ENLIGHTMENT,How does it sound

[shira]

Assalamu alaikum
wannan labarin da gaske ne,wani ne yazo hutu wurina anan lagos,to kowa yasan yadda garin yake ,mun fita dashi muka je wurare da dama to duk inda muka je zai ga anbiya kudin shiga ko kuma kudin duba mota ko dai wani abu makamancin hakan,sai muka je kasuwa nan ma zamu yi parking sai yaga mun biya kudi,ashe shi duk abin nan da ake yi yana lura,wataran muka fita muka je wani wuri ,to sai na ke ce masa in ka dawo kaga signboard din can ka zauna a wurin zan zo in same ka,dana gama na fito sai ban ganshi ba nai ta 'yan dube dube ban ganshi ba,can sai na hango shi a tsaye akan pavements sai na tsallaka na kira shi ,nace kai da nace maka ga inda zaka jira ni sai kaje ka tsaya acan?sai yace ai shi ba kudi a hannun sa ne shi yasa bai tsaya ba kar azo neman kudin kallon signboard!!!!! ??? ???

[shira]

Wani dan sakkwato ne yan aiki a wani gida gashi da zuciya kuma komai shi ya sani,rannan sai aka aike shi ya siyo waken gwangwani,duk an gama ready za'a ci a binci sai ga wake a leda aka ce dansakkwato bude yana budewa sai aka ce aa mai ye wannan waken gwangwani fa ak ce,sai yace ai wannnan din ma da gwangwani ake auna wa....

[Aydee Fella]

lol! barka da zuwa Shira. nice ones up there.

[iblink]

                THE FACT OF LIFE

Boy: Dad, what's politics?
Dad: Let me set an example with our family. I have all the money so we'll call me the management. Mom receives most of it so we'll call her the government. We'll call the maid the working class, you are the people, and your baby brother is the future. Do you understand now son?
Boy: I still don't understand dad.
Dad: Think about it for a while son. That night the boy wakes up because his baby brother is crying. He goes in and finds out he's soiled his diapers. He goes to tell his mom but she's asleep he goes in to the maids room but she's in there having sex with his dad. He bangs on the door but no one can here him. The next day...
Son: Dad I understand politics now.
Dad: Good, explain it to me in your own words son.
Son: The management is screwing the working class while the governments fast asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is full of SHIT!

[iblink]

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.
As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."
"Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you are really cute!"

[Ummulhuda]

Where have I been all my life that I have NEVER opened this topic on enlightenment? I have been laughing for the last hour especially at Ihsan's jokes. lol Ihsan I didn't know you had such a great sense of humour.All those Fulani jokes.
Have you heard about the Rich man and the leper?
Wani kuturu yana zaune wuri daya yana bara
'Allah Ya baku musamu'. Sai wani attajiri ya zo zai shige. Sai kuturu yasake cewa
'Allah Ya baku musamu'. Attajirin sai ya shige bai kula kuturu ba. Sai kuturu ya bishi da kallo ya ce
'Kuci anan, muci acan'.
Ashe attajiri yaji, sai ya juyo yace da kuturu
'Muci anan, muci acan'.
Sai kuturu ya kalle shi a fusace  yace
' Basai ayi  !&***^%*!  ba!'

Have you heard about the concentration camp joke?
It was during the second world war and it happened to be the day of Hitler's birthday. So in this concentration camp, the camp commandant assembled all the inmates and makes an announcement:
'Today is za Fuehrer's birthday and to celebrate it, Ve are going to release three prisoners; Van (one) Englander, van American, van Juden (JEW). But first za lucky prisoners must ansver van question each'
So a selection is made and the three prisoners are taken each one by one to the commandant's office to answer a question. The American was first. The commandant goes:
'In nineteen hundred and tvelfe, a ship vaz sank. Vat iz za name of za ship?'
The American answered 'Oh the Titanic!'
'You are vree to go'. Said the commandant.
The Englishman was next. The commandant goes:
'In nineteen hundred and tvelfe, za Titanic vaz sank. Vat sank it?'
The English man replied 'Oh an iceberg'.
'You are vree to go' said the commandant.
Lastly the Jew came in. The commandant goes:
'In nineteen hundred and tvelfe, za Titanic vaz sank by an iceberg. Vife hundred people died. Name zem!'

Another one! The Fuehrer's birthday again.
In this concentration camp, this time only jews, were there, the camp commandant assembled all the inmates and makes an announcement:
'Today is za Fuehrer's birthday and to celebrate it, Ve are going to play Squash. Hans vill drife za steam roller!'

[ummita]

Nyc topz, ya'all gat some madddd jokes:, but sumtyms I fynd jokes kinda geeky..cuz one is being told a story  d nxt minute.a pessin starts laffin!! Isnt that mental.cuz I say 2 ma self now whuz d real joke...a person or d story? Anywayz

Herez one.................
An airplane is flyin ova U.S.A & d pilot said d flight was loosin height & therefore baggages muss b thrown out

D pilot said we r still lossin height therefore anything muss b thrown out of d cabin

Still d pilot says: we r goin down, therefore passagerz muss b thrown out
Theres a big gasp from d passagerz :o :o :o, but says d pilot: 2 make things fair we r goin 2 throw ppl out Alphabetically

So any Afrikanz on board?!!!!!!!!!! No one moves
Any Blacks on board?!!! No one moves!!!!
Any Carribeans on board!! Still no one moves

Then far @ d end a lile boi who happens to b with his father amongst d passagers said to his father:
Father!...............wat r we?!!!!
The father said.............well son....tonyt son we r [/B]ZULU's[/B]............................................................

Which basically mean Z is d lass alphabeth.............so duz that mean they have a chance of survival ;)

[Ihsan]

lol Ummul...that's sooo funny...500 names? let the commander name them... :D

hehehe Ummita...they might have a chance mana...

[Ummulhuda]

So any Afrikanz on board?!!!!!!!!!! No one moves
Any Blacks on board?!!! No one moves!!!!
Any Carribeans on board!! Still no one moves

Then far @ d end a lile boi who happens to b with his father amongst d passagers said to his father:
Father!...............wat r we?!!!!
The father said.............well son....tonyt son we r [/B]ZULU's[/B]............................................................

;)

Hurray for the Zulu!
Any Africans, Blacks, Carribeans?
ABC- which ever letter, still the negro first to be got rid of!!!!!!!!!!! :( :( :(
To Allah Ya Kyauta kurum.

Guess what ummita? When I was writing those jokes earlier, somebody was telling me the joke you posted up there! Talk about telepathy!
I received this in my mail this morning. Enjoy it:

(1) BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL WOMAN IS HERSELF 8) 8) 8)

(2) OH MY GOD, I THINK I'M BECOMING THE MAN I WANTED TO MARRY! :-[ :-[ :-[

(3) GINGER ROGERS DID EVERYTHING FRED ASTAIRE DID, BUT SHE DID IT BACKWARDS AND IN HIGH HEELS  :-/ :-/ :-/

(4) A WOMAN IS LIKE A TEA BAG...YOU DON'T KNOW HOW ? STRONG SHE IS UNTIL YOU PUT HER IN HOT WATER ;) ;)

(5) I HAVE YET TO HEAR A MAN ASK FOR ADVICE ON HOW TO COMBINE MARRIAGE AND A CAREER :( :( :(

(6) SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME  8) 8) 8)

(7) COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN ... SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH   ;) ;) ;)

(8) DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN

(9) I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I HAVE A GUN   ::) ::) ::)

(10) WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT 8) 8) 8)

(11) OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME ;D ;D ;D

(12) DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN :D :D :D

(13) ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE :o :o :o

(14) I CAN BE ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENS TO BAD PEOPLE ::) ::) ::)

(15) HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY? :-/ :-/ :-/

(16) DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES :-[ :-[ :-[

And last but not least:

(17) IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN ;) ;) ;)

[Ummulhuda]

;D ;D ;D

[Fulanizzle]

dayummmmmmmmmmmm
yall off the hook, i tell ya, off DEM HOOK!!!!!

[Fulanizzle]

Salam peeps, a lil somethin somethin i was sent and wanted to share wit yall

peace

[Fulanizzle]

Mr. Bean in action

Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain
tumour.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!
****

MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just
twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!
****

[Fulanizzle]

CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND
Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it
Ok?

Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a
horror film. I didn't see any picture.
Friend: What tape did you take anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.
****

Mr. Bean: (crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
After 2 minutes Mr. Bean cries even louder
Friend: what now?
Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!
****
MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING
Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an
elevator for 4 hrs. because
of a power failure.
Mr. Bean: Thats alright, me too...I got stuck on the
escalator for 3 hrs.
****

Spelling lesson
Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of
successful....is it one c or two c?
Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!

[Fulanizzle]

WHILE IN A DRUG STORE
Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the
alphabet yet!!
****

QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE
Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: four asterisks!
****

Friend: how many women do you believe a man must
marry?
Mr. Bean: 16
Friend: Why?
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4
poorer, 4 better and
4worse.
****