KanoOnline.com Forum

Not being a muslim myself but having lots of muslim relatives.  I have seen the kind of pain and suffering our women in the north go through because of polygamy, and I must say our women are very strong indeed because some of the stories actually qualify as horror stories. I have always tried to understand what islam really says about polygamy and I do not for one minute want to believe what I see happening arround me in the name of islam is really what should happen.  I would like to be educated a bit on the subject and would like some contribution on some of the following questions

1.  What does the quran really say about polygamy, does it just permit polygamy or does it permit polygamy only if a person can afford it and if the wives are treated equally?

2.  Is their a system of evaluating a person in islam who intends to go into polygamy to find out if he meets the requirements to get into a polygamy?  Is there a penalty or punishment for a person who clearly does not treat one of his wives properly in accordance to the dictates of the quran?

3.  Do we have, especially in the sharia states, a system of evaluating people to find if they are competent to go into polygamy in accordance to islamic dictates or people just go into it as they will?  Does this not cause alot of injustices?

4.  In turkey that is a predominantly islamic country, polygamy is banned completely legally is this acceptable and can it be another way of address the non adherance to islamic requirements in a polygamy?

Dear Mallamt,

You have raised very important points by your questions. Though I do not have sufficient time to address them now, I will nevertheless ask you  a relevant question that I suppose will answer your question in "maximum" summary. Haven't you ever seen a polygamy that worked perfectly, without the rancour and bitterness normally associated with the practice?
If the answer is yes, which I suspect it should be, then I will say the problem is not with the polygamy that is permitted in Islam but with the persons practicing it.

However, I do not fail to see that your question asked for how exactly Islam say it shall be done and that I intend to address on my next logging, but if any of the brother here or sister is able to  grant your request before me I will be most appreciateive.

Assalamu alaikum,
Reason for Marraige:
About marriage Allah (SWT) says in the Holy Qur'an in Suratun Nisa'i:  "If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice two, or three, or four, but if ye fear thou shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then marry only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess." (Q 4:3).

The Hadith below, quoted from a Book-Kitabul Barakah, relates that the Holy Prophet (PBUH) said, "Whosoever should refuse to get married out of the fear of the financial burden in maintaining a family, he is not part of us Muslims, and Allah delegates two Angels who will write on his face, between his eyes the following, This man is the one who neglects the Sunna (path of Allah, i.e. Marriage) as ordained by Allah; give him (i.e. assure him) of the drift and shortage of wealth."

A hadith narrated by Said bin Jubair (RA) reported that Ibn 'Abbas (RA) asked me, "Are you married?" I replied, "No." He said, "Marry, for the best person of this nation (Muslim Umma) of all other Muslims (i.e., Muhammad [PBUH]), had the largest number of wives."

Allah (SWT) says, "If they be poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Grace and bounty." Q (24: 32)

Factors Determining The Position Of Marriage To A Muslim:
As described below, desire, health and means are the factors that determine whether it is compulsory (Fard), lawful and recommendable (Halal), detestable (Mak'ruh) or prohibited (Haram) for a person to marry.

i. Marriage is Fard (compulsory) no a person who can afford the means, is healthy and cannot control his desire for women though he likes bearing children.

ii It is Halal (Lawful); marriage is halal (lawful) to a person who can afford the means while he can control his desires despite being healthy.

iii. It is Mak'ruh (detested) to a person who may be healthy but cannot afford rearing and does not possess any desire for women.

iv. It is Haram (prohibited) to a person who is not healthy (e.g. impotent) and and/or has no desire for women.

It can be deduced that:
1. Marriage is a form of worship, to explain the fact that Islam encourages polygamy, the command on the number of women a Muslim is expected to marry start with, ......Marry women of your choice TWO, or THREE, or FOUR....." Only weak people who have conceeded that they who cannot establish justice among their wives are excused to marry ONLY one wife.
2. Marriage is a command from Allah (SWT) to the believers and an improtant Sunna of the Holy Prophet (PBUH) and is a way of establishing a sound family based on love and the fear of Allah (SWT).

Islam permits the muslim man to have up to, but no more than four wives.  If he does not feel that he can be just and fair between several women, he is instructed to have only one.  He must consider his ability to

>divide his time evenly,
>to provide separate living quarters for each woman in a way that matches the general standards of the surrounding community, and
>to financially provide food and clothing and shelter for all women (and children produced as a result).


Punishment for not being Fair between Wives:
The Noble Qur'an - Al-Ma'idah 4:3 "And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan?girls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice."

"...Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have right over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their right upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner. ..." [Muslim 2803.1, Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah]

He should also be aware of and prepared for the natural jealousies in women (Aisha said she was "most jealous of all").

Hadith - Sunan of Abu Dawood #2128, Narrated Abu Hurairah, r.a.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: When a man has two wives and he is inclined to one of them, he will come on the Day of resurrection with a side hanging down [i.e. paralyzed].

