KanoOnline.com Forum

Quote from: EMTL on January 04, 2008, 11:27:18 AM

Quote from: gogannaka on January 04, 2008, 08:29:53 AM
Then came the hadith that the prophet SAW never provided a househelp to A'isha.That she even requested but was given some supplication to do which would give her the strength to carry out her home duties.

Is anyone aware if the Prophet provided a househelp to any of his wives?

Assalamu alaikum,
Was it Aishat (RA) or Fatimah (RA)?

Sorry..i meant Aisha.

But it is the duty of the Husband not Father to provide a househelp ko?

Quote from: HUSNAA"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect". Suratul Rum aya 21.
The sort of love that comes into effect is one in which understanding, traquillity, need, companionship contentment and a sense of purpose take over.

Mind you with today's world as it is and has become, this has become a utopian dream  Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin

You are not giving me courage at all.
You too DB and BKG

Quote from: gogannaka on January 07, 2008, 05:54:13 PM
You are not giving me courage at all.
You too DB and BKG

Allah Sarki abokina, you won't understand how this marriage
of a thing works, continue reading your hadith books and
arguments about wether to bring "boyi boyi or not", after ur
marriage, you will be running the house off-the-manual.

SAI KAYI GOGANNAKA

Quote from: Dan-Borno on January 07, 2008, 07:03:23 PM

Allah Sarki abokina, you won't understand how this marriage
of a thing works, continue reading your hadith books and
arguments about wether to bring "boyi boyi or not", after ur
marriage, you will be running the house off-the-manual.

SAI KAYI GOGANNAKA

Kai Km Bornoye! U fit kill pesin with laughter Wallahi ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
lallai ka cika masanin al'amuran zaman takewa!!!!

Auntyn Muhsin, you surely know what i mean, because
there are times you dont operate by the manual ko?
Kin san idan mutum is about to get married, he will be
reading all the hadith about marriages and every Qur'anic
verse he can lay his hands on about marriage.  Suddenly
after the marriage kuma!!!!!!!!  8)
LOL dont tell them what you know Auntyn Muhsin  :-X

Quote from: Dan-Borno on January 07, 2008, 07:16:28 PM
Auntyn Muhsin, you surely know what i mean, because
there are times you dont operate by the manual ko?

LOL dont tell them what you know Auntyn Muhsin  :-X

Lol DB i dont even know the manual so there is nothing to tell ;D ;D ;D ;D

Three things a musulunchi are left open subject to the issue at hand and the individual.
Meaning that there are no in depth hukunche hukunche on these matters.But there are guidelines.
Babu wata manual da za ta baka shawara kan abun da za kayi if a situation arises.Your wisdom is all that matters.
These issues are:
1- Aure
2- Kasuwanchi
3- Mulki

Well EMTL has some kind of a manual for aure, ...lol just kidding, but he wrote a book about maariage in islam, it encompases everything from courtship to marriage in islam, contact him, i've already gotten mine..heheheh ;D ;D

Good on EMTL!!

Muda, ba girin girin ba!...... lets see some actions
coming out of what you read.

Quote from: *~MuDa~* on January 09, 2008, 05:49:29 PM
Well EMTL has some kind of a manual for aure, ...lol just kidding, but he wrote a book about maariage in islam, it encompases everything from courtship to marriage in islam, contact him, i've already gotten mine..heheheh ;D ;D

Mune shagirai (bachelors), thus I hope I could get my own copy so there I'll learn how to...when our time comes, ko ba hakaba? I'll contact him inshaAllah.

I think we can all be romantic if we could just get that romantic partner.

I also think hausa men tend to be romantic with women of other tribes.You see them going out for dinners etc,even holding hands in public.Which you wouldnt catch them doing to their hausa wives.

Ni dai na karanta soo many M&B novels that i have a different perspective of what love,romance is or should be.Kuma dai na san soo many of us teenagers read them.but gaskiya ba haka bane.Imagine when hes travelling and you escort him to the airport and sai ya baki hug before boarding.Sai ma ku zama abun kallo.But not sauran kabilun.Mu dai hausawa kam.Ko a gida ma naji malam dai idan ya shigo gida ba romance.Sai dai at nite ya zo ya ce toh salamu alaikum,Hajiya bude a yi sunnah!
So i heard.

That is quite true precious.

Here is an article a friend sent to me. It might relate to the issue discussed:

Love Your Husband Even
When He Drives You Crazy
Whitney Hopler


It doesn't take long after you've been married to discover that the man of
your dreams is far from perfect and that marriage is much harder than you'd
ever imagined. When marriage's demands push at you, it can feel like your
husband is driving you crazy. But, no matter how you feel, if you choose to
act in love toward your husband, you'll start to see your marriage change
for the better.


Here's how you can love your husband – even when he drives you crazy –
and start to enjoy a better marriage as a result:

Act the best with the one you love most. Instead of giving your husband
the worst of your behavior because you take him for granted (while you're
on your best behavior with other people), decide to give him the best. Don't
allow everyday frustrations and irritations to cause tension in the way you
interact with your husband. Determine that, no matter what, you'll try to
speak kindly to him and treat him well. Choose to communicate your
affection for your husband through your words and actions on a regular
basis. Let him know that you appreciate and admire him.

Fight fairly. Expect to experience conflicts with your husband; that's a
normal part of any healthy relationship. Know that it's okay to disagree
with him – but when you do, you need to handle the conflict in ways that
honor God and each other. Get real with each other, speaking honestly
about what's at the root of your conflicts. But express yourself in
appropriate ways, without avoiding each other in sullen resentment,
screaming at each other, or demeaning each other. Instead, show respect
for each other. Instead of letting anger control you, use your anger to
motivate you to seek mutually agreeable solutions to problems. Choose
your battles; be willing to let some things go when arguing about them
just isn't worthwhile.

Give him the respect he needs. Understand that all men have a deep
need for respect, so do your best to give your husband respect. Make a
decision to do so simply because God calls you to, even if you don't think
your husband deserves it. Rather than making assumptions about your
husband's motives or behavior, discuss your concerns with him. Always
be willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maintain his privacy by
refraining from sharing potentially embarrassing information about him
with others. Give him the emotional space he needs to resolve conflicts.
When talking with him, pay attention to your tone of voice, body language,
word choices, and timing to make sure they're respectful.

Accept the gender differences between you and your husband.
Instead of expecting your husband to relate to you as a woman would,
recognize that he has a different natural way of communicating. Know that
men often focus on facts rather than feelings, and try to solve problems
rather than empathize. Ask God to help you accept and love your husband
as He does – unconditionally. Choose to love your husband rather than
seeking love, and decide to try to understand him instead of trying to get
him to understand you. Trust that, in the process, God will use your
marriage to help you grow into a stronger person. Appreciate the different
perspective that your husband brings to your marriage, and make time to
listen and consider his views regularly.

Get rid of Prince Charming. Forget the mistaken idea that your husband
should like a perfect prince ready to rescue you from all your troubles and
meet all your needs. Realize that he is just what God made him to be – a
regular guy who's your companion through life. Let go of your unrealistic
expectations. Instead of turning to your husband for your happiness,
strength, and security, depend on the only One who can truly provide
that – God. Make sure that God is your top priority; give your greatest love
and devotion to Him alone. Release your husband from the pressure of
having to live up to impossible expectations and give him the freedom to
be who he is. Remember that, as an imperfect human being, your husband
will sometimes fail you, but you can always count on God.

Move beyond a stalled relationship. If you're not seeing the growth you
hope to see in your relationship, don't nag your husband about it. Instead,
ask God to show you the ways in which you need to change yourself, and
focus on your own personal growth. Know that, while you can't change your
husband, you can change the dynamic of your marriage if you change
yourself. Pray for forgiveness for any contempt you have for your husband.
Rather than lecturing your husband about concerns you have about him,
pray for the wisdom to know what to say, and when and how to say it best.

Redefine romance. Recognize that true romance isn't about fancy
dinners or chocolate, beautiful jewelry or flowers, or a glamorous trip to a
secluded island – it's all about unconditional love in a covenant commitment.
Seek to create a love story between you and your husband that only the
two of you know – one that builds intimacy through both good and bad
times, and keeps getting more and more exciting because you keep
learning more and more about each other, no matter how long you've been
married. If your husband is steady, reliable, honest, and true, be grateful
for him, realizing that such qualities are much more romantic than a man
who gives you glamorous gifts but can't be counted on to be there for you
no matter what. Keep up a love affair with your husband for the rest of
your lives together, expressing your affection in fresh ways every day.

Be willing to yield. Instead of just plowing ahead with your own agenda
when you and your husband face decisions, choose to consider your
husband's needs before your own. Realize that by being unselfish and
loving, you'll help create a marriage that will bless you as well. Understand
that it's not your husband asking you to yield in your marriage; it's God.
Decide to honor God by pursuing His design of mutual submission in
marriage. Trust that God knows what's best for both you and your husband.
Seek and follow His will.


To be continued!!!

Quote from: Venom on December 05, 2003, 02:13:36 PM
gogannaka I do agree with u on the foreplay issue cause i read a book on islamic sex and it did say u should play with ur wife b4 and after u have sex. But on the issue of having a bath with ur wife I am not sure how u r ment 2 do it cause in the book it did say that both parties r not suppose 2 see each others gentiles, so I guess there only way that I see that is feasible 2 have a bath with ur wife would be 2 have it in the dark.

This issue of fore play is categorically stressed in the holy Qur'an and some ahadith also do same e.g Qur'an says " NISA'A KUM HARTHUN LAKUM FAATU HARTHA KUM ANNA SHI'I TUM WA QADDIMU LI AMFUSIKUM" meaning that 'your wives are tour farms, enter your farms the way you so wishes and introduces to yourselves' and hadith says 'dont go to your wives as the dogs go to theirs' in this case you can see how fore play is not only allowed but instructed to be done.

Quote from: gogannaka on January 11, 2008, 02:49:17 AM
That is quite true precious.

