Are we romantic????????????!!

[gogannaka]

Toh a tona min asiri  >:(

lol

[Ibro2g]

if he goes ahead with the marriage den dat marriage is haram.

I think what LadyMercuful is tryina say is there has to be a good understanding between the husband and wife before he brings in another wife. If she does not agree, it becomes religiously Haram not politically wrong Could this be true?

In the early days of Islam in nigeria, alot of things were not enlightened to the populace so as to win thier faith. It is a preching strategy, da'awa still done today. And the Natives mixed Islam with thier local cultural traditions. Things changed for the better when Usman Dan-fodio succeeded with the Jihad...could information like this remain unattended all this while? is it true?[/color]

[Dan-Borno]

Ibro i dont understand you at all.  Are speaking on behalf
of Rahima ne ko kuma just trying to translate her English
into our English?

[arubuta]

Hmm, nice one DB, i lyk it: English into English
well ladyM Elaborate
but it seems majority if not ol of the girls will not agree to dat,
den ladyM how on earth can dem boys add furda anoda wyf?

well guys, especially dose marid, which iz beta, KANWA ko KISHIYA,
if dere is a beta one tel me, Please !

[Ibro2g]

DB lol My point is in Nigeria we simply bring in another wife without the consent of the first, according to Lady Merciful that is haram... I have no knowledge of it.  If that is true, our wives need to agree to bringin in another wife before we do. no more threats of "zan maki kishiya" lol Savvy?

[Hafsy_Lady]

[/i]well guys, especially dose marid, which iz beta, KANWA ko KISHIYA, if dere is a beta one tel me, Please !

Mr Man, if you want peace of mind just find that one woman you believe will sufficiently make you contented and marry and dot your full stop by leaving her as the only ultimate. Calculate and wed that one woman that is religiously sound, decent, respectable, and educated and one who will be there for you through thick and thin and always keep you in high spirits. If you do this, there won't be need for another. But the problem with some of my brothers, fathers, or sons is that: your calculations are frequently wrong. But allow me to make this evenly clear. with today's generation all these young and small boys that are getting married, all I have been hearing is one, one, one wife and no additional spouse. The last time I heard such was from one wealthy but old cabbage who was taking my very close friend as his third wife. But with the young and modern boys the norm for additional spouse is fast changing (yippie! our daugthers & their kids & their grand kid will be safe!) because they have realised that they do not want to be caught in the webs of emotional liability, financial liability, and all the liabilities attached to raising offspring's (bear in mind, a little parental zig-zag could destroy a child's upbringing) & siblings rivalry! Now, every man wants good family sustainability and to achieve this excellently, LESS IS MORE and therefore having one wife is first-rate!!!!!

So Arubuta you might find perhaps one or two point notable and if you refuse to adher, and eventually end up with more than one, naso kata-kata go dey boast for your house. I have seen and witnessed a lot of these happenstances. If all men were ultrasound these days wallahi you will remain with one wife. Jokes apart and I am not talking about the equitable interest of us women but what some men go through at the expense of having more than one wife is saddening. Some begin to age when they are meant to be still in their ravishing youth whilst others develop BP, depression and non-exaggeratingly such issues ends up affecting their social and work cohesion infact wholly destroying them. So gentlemen, you will do yourself a hell of good if you keep one wife! ;D

@ Rahima, i dont know if its a suggestion you are bringing
or the law is in force where you reside?  However, here
in Nigeria you dont need the permission of your first wife
to remarry, although you need to inform her (sometimes)
of your intention to bring in another occupant.