The facts:
1. One of my colleques (A Greek) once said that Islam is realistic by approving pologamy, as man is by nature created to practice polygamy,
2. A woman is more honoured when taken as a second wife than as a Mistress'
3. In other non-Islamic cultures the women constitute the majority of the Workforce and provide for the family. There is a community in Nigeria where only women pay tax; their women cultivate the food products while the men whileaaway under the shade drinking 'burkutu'.
4. Although polygamy is not allowed in non-Islamic societies, but affairs with other women outside marriage seems to be accepted.
5. In Turkey, polygamy might have been banned by politicians who do not implement Shariah,
6. I met some colleques in the far East, while having dinner and discussing social issues, my Canadian friend explained that when most Canadians understood that divorce was on the rise many now have decided to live together as man and or woman without getting married, aqnd since then the 'problem' has subsided. You could imagine their response when when i explained that i have married two wives and we are living peacefully.

The most important thing to a believer is believing what Allah (SWT) commands and how an act was explained/practiced by the Holy Prophet (SAW). Marriage is an Ibadat (an act of worship) and must be believed and treated as such.

Quote from: "EMTL"Assalamu alaikum,
Hadith - Sunan of Abu Dawood #2128, Narrated Abu Hurairah, r.a.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: When a man has two wives and he is inclined to one of them, he will come on the Day of resurrection with a side hanging down [i.e. paralyzed].

Probably about 99% of Nigerian men will be half paralyzed on the day of judgement

QuoteProbably about 99% of Nigerian men will be half paralyzed on the day of judgement

Haba HUSNAA, How do you come to this conclusion. Not all "Nigerian Men" have more than one wife, some do not have any, and of those that have more than one wife, you mean to tell me that ALL are inclined to only one of them?

Admin, I'm sure you belong in the excluded 1%!!!!! So take heart!! :D  :D  :D

Husna, what informs your seeming absolute certainty on your conviction? Was it an experience, statistics or revelation :lol: ? I believe several factors make up to label one to be good or bad. Apart from natural inclinations resulting from factors harnessed by family background, such as material affluence or lack of; emotional stability or its absence; intellectual fluidity, firmness or their opposite.  There are also other things we pick on the streets due to the influence of our environments such as moral uprightness and physical chastity.

I wonder why you think of men in such a very detestable context and I will like to learn from your database. Yes, I  have sisters, warming to get married to Nigerian men on whom you zeroid your opinion on disregarding the fact of their diversity and the hard reality that they are all imbibing from diffrent value systems and cultural pots.

Above all I fear the fact that I am a Nigerian young and unmarried man, a potential husband to probably a non-Nigerian lady who might be visiting this site in order to learn more about the Nigerian people. I am afaid, she may find your comment very discouraging. She may not marry me at the end. Thus you will be written in the book of life in such moment as one who helped in bungling the process of enlivening the SUNNA of the prophet of Islam. It is then we will begin to think, on the basis of Islamic values, as to whether it is Nigerian men that are bad or their women.  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol: No pun intended pls.

Take heart Waziri,  I am sure you are also of the excluded :lol:  :lol:  :lol: .

Well you know how it is. It is a sweeping statement of course. There are many many good men around that are good husband material as well, but where are they?  :(  :(  :(
But  seriously speaking, as long as a man has more than one wife, it is almost impossible for him yayi adalci between them. Fadar AlQur'ani ce. That is how I come to the conclusion that many of them will be half rotten on the day of Quiyamah. Kuma dai mazan Arewa ma dai sai dai ace to, Alhamdullilahi, amma ba su iya ririta matan su ba.

At any rate, I can assure you, you can direct any potential spouse to me and I will give glowing references on yr behalf!!!

Mhm.. Husna since your condition for excluding men from your conclusion is for them to voice their complaint on this thread, I will try and get as many men as possible so that at the end of the day your perception will tilt and the percentage  of  bad Nigerian men gets reduced to like 50%.

On a more serious note, I feel the problem of life at any given time is myself not the other person: my friend, my boss, collegue or my potential wife. That is to say, those complaining about their spouses alot, should try hard to realise the fact that Karfe daya baya amo . The other party can't be wrong all the time while we remain innocent.

Concerning justice among wives, I think going by the precedent of history, we cannot say it is impossible to achieve. What is impossible to achieve is loving two people equally and Qur'an did not ask us to love our wives equally. It asks us to do justice to them. And justice according classical science of Islamic Jurisprudence, Usul al Fiqh, is understood to mean, keeping something in its rightful position. That is why in Islam it is believed that it is not wrong to distinguish among ones ones wives in terms of the food one gives them, shelter and clothing, based on the orientation of each wife, exposure, and her location in the  social ladder and place of her culture in the stream of consciousness of her spouse.

Don't worry, Husna, for any potential spouse, I will make sure I introduce her to you, Husna just as I sent the address of another one long ago into your PM box. :wink:  :wink: