that is call a meeting of the representatives of the Couples in dispute if they really maen to resolve ALLAH will favor both of them
5. WA ASH HIDUU ZAWAI AFLINMINKUM, as above.

untill we follow these steps we are in danger of ramphant divorce.
it takes oppressed and oppressor for oppression to occur

Offline HUSNAA

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Re: GROWING RATE OF DIVORCE IN KANO
« Reply #80 on: January 28, 2009, 05:51:08 PM »
BKG I respect yr views and I believe in what u said, that it isnt possible to have a demonstration albeit a silent one with women in full hijab, because of the way our society operates. That is to say that the women will be molested by ruffians that goes without saying even if they are silent and in full hijab. But that is just the crux of the problem. Because yr thinking is the thinking of most typical northern nigerian muslim men. You cant think outside the box for a minute and see that it is  possible for women to protest without going against religious edicts. If the men can agree for the women to stage a peaceful and silent protest, with placards even (whats wrong with that?) who is to say that the women would be made a laughing stock? If they are to be jeered at, it will be becos  men allowed the jeering to take place. And like I said, the HISBAH should be there to serve as a protecting umbrella against hooligans and that sort of thing.
I honestly dont know about Islam frowning at women demonstrating. I rather think it is the muslim men who frown at women demonstrating in the streets rather than Islam. The verse of the Qur'an pertaining to a woman's staying at home was not revealed to restrict women against reacting to oppression, which is what women experience on a daily basis. You (men) dont want women to demonstrate but you do not treat women in the manner which should make such actions unnecessary and neither does anyone of you care to alleviate the problems women are going through.

Oh Muhsin, I am one of those women who think they are wise or civilized or whatever ( I really am, I'm not being sarcastic). I also believe I have the right to air my anger and wants. If they be televized, why not? I shall be highlighting what many other women are going through but cannot make their grievances known because they are intimidated through lack of education and exposure etc. Likewise I do have a western tutelage or what ever u choose to call it, and I doubt you will be able to live peacefully with me as you so aptly put it.
One last thing I would like to add is that no matter what anyone thinks of me or what others may choose to see as my abberant points of view, I am answerable to no one except Allah SWT.
DB thanks for yr support.
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Offline Sani Danbaffa

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Re: GROWING RATE OF DIVORCE IN KANO
« Reply #81 on: January 28, 2009, 06:03:46 PM »
Haba jama'a! It is not in our character for ladies (Zawarawa) to appear in public demonstrating! Haba! Haba!! Haba!!! Watsewar ta mu ba ta kai haka ba ai. A tuna muna da da'a, da mafada. Sannan duk Arewa na duban mu da daraja, kada mu yi qarkon kifi mana! A tuna Kano zangarniya ce mai ba da iri. Mazaje mu tausaya mu riqe aure su kuma mata su ji maganar iyayen su, su kuma guji abin da zai jawo fitina ga aluma. Allah kyauta kuma ya ba su maza na gari masu haquri! Sannan kafin ai aure a dubi halin maauratan daidai da zamani da kuma shekarun da irin abubuwan da za su biyo bayan auren! Kowa halin sa na sauya wa kwatankwacin irin halin da i samu kan sa/ta.
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Offline HUSNAA

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Re: GROWING RATE OF DIVORCE IN KANO
« Reply #82 on: January 28, 2009, 06:05:48 PM »


i'd also like to mention something thats kind of related to this subject, i dont know whether anyone here has watched a programme that came up with the name child brides in nigeria?
well anyway its about these young young girls getting married early, getting preganant but not always giving birth due to complications leading to fitsula and giving an end result to becoming a divorcee, wallahi it was sad but anyway what am saying here is that a girl is given to a guy in good condition amma don rashin mutunci when the girl develops fitsula the guy divorces her kuma ba dan shi bane ta shiga matsalar dake damu ta ba, please tell me this isnt rashin mutunci and to top it up the girl may become permenantely damaged as with one girl in the programme, wallahi abin tausayi.