Dan-Borno Seeking consent from your first wife to get her a mate is actually in accordance with Islamic code and of courseeeeeeeeeeeee I WILL SAY NO ;D because you cant have two captains on one boat! >:(

Lastly, what alot of you men dont understand is that it is not the KISHIYA/SECOND MATE or AMARYA that is the problem and not that she is part of the solution eitherway. The major source of the only problem in any polygamous family which is jelousy is caused by the second problem and the biggest problem: the man!!! You male species!!! Why? I will not run threadmills on my billion and one reasons but remind ourselves my most improtant reasons and already past commentaries from some members vehemently voiced it out: and it is nothing but the problem of inequality. I call it "Irrationality of all inequalities"!!! Now that is my gripe!!! Imagine refering me, your first wife in the midst of your male freinds as (TOKUNBO) and calling your amarya a (CHASIS)!! >:( If such degrading & discriminatory behaviour can start in the way you begin to address me and your second wife, how on earth can you prove yourself worthy on submitting equal treatment to the both of us? >:(

If men have no such infidelity of discrimination or favourtism in their polygamous family, for all I care, "HE" can marry 4 wives and even a surplus of concubines. Na HIS palava!

[Dan-Borno]

I call it "Irrationality of all inequalities"!!!

Imagine refering me, your first wife in the midst of your male freinds as (TOKUNBO) and calling your amarya a (CHASIS)!! >:(

;D   ;D    ;D    ;D    ;D    ;D   let me laugh before i
start replying your post Hafsy Ladyyyyyyyyyyyyy

[bakangizo]

So Arubuta you might find perhaps one or two point notable and if you refuse to adher, and eventually end up with more than one, naso kata-kata go dey boast for your house. I have seen and witnessed a lot of these happenstances. If all men were ultrasound these days wallahi you will remain with one wife. Jokes apart and I am not talking about the equitable interest of us women but what some men go through at the expense of having more than one wife is saddening. Some begin to age when they are meant to be still in their ravishing youth whilst others develop BP, depression and non-exaggeratingly such issues ends up affecting their social and work cohesion infact wholly destroying them. So gentlemen, you will do yourself a hell of good if you keep one wife! ;D
[/color]

Duk wata lacca taki da alaye, bamu yarda da ita ba. Mun gane wayon. :P Sai mun karo muku masu taya ku zaman gida. Guys, maza ayi himma a kokarta ayo kari. Kawai sai ka zauna da mace daya kamar Pastor ko fitilar Vespa   >:(

[Dan-Borno]

BakanGizo, you are todays HERO   :-*

[kitkat]

So Arubuta you might find perhaps one or two point notable and if you refuse to adher, and eventually end up with more than one, naso kata-kata go dey boast for your house. I have seen and witnessed a lot of these happenstances. If all men were ultrasound these days wallahi you will remain with one wife. Jokes apart and I am not talking about the equitable interest of us women but what some men go through at the expense of having more than one wife is saddening. Some begin to age when they are meant to be still in their ravishing youth whilst others develop BP, depression and non-exaggeratingly such issues ends up affecting their social and work cohesion infact wholly destroying them. So gentlemen, you will do yourself a hell of good if you keep one wife! ;D
[/color]

Duk wata kacca taki da alaye, bamu yarda da ita ba. Mun gane wayon. :P Sai mun karo muku masu taya ku zaman gida. Guys, maza ayi himma a kokarta ayo kari. Kawai sai ka zauna da mace daya kamar Pastor ko fitilar Vespa   >:(

Ka mun daidai Wallahi, da kana kusa da na ma kyauta irin ta mutanen da. Kar ku yarda da wani turancin banza. Romans za mu ci??

[Ibro2g]

HAFCYYY Nice to see you. Amma with the way you are talking its like u may never give into marriage. I just wanto to point out two things here

In a marriage (whether thier is an issue of kishiya or not), when there is a problem in the marriage its not the MAN's fault or the WIFE's fault either, when you have a problem then YOU have a problem. You need to settle down and solve it. We never really get anywhere by exercising our powers or rights forcefully anywhere likewise marriage. And pointing fingers have never solved our problems either. If we do not share our strenghts and find the patience to tollerate our mates, forgive in our hearts and make selfless contributions, then we might as well just give up marriage. The correction we all seek ladies and gentlemen is in our hearts, starts with us. Kishiya shouldn't even be an issue, even when it comes to romance. Which brings me to my second point....

