PENTAGON DICTIONARY

[al_hamza]

Understanding Pentagon-speak
>It's very difficult keeping up with Mideast news due to the Orwellian
>newspeak coming from Washington. So here's a handy list of key terms,
>translated into simple English.
>
>* Liberation - Invasion.
>
>* Coalition - The US and British invaders, plus some troops from
>rent-a-nations like Romania and Poland. In the past, 'the coalition'
>would have been called Imperial Forces and mercenary auxiliaries.
>
>* Dictator - A ruler you don't like, or who does not cooperate.
>
>* Statesman - A cooperative dictator.
>
>* Stability - When things go the way Uncle Sam likes, i.e. the
>status-quo.
>
>* Instability - When things don't go the way Uncle Sam wants, when
>trouble-makers try to change the status-quo.
>
>* Iraq Reconstruction - A process whereby big firms that contribute to
>the US President's re-election campaign obtain contracts, without any
>bidding, to rebuild the damage caused by US bombing.

>* Freeing Iraq's oil assets - Washington's seizure and sale of Iraqi
>oil, which in no way can be compared to Cuba's seizure and sale of
>US-owned property, a dastardly crime.
>
>* Mideast Democracy - Regimes that hold rigged elections and obey
>Washington's orders.
>
>* Free trade - Pouring goods and services into the newly 'liberated'
>country, and buying up its key industrial assets at fire-sale prices.
>
>* Terrorism - Violent acts by dangerous fanatics and malcontents who
>refuse to accept the downtrodden status assigned to them by Washington.
>Also, haters of western culture, which has reached its zenith in
>Crawford, Texas.
>
>* Anti-terrorism - State terrorism.
>
>* Uranium - A yellowish mineral from Niger that causes red faces in the
>White House.
>
>* Iraq Administrator - A pro-consul or gauliter, disguised as a minor
>suburban bureaucrat.

>* Drones of death - Iraqi remotely piloted aircraft that President
>George Bush claimed were poised to fly off Iraqi ships lurking in the
>North Atlantic - shades of Admiral Yamamoto - then shower fiendish germs
>on a sleeping America. Turned out to be two model airplanes, only one of
>which could fly. See 'Vans of Death'.
>
>* Vans of death - Claimed by Washington to be Iraqi mobile germ warfare
>laboratories, but turned out, on inspection, to be British-supplied
>trucks for inflating weather balloons.
>
>* Weapons of Mass Destruction - Nasty weapons, existing or non-existing,
>that the other side has. When your side has them, they become invisible.
>
>
>* Torture - A foul act committed by your enemies. When your side does
>it, it's called intensive interrogation in Guantanamo.

>* Homeland security - Bolting the bar door after the horse has escaped
>by rounding up Muslims, beating them in prison, and denying them due
>process of law.
>
>* French - Insubordinate ingrates and depraved chain-smokers who had the
>nerve to try to block the jolly little war in Iraq, and now sneer, 'we
>told you so'.
>
>* Germans - Untrustwor-thy. Just when you order them to be warlike
>again, they go soft. Wait until they see the next dozen WWII epics from
>Hollywood.
>
>* Pakistanis - Untrust-worthy Muslims with terrorists under their beds
>who would all deserve to be in the Guantanamo terrorist Hilton if they
>were not lucky enough to have a true statesman as a leader. Still, the
>Taliban-loving Paks are on probation and can't be trusted with grown-up
>weapons.

>
>* Die-hards and Saddam loyalists - Any Iraqis opposing the invasion of
>their country. Iraq 'Administrator' Bremer calls them 'professional
>killers.' Not to be confused with US Army professional soldiers, who
>are...stability engineers.
>
>* Traitors and friends of Saddam - Journalists who questioned the Bush
>Administration's lurid claims over Iraq's purported threat.
>
>* Moderate - A Mideastern ruler who toes the line and makes nice to
>Israel.
>
>* Peacekeepers - Troops from browbeaten or bribed vassal states sent to
>perform garrison duty in US-occupied nations that the Pentagon wants to
>avoid, or lacks the troops to do.
>
>* New Iraqi government - An august body that leaps to its feet and
>salaams when a US soldier enters the room, and has total authority over
>garbage collection, sewers and camel catching.

>* Saddam Hussein - A former, close American ally who got too big for his
>britches. If not assassinated, may soon be needed again to run Iraq for
>Washington.
>
>* Uday and Qusay - Most dictators have problem sons, just look at poor
>Ceausescu and Milosevic. Yes, Saddam's boys were big-time delinquents,
>but Crazy Uday's real crime was making fun in his newspaper of George W.
>Bush, and calling the touchy president a draft-dodging wimp. That's why
>he and Qusay got blasted with a score of dozen anti-tank missiles rather
>than a nice show trial in Baghdad. Texas justice. Panama's General
>Noriega, aka 'pineapple face', called the more forgiving Papa Bush a
>wimp and got invaded and thrown into prison forever.
>
>* Iraq (pronounced in the USA as 'Eye-Raq') - A democracy-seeking Arab
>state that volunteered for mentoring and tutelage from Washington in
>exchange for American automobile drivers keeping their tanks full of
>cheap gas.
>

[Anonymous]

check out "d devil's dictionary" written by ambrose bierce.
here is a sample of his definitions

saint: a sinner revised and edited.