Allah Shi miki albarka Ameera. This is some of the issues that we are talking about. Kuma the only ppl doing anything to alleviate the suffering of these unfortunate VVF victims are NGOS, and foreign doctors who come to operate on these poor girls. What are the men in our society doing about it? Not a damn thing except to divorce the girls when they get VVF. Like u said, namiji ya auri yarinya, ta kasa haihuwa, ta sami wannan larurar and all of a sudden she becomes repulsive to him. Mai makon ma ya sake aure in yaso ya rika kula da ita, shi ba zai taimaka mata da jinya a asibiti ba, sai dai ta koma wurin iyayen ta su ta jinyar ta har sai in Allah Ya Sa zata kubuta da ga wannan mugun hali, in kuma ya gaji, yabita da takardar saki. Haba wannan cinzalin da mai yayi kama? Kuma our nigerian muslim men have this holier than thou attitude, don Annabi SAW yace mata sun fi maza yawa a cikin wutar jahannama. So they feel as if what ever they do, they are immune to retribution and recknoning in the hereafter. It is rather like the attitude of Jews mentioned in the Qur'an that the Jews feel they will be in hell for a few days only, and after that, they will be transferred to paradise. Those conversant with the Holy Qur'an know only too well irin challenge din da aka jefa musu in the Qur'an regarding that attitude. Thus men beware in case that challenge encompasses you also.
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

Offline Lawwali

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Re: GROWING RATE OF DIVORCE IN KANO
« Reply #83 on: January 29, 2009, 10:14:28 AM »
Haba jama'a! It is not in our character for ladies (Zawarawa) to appear in public demonstrating! Haba! Haba!! Haba!!! Watsewar ta mu ba ta kai haka ba ai. A tuna muna da da'a, da mafada. Sannan duk Arewa na duban mu da daraja, kada mu yi qarkon kifi mana! A tuna Kano zangarniya ce mai ba da iri. Mazaje mu tausaya mu riqe aure su kuma mata su ji maganar iyayen su, su kuma guji abin da zai jawo fitina ga aluma. Allah kyauta kuma ya ba su maza na gari masu haquri! Sannan kafin ai aure a dubi halin maauratan daidai da zamani da kuma shekarun da irin abubuwan da za su biyo bayan auren! Kowa halin sa na sauya wa kwatankwacin irin halin da i samu kan sa/ta.
I vehemently Disagree with you sani Danbaffa, Just as Husna said, there is not categorical sanction in islam which prohibits women to demonstrate or protest injustice or discrimination. We were told by Historians that during the era of Caliph Umar (RA), a woman protested in his presence when he (umar) wanted to put a limit on Dowry (sadaqi) for women, and he agreed with her. He did not say she cannaot talk in public (mosque) because she is a woman.
  what i want us to know is that the more we confines our women the more we prown them to accepting western ideologies that Islam Has deprives them of their Rights. You can see how this campaign has effectively rooted in our society now, to such an extent that even glaringly prohibited things were being challenged by our women, e.g Climbing Achaba.

  I also found your thinking that demonstration of women is watsewa as myopic
  And also maza nagari masu Hakuri are only produced by the society (refer to my last post above)
What i add is to say such kind of demonstration needs a careful planning and effective control, which i think the organisers are not capable of doing, also because of our sick society.
it takes oppressed and oppressor for oppression to occur

Offline Dan-Borno

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Re: GROWING RATE OF DIVORCE IN KANO
« Reply #84 on: January 29, 2009, 12:27:31 PM »
Haba jama'a!

Haba Danbaffa!

It is not in our character for ladies (Zawarawa) to appear in public demonstrating!

It is equally not in our character to do injustices to
zawarawa in secrets, by divrocing them with out any
just reason.

A tuna muna da da'a, da mafada.

mafada? suna ina ake ta sake mata amma babu mai
cewa uffan, sai yanzu ne muka san muna da mafada?

Mazaje mu tausaya mu riqe aure su kuma mata su ji maganar iyayen su, su kuma guji abin da zai jawo fitina ga aluma.

very fair statement

kuma idan ba rashin imani da munafunci irin ta harkar siyasar
najeriya da ake fakewa da addini. musulunci bai yarda da tauye
hakki ba.

mu mazaje have failed, this is what most of you guys dont want
to agree with me.
"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for" - Tupak

Offline EMTL

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Re: GROWING RATE OF DIVORCE IN KANO
« Reply #85 on: January 29, 2009, 02:08:36 PM »
kuma idan ba rashin imani da munafunci irin ta harkar siyasar najeriya da ake fakewa da addini. musulunci bai yarda da tauye hakki ba. mu mazaje have failed, this is what most of you guys dont want to agree with me.

Assalamu alaikum,
Tun kana bani mamaki har ka fara bani tausayi- bai yi daidai kanayin jam'i ba a wasu kalamanka. Kai dai ka roki Allah (SWT) Ya Yafe kuma Yasa dukkanmu mu gyara, kuma kaji tsoron Allah (SWT) ka fadi abinda yake shine maslaha- wanda idan gobe Qiyama Allah (SWT) ya tada kai kayi bayani baza kayi ladama ba, kaji Yayana Dan Barno?
In the Affairs of People Fear Allah (SWT). In the Matters Relating to Allah (SWT) Do not be Afraid of Anybody. Ibn Katthab (RA).

