Make Me Laugh!

[gogannaka]

LOL.....Women!!

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come in to the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

[HUSNAA]

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS AN ELEPHANT WITH A FISH?
SWIMMING TRUNKS

WHAT DO YOU CALL A LAMB WITH A MACHINE GUN?
LAMBO

WHAT DO FROZEN COWS DO?
GIVE ICE CREAM

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE SOCCER FIELD?
HE HEARD THE REFEREE CALLING FOWLS

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF A BULL CHARGED YOU?
PAY HIM CASH

WHEN IS IT BAD LUCK TO SEE A BLACK CAT?
WHEN YOU ARE A MOUSE

WHY DO SNAKES HAVE FORKED TONGUES?
BECAUSE THEY CANT USE CHOPSTICKS

WHAT DO YOU GET FROM NERVOUS COWS?
MILKSHAKES

WHAT DID THE CAT HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?
MICE KRISPIES

WHY IS SIX SCARED OF SEVEN?
BCOS 7-8-9

WHAT DO DYNASAURS PUT ON THEIR FLOORS?
REP-TILES      

HOW DID THE ROCKET LOSE HIS JOB?
HE WAS FIRED.

WHAT DO YOU DO IF YR NOSE GOES ON STRIKE?
PICKET

WHY DID DRACULA TAKE SOME MEDICINE?
TO STOP HIS COFFIN                                                                                              

WHAT DO YOU CALL A WITCH THAT LIVES ON THE BEACH?
A SAND WITCH

WHY DIDNT THE SKELETON GO TO THE PARTY?
HE HAD NO BODY TO GO WITH!

[neozizo]

Obasanjo, Atiku and Soludo were flying on the presidentialjet. OBJ looks down and says: "I can throw down aN1,000 note and make one person happy.
Atiku says to him "Sir,i can throw down two N500 notes andmake two people happy.
Soludo laughs at them and says: "I can throw down five N200 notes and make five people happy.

The pilot looks at the co-pilot and tells him: "sucharrogant people! I can throw three of them off the plane and make 150 million people happy.

[bakangizo]

A soldier came running to a cross in the road and saw a nun standing there. Out of breath he asked, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I'll explain why later."

The nun agreed. Just a moment later two Military Police came running along and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here?"

The nun replied, "He went that way."

After the MP's disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see I don't want to go to Iraq."

The nun said, "I think I can fully understand your fear."

The soldier added, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have a great pair of legs!"

The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of b@lls....I don't want to go to Iraq either!"

[bakangizo]

9 Things I Hate About Everyone


1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my backside when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually. :roll:

3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". D@mn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid money to come to the cinema and stare at the d@mn floor. :roll:

6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did you?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it and you can't improve what's not in existence. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new. :wink:  


8 When people say "life is short". What do you mean?? Life is the longest d@mn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer than your life?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I still be standing here, dumb? :?

[gogannaka]

This is a real story.

Why you shouldnt pick up anything in Lagos.
A friends driver went to lagos for the first time and while taking a stroll in the afternoon he saw a brand new tin of bournvita shining.He glanced in all directions and made sure no one was looking at him before he quickly took the tin.
He found a shade and used his key to open the tin.seconds before opening the tin he had a second thought 'what if this tin is filled with 'jon'?
but he was too late as the sun had already beaten the 'tutu' in the tin and the little pressure he put on the lid was sufficient for the pressurised 'tutu' to burst all out bathing the poor driver.

[*~MuDa~*]

Haba G-naka, dont u know zat some feofle are eating?????

[mlbash]

that was a nice one!

[gogannaka]

Haba G-naka, dont u know zat some feofle are eating?????

Hmm read this one ma sef:

One guy went to his girlfriends house.They were chatting when he decided to use the toilet.When he entered the toilet he found it so clean and fanciful so he decided to have a quick download(quick tutu  :lol: ) before any1 could even notice(u know that kind that u just drop one and quickly flush  :wink:  ).So this your guy quickly off-loaded one LONG and HEAVY 'tutu' in some seconds.The guy then flushed but because the 'tutu' was too long it wouldn't flush.The guy just decided to leave it like that but just as he was  about coming out of the toilet he heard one lady saying she's going to use the toilet,it was then that trouble began for this guy cos it would be something else if someone was to enter the toilet and see that huge bomb.
the guy just closed his eyes,knelt down and broke the 'tutu' into several pieces with his hands and then flushed.
Luckily it went successfully.

[HUSNAA]

Gogannaka, That was AWWWWWWWWWWWWFUL!!  :lol:

[HUSNAA]

What a STINKER!!!  :mrgreen:

[lionger]

This is a real story.

Why you shouldnt pick up anything in Lagos.
A friends driver went to lagos for the first time and while taking a stroll in the afternoon he saw a brand new tin of bournvita shining.He glanced in all directions and made sure no one was looking at him before he quickly took the tin.
He found a shade and used his key to open the tin.seconds before opening the tin he had a second thought 'what if this tin is filled with 'jon'?
but he was too late as the sun had already beaten the 'tutu' in the tin and the little pressure he put on the lid was sufficient for the pressurised 'tutu' to burst all out bathing the poor driver.

:lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:
Typical lagos tory...one thing I remember is that human faeces could be found in almost any imaginable nook and cranny.. maybe it was just the corner i was in, but that was a long time ago sha. Still,  :lol:  :lol:

[precious]

Maybe Gogannaka would like to open a new thread called "Gross Jokes and Stories"?
That way I know to not even look at the thread let alone read it.
I must say, despite the ewwwness, it was quite funny.

[*~MuDa~*]

Welcome to the 21st century

Our communication:wireless,
our dress:topless,
our phone:cordless,
our cooking:fireless,
our youths:jobless,
our food:tasteless,
our labour:effortless,
our relationships:loveless,
our feelings:heartless,
our politicians:worthless,
our education:valueless,
our follies:countless,
our arguments:baseless,
our boss:brainless,
our job:payless,
our salary:useless.
Our er.... er,er.... what have I left out?....

WELCOME TO NIGERIA OUR FATHERLAND!

[HUSNAA]

Muda nko, wetin happen to yr exotic style of spelling?

You forgot - Our leaders: clueless.
9gerian food is delicious though.