Here is an article a friend sent to me. It might relate to the issue discussed:

Love Your Husband Even
When He Drives You Crazy
Whitney Hopler


It doesn't take long after you've been married to discover that the man of
your dreams is far from perfect and that marriage is much harder than you'd
ever imagined. When marriage's demands push at you, it can feel like your
husband is driving you crazy. But, no matter how you feel, if you choose to
act in love toward your husband, you'll start to see your marriage change
for the better.


Here's how you can love your husband – even when he drives you crazy –
and start to enjoy a better marriage as a result:

Act the best with the one you love most. Instead of giving your husband
the worst of your behavior because you take him for granted (while you're
on your best behavior with other people), decide to give him the best. Don't
allow everyday frustrations and irritations to cause tension in the way you
interact with your husband. Determine that, no matter what, you'll try to
speak kindly to him and treat him well. Choose to communicate your
affection for your husband through your words and actions on a regular
basis. Let him know that you appreciate and admire him.

Fight fairly. Expect to experience conflicts with your husband; that's a
normal part of any healthy relationship. Know that it's okay to disagree
with him – but when you do, you need to handle the conflict in ways that
honor God and each other. Get real with each other, speaking honestly
about what's at the root of your conflicts. But express yourself in
appropriate ways, without avoiding each other in sullen resentment,
screaming at each other, or demeaning each other. Instead, show respect
for each other. Instead of letting anger control you, use your anger to
motivate you to seek mutually agreeable solutions to problems. Choose
your battles; be willing to let some things go when arguing about them
just isn't worthwhile.

Give him the respect he needs. Understand that all men have a deep
need for respect, so do your best to give your husband respect. Make a
decision to do so simply because God calls you to, even if you don't think
your husband deserves it. Rather than making assumptions about your
husband's motives or behavior, discuss your concerns with him. Always
be willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maintain his privacy by
refraining from sharing potentially embarrassing information about him
with others. Give him the emotional space he needs to resolve conflicts.
When talking with him, pay attention to your tone of voice, body language,
word choices, and timing to make sure they're respectful.

Accept the gender differences between you and your husband.
Instead of expecting your husband to relate to you as a woman would,
recognize that he has a different natural way of communicating. Know that
men often focus on facts rather than feelings, and try to solve problems
rather than empathize. Ask God to help you accept and love your husband
as He does – unconditionally. Choose to love your husband rather than
seeking love, and decide to try to understand him instead of trying to get
him to understand you. Trust that, in the process, God will use your
marriage to help you grow into a stronger person. Appreciate the different
perspective that your husband brings to your marriage, and make time to
listen and consider his views regularly.

Get rid of Prince Charming. Forget the mistaken idea that your husband
should like a perfect prince ready to rescue you from all your troubles and
meet all your needs. Realize that he is just what God made him to be – a
regular guy who's your companion through life. Let go of your unrealistic
expectations. Instead of turning to your husband for your happiness,
strength, and security, depend on the only One who can truly provide
that – God. Make sure that God is your top priority; give your greatest love
and devotion to Him alone. Release your husband from the pressure of
having to live up to impossible expectations and give him the freedom to
be who he is. Remember that, as an imperfect human being, your husband
will sometimes fail you, but you can always count on God.

Move beyond a stalled relationship. If you're not seeing the growth you
hope to see in your relationship, don't nag your husband about it. Instead,
ask God to show you the ways in which you need to change yourself, and
focus on your own personal growth. Know that, while you can't change your
husband, you can change the dynamic of your marriage if you change
yourself. Pray for forgiveness for any contempt you have for your husband.
Rather than lecturing your husband about concerns you have about him,
pray for the wisdom to know what to say, and when and how to say it best.

Redefine romance. Recognize that true romance isn't about fancy
dinners or chocolate, beautiful jewelry or flowers, or a glamorous trip to a
secluded island – it's all about unconditional love in a covenant commitment.
Seek to create a love story between you and your husband that only the
two of you know – one that builds intimacy through both good and bad
times, and keeps getting more and more exciting because you keep
learning more and more about each other, no matter how long you've been
married. If your husband is steady, reliable, honest, and true, be grateful
for him, realizing that such qualities are much more romantic than a man
who gives you glamorous gifts but can't be counted on to be there for you
no matter what. Keep up a love affair with your husband for the rest of
your lives together, expressing your affection in fresh ways every day.

Be willing to yield. Instead of just plowing ahead with your own agenda
when you and your husband face decisions, choose to consider your
husband's needs before your own. Realize that by being unselfish and
loving, you'll help create a marriage that will bless you as well. Understand
that it's not your husband asking you to yield in your marriage; it's God.
Decide to honor God by pursuing His design of mutual submission in
marriage. Trust that God knows what's best for both you and your husband.
Seek and follow His will.


To be continued!!!

Lol Gogannaka ai this is a one sided affair!! The burden of keeping the marriage falls on the wife..... If a husband drives his wife crazy there is no way there will be love between them, no matter how many times she practices the afore mentioned advices.. it just doesnt work like that!! If u can't change an irresponsible man, u may stay with him, but how can u love him?? This is something written by A MAN for women.. its not a WOMAN who wrote the above.. we are far too practical for the above whimsies!!

Man and Woman relationships kenan! Go on educating us until we learn the game to enable us bring four wives into our houses! ;D