Offline Lawwali

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Re: GROWING RATE OF DIVORCE IN KANO
« Reply #86 on: January 29, 2009, 03:39:21 PM »
kuma idan ba rashin imani da munafunci irin ta harkar siyasar najeriya da ake fakewa da addini. musulunci bai yarda da tauye hakki ba. mu mazaje have failed, this is what most of you guys dont want to agree with me.

Assalamu alaikum,
Tun kana bani mamaki har ka fara bani tausayi- bai yi daidai kanayin jam'i ba a wasu kalamanka. Kai dai ka roki Allah (SWT) Ya Yafe kuma Yasa dukkanmu mu gyara, kuma kaji tsoron Allah (SWT) ka fadi abinda yake shine maslaha- wanda idan gobe Qiyama Allah (SWT) ya tada kai kayi bayani baza kayi ladama ba, kaji Yayana Dan Barno?

  Wa Alaikassalam,
 Uncle EMTL, i became confused when i found you soft pedalling on this issue towards emencipating our society from this monster we inflicted on ourselves and our society, I want to believe most of our problems today stems from family Background. Tell me if the mother was divorced, father as careless as the one who can divorce just to satisfy his ego (aunty Husna's post), what will be the fate of the child or children if not BARA (begging), prostitution etc. My thinking is that uncle EMTL will champion the cause of rectifying the problem from the Grass root (Family), instead of from answer to the Question. Please we needed people of your calibre to lead the vanguard for emanciation of the ummah from the menace of ramphant divorce. If you wiil refer to my first post under this thread, I am afraid let's no we will be marrying a non properly divorced divorcees. kaga aure kan aure kenan, wal iyaz billah. A dai duba al'amrin a gani.
it takes oppressed and oppressor for oppression to occur

Offline waduz

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Re: GROWING RATE OF DIVORCE IN KANO
« Reply #87 on: January 30, 2009, 10:01:11 AM »
Kash! an otherwise very good topic for discussion, has been turned into camps! The Husnaa camp and the EMTL camp! I do not belong to any camp, but I agree with what one Sani Danbaffa said,. That, its not in "our" character to behold our ladies demonstrating on the streets.
Every one should know that our women are to be highly revered and respected. Apart from being our mothers, they also form part of our lives. Men do not have a better patner than a woman, and vice versa.
If the truth is to be told, those ladies contemplating demonstrating on the streets cannot be true moslems! A woman remains a "woman" no matter what any one thinks! Nagode, Sani.

Offline EMTL

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Re: GROWING RATE OF DIVORCE IN KANO
« Reply #88 on: January 30, 2009, 10:11:30 AM »
Assalamu alaikum,
Waduz, I have joined your camp............... this ends the 'she' says 'he' says. I also agree with what one Sani Danbaffa said and your secondment. That, its not in "our" character to behold our ladies demonstrating on the streets. Every one should know that our women are to be highly revered and respected. Apart from being our mothers, they also form part of our lives. Men do not have a better patner than a woman, and vice versa. Thanks! Nagode, Sani, Lawalli & Waduz.

I have seen in many communities where 'Komitin sulhu' and 'komitin gajiyayyu' solve lots of family problems. Allah (SWT) ya sanya mu a hanya mafi dacewa.
« Last Edit: January 30, 2009, 10:19:18 AM by EMTL »
In the Affairs of People Fear Allah (SWT). In the Matters Relating to Allah (SWT) Do not be Afraid of Anybody. Ibn Katthab (RA).

Offline HUSNAA

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Re: GROWING RATE OF DIVORCE IN KANO
« Reply #89 on: January 30, 2009, 03:31:35 PM »
Kai Jama'a! Waduz da ETML. The problem is that all the reverence and respect for women is just talk. In reality many men do not respect women at all. The only woman who gets the respect of any man is his mother, period; and that also because of tsaurin da Allah Ya dora wa namiji game da mahaifiyar sa. Its not in the character of northern nigerian men to behold their women demonstrating in the street. To ai mazn ne su ka kai matan har bango, that is why. As for what DB said, ni banga abin da yafada ba that merits such condemnation from ETML. Gaskiya kurum ya fada. Men have failed! Or is it now blasphemy to say men have failed?
Ghafurallahi lana wa lakum

 


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