How long should courtship last?

[Barde]

it's really funny to hear you said that Twinkle. I think in our society nowadayz the woman should care more about love and marriage because there's possiblity of itace za a bari cikin heartache and baccin rai.

Thanx Gimbiya,you better make Twinkle understand the realities on ground.

[Hafsy_Lady]

On d other hand, LOVE & MARRIAGES dont cum with guarantees.......u cant fynd them in d heart of ur lover, let alone ur lover assurin u that. So whether two lovers court or not....there isnt any guarantee whether they wud b 2gether 4 eternity....xcept in d will of Allah

DAMN RIGHT. MA BLAD. ;)

I DONT SEE ANY REASON WHY A GUY AND A GURL SHOULD COURT THEMSELVES ANYWAY ::) IF AT THE END OF THE DAY, THEY HAVE BOTH KNOW THEY MIGHT NOT MARRY EACH OTHER. THEN WHY IN THE NAME OG LURD SHOULD THEY COURT. TO ME, ITSN A BIG WAY OF WAISTING A VALUABLE TIME.

SIMILAR TO WHAT MY GIRL TWINKLE, WAS SAYING. WOMEN DONT NEED NOTHING LIKE COURTING. THE MEN ARE CLINGING TWENTY FOR SEVEN! KUMA STILL AT THE END. WE GET BORED OF THEM. mhmmmm DEAR LIFE.

MEN PLZ CHILL!!! (THE PURPOSE OF MAN ON EARTH IS TO LOVE ANYWAY, SO GIRLS WHY BOTHER? ::)

[Waziri]

That is great,

Many ppl have commented and all are making sense. I personally do not think courtship to be that necessary but suggest that ppl should be guided by principles NOT emotions  in relationship.

That was why I said and asserted that love is no HOLIDAY, and it is not a feeling or a noun but an action and a verb. It is not something you cannot help feeling but it is something u can afford to give, control and monitor. So whether there is courtship or not, your relationship, its sustainability, is something in your full control.

.....
& Waz.......dont get me wrong....of course we have 2 make each other...happy even not 4 d sake of lov, but 4 d sake of Islam.....wen I meant we shudnt sacrifice happiness....blah blah & blah I meant wen it cums 2 issues concernin relationship....where one party does not put faith & sacrifice. Now u tell me, then wats d point of sacrificin ur happiness........wen u know 4 a fact that wat u will receive bck aint happiness>?! I can make sooooooo many sacrifices & I hav actually done alot....& it came with gurantee that they were happy.

On d other hand, LOVE & MARRIAGES dont cum with guarantees.......u cant fynd them in d heart of ur lover, let alone ur lover assurin u that. So whether two lovers court or not....there isnt any guarantee whether they wud b 2gether 4 eternity....xcept in d will of Allah

You see, Ummita, right from the outset, I did not suggest that one must sacrifice ALL his happiness for those his loves but I said one must learn to make sacrifices for it is in making sacrifices you achieve happiness in marriage and all other relationships.

Even if we consider such assertion from my humble self to mean sacrificing one's happiness, I think I can find  justification in history. Because it was the sacrifices of our predecessors which sometimes meant them losing their own lives, at times in marriages like that of the wife of Ahmadu Bello Sardauna of Sokoto that brought us to where we are today as humanbeings and "happy" social beings.

Ummita, if u can make ppl happy, sarifice for them, for the sake of Islam, why then can you not do the same for the sake of love? Here we can conviniently ask to hear  the difference  between love and Islam. After all a good Muslim is he who loves and hates only for God's sake.

Ummita, marriages do not come wid guarantees. Yes, they don't. But the challenge is always to work hard even after the marriage in order to get, discover and carve out the guarantees. and This is the sole reason why we say: LOVE IS NO HOLIDAY. Whe u choose to enter into it, you work to keep it and when u cease to work to keep it, it begins to detoriate and rot, thereby shattering your partner's ever dream of happiness  thus infecting your own happiness too.  

For if you kill ppl you are killing your self
the more you harm others the more you harm yourself
It is a reflecting mirror and the image is yourself...
The boomerang is boomeranging and the target is yourself

Ummita, the above verses are the same when you do good. When you sacrifice everything of your happiness for those you love, in the name of Allah. You will at the end of the find that you are not sacrificing for others but for yourself.

Thank you all and God Bless.

[Waziri]

I am sorry pls... tis not that am an expert or a "grand" councellor like that. But some person who is interested in saving his generation from gross self-mismanagement which inturns affect their disposition and character in private and public living. Making them to at the end of the day loose grip and remain unhappy for the rest of their life.

It is quite unfortunate. And as a result I offer a sort of free "councelling" here. Any body who feels we can help him/her solve her personal problem through deep insight and sound reasoning can e-mail or IM-mesage us, or even express the problem on the General Board of this forum.

Insha Allah, we will try as much as we can to the best of our abilities to see that we help him/her out thereby leaving those things we cannot achieve to Allah the ultimate healer.

[Saurayi]

Salam,
Left to me I will say there shouldn't be any coyrtship before marriage. This is because it is nothing but fake. No one shows his/her true character. The guy always try to be Mr. Nice while the babe potrays a very different character. I remember once a friend confided in me a day after his wedding., that if his wife had a twin sister, he could have said they gave him a wrong bride.

As per issue of lasting marriage one should just pray to God.

[gogannaka]

I think courtship is a necessary bridge b4 marriage.As saurayi said people tend to portray their good side and i believe it's in this period of portrayal that the couple get to understand each other.it is at this point that the question of how long courtship should last comes to effect....On my part i believe courtship should last for nothing less than a year coz it would be difficult for one to pretend for a year that he's/she's this or that.....