This thread was a question that looks into our character and traditions of whether we(Hausa/fulani, yan maiduguri, yoruba and all naija) are Romantic or not, by nature or by adaptation. There are great men I know today that live a blissful life with 3-4 wives. Thier kids are in perfect harmony and whenever I'm there, I envy such a family. They are indeed blessed and great men.
Now Honestly, Romance is a double edged sword that can only be measured by the one on the other edge. Those who complain probably have no romance in them. If u think u do, then allow urself be judged, dont just complain about him/her.

I was judged by Rahima back there  ;D lol someone should bring a testimony 8)

May Safety and peace be with you

[ummita]

Despite a very good comment from Husna, recently you guys are still going at it.

it is not the KISHIYA/SECOND MATE or AMARYA that is the problem and not that she is part of the solution eitherway. The major source of the only problem in any polygamous family which is jelousy is caused by the second problem and the biggest problem: the man!!!

Dang!!!!! Jackpot..........you've just hit the nail on the head.

If such degrading & discriminatory behaviour can start in the way you begin to address me and your second wife, how on earth can you prove yourself worthy on submitting equal treatment to the both of us?   [/color]

My brothers!

Imagine refering me, your first wife in the midst of your male freinds as (TOKUNBO) and calling your amarya a (CHASIS)!! >:(

Kawai sai ka zauna da mace daya kamar Pastor ko fitilar Vespa   >:(

Romans za mu ci??

Dear Lord.......... ;D   ;D    ;D    ;D    ;D    ;D    ;D  ;D  ;D. You people wan kill pessin. This topic just gets better. Let me quickly grab some popcorn, a chair and an iced drink. Show down!! ;D

[waduz]

DBN, BG n Goga......darm it! Where was I when all of this was taking place? You know guys, for those of us that still have three extra rooms to be filled with, you know, the thread is quite interesting. I have never accross any thing that directs the "intending husband", to first seek for
permission from his wife before he takes another. But I know very well
that the husband should, as a mark of respect and regards for his wife,
tell her that he intends to get married to another wife, as the Koran and
Hadith have enjoined men, who can be able to have more than one wife,
to do so. To seek for permission from one's wife before before grtting
another? No! There is no woman that can listen to that, or even the husband
such permission! Some men have to be men enough to acquire
what is allowed for them!

Ofcourse, traditions and cultures may vary, but the actual deeds of the marriage,
like payment of dowry, fatihah, witnesses etc, are the same requirements and nobody
can change them. However, the aspect of how celebration of marriages differ
as people celebrate according to the dictates of their traditions. Even at that,
the religion recognizes Walimah as a  better way of celebrating.

Let us keep talking, we are all learning.........

[ummita]

Waited so long in anticipation of Hafsy and the: "Men's association of one man four wives" here.........still no show from them (*yawns*) .......!!! Am disappointed. >:( Was hoping for a big rumble!!!! ;D

Anyway, I was reading this news online and the first person(s) that came to my mind was you guys, remembering the funny banters that were going on in respect of the subject in place & I taught to bring it to the dinner table.............

Few weeks back and in Riyadh..........this man got married without informing his first wife and brought his new wife home after some days honeymoonin. Cold pleasantries were exchanged between puzzled faced-first wife to her husband and the female guest. Now comes the "very kind", "one single sentence" explanation from the husband: Meet my new wife!!!!! Shocked in disbelief, the first wife ran to the balcony and plunged from a 17th flat storey building. Though still alive, but now completely paralyzed neck down............

[ummita]

Message for the soul sistas: goes at our expense, but hey, least we know what's the deal.............!!!!!

THEORETIC POEM
If a man lives 4 himself, he will not live for you. So women should not be fooled by romantic love because ultimately he will not love you more than he loves himself. For even if it appears to be so, he is doing it only for himself, which is still self-love. So don't be tricked!

(*she laffs*)